Surrogacy- Could you do it?

Lillylilly

I've always been really interested by the idea of surrogacy. As a young one, when I understood what it was about (about 10 or 11), I thought I would be a surrogate mother at some point. As I got older, I realised that I would probably get too emotionally attached and wouldn't be able for it. I do believe that I will foster children at some point in my life though. I just wonder what you ladies think? Could you be a surrogate mother? Do you know someone who acted as a surrogate mother or do you know someone who is now a parent as a result of a surrogate pregnancy?

Xiney

I don't know for sure - I've never been pregnant before so I don't know how the hormones would affect me.

I'd like to think I could. It would be a wonderful thing to do for someone who couldn't get pregnant without assistance.

Gone Drinking

I'd give it a shot, but being a man, i doubt it'd work..

princess-lala

Id love to, Ive asked family about this before and they have all said no.

Id love to be able to help someone unable to have a child to eventually get what they want. I think its the best gift you could ever give anyone

miss5

I think it's a wonderful thing to do if you can but the emotional implications
would be too much for me, I couldn't possibly have a child and give it too someone
else.

Piste

I don't think I could, the bodily and emotional stress of pregnancy wouldn't be worth it. I'd need to be badly in need of a lot of money to do it.

Clare Bear

No. I'd never be able to do it. The thought of pregnancy with my own child terrifies me enough....it's not something I would ever consider but I have huge respect and admiration for women that do it.

rainbow kirby

It's an amazing gift, but I don't think I could. Just wouldn't be able to handle the emotional aspects of it, and the whole idea of pregnancy kinda freaks me out a bit.

girlyhappyface

I think the same- it would be an amazing gift to gove someone. I have a gay friend who said in passing one day that if he found a man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he'd ask one of his sisters to get pregnant using his partner's sperm and her own eggs, so that the child would have both of the men's DNA. He had never broached this subject with any of his sisters, he just expected that they'd help him out if the time came.

SarahJ

I'd love to say I could, but in reality, I really don't think I could. I have never been pregnant, so don't know the bond a mother carrying a baby has, but I would be confident in saying it would be very difficult to part with the child after carrying it for 9 months.

Faith

Clare Bear wrote: »

No. I'd never be able to do it. The thought of pregnancy with my own child terrifies me enough....it's not something I would ever consider but I have huge respect and admiration for women that do it.

rainbow kirby wrote: »

It's an amazing gift, but I don't think I could. Just wouldn't be able to handle the emotional aspects of it, and the whole idea of pregnancy kinda freaks me out a bit.

Same as. I'm afraid enough of being pregnant for my own kids (and I'm not gone on the idea of having kids in the first place). I just couldn't go through all of that, and then give the child up at the end.

SeekUp

Oh man . . . I'd like to think that maybe if I was really close to the person and they were in desperate need, I would love to be able to give them that gift of a child. However, I'm pretty sure that I'd need to have a child/children of my own before I could even consider it. I think it'd go a long way in being able to identify the growing baby as *theirs*, in addition to my knowing what I was in for in terms of the pregnancy and how it would affect me.

girlyhappyface wrote: »

I have a gay friend who said in passing one day that if he found a man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he'd ask one of his sisters to get pregnant using his partner's sperm and her own eggs, so that the child would have both of the men's DNA. He had never broached this subject with any of his sisters, he just expected that they'd help him out if the time came.

That's a rather dangerous assumption!!

jokettle

I don't know if I could do this, just like I don't know if I could give a child up for adoption. I just think I'd be too emotionally attached after carrying a child to term. It would be a wonderful gift to give, as many have already pointed out, but I think those who are strong enough to be surrogates are rare women!

Malari

girlyhappyface wrote: »

I think the same- it would be an amazing gift to gove someone. I have a gay friend who said in passing one day that if he found a man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he'd ask one of his sisters to get pregnant using his partner's sperm and her own eggs, so that the child would have both of the men's DNA. He had never broached this subject with any of his sisters, he just expected that they'd help him out if the time came.

Hah, my brother would have no chance of persuading his sisters to do this. :eek: Your friend might actually want to run that by them sometime before it actually becomes an issue!

I couldn't do it. I'm not having kids myself, so having them for someone else is out of the question for me. I like my body exactly the way it is thank-you

johanz

But you get paid a lot, usually.

illiop

I don't necessarily agree with IVF and I would never specifically just get pregnant to give the child away, so no. But I would like to think I could go through with an adoption if I felt it was necessary...in reality though, I don't really know if I could.

Novella

We had a thread about this before, a few months ago I think.

Anyway, I dunno. I think I'd be so terrified of something going wrong. It's hard enough to live with the guilt when you've only let yourself down, but for something bad to happen and having to share the pain with others, I'm not sure if I could deal with that.

If I was going to do it, it would never, ever be about the money. I'd only even consider it for someone I really love. I would never have a baby for a stranger and had it over for money. Pregnancy, for me, is the result of love and so if I wasn't gonna be having my own baby, but having a child for someone else, I'd still wanna know I was carrying a baby for the same reason. If that makes any sense at all.

mariaf24

illiop wrote: »

I don't necessarily agree with IVF and I would never specifically just get pregnant to give the child away, so no. But I would like to think I could go through with an adoption if I felt it was necessary...in reality though, I don't really know if I could.

Just reading this thread and this caught my eye,out of complete curiousity why don't you agree with ivf??!!

Giselle

I could never give birth to a baby and not consider it my child, but someone elses.

I couldn't live with the possibility of the baby being unhappy or ill and me not knowing or being able to help. Or missing their first steps or day at school, all the milestones.

I think its an incredibly selfless act, but its not something I could ever do.

Jessibelle

I was asked and in turn had offered to a couple I knew when we all were younger, (early 20's) and it was a genuine offer then that I had no problem holding myself to or fufilling if the occaision arose. Now that I'm older I'm not so sure I could do it, and have discussed it at lenght with the couple in question, none of us are ready to have kids yet, and really can't see ourselves in that position if at all for another 8-9 years. Thing is that makes me a late first time mother, (mid 30's up) which in itself has higher risks, and to be honest, knowing those risks, I'm not sure I could bear a child and give it away knowing my chances for my own could be affected.

chocgirl

No, I couldn't. I know I'd become attached to the baby no matter how much I tried not to. I really admire those who do it though, irregardless of the money involved!

Nevyn

johanz wrote: »

But you get paid a lot, usually.

It's not legal here so there is no way to do contracts and get paid for it.

Dudess

Really, really don't think I could.

lolli

Before I had my daughter I was of the opinion that I would certainly be able to be a surrogate mother. I always thought its a great gift to give someone.

I had my own baby is January and now I think that its something I would not be able to do. I loved my daughter from the minute I knew that she existed. I couldn't wait to see her and hold her so I don't think now I'd be able to carry baby and hand it over unless it was for someone that I really really loved.

Malari

johanz wrote: »

But you get paid a lot, usually.

Thaedydal wrote: »

It's not legal here so there is no way to do contracts and get paid for it.

Even apart from that, most people here seem to be saying they would do it for a close relative or friend, and that's not for the money to be made.

For me, I really don't think any amount of money would presuade me to do it.

Clare Bear

johanz wrote: »

But you get paid a lot, usually.

It isn't legal in Ireland. Plus it's illegal in the UK to get paid for it. Maybe in America you can make a lot of money out of it but not here. It shouldn't be about money.

Ickle Magoo

It would depend on the level of surrogacy involved & how close I am to the people asking. If it meant carrying someone else's child for them then no probs, if it involved my eggs then no.

I'm adopted, the whole concept of one couple having a child and another set being the parents isn't new to me.

Maple

No. I don't feel that I could do that.

I don't think I could detach my emotions so successfully as to be able to do that.

However having said that if it were one of my siblings who needed this, then I would hope I could find the strength within to do it.

I think it's an amazingly selfless gift to give someone.

Ms. Captain M

If it wasn't my eggs and I was basically just a growing machine then yeh I would do it. I have one child and definitely don't want any more, and while I obviously love my son and wouldn't be without him, I just don't think i'm very maternal at all. Being honest, it took me a while to take to him when he was born, I don't think i'd have problems detaching myself from the baby, I have nightmares about having more babies myself!

Morgase

Malari wrote: »

I couldn't do it. I'm not having kids myself, so having them for someone else is out of the question for me. I like my body exactly the way it is thank-you

Same here, no way could I do it.

Jiminy86

No, I don't think I could do it.

sam34

i wouldnt do this as i think it would be emotionally very difficult.

plus, i dont want to ever be pregnant.


i know a man who fathered a child for his sister and her lesbian partner. he said he wanted to help his sister cos he loved her. there was an agreement in place that the child would always know he was the father. that child is now in his 20's and has good contact with his dad and his biological mother, but sadly not with the other woman.

the dad says he has no regrets about it

Faith

sam34 wrote: »

i wouldnt do this as i think it would be emotionally very difficult.

plus, i dont want to ever be pregnant.


i know a man who fathered a child for his sister and her lesbian partner. he said he wanted to help his sister cos he loved her. there was an agreement in place that the child would always know he was the father. that child is now in his 20's and has good contact with his dad and his biological mother, but sadly not with the other woman.

the dad says he has no regrets about it

Wait, so they used an egg and sperm from brother and sister? I didn't think that would be allowed, for genetic reasons.

sam34

Faith wrote: »

Wait, so they used an egg and sperm from brother and sister? I didn't think that would be allowed, for genetic reasons.

NO!

he had sex with his sister's partner

sam34

edit to above, his sister knew all about it obviously and was happy with the situation

they chose to go down teh traditional method of conceiving because of time involved and cost, plus teh other woman didnt mind sleeping with him

Faith

sam34 wrote: »

NO!

he had sex with his sister's partner

Oh right. When you said the kid had good contact with his dad and biological mother, but not the other mother, I assumed the biological mother was the guys sister .

sam34

Faith wrote: »

Oh right. When you said the kid had good contact with his dad and biological mother, but not the other mother, I assumed the biological mother was the guys sister .

sorry, probably my wording!

the kid doesnt see the woman who is technically his aunt very much, even though he was brought up by her and her partner

The Big Red Button

I couldn't see myself ever being a surrogate mother.

I'd be willing to sacrifice a lot if it will save someone else's life, but having a child is not a matter of life and death. Pregnancy is a risky business, it will change the mother's body forever and can have all sorts of nasty long term effects. It's a pretty big ask of someone, and I would hate if someone I cared about put me in that position by asking me. It's basically putting their own wants ahead of my physical health (not to mention the possible/probable psychological implications.)

For me to even consider it, they'd have to have some pretty good reasons for why adoption/fostering wouldn't be an option.

But it's the kind of situation where, if we were close enough for them to ask me to do it, they clearly don't even know me at all or they wouldn't even ask ... that mightn't make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me!

Das Kitty

God no. I'm rubbish at giving birth! Still suffering physically and emotionally 5 months later. It was worth it to have a son but I'm not generous enough to do it for someone else.

Weirdly I don't think I'd have a problem handing the baby over.

lost in my own head

Lillylilly wrote: »

I've always been really interested by the idea of surrogacy. As a young one, when I understood what it was about (about 10 or 11), I thought I would be a surrogate mother at some point. As I got older, I realised that I would probably get too emotionally attached and wouldn't be able for it. I do believe that I will foster children at some point in my life though. I just wonder what you ladies think? Could you be a surrogate mother? Do you know someone who acted as a surrogate mother or do you know someone who is now a parent as a result of a surrogate pregnancy?

Hi there.

Have you children? I personally think that while it's a great thing to do, you need to be sure of how you feel after carrying and giving birth to a baby. the first time I got pregnant it wasn't planned and I was not at all happy about it. But when the baby kicked for the first time I knew that nothing in the world would ever mean as much to me as that baby, and then when you get to hold the baby you never want to let them go. So it may be really hard to have done all that and then give the baby away. I don't know anyone who has been a surrogate, but do know a few people who have planned to give their baby up for adoption and couldn't go through with it in the end. If you think that there is a chance you will get emotionally involved, then you shouldn't do it, not yet anyway. Wait a few years, you'll know when and if you are ready. but in saying that it should always be your own choice.

seenitall

No! Even just reading people's views on here makes me feel all emotional.

I think only women with no maternal instincts whatsoever should be allowed to be surrogates, and possibly also women who have completed their families and find the idea of another child absolutely abhorrent, otherwise they really have no clue what they are letting themselves in for.

Tipsygypsy

I would happily be a surrogate in the case of it being someone close to me who couldn't have a baby themselves - I've had my babies (3 gorgeous boys) and really enjoyed being pregnant (didn't stop me whinging though) - births were tough and twould have to be a section due to previous complications. But if a good friend/family member asked I would be unlikely to say no. Would demand godmotherhood though. I wouldn't do it for a stranger for money though.

vicecreamsundae

emotionally i would be happy to do it if it were for someone i cared about/knew would make a great parent.
but physically i'm still horrified at the idea of being pregnant for even myself, so it's not something i would offer to do.

CathyMoran

Pregnancy was tough enough for me to begin with (though the result is so worth it), would only do it for family, could never do it for money...I got and am incredibly attached to my child so giving a child up would be tough, I cant even be apart from him for more than 5 minutes without being very upset (he is only just over 10 weeks old).

Lillylilly

lost in my own head wrote: »

Hi there.

Have you children? I personally think that while it's a great thing to do, you need to be sure of how you feel after carrying and giving birth to a baby. the first time I got pregnant it wasn't planned and I was not at all happy about it. But when the baby kicked for the first time I knew that nothing in the world would ever mean as much to me as that baby, and then when you get to hold the baby you never want to let them go. So it may be really hard to have done all that and then give the baby away. I don't know anyone who has been a surrogate, but do know a few people who have planned to give their baby up for adoption and couldn't go through with it in the end. If you think that there is a chance you will get emotionally involved, then you shouldn't do it, not yet anyway. Wait a few years, you'll know when and if you are ready. but in saying that it should always be your own choice.

No, I don't have children. I would imagine that the idea of giving a baby up after the 9 month bond would be ridiculously hard. As a teen, I always thought about surrogacy in a 'matter of fact' sort of way- helping people who just wanted to be parents. I've grown into a really maternal person and could not imagine giving a tiny person I grew in my belly away. I have considered donating my eggs though. It's supposed to be a very lengthy, painful procedure though, with frequent hormone injections and stuff. I'd have to be in a place where I was ready to commit to all that. I think all of this, including my wish to foster children, will only happen after I have my own children.

boxercreations

In my early 20's I did seriously think about being surrogate for a gay male couple - I had no issues with the idea or the handing over, it was their relationship that eventually made me decide not to, or rather us all not to and now I'm glad because I feel had it been my egg I would have felt a life long responsibility if not an actual bond.
Now I have children, I could happily carry a baby for a couple as long as it was both donor sperm and donor egg.

caseyann

I wouldnt be able to do it,and wouldnt kid myself into even thinking i would be able.Its stressful and tiring and emotionally hard enough doing it for yourself.
Adopt there is loads of children all over the place who have no families and no love give it to them.

Asphyxia

I wouldn't be able to, after nine months of bonding with the baby I couldn't live with giving them away. I think it's incredible that some women would do that for others though.

lost in my own head

CathyMoran wrote: »

Pregnancy was tough enough for me to begin with (though the result is so worth it), would only do it for family, could never do it for money...I got and am incredibly attached to my child so giving a child up would be tough, I cant even be apart from him for more than 5 minutes without being very upset (he is only just over 10 weeks old).

I know exactly what you mean, I've three children, eldest is four, haven't gone out since I found out I was pregnant with her, she is going for a trial day at her playshcool tomorrow and my hearth is braking, (and she's only going for an hour) and to make things worse it's my little sister's 21st this weekend and I'm dreading going to that as won't be able to get back till the next morning, OUCH

sarahlulu

I could definitely be a surrogate mum, but only for a couple I knew very well, and cared a lot about. Money would never change hands though.

up for anything

I could do it but only now when I have had enough of my own babies and everyone else's. I have offered to do it for my sister but I only have a couple of good years left in me so she'd want to hurry up. I have abysmal pregnancies so would want a few hours home help to do cleaning, laundry and cook/freeze food for bad really days so my own kids wouldn't lose out but I only ever go to between seven and seven and half months so wouldn't be forever.