Any good way to admit to cheating?

jimmypitt

Being going out with GF for the last 3 years.

Slipped up Saturday night - first time ever.

Plan to tell her in a quiet area (our apartment) where by she can go mad and throw stuff at me.

Any thoughts?

Wurly

jimmypitt wrote: »

Being going out with GF for the last 3 years.

Slipped up Saturday night - first time ever.

Plan to tell her in a quiet area (our apartment) where by she can go mad and throw stuff at me.

Any thoughts?

Yes you're right to tell her somewhere private, I think.

I admire the fact that you're going to tell her. Many blokes wouldn't bother.

However, you are aware you've slipped up. So just don't expect a happy ending.

Cheap Thrills!

Did you wear a condom?

Quality

Don't tell her. If it was meaningless just don't do it again. It will fcuk up your relationship and break her heart if you do tell her.

Canard

I disagree, I'd prefer to know. If you dont tell her you'll end up with different ideas of the relationship imo, like 'oh he loves me and would never cheat' versus 'i love her but ive cheated by mistake'. To me, if I was her, it'd look a bit like not wanting to take responsibility.

Just my idea though, but if I were to tell someone I'd do it softly but quickly.

D-Generate

Don't tell. No one is a winner. If you feel like you might do it again then break up but otherwise shut up. The one thing you will have to live with though besides guilt is the thought in your head saying "If i got away with it so easily it could mean likewise is happening to me"....

Virgil°

I really hope i never understand the mentality behind not being honest with a partner about something like this. I don't buy this" it will really hurt her so don't tell", this is an excuse to feel better about getting away with it. You can dress it up whatever way you like but its an excuse.

Right away from that rant it sounds like you've already made up your mind and thats good. As said before don't expect this to end well. Dp as you planned tell her in a private place and let her vent in whatever way she pleases.Then leave. If she wants to consider the relationship again she knows where to find you.
For what its worth you'd have some respect from me for biting the bullet.

Wurly

D-Generate wrote: »

Don't tell. No one is a winner. If you feel like you might do it again then break up but otherwise shut up. The one thing you will have to live with though besides guilt is the thought in your head saying "If i got away with it so easily it could mean likewise is happening to me"....

Quality wrote: »

Don't tell her. If it was meaningless just don't do it again. It will fcuk up your relationship and break her heart if you do tell her.

So basically he should continue the rest of his relationship on a lie?

He gets to do what he likes provided she doesn't find out?

Does the girl not deserve to know that she is with a cheat?

Sorry but put yourself in the girl's shoes for a minute. If he doesn't tell her, then she is being denied information that she has every right to know. To not tell is completely and utterly selfish and shows a complete lack of respect for the partner.

To be lied and deceived hurts like f*cking hell. But it's still better than not knowing. If he didn't tell her and it came out down the line, she'd feel like a fool and would probably not trust him again.

At least the OP shows a bit of backbone by telling her. This may strengthen the case for him and his girlfriend to work things out.

seenitall

OP, you may be a cheat, but you are obviously not a liar, and THAT is something that is quite admirable and, unfortunately, rare in this day and age (as it is sooooo much easier for cheats to never admit - therefore heaping insult upon injury if/when truth eventually comes out). So good on you.

Tell her in privacy, look her in the eye and be honest. She will have questions, and be there for her questions and her tears. There is nothing more that you can do at this point. Your relationship might go all downhill from now on (or might not - hopefully), but one thing you will have is the self-respect for knowing yourself to have some integrity at least (therefore separating yourself from the majority of cheaters).

Reading up on the subject on cheating recently, one theory of reconciliation is that it is something that a lot of people can and will forgive, and trust can be restored, under the condition that all their questions about hows, whys and wherefores of cheating are honestly answered, to the point that the whole episode itself eventually becomes sort of old hat between the two people. Sounds plausible enough to me.

Good luck.

minidazzler

As Quality said if it was meaningless don't tell her.

Ask yourself what purpose telling her will serve?

It's not going to strengthen your relationship at all, it will simply serve to have her not trust you.

Everyone makes mistakes, so don't do it again, and don't tell her.

If she finds out 20 years from now, she's not gonna be as hurt, if you tell her now she will be more hurt as she will think there is a problem with the relationship in it's current form.

If ths was a one time accidental thing, that was caused by no problems in your relationship and you want to stay with her then telling her is the wrong move. It will lead to her doubting you and your entire relationship.

littlefriend

If it was a one off - don't tell her.
If you planned it - tell her.

seenitall

littlefriend, minidazzler and the rest,

would you be happy enough if your cheating partner followed the same advice on this board as you are giving this guy now? Somehow, I can't quite picture it. Not unless the life of an ostrich with his head firmly in the sand appeals to you more than a life of a respectful and self-respecting human being.

Would you rather know that your gf/bf has cheated on you now, or 20 years down the line?

Pain and hurting are part and parcel of life. I would argue even that they are ESPECIALLY part and parcel of significant relationships. Nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes and hurt other people when making them. But the choice we CAN make is to respect a partner by dignifying them with the truth, or to disrespect them by taking the choice of what to do about having been cheated on from them (the second option is convenient ONLY for the cheater, make no mistake - as they so rightly say, knowledge is power; by denying her knowledge, you are disempowering her; not very loving, eh?).

minidazzler

seenitall wrote: »

littlefriend, minidazzler and the rest,

would you be happy enough if your cheating partner followed the same advice on this board as you are giving this guy now? Somehow, I can't quite picture it. Not unless the life of an ostrich with his head firmly in the sand appeals to you more than a life of a respectful and self-respecting human being.

Would you rather know that your gf/bf has cheated on you now, or 20 years down the line?

If my cheating partner (who doesnt exist BTW) followed this same advice properly, I wouldn't know about it.

If I found out about it 20 years down the line and they say they have never done it again, I have no reason to not trust them on that.

Telling someone "I cheated on you 20 years ago, I don't know why, I have regretted it ever since and I love you more than anything."

is surely gonna get a better response than.

"I cheated on you last week, I don't know why, I have regretted it ever since and I love you more than anything".

Because logically, one can assume that if it was a one time thing 20 years ago and you have had an otherwise blissful 20 years together that you aren't gonna throw it away for something that happened then.

But if it happened last week, that's all trust gone now and not able to be brought back up to scratch. She will always have doubts.

Wanting to know is one thing, needing to know is another entirely.

He says it's the first time, it seems like he doesn't want to do it again. This isn't him hiding his infidelity, it's preserving his relationship.

Nothing changes if he doesn't tell her, he keeps feeling guilty, but she never knows.

EVERYTHING changes if he does tell her.

If his cheating was a nothing, and he believes won't happen again, then I can't see any logical reason he would or should.

There are plenty of emotional arguements for him to tell her, but the risks here are far greater than any possible good outcome.

ash23

OP just tell her. She has a right to know. In answer to the question "is there any good way to tell her" the answer is no, not really. Tell her at home. Be honest and remorseful And if she needs time afterwards to think, then give her time. Don't pester her for a response.

For those saying not to tell her, this guy doesn't have th right to withold information about something he has done which may change her feelings about him. Nobody should make decisions for another person and lying about cheating is doing just that.

This girl shouldn't have to spend 20 years with this guy if cheating is something she wouldn't tolerate just so he can save his skin. It will hurt her but I don't think it's fair to lie about something to someone and let them make decisions about their lives based on that lie.

As for the 20 years later thing, well I'd be horrified that a man had let me get engaged, get married and have children with him while keeping such a monumental thing from me. And saying he hadn't done it since wouldn't mean a jot. He would have been lieing to me for 20 years.....why would I believe him that it hadn't happened since. It would also taint all my happy memories that he had this knowledge and let me believe he was faithful and would never cheat. I'd feel like an idiot and like he felt I was an idiot.

And THAT is how it feels to find out about cheating down the line. Been there, have the t-shirt.

littlefriend

seenitall wrote: »

littlefriend, minidazzler and the rest,

would you be happy enough if your cheating partner followed the same advice on this board as you are giving this guy now? Somehow, I can't quite picture it. Not unless the life of an ostrich with his head firmly in the sand appeals to you more than a life of a respectful and self-respecting human being.

Would you rather know that your gf/bf has cheated on you now, or 20 years down the line?

Pain and hurting are part and parcel of life. I would argue even that they are ESPECIALLY part and parcel of significant relationships. Nobody's perfect, we all make mistakes and hurt other people when making them. But the choice we CAN make is to respect a partner by dignifying them with the truth, or to disrespect them by taking the choice of what to do about having been cheated on from them (the second option is convenient ONLY for the cheater, make no mistake - as they so rightly say, knowledge is power; by denying her knowledge, you are disempowering her; not very loving, eh?).

I do understand where you are coming from, I just don't think she needs to know if, for example, the op was blind drunk and he briefly kissed some randomer.
I've read his post again though and he doesn't sound particularly remorseful. Also, I get the impression the encounter was probably more than a quick kiss - in which case I think he should tell her.

I don't ever understand people who think the cheated on partner 'doesn't have a right to know/need to know'. Of course they bloody do. How condescending to take decisions about a relationship out of someone's hands. She deserves to have all the info, and then she can decide what to do with it. Fair play to the OP for having the balls to fess up. Cheating is quite bad but lying about it is 100 times worse.

Princessa

[quote=[Deleted User];65174754]I don't ever understand people who think the cheated on partner 'doesn't have a right to know/need to know'. Of course they bloody do. How condescending to take decisions about a relationship out of someone's hands. She deserves to have all the info, and then she can decide what to do with it. Fair play to the OP for having the balls to fess up. Cheating is quite bad but lying about it is 100 times worse.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree, i am actually gob smacked that there are posters on here that think its ok that he doesnt tell his girlfreind...:eek:

Of course it will hurt her, theres no avoiding that, but i would much prefer for my partner to tell me about his slip up, then walking through town and x, y or z coming up to me saying "Oh did ye break up, i heard he was with abc on sat night".
That would destroy me, not only would you have cheated but you would have hidden it from me.

By admitting it, you are conveying to her, i know i mad a mistake and it will never happen again, if she found out and you've hidden it from her it will be worse in the long run.

kryogen

Simply put, if it was a genuine mistake, unlikely to happen again and there is no chance, and i mean no chance, of your g/f finding out, then keep it to yourself, you will just have to live with the guilt

noone benefits from telling her the truth, she gets her heart broke, you lose your other half the emotional response is obviously to come clean but logically, if you guys have a good relationship and you know you were in the wrong and will take steps to ensure it doesnt happen again then the best course is to just live with it

this is null and void if there is any way she can find out, any way at all because if she does find out from someone else, it is 100x worse

tough spot OP

No way to find out/never going to happen again = live with the guilt in silence
Any way at all to find out = come clean and hope for a miracle

best of luck

Miss Fluff

I can see both sides of the argument in this instance. Yes, part of you would want to know, a relationship is meant to be built on trust and respect.

But if it genuinely meant nothing and it would destroy a very happy relationship then I don't think it's a good idea to tell her and you'll just have to live with the guilt.

BUT, the crux of the matter here is how this all came about. What constitutes as a slip up? Did you kiss someone or sleep with someone? Who is this someone? Was it a randomer? Or was it someone you have had a flirty relationship with for a long time, i.e. the girl who sits beside you in work who'd bones you'd jump if you were single? A lot of it depends on the details of the who/what/where/when/why. Nothing is ever black and white my friend.

Black Swan

jimmypitt wrote: »

Slipped up Saturday night - first time ever...
Any thoughts?

This speaks to your relationship? Is it real, lost what it once was, make-believe, or just a convenience until someone more attractive comes along?

The fact that you "slipped up" says a lot. I think it's over, if it ever was, and you should consider what it will be like to move on without her.

Communicationb

Personally I dont see the point in telling her save to ease your own guilt.

In my experience it only does more harm than good and the relationship between you will NEVER be the same again.

When that trust is gone...it never returns.

It is not worth it. Learn your lesson and move on.

bambera

I would not like to be the one wearing roses tinted glasses in a relationship, thinking that everything's great when the truth is the other person has this big dark secret.

And for those who say it's not so bad if they find out 20 years on down the line, imo its every bit as bad. You took that decision away from them all those years ago. It doesn't matter if it was last week or twenty years ago, fact is you still cheated and I'd feel as if I was tricked into staying in a relationship instead of choosing to if this secret was kept from me for that long.

Op, you screwed up, but at least your not a coward who can't admit to making a mistake.

bambera

Communicationb wrote: »

Personally I dont see the point in telling her save to ease your own guilt.

In my experience it only does more harm than good and the relationship between you will NEVER be the same again.

When that trust is gone...it never returns.

It is not worth it. Learn your lesson and move on.

Trusting someone who in reality can't be trusted. Priceless.

Communicationb

bambera wrote: »

Trusting someone who in reality can't be trusted. Priceless.

Can anyone really be trusted? It was a one time mistake.

Barracudaincork

Tell her, end of.

For those saying the trust will be broken in the relationship etc, it already has been, it was broken last sat night when he cheated and he needs to own up to his mistake and let her decide what she wants to do, what happens to the relationship is no longer a decision he is allowed to make, he made his decisions about the relationship when he cheated, now its her turn.

bambera

Communicationb wrote: »

Can anyone really be trusted? It was a one time mistake.

When you enter a one on one relationship, that's how it generally goes.

If one person cheats and doesn't tell cause there afraid the other person won't trust them anymore is just silly, cause they've already proved they can't be trusted anyway.

Barracudaincork

Communicationb wrote: »

Can anyone really be trusted? It was a one time mistake.

Well has only been less than a week, so it was unlikely he would make the same mistake twice in the one week. The OP does not say he would never do this again, he only said it was the first time!

pookie82

Why on earth have the don't-tell-your-GF-you-cheated-suck-it-up-and-lie-forever-more brigade hijacked this thread?? The OP has made up his mind. He's telling her, he has decided to salvage what possible respect she may be able to conjure up for him by coming clean.

Firstly, I have respect for you OP, not as a cheater obviously (but we all make mistakes) but as someone who is willing to deal with the consequences like an adult who respects his parter. I was only talking about this with some friends the other day who asked if I could forgive cheating - you know what my honest response was? I think I could if it was a one off and he TOLD ME HIMSELF. Believe me, she finds out about this down the line and you're going to have one hell of a battle on your hands. Tell her now, shortly after the event and full of remorse, you might be able to save something.

One of my mates took back a cheating BF once but she couldn't ever trust him again when he was away - not because he had slipped up and cheated, but because he had lied for a year afterwards about it.

Best of luck with it.

jenga-jen

OP well done for deciding to tell her, and I'm hoping here that the 'don't tell' brigade don't sway you.

It would be a complete dealbreaker for most women to find out that this happened at anytime after, say, the first week. You're doing the right thing by giving her the information so that she can make her own decisions.

That said, in the meantime consider why this 'slip' (although i'm wary of what this entailed) happened and your feelings around it. If it's a genuine mistake and you love your gf then concentrate on hopefully getting past this. If there's anything more to it or to your feelings atm then I think you need to figure out if you're looking for fogiveness or a way out.

Best of luck!

xzanti

Tell her, she deserves the truth, then she can decide what she wants to do when she has all the information, I know it would hurt me more to find out some other way than him just telling me, it would definately be the end if he didn't have the balls to just come out and tell me.

Best of luck with it, whatever happens at least you can say you had the integrity to man up about it.

Emme

Why do men feel the need to cheat on their girlfriends? It's despicable, especially if you lead the person you cheat with to believe that you're single.

If you chased the girl you cheated with you deserve what you get when you tell your gf. About a month ago I met a nice single guy (or thought I did :rolleyes:) and the first time we met I played hard to get. He chased me and as soon as we got together he lost interest and blanked me the next time he saw me. A mutual friend told me that he has had a gf for a year and didn't want me to know about her and didn't want her to know about me. I thought "cheatingscumbaggob****e". I feel sorry for the gf but the only person who has a right to tell her he cheated is the bf.

Tell your gf. You only have yourself to blame for the consequences of your cheating. If she forgives you consider yourself very very lucky and don't do it again. If she doesn't forgive you don't take it out on the rest of the women out there.

At least you have the decency to tell her. For that reason I hope it goes well for you.

wicklori

You asked for advice on HOW to tell your OH you cheated not IF you should tell her.

Personally I'd very much prefer not to know unless there was any risk I might find out from someone else or if it was an ongoing affair as opposed to a meaningless whatever... That said that wasn't what your question was.

I think you are right about the quiet apartment idea. Expect an emotional response and also potentially, depending on her personality lots and lots of questions. You may decide some of these questions are not in her interest to be answered but think this out in advance. You need to know what your preferred outcome is. If you are holding out hopes of retrieving the relationship then you probably have to be prepared to do anything-move out temporarily, go for couple counselling, answer 1million questions every day, do whatever it takes to prove to her that you are genuinely sorry; never planned it and it will never happen again.

Only say things that are 100% true. Now is no time for bending the truth. You can never lie again.

Good luck, I hope you both get the best result possible.

ilovetosing

Emme wrote: »

Why do men feel the need to cheat on their girlfriends? It's despicable, especially if you lead the person you cheat with to believe that you're single.

If you chased the girl you cheated with you deserve what you get when you tell your gf. About a month ago I met a nice single guy (or thought I did :rolleyes:) and the first time we met I played hard to get. He chased me and as soon as we got together he lost interest and blanked me the next time he saw me. A mutual friend told me that he has had a gf for a year and didn't want me to know about her and didn't want her to know about me. I thought "cheatingscumbaggob****e". I feel sorry for the gf but the only person who has a right to tell her he cheated is the bf.

Tell your gf. You only have yourself to blame for the consequences of your cheating. If she forgives you consider yourself very very lucky and don't do it again. If she doesn't forgive you don't take it out on the rest of the women out there.

At least you have the decency to tell her. For that reason I hope it goes well for you.

Homewrecker :rolleyes: This happens to guys too just so you know tho!

Tell her OP but my own personal take on this thing is once you cheat the relationship is as good as dead so be prepared! Unless you are both sure u can get over it and you can live happily without being reminded of it forever!!

Emme

ilovetosing wrote: »

Homewrecker :rolleyes: This happens to guys too just so you know tho!

You calling me a homewrecker?:mad: I thought he was SINGLE!!! I played hard to get, he CHASED me! People in relationships should have tattoos on their foreheads to warn everyone else off.

G-Money

Emme wrote: »

Why do men feel the need to cheat on their girlfriends?

Bit of a swooping and untrue generalisation there. Plenty of girls have posted on here about cheating too, some more remorseful than others as well.

OP, it's really up to you. If the situation was reversed, would you want her to tell you?

You also haven't said how far you went. Was it a drunken grope or snog? Was it full sex?

For me, I think if a girl cheated on me, I'd ditch her straight away and never speak to her again. For one thing, I could never trust her again. Anytime she'd be late, or out with her friends or whatever, I'd always be wondering if she was telling the truth or was she out with some other guy.

While telling her might alleviate your conscience, it could also very well end the relationship. Also, if you had sex, did you use protection? If not, you could very well be exposing her to health risks also.

At least you acknowledge you've done something wrong and aren't concerned with trying to cover your tracks and making sure someone doesn't find out. I've read threads on here about people cheating and it's been a bit sickening to see them have no guilt, and are only concerned with not getting caught (so they most likely can do it again).

All the best.

Emme

grandmaster wrote: »

Bit of a swooping and untrue generalisation there. Plenty of girls have posted on her about cheating too, some more remorseful than others as well.

OK, I stand corrected, but I am a heterosexual female so would not encounter women looking to cheat on their partners.

pookie82

grandmaster wrote: »

While telling her might alleviate your conscience, it could also very well end the relationship.

Whenever this issue arises (to tell or not to tell) it amuses me that people think coming CLEAN is a get out clause for someone's guilty conscience. You get comments like "don't tell her, you're just trying to heal a guilty conscience by doing so but it's not worth it". I really don't understand this. It makes it sound like the act of true martyrdom to keep it to yourself, like something only a real hero would do - as if people who come clean are only doing so for selfish reasons.

This is utter crap. People who come clean are almost always well aware of the potential consequneces but they do it anyway and it's most certainly not to give themselves a break... they do it because they respect the other person enough to let THEM make the decision about their partner with all the facts. No one does it as a get out clause and pretending that keeping it from her will make the cheater suffer even more and therefore "do the right thing" is so skewed IMO. I really hate that excuse.

Not telling my OH I cheated on him and dealing with the guilt alone would be NOTHING compared to telling him and dealing with the agony that would follow but guess what - I'd do the latter, because I respect him enough to let him know all of the facts about who he's with and what he's investing his time and heart in.

G-Money

pookie82 wrote: »

Whenever this issue arises (to tell or not to tell) it amuses me that people think coming CLEAN is a get out clause for someone's guilty conscience. You get comments like "don't tell her, you're just trying to heal a guilty conscience by doing so but it's not worth it". I really don't understand this. It makes it sound like the act of true martyrdom to keep it to yourself, like something only a real hero would do - as if people who come clean are only doing so for selfish reasons.

This is utter crap. People who come clean are almost always well aware of the potential consequneces but they do it anyway and it's most certainly not to give themselves a break... they do it because they respect the other person enough to let THEM make the decision about their partner with all the facts. No one does it as a get out clause and pretending that keeping it from her will make the cheater suffer even more and therefore "do the right thing" is so skewed IMO. I really hate that excuse.

Not telling my OH I cheated on him and dealing with the guilt alone would be NOTHING compared to telling him and dealing with the agony that would follow but guess what - I'd do the latter, because I respect him enough to let him know all of the facts about who he's with and what he's investing his time and heart in.

I wasn't advocating that by not telling her that he is somehow "taking one for the team" and sparing her suffering, nor was I saying it definitely would make him feel better. I said it might. There's a big difference.

pookie82

grandmaster wrote: »

I wasn't advocating that by not telling her that he is somehow "taking one for the team" and sparing her suffering, nor was I saying it definitely would make him feel better. I said it might. There's a big difference.

That wasn't directed at just you at all, I quoted you because you were the most recent one suggesting that it might help. But I notice it's bandied about a lot when this issue arises in PI/RI - the idea that coming clean to your OH would only serve to benefit the guilty party by alleviating their conscience.

pookie82

Communicationb wrote: »

Personally I dont see the point in telling her save to ease your own guilt.

I should have quoted this.

Barracudaincork

Emme wrote: »

You calling me a homewrecker?:mad: I thought he was SINGLE!!! I played hard to get, he CHASED me! People in relationships should have tattoos on their foreheads to warn everyone else off.

I think he meant the guy, hence why he said this happens to guys too ie they are the single innocent person who has been with someone who made out they were single, but were is fact not.

The tattoo although a good idea, what would happen if you broke up, divorced, died etc? Maybe an identity card system would be better

Communicationb

You can divide the opinions here generally:

Women - Tell her
Men - Let's not be so hasty

It's a typical PI/RI theme. These threads always follow the same lines in the 2yrs and 2000 odd posts.

Lets us know how you get on OP

Barracudaincork

Communicationb wrote: »

You can divide the opinions here generally:

Women - Tell her
Men - Let's not be so hasty

It's a typical PI/RI theme.

No you cant unless you know the gender of all the posters here, and i very much doubt you do!

speedboatchase

Don't do it OP. I understand the indignation and people talking about the gf's right to know BUT the majority of posters here who want him to come clean want him to do it so THEY feel better, and realise it will probably end his relationship anyway. If it's a once-off with complete randomer and no loose ends (people who seen it who he knows) he has the choice to live with that shame of knowing what he did, repenting every day in how he treats her and continuing the relationship. It WILL hurt her more if she finds out down the line though - so what are the chances of that happening? If they're less than non-existent, tell her. If they're not, my advice is to not say anything if you want the relationship to continue.

Think about why you did it though before you make a decision - maybe you wanted out but wanted to be "honourable" by coming clean

ps. do you use your username for other accounts? should've went unreg

Communicationb

Barracudaincork wrote: »

No you cant unless you know the gender of all the posters here, and i very much doubt you do!

I would be willing to bet that it is the case....;)

pookie82

BUT the majority of posters here who want him to come clean want him to do it so THEY feel better, and realise it will probably end his relationship anyway.

How exactly is him telling his partner going to make me feel better? It has no impact on me at all at the end of the day. Besides which, I can't believe people are still wasting their time with this advice. He has already decided.

It WILL hurt her more if she finds out down the line though - so what are the chances of that happening? If they're less than non-existent, tell her.

Honestly, in the age of facebook, camera phones, drunkenness and gossip, there's very very little chance that it could NEVER EVER get back to her. It's a brave man who takes that chance. Unless he was on a lone trip to Japan when it happened there's someone somewhere who will have spotted it. Whether they keep it to themselves is another thing. How does he know whoever he cheated with won't blab?

Sharlovesjohn

Communicationb wrote: »

I would be willing to bet that it is the case....;)

Well if thats the case shouldnt he not go with the girls

wicklori

Communicationb wrote: »

I would be willing to bet that it is the case....;)

Ahem! I don't agree with telling her and I'm female.... Well I wouldn't want to know myself is what I said...

But! We weren't asked whether he should tell her-he has that decision made. We were asked how he best could do it.

Barracudaincork

Communicationb wrote: »

I would be willing to bet that it is the case....;)

wicklori wrote: »

Ahem! I don't agree with telling her and I'm female.....

Should of made a bet with you

as the girlfriend is a girl surely what girls would want should be the way to go? and according to you thats tell her.

Maguined

OP just be straight up and tell her, I would not make any statements about your intent ie you made a mistake but you want her to forgive you and expect the relationship to continue, just stick to telling her what you did and that you are sorry and let her decide if she wants to forgive you or end things.

I honestly think all those people suggesting not telling the girlfriend are just being extremely selfish as I think it is selfish for one person in a relationship to decide what is and not acceptable. Why do you justify if it was a once off as acceptable and so no point telling? if you can decide what is and is not acceptable for your partner then surely they can do the same thing? if they decided they could cheat as frequently as they wanted to but there is no point telling you as that would just hurt you so it is better to keep the relationship going while cheating do you feel that is justified?

Relationships is what is acceptable for both parties not just one person and it is just plain selfish to remove the partners choice on something like this.

wicklori

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Should of made a bet with you

as the girlfriend is a girl surely what girls would want should be the way to go? and according to you thats tell her.

No... according to me-don't tell her!