Horrifying (yet hilarious) dates

self_saboteur

Maybe this should go in relationship issues, but anyhoo.

I'd recently come out of a very long relationship, we'd been going out since our teens, so sufficed to say, I was pretty out of practice with the whole single thing.

I got chatting to this lovely guy outside a club; tall, very handsome, smart, definitely a catch. We ended up kissing (woo!) and headed back to a lovely house party with his lovely friends. More kissing, everything going great. But I'm a bit nervous, this is all a bit new to me, so I lash into a bit of dutch courage. A little too vigorously as it turns out. He asks me back to his house and I drunkenly think, "Sure, feck it, why not?".

We hop in a cab, and when we're almost there, I throw up on myself - that sort of sick where you try to hold it in your mouth, but some squirts out like a little fountain. We exit the cab and he realises he's lost his keys. I, drunk out of my mind and squirming in mortification, get back in the taxi and abandon the poor b*stard outside his house at four in the morning (with his housemate still back at the party) and head home.

Incidentally, I never got his number so I can't even apologise.

Tell me your terrible embarrassing stories and cheer me up please!

we'llallhavetea_old

mwah! thats brilliant

i think we all know the old fountain puke

The_Kew_Tour

Coppers is great craic in that sense;)

Always a story from there

seanybiker

He didnt lose his keys he just didnt want puke on the top of his head. Either that or he seen his parents light still on.

self_saboteur

He was a post-grad student, definitely not living at home. I should point out that he himself was drunk enough to kiss me even after I'd been sick.

Oh christ, I'm wriggling with embarrassment here.

Opium led greed

I accidentally knocked a bottle of wine and it spilled all over a girl in a restaurant on a first date. She was absolutely drenched, the entire table was drenched, the food, everything. Slightly embarrassing. Needless to say nothing developed from there.

self_saboteur

Could have been worse Opium (see above).

Opium led greed

Nah mines worse

x in the city

lol

side note:

whats the difference between the volcano in iceland and cheryl cole....


the volacno is still blowing ash.


whooop...


hides

minidazzler

self_saboteur wrote: »

He was a post-grad student, definitely not living at home. I should point out that he himself was drunk enough to kiss me even after I'd been sick.

Oh christ, I'm wriggling with embarrassment here.

TBH, he was probably still willing to give you the ride.

self_saboteur

Well at least that's flattering, although I don't think at that point that I would have been bringing my A-game.

x in the city

op, you are surprisingly sober this godly hour....,

self_saboteur

x in the city wrote: »

op, you are surprisingly sober this godly hour....,

Oooooh, no more boozing for me for a while. Bad cheap Tesco wine, bad!

x in the city

cheap wine is evil..

welcome to boards btw

self_saboteur

It'll be back to the whiskey for me. At least if you puke it's not cherry pink....

self_saboteur

x in the city wrote: »

cheap wine is evil..

welcome to boards btw

Oh I'm on here a bit, just thought that story was better anonymous.

x in the city

lolz

get sleep.....

self_saboteur

Sleep is for the weak!

...and employed...

x in the city

hmmm

life is a bitch at the best of times

Pdfile

i once went on a date with my mates sister.... eyeing her up for Ages... and i mean ages.... never off my mind, finally got her out to the local... I got up form a tiny table to get drinks and all went grand, finally got back to the table only to fall over as i sat down knocking drinks and onto her mate ( was a sort of double date but her guy didn't turn up )


So loads of " oh sorry " and her " its grand"... but it wasn't, her mate was fitter...

we done a legger

Abi

self_saboteur wrote: »

He was a post-grad student, definitely not living at home. I should point out that he himself was drunk enough to kiss me even after I'd been sick.

minidazzler wrote: »

TBH, he was probably still willing to give you the ride.

self_saboteur wrote: »

Well at least that's flattering, although I don't think at that point that I would have been bringing my A-game.

Not really, no. In fact, I'd go so far as to say the complete opposite.

orourkeda

self_saboteur wrote: »

Maybe this should go in relationship issues, but anyhoo.

I'd recently come out of a very long relationship, we'd been going out since our teens, so sufficed to say, I was pretty out of practice with the whole single thing.

I got chatting to this lovely guy outside a club; tall, very handsome, smart, definitely a catch. We ended up kissing (woo!) and headed back to a lovely house party with his lovely friends. More kissing, everything going great. But I'm a bit nervous, this is all a bit new to me, so I lash into a bit of dutch courage. A little too vigorously as it turns out. He asks me back to his house and I drunkenly think, "Sure, feck it, why not?".

We hop in a cab, and when we're almost there, I throw up on myself - that sort of sick where you try to hold it in your mouth, but some squirts out like a little fountain. We exit the cab and he realises he's lost his keys. I, drunk out of my mind and squirming in mortification, get back in the taxi and abandon the poor b*stard outside his house at four in the morning (with his housemate still back at the party) and head home.

Incidentally, I never got his number so I can't even apologise.

Tell me your terrible embarrassing stories and cheer me up please!

sounds like he dodged a bullet there

stovelid

self_saboteur wrote: »

Maybe this should go in relationship issues, but anyhoo.

I'd recently come out of a very long relationship, we'd been going out since our teens, so sufficed to say, I was pretty out of practice with the whole single thing.

I got chatting to this lovely guy outside a club; tall, very handsome, smart, definitely a catch. We ended up kissing (woo!) and headed back to a lovely house party with his lovely friends. More kissing, everything going great. But I'm a bit nervous, this is all a bit new to me, so I lash into a bit of dutch courage. A little too vigorously as it turns out. He asks me back to his house and I drunkenly think, "Sure, feck it, why not?".

We hop in a cab, and when we're almost there, I throw up on myself - that sort of sick where you try to hold it in your mouth, but some squirts out like a little fountain. We exit the cab and he realises he's lost his keys. I, drunk out of my mind and squirming in mortification, get back in the taxi and abandon the poor b*stard outside his house at four in the morning (with his housemate still back at the party) and head home.

Incidentally, I never got his number so I can't even apologise.

Tell me your terrible embarrassing stories and cheer me up please!

You should have stayed with him.

The puke didn't come out of the orifice he was interested in, after all?

Abi

stovelid wrote: »

The puke didn't come out of the orifice he was interested in, after all?

Are you sure you thought that one through Stovie? :pac:

stovelid

Abitar wrote: »

Are you sure you thought that one through Stovie? :pac:

It didn't come out of all the orifices he was interested in, so.

TheZohanS

I call shenanigans...

Kasabian

OP , it's great that you are back in the game , you seem like a right catch for someone. :pac:

self_saboteur

I'll be better behaved from here on in, I swear.

Cullen82

I think thats hilarious, don't think it would put me off seeing someone again unless they were to shut the door and drive off ....oh wait a minute - you did that!

GLaDOS

stovelid wrote: »

It didn't come out of all the orifices he was interested in, so.

What an image

Duggy747

Went on a blind date with a girl (She gave me her no. in college but I didn't see her face) where she ended up being a freak, texting me in the middle of the night with bizarre, creepy messages.

That was my 1st stalker! :pac:

Bazzy

was out there a while ago picked this girl up went to a house party she wanted to go back to mine on the way back she got sick a bit in the taxi still kissed her tho because i'm a durrrty git

Anyway got back to mine i'd lost me keys biatch jumped back into the taxi and fcuked off

Bad night !

landsleaving

Bazzy wrote: »

was out there a while ago picked this girl up went to a house party she wanted to go back to mine on the way back she got sick a bit in the taxi still kissed her tho because i'm a durrrty git

Anyway got back to mine i'd lost me keys biatch jumped back into the taxi and fcuked off

Bad night !

Yes, very good.

--LOS--

Duggy747 wrote: »

Went on a blind date with a girl (She gave me her no. in college but I didn't see her face) where she ended up being a freak, texting me in the middle of the night with bizarre, creepy messages.

That was my 1st stalker! :pac:

..........course if you'd seen her face, she would have had stalker written all over it

Bazzy

landsleaving wrote: »

Yes, very good.

Glad you approve!

MitchKoobski

Brought my girlfriend of a week out for valentines day last year, my first proper date also. Got all prepared, fully convincing myself I was the ****.
Went to see Friday the 13th in the cinema, trying to plan for a bit of "im scared!" arm around her deal. Turns out she found the entire film hilarious, whereas I was completely terrified and came to the sudden realisation I am no good at horror films.
We then went walking around for a bit and ended up at the nearest pub. Started drinking and actually having fun when her dad walked in the door. And sat down next to me. He had been drinking since 5. It was 11 at this point. He proceeded to ask me everything about myself, not let my girlfriend talk and then make me come to the bathroom with him so I wouldn't drink his pint. Managed to escape a closing time. Did not get a kiss goodnight from the gf. She broke it off a week later.

El Weirdo

self_saboteur wrote: »

Well at least that's flattering, although I don't think at that point that I would have been bringing my A-game.

That would've been the best way tbh. What with the puke breath and all.

Apres Moi

MitchKoobski wrote: »

Brought my girlfriend of a week out for valentines day last year, my first proper date also. Got all prepared, fully convincing myself I was the ****.
Went to see Friday the 13th in the cinema, trying to plan for a bit of "im scared!" arm around her deal. Turns out she found the entire film hilarious, whereas I was completely terrified and came to the sudden realisation I am no good at horror films.
We then went walking around for a bit and ended up at the nearest pub. Started drinking and actually having fun when her dad walked in the door. And sat down next to me. He had been drinking since 5. It was 11 at this point. He proceeded to ask me everything about myself, not let my girlfriend talk and then make me come to the bathroom with him so I wouldn't drink his pint. Managed to escape a closing time. Did not get a kiss goodnight from the gf. She broke it off a week later.

Ah parents, ruining sexy times for their kids since 40,000bc.

weiland79

I was out on a date with a young lady a few years ago. Posh restaurant etc. Our table was a bit on the small side but apart from that she seemed quite impressed. We ordered our drinks and food, out come the starters without incident, But when the big main course plates came out it became a bit tricky, what with the table being so small. Long story short i put my wrists down on the edge of my plate and flipped it upside down and it landed squarely in my lap. Morto!

AnonoBoy

Duggy747 wrote: »

Went on a blind date with a girl (She gave me her no. in college but I didn't see her face) where she ended up being a freak, texting me in the middle of the night with bizarre, creepy messages.

That was my 1st stalker! :pac:

How did you not see her face? Was there a powercut in college and you chatted her up in the dark?

geeky

Duggy747 wrote: »

Went on a blind date with a girl (She gave me her no. in college but I didn't see her face) where she ended up being a freak, texting me in the middle of the night with bizarre, creepy messages.

That was my 1st stalker! :pac:

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