What do you class as "banter" or "totally inappropriate" in work?

anniehoo

Where i work its probably 50:50 guys to girls and to be honest most of us get on great. Theres plenty of slagging and the usual banter and most of the time i love it. Theres sometimes quite alot of sexual overtones to some of the comments and/or conversations and the girls can be as bad as the lads.I think id be fairly mild compared to most.

Lately though, theres one particular guy lets call him Mike.Hes a senior person and is generally the life and soul of the place.Hes always in great form and cracking jokes, he pushes the boundaries to be honest but hes cheeky enough to get away with it. Recently when hes around the conversations have basically become more and more "dirty" and fairly personal.He used to be my boss about a year ago so i wouldnt consider him a friend at all. An example of how the conversation between him and a few of the girls at lunch last week was about "tea bagging and oral sex". It got fairly intense and to be honest i was mortified.Id chat to my best mates about things like that but not to a senior in work, regardless of whether hes good craic or not.

Im now unsure of whether im being too sensitive or not.What do you guys think?How far is too far with regards work "friends" and "havin the craic"?

Lia_lia

I talk to everyone about pretty much anything, so work/managers/whatever isn't really an issue to me. Unless I was going telling my manager I go on coke binges every weekend. You know, something that could get me fired. But sex etc, grand!


(I don't go on coke binges every weekend btw)

Pembily

anniehoo wrote: »

An example of how the conversation between him and a few of the girls at lunch last week was about "tea bagging and oral sex".

I am not working but the guys in college come out with that all the time, but they only really say it alot in the last 2 year of our course (only girl in class of 35 guys and we just finished 2 year degree) and it doesn't bother me as I know them for 4 years but when I was working no matter what position the person held, unless I knew them very well, I would be uncomfortable talking about that - I feel its a little bit too far... Plus a bit immature to be honest - I expect from the lads in college as they are 21 / 22!!!

fillefatale

I'm not a prude by any means, I enjoy a bit of innuendo but that seems to be straining the boundaries, a work environment isn't a place to be airing your dirty laundry... maybe, just maybe if it was socially outside work. But definitely not in work.

krankykitty

I enjoy a bit of banter and slagging in work, but would draw the line at what the OP mentioned.

I remember reading some HR bumph about respect in the workplace and the suggested rule was, if you wouldn't tell a particular joke in front of your mother or granny, it's more than likely not suitable for the work environment!

WindSock

Ugh, sounds like you work with a David Brent type character who thinks he is 'down with' his collegues. There is a line of what is acceptable banter among co-workers and seniors in the workplace, imo. Save it for outside, you're not all mates in the pub.

Silverfish

Once it makes you feel uncomfortable, it's crossed the line from harmless banter imo.

If you ask the person to stop, and they continue, then it's inappropriate.

donfers

talking about teabagging and oral sex isn't banter at all...it's boring conversation that I'd expect from teenagers, banter surely implies some form of wit, but what you describe sounds like immature, childish, attention-seeking provocative nonsense and it is incredibly dull too

Nervous Wreck

General rule to go by: If someone's giving unsolicited, graphic detail, they aren't getting any of anything. Sure, it can be inappropriate but, 9 times outta 10, all you have to say is "I'd rather not have this conversation with you, thanks" and the dude'll shut up.

Snoopy1

I work with 10 men and 2 women, so you can imagine the conversations we have.
Doesnt bother me to be honest what they talk about (teabagging comes up alot). I usually can join in with the best of them, although dont talk about everything.
Gets a bit frustrating at break time, when all thy talk about is women walking past, but i just ignor them.

miss5

It becomes inappropriate when you start to feel uncomfortable, There should
be limits as to how personal conversation becomes in a work environment.

Pythia

I had an issue in my old work where a guy kept saying stuff like that to me except when I was on my own. I sent him an email and told him to stop as I felt it was inappropriate. It 100% stopped after that. I would recommend a similar course of action.

Assets Model

That's completely inappropriate for work IMO maybe do as pythia said or just leave the situation when they talk about stuff like that. Take lunch on your own or go for a walk or somethingn I defo wouldn't be talking to colleagues about stuff like that.

SarahJ

I wouldn't want to hear about teabagging and oral sex from my best friend, let alone a work colleague!

Definitely not work place banter.

jokettle

That's definitely going too far!

I work in a small research lab with just my supervisor and one other student, I share an office with the other student. We've become friends over the last year or so and we'd chat about most things, but not the nitty details of sex lives!

Maybe if we had a few drinks in the pub after work things would get more informal, but for now that would be ridiculously inapporpriate.

Sabatage

If its any help (and I'm a bloke) the golden rule is comments should be pitched towards the recievers demenour. What I mean by that is I have a female work collegue who we can tell dirty jokes to each other. I have another who I wouldnt dare - not for fear of being fired - more so I respect her standards (mine are in the gutter!) I have male collegues who dont see that - just want to smack them!

Dudess

I wouldn't have a problem with talk about ANYTHING as long as it's having a laugh and not creepy.

BumbleB

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

General rule to go by: If someone's giving unsolicited, graphic detail, they aren't getting any of anything. Sure, it can be inappropriate but, 9 times outta 10, all you have to say is "I'd rather not have this conversation with you, thanks" and the dude'll shut up.

+1 here ,I used to work with a guy like that and it wasn't until his marriage broke up that we realised that everything he was saying was pure bs. He wasn't getting anything .

bubble_wrap

BumbleB wrote: »

+1 here ,I used to work with a guy like that and it wasn't until his marriage broke up that we realised that everything he was saying was pure bs. He wasn't getting anything .

don't agree, are you talking about conversations with a mixed group or guys with guys etc, i worked with a guy who used to talk about his sex life sometimes, only with a chosen few (never with women) and he has 4 kids, his wifes a cracker, i 100% believed him, cause i would of been doing the same to his wife if i were him and well he was a good laugh,i guess we all told a story or two,never with the womens present though, just for a laugh,so it was all good! however any bloke or woman going into in depth detail with the opposite sex clearly has a bit of Tiger woods in him/her and may be hopeful of getting a bite, hence the conversations, personally i think people like that are assholes and would steer well clear in work, save it for the bar! - this is just my opinion

Eve_Dublin

It´d be more of a case of me not finding that kind of humour funny so I´d be bored more than offended. It´s all a bit "woopsyadaisy how´s your father wink wink" Graham Norton shiite that´s just not funny. I´d rather poke needles in my ears than listen to "Mike".

HereNorThere

As with some here, my workplace has a 50/50 ratio as well. And the talk sometimes leads to sex. But it is usually done light heartedly and humorously. However......(starts to grit teeth), what infuriates me is when the guys stand around in all access areas,and hover over their phones looking at internet porn flashes. I feel they should take it to the men's room if they just can't wait to get their rocks off at home.

Also, had a bad experience a year and a half ago when for some odd reason our boss goes and knowingly hires a *GASP* registered sex offender :eek:. Well this nimrod starts harassing me big time. Boss did nothing so I had to go above his head. Got the MF fired- but had hell to pay when my boss returned from his 3 day suspension without pay. Twice as much work thrown at me, and hours were cut back.....

Life's a beach sometimes.

MJOR

I am the only girl in the office and one of the guys is dirty i doubt the other three even know what a ride is!

If the dirty fella goes over board or makes inappropriate comments dierected at me i would pull him on it....

PK2008

MJOR wrote: »

I am the only girl in the office and one of the guys is dirty i doubt the other three even know what a ride is!

If the dirty fella goes over board or makes inappropriate comments dierected at me i would pull him on it....

MJOR

walked straight into that one

Rockery Woman

He sounds like hes not getting much lovin' at home - bet he's ugly too....;)