New girlfriend is a bit 'cheap'

LegacyUser

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

6th

You do realise being in a relationship with her is a choice right?

Kasabian

Your 22 , move on.

KittyeeTrix

great but wrote: »

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

I feel a bit sorry for the girl in fairness, can't be nice when your own bloke thinks your "cheap".....
Leave her gently before you give her a complex about herself!!

Some people like loud," cheap" (whatever the hell that means) and smokes like a trooper...I should know, my husband married me and we are together over 18 years...

A world full of proper speaking, immaculately coiffed women would be a pretting boring world as far as I'm concerned!!

Just my 2c

Little Acorn

Why are you with her if you think she's so "cheap"? I think you should finish it, because she deserves better than somebody that looks down on her, as having less "class" than them. I don't see how a relationship like that could ever work, it's one thing having different personality styles that somehow compliment each other, but it's completely different if one person thinks that they are somehow better as a person than the other. Imagine how hurtful it would be for her to discover, that you think she's so cheap that you would be ashamed to introduce her to your family?!
I think you should finish it,citing lack of things in common,or just anything other than actually calling her cheap- I imagine that could hurt a lot,and possibly cause insecurities in her.
She shouldn't have to change her personality just to suit you or your mother.
Find someone you feel more compatible with, maybe someone a little more reserved or into a healthy lifestyle, just whatever it is that you do like,instead of wasting time for both of you.

KittyeeTrix

Little Acorn wrote: »

Why are you with her if you think she's so "cheap"? I think you should finish it, because she deserves better than somebody that looks down on her, as having less "class" than them. I don't see how a relationship like that could ever work, it's one thing having different personality styles that somehow compliment each other, but it's completely different if one person thinks that they are somehow better as a person than the other. Imagine how hurtful it would be for her to discover, that you think she's so cheap that you would be ashamed to introduce her to your family?!
I think you should finish it,citing lack of things in common,or just anything other than actually calling her cheap- I imagine that could hurt a lot,and possibly cause insecurities in her.
She shouldn't have to change her personality just to suit you or your mother.
Find someone you feel more compatible with, maybe someone a little more reserved or into a healthy lifestyle, just whatever it is that you do like,instead of wasting time for both of you.

You explained that soooo much better than me Little acorn:)

Little Acorn

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

You explained that soooo much better than me Little acorn:)

Ah no not really, by the time I'd typed mine your's was already up and we seem to have the same opinion on it. I agree with you that a world full of "perfect" women would be boring, kind of like a lifetime of "stepford wives!":)

zxcvbnm1

Personally i see nothing wrong with someone looking down on someone else - or looking up to someone else.
Lets face it - we all have opinions of oiurselves relative to everyone else and how we stand in society.
Anyone who says otherwise is talking nonsense.
Some people you feel inferior to - and others you feel superior to.

OP - my advice is to break up with her. The reason being you will probably always conscious of this cheapness and as a result will never fall for her big time.
There's plenty of people out there that will match your standards.

Keep fishing i say.

Emme

It sounds like this girl is quite extrovert, too much so for the OP. Different strokes for different folks, if he's not happy they should go their separate ways and she'll find lots of guys who'll love her for what she is.

Darlughda

Would you not consider looking at yourself OP, and consider that maybe that you hold judgement values like 'cheap' about somebody speaks volumes more about your true character than this girl?

Wouldn't bring her home to your Mother? D'ya really need Mammy's approval?

Smokes 2 cigs an hours. Jayzus she is outta control, watch yourself before she kills you with the passive smoking.

Loud voice and won't tone it down a notch. She sounds like good fun and expressive.

To be honest, she sounds like good craic. She could do better for herself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

She's not going to change.

If you don't think it'll work out move on. I think if you really really liked her this wouldn't bother you so much.

bigjohnny80

It sounds like ye are incompatible so move on.

TBH she sounds like great craic.... but you're not into it and if I was her I'd probably find it offensive for you to ask me to 'tone down' just to keep you happy.

She's not 'cheap' perhaps just a bit too comfortable in herself for you

The Sweeper

I wouldn't have said there was anything cheap about champagne at 11am.

Six cans of Dutch Gold and 20 Johnnie Blue now, would be another matter entirely...

metrovelvet

She sounds like a lot of fun.

Cheap Thrills!

I've never actually heard a young man use the word 'cheap' in relation to a woman before. When used to describe a woman it always strikes me as an archaic term that would fall from the lips of some ancient dowager!

Aaaaaanyway, OP you need to get some opinions of your own and forget what Mummikins thinks, because if she uses phrases like 'cheap' to describe people, then girls she will like could well be simpering sops.

Snobbishness is an embarassing hangover you should really hide. Its not cool, its stupid, not to mention unmasculine.

As for the girl, let her go, champers at 11am, she sounds waaaay to much fun for you.

metrovelvet

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

I've never actually heard a young man use the word 'cheap' in relation to a woman before. When used to describe a woman it always strikes me as an archaic term that would fall from the lips of some ancient dowager!

Aaaaaanyway, OP you need to get some opinions of your own and forget what Mummikins thinks, because if she uses phrases like 'cheap' to describe people, then girls she will like could well be simpering sops.

Snobbishness is an embarassing hangover you should really hide. Its not cool, its stupid, not to mention unmasculine.

As for the girl, let her go, champers at 11am, she sounds waaaay to much fun for you.

I believe the correct word is "common."

KittyeeTrix

She sounds like excactly the kind of girl I would like my lads to bring home in a few years.....
Not some mousey thing in the corner but a girl who makes herself heard and will live her life and have a little fun......
Again, it's different strokes for different folks. My sister would be mortified if her son brought home the same type of girl, she would think her "common/cheap"!!!!
That said, my sister has very few friends after 32 years on this planet, mainly because she looks down on people, rather than enjoying the difference between them....

macca1983

great but wrote: »

I really like this girl we're both 22 but... I'm wondering if she is a bit 'cheap', and bear with me on this I'm not Mr Suave but.... to put it plainly she's not the kind of person I'd be happy to bring home to my mother

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She smokes about 2 cigarettes an hour

Talks loudly, and can't get the 'tone it down a notch' hint and when I asked she said something like 'live a little' now that sounds good, like push the boat out, let loose you hair, but in reality its just loud

opinions?

She sounds dreadful and i know exactly the type you are talking about! You probably do like her but you can't reconcile your own beliefs (women should have a bit of class) with her behaviour. Dump her is my advice - her behaviour will always irritate you and you can't change her.

Emme

macca1983 wrote: »

She sounds dreadful and i know exactly the type you are talking about! You probably do like her but you can't reconcile your own beliefs (women should have a bit of class) with her behaviour. Dump her is my advice - her behaviour will always irritate you and you can't change her.

I knew fellas like the OP in my day. Real Jekyll-Hyde types. Guys that want a girl to sit with her knees together, ankles crossed, wearing a frilly blouse buttoned up to the neck, eyes downwards looking at her sensible shoes, sipping an orange juice. That's in public.

Behind closed doors he will probably rip her frilly blouse off and expect the girl to be a whore in the bedroom. But he wouldn't dare show affection in public for fear of what mammy would think.

Warped :rolleyes:

As for "class" what a load of crap. Some of the biggest party girls come from blue-blood backgrounds - e.g. Rosanna Davison!

pookie82

Wow, I haven't seen preaching like this in a long time. "She sounds like great fun, much too good for the likes of you OP" etc etc.

How the hell can anyone on here tell that? She smokes two cigarettes an hour and talks really loudly....how is that fun? People who talk loudly really annoy me and are often attention seekers. She drinks at 11am so I guess in this country that makes her "great oul craic" and not someone who doesn't have sensible alcohol boundaries, right?

OP if you don't like the type of girl you're with, leave her. You're entitled to your opinion and your standards and if you think she's a bit too common then break up with her.

I really hate this preachy sh*te that starts "oh she's probably better than you, she sounds great, who are you to judge" etc. They're incompatible and she sounds like she's a bit crass and a loud mouth - not to the OPs taste. So get rid.

krudler

Its just a simple incompatibility really, she's not gonna change, you're not going to turn around and suddenly like her behaviour, so you'd both be better off with someone who is a better match.

People do get up on awfully high horses in topics like this, if the op was the girl and she said her new guy was a prude for not wanting to drink at 11am, people would be telling her to get help for her apparent alchohol problem. I wouldnt date someone who smoked either, does that make me a prude? At least I wont have a partner smelling of stale fags all day.

xzanti

great but wrote: »

She thinks nothing is wrong with drinking champagne at 11am (we were out for a walk on a sunny day in a tourist town and went in to a pub to sit down)

She sounds like my kinda gal

barbiegirl

I'm loud and on a holiday if I fancied a glass of Champagne I'd have one no matter the time, if I'm not driving. Does that make me common.
I also have an honours degree, nice clothes, good job, car and house all the things your mum would like, so does that make me now more acceptable?
The point being there's more to people than what the OP sees as common or cheap.
My hubbie is much quieter than me, but we compliment one another and his parents have got used to me, they kind of had to cause he loves me, as me, not wanting to change me.
OP break up with the girl because you show a complete lack of respect and EVERY person deserves respect from their other half. Otherwise she'll realise what's going on, get hurt and probably dump you.

pookie82

barbiegirl wrote: »

I'm loud and on a holiday if I fancied a glass of Champagne I'd have one no matter the time, if I'm not driving. Does that make me common.
I also have an honours degree, nice clothes, good job, car and house all the things your mum would like, so does that make me now more acceptable?
The point being there's more to people than what the OP sees as common or cheap.
My hubbie is much quieter than me, but we compliment one another and his parents have got used to me, they kind of had to cause he loves me, as me, not wanting to change me.
OP break up with the girl because you show a complete lack of respect and EVERY person deserves respect from their other half. Otherwise she'll realise what's going on, get hurt and probably dump you.

It's nice that although your husband is quieter than you you two work well together. That doesn't mean that everyone should like or accept loud people. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with her behaviour. He never mentioned that she was on holiday when she knocked back a drink at 11am.

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

I had a house mate once who embarrassed me no end. She was really loud, always yelling in groups to make herself heard, always got really drunk and made a show of us on nights out, she was really crude and talked about sex non stop. I hated introducing her to anyone because they'd look at me like "what the hell are you doing with this eejit?" etc. What did I do? Moved house and stopped hanging out with her. The girl was a pain in the arse. These people do exist you know, and recognising the fact does not make you in some way evil.

macca1983

A lot of ladies are reacting badly here - basically because it has hit a nerve. If you don't find some behaviour acceptable that is your own belief.

Since when do we have to accept all different types of behaviour? I don't think you should look down on her, but if that is not your type that is your own choice.

Personally there is nothing worse than a woman who is loud and likes a drink.

Floppybits

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh I dunno, what about a loud, sleazy, over-bearing bloke that can't handle his drink and won't take no for an answer?

Would ya go out with him?

I think the OP maybe hasn't made the correct choice in word to describe the girl and calling her cheap is not nice. However from what the OP said basically that the girl is loud and he doesn't like that, simple, no need for people to get up on their high horse. OP simply break up with her. This is what dating is all about, its about finding the person you feel right with and if this persons behaviour is something that you don't feel right with then call it quits and date someone else.

There is a bit of a double standard going on in here where as a guy says he doesn't like a loud girl or a fat girl or a quiet girl and he gets slated by other women saying she's too go for you and all that crap. Then you get a woman writing in saying I dont like this guy because he is fat, he is too quiet, he doesnt drink, he eats too loud and what happens the girl gets told to ask him to change, none of the usual oh he is too good for you like a guy would get. Its time for a fairness here. rant over. :mad:

pookie82

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh I dunno, what about a loud, sleazy, over-bearing bloke that can't handle his drink and won't take no for an answer?

And if you refused to go out with him, would you expect people to tell you to get over yourself, stop judging him and that he deserved better anyway?

Double standards being spouted around here are shocking.

I've been in groups of girls where they were really loud, liked nothing more than going out and getting absolutely trolleyed, knocking back pints and being generally laddish.

There's nothing wrong with a guy who doesn't like that.

Now the OP didn't indicate that his OH is that extreme but there seems to be an attitude amongst women nowadays that they can and should act just like a pack of boisterous guys and maintain their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Some will still be into that, some won't. A guy who doesn't like a loud girl who fancies her drink a bit too much should not be slated for it.

PS I'm female for the record.

I am puzzled as to why the OP is going out with a girl he considers cheap and tacky. It's not like he HAS to. I am equally puzzled as to why everyone assumes this girl, who does sound like a crass loudmouth, is 'loads of fun' and that quieter girls are boring and crap in bed (what a leap!) I've known plenty of that type and they are generally really annoying and attention seeking. I have a male friend who is currently going out with a girl like this and absolutely everyone asks us what the hell he's thinking when they meet her for the first time. And we're not a bunch of Cafe-en-Seine going snobs, far from it. I just appreciate a bit of class and modesty in either sex. I've met guys who expect their gfs to be innocent virgins and defer to them in public, but OP doesn't sound like that, just sounds like he's embarrassed by her slightly loutish behaviour. You can have a cheeky sense of humour and be a whore in the bedroom without broadcasting it to all and sundry, which IMO, is common and unattractive.

barbiegirl

pookie82 wrote: »

It's nice that although your husband is quieter than you you two work well together. That doesn't mean that everyone should like or accept loud people. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with her behaviour. He never mentioned that she was on holiday when she knocked back a drink at 11am.

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

I had a house mate once who embarrassed me no end. She was really loud, always yelling in groups to make herself heard, always got really drunk and made a show of us on nights out, she was really crude and talked about sex non stop. I hated introducing her to anyone because they'd look at me like "what the hell are you doing with this eejit?" etc. What did I do? Moved house and stopped hanging out with her. The girl was a pain in the arse. These people do exist you know, and recognising the fact does not make you in some way evil.

First read the initial post the OP clearly says they were on holidays.
Second the important bit of this post is that both parties must give respect to work or they don't work. His description indicates that he does NOT respect her, that is a must for a relationship to work, and therefore rather than waste his/hers and everyone elses time, it is best to call it a day.
Third I never indicated he was a bad person just that they didn't work due to the reason above
Fourth the op never mentioned anything as extreme as your house mate
Fifth essentially your advice is the same as nearly everyone else here, that it is time to call it a day

reprazant

pookie82 wrote: »

I really dislike the way someone comes on here and professes not to like something about their other half and people start getting all self righteous going "dump him/her, he/she is too good for you anyway and deserves someone better!" How the hell do you know??? I think the high horse brigade should give it a rest and stop lambasting people because they understandably aren't attracted to certain characteristics.

True.

But then he did call a girl he said he liked 'cheap'.

Would you liked to be called cheap?

if he doesn't like some of her characteristics, then he shouldn't go out with her. But he says he likes her and then calls her cheap.

But I guess I m just getting on my 'high horse' by thinking that is out of order.

pookie82

barbiegirl wrote: »

First read the initial post the OP clearly says they were on holidays.
Second the important bit of this post is that both parties must give respect to work or they don't work. His description indicates that he does NOT respect her, that is a must for a relationship to work, and therefore rather than waste his/hers and everyone elses time, it is best to call it a day.
Third I never indicated he was a bad person just that they didn't work due to the reason above
Fourth the op never mentioned anything as extreme as your house mate
Fifth essentially your advice is the same as nearly everyone else here, that it is time to call it a day

I don't take out for a sunday walk in a tourist town as on holidays - sounds like they were out for an afternoon walk, not abroad or anything. Though obviously I'm open to correction on that.

I acknowledged that my examples were more extreme than his OH.

Yes, my ultimate advice is to dump her. But not because she's "too good for him" and a "great laugh" etc and "deserves better".

I think he should dump her because it is ok not to find that attractive. people on here are trying to make him feel bad as well as giving advice and I think that's really silly.

pookie82

reprazant wrote: »

True.

But then he did call a girl he said he liked 'cheap'.

Would you liked to be called cheap?

if he doesn't like some of her characteristics, then he shouldn't go out with her. But he says he likes her and then calls her cheap.

But I guess I m just getting on my 'high horse' by thinking that is out of order.

I'd call a spade a spade to be honest. We've no reason to believe she's not cheap. Is it a nice thing to call someone? No. Do some girls act like it? Yes.

Depends on what your interpretation of "cheap" is really. Not sure how he means it. Like does he mean "common", or "unfeminine" or "easy"? I presume it's the second but again I could be wrong unless he elaborates.

LegacyUser

I personally think that a man who makes a big deal out of dividing the first date bill is such a turn off. But I don't think it's something most men want to hear. And I doubt there would be so many understanding replies if I started a thread entitled 'New boyfriend is a bit cheap'. (Unlike the OP, I wouldn't waste my time starting a thread about it-I just wouldn't go out with him again)

Men paying for everything is after all an unspoken rule, much like women should be demure is an unspoken rule.

Calling a man cheap hits him where it hurts ie he's not a good provider. Calling a woman cheap hits her where it hurts ie she has no self respect.

I think starting a thread and calling your girlfriend cheap is cheap in itself, and highlights the OP's bitterness towards women in general

dudara

Wow, there's a lot of eulogising going on here. Can I remind people that they've never met either individual in question, so we can't make comments.

OP - all I can say is, do you like this girl? Or do you think these traits of her are things that you can accept?

What do I think based on your comments?

Drinking at 11am - we've all done that on occasion to celebrate. Once-off is fine. If it's a regular event, well, that's another story. You haven't differentiated between the two cases.

Smoking - big personal turn-off for me. Is it a turn off for you?

Loudness - it is unattractive if a person is unaware of their loudness. Shrieking and shouting in public is nasty. But again, you haven't said how often she is loud.

meganj

I'm loud, not obnoxiously or anything but I am loud mostly when I'm talking about something passionately, it drives my OH spare, he's always telling me to shush. My OH on the other hand, is quite quiet unless he knows the people very well or he has a few drinks on him. He can be a smug SOB sometimes but he's my smug SOB. It works for us but it doesn't work for everyone.

Sounds like the OP and his woman don't really match up and that's fine, I think 'cheap' is a little harsh which is probably why people are reacting to it so badly.

To be honest OP I don't think your treating yourself or this woman fairly, if your sitting there staring at her thinking "jaysus she's very cheap" instead of "she's great craic" or whatever then your relationship isn't really going to work, you both need to find people that you mesh with otherwise your just going to end up driving each other nuts and then it'll all end in tears.

KnocKnocKnock

pookie82 wrote: »

"She sounds like great fun, much too good for the likes of you OP" etc etc.

How the hell can anyone on here tell that? She smokes two cigarettes an hour and talks really loudly....how is that fun? People who talk loudly really annoy me and are often attention seekers. She drinks at 11am so I guess in this country that makes her "great oul craic"

OP if you don't like the type of girl you're with, leave her.

+ 100 000 000!!! Thank you!!

macca1983

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh I dunno, what about a loud, sleazy, over-bearing bloke that can't handle his drink and won't take no for an answer?

I'd imagine as a female there is nothing worse.

Some of the women around here are being very defensive.

krudler

unregistered wrote: »

I personally think that a man who makes a big deal out of dividing the first date bill is such a turn off. But I don't think it's something most men want to hear. And I doubt there would be so many understanding replies if I started a thread entitled 'New boyfriend is a bit cheap'. (Unlike the OP, I wouldn't waste my time starting a thread about it-I just wouldn't go out with him again)

Men paying for everything is after all an unspoken rule, much like women should be demure is an unspoken rule.

Calling a man cheap hits him where it hurts ie he's not a good provider. Calling a woman cheap hits her where it hurts ie she has no self respect.

I think starting a thread and calling your girlfriend cheap is cheap in itself, and highlights the OP's bitterness towards women in general

sorry what now? are women incapable of paying for themselves all of a sudden? unspoken rule my arse, I pay for things at times, my missus pays for things at times, mostly we split it, simples.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I think you need to call it a day.

It's no fun going out with someone who makes you feel embarrassed or uneasy - or that you have vastly differing ideas of etiquette or social nuance from. I'm not sure that basing your gf choice on what your mother would approve of is a particularly good idea but if the relationship is not making you happy then it's silly to keep plodding on with it.

Best of luck.

PK2008

Its obvious that the OP is incompatible with this girl and should move on- thats well established now I think.

The problem with the OP's question though is the description of a human being (a person he is seeing no less) as 'cheap', thats pretty dehumanising, which shows as much a lack of class on his part as anyone elses.

Redpunto

By cheap do you mean she wont buy anything and gets everybody else to buy stuff for her, so you mean shes a knacker or that shes a skanger (??) ......she sounds like a laugh to me but if you're feeling like that and youre embarrased by her then why are you going out with her.

Eve_Dublin

Whether the girl is irritating is irrelevant....this guy called his girlfriend "cheap". He called HIS GIRLFRIEND cheap!!

I was a party animal at 22...now at 29 I've settled down but I've no regrets that I did everything I probably shouldn't have and had a lot of fun in the process. This girl is young, probably a student and is just having the craic and experimenting with who she is while she can and I salute that. Not to be negative here but she has years of drudgery, responsibility and complying to what society expects of her in the years to come.

zxcvbnm1

Presumably teh OP means teh girl in question is basically too common for him.

Presumably he is currently going out with her because she has other great qualities which nearly override this common trait she has - but clearly this common thing does get in teh way for him.

I seriously don't see what the problem people have with the OP here.
Maybe his examples weren't the best - but i presume thegeneral problem is that generally he just finds her a bit common for him.

Whats wrong with that?

Are members of teh pc brigade seriously tryuing to suggest that they would find no one on this planet too common or brash for them when trying to find a partner?
If you can answer that question honestly with a 'no' then fair play to you.

But if you're like the rest of the world the your answer is probably 'yes'.

In which case get off your high horse.

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Whether the girl is irritating is irrelevant....this guy called his girlfriend "cheap". He called HIS GIRLFRIEND cheap!!

I was a party animal at 22...now at 29 I've settled down but I've no regrets that I did everything I probably shouldn't have and had a lot of fun in the process. This girl is young, probably a student and is just having the craic and experimenting with who she is while she can and I salute that. Not to be negative here but she has years of drudgery, responsibility and complying to what society expects of her in the years to come.

You can have plenty of fun without being trashy and loudmouthed. It's not an age thing, the type he seems to be talking about remain like that into middle age. I went to primary school in England and loads of my friends' parents were Essex girls and used to turn up at the school gates in white jeans two sizes too tight, belly tops, stilettos, orange foundation, fags hanging out of their mouths and having inappropriate conversations at full volume. That's what I imagine he means. There were a few girls in my year in college who insisted on being crude all the time, burping out loud, boasting about sexual exploits, trying to be 'ladettes' or whatever it's called now. Most people just found it crass and rude. I'm a girl but if I were a guy, they were the kind of girl I wouldn't take home to Mammy. It's not that most guys even care what Mammy thinks, it's the fact you want to be able to bring your partner home and not be making excuses for their behaviour. Most people can be crazy and have fun and do naughty things and still come across as classy and respectful in everyday life and not like they were raised in a barn.

gavney1

All this talk of whether or not the OP's GF behaviour is ok or not is irrelevant. Equally irrelevant is whether the OP is being condescending or not.

OP, the point is that you simply don't like alot of her behaviour - correct? I really doubt that it's going to change and it would be unfair to ask her to change. It sounds like you aren't compatible, so just end it.

Emme

[quote=[Deleted User];65505494]You can have plenty of fun without being trashy and loudmouthed. It's not an age thing, the type he seems to be talking about remain like that into middle age. I went to primary school in England and loads of my friends' parents were Essex girls and used to turn up at the school gates in white jeans two sizes too tight, belly tops, stilettos, orange foundation, fags hanging out of their mouths and having inappropriate conversations at full volume. That's what I imagine he means. There were a few girls in my year in college who insisted on being crude all the time, burping out loud, boasting about sexual exploits, trying to be 'ladettes' or whatever it's called now. Most people just found it crass and rude. [/QUOTE]

That's their choice. Not everyone would like that and if the OP doesn't like that in his girlfriend he should move on and stop moaning.

Eve_Dublin

[quote=[Deleted User];65505494]You can have plenty of fun without being trashy and loudmouthed. It's not an age thing, the type he seems to be talking about remain like that into middle age. I went to primary school in England and loads of my friends' parents were Essex girls and used to turn up at the school gates in white jeans two sizes too tight, belly tops, stilettos, orange foundation, fags hanging out of their mouths and having inappropriate conversations at full volume. That's what I imagine he means. There were a few girls in my year in college who insisted on being crude all the time, burping out loud, boasting about sexual exploits, trying to be 'ladettes' or whatever it's called now. Most people just found it crass and rude. I'm a girl but if I were a guy, they were the kind of girl I wouldn't take home to Mammy. It's not that most guys even care what Mammy thinks, it's the fact you want to be able to bring your partner home and not be making excuses for their behaviour. Most people can be crazy and have fun and do naughty things and still come across as classy and respectful in everyday life and not like they were raised in a barn.[/QUOTE]

In fairness, you're describing a completely different type of person in your post above to the description of the OP's girlfriend. There was no mention of belly tops, white jeans too tight, fags hanging out of her mouth and speaking in an inappropriate way and you have no way of guessing that she'll continue to be this way into her middle age..I calmed down in my late twenties and so did most of my friends.

Having a glass of champagne on occasion is something silly and fun you would do when your 22. Ever heard of champagne breakfast (considered the height of class) or the small beer the Spanish drink for their elevenses? Doesn't mean they stumble out of he pub shytefaced 5 hours later everyday. Talking loudly is subjective...I have a low voice and terrible hearing so I really have no idea how loud I talk but in contrast to a quietly spoken person, I could come across as loud and bolshy through no fault of my own.

Spanish women talk VERY loudly, smoke like chimneys and have a glass o beer with their breakie Sunday mornings (maybe more) but I wouldn't call them trashy or crass, just different.


Seems like people in here have a different idea of what this girl is like contrary to what the OP described in his original post. Your making up information about the girl that he didn't mention. His reasons for her "cheapness" were pretty weak imo.

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

In fairness, you're describing a completely different type of person in your post above to the description of the OP's girlfriend. There was no mention of belly tops, white jeans too tight, fags hanging out of her mouth and speaking in an inappropriate way and you have no way of guessing that she'll continue to be this way into her middle age..I calmed down in my late twenties and so did most of my friends.

Having a glass of champagne on occasion is something silly and fun you would do when your 22. Ever heard of champagne breakfast (considered the height of class) or the small beer the Spanish drink for their elevenses? Doesn't mean they stumble out of he pub shytefaced 5 hours later everyday. Talking loudly is subjective...I have a low voice and terrible hearing so I really have no idea how loud I talk but in contrast to a quietly spoken person, I could come across as loud and bolshy through no fault of my own.

Seems like people in here have a different idea of what this girl is like contrary to what the OP described in his original post. Your making up information about the girl that he didn't mention. His reasons for her "cheapness" were pretty weak imo.

I was describing a rather extreme version but I was trying to get across that the OP seems to be describing a type rather than a behaviour. If he thinks she's cheap, there could well be a reason. It's all in the context. There's a big difference between having a champagne breakfast as part of a girly weekend in Paris and having an alcoholic drink at 11am on a walk in a tourist town when your companion isn't drinking. Between speaking a bit too loudly because your hearing is crap and being a shrill loudmouth. Some people just act really common. Sorry if that sounds snobby but it's true and it's generally very easy to tell the difference between someone who is having fun and someone who has no class. It is hard to tell without having been there, and perhaps OP just has ridiculously high standards and a misguided idea of how women should act but he also might well have a point.

Eve_Dublin

[quote=[Deleted User];65526781]I was describing a rather extreme version but I was trying to get across that the OP seems to be describing a type rather than a behaviour. If he thinks she's cheap, there could well be a reason. It's all in the context. There's a big difference between having a champagne breakfast as part of a girly weekend in Paris and having an alcoholic drink at 11am on a walk in a tourist town when your companion isn't drinking. Between speaking a bit too loudly because your hearing is crap and being a shrill loudmouth. Some people just act really common. Sorry if that sounds snobby but it's true and it's generally very easy to tell the difference between someone who is having fun and someone who has no class. It is hard to tell without having been there, and perhaps OP just has ridiculously high standards and a misguided idea of how women should act but he also might well have a point.[/QUOTE]

Fair enough but I think it's only fair to go on what he's told us like we would with all PIs. What he described wouldn't offend my strict moral code ;)personally but we've had different upbringings and are different people. We could just as easily presume the OP is a bit of a prude. We don't know the full story. End of the day, they're incompatible in the longterm..

LegacyUser

I'm the OP

Thanks for all the feedback...

As it happens we have finished, so its academic now...

but to answer the questions

Yes by cheap I meant "common"
cigarette always hanging out, or in hand, then would throw it on the ground, but I think thats what all smokers do, even when driving, out the window?

The conversation wasn't sparking

The bottom line was we just didnt "get on" socially

Maybe some other man would like that, she did look absolutely amazing, and if mean I could have pretended to like her for ***, but thats not me.

Yes I would have had to make excuses to anyone I introduced her to, and again, I suppose thats my fault, because all style is subjective, but bottom line, she wasn't "my type"

Erica<3

I think it's time for the mammy test.
If you can't bring her home to your mother, or you wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, is there any point in sticking with her?
If you're not comfortable about having her around your mates on a night out, why are you still considering her?
And finally, if you know you could never sit next to her on an alter, why are you wasting your precious time?

Seriously though, we've all had that one person who was a complete opposite to ourselves, and we all thought it'd be great fun, but in the end, people get hurt, and they get angry so if you're not feeling at ease with her, it's time to end it.