How do you react to someone calling you ****** ?

keepkeyyellow

I live on student res in college and like not being small minded here but it's safe to say that most people here are from rural areas and are not used to er people like me. So anyway today while walking to my apartment with a friend one lad called me a f/aggot under my breath and it kinda irked me, a lot but was too shocked to say anything. Now this isn't the first time it's happened too I've been called f/aggot from apartment windows a couple of times too and I'm not out there or anything, I'm a quiet guy who keeps to myself so why the outbursts ?

Anyway any personal experiences or tips to share ?

drusk

Imagine if this had been your post:

I live on student res in college and like not being small minded here but it's safe to say that most people here are from rural areas and are not used to er black people like me. So anyway today while walking to my apartment with a friend one lad called me a n/igger under my breath and it kinda irked me, a lot but was too shocked to say anything. Now this isn't the first time it's happened too I've been called n/igger from apartment windows a couple of times too and I'm not out there or anything, I'm a quiet guy who keeps to myself so why the outbursts ?

Can you imagine the outcry if your post read like this and was posted somewhere like After Hours?!

This blatant discrimination is disgusting. Take a leaf out of the books of the black civil rights campaigners that have since gone down in history - don't lower yourself by dignifying their discrimination with a response. Hold your head high and ignore it. Don't let these rural bigots get to you. Time and the history books will show these bigots up for what they are.

MultiUmm

drusk wrote: »

Imagine if this had been your post:

I live on student res in college and like not being small minded here but it's safe to say that most people here are from rural areas and are not used to er black people like me. So anyway today while walking to my apartment with a friend one lad called me a n/igger under my breath and it kinda irked me, a lot but was too shocked to say anything. Now this isn't the first time it's happened too I've been called n/igger from apartment windows a couple of times too and I'm not out there or anything, I'm a quiet guy who keeps to myself so why the outbursts ?

Can you imagine the outcry if your post read like this and was posted somewhere like After Hours?!

This blatant discrimination is disgusting. Take a leaf out of the books of the black civil rights campaigners that have since gone down in history - don't lower yourself by dignifying their discrimination with a response. Hold your head high and ignore it. Don't let these rural bigots get to you. Time and the history books will show these bigots up for what they are.

+ a million to this.

disgusting behaviour out of that fella.

I often wonder are these people going to be as immature and small minded for the rest of their lives?

Annasopra

drusk wrote: »

This blatant discrimination is disgusting. Take a leaf out of the books of the black civil rights campaigners that have since gone down in history - don't lower yourself by dignifying their discrimination with a response. Hold your head high and ignore it. Don't let these rural bigots get to you. Time and the history books will show these bigots up for what they are.

Is ignoring it the best option? - I don't honestly know what I would do but should it not be challenged?

drunkmonkey

Someone from the city would never be so small minded, What is it with country people??

ronaneire

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Someone from the city would never be so small minded, What is it with country people??

You cant say, what is it with country people? It's not always the case, just happened to be for the OP.
Anyone with some sort of brain should have to cop on not to go around calling anyone these names.
OP keep your head held high and ignore such bigots as you will be far better person.

Dwn Wth Vwls

I'm not really convinced that ignoring it is the best option. If you thought that responding might put you in danger, then obviously don't do that. These people are cowards though; muttering it under their breath as they walk past, shouting it from windows you can't get to.

Even stopping, turning around, and saying "excuse me?" would probably catch them off guard and make them think twice about it. There are lots of other responses too. "Yeah, what's your point?", "Bigot", "What did you say?" or even the comical "I know I am, but what are you?".

They have no right to get away with calling people that. I can understand if you're quiet and you find the idea of confrontation unappealing, but you might find it empowering. Let them know it's not acceptable or they'll never learn.

GalwayGuy92

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Someone from the city would never be so small minded, What is it with country people??

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to call you out on that one! Yes it's a disgrace that this person would say this but why would that instantly mean he was from the country? Country people can be just a polite as city slickers! In fact in my experience someone from 'the city' would be just as likely to say something like this.
Obviously there will be exceptions to both the city and country people 'stereotype' or whatever you wan to call it but just because someone is from the country does not instantly make them biggotted and backwards

rainbow kirby

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Someone from the city would never be so small minded, What is it with country people??

It's not just country people. The worst public homophobic verbal abuse I ever got off anyone was in Tallaght.

Frei

Give them the finger. Or else say something like What's your point?

scallywags

Just ignore them and hope it doesnt turn violent. The problem is when you are raised by your family to fight back coupled with rampant homophobia back in the school days, once you stand up for yourself you are really asking for it, marked for life by some who just wont let it go. i got some abuse of this chap i worked with under his breath constantly slagging me, but when another chap (bout 3/4 times my size, twice his size) got lippy with him he cowered like a girl. Its mostly just insecurities.

Sorry

I personally would not let it go, I couldn't. I would tell the person how much of a pathetic bigot they were. Even though then there would be a risk of getting attacked, I can not let these vile people feel that they can do what they like.

Sir Ophiuchus

I'd take it up with the student residence authorities. That stuff is taken very very seriously, and rightly so.

keepkeyyellow

Thanks for all the advice but really I don't know what to do

I can't really complain to the res board because I haven't a clue who they are.

I'm only a week left here so I doubt it'll happen again.

But like afterwards I did say to my friend 'Er that guy in red just called me a ******'

And it's definitely all country people cause it's a Dublin uni so yeah.

Annasopra

are you finished in uni forever after next week? If you are just forget about it, if you're going back there then honestly I wouldn't just ignore that stuff

keepkeyyellow

Johnnymcg wrote: »

are you finished in uni forever after next week? If you are just forget about it, if you're going back there then honestly I wouldn't just ignore that stuff

Only in first year and moving into town come September and like I've never experienced anything like outside of Res,

Annasopra

Ok well then let it go as it's not be an issue again

Nevyn

If it was me I would just reply equally as loud "Arsehole", cos that is what they.

Donnaghm

I tend to belittle them about this being the 21st century and you're a common, uneducated red neck etc.

Aard

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Someone from the city would never be so small minded, What is it with country people??

Nobody understands your sarcasm.


OP, yeah I've experienced things like this before. Never anything to my face - people briskly walking by muttering under their breath, people driving by shouting out the window (OK, only once, but still), people a fair distance away - which leads me to believe that they're just cowards. I usually wouldn't say anything, part out of fear of physical attack, and part out of the fact that anybody overhearing isn't likely to become homophobic and agree with them just by virtue of a personal insult.

Nevyn

tbh if someone hits me, I press charges, esp if it's on campus and there are CCTV footage,
I know not everyone is as pysically brave as I am but if a person hits me, I will prosecute to the extent of the law and if they end up with a criminal record barring them from jobs or travel tought shít they should not have hit me.

lepidopteria

keepkeyyellow wrote: »

I live on student res in college and like not being small minded here but it's safe to say that most people here are from rural areas and are not used to er people like me. So anyway today while walking to my apartment with a friend one lad called me a f/aggot under my breath and it kinda irked me, a lot but was too shocked to say anything. Now this isn't the first time it's happened too I've been called f/aggot from apartment windows a couple of times too and I'm not out there or anything, I'm a quiet guy who keeps to myself so why the outbursts ?

Anyway any personal experiences or tips to share ?

Ask yourself do you really care, calling you a f/aggot is just another word for calling you gay but since you already know that it's not like they are making any big revelation, it'd be like you trying to insult a straight person by calling them a "Hetro", it's a pointless insult because they are stating the obvious. The only reason they used the word "F/aggot" to get to you is because if it was them being called it they know it'd p*ss them off so are transfering how they'd react onto you but if you think about it it's only another word for gay now a days, it only really hurts if you let it, the only power words ever have is the power you assign to them, Queer use to be a hurtful word too until gay people took control of it, so what if people think you are a big fag? at least you are proud of it, sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you

lepidopteria

Oh yeah and I forgot to add that anyone that is so obsessed with your sexuality is having problems dealing with their own, denial isn't just a river in Egypt

Dr. Baltar

I usually just laugh with my arms out, shaking my head saying "No sh1t sherlock"

JupiterKid

There's no way I would let such homophobic abuse go unchallenged.:mad: It's all the more disgraceful becuase this is a university and students are supposed to be educated. I would make a formal complaint to the student residential services for starters.

Idiotic sh*ts. One the couple of occasions where I encountered homophobic remarks directed at me, I always challenged them.

azezil

I'd either laugh it off or shout back "breeder!"

Nevyn

Those type of comments don't help and frankly you would not be here if your parents weren't 'breeders'.

mehmeh12

In my experience country people from NAVAN are by far the worst. And country people in general. You can often almost always tell them apart from the rest of society.

Red_Marauder

Thaedydal wrote: »

Those type of comments don't help and frankly you would not be here if your parents weren't 'breeders'.

I think it does help - I think that using the term 'breeder' underlines the absurdity of classifiying people based on their sexual preferences in a way that is not confrontational. It is probably far more effective than replying 'asshole', which is simply reactionary and antagonistic.

Annasopra

Ok

enough with the whole country people are all backward and city people are all completely gay friendly etc etc, it's not relevant and I'll just delete any more comments that mention it again

Nevyn

I think breeder is antongistic and it's a term I am a lot more reactionary about then arsehole. Just beacuse a person is hetrosexual does not mean they intend on ever having kids, just because a person is homosexual that doesn't mean they intend on never having kids and then there are people who are bisexual.

I don't see the point of polarising people and alienating people, and arsehole is an arsehole reguardless of thier sexuality or where they are from.

kippy

I genuinely am disgusted with that type of behavior but also wonder why you make this assumption:
"from rural areas and are not used to er people like me"
Homosexuality isn't confined to the city dwellers you know.

Goodshape

I agree with Thead, don't much like the term 'Breeder' as a retaliation. It's stupidity vs. stupidity.



In the [thankfully] few occasions I've been name called I think I've either given them a condescending "oh, that's really clever" laugh or just just outright ignored them.

Red_Marauder

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think breeder is antongistic and it's a term I am a lot more reactionary about then arsehole.

Really/ I would have thought most people see the term breeder as a bit of a joke. I would doubt any reasonable human being actually takes serious offence to it.
In that regard, the accusation of 'breeder' underlines how comical or absurd the term fag itself is in turn.

Arsehole is just arsehole, it's just pointless name calling.

keepkeyyellow

kippy wrote: »

I genuinely am disgusted with that type of behavior but also wonder why you make this assumption:
"from rural areas and are not used to er people like me"
Homosexuality isn't confined to the city dwellers you know.

Well I have been told by friends that they just don't have people like me in Clare, where she's from anyway but like coming from the actual country I know well the close-mindedness of certain people.

I'm certainly not saying that all people from rural areas are homophobic, I'm just saying that the people who called me f/aggot just happened to be from rural areas.

Annasopra

One last warning - please refrain from bringing in stereotypes about rural people being homophobic

azezil

Red_Marauder summed it up nicely. It's a nonsensical / whimiscal reply to an equally stupid comment. :rolleyes:

stephen_n

I'm a breeder and I'm bi wow I can get insulted by both sides, oh the injustice of it all. Good thing I stopped worrying about stupid name calling roughly around the time I left the playground!

DubArk

stephen_n wrote: »

I'm a breeder and I'm bi wow I can get insulted by both sides, oh the injustice of it all. Good thing I stopped worrying about stupid name calling roughly around the time I left the playground!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!

But thats me!

Jimmynala

Im recently out and I have been called a f/aggot and other **** a few times. Now I'm not camp or anything but I think if people have any incling at all, depending on how narrow minded and ignorant they are, then they will run with it. I think the best thing to do is ignore it. It could turn ugly if you respond to it. But I hope it all works out mate

keepkeyyellow

Jimmynala wrote: »

Im recently out and I have been called a f/aggot and other **** a few times. Now I'm not camp or anything but I think if people have any incling at all, depending on how narrow minded and ignorant they are, then they will run with it. I think the best thing to do is ignore it. It could turn ugly if you respond to it. But I hope it all works out mate

The best response I think. Thanks.

unreggd

Just reply with "You wish!" and keep walkin

bahamadia

Being from a rural village in Wexford I've experienced the "metro, high-life" that Dublin has to offer and the not-so-metro low-life that Limerick has to offer.

Physical abuse - Dublin 2, Limerick 0. (just unlucky attacks late at night in the city centre - not gay hate attacks though)

Verbal abuse - Limerick 1, Dublin 0. (random boy racers shouting out there car windows at an ex and I while walking home from a night out)

Abuse is just as likely whereever you are.

Uni in Dublin vs. Uni in Limerick - Dublin trumps Limerick for acceptance and open-mindedness. I lived in res in Dublin for 3 years but I have to say that the other students were all very open minded and being gay was never seen as an issue in the college I was in - bear in mind everyone in res was from the country also. Limerick however has a very much underground gay scene and very little gay presence around town/campus. The majority of students in the uni are from surrounding counties and towns. Even though both res' have the same demographic mix the difference in attitudes between Dublin and Limerick is unreal.

In my personal opinion, when students start university generally they have an open mind. They adapt to what is the norm with their new friends and surroundings. Dublin is far more multicultural and diverse than Limerick. Everything goes up there. What they are exposed to shapes their opinions and views. Don't hide who you are. If gay/bi men and women are more visible it breaks down the views that certain people in the society have. And by being more visible I don't mean camping it up. I am open about my sexuality where I see fit but I don't scream from the roof tops. I'd like to think I help give gay men a good name.

Bottom line, I don't think it's right to say there is a difference between people from urban vs rural backgrounds. The difference comes from how open-minded someone is.

If I were you I'd report "an issue with homophobic remarks" to the campus/university. I wouldn't name names or point the finger. The best medicine you can give a bully is niceness. How bad would that guy feel if you turned around some other day and were really polite and nice to him. Don't give anyone ammo to fuel their mis-conceptions about gay men and women. If someone has a problem with a genuinely nice person then others will see through them and they'll end up the fool.

It pays to be nice.

DingosAteMyBaby

Last time this happened to me was after a night out in a fast food restaurant. Some drunk idiot started was being a prick to me so I told him where to go. He proceeded to say "Whatever F/AGGOT" and I laughed and said "Yeah I'm gay so the f*ck what? Your f*cking ugly and pathetic, my life is looking pretty good from where I'm standing":D

Then I squared up to him and my drunkeness got the better of me and I almost beat the living sh*t out of him but my friends dragged me away just in time. Needless to say next time I saw him he apoligised profusely:) Not that I'm advocating violence... but in this case it was enjoyable th show him and his friends (and even my friends) that just because I'm a "f/aggot" doesn't mean I won't kick your ass!

But usually a smart retort like my one puts them in their place and leaves them speechless. If you don't see it as a insult then they are left standing there blanky like the neanderthals they are!

scorpioishere

This people are obviously immature, stupid and doesn't have anything to do with their life than critisising others. If i was you i will tell them to **** off and mind their own business. If you are gay so what, its not the end of the world or its not other people ****ing business. Tell them to go and get a life.

Squaw Crow

I had a pretty similar experience- but it came from one of my roommates friends

At 3.00 in the morning he ran through my apartment hall calling my a dyke and a quote carpet 'cruncher' - *doesn't quite bear thinking about lol*.

It was the straw that broke the camels back and I called out my room mates, one of whom was a homophobic republican from the states.

It felt really good to finally stand up for my self and my sexuality after years of putting up with it in secondary school.

Don't ignore it - stand up for yourself and stand up to those intolerant insecure creatures

Links234

I don't respond to people like that at all. Don't see any sense in giving someone the reaction they're looking for.

DubArk

Squaw Crow wrote: »

..... a quote carpet 'cruncher'...... -

I think you mean a "Carpet Muncher!"

Squaw Crow

DubArk wrote: »

I think you mean a "Carpet Muncher!"

No i mean he called me a carpet cruncher - hence the ouch - looks like he got his homophobic slanders wrong lol

KnifeWRENCH

You should definitely try and ignore it. It isnt worth getting wound up by anyone stupid and ignorant enough to resort to that pathetic insult. Hopefully it'll never happen again.

40040D

keepkeyyellow wrote: »

I can't really complain to the res board because I haven't a clue who they are.

Make sure you find out who they are just in case !
or talk wth the student union.

When I do happen to get called a f/aggot or whatever I usually just laugh it off.

If it gets serious though I'll definitley stand up for myself, don't let people thing they can walk all over you just because you're LGBT.

Hope this all blows over for you though because these people are usually idiots and at the end of the day at least you know that you are better than them :P