Friend with Ex boyfriend/girlfriend

hayley33

What is your opinion on a very close friend seeing an ex boyfriend/girlfriend of yours? Is it ok regardless of the length of the time it is over between you and the ex?

Fago!

It depends on how you feel about said ex. If it's been over for ages and there's no feelings there, then I reckon I'd give my friend my "blessing"... Also, if your friend came to you first and asked if it was ok, rather then going behind your back.

I've wanted to go out with a mate's ex for a few months (They broke up in January). I won't because I know it'd annoy him because he still likes her AFAIK, and if I was in his shoes, it'd bug me too TBH.

Just my opinion.

Not a good idea at all, it just creates a great tension between you and your friend. Also a true friend wouldn't do that on you, unless that friend didn't know you when you were with your ex-boyfriend....

Fago!

Tension? Maybe if the friendship wasn't that stable in the first place OR there were still feeling for your ex.

I've seen loads of people who are best mates and one of them is dating a girl or guy the other used to. It's a common thing.

I say let it be OP.

Novella

It really depends on the situation. Was the relationship serious, has your friend moved on etc. I have an ex who I'd be pretty annoyed if any of my close friends started to see. Actually, if a friend of mine really wanted to be with one of my exes and I thought it was gonna be more than a fling or whatever, I think I'd be okay with it. I'd hate to stand in the way of love... or something!

I guess you just have to talk to your friend about it before you make a move.

Fago!

Fago! wrote: »

Tension? Maybe if the friendship wasn't that stable in the first place OR there were still feeling for your ex.

I've seen loads of people who are best mates and one of them is dating a girl or guy the other used to. It's a common thing.

I say let it be OP.

Of course there would be tension if they are very close friends, the last thing id want is to hear my best mate waffling on about any of my ex's well the long term ones anyways

Panthro

i used to go out with a girl, my best mate went out with a girl at the same time. The two girls were also best mates, both relationships have broken up since.
My best mates ex could be visiting me tonight, i feel i should inform my best mate that il be hanging out with his ex, although iv no real reason behind the need to inform him, he broke up with her and i used to live with her so all 3 parties involved know theres absolutely nothing whatsoever there on the romantic side of things, yet im a bros before hoes kind a fella, so personally if i were in a situation where i fancied my mates ex, id be asking for absolute approval from the mate, and if i thought fr one second it would affect friendship with best mate, it would be a definate no-go area for me.

hayley33

Just to clarify - I'm not really talking about feelings for an ex as such because I'm well over that - but should a friend really do that? Friend Loyality and all that or am I just being silly

hayley33

hayley33 wrote: »

Just to clarify - I'm not really talking about feelings for an ex as such because I'm well over that - but should a friend really do that? Friend Loyality and all that or am I just being silly

No your not being silly, as i said in my last post you probably dont wanna here your friend talking about him and all, even though you are over him it will still annoy you. Well i know it would annoy me if a friend done that or even if a friend asked if i minded lol

Faith

I'd be really pissed off if one of my friends got with my ex. Like, incredibly annoyed.

I kind of fancy one of my friends - I wouldn't mind a casual thing with him perhaps. But he went out with one of my best friends for 3 years, and even though she's completely over him and in a fantastic relationship, I'd never go near him. There's plenty more men out there.

princess-lala

Not a hope of it in my gang of friends!

Even if it was just a quick relationship.

miss5

I don't think it could work honestly, If your friend was a genuine person they wouldn't
do it, to be honest it's very bad form.

Black Swan

hayley33 wrote: »

What is your opinion on a very close friend seeing an ex boyfriend/girlfriend of yours?

Insensitive and uncouth.

seenitall

I don't see any problem with the situation, as long as she lets me know what is about to go down , AND I can honestly OK it as there are no romantic feelings left there on my part.

The other side of the coin is, I would expect a good friend to extend me the same courtesy as that. Spread the love etc.

Kimia

I think it depends. I would probably have no problem with a friend going out with a guy I was in a casual relationship with, but if a friend started seeing my ex who I was with for 5 years for example, I would be weird about that. I don't want him in my life and if he was going out with my friend he'd be around all the time, plus it would be so strange! Also, I'd be wondering if she fancied him when I was with him. And unfair or not, I would think less of her and probably phase her out. It would fundamentally change how I see her and whether that's pc or not it's just the way I feel.

Kiera

I wouldnt be happy if one of my friends got with someone i had loved but just casual relationships that didnt last over a few months wouldnt bother me.

GirlOfGlass

My current boyfriend was my ex boyfriends good friend. He gave him permission to go for it with me. So I guess it's okay when you give permission.
They're not as close friends anymore, dunno if that's got anything to do with me or not...

Twee.

A tricky situation. I really think it depends on the previous relationship. It's never happened to me with a boyfriend, but with someone I had kissed and did really like. My mate then also kissed him. But, they did seem to really like each other. My view was that if it turns out to be a fling, I'm getting my knickers in a twist, but if they end up in a relationship, who am I to stand in the way of love! They ended up going out for a year.
We discussed it before she went on a date with him, and I let her know I was cool with it. If she hadn't have done that, things would have been a whole lot different!

Raze_them_all

I wouldn't go near any of my mates ex'sbut my mates can hook up with mine and it doesn't bother me, hell one my ex's is engaged to one my mates after i set them up and another two just hooked up tonight!!

G86

It wouldn't really phase me to be honest, they're exes for a reason. I've set up a friends of mine with guys I've dated in the past, was never an issue.

Edit: BUT if it was someone you loved and you weren't over it, then it wouldn't be cool, not cool at all. No friend would do that.

WindSock

I wouldn't wish my ex on anyone, even my enemies

It depends on a few things really, already stated on this thread. But you could also be giving up a wonderful oppertunity to spare someones feelings whom you probably won't even be mates with a few years down the line. Depends on how close you are to them, I guess. And how involved they were too.

Clare Bear

I don't talk to my ex boyfriends. I'm one of those people who cuts them off and never wants to see them again. Not in a bad way, more to protect myself. So I wouldn't be too impressed if any of my friends ended up with one of them. That's pretty much a "don't go there" thing between my friends anyway, we'd never touch eachothers' ex boyfriends. There's plenty of men out there, no need to take friends' sloppy seconds.

ash23

Of all my old exs, there is only one I would take issue with a friend making a move on and it's because it was a LTR, there was a house and child involved, he treated me like crap and I think it would be very disrespectful of a friend of mine to just put all that aside and get with him.
If someone treated my mate really badly I wouldn't want to speak to him let alone do the nasty.

On the other hand a friend of mine is always trying to set me up with her ex.
She is totally over him, it was an amicable separation and she's moved on and they get on grand. I still wouldn't be comfortable with it though!

Anna Molly

My ex, that I was with for a year was a douche!! I wouldn't let her go near him for the sake of her own benefit!!
Anyone can get with Darmstrong, if I approve, cause he is lovely!!
Any nice girls out there!?:D
Pimpin it up [:

1c1a

It's a no no.. like the unwritten/ unspoken girl rule:)

2kool4skool

Feelings on being in a happy stable relationship and keeping in touch through facebook with ex's who are outside the country and who have moved on with their lives also? Totally platonic. Still feel a bit guilty about it and don't know if that's just Irish guilt or not.

Pyr0

I'd have to ask my mate about it if I was going for someone they were seeing previously. If a mate was interested in an ex of mine and I had no feelings for the girl anymore, then grand for it (unless I knew he was a total assh*le with women) but If I still had feelings for the girl, I'd appreciate if they didn't do anything but I can't exactly demand it.

Asphyxia

Yeah it would depend on how you feel about them really! In my case I wouldn't mind not really friends with them anymore. If they wanted to go for it I wouldn't mind as long as they new I wouldn't be hanging with them much, be kinda weird. Don't think they would though the lot of them were idiots.

Abi

It depends entirely on each individual, and in what circumstances the relationship ended I guess. If it were a case where an ex had cheated or the relationship ended in a bad way, I can understand anyone who took issue with it.

But I personally wouldn't have a problem with one of my friends seeing an ex. If it didn't work out you probably weren't compatible in the first place. I wouldn't begrudge an ex or a friend happiness.

CathyMoran

2kool4skool wrote: »

Feelings on being in a happy stable relationship and keeping in touch through facebook with ex's who are outside the country and who have moved on with their lives also? Totally platonic. Still feel a bit guilty about it and don't know if that's just Irish guilt or not.

Am in contact with two of them (my husband knows this, he is even friends with one of them), we have all moved on and all have children - do not see any problem.

As to my friends seeing ex's - they are all happily married/in long term relationships now (gosh I feel old). I did have one case of a friend seeing an ex - it was compicated though.