Manly Things

starbelgrade

There are plenty of them - things that men do / like doing that women generally don't.

Over the last few days, owing to the good weather, I've been able to -

- Lay the patio in the back garden, step back & think, "good f*cking job, son"

- Have the lads over to drink copious amounts of beer, then fart the house out of it the following day.

- Barbeque heaps of meat to within an inch of it's existence. If it's not burnt, it's not barbequed.

- Left the washing up for the missus

It's great being a man! So what other manly things make us the happier of the species?

stephenmarr

peeing standing up and aiming for that rogue piece of ass paper in the bowl

Bolag_the_2nd

I so envy not being able to grab my scrotum and spit at the same time, thats male multitasking

AnonoBoy

Being wholly insecure about our sexual performance and needing our partner to reaffirm how good we are every time we copulate and that, yes indeed, she did achieve orgasm and yes we are the best she's ever had... etc... etc... etc...


(or so I've heard)

Jesus Wept

Bolag_the_2nd wrote: »

I so envy not being able to grab my scrotum and spit at the same time, thats male multitasking

You could always grab someone else's.


OP, stop burning the meat!

Sharpshooter

starbelgrade wrote: »

Over the last few days, owing to the good weather, I've been able to -

- Lay the patio in the back garden, step back & think, "good f*cking job, son"

No girlfriend?

PhysiologyRocks

The-Rigger wrote: »

OP, stop burning the meat!

But burnt meat is happy meat...
And I'm female.

Stainless_Steel

Not being an emotional train wreck most of the time.

Not having my feelings 'hurt'.

Being able to call my fat mate a fat wanker and not hurt his feelings.

Simply Red

Stirring paint with that stick we all keep in our sheds

Bolag_the_2nd

The-Rigger wrote: »

You could always grab someone else's.


OP, stop grabbing the meat!

fyp,

Danbo!

Woman: Where is the bathroom, I need to, erm, freshen up?

Man: Going for a massive shit, back in 15. Wheres the newspaper? *high fives everyone before exiting room*

starbelgrade

stephenmarr wrote: »

peeing standing up and aiming for that rogue piece of ass paper in the bowl

I was in a jacks once in a bar (can't remember where the f*ck it was, so it must've been a good night), where they had in the urinals, little goalposts with a football attached to the crossbar by a piece of string.

By pissing on the football, you knocked the ball into the back of the net, thereby entertaining the hell out of you whilst you p*ss & simultaniously tricking us men into pissing straight into the urinal & not all over the floor.

Clever stuff!


Aha.. just googled an image of one - http://persiatazmin.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/funny-football-urinal-picture.jpg

karlm37

It really doesn't get more manly than this...

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1996-07.html

[SIZE=-1]

Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," he swung at his own head and chopped it off.
"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."

[/SIZE]

SugarHigh

maths

starbelgrade

Sharpshooter wrote: »

No girlfriend?

No, my wife won't let me. The selfish b*tch.

Jesus Wept

PhysiologyRocks wrote: »

But burnt meat is happy meat...
And I'm female.

What has you been female got to do with your wrongness? :pac:

Cianos

Being able to have a group of friends without constantly negotiating intricate group politics just to maintain said group of friends.

GLaDOS

starbelgrade wrote: »

- Have the lads over to drink copious amounts of beer, then fart the house out of it the following day.

I know plenty of girls like this

starbelgrade

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I know plenty of girls like this

Lesbos don't count.

bently

O P did you bury your wife under the Patio?

PhysiologyRocks

Lots of these things aren't very manly.

I like fixing things and maths.

Now having a beard... That's quite manly.

SugarHigh

Freezing your poo and turning it into a knife is pretty manly.
http://boingboing.net/2008/09/26/wade-davis-an-inuit.html

Turtyturd

PhysiologyRocks wrote: »

Now having a beard... That's quite manly.

So is testicular cancer.

Sharpshooter

starbelgrade wrote: »

No, my wife won't let me. The selfish b*tch.

You asked her permission?:D

/ I don't belong in this thread..

/but I'm watching..:pac:

starbelgrade

SugarHigh wrote: »

Freezing your poo and turning it into a knife is pretty manly.
http://boingboing.net/2008/09/26/wade-davis-an-inuit.html

As the feces began to freeze, he shaped it into the form of an implement. And when the blade started to take shape, he put a spray of saliva along the leading edge to sharpen it. That’s when what they call the “sh*t knife” took form. He used it to butcher a dog. Skinned the dog with it. Improvised a sled with the dog’s rib cage, and then, using the skin, he harnessed up an adjacent living dog. He put the sh*t knife in his belt and disappeared into the night.

F*ck me!

admiralofthefleet

farting, then laughing like a hyena

bronte

starbelgrade wrote: »

It's great being a man! So what other manly things make us the happier of the species?

Heh! I think not.

Multiple orgasms.


You can commence being jealous now.

orourkeda

Hard ons

Stainless_Steel

bronte wrote: »

Heh! I think not.

Multiple orgasms.


You can commence being jealous now.

Eh...be jealous of being able to orgasm within a few seconds! Oh wait....thats not cool guys right? More like half hour for me I mean...

rainbow kirby

SugarHigh wrote: »

maths

Eh, I like (and am pretty good at) maths, and am female

karlm37

Yorkies!

orourkeda

starbelgrade wrote: »

I was in a jacks once in a bar (can't remember where the f*ck it was, so it must've been a good night), where they had in the urinals, little goalposts with a football attached to the crossbar by a piece of string.

By pissing on the football, you knocked the ball into the back of the net, thereby entertaining the hell out of you whilst you p*ss & simultaniously tricking us men into pissing straight into the urinal & not all over the floor.

Clever stuff!


Aha.. just googled an image of one - http://persiatazmin.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/funny-football-urinal-picture.jpg

Personally, I'd have been tempted to drop a dump into those goals.

Captain Chaos

Stainless_Steel wrote: »

Eh...be jealous of being able to orgasm within a few seconds! Oh wait....thats not cool guys right? More like half hour for me I mean...

By the time they have one we could have 10 and a huge arm.:D

rainbow kirby

karlm37 wrote: »

Yorkies!

Clearly not manly, only women really need chocolate in such big chunks.

karlm37

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Clearly not manly, only women really need chocolate in such big chunks.

Nope, only men can eat such big chunks of chocolat without worrying about calories!

Bonito

starbelgrade wrote: »

It's great being a man! So what other manly things make us the happier of the species?

I honestly always thought you were a girl.

bronte wrote: »

Heh! I think not.

Multiple orgasms.


You can commence being jealous now.

Erm. I can have multiple orgasms too.

karlm37 wrote: »

Yorkies!

The original form of sexism.

shuvly

Thornton: I]drunk[/I Woman-of-the-house! I have brought the brother home to supper!
I]Throws hat[/I
Mary Kate Danaher: He is kindly welcome.
"Red Will" Danaher: I]also drunk[/I God bless all in this house...
Mary Kate Danaher: Wipe your feet!
"Red Will" Danaher: Thank you mum!



She was a slag, obviously looking for it from both brothers....
(emm..can't find sarcastic type smiley as am obviously typing this in another room so the master can't see me..andd I can't see the feckin smileys...)

starbelgrade

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Eh, I like (and am pretty good at) maths, and am female

Prove it. If you're good at maths, you should be able to figure the answer out to this one...

Three Navaho women sit side by side on the ground. The first woman, who is sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 140 pounds. The second woman, who is sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 160 pounds. The third woman, who weighs 300 pounds, is sitting on a hippopotamus skin. What famous geometric theorem does this symbolize?

Bonito

starbelgrade wrote: »

Prove it. If you're good at maths, you should be able to figure the answer out to this one...

Three Navaho women sit side by side on the ground. The first woman, who is sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 140 pounds. The second woman, who is sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 160 pounds. The third woman, who weighs 300 pounds, is sitting on a hippopotamus skin. What famous geometric theorem does this symbolize?

The third one is so fat she can't get pregnant?

mikom

starbelgrade wrote: »

So what other manly things make us the happier of the species?

Not punctuating
I'm so manly even my sentences don't have periods

Naos

Woman: Hey Janet, I like what you've done to your hair!
Man: Alright fatboy, still a bender?

Also being able to kick tyres and appear to know what I'm doing.

orourkeda

Stainless_Steel wrote: »

Eh...be jealous of being able to orgasm within a few seconds! Oh wait....thats not cool guys right? More like half hour for me I mean...

Hell no. 10 Seconds max. Then off to sleep. None of this frilly foreplay nonsense. Wam bam thank you mam.

orourkeda

starbelgrade wrote: »

Prove it. If you're good at maths, you should be able to figure the answer out to this one...

Three Navaho women sit side by side on the ground. The first woman, who is sitting on a goatskin, has a son who weighs 140 pounds. The second woman, who is sitting on a deerskin, has a son who weighs 160 pounds. The third woman, who weighs 300 pounds, is sitting on a hippopotamus skin. What famous geometric theorem does this symbolize?

The fat chicks need love too theorem

PeterIanStaker

Haircuts:

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she was gave me the
mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like
that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this
stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could
easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I
was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent
my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything
to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -
see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to
fit me so much easier.
Men's version

Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.

AnonoBoy

PeterIanStaker wrote: »

Haircuts:

Women's version:

Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she was gave me the
mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like
that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this
stuff I think.

Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could
easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I
was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent
my long neck.

Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything
to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms -
see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to
fit me so much easier.
Men's version

Man2: Haircut?
Man1: Yeah.

Here's the important question:

Why does Man 1 have a smaller typeface?

starbelgrade

Bonito wrote: »

I honestly always thought you were a girl.

:eek: How the hell did that happen?!!!

Bonito

I was reading your username as star-bell-grade. We should really be able to post our gender over there!

<

---

PeterIanStaker

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Here's the important question:

Why does Man 1 have a smaller typeface?

Cos of the half - arsed, i.e. thoroughly manly, fashion in which i copied & pasted it in, any oul' way.

Jesus Wept

bronte wrote: »

Heh! I think not.

Multiple orgasms.


You can commence being jealous now.

Whatever about the multiple element, the quality is entirely different it would seem.

Ruu_Old

Battling on through the pain when during a workout, gritting your teeth.

Captain Chaos

Walking into a pub on a Friday afternoon in your dirty snickers and scruffy work gear with your mates for a few drinks after working on a site all week. The pure bliss.