Not having a choice in engagement/wedding ring

Faith

Would it bother you if you have no say in picking out your wedding or engagement ring? I'm not talking about your future fiancée buying one to propose to you with, but say there's one passed down through either of your families. Would you be delighted to be included in the tradition? Or would you actually be a bit peeved that you're being forced to wear a ring you might not like at all? Would you be upset that you never got to have the enjoyment of browsing for your perfect ring?

I know a lot of the responses here will probably be along the lines of it being shallow to care, but personally, I'm really picky about rings. I hate gold, and wouldn't wear a gold ring if I could avoid it. If my fiancées mother wanted me to wear her ring, and I hated it, I'd wear it but probably be a bit annoyed. I'd appreciate the gesture, but a wedding or engagement ring is very personal to me, and I'd like to have a say in it.

akamossy

Faith wrote: »

Would it bother you if you have no say in picking out your wedding or engagement ring? I'm not talking about your future fiancée buying one to propose to you with, but say there's one passed down through either of your families. Would you be delighted to be included in the tradition? Or would you actually be a bit peeved that you're being forced to wear a ring you might not like at all? Would you be upset that you never got to have the enjoyment of browsing for your perfect ring?

I know a lot of the responses here will probably be along the lines of it being shallow to care, but personally, I'm really picky about rings. I hate gold, and wouldn't wear a gold ring if I could avoid it. If my fiancées mother wanted me to wear her ring, and I hated it, I'd wear it but probably be a bit annoyed. I'd appreciate the gesture, but a wedding or engagement ring is very personal to me, and I'd like to have a say in it.

Yeah I'd be rather annoyed, I don't really know what I would do to get around it though. I too really hate gold, it would have to be white gold

miss5

Honestly I think if he proposed I would be happy with the ring he had chose
but I wouldn't really want a ring that was hande down from generation to
generation. It wouldn't really bother me to be honest.

Novella

I think a ring that's been in a family for ages would be so sweet. I'm sure if someone gave me a ring that their mother had worn, their grandmother etc., I'd feel really special, regardless of whether or not it was to my taste aesthetically. I wouldn't look at the ring and think, "Oh, great, have to wear this ugly thing now". I guess I'd think how amazing it was that someone felt so much for me that they actually wanted to include me in their family.

I don't think it's shallow to want to pick your own ring though. No, not at all.

princess-lala

Im with Novella on this one, would love a family ring and even if it wasnt to my taste Id be thinking wow what an honour to wear this ring that has been passed down through generations

Now if there was no family ring Id like to think he would know me enough to know what I like and could pick it by himself but if he didnt I wouldnt mind going ring shopping

Acoshla

The ring that will one day be my engagement ring is my grandmother's engagement ring, she died weeks before I was born so I love the idea of having it. My grandparents were very happily married for 25 years until she died suddenly, if I was half as happy with my future husband as they were then I would be lucky, and I like the idea of wearing a ring that previously was worn in a happy marriage. My Mom once asked if I wanted her engagement ring, ehhh, from the marriage of a couple who should never have been together, no thanks, no bad luck charms needed thank you!

My Nan's ring is beautiful as a piece of jewellery (luckily she had fabulous taste and hated gold like me, it's platinum) but even if it was a plain little band I would still want to have it for the sentimentality of it. However her ring is the other end of the scale, far from it being ugly it is gorgeous with 3 HUGE diamonds and is very valuable, wearing it is stressful! Always worried something will happen it.

If I didn't have her ring I don't care what ring I'd have but gold looks awful on me, the only two things that would stop me wearing an heirloom ring from my boyfriends family would be the gold thing and if it came from an unhappy marriage.

I love the idea of heirloom pieces from either family really.

Orla K

I already have an engagement ring and two wedding rings (mothers and granmothers) I really don't care if a guy gives me another or not. If he did want he to have a family ring I'd be inclined to deny it in favour of his brothers/sisters (if he has any) after all what's the point in having two.

Pythia

My boyfriend knows what kind of ring I'd like and I know there are no family rings so if he proposes I know he'll give me something I love. I already have my late granny's engagement ring anyway.

CaliforniaDream

My Dad has given me my mother's ring (not as weird as it sounds!) already, but I think I'd still like to get my own.
I love having my mother's as it reminds me of her everytime I look at it but I'd be afraid of losing it or something.

Plus it's yellow gold and like other posters I'd love to have white gold or platinum.

barleybooley

I wouldn't particularly like it I think but luckily my fingers would be far too chunky for a hand-me-down, the plight of having man-hands

Posy

I too, hate gold jewellery and couldn't wear a gold ring. Or one with a square stone. I wear very little jewellery and it would have to be something personal to me, not something handed down from someone else.
(I would pretend to lose it, splash out on a new one then 'find' it but not wear it anymore due to it being such a precious heirloom. )

Stench Blossoms

For me a deciding factor would be if the ring came from my side of the family or his.

But at the same time I'd prefer to pick my own special ring instead of having to look at some god awful thing for the rest of my life.

Ickle Magoo

I think it would depend on the ring...

In theory I have no issue with getting an heirloom, in fact my o-h proposed with an antique engagement ring & I loved it at first sight - but I can imagine if there was a piece of terribly old fashioned, costume-esque jewellery that I was expected to wear for the next 40+yrs, I wouldn't be too amused.

rannerap

id personally like a ring that was handed down,but only if it was from a happy marriage as previous posters have said!my own parents marriage didnt end well so it would have to from his side

The Lovely Muffin

Personally, it wouldn't bother me whether it was a hand-me-down or a new ring.

Like other posters, I hate gold and won't wear it. I'd prefer white-gold/platium. Also, I am picky and like small diamonds.

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

<snip>

I can imagine if there was a piece of terribly old fashioned, costume-esque jewellery that I was expected to wear for the next 40+yrs, I wouldn't be too amused.

I agree. I'd hate to be given a family ring and then spend the rest of my life wearing it because people expect me too. Then again, if I didn't like the ring/didn't want to wear it, I'd explain to my OH and hope he'd understand.

Chibodee

Personally yeah I agree that albeit the gesture of getting the ring then presenting it when popping the question is romantic/cute, the reality wouldn't be as suck - chances are that he wouldn't pick the ideal ring you want for the rest of your life to wear on a daily basis! It'd be awful to have to fake ethusiasm and look at something everyday that you really didn't like...and no guy that wants to marry you would want that either

I think alot of couples differ in taste anyways particularly when it comes to something as personal as jewellery so it would would be important for the guy to figure out some likes/dislikes if he's adamant on getting it!
I know my own parents and lots of people I know got engaged without the ring and then went and picked one after and there's nothing wrong with that...I think I'd like this idea! I agree with others though about the family heirloom...if it was a grandmothers ring or something I'd totally love that idea - kinda brings you into the family by wearing a ring handed down!:)

skywards

I would be thrilled. I absolutely hate shopping, and ring shopping would put me over the edge of sanity I think. If someone passed me down a ring, I would probably squeal with glee.

Maple

I'd want to pick my own ring and unless I knew and loved the person I don't think i'd be too keen on a heirloom ring either. I'd like to have something new and shiny of my own that I would see as us beginning our own journey of memories rather than inheriting someone else's. If that makes sense?

A friend of mine tried to convince my boyfriend that I'd love to be surprised with a proposal and ring (her now husband had done this to her at the time) and he had the common sense to reject this out of hand. I think his exact words were "Do you know Maple at all? She'd kill me".

lrushe

I bought a ring in a costume shop and my boyfriend has it to base the ring he buys my on so hopefully when he does present me with a ring it will be one I like

cute_cow

It wouldn't bother to to receive a traditional hand down ring, I guess it's just something thats done in some familes.

To be honest, for me, getting engaged is not about getting a ring, and wouldn't even bother me if I didn't have a ring at all. It's not gonna be my main reason for accepting a proposal.

byhookorbycrook

I wanted to get an Icelandic mare, as I don't really like rings or even wearing them...oh well

byhookorbycrook

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I wanted to get an Icelandic mare, as I don't really like rings or even wearing them...oh well

What has a horse got to do with rings?

OP: I wouldn't really like a heirloom type ring I think, especially as I also hate yellow gold. Plus only one ring would leave him left out!
I don't know though. I think picking out our rings together would be fun to do ourselves.