Michael Bublé is being stalked by a velociraptor

Sarky

http://bubleraptor.tumblr.com/

Frankly, I'm amazed the man has survived for so long. His survival skills must be even better than his singing.

Were you ever hunted by one of these merciless killing machines? If so, how did you manage to survive?

Shiminay

I trained that particular raptor. She was very willing to help me out as she thinks he's lovely. I think she's a granny raptor or something...

Glenster

Kharn wrote: »

She was very willing to help me out as she thinks he's lovely.

She was just lulling you into a false sense of security so you could be attacked, not from the front, but from the side, the other two raptors you never knew were there.

Sarky

Clever girl!

the_syco

Kharn wrote: »

I trained that particular raptor.

I want a refund: the f**ker is still alive :mad:

BigDuffman

Sarky wrote: »

Clever girl!

Beat me too it! Heroic quote

Glenster

BigDuffman wrote: »

Beat me too it! Heroic quote

Whole reason he started the thread. I felt sorry picturing him hunched over the keyboard, his fingers cramping in readiness so I decided to set him up.

Sarky

Hey now, I set this thread up to increase awareness of raptor stalkings. YOU YOURSELF might have a velociraptor stalking you, always just out of sight, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. The people need to know! STOP GETTING IN THE WAY OF FREEDOM YOU COMMUNIST!

The Recliner

Now if we could just set one on Daniel O Donnell we would be sorted

Glenster

Sarky wrote: »

Hey now

I've had it up to here with your constant anti-reptile pro-swing agenda. Give it a rest.

Glenster

The Recliner wrote: »

Now if we could just set one on Daniel O Donnell we would be sorted

We did, but he dodged, parried and ran it over in his combine harvester.

Sarky

Glenster wrote: »

I've had it up to here with your constant anti-reptile pro-swing agenda. Give it a rest.

How many more innocents have to die at the talons of a raptor before you'll see the truth?! They're called COLD-BLOODED for a reason! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE

Glenster

This is all just scaremongering, we cant just marginalise the Raptor community.

We cant wage a war on Velociraptors as a species, we have to address the causes of Velociraptors, poor inner-city raptors are being radicalised because of a lack of opportunities.

We need to form an alliance with industry leaders to create a gateway for young talented raptors to get into beat-boxing and street dancing and give them an opportunity to help themselves.

Sarky

Oh sure, they'll help themselves to our jobs, and our women! As soon as they learned how to open doors they were helping themselves to our tvs and laptops and jewellery! AND A RAPTOR STOLE MY BIKE ONCE.

Glenster

Oh Great! Lets blame eeeeeeeeeverything on the Raptors, it's really easy isn't it?

House robbed? Raptors. Girlfriend left? Raptors. Bike stolen? Raptors. Benefit cheats? Raptors. 9/11? Raptors.

Never mind that they're fleeing a brutal pro-Dilophosaurus regime in eastern europe, never mind that it's their labour that's currently propping up the health service, never mind that their hunting skills has meant that crime has fallen 30%, it's aaaaaallllllllll the Raptors' fault, well great.

Sarky

Don't paint me as some sort of raptorist. One of my close friends is a raptor, ACTUALLY.

That Dilophosaurus business is their own mess, and what are they doing? They're running away instead of taking responsibility for their actions and the direction of THEIR homelands. Does Ireland really need carnivorous reptiles with that kind of attitude? They need to stay at home and sort their own issues out, not quit and come over here to sponge off our generous welfare system!

The Recliner

Ask not what your Raptor can do for you, but what you can do for your Raptor

Glenster

Dont wave your Raptor friends in my face as though that gives you permission to say whatever you want!

Nothing affords you the right to staple platters of iceland treats onto their backs and use them as servers at one of your decadent key parties.

You post here, reeling from your epic cat whack-a-mole failure, solely to vent your impotent frustration on the cold-blooded community. And, I'm sorry, I've had enough. You sir are banned until you can learn to respect others.

Unbelievable........

Sarky

Who the hell do you think you are to ban me?! You clearly haven't heard of freedom of-

*sounds of door splintering*

Who the hell are y-

*sounds of violence*

FASCIST BASTARDS! WHO TIPPED YOU O-

*sounds of punching*

*sounds of policeman being hit with a golf club*

-CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH! RAPTORS ARE ALL THIEVES AND LIARS! THEY'LL TAKE OVER, THEY'LL DRAG THIS COUNTRY INTO THE GUTTER THEY'L MMMPHMMMMMPMMMMMmmmmmm

*sounds fade*

Shiminay

Have you all heard the Good news?

The Recliner

Proof that Raptors are amongst us

the_syco

The Recliner wrote: »

Proof that Raptors are amongst us

Post reported. The one on the right just has a skin disease of some type. The one on the left is truely hideous, though. No wonder Bill went for Monica :pac:

Nerin

well sarky, as you know, i grew up in the wildlands, where the raptors are plentiful.
i had six other siblings, all dead from the childhood raptor trials.
you must respect the beast and never under estimate it.
Its not the one charging you, its the two either side you need to worry about.

sNarah

Poor Mickey Bubbles.

I find that, with velociraptors, you're best off treating them like sharks. Poke em in the eye that is.

Sarky

That can prove a challenge when they learn how to use ranged weapons.

sNarah

Not exactly a ranged weapon, but dear god, i'm sure poking in the eye will proof to be very hard...



This reminds me of a joke.

When a guard asks you to see your "PAPERS" and you answer "SCISSORS", does that mean you win?

Capt'n Midnight

Capt'n Midnight

Sarky

So April 18th was Velociraptor Awareness Day. I trust everyone remained highly aware of raptors all day. Those who didn't are probably all dead.

Solitaire

Yup.

Of course, in some cases they're better off dead.

landsleaving

Velociraptors are small and cuddly compared to whats stalking me.



Also I'm shorter than the person in the picture. Though less blue.

Solitaire

Velociraptors are small and cuddly. Its those goddamn Deinonychi (pl?) you gotta watch for - those are the feckers from Jurassic Park! Velociraptors are smaller. And have slimmer muzzles. And are cuddlier.

Sarky

That is precisely what the raptors WANT you to think. Don't you know they control the media?

jill_valentine

landsleaving wrote: »

Velociraptors are small and cuddly compared to whats stalking me.



Also I'm shorter than the person in the picture. Though less blue.

STOP WAVING YOU FOOL! YOU'RE IN DANGER!

cyberwolf77

Raptors don't worry me..... they f***ing terrify me.

Fago!

I could take a velociraptor! Wimps!

landsleaving

What about the two on either side of you...

too late, they got him.

Fago!

He was dead already

sNarah

Stop the abuse!

Velociraptor are loving and kind creatures that have never meant any harm. Only a small amount of them create problems, therefore aloowing these prejudgemental ideas to keep existing.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH.
Love thou Velociraptor like thou would love thou brother.