New girlfriend is a bit 'cheap'

LegacyUser

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

6th

You do realise being in a relationship with her is a choice right?

Kasabian

Your 22 , move on.

KittyeeTrix

great but wrote: »

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

I feel a bit sorry for the girl in fairness, can't be nice when your own bloke thinks your "cheap".....
Leave her gently before you give her a complex about herself!!

Some people like loud," cheap" (whatever the hell that means) and smokes like a trooper...I should know, my husband married me and we are together over 18 years...

A world full of proper speaking, immaculately coiffed women would be a pretting boring world as far as I'm concerned!!

Just my 2c

Little Acorn

Why are you with her if you think she's so "cheap"? I think you should finish it, because she deserves better than somebody that looks down on her, as having less "class" than them. I don't see how a relationship like that could ever work, it's one thing having different personality styles that somehow compliment each other, but it's completely different if one person thinks that they are somehow better as a person than the other. Imagine how hurtful it would be for her to discover, that you think she's so cheap that you would be ashamed to introduce her to your family?!
I think you should finish it,citing lack of things in common,or just anything other than actually calling her cheap- I imagine that could hurt a lot,and possibly cause insecurities in her.
She shouldn't have to change her personality just to suit you or your mother.
Find someone you feel more compatible with, maybe someone a little more reserved or into a healthy lifestyle, just whatever it is that you do like,instead of wasting time for both of you.

KittyeeTrix

Little Acorn wrote: »

Why are you with her if you think she's so "cheap"? I think you should finish it, because she deserves better than somebody that looks down on her, as having less "class" than them. I don't see how a relationship like that could ever work, it's one thing having different personality styles that somehow compliment each other, but it's completely different if one person thinks that they are somehow better as a person than the other. Imagine how hurtful it would be for her to discover, that you think she's so cheap that you would be ashamed to introduce her to your family?!
I think you should finish it,citing lack of things in common,or just anything other than actually calling her cheap- I imagine that could hurt a lot,and possibly cause insecurities in her.
She shouldn't have to change her personality just to suit you or your mother.
Find someone you feel more compatible with, maybe someone a little more reserved or into a healthy lifestyle, just whatever it is that you do like,instead of wasting time for both of you.

You explained that soooo much better than me Little acorn:)

Little Acorn

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

You explained that soooo much better than me Little acorn:)

Ah no not really, by the time I'd typed mine your's was already up and we seem to have the same opinion on it. I agree with you that a world full of "perfect" women would be boring, kind of like a lifetime of "stepford wives!":)

zxcvbnm1

Personally i see nothing wrong with someone looking down on someone else - or looking up to someone else.
Lets face it - we all have opinions of oiurselves relative to everyone else and how we stand in society.
Anyone who says otherwise is talking nonsense.
Some people you feel inferior to - and others you feel superior to.

OP - my advice is to break up with her. The reason being you will probably always conscious of this cheapness and as a result will never fall for her big time.
There's plenty of people out there that will match your standards.

Keep fishing i say.

Emme

It sounds like this girl is quite extrovert, too much so for the OP. Different strokes for different folks, if he's not happy they should go their separate ways and she'll find lots of guys who'll love her for what she is.

Darlughda

Would you not consider looking at yourself OP, and consider that maybe that you hold judgement values like 'cheap' about somebody speaks volumes more about your true character than this girl?

Wouldn't bring her home to your Mother? D'ya really need Mammy's approval?

Smokes 2 cigs an hours. Jayzus she is outta control, watch yourself before she kills you with the passive smoking.

Loud voice and won't tone it down a notch. She sounds like good fun and expressive.

To be honest, she sounds like good craic. She could do better for herself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

She's not going to change.

If you don't think it'll work out move on. I think if you really really liked her this wouldn't bother you so much.

bigjohnny80

It sounds like ye are incompatible so move on.

TBH she sounds like great craic.... but you're not into it and if I was her I'd probably find it offensive for you to ask me to 'tone down' just to keep you happy.

She's not 'cheap' perhaps just a bit too comfortable in herself for you

The Sweeper

I wouldn't have said there was anything cheap about champagne at 11am.

Six cans of Dutch Gold and 20 Johnnie Blue now, would be another matter entirely...

metrovelvet

She sounds like a lot of fun.

Cheap Thrills!

I've never actually heard a young man use the word 'cheap' in relation to a woman before. When used to describe a woman it always strikes me as an archaic term that would fall from the lips of some ancient dowager!

Aaaaaanyway, OP you need to get some opinions of your own and forget what Mummikins thinks, because if she uses phrases like 'cheap' to describe people, then girls she will like could well be simpering sops.

Snobbishness is an embarassing hangover you should really hide. Its not cool, its stupid, not to mention unmasculine.

As for the girl, let her go, champers at 11am, she sounds waaaay to much fun for you.

metrovelvet

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I've never actually heard a young man use the word 'cheap' in relation to a woman before. When used to describe a woman it always strikes me as an archaic term that would fall from the lips of some ancient dowager!

Aaaaaanyway, OP you need to get some opinions of your own and forget what Mummikins thinks, because if she uses phrases like 'cheap' to describe people, then girls she will like could well be simpering sops.

Snobbishness is an embarassing hangover you should really hide. Its not cool, its stupid, not to mention unmasculine.

As for the girl, let her go, champers at 11am, she sounds waaaay to much fun for you.

I believe the correct word is "common."

KittyeeTrix

She sounds like excactly the kind of girl I would like my lads to bring home in a few years.....
Not some mousey thing in the corner but a girl who makes herself heard and will live her life and have a little fun......
Again, it's different strokes for different folks. My sister would be mortified if her son brought home the same type of girl, she would think her "common/cheap"!!!!
That said, my sister has very few friends after 32 years on this planet, mainly because she looks down on people, rather than enjoying the difference between them....

macca1983

great but wrote: »

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

She sounds dreadful and i know exactly the type you are talking about! You probably do like her but you can't reconcile your own beliefs (women should have a bit of class) with her behaviour. Dump her is my advice - her behaviour will always irritate you and you can't change her.

Emme

macca1983 wrote: »

She sounds dreadful and i know exactly the type you are talking about! You probably do like her but you can't reconcile your own beliefs (women should have a bit of class) with her behaviour. Dump her is my advice - her behaviour will always irritate you and you can't change her.

I knew fellas like the OP in my day. Real Jekyll-Hyde types. Guys that want a girl to sit with her knees together, ankles crossed, wearing a frilly blouse buttoned up to the neck, eyes downwards looking at her sensible shoes, sipping an orange juice. That's in public.

Behind closed doors he will probably rip her frilly blouse off and expect the girl to be a whore in the bedroom. But he wouldn't dare show affection in public for fear of what mammy would think.

Warped :rolleyes:

As for "class" what a load of crap. Some of the biggest party girls come from blue-blood backgrounds - e.g. Rosanna Davison!

pookie82

Wow, I haven't seen preaching like this in a long time. "She sounds like great fun, much too good for the likes of you OP" etc etc.

How the hell can anyone on here tell that? She smokes two cigarettes an hour and talks really loudly....how is that fun? People who talk loudly really annoy me and are often attention seekers. She drinks at 11am so I guess in this country that makes her "great oul craic" and not someone who doesn't have sensible alcohol boundaries, right?

OP if you don't like the type of girl you're with, leave her. You're entitled to your opinion and your standards and if you think she's a bit too common then break up with her.

I really hate this preachy sh*te that starts "oh she's probably better than you, she sounds great, who are you to judge" etc. They're incompatible and she sounds like she's a bit crass and a loud mouth - not to the OPs taste. So get rid.

krudler

Its just a simple incompatibility really, she's not gonna change, you're not going to turn around and suddenly like her behaviour, so you'd both be better off with someone who is a better match.

People do get up on awfully high horses in topics like this, if the op was the girl and she said her new guy was a prude for not wanting to drink at 11am, people would be telling her to get help for her apparent alchohol problem. I wouldnt date someone who smoked either, does that make me a prude? At least I wont have a partner smelling of stale fags all day.

xzanti

great but wrote: »

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She sounds like my kinda gal

barbiegirl

I'm loud and on a holiday if I fancied a glass of Champagne I'd have one no matter the time, if I'm not driving. Does that make me common.
I also have an honours degree, nice clothes, good job, car and house all the things your mum would like, so does that make me now more acceptable?
The point being there's more to people than what the OP sees as common or cheap.
My hubbie is much quieter than me, but we compliment one another and his parents have got used to me, they kind of had to cause he loves me, as me, not wanting to change me.
OP break up with the girl because you show a complete lack of respect and EVERY person deserves respect from their other half. Otherwise she'll realise what's going on, get hurt and probably dump you.

pookie82

barbiegirl wrote: »

I'm loud and on a holiday if I fancied a glass of Champagne I'd have one no matter the time, if I'm not driving. Does that make me common.
I also have an honours degree, nice clothes, good job, car and house all the things your mum would like, so does that make me now more acceptable?
The point being there's more to people than what the OP sees as common or cheap.
My hubbie is much quieter than me, but we compliment one another and his parents have got used to me, they kind of had to cause he loves me, as me, not wanting to change me.
OP break up with the girl because you show a complete lack of respect and EVERY person deserves respect from their other half. Otherwise she'll realise what's going on, get hurt and probably dump you.

It's nice that although your husband is quieter than you you two work well together. That doesn't mean that everyone should like or accept loud people. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with her behaviour. He never mentioned that she was on holiday when she knocked back a drink at 11am.

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

I had a house mate once who embarrassed me no end. She was really loud, always yelling in groups to make herself heard, always got really drunk and made a show of us on nights out, she was really crude and talked about sex non stop. I hated introducing her to anyone because they'd look at me like "what the hell are you doing with this eejit?" etc. What did I do? Moved house and stopped hanging out with her. The girl was a pain in the arse. These people do exist you know, and recognising the fact does not make you in some way evil.

macca1983

A lot of ladies are reacting badly here - basically because it has hit a nerve. If you don't find some behaviour acceptable that is your own belief.

Since when do we have to accept all different types of behaviour? I don't think you should look down on her, but if that is not your type that is your own choice.

Personally there is nothing worse than a woman who is loud and likes a drink.

Floppybits

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh I dunno, what about a loud, sleazy, over-bearing bloke that can't handle his drink and won't take no for an answer?

Would ya go out with him?

I think the OP maybe hasn't made the correct choice in word to describe the girl and calling her cheap is not nice. However from what the OP said basically that the girl is loud and he doesn't like that, simple, no need for people to get up on their high horse. OP simply break up with her. This is what dating is all about, its about finding the person you feel right with and if this persons behaviour is something that you don't feel right with then call it quits and date someone else.

There is a bit of a double standard going on in here where as a guy says he doesn't like a loud girl or a fat girl or a quiet girl and he gets slated by other women saying she's too go for you and all that crap. Then you get a woman writing in saying I dont like this guy because he is fat, he is too quiet, he doesnt drink, he eats too loud and what happens the girl gets told to ask him to change, none of the usual oh he is too good for you like a guy would get. Its time for a fairness here. rant over. :mad:

pookie82

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh I dunno, what about a loud, sleazy, over-bearing bloke that can't handle his drink and won't take no for an answer?

And if you refused to go out with him, would you expect people to tell you to get over yourself, stop judging him and that he deserved better anyway?

Double standards being spouted around here are shocking.

I've been in groups of girls where they were really loud, liked nothing more than going out and getting absolutely trolleyed, knocking back pints and being generally laddish.

There's nothing wrong with a guy who doesn't like that.

Now the OP didn't indicate that his OH is that extreme but there seems to be an attitude amongst women nowadays that they can and should act just like a pack of boisterous guys and maintain their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Some will still be into that, some won't. A guy who doesn't like a loud girl who fancies her drink a bit too much should not be slated for it.

PS I'm female for the record.

I am puzzled as to why the OP is going out with a girl he considers cheap and tacky. It's not like he HAS to. I am equally puzzled as to why everyone assumes this girl, who does sound like a crass loudmouth, is 'loads of fun' and that quieter girls are boring and crap in bed (what a leap!) I've known plenty of that type and they are generally really annoying and attention seeking. I have a male friend who is currently going out with a girl like this and absolutely everyone asks us what the hell he's thinking when they meet her for the first time. And we're not a bunch of Cafe-en-Seine going snobs, far from it. I just appreciate a bit of class and modesty in either sex. I've met guys who expect their gfs to be innocent virgins and defer to them in public, but OP doesn't sound like that, just sounds like he's embarrassed by her slightly loutish behaviour. You can have a cheeky sense of humour and be a whore in the bedroom without broadcasting it to all and sundry, which IMO, is common and unattractive.

barbiegirl

pookie82 wrote: »

It's nice that although your husband is quieter than you you two work well together. That doesn't mean that everyone should like or accept loud people. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with her behaviour. He never mentioned that she was on holiday when she knocked back a drink at 11am.

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

I had a house mate once who embarrassed me no end. She was really loud, always yelling in groups to make herself heard, always got really drunk and made a show of us on nights out, she was really crude and talked about sex non stop. I hated introducing her to anyone because they'd look at me like "what the hell are you doing with this eejit?" etc. What did I do? Moved house and stopped hanging out with her. The girl was a pain in the arse. These people do exist you know, and recognising the fact does not make you in some way evil.

First read the initial post the OP clearly says they were on holidays.
Second the important bit of this post is that both parties must give respect to work or they don't work. His description indicates that he does NOT respect her, that is a must for a relationship to work, and therefore rather than waste his/hers and everyone elses time, it is best to call it a day.
Third I never indicated he was a bad person just that they didn't work due to the reason above
Fourth the op never mentioned anything as extreme as your house mate
Fifth essentially your advice is the same as nearly everyone else here, that it is time to call it a day

reprazant

pookie82 wrote: »

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

True.

But then he did call a girl he said he liked 'cheap'.

Would you liked to be called cheap?

if he doesn't like some of her characteristics, then he shouldn't go out with her. But he says he likes her and then calls her cheap.

But I guess I m just getting on my 'high horse' by thinking that is out of order.

pookie82

barbiegirl wrote: »

First read the initial post the OP clearly says they were on holidays.
Second the important bit of this post is that both parties must give respect to work or they don't work. His description indicates that he does NOT respect her, that is a must for a relationship to work, and therefore rather than waste his/hers and everyone elses time, it is best to call it a day.
Third I never indicated he was a bad person just that they didn't work due to the reason above
Fourth the op never mentioned anything as extreme as your house mate
Fifth essentially your advice is the same as nearly everyone else here, that it is time to call it a day

I don't take out for a sunday walk in a tourist town as on holidays - sounds like they were out for an afternoon walk, not abroad or anything. Though obviously I'm open to correction on that.

I acknowledged that my examples were more extreme than his OH.

Yes, my ultimate advice is to dump her. But not because she's "too good for him" and a "great laugh" etc and "deserves better".

I think he should dump her because it is ok not to find that attractive. people on here are trying to make him feel bad as well as giving advice and I think that's really silly.