Emigrating but absolutely petrified!!

Eve_Dublin · 23-07-2009 11:11am #1

Hi Lads. Not sure what advice I need...I suppose I just need a bit of encouragement really. Maybe some words of wisdom and some tips to be braver? Excuse the length of this...

I'm moving to Spain in about 6 weeks time and this all seemed like a great plan but this morning I woke up and started panicking and I've still got that panicky feeling like I'm not doing the right thing. To put it simply...I'm absolutely petrified. I'm heading over to teach English in Madrid. I don't have a job yet so I'm taking a massive gamble heading over there. I've started sending out CVs but I've heard nothing back (haven't sent out all that many yet). People have told me the best thing to do is to keep on sending CVs but I probably won't get anything 'till I get over there and knock on the doors of schools and show my face. I've got the TEFL certificate but I don't have much experience. Did a bit of English teaching in South America but only for a few months and helped out kids with their homework on a voluntary basis here in Dublin back in my early twenties but that's it.

I suddenly get the feeling I'm making a big mistake but honestly, I don't really have a choice. I've only been working on a temp contract on a project over the Summer and that finishes up in the middle of next month. Besides from all that, I want to go and live there. It's a place I always saw myself living long-term and now is as good a time as any. I love the country, the people and the lifestyle and I think if I got myself set up there, I could be very happy.

But my confidence is waning. I've lived in various cities in the States, Europe and South America and travelled around South America on my own for a year. When I look back on all I've done, I feel like it's a different, more brave and ballsy person who's done all this and not me. Yep, I've done some brave stuff in my life but this time it's different. I don't really have anything here in Ireland to fall back on. I really HAVE to succeed at this move and if I don't, well, I don't really have a plan B. My degree is in an area I have no interest in and really, the idea of going back to a Masters doesn't appeal. I worked in an area for a few years to gain experience so I could go on to do a Masters, which I was supposed to do in 2008....but went travelling instead. NO regrets as I found the work boring beyond belief and I'm not a natural born student. Basically all my decent work experience is in an area I have no interest in either. All this pressure I'm putting on my self is stressing me out all of a sudden. I'm moving to a city where I know virtually nobody (except for a Spanish girl I knew years ago), no job yet, nowhere to live (but I have money saved) and I'm leaving behind a guy who could be the one. He's willing to make the move himself at some stage but not yet so we said we'd leave things for now and see what happens down the line. My friends and family are all telling me how brave I am but I just don't feel it. I feel like a bit of a fraud actually. All talk and I'm not sure if I can deliver the goods.

How can harness the bravery I had in the past again and have a bit more confidence in myself that I can do it? I don't want to blow this...this is my dream but I know if it doesn't happen, I'll probably give up on pursuing something like this again. People say I demand too much of myself and are too hard on myself when something goes wrong. I think I seem braver than I am and everything brave I've ever done in the past is like an outer-body experience in hindsight and I just can't reconcile myself with what I've achieved.

I'm not a perfectionist and i'm no high achiever..probably because I don't think I could handle the failure and the lack of confidence in myself but this is probably the bravest thing I've ever done and I don't know what I'd do if it didn't work out.

Really sorry for rambling and repeating myself...words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance...Eve

biko · 23-07-2009 11:19am

Don't worry, Ireland will still be here. I'd say it's just pre-flight jitters.
Maybe don't look at it as "moving away forever", more like "testing the waters"?

Btw - www.madridteacher.com Good site imo, if you're going to Madrid
Also look for expat discussion boards like this

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 23-07-2009 11:23am

First off, it's school holidays - that's why you're not gettting much responses... yet. Give it time.

Secondly, as Magnus pointed out, Ireland is only a few hours away.

Thirdly, once you get there you'll probably find a lot more oppertunities on the ground via word of mouth. In German, native English speakers are hired all the time to teach English to kids and as Nannies/AU Pairs for the same reason. Might not be the best idea long term, but worth considering short term.

Stop freeting, and enjoy your your last six weeks' in Ireland (for a while, anyway)!

IzzyWizzy · 23-07-2009 12:47pm

I was in the same situation earlier in the year. Moved to the continent, knew no-one, no job, nothing. It all worked out in the end. I had trouble meeting people at first, but I signed up to an evening class and made loads of friends through that. What have you got to lose? Worst case scenario - it doesn't work out you have to come home - it's only a Ryanair flight away! At least if you go over there, you'll know you gave it your best shot. It seems like the only thing holding you back is a guy, but that's still not so bad - you're not that far away and if things go well over there he can join you. You should definitely go!!

sunnyside · 23-07-2009 4:36pm

Your post reminds me a lot of that bestseller book by Elizabeth Gilbert "Eat, pray, love" except she went to Italy to learn Italian and India to do yoga. You might find some inspiration in it.

Spain is only a few hours on a plane, don't be afraid, if you don't like it you can come back here.

DenMan · 23-07-2009 4:42pm

Hi Eve

You don't need to be scared. I went off to Malta a few years ago with no job to go to, and on my own. When I arrived within a week I was working for a film company. The money wasn't great but I loved every minute of it. English is a very bad third lanuage over there (behind Maltese and Italian) and I ended up staying out there for a year and if I wasn't back in full time education now I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Just be yourself and you'll do great. Like the other posters said think of it as testing the waters and Ireland is just a flight back if ever you need it.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser · 23-07-2009 7:50pm

There is alot more to the world than ireland , get out into the world ,jump in pi** your pants and swim

LegacyUser · 23-07-2009 9:37pm

It's always the places I'm most nervous about that I end up having the best time. It's good that you have the jitters, it's like the opposite scale of emmotion to what many of us here in Ireland are feeling - bored and lost! Good on you - you're making me want to jump ship and go again too!

willy wonka · 24-07-2009 12:59am

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

People say I demand too much of myself and are too hard on myself when something goes wrong.

I think this is the problem. You are putting way too much presure on yourself to make the perfect life in Spain. All you can do is do your best. As others have said, see it as 'testing the waters'. You will be OK. If you can spend a year travelling on your own in S. America, you can do ANYTHING! You are obviously indpendent and resourceful.

I am kind of in a similar situation - thinking of going to New Zealand on my own in January and the thought terrifies me as I know nobody there and plus it is SO far away from home. Eventhough I have travelled on my own before I think when you get older you get that little less brave? Maybe OP you are that bit older and feeling this way?

But I really wouldnt worry as you sound like you will be well able for whatever Spain throws at you. Just see at as a workimg holiday to begin with and see how things turn out, that way it takes some pressure off. Good luck.

Eve_Dublin · 24-07-2009 10:43am

willy wonka wrote: »

I think this is the problem. You are putting way too much presure on yourself to make the perfect life in Spain. All you can do is do your best. As others have said, see it as 'testing the waters'. You will be OK. If you can spend a year travelling on your own in S. America, you can do ANYTHING! You are obviously indpendent and resourceful.

I am kind of in a similar situation - thinking of going to New Zealand on my own in January and the thought terrifies me as I know nobody there and plus it is SO far away from home. Eventhough I have travelled on my own before I think when you get older you get that little less brave? Maybe OP you are that bit older and feeling this way?

But I really wouldnt worry as you sound like you will be well able for whatever Spain throws at you. Just see at as a workimg holiday to begin with and see how things turn out, that way it takes some pressure off. Good luck.

Thanks for everyone's comments, suggestions and encouragement. I genuinely am very grateful...you made me feel a lot better, particularly reading the success stories of others. Thanks lads!

It's funny isn't it? I thought it was just me who felt this way...that you kind of loose the ballsy, don't give a damn attitude you had when you were young. I suppose it comes down to not being able to get away with acting the eejit as much and I suppose at my age (29), you're supposed to have your life somewhat on track and can I really afford to f*ck up at this stage in my life like I could (and did) when I was in my early twenties. I think more people ARE judging you at this age (or at least in my head they are) and wondering why you're galavanting off to Spain on a wing and prayer instead of settling down. I only got back from travelling a few months ago..I didn't feel my age the whole time I was away but the minute I arrived in Dublin airport, I felt 28 again and all the pressures society puts on a person of that age (once again, a lot of this is in my head). Maybe the minute I leave this country and my peers, I'll have that bravery again instead of the restrictions I feel back here on my own turf to conform to social "norms". Who knows...

Tabnabs · 24-07-2009 10:54am

OP, a friend of mine did the exact same thing as you are doing. There is a vibrant young Irish community in Madrid. The best way to tap into this is to get hooked up with the Madrid Harps. We went out drinking with a load of them last time we went over to visit and they are a great bunch, plenty of hangers-on also who don't play but go along to the matches for the craic. Madrid is a fabulous city.The only thing is that this is the most unpleasant time to visit as the heat is stifling. This time next year, you'll be back home visiting to escape the heat of Madrid!

Eve_Dublin · 24-07-2009 11:00am

Dyflin wrote: »

OP, a friend of mine did the exact same thing as you are doing. There is a vibrant young Irish community in Madrid. The best way to tap into this is to get hooked up with the Madrid Harps. We went out drinking with a load of them last time we went over to visit and they are a great bunch, plenty of hangers-on who don't play but go along to the matches for the craic. Madrid is a fabulous city.The only thing is that this is the most unpleasant time to visit as the heat is stifling. This time next year, you'll be back home visiting to escape the heat of Madrid!

Brilliant!! Thanks so much. You're actually getting me excited again now! Yay! Yeah...I've heard the heat is unbearable in the Summer..not sure my Irish skin could handle it...yikes! Ah sure, I'll give it a go and if it's too much, maybe I'll move on somewhere else. But thanks for this...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 24-07-2009 11:04am

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's comments, suggestions and encouragement. I genuinely am very grateful...you made me feel a lot better, particularly reading the success stories of others. Thanks lads!

It's funny isn't it? I thought it was just me who felt this way...that you kind of loose the ballsy, don't give a damn attitude you had when you were young. I suppose it comes down to not being able to get away with acting the eejit as much and I suppose at my age (29), you're supposed to have your life somewhat on track and can I really afford to f*ck up at this stage in my life like I could (and did) when I was in my early twenties. I think more people ARE judging you at this age (or at least in my head they are) and wondering why you're galavanting off to Spain on a wing and prayer instead of settling down. I only got back from travelling a few months ago..I didn't feel my age the whole time I was away but the minute I arrived in Dublin airport, I felt 28 again and all the pressures society puts on a person of that age (once again, a lot of this is in my head). Maybe the minute I leave this country and my peers, I'll have that bravery again instead of the restrictions I feel back here on my own turf to conform to social "norms". Who knows...

Ah, the age thing is all on your head - I moved to Berlin two years ago when I was 36. People can judge me all they want!

Another good website for hooking up with people and finding out what's going on is couchsurfing (you don't need to host or surf). The Madrid group is here:
http://www.couchsurfing.org/group.html?gid=494

Eve_Dublin · 24-07-2009 11:17am

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Ah, the age thing is all on your head - I moved to Berlin two years ago when I was 36. People can judge me all they want!

Another good website for hooking up with people and finding out what's going on is couchsurfing (you don't need to host or surf). The Madrid group is here:
http://www.couchsurfing.org/group.html?gid=494

I know! It IS all in my head!! Stupid!! I suppose it's tricky when all of your friends are starting to get married and have kids...it seemed to happen all of a sudden...27/28...BAM!! Lets breed! Scary...

Yep, I've been a long standing member of CS for quite a while now...did a bit in South America. It's absolutely brilliant and that's how I plan to meet the locals.

LegacyUser · 24-07-2009 12:46pm

Just wanted to say I have lived in Madrid for many years and love it here. I taught English when I first came here and absolutely loved that to.

It’s normal schools may not take you seriously if you can’t give them a Madrid address because there is very little guarantee you will actually get over here in the end. Once you have an address in Madrid and can get in for an interview at a moment’s notice I think you will find it much easier.

Madrid is a marvellous, friendly, lively city to live and not THAT expensive. Fantastic surrounding areas – everything very well communicated.

Downsides: the heat in July and August (although spending evenings on terrazas makes up for that) and pickpockets. You are very safe in Madrid but your money isn’t – the pickpockets here are real artists so just make sure your money is in a really safe place.

Enjoy!

castle · 24-07-2009 2:47pm

Best of luck just do it no big deal people do it all the time.
Just wondering are you on the dole here ? if so you can continue do draw the Irish dole when you are in Spain as long as you are looking for work in Spain,this you will get for over 60 days not sure the exact amount of days.

Eve_Dublin · 24-07-2009 3:19pm

Unregistered wrote: »

Just wanted to say I have lived in Madrid for many years and love it here. I taught English when I first came here and absolutely loved that to.

It’s normal schools may not take you seriously if you can’t give them a Madrid address because there is very little guarantee you will actually get over here in the end. Once you have an address in Madrid and can get in for an interview at a moment’s notice I think you will find it much easier.

Madrid is a marvellous, friendly, lively city to live and not THAT expensive. Fantastic surrounding areas – everything very well communicated.

Downsides: the heat in July and August (although spending evenings on terrazas makes up for that) and pickpockets. You are very safe in Madrid but your money isn’t – the pickpockets here are real artists so just make sure your money is in a really safe place.

Enjoy!

Great advice, thanks.

I'll try and find a place to live the first day I get there. I'll probably stay in a hostel for the first few days.

11 months in Latin America...wore a bum-bag down my trousers morning, noon and night (drove the men WILD with lust!) and was never pick-pocketed!! The heat is another thing...

Eve_Dublin · 24-07-2009 3:22pm

castle wrote: »

Best of luck just do it no big deal people do it all the time.
Just wondering are you on the dole here ? if so you can continue do draw the Irish dole when you are in Spain as long as you are looking for work in Spain,this you will get for over 60 days not sure the exact amount of days.

No, I'm working, thank God but could I apply for it once I get there? Jaysus, if the application forms are anything like they are here, I can't imagine what they'd be in Spanish. Probably not worth my while.

CamillaRhodes · 24-07-2009 6:53pm

Hey Eve, I just wanted to jump in and thank you for writing your post, cos our situations are so similar, it really resonated with me!!! Actually there are a few key differences, I'm moving to Greece with a job lined up, but I'm packing in a very good job where I live now (not Ireland) and taking a huge salary cut (90%). I'm also 29 and traveled loads when I was younger, without the trepidation I'm feeling now. I've also built this Greece move up in my head to be a 'make or break' situation for me.

I guess it's partly cos, when I first thought of the move, I assumed all my friends, family etc would tell me I was mad to pack in the job (which I hate but, as I say, is well-paid and secure) and they would talk me out of it. But in fact it was the opposite, everyone was really encouraging of me, telling me they would love to do what I'm doing, that life is for living etc. So now I feel like, if Greece doesn't work out, everyone is going to be so disappointed in me, I'll feel like a failure

I never used to feel this way, never really gave a toss about what people thought (and I know there were times when I was younger that my parents wished I'd be a bit more serious, get a proper job, etc.) I also keep measuring my 'successes' against those of my peers, i.e. I have friends who have gotten married, had kids, bought houses, have successful careers, loads of money etc. I have a bunch of really great memories, but not much else. So I have this feeling that I have to succeed at this Greece move.

But as everyone above has said, and as I keep trying to convince myself, this is not the be all and end all. Worst case scenario, the job sucks, I'm unhappy - I can always leave! And I really needed the kick up the backside to get out of my current job, which I've been really unhappy in for a long time, but got kinda trapped cos of the nice salary. So really, no matter what happens, having a shot at this is worth it.

I also keep reminding myself, I (we!) are only 29! I assume from your post that you don't have commitments like children - I don't either. Now is the time when we can make this brave moves - give it another 10 years and I hope to have kids by then, so there'll be no hippy-ish jobs in the Greek islands to go chasing after.

Life is for living now. I keep telling myself this, and you should keep telling yourself it too

And thanks again for sharing your fears, it's made me feel much better to know someone is going through similar feelings
x

DenMan · 24-07-2009 7:07pm

Hi Camilla

You sound really happy and looking forward to working in Greece. Have a great time.

willy wonka · 24-07-2009 10:15pm

I can't believe you are freaking at your age - 29!! You're still so young. You are still in your 20s. Odds are you will probably live till your 80s so you are only a child in the grand scheme of things.

I am 34 and still a bit of a drifter but that doesnt bother me. In fact having my whole life planned out or doing the same thing for the rest of my life would kill me. I don't allow society to judge me and try not to fall into this trap OP. MAybe all your friends are having babies and settling down but not all 29 year olds are. In fact a lot of my 30 something girlfriends are single and have no ties.

Just do your OWN thing, forget about society's imposed landmarks and having to have done it all by a certain age.

Eve_Dublin · 25-07-2009 12:55pm

willy wonka wrote: »

I can't believe you are freaking at your age - 29!! You're still so young. You are still in your 20s. Odds are you will probably live till your 80s so you are only a child in the grand scheme of things.

I am 34 and still a bit of a drifter but that doesnt bother me. In fact having my whole life planned out or doing the same thing for the rest of my life would kill me. I don't allow society to judge me and try not to fall into this trap OP. MAybe all your friends are having babies and settling down but not all 29 year olds are. In fact a lot of my 30 something girlfriends are single and have no ties.

Just do your OWN thing, forget about society's imposed landmarks and having to have done it all by a certain age.

Are you referring to me or Camilla? Or both? In my case, I'm not really freaking out because of my age so much as I'm just freaking out generally. Nervous that this is a bit of a dream come true for me and if it doesn't go to plan, I'd be very disheartened with life generally. It comes down to expecting too much from myself, really. I've always had that problem.

But I will admit that I feel extra pressure because of my age. I understand 29 is still young but I dunno, I'll be honest, I feel when I'm here in Ireland (I haven't lived here long term for over 5 years..moved away for final year of college and never came home)and all my friends are settling down, getting married, having kids...it's completely illogical but I feel like I'm making a huge statement by saying, "Feck all this settling down malarky...I'm going to Spain with nowhere to live when I get there or even a job" and if it doesn't work out and I have to come home (and will probably have to live with my parents again due to lack of job and money), I'm going to feel like crap. I'm very, very lucky that I've very cool, open-minded female friends...most of them have vocational careers that they love, are clever, have met brilliant men instead of the first one that came along, are not in any major rush to have kids, have travelled and want to travel more, have lived abroad and are all round cool chicks...but they're still settling down now and I don't want them to pity me if this doesn't go to plan (I know, I'm mad...it's ALL in my head!!)

I'd be happy enough if it all didn't work out if they were too. It's stupid to care what other people think...but I do

But you're right Willy! If I'm happy with who, what, where I am, then I shouldn't care. There's something about Ireland that triggers this in me but once I'm on that plane, I'm sure I'll be grand as I'm sure you will too, Camilla!

LegacyUser · 25-07-2009 5:46pm

I'm a girl who's travelled alot as well. Some points:

29 is actually a great age to travel, I wish I'd packed up and left (again) at that age.
You'll be over the nerves by day 2.
Loads of people have worked really hard for financial stability and seen it all destroyed recently. You're as well off travelling.

I've never regretted any of my trips - except one - when I left a very significant bf behind. Of course I went alot further than madrid and we did get back together years later but it damaged us alot and meant I didn't enjoy myself. In fact, I knew it was a bad move before I left but went anyway, because I'd told everyone I would go and didn't want to 'loose face'. That was really silly of me. Remember that what goes on in your life only matters to anyone else for about 20 seconds so don't worry about changing your mind about your trip if thats what you need to do.
I'm sure you know yourself where you stand with your bf and what you want, I just thought I'd add that, cause everyone else is so 'just go'.

And one more thing:
Teaching English as a career can be a bit of a trap. It pays just enough to get by (usually) and is not terribly rewarding. Forget about your degree and maybe think what you'd really like to do. It doesn't have to be something academic. Chef? Makeup artist? It is nice to do something you love and it doesn't have to mean a masters.

Good luck.

Síle28 · 25-07-2009 8:56pm

To the above unreg poster - teaching English doesn't pay very well usually but as someone currently doing it and who has done it for 6 years in 5 different countries I find it incredibly rewarding, some people just weren't meant to teach and those are the ones who don't find it a rewarding career!

Loula · 26-07-2009 2:18pm

Hey Op-greetings from Barce!! I lived here 3 yrs ago and I came back again in June, hoping to do TEFl from September but I'm actually in two minds at the moment as I have a masters waiting for me in Dublin. Re:teaching take a look at http://madridteacher.com/vaughan.htm
a friend of mine is looking into working with them from September.

Anyway, don't be too apprehensive about moving here, its not even that far away honestly-you can be home in a coupe of hours, I've been home a couple of times with work so far. The life style in Spain is great, and Madrid an amazing centre of things.

Good luck with the adventure!!!

woolyhat · 26-07-2009 9:19pm

Magnus Your reply got me laughing and I had not been in the best of form. Thanks:D
And to the original post. You will do fine, I have a good feeling you will be very happy . Good Luck:)

Eve_Dublin · 26-07-2009 9:37pm

woolyhat wrote: »

Magnus Your reply got me laughing and I had not been in the best of form. Thanks:D
And to the original post. You will do fine, I have a good feeling you will be very happy . Good Luck:)

Yeah...Ireland will still be here (although I've heard Dublin and Cork will be submerged under water in the next 30 years...yeeowzer). Ah I know I'll be fine...I'm letting my mind and imagination get the better of me....things are never as scary in reality, are they? Thanks for the encouraging words though!

redout · 27-07-2009 6:39pm

Check out http://www.in-madrid.com . There is usually a weekly print version issued free around the city and is full of jobs for persons teaching English. I'll just say to you that Spain has a 20% unemployment rate at the moment so things could be a bit slow.

EDIT: Just to add that if you have not made any concrete plans then I would strongly suggest considering Barcelona instead of Madrid. This coming from someone who has lived in Madrid for the past several years. The two cities are world's apart in my opinion.

LegacyUser · 27-07-2009 9:59pm

Síle28 wrote: »

To the above unreg poster - teaching English doesn't pay very well usually but as someone currently doing it and who has done it for 6 years in 5 different countries I find it incredibly rewarding, some people just weren't meant to teach and those are the ones who don't find it a rewarding career!

Hi, I'm the same unreg. I'm glad to hear you feel so rewarded.
I also thought english for six year in 3 different countries. My best friend taught it for 11 yrs. And another friend must be in her 15th year teaching now.
I have nothing against teaching. Personally I would get more out of teaching something I'm passionate about than I would out of TEFL.... I made that comment because alot of my TEFL friends (mostly mid to late 30s) seem to wish they'd moved on sooner. None of them planned to be career TEFL teachers but it turned from being a stop gap (while they travelled, wrote their screen play, tried to work out what they wanted to do) into what they do i.e half way through their working life and still teaching TEFL... transferable skills? well yeah... sort of. That doesn't mean they don't like teaching, just not TEFL. We would all agree (now) that jus cause you're travelling you shouldn't live on the periphery.

mimich · 06-08-2009 12:27pm

I am doing the same move as you Eve in 6 weeks time too!!! I'm going to spain (Granada) but for a definite time (10 to 12 months) as I'll follow my girlfriend there.

I'm leaving my job here (I actually ask for unpaid leave... still waiting for the answer!).
I just want to tell you that when I moved here to Ireland (from France) 4 years ago, I didn't think I would still be here today. And guess what? That's the best thing I did in my life.

I still don't know what I will do there, teaching french? music maybe? but I don't make a big deal of it. I'm sure I will find something to entertained myself :rolleyes: . my big problem is my spanish actually...

Eve_Dublin · 06-08-2009 12:50pm

mimich wrote: »

I am doing the same move as you Eve in 6 weeks time too!!! I'm going to spain (Granada) but for a definite time (10 to 12 months) as I'll follow my girlfriend there.

I'm leaving my job here (I actually ask for unpaid leave... still waiting for the answer!).
I just want to tell you that when I moved here to Ireland (from France) 4 years ago, I didn't think I would still be here today. And guess what? That's the best thing I did in my life.

I still don't know what I will do there, teaching french? music maybe? but I don't make a big deal of it. I'm sure I will find something to entertained myself :rolleyes: . my big problem is my spanish actually...

I've heard Granada is amazing...if things don't work out in Madrid, I'm heading there so I might see you there!

Do you mind me asking if you already have a job there? You'ev obviously got a place to live with your girlfriend. Like yourself, I'm not too picky job-wise although I'll need to get enough to pay bills etc. I've always been broke so enough for food, rent, bills and an auld cerveza after work will do me for the time being. My Spanish is passable but it's Argentinian Castellano and very different to what they speak in Madrid. I'm finding it very difficult to take the "lisp" they use there seriously...haha!

I'm sure you'll have no problem picking up Spanish with your latin base so don't worry about it. Have a great time. I'm excited now...looking forward to the sense of freedom again.

Emigrating but absolutely petrified!!

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