Need confidence to move away by myself?

zxcvbnm1

This is not a big problem.

i wouldn't mnind moving away to work to meet new people, expeience a new city etc.

Would involve moving by myself though as I have no one to go with.

Thinking of london as the most realistic option due to proximity and most likely place to get a job.

I am in my early 30s by the way.

Think i need that extra kick of confidence to take it on though.

Just wondering have many people done something similar in teh past? (i am sure lots have)

Were you apprehensive in advance? How did it work out in terms of meeting people etc.

poisonated

Two of my brothers headed over to London. They really enjoyed it and found it quite easy to get to know people.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation as you and I'm not sure if you feel the same but I have a huge fear barrier holding me back and the thoughts of being totally alone in a foreign city scares the bejesus out of me if I'm totally honest.

I'm in my early 30's and really think a change of city would do me the world of good........I just can't bring myself to do it for some reason. All of my mates are either settling down with their wives/girlfriends and my few single friends are always skint and never seem to go out anymore so I feel like life is passing me by living in Dublin. Maybe a move would rejuvenate me? Do you feel like this? Maybe your age has a bearing on your decision? I mean if you were in your early 20's would you still be as apprehensive?

The other thing that is haunting me is that I am single for two years now and my ex (and the ex before that) were both foreign girls and I always think back to fond memories of trips to their home cities with them and have the notion that if I move abroad it will make me happier in myself and possibly I'll be able to finally get my love life back on track (foreign women seem attracted to me while it seems Irish girls are the polar opposite.......but that's a topic for another thread).

Anyway sorry for hijacking your thread OP, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in the way that you feel.

Eve_Dublin

Hey OP. I´ve been there. Moved to Madrid last September on my own. Didn´t know a soul here, had no job, my Spanish was still pretty basic and I´d nowhere to live. I literally started from scratch. The thing is, I wouldn´t say I´m a particularly confident person....some people might disagree with me but those who know me well would agree but I´m comfortable in my own skin and can spend days on my own without getting lonely. This has only come putting myself in that position many times where I had only myself to depend on (I travelled around South America on my own for 11 months over year ago).

I posted a thread up before I left expressing my insecurities, fears and doubts about moving(I´ll have a look for it now and post it up in a sec)...I was absolutely terrified. The morning I flew out I was literally shaking with the nerves and was in a state of blind panic and I remember crying controllably in a toilet cubicle in Dublin airport. I´m not going to go into the ins and outs of how I settled but it wasn´t easy to begin with and if you do move, you can´t expect to be settled for at least 4 or 5 months. That´s not to say you´ll be miserable for that time, but you´ll feel unsettled and you´ll come across the inevitable diffiiculties of moving to a different country and adapting to the culture (lived in the UK for 3 years and English culture is NOT a whole lot different from the Irish)... but the thing is not to give up. Expect the unexpected but always remember that things WILL get better.

Confidence comes with putting yourself in these kinds of situations, not before. You can´t just turn the confidence on and off when it suits you...you gain it by trial and error and realising that even when the your situation is really bad, it improves eventually.

I´m really happy right now and very proud of what I´ve achieved. I´m earning enough to live on, live in a great flat, made some great friends (quality not quantity in my case), Spanish is coming along, met a nice man and I finally "get" this country to some degree whereas I suffered from serious culture shock when I got here first.

I´m 30...roughly the same age as yourself. I suppose my biggest insecurity was the fact that my friends were all getting married and settling down and there I was galavanting off to a different country where I knew nobody and where nothing was guaranteed. I was going against the grain and giving the fingers to what society expected of me..and I didn´t feel brave enough to do that. What if it didn´t work out and I´d have to come home to...recession, no savings, no job and living with my parents. I was terrified of my pride getting a knock if I´m honest but that was down to the insecurities I felt at the time. If things went pear shaped right now, I´d still be proud that I gave it my best shot, which is more than a lot of people can say.

OP I´d say go for it. Forget what people expect from you or even what you expect from yourself...just give it a go and see how it goes. If you just take the peaks and troughs as you go along, you´ll be fine. Go over there with no expectations, go easy on yourself when things don´t go according to plan and enjoy yourself. See it as an adventure that you are constantly learning from and confidence will follow, believe me.

If you´ve any questions, feel free to PM me. Go for it OP!!

Eve_Dublin

Oh and here´s my thread...as you can see I was just as scared as you and look at me now!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055629524

prinz

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Were you apprehensive in advance? How did it work out in terms of meeting people etc.

tbh OP I think it's either something you have in or you don't. Yes someone can give you the kick you need to go but will you actually make the most of it or enjoy it?

For some people the thought of going abroad on your own, with no family, friends, perhaps not the language, etc is extremely daunting. I know a lot of my friends, mid 20's, have said they could never do it. Homesickness, insecurity of being abroad, no confidence in learning a new language/making new friends etc.

On the other hand that's the kind of person I am. I'd love to strike out for a new city, country, culture, language, new friends etc. Every free bit of time I've had since I was 18 I have done it, across Europe and the States. When most people spend their J1 or their year out with friends they already know etc, I wanted to go it alone. Not because I don't have great friends who I love, but just because I love starting over.

I think what I'm trying to say is anyone can give you the kick of confidence to go, but only you can keep giving the kicks to yourself to make the most of it. Do you really believe you can get over that apprehension as soon as you've landed somewhere else? If you can go for it, if you can't it's not impossible but it will hold you back IMO.

tbh

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

Think i need that extra kick of confidence to take it on though.
.

unfortunately, that's not the way life works - it sucks, but it's true.
The way it works is that you only get the confidence to do something after you've done it.
On the face of it, it's a stupid system, but actually it works pretty well.

Raekwon

Fair play to you Eve_Dublin! I wouldn't mind moving to somewhere like Prague or Bratislava but the language barrier, poor wages and most importantly the fear of the unknown is really holding me back. I might take the plunge because I really need a change of scene............I'll keep you posted

nicegirl

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

This is not a big problem.

i wouldn't mnind moving away to work to meet new people, expeience a new city etc.

Would involve moving by myself though as I have no one to go with.

Thinking of london as the most realistic option due to proximity and most likely place to get a job.

I am in my early 30s by the way.

Think i need that extra kick of confidence to take it on though.

Just wondering have many people done something similar in teh past? (i am sure lots have)

Were you apprehensive in advance? How did it work out in terms of meeting people etc.

Great thread! I know how you feel, I am exactly the same. I have wanted to emigrate for years, but am emigratting Ireland soon, and not coming back.

I am starting to make contacts in my country of choice, and plan to go into the embassy to talk about emigratting etc.

I am looking forward to leaving here, and starting a new life, but I will find it so hard leaving my friends and family, and am afraid when I get there I'll be really homesick, but I'm working on it at the moment!

I hope it goes well for you OP, and let us know how you get on

Good Luck

zxcvbnm1

nicegirl wrote: »

Great thread! I know how you feel, I am exactly the same. I have wanted to emigrate for years, but am emigratting Ireland soon, and not coming back.

I am starting to make contacts in my country of choice, and plan to go into the embassy to talk about emigratting etc.

I am looking forward to leaving here, and starting a new life, but I will find it so hard leaving my friends and family, and am afraid when I get there I'll be really homesick, but I'm working on it at the moment!

I hope it goes well for you OP, and let us know how you get on

Good Luck

Hey

More l;ike let us know how you get on? (Sorry meant to put 'you' in bold - csan't seem to undo it?)
I am only thinking of it - whereas it seems you are actually doing it !

What's your destination by the way ?
Do you know anyone there? Do you have a job lined up?