Slapped by my GF's friend - what to do next?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

This might sound really weird, but I consider myself equal parts a total gentleman and obnoxious fecker. I try to exceptionally polite, chivalrous and courteous, but I will also make a joke about absolutely anything, and I can make a double entendre out of the most simple of statements. Most of the time, this will result in people laughing their asses off and shaking their heads in dismay. Sometimes I get different reactions...

Saturday night saw me out with the GF for her friend's birthday. Let's call the friend Sandra. Sandra doesn't have a huge number of friends, so there was just four of us - myself and the GF, Sandra, and her female friend. We had dinner and a drink afterwards. No one had much drink on them - I had consumed two whiskeys, a beer and a Mojito over quite a few hours. Anyway, it was a perfectly pleasant night, but things got weird at the very end. Sandra's friend had already departed, and my GF and I were bidding Sandra goodnight. I went to give her a hug, and my GF joined in, so we had a group hug. Me being me, I came out with "I consider that prep-work!".

*SMACK*

Now, I reckon Sandra would weigh no more than 125 lbs soaking wet. The shot didn't even make me flinch - there was virtually no pain. I actually just laughed and we went on our way. My GF didn't react either. we briefly talked about it when we got back to hers, and that was that.

I didn't think about it too much until this morning. I really am not sure what I should do next. Do I let it go? Do I warn her that raising a hand to a bigger guy is incredibly stupid, as someone could really hurt her for it? Do I get mad at my GF for not saying a word? Do I take this as a lesson not to be saying things like that to my GF's friends? Or something else - a combination of the above maybe?

Your opinions are very welcome and all feedback is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Katgurl

It's not your place to be warning sandra about life, she's not a child. You could warn her not to slap YOU again if you're offended.

Get mad at your girlfriend perhaps if you ARE mad. You do t sound mad however so I don't see any point getting mad in principle.

I would take it as a lesson to not say things like that to sandra again and take rest of her friends on case by case basis, perhaps tread a little more carefully.

On an aside and slightly catty note, not really surprising that sandra has few friends she sounds barrel of laughs.

smileyscientist

Ya i agree. I wouldnt say anything and let it pass. Like the previous poster said you didnt think too much of it at the time so it would be a bit strange to go bringing it up now a few days later I would think.

Some people just have no sense of humour im afraid and tbh even if she didnt find the remark funny at all she could have either ignored it or pulled you up on it but slapping some one is a step too far I think in this case.

Woudnt waste anymore time thinking about it but Id try and avoid being in her company again OP, she sounds like a bit of a nut. Just my opinion!

Neyite

i think that you might have found out why 'sandra' has few friends.

she sounds like one of those daft twits that think you can belt a bloke, if you are a girl, but would scream abuse if a lad dared swat her back.

no point in saying anything about it after the fact, except to decline the next invite out with her, and if you have to, say that she was out of order the last time by hitting you and you have no interest in hanging out with someone who uses physical violence.

some day she will hit the wrong man who will wallop her back, and it might make her think twice about lifting her hand to anyone.

sexdwarf

I think that's outrageous. If a friend of mine hit my BF in the face, in jest or not, I'd have serious words. It's just not on...

ManOfMystery

I presume this was a full-on angry slap?

As opposed to her playfully replying to your witty remark by giving you a small slap in return, as in "oh you cheeky boy....!"

If that's the case, it was totally out of order. What you said was very obviously a joke and I fail to see how anyone could take it any other way. I would make a point of bringing it up again with your girlfriend and find out why she seems to think it was ok for her friend to slap you, and I'd also have a word with the friend and tell her she needs to learn a few things about social etiquette.

Floppybits

I am surprised at the reactions here of let it lie, dont say anything. Lets say the roles were reversed and it was the OP that slapped Sandra, what would the reaction be then? Would it be to Sandra, dont say anything unless you are mad or would it be report him to the police thats assault?

OP, this was assault whether she hurt you or not and think Sandra needs to apologise, I also think your GF should have done more. Maybe you are laid back sort of bloke and maybe your GF hasn't realised you took offence but If it was me I would be telling my girlfriend in no uncertain terms that it is not acceptable for any of her mates to slap you, if you say something and someone takes offence then they need to say that and give you a chance to apologise, they should not slap you. Simple as that because I can assure you that if you did the slapping the reaction would not be the same.

Monkey61

Sandra does sound a bit humourless alright, but some people just really don't like stuff like that. And if you frequently make double entendres etc, maybe she is just sick to death of them. To be honest after the first one or two, that kind of thing is generally just really, really boring.

Obviously she had no right to hit you, but maybe let it be a lesson to you to watch what you say around people. It was the girl's birthday, you're bidding her good evening after dinner and you make what could be taken as a highly irritating comment, depending on the relationship between you guys. She overreacted...but just let it go.

Floppybits

Monkey61 wrote: »

Sandra does sound a bit humourless alright, but some people just really don't like stuff like that. And if you frequently make double entendres etc, maybe she is just sick to death of them. To be honest after the first one or two, that kind of thing is generally just really, really boring.

Obviously she had no right to hit you, but maybe let it be a lesson to you to watch what you say around people. It was the girl's birthday, you're bidding her good evening after dinner and you make what could be taken as a highly irritating comment, depending on the relationship between you guys. She overreacted...but just let it go.

If the roles were reversed and it was a man that did would you still say just let it go?

Monkey61

Floppybits wrote: »

If the roles were reversed and it was a man that did would you still say just let it go?

I would actually yes, in exactly the same situation.

kayos

Floppybits wrote: »

I am surprised at the reactions here of let it lie, dont say anything. Lets say the roles were reversed and it was the OP that slapped Sandra, what would the reaction be then? Would it be to Sandra, dont say anything unless you are mad or would it be report him to the police thats assault?

Welcome to the PI/RI boards.

Man shows any sign of thinking about maybe playfully slapping a woman. Its report him has a monster to the cops and get the hell out of there.

Woman hits man. Man was in the wrong, he did something to deserve it or she didnt mean it.

Seen it many times and said it many times.

Beruthiel

Smacked_Head wrote: »

Your opinions are very welcome and all feedback is greatly appreciated.

My opinion is that Sandra needs to get over her sensitive little self.
She could have come back with anything - in your dreams buddy - when hell freezes over - not if you were the last man on earth - between you and a banana, I choose the banana.
Seriously, a slap?
I'd have told her she was so out of order. Why didn't you?

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

I would take it as a lesson to not say things like that to sandra again.

WOW.

Take it as a lesson? Would you say that to a girl hit by a man?

LegacyUser

I think your girlfriend hasn't said anything because she's stuck in the middle. You insulted her friend, and she slapped you back. It's up to you and the friend to sort it out. The friend shouldn't be slapping anyone, but you shouldn't be insulting your girlfriend's friends either. You're no better than she is. If you don't like getting slapped, just learn to keep your gob shut in future

ManOfMystery

unregistered wrote: »

I think your girlfriend hasn't said anything because she's stuck in the middle. You insulted her friend, and she slapped you back. It's up to you and the friend to sort it out. The friend shouldn't be slapping anyone, but you shouldn't be insulting your girlfriend's friends either. You're no better than she is. If you don't like getting slapped, just learn to keep your gob shut in future

Insulted? LOL. If that's an 'insult', I'd hate to hear what would happen if he had called her a rude name.

And by your logic, he's also insulted his girlfriend too then?

TempleogueHead

That sounds like a really strange awkward situation!! How close is your Girlfriend to this other girl? Because I think she shouldnt just let it slide..

Katgurl

OOOOOOOO wrote: »

WOW.

Take it as a lesson? Would you say that to a girl hit by a man?

i think you're missing my point. So to clarify, 'Sandra' is clearly a [EMAIL="tw@t"]tw@t[/EMAIL] & hopefully is in no way representative of the rest of the OP's girlfriend's friends. (Hopefully anyway, therefore take bit of time getting ot knnow them to confirm.) The woman has no sense of humour & her reaction was completely OTT and highly inappropriate. But do i think its worth the OP getting caught up in? - no actually as he's not involved in a friendship with Sandra himself and the slap itself caused him no pain whatsoever. So I think he should leave her at it

Yeah he does have a right take it up with the girlfriend if he genuinely feels put out. I would. But if he's not put out & its only in principle I wouldn't bother - pick your battles & all that.

I'm not even getting into the "if it was a guy hitting a girl" debate. It wasn't so its irrelevant.

Cheap Thrills!

What a cheeky, psycho b!tch.

You were mad to let her away with it. You should have read her the riot act.

Total double standards. What is one of your friends had hit your GF ? Would that be ok and allowed to pass, I don't think so.

Women like Sandra give the rest of us a bad name. Your GF saying nothing wouldn't have me too impressed either.

In your shoes I would expect your GF to cut this crazy b!tch dead. I mean completely.

I wouldn't be suprised if the next time Sandra chooses to do this she gets knocked out.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Insulted? LOL. If that's an 'insult', I'd hate to hear what would happen if he had called her a rude name.

And by your logic, he's also insulted his girlfriend too then?

Well she must've felt insulted, otherwise why slap him? I don't agree with the way she dealt with it, but it wasn't wrong for her to feel insulted by what he said

Maguined

I wouldn't be angry with your girlfriend, if you laughed it off then she would assume you are completely fine with it and maybe it was not as strong a slap as it could have looked to her.

Sit your girlfriend down and explain to her that you don't think that sort of behaviour is on and don't want it going forward, see how she feels about the situation before you both decide if/how you approach this friend over the issue.

Wagon

Let it go. I've had to suck it up for my girlfriends friends too. One time i went out to meet them and her friend basically told me "oh sorry, no room in the car for you" after i showed up. I got pretty pissed off at it and it showed because apperently she was pretty upset. cue my girlfriend demanding I apologise. So what did I do?

I apologised to her mate. We get on pretty well so it wasn't exactly a big problem for me.

I then had a chat with the missus and told her that on no uncertain terms that if i was expected to do constantly put up with that ****e (one rule for me, another one for her mates) i'd be gone. All has been well since and it's water under the bridge.

That is a case where you would apologise to keep things civil and harmonious. In your case, I'd do the second part only. ie, tell your bird that you aren't going to stand for crap like that in future over something which was obviously a joke. It's tough for your girlfriend in this situation but i reckon just say that and then let the whole thing go. The best case scenario is that Sandra aplogises, then the whole thing can be sorted nicely and everyone is happy but I know some girls a bit like her and the odds of that happening are virtually non existant.

If it happens again, then blow your lid and put Sandra in her box.

Cheap Thrills!

unregistered wrote: »

Well she must've felt insulted, otherwise why slap him? I don't agree with the way she dealt with it, but it wasn't wrong for her to feel insulted by what he said

You CANNOT put your hands on another person REGARDLESS of the 'justification' -other than genuine self defence.

What she did was assault.

End of.

kiwi123

Well i think Sandra needs to learn that she was very lucky in this case because if she did that to any other guy who made a smart remark, he could easily have hit her back and there are guys out there who do!
You can't just go around hitting people and expect them to take it. Next time you see her i'd try point that out to her, in a casual way. Not in a 'you're lucky i let you away with that kinda way,' but maybe a more joking 'sure if it was anyone else they would've hit you back' (and hope she doesn't slap you again) :P

Floppybits

unregistered wrote: »

Well she must've felt insulted, otherwise why slap him? I don't agree with the way she dealt with it, but it wasn't wrong for her to feel insulted by what he said

Well lets say that the OP was insulted because Sandra said something and he slapped her, would that be acceptable to you?

She assaulted the OP, if it was the other way around and the OP slapped her I can bet he would have spent a night in the cells and would now be single but because it was her slapping him, he is suppose to accept it and leave it be, that's not.

OP get onto your gf and tell her in no uncertain terms that this better not ever happen and that she better sort out her friend and let her know that it was totally unacceptable what she did and she is lucky that the police weren't called. who does she think she is that she can go around slapping people?

Floppybits

kiwi123 wrote: »

Well i think Sandra needs to learn that she was very lucky in this case because if she did that to any other guy who made a smart remark, he could easily have hit her back and there are guys out there who do!
You can't just go around hitting people and expect them to take it. Next time you see her i'd try point that out to her, in a casual way. Not in a 'you're lucky i let you away with that kinda way,' but maybe a more joking 'sure if it was anyone else they would've hit you back' (and hope she doesn't slap you again) :P

More double standards because I bet you wouldn't say that if he slapped her. The double standards on this thread is unreal. It should be the same rules for all, if he hit her, he would have been arrested and would have been the biggest c*nt this side of the atlantic and therefore it should be the same for her or any woman who hits a man, she assaulted him, have her arrested and tar her with being the biggest c*nt this side of the atlantic.

Chucky the tree

Having her arrested will make the OP the biggest **** this side of the atlantic still. Who cares if it's double standards? They happen so build a bridge and get over it. I can just imagine one of my mates telling me he got his girlfirends mate arressted because she slapped him, lol he'd never live down the abuse.

Kimia

I can't believe some people's attitudes on this thread. HOW DARE SHE hit him? I am so enraged! Some people are just insane and she sounds like a freak.

I would be majorly pissed off, and yes i completely agree - what if the situations were reversed and she insulted him and he slapped her? He'd be arrested!! She needs to be told where to go. I'm fuming!

santana75

Neyite wrote: »

i think that you might have found out why 'sandra' has few friends.

she sounds like one of those daft twits that think you can belt a bloke, if you are a girl, but would scream abuse if a lad dared swat her back.

no point in saying anything about it after the fact, except to decline the next invite out with her, and if you have to, say that she was out of order the last time by hitting you and you have no interest in hanging out with someone who uses physical violence.

some day she will hit the wrong man who will wallop her back, and it might make her think twice about lifting her hand to anyone.

+1. Spot on Neyite. OP you definitely found out the hard way why this girl has few friends. You did nothing wrong here, it was entirely her fault. Just stay away from her, thats all you can do. Sounds like thats waht everybody does with this particular individual. I know youre ego took a hit(literally)but you can console yourself with the fact that you acted like a gentleman in response to what she did. I know quite a few lads who wouldve punched her full whack in the face. But that would only have made you feel like a thug and probably have gotten you arrested.
You did good, now just refuse to spend anytime in this persons company again.

LegacyUser

OP here. Wow, thanks for all the replies! I'm only on this one thus far - I'll reply as much as I can. Thank you all for the feedback in advance - easy to say because I haven't read anything insulting - yet!

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I presume this was a full-on angry slap?

As opposed to her playfully replying to your witty remark by giving you a small slap in return, as in "oh you cheeky boy....!"

Here's the kick in the stones: I don't know! It certainly didn't hurt, but I'm not a small lad, and I was in a million scraps as a young lad. I can take a punch from big lads, and she is really small. My guess is that she was angry, but not livid. She certainly didn't laugh and apologize afterwards, which would have resulted in my laughing it off too.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

I'd have told her she was so out of order. Why didn't you?

Hey Beruthiel,

I'm just not very emotional, for one. Another major factor here is that my 'earthy' sense of humour has gotten me in trouble so many times over the years that, when confronted, I tend to accept full responsibility. I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be, but those instincts have not faded. It took a while for me to think 'f*ck that, I am NOT the bad guy this time'.

A little bit more background: I've been with my GF about nine or ten months. She's very much a pacifist, and goes way back with Sandra. I've only met Sandra about five times now, and I've always been as pleasant as I can. Conversation with her isn't too easy though, and I can have conversations with statues.

LegacyUser

Firstly, apologies for using the word 'lad' three times in quick succession in my post above!
That's not like me.

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

What a cheeky, psycho b!tch.

You were mad to let her away with it. You should have read her the riot act.

Really, who says I have? I didn't say anything at the time, but I'm planning (at this moment anyway, and I'm very open to advice on this point) of taking her aside when next we meet and having a serious word. She does need to learn the error of her ways now, before she raises her hand to the wrong guy. One doesn't get too many Get Out of Jail Free cards in life; she got one on Saturday when I walked away.

I even told my GF of my intentions to do this yesterday. Her reaction was not surprising: she didn't ask me what I was going to say (to which I would have told her that this was between Sandra and myself), but she did ask me not to make Sandra hate me.

sage4me

OK,

Oh My God ....

I am a married women with two children and believe me .. if any of my 125lbs friends lightly slapped by husband I would have dropped kicked them across the room - and no I am not actually violent.

How flippin dare she ...you made an off the cuff remark about 'this being prep work' - big deal.. if she was offended she should have told you that instead of smacking you.

It is not acceptable that a) she slapped you and b) your girl friend said nothing...

Not getting on any band wagon - but I would be mighty pissed :-(

LegacyUser

Floppybits wrote: »

have her arrested and tar her with being the biggest c*nt this side of the atlantic.

Hey Flobbybits,

Let's just knock this on the head (pun intended) right now: there is no chance in hell of me bringing the cops into this. They've enough to be doing without having to deal with cases of assault where no pain was experienced by assault victims. I'm big enough and bold enough to handle it myself. I don't want to ruin the girl's life or anything.

Thanks for the input anyway.

Floppybits

Smacked_Head wrote: »

Hey Flobbybits,

Let's just knock this on the head (pun intended) right now: there is no chance in hell of me bringing the cops into this. They've enough to be doing without having to deal with cases of assault where no pain was experienced by assault victims. I'm big enough and bold enough to handle it myself. I don't want to ruin the girl's life or anything.

Thanks for the input anyway.

Thats all well and good dont get the cops involved but let me ask you, what would have happened if the roles had been reversed? do you think you would now be free or do you think you would have charges pending against if it was you that hit her? If you read other threads on here where the guy is the is the one doing the slapping, you will see a different attitude to the one here which is let it blow over and that is wrong, it is double standards. just look at the thread where the girl has said her boyfriend threatened her to see the responses there.

Its all well and good taking her aside and have a talk but I don't think that will work with a girl like Sandra, Infact I reckon you could end up getting another slap and she will hate you. Your GF attitude is also a bit shocking in this as she is just content to let her mate get away with hitting which is not on either. If anyone should be saying something it is her not you, her friend will take it from her but she will certainly not take it from you. If do intend to say it to her I would make sure you do it with some one else present as you do not know what way she will react when you speak with her.

katie99

Perhaps Sandra was just fed up with you acting the joker all night?
Your double meanings could have made her fed up listening to you all night trying to be the funny guy.
I've met guys like you and you know five minutes of your 'standup' comedy is enough to do me a month!!
So, it was her night out, regardless of how many or how few friends were there.
I would ask her why she slapped you.
And a word to the wise: Not everyone wants to hear a joker in the pack all night.

OS119

katie99 wrote: »

Perhaps Sandra was just fed up with you acting the joker all night?
Your double meanings could have made her fed up listening to you all night trying to be the funny guy.
I've met guys like you and you know five minutes of your 'standup' comedy is enough to do me a month!!
So, it was her night out, regardless of how many or how few friends were there.
I would ask her why she slapped you.
And a word to the wise: Not everyone wants to hear a joker in the pack all night.

sexist much?

if, as you think, she's not a nutjob but just a normal girl who got pissed off with unfunny jokes - would you like to hazard a guess as to why she didn't just mumble sotto vocé 'twat' when these jokes were made, or indeed just leave as it became obvious she wasn't enjoying herself, or, after a particularly dire 'joke' say deadpan 'i'm glad i wore a belt, or otherwise my sides would have split', or 'i prostrate myself in front of the worlds greatest living comedian'?

you know, just like a normal person?

ManOfMystery

katie99 wrote: »

Perhaps Sandra was just fed up with you acting the joker all night?
Your double meanings could have made her fed up listening to you all night trying to be the funny guy.
I've met guys like you and you know five minutes of your 'standup' comedy is enough to do me a month!!
So, it was her night out, regardless of how many or how few friends were there.
I would ask her why she slapped you.
And a word to the wise: Not everyone wants to hear a joker in the pack all night.

So what if she was fed up?

I've had numerous nights out with groups of friends/colleagues and on more than one occasion there's been someone irritating, or someone trying too hard, or someone who was just plain annoying. I didn't hit them.
That's not to say the OP even did what you imply, he could have said nothing 'funny' until the very end.

Someone being irritated doesn't give them justification to phsyically attack someone else.

Mighty_Mouse

Do you really feel the need to accost a girl for a gentle slap? If you really feel agrieved, figure out whether she regrets it or not. I'd say she is mortified, therefore you can make a quick joke/dig & let it go without the need for full-scale intervention.

I know the PC brigade will be out in force but its completely different for a woman to slap a man than visa versa.

That said, contsant double entendré's from a guy is one of the most annoying traits I've ever encountered in another human being.

I would challenge Jesus H Christ himself not to lose the rag with a fullgrown man who interrupts every conversation & situation with d/e jokes.
It's just wears ya down & after an evening of it I'd say she snapped.

It ruins conversations, people cant hug, or touch physically in any way, or do anything with a-typical sleaze-face suggesting something sexual.
The whole evening is changed as people double-think what they can & can't say without diaper-boy crackin a funny! Sheesh, I been there before & I gotta I snapped.

She couldnt even hug her mate goodbye with out you suggesting a 3some.............I mean come on FFS. Do you not realise how much your bugging people.
You mates realise your a nice guy underneath it, but come on, you do this with strangers?

LegacyUser

katie99 wrote: »

Perhaps Sandra was just fed up with you acting the joker all night?
Your double meanings could have made her fed up listening to you all night trying to be the funny guy.

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

That said, contsant double entendré's from a guy is one of the most annoying traits I've ever encountered in another human being.

I would challenge Jesus H Christ himself not to lose the rag with a fullgrown man who interrupts every conversation & situation with d/e jokes.
It's just wears ya down & after an evening of it I'd say she snapped.

That would be all well and good if I had been talking sh*te all night long, like you two seem to have decided that I was. Where exactly did you get that from? What I said at the end was the first comment of that ilk I'd made all evening. I had been a perfect gentleman up until that point. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I've always been that way to Sandra.

I've met guys like you and you know five minutes of your 'standup' comedy is enough to do me a month!!

You're being a bit presumptuous there Katie. You don't know me at all, and I'm sure we're both perfectly happy keeping it that way.

tbh

"She does need to learn the error of her ways now, before she raises her hand to the wrong guy. One doesn't get too many Get Out of Jail Free cards in life; she got one on Saturday when I walked away."

if she's the type to slap a virtual stranger because you made a joke, I doubt having a "stern word" with her is going to have the effect you want it to. I doubt she'll apologise, if anything she'll get defensive - I'm pretty sure that you'll just end more frustrated than you are now. I'm not saying it's the wrong or right thing to do, but for me it wouldn't be worth the effort. let her learn the hard way, she won't thank you for trying to set her straight.

If it were me, and you're not willing to bring the cops into it, then I'd just ignore her in future tbh.

shellyboo

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

Do you really feel the need to accost a girl for a gentle slap?

Hang on a minute... you're giving out to him for "accosting her over a gentle slap", but it's ok for her to ASSAULT him over a JOKE?

OP, this girl was way out of order. You don't raise your hand to anyone, male, female, bigger than you, smaller than you, funny, sleazy, unfunny or whatever, except in self-defence. That's how I was brought up, I fear for my personal safety if the majority of people think it's ok to hit someone who just isn't their cup of tea.

Mention it to your girlfriend, tell her it's not acceptable, and if it happens again, read the friend the riot act.