What do you consider cheating?

C_J

Hey,

So I was out with friends last night and inevitably the conversation lead to relationships, who we liked and if we could have anyone in the world..who we imagine our ideal other half to be. Of course one of the lads brought up Cheryl Cole and what "a gob****e her husband is" (he is really not an Ashley fan:p) for cheating on someone like her. To cut to the chase this brought us around to cheating in general and what people consider cheating. It just seems that there are more grey areas when it comes to cheating these days than ever before.

I mean, having sex with someone else= cheating, kissing someone else=cheating. These ones are pretty clear cut. But when it comes to "emotional" cheating, where's the line/ is there a line??

I'd be interested in other people's views on this. Thanks:)

Xiney

The line, as far as I see it is:

If the roles were reversed, if it was my husband doing this with someone else would I be upset? If so, then that's inappropriate behaviour. Definition of cheating it may not be, but it's worked thus far.

miss5

I think people tend to focus on physical cheating so much emotional cheating
is ignored, If I was with omeone who was texting/emailing other girls and
these messages were explicit I would count that a form of betrayl, I also
think lying is a form of cheating. Perhaps I see it in a black and white manner.

F1ngers

C_J wrote: »

Hey,

So I was out with friends last night and inevitably the conversation lead to relationships, who we liked and if we could have anyone in the world..who we imagine our ideal other half to be. Of course one of the lads brought up Cheryl Cole and what "a gob****e her husband is" (he is really not an Ashley fan:p) for cheating on someone like her. To cut to the chase this brought us around to cheating in general and what people consider cheating. It just seems that there are more grey areas when it comes to cheating these days than ever before.

I mean, having sex with someone else= cheating, kissing someone else=cheating. These ones are pretty clear cut. But when it comes to "emotional" cheating, where's the line/ is there a line??

I'd be interested in other people's views on this. Thanks:)

Since when does kissing someone else=cheating???

"Happy birthday"..."kiss"...I'm now cheating...???? I think not...You need to re-define what you consider cheating

ERR!

F1ngers wrote: »

Since when does kissing someone else=cheating???

"Happy birthday"..."kiss"...I'm now cheating...???? I think not...You need to re-define what you consider cheating

I'm pretty sure the OP means an intimate kiss not just a friendly peck on the check you give a friend....

Nervous Wreck

F1ngers wrote: »

Since when does kissing someone else=cheating???

"Happy birthday"..."kiss"...I'm now cheating...???? I think not...You need to re-define what you consider cheating

You need to re-define what you consider kissing...

C_J

F1ngers wrote: »

Since when does kissing someone else=cheating???

"Happy birthday"..."kiss"...I'm now cheating...???? I think not...You need to re-define what you consider cheating

To clarify - that's not what I meant. I'm not talking about a chaste peck between friends, I mean snogging the face off someone who isn't your bf/gf when you are in a relationship.

C_J

Xiney wrote: »

The line, as far as I see it is:

If the roles were reversed, if it was my husband doing this with someone else would I be upset? If so, then that's inappropriate behaviour. Definition of cheating it may not be, but it's worked thus far.

That makes a lot of sense:)

krudler

Hmm, its a tricky one, everyone has their own standards as well as the "normal" versions of cheating, kissing,sex etc. What about if the person who you were with was dancing with someone in a club? I wouldnt have a problem with dancing as in apart and boogying away, but if it was grinding or lots of groping, that'd be a big no-no to me, I wouldnt consider it cheating per se, but its on the same lines. From my own experience cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone, you can get over broken promises or stubborness or arguments, but once the trust is gone, doesnt matter if its "only a kiss" its gone.

miss5

krudler wrote: »

Hmm, its a tricky one, everyone has their own standards as well as the "normal" versions of cheating, kissing,sex etc. What about if the person who you were with was dancing with someone in a club? I wouldnt have a problem with dancing as in apart and boogying away, but if it was grinding or lots of groping, that'd be a big no-no to me, I wouldnt consider it cheating per se, but its on the same lines. From my own experience cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone, you can get over broken promises or stubborness or arguments, but once the trust is gone, doesnt matter if its "only a kiss" its gone.

Completely agree with that,Without trust there is nothing.
It's torture having to live with that doubt.

SeekUp

Xiney wrote: »

The line, as far as I see it is:

If the roles were reversed, if it was my husband doing this with someone else would I be upset? If so, then that's inappropriate behaviour. Definition of cheating it may not be, but it's worked thus far.

I'd agree with Xiney.

I'd also add that it's anything that I'd either feel guilty about, and/or that I wouldn't want to tell my partner that I'd done.

Feeona

Xiney wrote: »

If the roles were reversed, if it was my husband doing this with someone else would I be upset? If so, then that's inappropriate behaviour. Definition of cheating it may not be, but it's worked thus far.

This works for me too. If I'm with someone who doesn't give me the same respect I give them, they're gone. It's a very simple rule for me to live by, negates game-playing and worrying about whether he's cheating or not, and leaves me free to enjoy getting to know him (until the wheels come off that is!:o)

krudler

Heres a question, what about strippers? now I would never get a lapdance if I was in a relationship, say I was at a stag do or something, looking is fine but I wouldnt want someone else grinding all over me while I had a girlfriend, I'd feel too guilty. And likewise I wouldnt want my missus having a sex act simulated on her by some oiled up stripper guy. One of her friends had a stripper at her birthday recently and theres pics of it on her facebook, the guy had her simulating oral sex on him and was acting like he was shagging her in front of everyone, and her boyfriend apparently had a massive problem with this as he didnt know her friends had booked it, but now they're all acting like hes being a baby and overreacting as it was "only a bit of fun". I completely agree with him though. you wouldnt act like that with another person and expct to not get dumped, why is it different if the other person is being paid for it?

Ickle Magoo

I think if you couldn't or wouldn't do it in front of your partner then it's something you probably shouldn't be doing, as a general rule.

billybigunz

Going on a date with somebody?

Ickle Magoo

billybigunz wrote: »

Going on a date with somebody?

You wouldn't consider going on a date with someone while you have a partner as cheating? I think that would be one of the more obvious ones... :pac:

billybigunz

I suppose. I will ring and cancel then. I'm just bored.

seenitall

Let's make this a bit more interesting.

Let us suppose two friends of mine I know, have been friends for ages and have both been involved with other people for ages. Yet every time we meet up, there is fierce chemistry going on there, and I was even present once when a newcomer in to the company commented on their flirting and a fierce amount of "tension" passing back and forth over the bar table. Yet, their OHs, when in company, seem utterly oblivious to the situation. Maybe because they have known each other for so long, so it is not considered threatening? I wouldn't know what happens behind close doors anyway, let us say this has been going for a very long time now, and that chemistry always seems to be there. Maybe it is in fact there because there has been no "regular" cheating?

What are your views on this? Would you be worried if you were one of their OH's?

C_J

seenitall wrote: »

Let's make this a bit more interesting.

Let us suppose two friends of mine I know, have been friends for ages and have both been involved with other people for ages. Yet every time we meet up, there is fierce chemistry going on there, and I was even present once when a newcomer in to the company commented on their flirting and a fierce amount of "tension" passing back and forth over the bar table. Yet, their OHs, when in company, seem utterly oblivious to the situation. Maybe because they have known each other for so long, so it is not considered threatening? I wouldn't know what happens behind close doors anyway, let us say this has been going for a very long time now, and that chemistry always seems to be there. Maybe it is in fact there because there has been no "regular" cheating?

What are your views on this? Would you be worried if you were one of their OH's?

Tricky. Some people are naturally flirtatious and when they have a friend who is similar to them, has known them for years, knows all their stories etc, it would be very easy confuse them for the couple. Are you sure their other halves are completely oblivious to it? Maybe it's already been discussed between the couples and they know there is no fear there?

But this comes back to my opening post. If you have a friend of the opposite sex and they are your best friend and know everything about you, can read you like a book and who you talk to about everything, including issues with your bf.......is that some kind of emotional cheating?

I know my ex talked to his friends when we had problems but his best friend is a guy and I know he had some issues with the fact that mine isn't a girl. I can still understand his point of view but I don't want to have to censor what I can and cannot talk about with my friend, if it is ever a situation again in the future. Like I said, sometimes it's hard to know where the line is.

C_J

krudler wrote: »

Heres a question, what about strippers? now I would never get a lapdance if I was in a relationship, say I was at a stag do or something, looking is fine but I wouldnt want someone else grinding all over me while I had a girlfriend, I'd feel too guilty. And likewise I wouldnt want my missus having a sex act simulated on her by some oiled up stripper guy. One of her friends had a stripper at her birthday recently and theres pics of it on her facebook, the guy had her simulating oral sex on him and was acting like he was shagging her in front of everyone, and her boyfriend apparently had a massive problem with this as he didnt know her friends had booked it, but now they're all acting like hes being a baby and overreacting as it was "only a bit of fun". I completely agree with him though. you wouldnt act like that with another person and expct to not get dumped, why is it different if the other person is being paid for it?

Probably because there is a certain amount of professionalism involved. In a situation like that, the stripper at the party is only there because he is paid to be there, not because he wants the person he's stripping for. He'll do his job, take his money and go home. It's not a pleasant position for your friend to have been in, watching some other guy dance all over his girlfriend, but he was no threat to him.