Warped perceptions and nasty judgements.

almostnever

So, the other day in school, one of my best friends told me something that horrified me. A girl in my year, one who isn't particularly well liked, was flirting with someone's boyfriend or something (standard kind of thing) and the other girls started talking about her and how "fat" she is. Just for a bit of perspective, the girl in question is a size 8, has a washboard stomach and plays a lot of sports.

My friend, who was there when they were saying all this stuff about how "obese" the girl is, and how "nasty" her legs are, stood up for the girl. And she pointed out that as she's a size 14,if this girl is "fat", she must be massive. Naturally, the other girls were quick to reassure her that she wasn't. But it raised an interesting question for both of us. Are people looking at us and thinking we're fat, but would never say it? You know when you hear a friend saying "awh, her tan is desperate" or "her teeth are so fecked up" and you know that it's something you're self conscious about, but they tell you that you're not like that at all, your teeth are fine or whatever. I'm explaining this so badly. So, is it paranoia to is there truth to it? Do people secretly judge others to this extent, with their frankly warped perceptions?

I mean, really. If a girl who is a size 8 is fat, then what about the rest of us!? And to be honest, it annoys me when these specific girls complain about how much pressure are on them to be skinny. I don't think I'd ever felt so down about my weight until I heard that they'd said that, never mind the media pressure and boys, etc.

So basically, I think my question is, how do people really see each other? And are they only hyper-critical of those they dislike, or secretly, everyone?

Xiney

Some people say that girls who are overly critical of others in this way are doing it because they are insecure and want to draw attention away from themselves.

Chances are though, they're just mean people. Hanging out with people like this isn't good for your self esteem, and yeah, they are talking about you behind your back (they talk about EVERYONE behind their backs).

jellie

almostnever wrote: »

So, the other day in school, one of my best friends told me something that horrified me. A girl in my year, one who isn't particularly well liked, was flirting with someone's boyfriend or something (standard kind of thing) and the other girls started talking about her and how "fat" she is. Just for a bit of perspective, the girl in question is a size 8, has a washboard stomach and plays a lot of sports.

My friend, who was there when they were saying all this stuff about how "obese" the girl is, and how "nasty" her legs are, stood up for the girl. And she pointed out that as she's a size 14,if this girl is "fat", she must be massive. Naturally, the other girls were quick to reassure her that she wasn't. But it raised an interesting question for both of us. Are people looking at us and thinking we're fat, but would never say it? You know when you hear a friend saying "awh, her tan is desperate" or "her teeth are so fecked up" and you know that it's something you're self conscious about, but they tell you that you're not like that at all, your teeth are fine or whatever. I'm explaining this so badly. So, is it paranoia to is there truth to it? Do people secretly judge others to this extent, with their frankly warped perceptions?

I mean, really. If a girl who is a size 8 is fat, then what about the rest of us!? And to be honest, it annoys me when these specific girls complain about how much pressure are on them to be skinny. I don't think I'd ever felt so down about my weight until I heard that they'd said that, never mind the media pressure and boys, etc.

So basically, I think my question is, how do people really see each other? And are they only hyper-critical of those they dislike, or secretly, everyone?

Chances are they were only saying it because they were jealous of her lovely figure. If someone is a size 8 there is no way in hell shes fat and they were just being nasty - its not even that its a nasty judgement its just plain nasty.

Unfortunately therell probably always be girls like this who will rip into anyone who they dont deem "cool". it does get better after school (imo anyway!) but therell always be girls around like that, just dont let them get to you.

fits

Dont engage in criticism of other peoples' appearance. Its nasty and it brings us all down. I generally ignore or leave the conversation if stuff like this comes up. No time for it at all.

ztoical

almostnever wrote: »

So basically, I think my question is, how do people really see each other? And are they only hyper-critical of those they dislike, or secretly, everyone?

I really don't that's a question you can answer or really care about knowing the answer to as you'll just drive yourself a bit mad. Our views of people are very much tainted by what we know about them and our connection to them. No parent ever thinks they child is the ugly one now do they but plenty of parents are quick to pass comments about the other kids on the playground. Take your example above these girls opinions are very clearly coloured by their opinions of this girl as a person and not her actual appearance. We've all done it, had a failing out with a friend or broken up with a boyfriend and your so enraged by the situation you refuse to accept any positive comments or even thoughts about this person. I've seen friends fall out with someone who the day before they were saying was so much fun to go out dancing with but now is self centered and hogged the lime light and drank why too much blah etc and so on.

The girls weight and appearance had nothing to do with what the girls were saying, they were being bitches to be frank and fair juice to your friend for calling them on it as it can be very hard to go against crowd mentality like that.

Novella

I think it's just easier to be critical of someone you don't like. As well as that, you see this kind of thing a lot with younger girls, oh, and people who basically have no idea how to deal with their emotions. I think it's called projection. Someone does something that annoys a person, like the girl you mentioned flirting with another girls bf, and instead of the person saying what the problem really is, they express anger in a different form - "Oh, that girl is so fat and ugly" etc.

I think it's probably linked to insecurity and fear. In this instance, what if my boyfriend likes that girl better, I don't want him to think I'm jealous so I'll bitch with my friends and so on.

I guess you just see it more in girls because guys are more likely to bottle up their emotions, or to express them physically. Is that a sweeping generalisation? Probably, but imo it's true.

Little Acorn

Novella wrote: »

I think it's just easier to be critical of someone you don't like. As well as that, you see this kind of thing a lot with younger girls, oh, and people who basically have no idea how to deal with their emotions. I think it's called projection. Someone does something that annoys a person, like the girl you mentioned flirting with another girls bf, and instead of the person saying what the problem really is, they express anger in a different form - "Oh, that girl is so fat and ugly" etc.

I think it's probably linked to insecurity and fear. In this instance, what if my boyfriend likes that girl better, I don't want him to think I'm jealous so I'll bitch with my friends and so on.

I guess you just see it more in girls because guys are more likely to bottle up their emotions, or to express them physically. Is that a sweeping generalisation? Probably, but imo it's true.

I thinks this is spot on.
Obviously,they can see that the size 8 girl is in no way fat.
Went to an all girls secondary school, and saw this all the time.
A girl might have one week been described as quite pretty, then news gets out that she was with somebody one of girls "fancied" at the weekend.
Cue a gathering in the bathroom of group of girls, with comments like "I don't even see anything pretty about her, she has a strange shaped mouth", another girl would pipe in "Yeah, and she's got weird squinty eyes, why would he even want to be with HER?", to which another might pipe something like "maybe because she's an easy ride or something?", answered by "Yeah probably-the fckin ugly slapper"

That would be the general gist, so the girl who was pretty and described as sound one week, could be getting described as dog ugly and "slutty" the next week.:rolleyes:

Now of course the girl in question wouldn't have changed at all, just the attitudes of other girls towards her.
I think it's almost like a pack mentality thing, where the girl who has been wronged in some way (real or imagined), will have her friends rally around her, and their nasty comments are almost like their way of showing support and reassuring their friend that "of course you're prettier than her!"

I think Novella is right in that it probably usually starts with some type of insecurity about a situation, that then can sometimes expose a lot of underlying jealousies that may be present in some members of a group of friends.

princess-lala

I find Ill have an opinion on someone I dont like quicker than someone I do like,I Do pass remarks on alot of people though.

Id never call anyone "fat" though, even if they were! Its just one of my pet hates, theres alot of other names you could call someone!

We are a society though who think the whole size zero thing is acceptable even if we say its not! Like realistically anyone over a size ten is by no means big never mind fat!

karen86

Insecure females can be quite vicious. Was surprised to see how things don't change after school ends, and entering the workforce. I try to avoid drama by all means.

miss5

Girls will always be critical of each other and can be insanely cruel in the process.
Given that she is a size 8 and they are calling fat shows that they are obviously
jealous.

mcdermla

Jealous, jealous, jealous! That's what I don't miss about being a teenage girl; at the time it hurts and makes you self-conscious, but as you get older you realise other girls are just insecure. I however got the opposite treatment and got slagged for being tall and skinny. I used to resent the way I was built but over the years I've noticed it was the short and stumpy girls who teased me (no offence to anyone out there of a similar build, just trying to make a point!) Teenage girls know what it's like to get used to new bodies and exploit the insecurities other girls have about their developing bodies. It's a low blow, but thankfully it is something they grow out of.