Successful marriages - Mooney show

Censorsh!t

Was listening to Derek Mooney on the radio earlier, and there was a study done in Switzerland on around 1000 (i think?) couples about divorce and happy marriages.

They concluded for a happy marriage this is what is ideally needed:

The woman should be 27% more intelligent than the man.
Culture and tradition should be the same.
Woman being 5 years younger than the man.
Neither partner havin been divorced before


Thought it'd be of interest! I personally don't think that you need these factors for a marriage to turn out happy anyway!

dr.bollocko

Censorsh!t wrote: »

Was listening to Derek Mooney on the radio earlier, and there was a study done in Switzerland on around 1000 (i think?) couples about divorce and happy marriages.

They concluded for a happy marriage this is what is ideally needed:

The woman should be 27% more intelligent than the man.
Culture and tradition should be the same.
Woman being 5 years younger than the man.
Neither partner havin been divorced before


Thought it'd be of interest! I personally don't think that you need these factors for a marriage to turn out happy anyway!

Why would you think that the same culture / tradition is important? Or more bafflingly the woman being 5 years younger than the man?
Also how is this intelligence measured? This is a series of very strange and unlikely claims.

liah

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Why would you think that the same culture / tradition is important? Or more bafflingly the woman being 5 years younger than the man?
Also how is this intelligence measured? This is a series of very strange and unlikely claims.

Well, the culture/tradition thing so you have the same general values and outlook and common ground. I can't imagine a girl growing up in a liberal, feminist part of America to end up with your average Shi'ite, can you? The differences would be too great.

Surprisingly many different studies have been conducted through the years to show that marriages tend to last longer and have an overall higher level of happiness if the man is older than the woman. Nobody really knows for sure why, but I'd imagine it has to do with the fact that, as a rule, women mature faster than men, and perhaps the age gap evens it up a bit.

Intelligence could be relative to the couples involved, who knows.

Xiney

Well, I can tell you that if he was to even insinuate that he was smarter than me we wouldn't have a happy marriage

SheRa

Feck, only one out of four for my OH and I, and no Im not saying which one it is:p.

Seriously though, there are mad studies about marriage and relationships all the time, I wouldn't put any more faith in this one than any other.

Edit: Change my mind, its actually 2 out of four.

Giselle

Censorsh!t wrote: »

The woman should be 27% more intelligent than the man.

Woman being 5 years younger than the man.

I'd be happy if he just thought I was 27% more intelligent than I am, and that I looked 5 years younger.:)

Rubbish mostly, but I agree on the common traditions and no previous divorces because those are areas of potential conflict and ongoing aggravation.

Pretty_Pistol

My parents tick all of those boxes. My Dad's lovely but he wouldn't be as smart as my Mam. They also didn't get married until their 30's so they had travelled etc. before settling down if that could be a factor and so maybe there's less resentment.

I think having the same culture and tradition is important. Just look at the threads on the simple thing of which surname your child should have. It's small things like that that can build resentment and wreck a marriage.

Snowie

well ummm i wouldnt mind having a wife whos smarter she can do the budget il play with the kids .... Trampaline wooo

partyguinness

That's the type of crap being peddled on afternoon radio that makes me appreciate the fact I have a full time job......:D

convert

Hmmm, 2 out of 4....

But I don't think that those are the only things upon which we should rely for a happy marriage/relationship. There are so many other issues which aren't even mentioned...

As was mentioned above, all these things are relative, and what applies to one couple may not apply to the next. I think all couples are unique and should be treated as such rather than trying to get them to fit into certain groups or studies.

partyguinness

My wife is:

1. 3 years older
2. Divorced
3. English

4. She runs her own Beauty Therapist business and I have 3 univeristy degrees...but she is prob smarter...

I am fecked....:(

Emme

partyguinness wrote: »

My wife is:

1. 3 years older
2. Divorced
3. English

4. She runs her own Beauty Therapist business and I have 3 univeristy degrees...but she is prob smarter...

I am fecked....:(

Bet you're happy though!:D

partyguinness

Emme wrote: »

Bet you're happy though!:D

Hell yeah....the sex is unreal....:D

Xiney

The important thing to remember is, of course, that statistics never apply directly to individuals.

dr.bollocko

Xiney wrote: »

The important thing to remember is, of course, that statistics never apply directly to individuals.

And are inherently skewed by what metrics are applied to them.
And are at best arbitrary for most of the above.

SugarHigh

liah wrote: »

it has to do with the fact that, as a rule, women mature faster than men, and perhaps the age gap evens it up a bit..

Can you back this up?

Stheno

There was a study out last year which showed roughly the same results, I'll try to look it up tomorrow

It was based on several years research

That said I'd fail on two out of four when I was married and the same in my current relationship!

/rapidly rethinks

dr.bollocko

nouggatti wrote: »

There was a study out last year which showed roughly the same results, I'll try to look it up tomorrow

It was based on several years research

That said I'd fail on two out of four when I was married and the same in my current relationship!

/rapidly rethinks

The trouble with several years of research is it can just be looking at the wrong factors. Confirmation bias, skewing results with metrics, scientific analyses like the above just make me uncomfortable. And they don't really help anyone in the real world either do they?

Stheno

At the end of the day you've got the whole "lies, damned lies and statistics" formula to go on

I'd like to see figures published in studies like these, and strangely I think they were in the one I referenced with comparisons against other marriages.

Like I said I'll look it up tomorrow and hopefully it is as I remember

I think you'll always have the exception to the rule though

dr.bollocko

nouggatti wrote: »

At the end of the day you've got the whole "lies, damned lies and statistics" formula to go on

I'd like to see figures published in studies like these, and strangely I think they were in the one I referenced with comparisons against other marriages.

Like I said I'll look it up tomorrow and hopefully it is as I remember

I think you'll always have the exception to the rule though

Well if you find the paper I'll do my best to destroy the results it attempts to portray. . Not because there are exceptions to rules, simply because things as complex as human relationships being measured in such terms are, well, useless. The data is subject to all kind of random x factors which won't be considered. Seriously. You look at marriages and try to extrapolate things like a woman being 27% smarter being important. How do you measure that? How do you then make an indication that that is important to the relationship?
It's cod psych nonsense!

Truley

liah wrote: »

As a rule, women mature faster than men...

I know it's a widely held belief but I really don't buy that. There are far too many factors to take into account - I find it hard to believe any kind of conclusive evidence can prove such a statement. Women mature differently than men certainly, not necessarily faster...

dr.bollocko

Truley wrote: »

I know it's a widely held belief but I really don't buy that. There are far too many factors to take into account - I find it hard to believe any kind of conclusive evidence can prove such a statement. Women mature differently than men certainly, not necessarily faster...

And even with that in mind at what point have both the woman and the man reached maturity and at what age do most people get married?

gbee

Censorsh!t wrote: »

Thought it'd be of interest! I personally don't think that you need these factors for a marriage to turn out happy anyway!

As all surveys go, it's a snapshot of what worked according to the questionnaire [and obviously the answers to that].

So we find from the sample that the highest success for THOSE marriages had similar correlations.

Now, the bit about the woman being smarter goes against what my own mother told me about finding a mate for life, I believe the woman needs to be less intelligent ~ in fairness, what we, as men demand from our women in the typical Irish culture our women need to be a bit daft.

You can only think about other cultures where women are not considered at all and the males in those cultures see themselves as the creators of all life and has a single minded intention.

However, as a social planner, I'd expect these conditions to be applicable to the results of a social network of the last fifty years in that country. And it shows more how a stable society with strong national views can develop.

In Ireland, we'd need to take this questionnaire in about 100 years time.

gbee

SugarHigh wrote: »

Can you back this up?

You're being either pedantic or showing a lack of sufficient knowledge to understand the complexities of the subject matter at hand.

Girls do mature faster than boys at all levels, however, there are large gaps and fits of development where the male usually passes out their female counterparts ... this is an ongoing study an has no conclusion or viable reasoning.

In families, the six year old girl can 'buy and sell' her older brothers, she usually excels at school [the cartoon Simpson's are a good example] and her grades are usually higher ~ this is the norm, obviously exceptions occur.

Take first year graduation, five classes take the rostrum for the photos .. 80% are females. Jump forward to the PhD and it's ten men and a single woman.

Extraordinary ~ and we can throw a plethora of social issues for the reason for this ~ but it's not known conclusively why.

Women have abilities that men don't, multitasking is one ~ I was in an office once and the receptionist, was chatting to me, talking on the phone and taking calls for others, whilst typing out some dictation and never missing a beat.

But girls and women do mature faster than the males, both physically and psychologically.

partyguinness

gbee wrote: »

You're being either pedantic or showing a lack of sufficient knowledge to understand the complexities of the subject matter at hand.

Girls do mature faster than boys at all levels, however, there are large gaps and fits of development where the male usually passes out their female counterparts ... this is an ongoing study an has no conclusion or viable reasoning.

In families, the six year old girl can 'buy and sell' her older brothers, she usually excels at school [the cartoon Simpson's are a good example] and her grades are usually higher ~ this is the norm, obviously exceptions occur.

Take first year graduation, five classes take the rostrum for the photos .. 80% are females. Jump forward to the PhD and it's ten men and a single woman.

Extraordinary ~ and we can throw a plethora of social issues for the reason for this ~ but it's not known conclusively why.

Women have abilities that men don't, multitasking is one ~ I was in an office once and the receptionist, was chatting to me, talking on the phone and taking calls for others, whilst typing out some dictation and never missing a beat.

But girls and women do mature faster than the males, both physically and psychologically.

It's prob becuase women are expected to start procreating sooner i.e. as soon as they start menstrating (from a purely evolutionary point that is)

SugarHigh

gbee wrote: »

Women have abilities that men don't, multitasking is one ~ I was in an office once and the receptionist, was chatting to me, talking on the phone and taking calls for others, whilst typing out some dictation and never missing a beat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBzZlrO-SQQ&feature=related

SugarHigh

partyguinness wrote: »

It's prob becuase women are expected to start procreating sooner i.e. as soon as they start menstrating (from a purely evolutionary point that is)

Age has nothing to do with maturity.

partyguinness

SugarHigh wrote: »

Age has nothing to do with maturity.

Yes it does in the context I was referring to.

Woman physically and sexually mature earlier than men because they have a shorter 'shelf life' when it comes to procreation whereas men have a far longer sexual life. There isn't as much pressure on them from a procreation point off view to mature quickly.

IMO this is prob one of the reasons why why girls mature faster then boys.

I am the oldest of 6...3 sisters and 2 brother from the ages of 12 to 29. I am well placed to spot the differences in boys and girls growing up.

Kooli

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Well if you find the paper I'll do my best to destroy the results it attempts to portray. . Not because there are exceptions to rules, simply because things as complex as human relationships being measured in such terms are, well, useless. The data is subject to all kind of random x factors which won't be considered. Seriously. You look at marriages and try to extrapolate things like a woman being 27% smarter being important. How do you measure that? How do you then make an indication that that is important to the relationship?
It's cod psych nonsense!

It may be useless but it doesn't mean it's not true.

I haven't seen the study but presume they just studying thousands of couples over time and found statistically significant interactions between certain variables and relationship outcomes. It's as simple as that, and would have no judgment attached to it.

Wibbs

gbee wrote: »

Jump forward to the PhD and it's ten men and a single woman.

Extraordinary ~ and we can throw a plethora of social issues for the reason for this ~ but it's not known conclusively why.

Its an interesting one alright. IMHO and from what Ive read over the years, on average women are more capable, but there are less outstanding ones(and less morons too of course). Men are more variable. So out of 100 chemists say, 50 women 50 men, the average among the women will be higher overall than the men, but 5 of the men will blow everyone out of the water. Compared with 1 woman. Which would make sense evolutionary wise. Women who select mates more than men, would be better selecting as wide a range of traits as possible to ensure their kids are going to have more bases covered if the environment changes. In one environment a "jock" is going to be more valuable than a "nerd", but better to have a smattering of nerds just in case the environment changes and vice versa. Less an issue for males. In our own society you could argue the males are more "nerdy", "softer" types as women select for that. It's an advantage in our society for all sorts of reasons. Go back 1000 years and modern macho men would likely be seen as weaker and unattractive among say Viking women.

Women have abilities that men don't, multitasking is one ~ I was in an office once and the receptionist, was chatting to me, talking on the phone and taking calls for others, whilst typing out some dictation and never missing a beat.

Yep but again that does vary across the genders but yep with a bias towards women. I know a couple of male multitaskers and some women who are useless at it. I also read that was a brain difference. Men have less connections between the hemispheres and are more locally specialised and this seems to have an effect with multitasking. It's more likely that males are able to make snap decisions though as this more "split" brain is better at weighing options quickly and just going for it. You see examples of this in everday life. How many men you hear moaning about women talking a problem to death and not just doing something and women complaining that men dont look before they leap. Again though I know men who cant make decisions to save their lives and women who are very quick to do so. I'd say IME the women who are less multitasking are more like that.

Problem with all of this is though that we're all on a scale between 100% "male" and 100% female. The mix of approaches over time is defo the best.

But girls and women do mature faster than the males, both physically and psychologically.

I'd defo agree with that. Socially too. Way ahead there. Id say the average 13 year old girl is more clued into social ebb and flow than even a 23 year old guy.

The marriage thing is interesting. I would agree with you on the social aspects over time. What may make a stable marriage in one social environment may not make one in another. We may find a complete turn about in 50 years as gender landscapes change.

I dunno how they measured 27% more intelligent though. Thats a big diff for either gender. Ive found anyway that the most successful couples I know would be pretty equal or complimentary. Indeed Id say men would be more forgiving of a woman being less intelligent.

pickarooney

I think number 2 is simply because Swiss people are notoriously difficult to get on with.

partyguinness

pickarooney wrote: »

I think number 2 is simply because Swiss people are notoriously difficult to get on with.

I can second that about Swiss people...

partyguinness

Sure women may mature faster but that's about as good as it gets for women..and then they just want babies...the poor dears....:D

watna

I don't think much of that at all. My OH and I come from very different culture's and traditions but we have the same optinion on things and want the same things from life. That's more important, imo, then having the same upbringing.

How Strange

watna wrote: »

but we have the same optinion on things and want the same things from life. That's more important, imo, then having the same upbringing.

+1

I think this is the core of a good relationship. If you have this you can work at all the other stuff.

Turty3

There's a guy called John Sharry www.solutiontalk.ie who wrote some articles last year on how to make your marriage work; he mostly does partenting talks but his articles (I believe they were in the Irish Times or Irish Indepedent) were useful. He basically suggests we treat our spouse as we would our best friend - if you think about it, most best friends get our support no matter what, we run to them when they need us, we love their company and we share our deepest thoughts. He has similar ideas to John Gottman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Gottman who states that you should try to ensure that for every ONE negative interaction between you and your spouse, you should have FIVE positive interactions. Apparently he can predict within 15mins whether a couple's marriage will work or not!

elleburp

Turty3 wrote: »

John_Gottman who states that you should try to ensure that for every ONE negative interaction between you and your spouse, you should have FIVE positive interactions.

Never a truer word spoken!

PK2008

I dont think women going out with older men is necessarily linked ot them being equally 'mature'. I think women are just generally attracted to a man a few years older (for whatever reason but one Ive seen most often is a kind of vanity/fantasy such as 'oh Im much more mature than men my age' and going out with an older man proves it).

Alot of men are attracted to women their own age but unfortunately these women are attracted to older men so it follows that the man will most likely end up with a woman a few years younger.