Jesus Christ: Lust for Glory

RonMexico

So that was the original title for The Life of Brian.:D

If you were making a movie about Jesus what genre would it be and what would you call it?

Biggins

"May the farce be with you!" - Historic

Fago!

Black Jesus!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKIKKXm6Mlk

brummytom

I'd make a porno based loosely on, and named, the Stations of the Cross

eg:
Jesus meets the daughters of Jerusalem
Jesus is stripped of His garments
Jesus is nailed

Biggins

brummytom wrote: »

I'd make a porno based loosely on the Stations of the Cross

eg:
Jesus meets the daughters of Jerusalem
Jesus is stripped of His garments
Jesus is nailed

...and then Jesus comes again!
He gets a resurrection! :eek:

landsleaving

Porn, obviously. Anything else would just be sacrilege.

'The Immaculate Erection'

'And on the third day it rose AGAIN!' No wonder the women got a fright.

Closed ac

'You don't mess with the Jews'

Fago!

Imagine Jesus in porno... He'd be going for facking ages....

gbee

But, like NAMA, why has the Roman Empire survived for two thousand years longer than anyone thinks?

Category: Fact:
The Most Gullible Peoples On Earth apart from the Mus ... somethings and how George Bush could bomb his own country and have million believe it was the Romans who crucified Christ ....

minidazzler

brummytom wrote: »

I'd make a porno based loosely on, and named, the Stations of the Cross

eg:
Jesus meets the daughters of Jerusalem
Jesus is stripped of His garments
Jesus is nailed

I NEVER pay for porn, but I would pay for that!

OutlawPete

Horror / Porn / Tear Jerker / Revenge Flick

"Suffer, little children, who come on to me"

RonMexico

Jesus H. Christ in Pulpit Fiction - Fantasy

bonerm

Hairy Nutter and the Tablets of Liar.

(genre = fantasy)

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Blasphemy...!!!





















Joking :P

4zn76tysfajdxp

gbee wrote: »

Category: Fact:
The Most Gullible Peoples On Earth apart from the Mus ... somethings and how George Bush could bomb his own country and have million believe it was the Romans who crucified Christ ....

What the bloody heck are you talking about?

RayM

Weekend at Christ's
Weekend at Christ's II

RonMexico

Virgin On The Ridiculous: One Womans Struggle Against Reality. - Romantic Comedy

CreepingDeath

Religion - the greatest pyramid scheme by JHC.

RonMexico

Jesus Christ or How I learned to stop thinking and love the lord.

Yakult

The Priests and baby Jesus.


Rated R for retarded.

ejmaztec

"Walking on the water boy" and not starring that wanker Adam Sandler, even though he's Jewish.

Delirium

the loaves and fishes (an educational video on how to feed people on a budget)

noodletop

jesus "first blood"

action flic about what really happened on that hill

Corkfeen

Cocktail(not a porno).
Tagline: You Supply the water, he supplies the juice. (Okay it sounds a bit like a porno.) Who needs wine when you can turn water into vodka.;)

Scenes Include juggling of crucifixes(which mix the drinks for you) and jogging over the river lee after a night of heavy drinking.:p

ejmaztec

Jesus and Kumar Get The Munchies

MikeC101

RayM wrote: »

Weekend at Christ's
Weekend at Christ's II

Would the apostles drag his corpse around and pretend he was still alive? Because I would definitely watch that movie.

I'd also like to see something featuring Raptor Jesus

RonMexico

Jesus Christ in:

Dazed and Confused: The Resurrection.

The Ultimate Stoner Movie.

Fear Uladh

Jesus and his 12 bitches.

rodgered

High School Jewsical!
A musical about jesus' life through high school! No doubt the film would be as shíte as the title!

Rented Mule

RonMexico wrote: »

If you were making a movie about Jesus what genre would it be and what would you call it?

The Original Wedding Crasher

Biggins

The Godfcuker - porn
Lord of the Ring - porn
10 things I masterbate about jew! - porn

simu

Down and Out in Jerusalem... hard-hitting, grainy social realism set amongst the underclasses of Judean society. It would be a mix of the Gospels, Trainspotting and Ken Loach. And in the original Aramaic w. subtitles bien sur!

Fear Uladh

Jesus white and the 12 dwarfs.

loveissucide

I'd have him and John The Baptist teaming up as a good cop/bad cop duo taking evildoers to justice.

Tigger

Derek Bitter Drug wrote: »

What the bloody heck are you talking about?

he belives 911 was a black op

like the murder of christ

Calibos

Judea Nights - Film about pornos
Airplane 0000 - Starring Pontius Pilot

loveissucide

Maybe a film focusing on his time in the sect which is discussed in the Dead Sea Scrolls, in which Jesus and his fellow sect members fend off some demented cult bent on chaos.

Giselle

Jesus Of Nazareth...The Man, The Magik, The Mythology...Mockumentary

How I Turned Wine Into Water....Documentary

Jesus Gump...He Thought his Mother Was a Virgin, He Thought His Father Was God. He went on to Rule the World! ....Comedy-Drama

ejmaztec

Something About Mary

With Angel Gabriel Byrne in a supporting role.

Calibos

Script excerpt from the new sequel to Life of Brian

An Appostle enters Jesus' Tomb.

Appostle Doubting Thomas: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The Appostle James does not respond.)

Thomas: 'Ello, mate?

James: What do you mean "mate"?

Thomas: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

James: We're closin' the tomb for lunch.

Thomas: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this ticket to see the risen Messiah what I purchased not half an hour ago from outside this very tomb.

James: Oh yes, the, uh, Lamb of God...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Thomas: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

James: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resurrecting.

Thomas: Look, matey, I know a dead messiah when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

James: No no he's not dead, he's, he's resurrectin'! Remarkable blonde hair, the Blue eyed Jew, idn'it, ay? Beautiful Blue eyes!

Thomas: The Blue eyes don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

James: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resurrecting!

Thomas: All right then, if he's resurrectin', I'll wake him up! (shouting over the shoulder of the appostle painting a face on the shroud) 'Ello, Christ Jesus! I've got a lovely fresh wafer and glass of fine red wine for you if you
show...

(James hits the shrouded Messiah)

James: There, he moved!

Thomas: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the Shroud!

James: I never!!

Thomas: Yes, you did!

James: I never, never did anything...

Thomas: (yelling and hitting the Shroud repeatedly) 'ELLO Yahshuah !!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Messiah out of the shroud and thumps his head on the boulder. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.)

Thomas: Now that's what I call a dead messiah.

James: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Thomas: STUNNED?!?

James: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Blonde Blue eyed Jews stun easily, mate.

Thomas: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Messiah is definitely deceased, and when I witnessed his death sentance not 3 days ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to im bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged cruxifiction.

James: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for his Lord.

Thomas: PININ' for his Lord?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I tried to sit him up?

James: The Blue eyed Jew prefers keepin' on 'is back! Remarkable Messiah, id'nit, squire? Lovely Blonde 'air!

Thomas: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Messiah when he was still on the cross, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his Cross in the first place was that he had been NAILED there.

(pause)

James: Well, o'course 'e was nailed there! If the Romans hadn't nailed that Messiah down, 'e would have nuzzled up to those ropes binding'im, tore 'em apart with 'is teeth, and ......
VOOM! Feeweeweewee! away on a cloud!!

Thomas: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this Messiah wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him or a naked Mary Magdelene in front of 'im. 'E's bleedin' demised!

James: No no! 'E's pining!

Thomas: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Messiah is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the cross 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-Messiah!!

(pause)

James: Well, I'd better hide the body then. You tell everyone we came back and 'e was gone, flew away on a cloud or summat

Thomas: I see. I see, I get the picture.

James: Do this for me and I'll let you go all Leviticus in my ass. You are circumcised aren't you??

(pause)

James: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Thomas: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Calibos

Goldilocks. - The story of a Messiah who faces discrimination in his homeland just because he is different. The trials and tribulations of a Blonde Haired Blue eyed 30 year old Virgin Jew in a land of brownish people.

muppetkiller

Jesus Vs Predator !

The Predators hunt down Jesus skin him alive and wonder what all the fuss was about...3 days later on the Predator Home World his body goes missing...

Do the Predators have enough money to fight off the oncoming church and are their children safe...Either way it'll be one holy mess.

PeterIanStaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QJO6zC3r5I

Benny Hill presents Jesus. :D

builttospill

I'm not There

For Forks Sake

Jewrassic Park

rgt320q

I'd make a porno set post-crucifixion. Y'know, just to see what pisses people off more: the necrophilia or the fact that it's Jesus.

Kiith

The Good, The Bad and Jesus.

recylingbin

I'm glad they didn't call it JC: Lust for glory.
Otherwise they wouldn't have had the moral high ground when tearing the god botherers a new one here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqAHHhr7vmU

can't find the full vid, unfortunately.

Abrasax

The Fashion of the Christ.
Sandals and loincloth make a comeback on the catwalk.



not a movie, I know

Voodu Child

Honey, I Shrunk the Kiddy-fiddler.

Piste

Jesus takes on Pilate- a fitness video where Jesus teaches you to lose weight and tone up using gentle exercises and stretching.