You All Just Go For Rich Men

WindSock

I've been thinking about this a bit and realised that most women I know are with lads or married to lads who are not much more affluent than themselves. Is that theory blown out of the water somewhat then, or is it just that I happen to know a bunch of chicks who aren't 'gold diggers'?

Giselle

I don't think there are any gold diggers among my friends.

Which isn't to say that there aren't... but if there are, they're REALLY unsucessful.:)

Abi

I think the honest answer to this is; some women do go for men with money and some don't. There is no straight up answer to this one.


I personally favour happiness over money by a long chalk. I'd rather be a pauper but completely in love. As the old saying goes, money can't buy you happiness. I like to know that I can hold my own too, with or without a man.

krudler

Abitar wrote: »

I think the honest answer to this is; some women do go for men with money and some don't. There is no straight up answer to this one.


I personally favour happiness over money by a long chalk. I'd rather be a pauper but completely in love. As the old saying goes, money can't buy you happiness. I like to know that I can hold my own too, with or without a man.

I'd be happy if I was rich enough to own my own plane or something, or never have to work again, so money clearly does buy happiness in that sense.:D

Abi

krudler wrote: »

I'd be happy if I was rich enough to own my own plane or something, or never have to work again, so money clearly does buy happiness in that sense.:D

Oh hello male gold-digger


I worked pretty hard from my late teens and all through my twenties, and was hell bent on being successful career wise. I saved a decent bit of money, regardless of the fact that I could tap my parents for money whenever I needed it. But theres no dignity or pride in that.

I quit a high powered job to go back to college because I realised I wasn't happy doing it, and it didn't just stop with the job either. I basically threw everything about my life into the wind just to be happy - and at 30 that wasn't a small choice to make.

While I hope you get your plane etc. (:D), the way I see it is, if you don't want for anything then theres no goal. Thats part of the fun tbh, and to know you did something all on your own - well theres nothing like it.

princess-lala

I go for the total opposite to a rich man! I have my own money and dont need anyone else to help me out!

I have worked my ass off the last 11 years to be where I am today! Granted I dont want a fella sponging off me either!

I like to pay my own way and money doesnt motivate me at all!

PK2008

Could be that your friends just arent that attractive.

Rich guys have alot to choose from, poor guys not so much

Faith

My ex had even less money than I do. We were ridiculously poor together. I'm heading for a fairly well paid career, so I doubt money would be a huge issue for me.

That being said, I do like being treated to things, but I'd always return the favour.

dlofnep

I'd say women look for security, and find security in different ways. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's the alpha male bad boy. dlofnep has 27 cents.

Pretty_Pistol

I think it really just depends on the person. There are some very materialistic women out there. I use to have a friend in school and her goal was to be a D4 type. She was brought up on a council estate on the Northside. She is pretty so she managed to get a few not so good looking D4 types for boyfriends.

I couldn't do that. I have to actually like a guy I couldn't pretend to just because he had money.

bronte

I know a girl who consistently goes for guys who have money, it's as if she's hardwired to find those who can "provide for her".
The fallout of that is that I don't think she falls in love the way I do.
She finds these men and just hopes she'll end up feeling something for them, which she rarely does. It's quite sad really.

CamillaRhodes

I think when women may get misrepresented as gold-diggers (not that there aren't some out there, but I think it's an unfair stereotype) is because women need to respect their partner in a relationship, and the stereotype for men is that they're providers, hunter gatherers etc, so if a man earns less than a woman he is somehow less of a stereotypical hunter gatherer and thus it may be harder for women to respect him.

That said, my boyfriend earns about one third of what I do, but because I respect the work that he does so much, there is no aspect of 'failure' to live up to male stereotypes - I respect and admire him greatly; the cash figure at the bottom of his pay slip makes not the slightest difference.

On the other hand, I have a friend who is in a relationship with a guy where they are both utterly skint. She is trying very hard to pursue a career in which she earns very little to begin with, whereas he just doesn't seem to be very motivated to drag himself up from the breadline - works freelance, but doesn't chase work, is willing to let bills go unpaid etc. She's almost 30, he's 34. It's now reached a stage where it's affecting their relationship. He has accused her of starting to behave like a gold digger, that if she wanted someone with money she should never have gotten together with him. She (i think subconsciously to begin with but increasingly consciously now) finds it hard to respect that he is so unpressured to succeed financially, and in turn finds it increasingly a turn off. In my opinion, they're not a great couple anyway and probably should break up. But I reckon if/when they do break up, he'll tell everyone it was because she wanted him to earn more money, and I just wanted to try to illustrate that it's not always as black and white as that.

My two cents, anyway

SugarHigh

Abitar wrote: »

I quit a high powered job to go back to college because I realised I wasn't happy doing it, and it didn't just stop with the job either. I basically threw everything about my life into the wind just to be happy - and at 30 that wasn't a small choice to make.
.

I think a man would suffer many more consequences for doing something like that.

jokettle

One of my major life goals is to be financially secure, but I'm working on building a career where I can provide for myself and perhaps a small family (if that arises). I don't expect my partner to provide for me; in fact, I'd be bloody offended if he expected to be the main breadwinner!

What my boyfriend earns has nothing to do with why we're together. We spend roughly the same on presents/dates/surprises for each other and I couldn't tolerate it being any different. My own career ambitions and the solvency it will hopefully bring are infinitely more important than my OH's net worth.

Piste

I like successful guys. Scratch that, I like successful people, I always admire them a lot more than unambitious people with few achievements. They also spur me on to be successful myself, so I like having friends that work hard. Money isn't always a measure of success though, I'd be as happy with a guy who reached his goal of attaining a certain high-paid job as I would be with a guy on a low wage who also achieved his dream job and worked hard for it.

fiona-f

My granny always used to say "never marry for money, but marry where money is". As an idealistic teen, I used to scoff at the second part of it but as I get older, I think there is some sense in it. Regardless of how much you love a person, if they have no income, maybe massive debt and can offer no financial support whatsoever, then chances are, there will be a heck of a lot of strain on that relationship. If you are worried sick about how to pay the rent on your lovenest, or what would happen if you got ill or lost your job, etc, then love alone will have a tough time making you happy.

So, no I don't think women are gold-diggers, in fact nowadays women are probably more likely to be employed and have stable incomes than men as the construction industry etc suffers so badly. I can't think of a single person I know that dates people based on their wealth. However, I do know a few who are desperately stressed by their dire financial situations, caused or exacerbated by their partner's financial insecurity.

In any case, I don't think gold-digger was ever a generalised female stereotype; I would have thought it applied to a small minority of obvious trophy-wife type ladies. On an entirely unrelated note, I'm sure Jonny Ronan must have a great personality and oodles of charm; what else could those lovely young ladies see in him?

Dudess

It's an awfully woman-hating thing to say. I'm racking my brains trying to think of women I know who are gold-diggers - yes, two. They're a minority, the way men who only go for trophy partners are a minority.

I certainly couldn't care less what he earns, and find rich guys who are "flash" extremely unattractive.

I don't think I know any gold diggers. Certainly not in my group of friends, otherwise they've all failed miserably :pac:

I 100% agree with Piste though, I couldn't see myself being with someone who is lazy. They would need to be somewhat ambitious - that doesn't mean they need to be rich at all - just have goals in life.

Abi

SugarHigh wrote: »

I think a man would suffer many more consequences for doing something like that.

Maybe, maybe not. I think it depends on your outlook. Maybe what I have done might seem reckless to some, but its a choice I made because I felt I was trapped in a life I didn't fit in. I couldn't see how I could not afford to take the chances I've taken. I have to say I'm happier for the choices I've made. Its not all sweetness and light though, there are some things I still need to do.

Dudess wrote: »

It's an awfully woman-hating thing to say. I'm racking my brains trying to think of women I know who are gold-diggers - yes, two. They're a minority, the way men who only go for trophy partners are a minority.

I certainly couldn't care less what he earns, and find rich guys who are "flash" extremely unattractive.

+1

Agreed, its vile.

Dudess

Dudess wrote: »

I certainly couldn't care less what he earns, and find rich guys who are "flash" extremely unattractive.

Sleazy is usually the word I would use to describe them!

Micky Dolenz

There is an old saying. If you marry for money, you'll earn every penny of it.

Don't people just fall in love? Money is a nice bonus though, financial strains can break up the most solid relationships.

Micky Dolenz

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

There is an old saying. If you marry for money, you'll earn every penny of it.

Don't people just fall in love? Money is a nice bonus though, financial strains can break up the most solid relationships.

Money is feckin marvellous, no doubt, but what use is it if your life partner is a twat?

Micky Dolenz

Deleted User wrote: »

Money is feckin marvellous, no doubt, but what use is it if your life partner is a twat?

It'll hardly happen though, will it? You won't hate the person you marry.

The only way I could see it happening realistically is if you were going out with someone, they were nice but you weren't sure if you really loved them, maybe it lacked passion. money may then be a decideing factor and atleast you felt "safe" with them.

So you may end up married to someone with money thet you like but don't love.

I really don't think some people go out with someone for years and then marry, thinking they are a twat and only stuck with them for the money.

Micky Dolenz

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

I really don't think some people go out with someone for years and then marry, thinking they are a twat and only stuck with them for the money.

I don't think there are many who would, definitely not, but like anything, there will be some eejits who think status = happiness. As Dudess said, they're in the minority!

jellie

WindSock wrote: »

I've been thinking about this a bit and realised that most women I know are with lads or married to lads who are not much more affluent than themselves. Is that theory blown out of the water somewhat then, or is it just that I happen to know a bunch of chicks who aren't 'gold diggers'?

i find this thread a bit weird. youre female arent you? but you sound surprised that your friends havent married for money?

you refer to it as a theory but theory implies there is some sort of substantial evidence to back up such a statement - to me its more of a stereotype and an insulting one at that.

I have to say I agree with dudess's post quoted below.

Dudess wrote: »

It's an awfully woman-hating thing to say. I'm racking my brains trying to think of women I know who are gold-diggers - yes, two. They're a minority, the way men who only go for trophy partners are a minority.

I certainly couldn't care less what he earns, and find rich guys who are "flash" extremely unattractive.

I earn my own money, rely on noone but myself for money, and a mans bank balance is not even a consideration in whether i would be interested or not. admittedly i wouldnt be interested in someone who needed ME to pay THEIR way (not that i have a problem in treating a boyfriend) but i expect noone to pay mine

almostnever

Until a few weeks ago, I openly scoffed at the idea that money couldn't buy happiness. I thought it was silly, I mean, as far as I was concerned, the freedom that it would open up seemed to be unparalleled. I'm a naturally ambitious and driven person, and I suppose it's always been my aim to be rich and live in Paris or New York. Marrying a rich man never really came into it for me,admittedly.

And then, last week, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long,long time. A streak of pure, unadulterated happiness, sheer bliss that I barely even recognised. And I realsied something then. I realised that this feeling could not be recreated with money, or expensive things. It was something totally removed from affluence or whatever. It was because I was with my friends and we were having a good time and I confided something in one of my friends and he was great about it. It was because my life, outside the realm of finance, was good, and I was satisfied with it.

So even apart from the idea of marrying rich guys for money, I know that it doesn't equal happiness. And if you're sacrificing love for money (well,I believe anyway) it's a monumental sacrifice to make. Not that I know many people who I think will ever do that,mind you.

Dudess

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about, Almostnever. I'm lucky enough to have experienced it more than once. At the same time though, in terms of the material, while I'm not earning a lot of money, I still have all I need - place to live, car, regular income (if modest) during these lean times, savings (thank **** my last job paid well :pac:), enough money to go out every week, enough money to go for a nice lunch/dinner every so often, enough money to buy choons, books and clothes (if from New Look - Brown Thomas? What's that? :pac:), enough money for mobile broadband and multi-channel, and family support if any of the above goes wrong.
But yeah, I'm far from loaded. However, I'm self sufficient, so a guy's income isn't a concern for me.

Emme

Most women don't marry for money - we would prefer to earn our own and be secure in our own right. Unfortunately there are shallow people of both genders - women who marry for money and aren't bothered about much else, and men who marry a hot young trophy wife and aren't bothered about much else. They deserve each other.

dublingal80

my oh isnt rich at all... both of us are on an average wage, and that would never be a reason not to date him. he makes me smile, laugh and is my best friend, everything i wanted Where as i have a friend who does go for guys that she can get something out of. one guy knew a couple of "famous" people so she tried to date him to meet them too, didnt work. next guy she only sees every 2 weeks due to the hours he works but he is loaded so thats her reasoning.
sure, each to their own. i couldnt do it but if it makes her happy:)

old hippy

I don't know any gold diggers. I think people I know measure success by how happy someone is, not by any material surface appearances.

And money and its trappings don't automatically equal happiness or richness of character.

WindSock

jellie wrote: »

i find this thread a bit weird. youre female arent you? but you sound surprised that your friends havent married for money?

you refer to it as a theory but theory implies there is some sort of substantial evidence to back up such a statement - to me its more of a stereotype and an insulting one at that.

Yeah, that's the aim I was going for with the title. Sorry it wasn't very clear, I was just sort of throwing it up there as it seems to be a statement thrown around a lot regarding what some guys (or a lot?) think it's what women want....yet from my experience, it isn't.

Plus, I was drunk