Do you ever feel like you're fated? Or cursed? (Lads and Ladies)

Sternum

Hi, I'm new to the forums. I'm not sure if this is the proper section for this. So please move it if it doesn't belong. I thought it counted as 'girl talk', even if I would like blokes' opinions too. I've got thinking about this just today (I was bored at work), so I'll try to make myself as clear as possible.
Do you ever feel like some force (I'll call it fate) is playing with you? When I ask this question I mean that it could apply to any aspect of your life, though I'm going to use my own personal example. Here goes -
(I hope I don't sound creepy. I'm not seriously stalking someone, but this is just a culmination of things I've noticed. I think it's kinda funny, tbh)

About three years ago I met this guy at a friends party in Glasgow. We chatted for a bit and one thing led to another, etc, etc. Unfortunately he's Korean - according to my mate he was a friend of a friend...and so on - and left the day after. I didn't see him for about two years, then I found him on my mate's FB and added him. We've commented each other, but never spoken properly. However, he updates obsessively, so much so that I seem to know almost everything about him in just a few months. From what I've seen there are a billion different coincidences between us.
1) The most obvious thing is that we have nearly all the same interests. Books, films, music, philosophies you name it.
2) Let's take a look at my best mate. She's a bassist, he's a bassist. She has OCD, he has OCD. He's Korean, she got sent to Korea a couple of months ago (she's an English teacher) to the same province he's from (they've never met).
3) Almost every single guy I've gone out with, or even flirted with has been a bassist. If they weren't a bassist, at some stage they said to me that they'd love to pick up bass (I've never had any specific interest in bassists). These examples originate from before I even met him. Out of those five guys, three were Korean. One was from China. The one guy I went out with that wasn't Asian treated me like crap.
4) The last guy I was really into, I met at another party, thrown by the same friend in Glasgow. This was one year after I met Himself. This guy also happened to be a bassist and was also Korean. Nothing happened but we agreed we wanted to keep in touch. We tried to keep things together, but with me over here and him studying in Glasgow we just decided to give it up. Talking to the guy that had thrown both parties a while later, I found out that Himself was supposed to be at the second one, but he and a bunch of friends had gotten lost on the way and ended up just going to a pub.
5) I was meant to go to Korea to visit my friend. I planned on surprising her on New Year's Eve, but I couldn't afford it. Went onto Facebook on New Year's Day to see an update from Himself 'new years party was great. i got into fight with one irish guy, haha'. Turns out that Irish guy was with my friend.

There's a few other minor things, but these are my best examples and I think my example's convuluted enough already.
It's weird, isn't it? Some guy I have no chance of ever meeting again, and yet everything that happens to me seems to have some sort of connection to him. Although I'm actively doing my own thing, some other force seems to keep diverting my attention back to one person.
Anyone have their own expieriences of being bounced around by some unseen force?

RacoonQueen

I believe that fate likes to piss me off. Does that count?

Sternum

^^Of course!
It's messed up how our fates try to play with our heads sometimes.

SugarHigh

I don't want to sound patronising but this is all that came to mind when I read your post.

I was walking to class today and the funniest thing happened: I saw a car with the license plate ‘ARW 357’. Can you imagine? Of all the possible license plates, what are the chances of seeing that one? - Richard Feynman

Nevyn

I beleive everyone has thier won fate/doom/wyrd.

Blush_01

I tend to rub guys called John up the wrong way. That's as far as fate goes for me I'm afraid!

miss5

I do believe in fate and that to a certain extent life is out of our hands.

2kool4skool

I believe that I am incredibly lucky. I think as a result of that attitude things generally work out very well for me and damn it I keep seeing that registration plate too,

liah

I don't believe in fate but I'm convinced it's trying to tell me it exists.

Snowie

liah wrote: »

I don't believe in fate but I'm convinced it's trying to tell me it exists.

personally I know eaxactly what you means
/strokes stuble (like captain jack sparrow )


tho I like to think that I do have some dissions, with in the path I walk maybe as you call small forks on the road that may go a different way but lead me to the same place but the experence is the some what different depending on the choices I make.

if that makes sence?:)

Wibbs

I dunno, I dont believe in fate, because then I would have to acknowledge some level of predestination, plus I would have to acknowledge some "plan" to it all and sinc I can have no knowledge of any "planner" it doesnt sit well with me. Unless I consider the universe outside our linear perceptions. In which case time while not an illusion is but one aspect we cant see beyond. And if I could I would see a universe in its entirety, all information, "beginning" to "end", static. Or an infinite multiverse where every information event splits into a new event line. Then I lie down, cos my brain hurts.

But no I generally dont believe in "meant to be/fate/kismet". I think it diminishes the individual life.

Handsome Bob

I believe that inevitably, when we're trying to achieve things, we always fall down. But it's not fate. Fate doesn't keep you down when you momentarily fall, you keep yourself down when you give up. Take for example when someone is trying to lose weight, the first sign of a wobble and so many people give up. It's not about fate, people just have to learn how to pick themselves back up when they fall.

Pyr0

I think when people hit the ground hard they blame fate. It's a common thing thrown around these days and it annoys me to some extent "Ah it was just fate I guess". Maybe they're just using it as a figure of speech to say "tough luck" but I'd say a lot of people do believe it as "the way it was meant to be". Also, stuff like "it was fate that brought us together" maybe a figure of speech maybe not.

I like to believe that everything happens in our own life based on the decisions we make, no matter how small. Every action as a consequence to something or someone, butterfly effect if you will. These consequences won't always be the life changing, mad dramatic events that you'd associate with some actions IE: Saving someone from being hit by a car and all that jazz but they do change something be it the direction someone walks, to something you or someone else decides to buy, clothes you/someone else wears that day.

I don't believe in things happening because "that was the plan". Unless you planned it yourself

Bit of a messy post, I'm in work and trying not to get caught :pac:

Das Kitty

I don't believe in fate at all. I love a seemingly amazing coincidence when one comes my way, I take great pleasure in them. I don't think it's any outside force at play, just we as humans seek out patterns amongst chaos.

I feel lucky quite a lot but mainly because I'm mostly an optimist. I could easily look at the same period of time and feel cursed if I focused on the negative occurences intead of letting them go.

Wibbs

Plus when people believe in this Ive noted they self select outcomes that will agree with it and ignore ones that dont. Like when people think themselves lucky or unlucky. If 10 things happen 5 bad, 4 neutral and 1 good. The "lucky" people largely ignore the 9 bad/neutral and focus on the 1 good. The "Unlucky" people just see the 5 bad or even the neutral. The lucky people seeing life as generally going their way are much more likely to take risks and risk taking usually pays off. So they actually become "luckier". EG if you find you end up time and time again going out with real eejits, chances are very high you're selecting them. For all sorts of reasons.

Ditto with coincidence. Because coincidence sticks out we notice it. We ignore the 99.999% of encounters or occurrences that have no value because they're not unusual. Its like if you buy a red car, you start to notice other red cars on the road. Yet red cars are common. People on average are, well pretty average. Large groups you will meet will have similar interests, personalities and backgrounds.

Its like that old chestnut of love at first sight. By any logic it simply cant happen. It's only true in retrospect. What happens is that you see someone that ticks your various boxes physically. Fits your template as it were. So you immediately are more open to them. You talk and find,"Ohmigod!! they went to France once on holiday!! And have an older brother who works in an office!! and they like Muse!! Oh. Mi. Gaaawd!! :eek::eek::eek:. Its meant to be". You'll ignore the facts where they dont fit the template too. Unless they come out later and you split, but then of course it wasnt love at first sight and you wont think on it like that. You also wont notice the people who dont fit this template. You may meet them but off the bat ignore them. Self selection at work. I've done it myself. I've tended to like Latin women. I felt at home in such cultures even as a kid on holidays. So it's not surprising that Ive gone out with two Spaniards, three Italians and a Greek. I selected for them.

So with the OP, I'd say you dig the Asian culture, so you select for Asian guys. The bad experience with the non Asian guy just reinforced this. Many people get into playing music as teenagers. Bass is a popular instrument. Every band has one, so meeting an Asian guy who is interested or plays bass is not such a stretch at all. If it was Eskimo lads who played the French horn Id be more impressed

Still I'd follow that one up.Ya never know.

Ive been around a fair old time and I can think of maybe three or four coincidences or life connections where I thought ":eek: WTF!!!".

Or am I just a terrible cynic :o

I am very lucky but i this Wibbs is probably right i have a very up beat optimistic personality so i am inclined to interpret thing in a positive way.

Everyone man iv been in a relationship with has either been an engineer or an Architect, now i could say thats a big coincidence ... but its more lightly that i am attracted to logical people and engineers are usually very logical.

Then again i have had a few coincidences in my life that have no real explanation except fate!!!!!

rebel10

I have been described as "jammy". Suppose i wouldn't say that i believe in fate, but things just happen coincidentally.
One time i was workin in Greece in a restaurant with this Irish guy for about two months. Three years later, walking down a street in San Francisco, went to cross the road and who should be passing me but himself!! Had a good chat. Now if this was fate, then i should have probably ended up scoring with him!:)
I was in Italy last year. Wanted to go see Paolo Nutini who was playing that night, but tickets were sold out. Was sitting down havin my dinner complaining about the bleakness of the situation, when all of a sudden my friend said, "oh my God, he is behind you!" There was Nutini himself bout to sit down to dinner, before he managed this i went over, as nice as pie and asked him if maybe he could find us a few tickets, which he did. Great stuff. Now if this was fate, Paolo would probably have dropped lasagne and molested me. :pac:
So many situations like this. Does this qualify as fate?

SugarHigh

mariaalice wrote: »

I am very lucky but i this Wibbs is probably right i have a very up beat optimistic personality so i am inclined to interpret thing in a positive way.

Everyone man iv been in a relationship with has either been an engineer or an Architect, now i could say thats a big coincidence ... but its more lightly that i am attracted to logical people and engineers are usually very logical.

Then again i have had a few coincidences in my life that have no real explanation except faith!!!!!

I think you also tend to look for positive reinforcement of things you like and negative reinforcement of things you don't like because this makes you more sure that what you believe is true. So you will exaggerate the positives of the things you like while dismissing their negatives and do the inverse for things you don't like.

SugarHigh

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno, I dont believe in fate, because then I would have to acknowledge some level of predestination, plus I would have to acknowledge some "plan" to it all and sinc I can have no knowledge of any "planner" it doesnt sit well with me. Unless I consider the universe outside our linear perceptions. In which case time while not an illusion is but one aspect we cant see beyond. And if I could I would see a universe in its entirety, all information, "beginning" to "end", static. Or an infinite multiverse where every information event splits into a new event line. Then I lie down, cos my brain hurts.

But no I generally dont believe in "meant to be/fate/kismet". I think it diminishes the individual life.

Well there are some experiments using weak nuclear forces that may prove retro-causality. Where the results from experiments in the future were shown to affect the results of experiments being carried out in the present.

Deciding how valid those experiments are really depends on how valid weak nuclear testing is.

4zn76tysfajdxp

I'll only believe in fate when Wibbs ends up with a mute.

Aurora Borealis

"Character is fate". A quote from Novalis me thinks. Yeah life can throw wobbles and wonders but it's our dealing with them that decides our fate in any given situation. The older I get, the better I get at doing what's right for me, and I think we have to take the credit and/or the rap for the way things roll sometimes.

Mr. Incognito

I think it's bollox. It's crap like this that has Irish psychics live conning pensioners out of their post office savings.

You dig a guy.

He plays a common instrument.

"Everyone I've ever gone out with is a bassist or would like to play a bass". You lost me right there. Everyone I've ever gone out with has had a head. WOW, I must like people with heads.

If you like him, do something more than stalk his posts on facebook. Don't wimp out and think that fate will fix it for you because it won't.

Then he'll be "the one that got away"

blah blah blah.

Sentimental rubbish.

Rented Mule

There is no fate. There is no destiny. There is no pre-planned future for any of us.

The events/incidents that happen to us in our daily lives define us as who we are as people.

The choices that we make and our actions throughout define our character.

Wibbs

OK folks lets keep this civil and less dismissive please.

Piste

I think a lot of what I might see as an amazing coincidence or fate is just selectively noticing details and attributing greater meaning to them than I ordinarily would. Our brains try to spot and remember patterns, so we're more likely to notice something that "fits" that pattern, even if there are a milion other details that dont fit it.


I'm not sure if that made any sense...it barely did to me anyway!

caseyann

I felt i was cursed my whole life through
But i still dont let it get me down and carry on and take what ever the next thing throws at me.

Bring it on :cool::mad:

2kool4skool

A classic example is the following:

I have a clock radio beside my bed. I find that incredibly frequently just as I am getting in to bed the clock reads 12:34. This despite the fact of never deliberately going to bed at that specific time.

The rational explanation would be:

a I simply stay up until approximately that time due to b;

b My inner clock brings me to bed at approximately that time;

c I would have first noticed that time because of the numerically progressing numbers;

d The times the clock reads some other time are not consciously noticed by me and accordingly I have never started to notice the amount of times I have gone to bed at 12:27 or some other specific time;

e It may take me three minutes or so to get changed and get in to bed. If at any time during that time the clock reads 12:34, my conscious mind will register it and record it as another example of this phenomenon.

I believe that while the above is very easy to explain logically, if you extend the reasoning to the other examples given, they can all be logically explained, including the fact that if one goes back to the first example, if she meets a Korean bassist her mind is going to be very receptive to feelings of attraction/love for him.

Pythia

I believe in luck to an extent. I do realise there's a chance that if you flip a coin 100 times, sometimes you will get 100 heads (1/2^50 or a very small chance!) and some people manage to be that coin. For example, I win a lot of raffles in which I enter, like I won the Xmas raffle and the following Easter raffle in work, where there are 100s of people working.

SarahMs

I never thought about it until I met the OH.........

*we both had lived in the same NY apartment block at the same time

*He worked in a pub I went into alot in LA, yet I never saw him

*he is in the back of a photo of me that was taken in Brussels

*his fathers grave is beside a 'sarah murphy'

there are others but ya get the idea.

I'm not religious at all but I always think 'what's ment to be will be etc'

Eve_Dublin

rebel10 wrote: »

I have been described as "jammy". Suppose i wouldn't say that i believe in fate, but things just happen coincidentally.
One time i was workin in Greece in a restaurant with this Irish guy for about two months. Three years later, walking down a street in San Francisco, went to cross the road and who should be passing me but himself!! Had a good chat. Now if this was fate, then i should have probably ended up scoring with him!:)
I was in Italy last year. Wanted to go see Paolo Nutini who was playing that night, but tickets were sold out. Was sitting down havin my dinner complaining about the bleakness of the situation, when all of a sudden my friend said, "oh my God, he is behind you!" There was Nutini himself bout to sit down to dinner, before he managed this i went over, as nice as pie and asked him if maybe he could find us a few tickets, which he did. Great stuff. Now if this was fate, Paolo would probably have dropped lasagne and molested me. :pac:
So many situations like this. Does this qualify as fate?

Your first example is just so typical of Ireland. The world is not small, Ireland is....did a Spanish class in Dublin before I went travelling in South America then bumped into a guy from my class completely randomly twice in two separate countries n South America. Moved to Spain last year and work as an English teacher...was photocopying some stuff recently and who walks in but the Irish guy! I´ve bumped into this person I´ve not been in touch 4 times in four different countries!


Also was travelling with a girl for a while and we were talking about our exes one night, I mentioned my ex who´d broken my heart then later she mentioned how she met an Irish guy in a different part of the country and that we were going to meet him later....and who was the guy? My ex! There´s more to that story...more coincidences but don´t want give too much away.

These types of crazy coincidences have happened a lot and although they´ve blown me away at the time, I believe they´re just that...coincidences.