When did you realise you were gay/ bi?

MultiUmm

When did you first realise you were attracted to the same sex, or both sexes? How did it make you feel? When did you eventually accept it? I guess I'm asking, what were the various stages you had before coming out? (if you have)



I realised it fairly young, must've been about 10 or 11.

First reaction was rejecting it, sort of like a self-defence thing I suppose. I couldn't deal with it at that age and I remember I used to tell myself I'd meet a guy, get it 'out of my system' and do the whole wife and kids thing afterwards.

It took me a while to get over that and accept it, eventually I moved onto the stage where I stopped thinking about it on a emotional level but acknowledged it on a physical one.

I eventually mustered the courage to tell my family and eventually friends. I don't know how it happened, just a 'gut feeling' I got. With the help of a few resources from the internet.



So how was it for you? Did you feel frightened, angered, shocked etc.? Did you go through various stages of acceptance, and if so what were they like?

Dr. Baltar

Phase 1 - Denial - Aged 10 to 13 - "It's just a phase and will pass"

Phase 2 - Anger - Aged 13 - 15 - "Why the **** do I have to be like this?!" - Was a real horrible person to people at that age especially to my parents.

Phase 3 - Exploration - Aged 16 - "I'll give it a go" - Ended up liking it too which sort of complicated things a bit more.

Phase 4 - Depression - "It's true and there's nothing I can do about it"

Phase 5 - College - "Yay" - Met people just like myself who gave me the confidence and help to make me realise I wasn't "sick" and came out to my parents a few weeks ago. Things have been pretty rosy since.

keepkeyyellow

errm realised at 11, came out at 14 to friends, 15 for family, and er yeah

rainbow kirby

I was a bit of a late bloomer really, first thought I wasn't completely straight when I was about 16, was pretty certain at about 19, came out to friends as bi at 21 and as gay a year later. Don't ask why I did the whole "bi now, gay later" thing, it makes absolutely no sense...

Tricity Bendix

I suppose looking back it would have been around 10 or 11. But at that age I was so unsure about what sexuality actually was. I had no idea that how I felt was different from how everyone else felt. I think this was actually a stroke of luck cus I managed to get through most of my adolesence without any significant anger or depression. Being bi also obviously helped.

As I got older I came to the realisation that what I felt wasn't exactly "normal". I'd say it was at the age of 18 where I first got kissed by a boy that the realisation actually kicked in, and I went through all the denial, anger, depression, and even turned in to a religious nutter for a while.

Got with my boyfriend when I was 22 and I've been markedly less neurotic ever since.

Aard

First realised around 11. Totally accepted around 13/14. Came out to friends at 15. First bf at 17. Came out to family at 19. Engaged at 21.


I never really had a denial-period, just a confusion-period. I began fantacising about guys, not thinking anything of it, then only realised about a year later that, oh, I'm gay. For those two years or so, I'd be thinking about guys and girls equally - guys for the physical relationship and girls for the emotional relationship. Then it started to be guys exclusively.

spurious

Always knew. Thought everyone felt the same. Slight disappointment (for them) when I found out they didn't, but never found my sexuality something to hide from my friends or family. It wasn't an issue.
Liking Abba to a rather unhealthy extent may have alienated more people than my being a big old lesbo.

MultiUmm

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I was a bit of a late bloomer really, first thought I wasn't completely straight when I was about 16, was pretty certain at about 19, came out to friends as bi at 21 and as gay a year later. Don't ask why I did the whole "bi now, gay later" thing, it makes absolutely no sense...

I did the same, looking back on it now it does feel kind of stupid .. but I suppose I was 'testing the waters' in a way, gauging peoples reactions to the fact I liked fellas 'as well' :rolleyes:

it's strange, my best male friend was more apprehensive when i told him i was 'bi' instead of when i said i was gay i guess he got the fact that because i like guys i won't suddenly hop on top of him now that he knows.

Nebit

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I was a bit of a late bloomer really, first thought I wasn't completely straight when I was about 16, was pretty certain at about 19, came out to friends as bi at 21 and as gay a year later. Don't ask why I did the whole "bi now, gay later" thing, it makes absolutely no sense...

same as however i came out at 20 and i really was bi at the time now at 21 im still unsure but i class myself as gay

Chuchoter

In retrospect, I'm surprised it never dawned on me sooner, as all the boys I liked were so feminine you'd be forgiven for thinking they were girls (ie Brian Molko, Twiggy Ramirez),I spent a hell of a lot of time watching Baywatch (and not for the riveting storylines either!) and playing doctor with my friend who was a girl.

I had my first real girl crush at 10/11, but didn't really recognize it as an attraction to girls in myself until I was 14 when I kissed a girl and actually enjoyed it, whereas all my previous encounters with boys had elicited nothing more than indifference to disgust.I came out as bi to my friends (who didn't take me seriously) and tried to convince myself boys would one day become attractive to me. They didn't, I thought I was asexual because I thought being a lesbian was just out of the question. Its only this year (16 years old) that I've finally come to terms with the whole thing and came out as being gay. I think the real turning point in the whole thing was realizing that fantasizing about girls was the only thing that ever did anything for me and that when men were involved in my fantasies, I was the man in them.

Squaw Crow

It wasn't so much a realization that i was gay- it was that everyone else wasn't gay or bi lol. That happened at about 10

Nevyn

I was 10 and I tought I just liked girls that way but never assocated the term Gay with myelf, I hated the term lezzer. I was 15 when I figured out I like boys too.

stephen_n

Seems strange with all this 10 and 11 kind of stuff but I was 32 before I admitted to myself I was bi but then again I knew I found guys attractive before that but just identified myself completely as hetro so thought I was just a modern man. Mind you from the age of 12-32 I didn't really know if i was coming or going in most aspects of who I was so it probably wasn't untill that settled down that I had time to contemplate it!

Deflector

Ha, I recognise the coming or going aspect on a wider level too.

To some degree, I always knew I was gay, since day one. Life generally was complicated by being a loner and a bit different from everyone else anyway, so adding gayness into the mix didn't really register as being unorthodox - it was the other aspects of life that saw to that.

I always fancied other lads. Hilariously, my earliest memory ever is a gay one - I was in one way or another attracted to one of the boys in playschool. I still remembering eyeing his dungarees! Likewise, being utterly obsessed with a hot sixth class chap when I was much younger. He had the most amazing skin and bone structure as I remember! Ironically, all through school I hated being with boys, as boys were expected to be boys and sporty and whatnot. Yet in spite of being into girly things and playing with girls, at another level all I was every interested in was uncomplicated manner of the male.

All of this just flowed seamlessly into teenage years - feeling out of place, not for being gay, but just being 'the quiet one'. Of course the attraction to guys notched up a gear, but there was never a realisation of being gay. All my sister's teenage magazines ( yeah, yeah, who didn't read them!) always said such attraction was more than likely a phase, some saying up to 16, others up to 18-20, which in retrospect was sadly misleading, as I kept putting off the 'conclusive' date, which I eventually forgot about anyway it took so bloody long!

From everyone's postings, it appears it depends entirely what one's personality is like in determining a 'realisation' as such. If you're more inclined to act on instincts, a confirmation of matters will probably occur sooner. If you're in any way quiet or anti-social, where being gay or straight has little or no relevance (until that bloody debs comes along), it will probably take longer, or conversely earlier in a more gradual way.

crotalus667

I dont know , I dont like to box myself in as bi or gay . I tend to tell people that i am bi if there is a need to say any thing ,(but i tend to tell gay's that i am gay as it is just eayser ) TBH i dont really know what i am , not much has ever seemed un natural or been a turn off for me , I cant recall ever not thinking this way:cool:

shoegirl

I recall fancying girls from as young as 11/12, but I didn't attach any labels to it back then.

On my 13th birthday it suddenly dawned on me that this was what this "gay" things was all about.

AssaultedPeanut

I knew when I was between 11-13 as I started to become obsessed with The X Files and it had more to do with Gillian Anderson than the aliens.

But I, like so many others, went through a few years of denial. Even agreeing with my mam, when I was about 15, after she made a comment about gays saying "it was all in their heads".

I came out to everyone as gay when I was 17. It was somewhat of an anti-climax to be honest:o

Dwn Wth Vwls

My story is a bit too convoluted to tell. I had my first crush on a girl at maybe 13/14. First noticed guys on tv at 14/15. Finally realised that one set of feelings couldn't still be "a phase" when I finished college and copped on that I was bi as I turned 24.

I'd like to meet the person who actually found that "it's a phase" rubbish helpful, because I only know those it confused.

KnifeWRENCH

I was maybe 16 or so when I first started questioning but it took another 2 years before I was able to admit to myself that I was bi. It's only in the last year I've been able to comfortably admit it to other people, albeit most people I told, I told when drunk.

mccarn22

i was experimenting really young.. like 8 or 9... so i kind of knew then... at about 12-14.. i "fancied" girls... but as a cover up.. then as time went on.. i was a bit more comfortable and was out by 16 or 17 to close friends, although everyone knew.... then eventually 19 came out to family... which to me was my coming out as such

L1011

First suspicions would have been too long ago to even pinpoint at this stage. First case of properly thinking it over was when I was 11/12 or so, I guess.

I can identify the exact incident where I figured out I was gay rather than bi though, weirdly enough!

JaneHudson

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

I'd like to meet the person who actually found that "it's a phase" rubbish helpful, because I only know those it confused.

Heh if I had a Euro for every time I heard that ...
I've come to the conclusion that life is made up of phases some of which last decades.

crotalus667

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

I'd like to meet the person who actually found that "it's a phase" rubbish helpful, because I only know those it confused.

I find i do go threw phases in regaurd to M v's F (and i also go threw phases with fetishes that repeat them selves)

CSaber

Always knew, though went through most of my teens wondering when the genes would kick in and I'd realise girls where attractive. Finally accepted it and bout three years ago finally said the magic words 'I'm gay' to two close friends.

Kanoe

I tired of falling in love with women, fell in love with a girl when I was 14, lived with my best friend until I was 21 then went into hibernation for ten years until I "decided" to be gay a year ago. (though had spent three years struggling with the idea)

Mental Mickey

dementedsoul wrote: »

I knew when I was between 11-13 as I started to become obsessed with The X Files and it had more to do with Gillian Anderson than the aliens.

But I, like so many others, went through a few years of denial. Even agreeing with my mam, when I was about 15, after she made a comment about gays saying "it was all in their heads".

I came out to everyone as gay when I was 17. It was somewhat of an anti-climax to be honest:o

My Dad says this too. Or that people r only coming out now cos its fashionable.

AssaultedPeanut

Mental Mickey wrote: »

My Dad says this too. Or that people r only coming out now cos its fashionable.

Or it's just teenagers being rebellious to vex their long suffering parents :P

Mental Mickey

Yeah.

Asphyxia

I must of been just gone 13, I relised this when I started hanging with a friend of a friend I started to like her and fell head over heels for her. I found out after knowing her for awhile that she was bisexual I don't think I even heard of it until then. I was really confused because I did like guys aswell and after I found out this I understood what was feeling long story short she ended up being thien first girl I was with and it felt comfortable so I wasn't scared anymore.

I have felt alot of different feelings when I started liking girls aswell but I never rejected it just curious, I know alot of people who have struggled with it and will never accept it. I found excitement was more of an emotion that I felt than anything, I was lucky that I was around people who knew and supported me otherwise I could of freaked out. Anyway I am happy

Jason2379

I've always known which I thought was normal until people questioned it. They cant believe that you can know that your gay before puberty. But its always been the norm for me but I did have stages of thinking that it would pass.

I was about 14 or 15 when I figured I wasn't going to change and I may as well accept it and stop kidding myself.

Took me a good 5 years to come out after though

LegacyUser

Came out as bi at 21 about two months ago but I realised i like girls when i was 11 in sixth class.Got this mad crush on a really pretty girl.Just looking at her she seemed so radiant and i really really wanted to impress her just so that i could see her smile.I remember thinking,why am i acting acting like the boy in all of those movies i've seen?Am i a boy now? Didn't learn about the term gay until a few months later but the whole situation was very depressing for me and i cried all the time because it made me feel like an absolute freak.Awful awful time to be me.

DB21

I knew at 16 that I was bi, but I was in denial until about 2 years ago (20). I think my mam may have guessed when I was about4 cause I liked playing with my cousin's dolls :pac:

Davyhal

At the time, I don't think I realised it in myself, but looking back in hindsight, I definitely recalling looking at guys in the swimming pool when I was only about 9 or so, and I definitely remember having a crush on Mark Hoppus from Blink-182 when "All the Small Things" was in the charts, which was in 2000, so I would have been 12. I thought it was something I could suppress until I was 21 though

coolperson05

Suppose I suspected it when I was 15/16 and two of my friends had already 'come out'...Toke me until 18 to say it to myself, when I first got with a guy!...Kinda hard to deny after that!