Why do men do it?

pinkpigs

I had lunch with some single friends today and the conversation came round to who did what last weekend.

One of the girls met a nice guy in the pub on Saturday, they had a laugh a drink and a bit of a snog, he asked for her number and now it's Wednesday and nadda. I'm newly single and a tad niave and was coming up with random answers but apparnently it's quite common. I was thinking, maybe if she thinks he is into her by asking for her number then he might think his chances of getting his leg over will be better.

Just wondering is this the norm? Is this what I have to look forward to??

Comments/suggestions welcome?

PP:rolleyes:

susanroth

Some text some don't:D
Who cares if he doesn't text, could just mean he wasn't as nice as he seemed:eek:
Plenty more fish in the sea:p

Novella

Maybe he asked for her number 'cause he thought it'd be rude not to, and didn't text her because he just didn't want to see her again.

It's not something you have to look forward to though, no. Sometimes it'll happen, sometimes it won't.

It's not just guys, loads of girls do that too.

minidazzler

Forgotten about the girl upon waking
Nerves
Lack of Confidence
Being a dick
Not being quite as attracted next morning
Thinking they forgot or didn't really want you to text
Disinterest
Lack of credit
Writing the text, then just not sending because of any of the above reasons.

Off the top of my head, these are excuses I used for myself before!

There are lots of reasons we won't text all valid at the time TBH, the only bad reason I can think of is when I am too nervous to text/call.

Darmstrong

I know as a lad that its easier to talk to girls when in the pub but then when the moment has passed and its the next day you wonder "what do i say/what will she say ETC"
A Lot of girls would do the same, not because they are mean or not nice, but there is that underlying fear of rejection when writing a message to someone new the next day.

The_Kew_Tour

Gilrs do it too. Have got 2-3 numbers in past and when i texted turns out it was wrong number or number does not exist, thats after me giving them the phone to type it in and I asking them to double check it.

He might still text I would not expect her to wait months but he might text before end of week. Hde might feel that if he texts now its bit too early. Everyone is different.

Howard the Duck

Yep girls do it too. Well in my experience i might text a girl i met and she'll text back and the texts will be very short and you can tell they aren't interested.

miss5

I think he probably had to much to drink, people see things differently sober.

Pyr0

It's not just guys that do it. Girls do it too, as Novella said. Maybe he thought it was the nice thing to do and just really wasn't interested when he sat back and thought about it. Gods knows I've gotten a number or two and then BAM nothing !

That's life !

Fizman

Hands up if you had your way as of from tomorrow........text messaging would be extinct and never to be used again!

Christ I hate texting! :mad:

Nervous Wreck

I dunno why people get so bent outta shape over this. I've done it and had it done to me loads of times. A chat and a kiss is fun but I'm not gonna search each house in the kingdom for the girl who fits the slipper the next day... I never think twice about it if a girl never gets back in touch. It's not my problem anymore...

The_Kew_Tour

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I dunno why people get so bent outta shape over this. I've done it and had it done to me loads of times. A chat and a kiss is fun but I'm not gonna search each house in the kingdom for the girl who fits the slipper the next day... I never think twice about it if a girl never gets back in touch. It's not my problem anymore...

Good for you. Think your dead right. I used be opposite but now like you

If they dont want get in touch then plenty more fish out there.

Thibor

Personally, if I take a number and say I'll call/text the next day, I will.
I've often given my number (upon request) and not gotten a call, so be it, if they're willing to take a number and not bother contacting you, then they're not worth thinking about.

Either way, it's not a "guy thing" it's just the way of things

Rented Mule

Not to be a smartass, but he may not even remember your name.

me_right_one

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I dunno why people get so bent outta shape over this. I've done it and had it done to me loads of times. A chat and a kiss is fun but I'm not gonna search each house in the kingdom for the girl who fits the slipper the next day... I never think twice about it if a girl never gets back in touch. It's not my problem anymore...

Nail, head, hammer:cool:

beks101

Though there's a catalogue of reasons for him not texting/calling after a guy takes my number (and not all of them are unflattering!), personally I find it a bit rude and a bit mean.

It suggests taking my number was really a get-out clause out of whatever interaction we were having on the night and really, what's the point? Why not just say 'well it's been lovely talking to you / nice meeting you / see you around' instead of pretending it's going to go further when it's simply not?

I prefer to know when a drunken kiss on a night out is just going to be a drunken kiss on a night out, and there's not going to be any vague expectation of my phone going off at some stage during the week from that cute guy I ended up with on that night out.

Meh, it's not something I'd lose sleep over tbh but it does p1ss me off!

miss5

beks101 wrote: »

Though there's a catalogue of reasons for him not texting/calling after a guy takes my number (and not all of them are unflattering!), personally I find it a bit rude and a bit mean.

It suggests taking my number was really a get-out clause out of whatever interaction we were having on the night and really, what's the point? Why not just say 'well it's been lovely talking to you / nice meeting you / see you around' instead of pretending it's going to go further when it's simply not?

I prefer to know when a drunken kiss on a night out is just going to be a drunken kiss on a night out, and there's not going to be any vague expectation of my phone going off at some stage during the week from that cute guy I ended up with on that night out.

Meh, it's not something I'd lose sleep over tbh but it does p1ss me off!

Agree with that, He isn't worth you worrying about it. Forget him.

Nervous Wreck

beks101 wrote: »

Though there's a catalogue of reasons for him not texting/calling after a guy takes my number (and not all of them are unflattering!), personally I find it a bit rude and a bit mean.

It suggests taking my number was really a get-out clause out of whatever interaction we were having on the night and really, what's the point? Why not just say 'well it's been lovely talking to you / nice meeting you / see you around' instead of pretending it's going to go further when it's simply not?

I prefer to know when a drunken kiss on a night out is just going to be a drunken kiss on a night out, and there's not going to be any vague expectation of my phone going off at some stage during the week from that cute guy I ended up with on that night out.

Meh, it's not something I'd lose sleep over tbh but it does p1ss me off!

I agree. When it works out like this, it's always good. Once or twice though, I've had girls insist that I take their number when I said no. I even went so far as to say "Look, I'm not being mean here but I'm really not gonna call; I'm not looking for anything more." and been met with "Just take my number and text me". I relent, take the number and delete it when I wake up... Eugh.

DubMedic

miss5 wrote: »

I think he probably had to much to drink, people see things differently sober.

The old gem of blaming it on the drink is it?.

dotsman

Perhaps, because she never took his number?

If I took a girl's number and she never asked for mine, I would assume that she's just not that interested.

It's 2010.

Nervous Wreck

dotsman wrote: »

Perhaps, because she never took his number?

If I took a girl's number and she never asked for mine, I would assume that she's just not that interested.

It's 2010.

That's really stupid....

EDIT: Sorry, what I mean is, if I ask for a girl's number and she gives it to me, I take two things from that interaction:

1. I have successfully showed interest in a further encounter.
and
2. She has reciprocated that interest (or at the very least, has admitted to being curious about it).


One number given/taken is enough... Two only happens when yer SOLID getting along.

me_right_one

beks101 wrote: »

It suggests taking my number was really a get-out clause out of whatever interaction we were having on the night and really, what's the point? Why not just say 'well it's been lovely talking to you / nice meeting you / see you around' instead of pretending it's going to go further when it's simply not?

Would that not be worse? Aetin face all night and then just "That was grand, see ya round":eek: Its can be a get out clause for both parties, a simple way to leave it at that and see what happens - *Simples*

The_Minister

me_right_one wrote: »

Nail, head, hammer:cool:

He's talking about girls who aren't interested.:p

beks101

me_right_one wrote: »

Would that not be worse? Aetin face all night and then just "That was grand, see ya round":eek: Its can be a get out clause for both parties, a simple way to leave it at that and see what happens - *Simples*

No, to me it wouldn't. I'd have (or not have!!:o) a few nice memories the next day, but know that it was just an in-the-moment thing and I wasn't going to be hearing from him again. I had fun, he had fun, that's all it was and we've both moved on with our lives, as opposed to the false hope that exchanging numbers can create.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be sitting at home staring at my phone willing it to ring or anything. But for me, I just wouldn't ever be interested in adding a guy's number to my address book unless I had an intention of getting in contact again, so I don't think the same courtesy is too much to expect.

me_right_one

beks101 wrote: »

No, to me it wouldn't. I'd have (or not have!!:o) a few nice memories the next day, but know that it was just an in-the-moment thing and I wasn't going to be hearing from him again. I had fun, he had fun, that's all it was and we've both moved on with our lives, as opposed to the false hope that exchanging numbers can create.

Well how would you end the nights interaction so? Say the two of yiz were playing tonsil tennis all night, went outside to wait for a bus, nore tonsil tennis, and his bus pulls up. How would you like it to end if:

A) Neither of you want to take it any further
Neither of you want to take it any further, but you dont want to look like a slut cos there's a lad/wan you actually do fancy standing nearby
C) One party wants to take it furthr, the other doesnt, but doesnt want to hurt the first ones feelings

RacoonQueen

It's not only men that do it. Have you never been so drunk you gave someone/took someones number without even remembering it the next day? Wierdest encounter for me was when I was in the UK, he texted me an HOUR after we parted. WTF???!!! :eek: Needless to say I didn't reply and got a text a few days later saying.

"Well you're clearly not interested, I'm going to delete your number now and I won't bother you again. Goodbye."(in txt speak though)

He sent me a text again about a month later...

Rozabeez

I've a question, as women - Why do we want them to text even if we're not particularly interested? Is it an ego thing?

beks101

me_right_one wrote: »

Well how would you end the nights interaction so? Say the two of yiz were playing tonsil tennis all night, went outside to wait for a bus, nore tonsil tennis, and his bus pulls up. How would you like it to end if:

A) Neither of you want to take it any further
Neither of you want to take it any further, but you dont want to look like a slut cos there's a lad/wan you actually do fancy standing nearby
C) One party wants to take it furthr, the other doesnt, but doesnt want to hurt the first ones feelings

Ideally, it would end it like I originally posted - 'nice to meet you', 'it's been fun', 'enjoy the rest of your night'...brazen hussy? Whatever. At least it's honest, upfront, and saves the wonder/waiting that would ensue in the following days if digits were exchanged.

I think though, scenario C is probably the biggest culprit for this taking-your-number-and-not-hearing-a-thing situation the OP described and that's what I have the problem with. Like I originally said, it's rude. If he's not interested, he could at least afford the honesty to walk away without pretending otherwise, we're both adults afterall. If I'm not interested, I'm not going to ask.

Carlos_Ray

I agree with some of the earlier posts. Sometimes its just being polite. Kinda like when you met someone you haven't seen in a while and you say, "we must meet up for a drink sometime." Its polite, but often there is no intention behind it.

Also some men and women feel differently the day after. Many think, "its too much hassle" or " he/she was actually a bit of a head-wrecker, alright for one night but nothing longer etc"

Others may like someone else (perhaps an ex) and concentrate all their energy on texting them etc.

Personally I have never rang a girl that I met in a bar or club (for all the above reasons)

smurgen

my recently ex girlfriend asked me for my number the first night we met, she asked me to go out with her and then last week she dumped me for her ex who shes flying out to in new zealand. She said she was with him for 5 years and wasn't over him. I really dont understand why she asked for my number and persued me. I really wished she hadn't asked for it n ow at this stage.

Pyr0

Would anyone give a guy/girl your number even if you didn't happen to kiss ? Just had a great time having a chat and what not ? Or would you like to have the good chat + a few kisses to take it a bit further after ?

Rozabeez

I've given my number to people I wasn't kissing. I tend to make friends easily and keep in touch with people, but the odd time the other person takes it up the wrong way. I had one guy text me for weeks after chatting to him on a night out informing me that he and his girlfriend had an open relationship :rolleyes:

Pyr0

Rozabeez wrote: »

but the odd time the other person takes it up the wrong way.

Well that's the tricky apart about not kissing the person I suppose, I've asked for girls numbers on nights out after getting on great with them chatting and what not with the intention of getting to know them more/possibly meeting for a drink, was just shy about making a move on them really !

Floppybits

Pyr0 wrote: »

Would anyone give a guy/girl your number even if you didn't happen to kiss ? Just had a great time having a chat and what not ? Or would you like to have the good chat + a few kisses to take it a bit further after ?

Me personally, if there was no snogging at the end of the night then their would be no number swaps, what would be the point? Maybe if we met another time and got along again then maybe.

Novella

I'd waaaay prefer if a guy I was getting on with asked for my number as opposed to going for a drunken kiss tbh.

Pyr0

Floppybits wrote: »

Me personally, if there was no snogging at the end of the night then their would be no number swaps, what would be the point? Maybe if we met another time and got along again then maybe.

That's the point, to arrange another time for definite as opposed to leaving it to chance !

Rozabeez

I suppose I don't just chat to people on nights out with the intention of scoring/getting myself a few dates, I like a good conversation and if you click with the person on the friendship level, why not keep in touch?

Floppybits

Novella wrote: »

I'd waaaay prefer if a guy I was getting on with asked for my number as opposed to going for a drunken kiss tbh.

But what if the guy didn't drink?

Novella

Floppybits wrote: »

But what if the guy didn't drink?

Okay, what I meant is, I prefer to get to know someone first. I don't like the idea of going out every weekend and kissing a different guy just because we've had a nice ten minute conversation.

If I was getting on well with a guy, I would like if he asked for my number and we got to know each other better. That's just how I feel about it. I don't think it's necessary to kiss on the first meeting to send out the message, "Yeah, I'm kind of interested".

seenitall

Novella, you sound like a very mature young'un!

I agree with the above post almost word for word, but I can't remember if I was thinking like that at 20 or even 25...

Rozabeez, I don't think that I have ever in my life wanted for someone to ring/text if I didn't fancy them, as I don't then give them my digits in the first place. I do remember, however, giving one guy my number just cos he was so bloody persistant and I never mastered the art of giving a fake phone number to this day. (It would seem I am mentally incapable of it ) Anyway, turned out to be a big mistake.

I would be very careful with my phone no. at this point.

dotsman

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

That's really stupid....

EDIT: Sorry, what I mean is, if I ask for a girl's number and she gives it to me, I take two things from that interaction:
...
One number given/taken is enough... Two only happens when yer SOLID getting along.

Well, that's where we differ. If a girl doesn't want my number, I assume that she has no real interest.

I'm not going to chase any girl who I don't believe is interested.

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

1. I have successfully showed interest in a further encounter.

Agree

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

2. She has reciprocated that interest (or at the very least, has admitted to being curious about it).

But she hasn't reciprocated!!! Why wouldn't she want my number? Either she's not interested or she expects me to do all the chasing. There's plenty of girls who are willing to meet me half-way, so I'm not going to waste my time on those who don't.

As I said, it's 2010.

plasmaguy

I wouldn't text every woman's number I get.

Some women you can tell they aren't really that interested and are just being polite in giving their numbers.

Others you text and ask them out and they say they aren't looking for a relationship at the moment.

Women are very fussy!

DubMedic

plasmaguy wrote: »

Women are very fussy!

Great opinion to have mate :rolleyes:.

Rozabeez

Hooray for sweeping generalisations?

Parsley

you know that movie, 'He's just not that into you'? Go watch that.

dotsman

Rozabeez wrote: »

Hooray for sweeping generalisations?

Are you referring to the thread title?:D

Rozabeez

Haha, suppose I am! and my earlier post, and half the posts in here. Everyone has their own reasons for why they do things and why they don't, it's just too easy to categorize them due to experience.

Nervous Wreck

dotsman wrote: »

But she hasn't reciprocated!!! Why wouldn't she want my number? Either she's not interested or she expects me to do all the chasing.

Or she expects that you're gonna send her a text/call her and you can have a nice two-way conversation. There's no need to be on the defensive just because she doesn't say "Sure you can have my number, can I have yours too?" If you take her number, it's safe to say you're going to make contact and she will then have your number.

dotsman

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Or she expects that you're gonna send her a text/call her and you can have a nice two-way conversation. There's no need to be on the defensive just because she doesn't say "Sure you can have my number, can I have yours too?" If you take her number, it's safe to say you're going to make contact and she will then have your number.

Unfortunately, that's not how I work.

Wouldn't it be nice if she was to text/call you? Again, why must I make the first/second move. I'll have made it clear to her that I'm interested already. I ain't gonna beg.

To be honest, I generally don't ask for "numbers" and leave it at that, I'd give my number or ask for hers, then ring her for a second so she has mine. I'd also swing the conversation so that the onus is on her to make the contact.

I'd, of course, only do that if I am actually interested!

Nemanja91

I think you would have connected better with someone if you were with then all night and still hadn't kissed then