How to cope with losing your youth?

fatmammycat

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

^^ Agree with that stu. It mightn't bother some people but it bothers some.

I don't think some people coming on showboating about how well adjusted they are really helps at all. Smugness is as unattractive as insecurity.

OP, I completely identify with what you are saying. You have every right to feel sad and grieve for the loss of youth and beauty. Those things brought pleasure and that pleasure is perfectly valid.

As much as society is unbalanced by being overly focused on beauty and sexiness and looks there is also the other end of the scale where there is an almost snobbery about not being seen as superficial or shallow which is just as bad.

Your feelings are perfectly valid. Its something that bothers you and it's real. There is no 'should' or 'shouldn't' way you are supposed to feel about ageing.

I think if I understand you correctly part of it is feeling 'left out', invisible or ignored. Not part of the fun. That your time has passed, yes that is sad and you are perfectly entitled to mourn that loss.

Some people may be happily oblivious but I wonder if it's not a studied defiance....after all those who seem to shout the loudest and proudest about how indifferent they are to admiration and impervious to ageing they are, can't help but drop a little line in there about how they still draw admiring glances/remarks when they are working out/walking past a building site and how little this means to them...

Methinks they doth protest too much!

God but passive aggressive people are so tedious.:rolleyes: Most of us understood the OP's plight, but are also aware that nothing can be done to roll back the years. It's got nothing to do with being smug, defiant, whatever that is about, and MY point about idiots shouting was that their attention is NOT affirming or even welcome at all.
Do yourself a big favour Cheap Thrills, try not to project your take on what people are actually saying, which is that beauty is fleeting, being happy can cross the ages.
'Your time has passed' Give me a farking break. Her 'time' is what she makes of it, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

seahorse

fatmammycat wrote: »

'Your time has passed' Give me a farking break. Her 'time' is what she makes of it, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Had to laugh at this line. It typifies where my head is at now and where I hope to God it'll stay. I'm 34 and you couldn't take me back fifteen years even if you had a time machine and got a hold of me by the hair. I'm very happy to be mid-thirties thanks, most teenagers and very young women (including myself at that age) haven't got the sense of know what they're dealing with even when they're looking straight at it. This especially applies in the case of men. I wouldn't go back ten/fifteen years for anything; it's so much more fun being an adult!

I think you just need to adjust your thinking OP. Yes you've lost the bloom of youth but you've got your grown-woman cop-op, and that blooms later. Thank God for it!

Kimia

fatmammycat wrote: »

'Your time has passed' Give me a farking break. Her 'time' is what she makes of it, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Here here! What a great saying! Fat Mammy Cat you sound awesome!

Unregistered39

Hi OP,

As someone who has very recently turned 40, I decided that the only way to cope with it is to embrace it and consider the alternatives. If you think about it, at 50 you'll be looking back fondly at your 40s and thinking how well you looked. The trick is to look as well as you can for your age. One thing I have done is to try to buy funkier, more colourful clothes. For such a grey climate we wear way too much black. And whoever thought mauve was a good colour for Irish skins?? I've just ditched my beige mac and bought myself a bright yellow raincoat. Stick a flower in your hair and don't let yourself slide into middle age anonymity. Go to gigs or a festival and try to keep your heart young. And stop comparing yourself to younger women!

It's really not my usual thing to quote from poetry but Desiderata is pretty much on the money. Google the whole thing.

....If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
[SIZE=+1]it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. [/SIZE]

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

I would say that we live in a society where we are products and are judged by our consumability (youth and beauty, in the case of women). This to me is very unhealthy and it makes me sad to see everyone buying into the attitude that you have to look good at all costs and if you don't then fix it surgically.

What next - compulsory euthanasia to stop old people from creating aesthetic pollution?

Emme I do not have a toxic attitude and I am looking for advice not
criticism, I read a thread in the gentlemens club where you got very upset
about younger women getting the most votes in a poll where women our
age were not even considered so please don't criticise my feelings
as they are valid. I am a good wife and my husband ogles my future
sister in law, I have nothing against the girl fair play to her she's young
and beautiful. Yes I am jealous my youth is gone but I do think your
being unfairly harsh.

Thanks for all the valuable advice I have been getting.

Emme

unregcorklady wrote: »

Emme I do not have a toxic attitude and I am looking for advice not criticism, I read a thread in the gentlemens club where you got very upset about younger women getting the most votes in a poll where women our age were not even considered so please don't criticise my feelings as they are valid. I am a good wife and my husband ogles my future sister in law, I have nothing against the girl fair play to her she's young and beautiful. Yes I am jealous my youth is gone but I do think your being unfairly harsh.

You've been given advice by several people here. The fact is that you can't turn back the clock. You can have all the anti-ageing cosmetic procedures available if you like. If it makes you feel better go for it but it still won't bring back your youth. I honestly think that you're not grateful for what you have and are focusing on the negative.

Is your husband going "Aaaarrrrrr, she's a fine youngwan!" and licking his lips every time he sees his future sister in law? If it's as bad as you make it out to be she's probably feeling creeped out by him and is just as miserable as you in her own way. She is marrying your husband's 30 year old brother, your husband isn't taking her as a second wife.

Here's another piece of advice that might not sit well here. If you're a woman of a certain age and you're sensitive about it maybe boards.ie isn't a good place to be. I find that it can get me down sometimes - I haven't left for good yet but I'm considering it.

OP, do something that you enjoy, surround yourself with people that make you feel good. I don't mean to be harsh, but you have so much going for you. Be grateful for the good things you have.

The Recliner

OK I have deleted some posts as they were dragging this thread off topic and getting personal

Can we abide by the attack the post no thte poster rule please and stopp getting personal

If you disagree with a post fine but there is no need to comment on the poster

seahorse

unregcorklady wrote: »

I am a good wife and my husband ogles my future sister in law,

OP if this is the case then I'd respectfully suggest that your problem is not that your youth is gone; it's that your husband is behaving like an inappropriate arsehole.

LegacyUser

seahorse wrote: »

OP if this is the case then I'd respectfully suggest that your problem is not that your youth is gone; it's that your husband is behaving like an inappropriate arsehole.

Thank you all for your invaluable advice, I do find this an excellent
help I know I cannot turn back the clock but my question was how
do most women cop with it?
Mu husband does try to be tactful but he definetly fancies her.

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

You've been given advice by several people here. The fact is that you can't turn back the clock. You can have all the anti-ageing cosmetic procedures available if you like. If it makes you feel better go for it but it still won't bring back your youth. I honestly think that you're not grateful for what you have and are focusing on the negative.

Is your husband going "Aaaarrrrrr, she's a fine youngwan!" and licking his lips every time he sees his future sister in law? If it's as bad as you make it out to be she's probably feeling creeped out by him and is just as miserable as you in her own way. She is marrying your husband's 30 year old brother, your husband isn't taking her as a second wife.

Here's another piece of advice that might not sit well here. If you're a woman of a certain age and you're sensitive about it maybe boards.ie isn't a good place to be. I find that it can get me down sometimes - I haven't left for good yet but I'm considering it.

OP, do something that you enjoy, surround yourself with people that make you feel good. I don't mean to be harsh, but you have so much going for you. Be grateful for the good things you have.

Good advice Emme I know I am fortunate to have a good life
it's just losing your youth is a big hurdle.