Idiot Housemate

Twapsie

How do you break it to a housemate who thinks you're his friend that you dont want to live with him anymore because he's a self centered, condescending pompus dick??

Coming straight out an telling him is not really an option as he's mentally unstable and that might tip him over the edge(seriously)!! We're looking for some form of sneaky plan that would allow us to move out without him knowing the real reasons behind it!! Any suggestions??

Trashbat

Poo everywhere in the house. When he sees, ask him why he has done it. If that doesn't convince him to leave then nothing will, so you'll have to accept your fate

robbie_998

Twapsie wrote: »

How do you break it to a housemate who thinks you're his friend that you dont want to live with him anymore because he's a self centered, condescending pompus dick??

Coming straight out an telling him is not really an option as he's mentally unstable and that might tip him over the edge(seriously)!! We're looking for some form of sneaky plan that would allow us to move out without him knowing the real reasons behind it!! Any suggestions??

wait for him to sleep and move out over night without him knowing :cool:

Danbo!

A game of hide seek? Get others to be 'on' first so he suspects nothing, then when he is 'on' tell him to count to 1 month (the notice required may vary) and quietly move your stuff out.

javaboy

This old one works well:
Line all your house mates up. Ask those who are your friends to take a step forward. When he goes to move, tell him he's all right where he is.

Deus Ex Machina

I have found that utmost honesty is the only thing you won't regret in the long run.

strobe

Start taking like, 5 or 6 showers a day. Will totally freak him out and he will probably move out himself.

cojomo2

Twapsie wrote: »

How do you break it to a housemate who thinks you're his friend that you dont want to live with him anymore because he's a self centered, condescending pompus dick??

Coming straight out an telling him is not really an option as he's mentally unstable and that might tip him over the edge(seriously)!! We're looking for some form of sneaky plan that would allow us to move out without him knowing the real reasons behind it!! Any suggestions??

Tell him you gay and you want to move away to be with other gay people!

admiralofthefleet

shite on his chest

Menengroth™

He ever go home for the weekend?

Move out with all your stuff and leave a note saying:

"We've moved out because you're a self centered, condescending pompus dick.

P.S. **** you."

Luap

Teabag his drumset.

PCPhoto

just finish up your lease and search for somewhere else .... ie. say you are gonna house share with more people so it will be cheaper..... and theres only one room available.

or take a short break back at your parents home for a month or two - by that time he'll have found somewhere else and you can search for a new place with other mates.

GalwayGuy92

You could try dressing of the ghost of one of the indians from the Indian graveyard burried under the house, each night run around the house doing Indian battle calls and screaming about the wrath of the Great Spirit. I the morning deny you heard/saw a thing and thus scare him away. This plan is sure to work so long as you don't get busted by some meddling kids and their massive dog!

*reader results may vary.

cojomo2

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

shite on his chestface

better.

Einstein

Just say you got a promotion and your gettin a place on your own!

WindSock

If he is mentally unstable, being sneaky is not the best option.

Minstrel27

Whatever happened to telling someone to their face. If he is unstable enough to go crazy then you shouldn't be living with him.

cojomo2

WindSock wrote: »

If he is mentally unstable, being sneaky is not the best option.

agreed.

Best go with the other option.

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

shite on his chest

fakearms123

Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

WindSock

cojomo2 wrote: »

agreed.

Best go with the other option.

That's admirals solution to everything, the old Cleaveland Steamer.

MarkR

Man up and leave.

Essien

Twapsie wrote: »

How do you break it to a housemate who thinks you're his friend that you dont want to live with him anymore because he's a self centered, condescending pompus dick??

Coming straight out an telling him is not really an option as he's mentally unstable and that might tip him over the edge(seriously)!! We're looking for some form of sneaky plan that would allow us to move out without him knowing the real reasons behind it!! Any suggestions??

Like this

Hey housemate who thinks I'm his friend, I dont want to live with you anymore because you're a self centered, condescending pompus dick!!

Twapsie

to all those people that suggested honesty, trust me its not an option on this one - it may be the right thing to do for 99% of people out there but this guy is that 1% who's different from everyone else!!

Kiwi_knock

Rent your place out as a brothel during the day.

You will probably end up in prison but at least you will be away from him.

recylingbin

Man up and make a pass at him ffs!
He'l either frak out and leave or kiss back at which point you tell him you'r a massive hmophobe and he leaves.
Win win.

fonecrusher1

I would distribute all 200 of my antique dolls throughout the house & greet every single one of them each time i pass by & insist that said housemate does the same or he can cnut off.

I'd even argue with some of them. Cheeky monkeys.

After a week ask him to leave because mary-jane-bixley (one of the dolls) feels uncomfortable around him.

Just plant drugs in his room and ring the guards.. He cant be your housemate if he's in prison.

inforfun

Kill him and eat him.

Dont forget the chianti.

elchupanebrey

Start eating all his food, and become a total slob.
Start making comments like "while I watched you sleep last night". Although he might take this as an invite to watch you!!!

admiralofthefleet

WindSock wrote: »

That's admirals solution to everything, the old Cleaveland Steamer.

belgian biscuits and mexican pancakes sometimes as well

funk-you

Spend the next two weeks walking around spraying air freshener complaining about a horrible smell in the house. After two weeks, flip out saying "The ****ing bang off this gaf, fuck this....I'm not living like this any more, I'm moving out".

Fool-proof.

-Funk

Selected

Twapsie wrote: »

to all those people that suggested honesty, trust me its not an option on this one - it may be the right thing to do for 99% of people out there but this guy is that 1% who's different from everyone else!!

One of Life's glorious opportunities.

Kiwi_knock

Develop a serious obsession with Jedward, cover your house with all their merchandise and start dressing like them and calling your self John and tell him he could be your Edward.

Most importantly keep playing "Ice Ice Baby" constantly while rubbing ice cubes across your nipples.

Either he will be completley weirded out and will want you to move out or he will like it but you can say you feel uncomfortable with your feelings around him and need to move out.

A win-win situation

Dublin4Life

Give Pauly D and the Situation a call........tell them you have a situation!!!!

Dublin_Gunner

Or how about, tell him you've decided you want to live on your own, and you're giving him 1 month to find somewhere else to live.

Move out after the month.

Job done.

tony 2 tone

strobe wrote: »

Start taking like, 5 or 6 showers **** a day. Will totally freak him out and he will probably move out himself.

Leave sticky tissues around for added effect. Or take up a strange condiment obsession, mustards been done though...:P

Banned Account

Wait till he falls asleep at night, tape him to the bed with duct tape. Then get a straw from a capri sun pack and insert the sharp end down his jap's eye. Take an assortment of rusty sewing needles, heat them up with a blow torch and drop them down the stra using a pair of needle nosed pliers.

Do this whilst wearing a toga and repeating some gregorian chant in a whispered voice.

This worked for me.

Miguel_Sanchez

I noticed my housemate was checking Daft ads yesterday.

I hope this thread isn't about me.

bnt

Twapsie wrote: »

How do you break it to a housemate who thinks you're his friend that you dont want to live with him anymore because he's a self centered, condescending pompus dick??

If you're concerned about pompous dicks, you've come to the right place. Note the correct spelling of "pompous". You're not sharing a house with me, are you?

theboss80

Just rent out the dvd Shallow Grave and keep staring at him the whole way through it

faceman

How about just telling him you're moving out???

Nulty

Ghostbusters?

javaboy

faceman wrote: »

How about just telling him you're moving out???

M-People style?

enda1

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

shite on his chest

shite on his chest face

cojomo2 wrote: »

better.

Kick him in the shite on his chest face

best

bubbaloo

Minstrel27 wrote: »

Whatever happened to telling someone to their face. If he is unstable enough to go crazy then you shouldn't be living with him.

I think that's the whole point of this thread!

Kiwi_knock

Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »

I noticed my housemate was checking Daft ads yesterday.

I hope this thread isn't about me.

Sure everyone knows no moderators are self centered, condescending pompous dicks who are mentally unstable

Dublin_Gunner

Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »

I noticed my housemate was checking Daft ads yesterday.

I hope this thread isn't about me.

You haven't notice lots of dolls covered in sticky tissue lately, have you?

El Siglo

Start screaming, crying, singing and talking to yourself in your room, that'll send him packing.

Kiwi_knock

Be honest and tell him it is not working out and that is you not him. A proper break up that spares his feelings.

trout

Show them this thread. Ask what they would do in this situation. Then, when you do exactly that ... the expression on their face will be priceless.

Or just say "So ... I'm moving out ... g'luck in the cup"

Capt'n Midnight

Maloney_o9 wrote: »

Teabag his drumset.

fyp