"My interest in politics means I'm smarter than you".

Pighead

Is this how the majority of you lot feel? Pighead sometimes comes into After Hours for some high quality, low brow chat only to be met with full on political discussions that leave him feeling dizzy and confused.

Pighead is probably the smartest person he knows yet he would be the first to admit that his knowledge of politics is about as extensive as Charlie from Busted' knowledge of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens.

Whilst in conversation last week with a lady, Pighead swiftly realised that she was of the rare breed known as Femalicus Intelligus. She had just been talking about her forthcoming trip to South America and it was patently clear that if Pighead wanted to impress, that he'd have to use more than just his dashing good looks on this occasion.

"Hey ya babes, one thing Pighead would advise whilst over in South America would be thus: Be very very careful whilst going for the wee wees especially if you're swimming in the Amazon. There's an ugly bugger of a fish called a Candiru and the perv is attracted by the smell of human wee wee and it can insert it self into the penis or vagina whilst you're urinating.

Then the cheeky rascal lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines and it uses its mouth for feeding by sucking the blood. It is almost impossible for fish to survive inside of the human body. Removal of the fish is extremely hard due to the spines and if problem is not treated it can result in removal of the genitals."

Pighead could tell she was impressed. This was no run of the mill flat toned Dundalk lad she was dealing with. Her wide opened mouth screamed out "Take me now Pighead" but then out of nowhere some eejit rains on Pighead's parade by smarmily sliding his way into our two way conversation and turning it onto a three wayer. The battle had begun. Then the slimebag hits Pighead with a sucker punch.

Slimebag:"So Pighead, do you think the government are doing enough to guide us through these harsh economic storms?"

Pighead: In Bertie we trust. If anybody can save us, Bertie can.

Slimebag: Eh Berties gone. It's Brian Cowen at the helm now.

Pighead: Shut up Slimebag

The chick had seen enough. She asks slimebag if he wants to go back to her place and the look she throws towards Pighead screams "I definitely would have had mind blowing sexual intercourse with you but your lack of political knowledge is such a turn off."

So is the general opinion amongst you politics lovers? Are us non politic lovers seen as some sort of lower class citizen? The annoying fly that circles around your head? The shit on the bottom of your shoe? If so well then Pighead respectfully requests that these attitudes really have to change. Who says that you are better than Pighead just because you know the name of the leader of the opposition?

Pighead realises that not all political aficionados are snobby and standofffish towards non politic people but even if this thread makes one of you lot have a think about how you treat people like us well then something will have been achieved here today.

This has been a party non political broadcast on behalf of the Pighead Party.

Tigger

Clearly she has issues that could have left you lamenting the loss of some of your favorite body parts
everything happens for a reason

DamoDLK

Pighead wrote: »

.........The chick had seen enough. She asks slimebag if he wants to go back to her place and the look she throws towards Pighead screams "I definitely would have had mind blowing sexual intercourse with you but your lack of political knowledge is such a turn off.".....

Well Pighead as my mother used to say - "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing..."

Too true

PirateShampoo

Maybe she chose the other guy has uve got the Head of a Pig?

Pete Motivator

why do you speak like you are speaking about yourself?

Nulty

Politics is really boring but it seems not having an interest at this point in our economic blah blah is just seen as irresponsible. Maybe thats what she thought

Abrasax

Is somebody else using your account, OP?

EL_Loco

don't worry Pigster, you were merely hit with a "lets talk about something I want to talk about" openers.

It could so easily have been:

"Have you heard <latest trendy band>'s god awful first single"
"Did you see the editorial in the times today?"
"what did you think of <knobtasticly obscure director>'s latest film"

now, while conversations may turn to these topics I've a pet peeve with any clown who opens with something they want to crap on and on about. The lady in question should have seen it for what it was. The fact that she didn't leads me to believe she wasn't as smart as Pighead initially thought, hence, no great loss.

RoadKillTs

why do you speak like you are speaking about yourself?

Because he's Pighead. Thats what he does.
Newbies :rolleyes:

chin_grin

Abrasax wrote: »

Is somebody else using your account, OP?

Welcome to the wonder that is Pighead.

But yeah, I agree. I've no interest in politics. I should. It has such a bearing on the day to day.....I've been told.......meh.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Pete Motivator wrote: »

why do you speak like you are speaking about yourself?

Pleeeeeeeze don't start him on this! Pighead is Pighead is Pighead. Pighead does as Pighead does!

Xavi6

Pete Motivator wrote: »

why do you speak like you are speaking about yourself?

Abrasax wrote: »

Is somebody else using your account, OP?

Lol, n00bs

Pighead

Tigger wrote: »

everything happens for a reason

Pighead doesn't really go in for all that new age hippy dippy stuff. That saying is a cop out for people who have no idea what just happened or why it just happened.

Pighead: Hello Sheila. Why on earth did your eyeball just pop out of your socket and roll down into that underground sewer.
Sheila: Everything happens for a reason Pighead.
Pighead: Bollox Sheila. Thats a terrible reaction. Your calmness in this situation belies the severity of what just happened.

chin_grin

Pete Motivator wrote: »

why do you speak like you are speaking about yourself?

It's almost like he's a third person......Like he's third personing himself. Like third person-isms.

But yeah it's Pighead. No one knows why. That's the allure. Grrrrrowwwwl.

Pighead

Abrasax wrote: »

Is somebody else using your account, OP?

Pigheads not exactly sure what you're asking here but if you're enquiring as to whether Pighead has ever been lied to and cheated by a girl before then yes, yes he has. Pighead may not know much about the GDP of Belgium but he's got a PHD in the studies of broken hearts.

WindSock

Ah Pighead, if I were at a party and had a choice to talk about the wee wee fish over the current government, I would choose the wee wee fish any day. There is nothing more boring than people who think they know all about politics. Maybe she thought the others guys ding dong wasn't affected by the wee we fish, so she went home with him and had the most uninspired sexual intercourse of her life.

NothingMan

Don't worry Piggy, I don't watch, read or listen to the news or any current affairs issues and I can honestly say I am the most charming, intelligent, sexy, funny, handsome, rugged, sensitive and modest man around.

thomond2006

Pighead wrote: »

Pigheads not exactly sure what you're asking here but if you're enquiring as to whether Pighead has ever been lied to and cheated by a girl before then yes, yes he has. Pighead may not know much about the GDP of Belgium but he's got a PHD in the studies of broken hearts.

Nice. :cool:

Abrasax

Pighead wrote: »

Pigheads not exactly sure what you're asking here but if you're enquiring as to whether Pighead has ever been lied to and cheated by a girl before then yes, yes he has. Pighead may not know much about the GDP of Belgium but he's got a PHD in the studies of broken hearts.

Ok.
Do you do the third person thing when chatting women up?

AnonoBoy

Abrasax wrote: »

Ok.
Do you do the third person thing when chatting women up?

Only if he's doing it in After Hours.

Pighead

Abrasax wrote: »

Ok.
Do you do the third person thing when chatting women up?

Pighead is way too smooth to have a standard chat up line for every girl he meets. You have to know your audience.

Sometimes when chatting up a chick Pighead likes to exude a certain air of mystery as women tend to like mysterious blokes. Using third person in this case wouldn't be viable as the chick would immediately know Pigheads name and the mystery would be gone.

Truley

Caring about politics demonstrates a lack of intellegence as far as i'm concerned :rolleyes:

Abrasax

Pighead wrote: »

Sometimes when chatting up a chick Pighead likes to exude a certain air of mystery...

A good aftershave will cover that up.

ibarelycare

Pighead wrote: »

Is this how the majority of you lot feel? Pighead sometimes comes into After Hours for some high quality, low brow chat only to be met with full on political discussions that leave him feeling dizzy and confused.

Pighead is probably the smartest person he knows yet he would be the first to admit that his knowledge of politics is about as extensive as Charlie from Busted' knowledge of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens.

Whilst in conversation last week with a lady, Pighead swiftly realised that she was of the rare breed known as Femalicus Intelligus. She had just been talking about her forthcoming trip to South America and it was patently clear that if Pighead wanted to impress, that he'd have to use more than just his dashing good looks on this occasion.

"Hey ya babes, one thing Pighead would advise whilst over in South America would be thus: Be very very careful whilst going for the wee wees especially if you're swimming in the Amazon. There's an ugly bugger of a fish called a Candiru and the perv is attracted by the smell of human wee wee and it can insert it self into the penis or vagina whilst you're urinating.

Then the cheeky rascal lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines and it uses its mouth for feeding by sucking the blood. It is almost impossible for fish to survive inside of the human body. Removal of the fish is extremely hard due to the spines and if problem is not treated it can result in removal of the genitals."

Pighead could tell she was impressed. This was no run of the mill flat toned Dundalk lad she was dealing with. Her wide opened mouth screamed out "Take me now Pighead" but then out of nowhere some eejit rains on Pighead's parade by smarmily sliding his way into our two way conversation and turning it onto a three wayer. The battle had begun. Then the slimebag hits Pighead with a sucker punch.

Slimebag:"So Pighead, do you think the government are doing enough to guide us through these harsh economic storms?"

Pighead: In Bertie we trust. If anybody can save us, Bertie can.

Slimebag: Eh Berties gone. It's Brian Cowen at the helm now.

Pighead: Shut up Slimebag

The chick had seen enough. She asks slimebag if he wants to go back to her place and the look she throws towards Pighead screams "I definitely would have had mind blowing sexual intercourse with you but your lack of political knowledge is such a turn off."

So is the general opinion amongst you politics lovers? Are us non politic lovers seen as some sort of lower class citizen? The annoying fly that circles around your head? The shit on the bottom of your shoe? If so well then Pighead respectfully requests that these attitudes really have to change. Who says that you are better than Pighead just because you know the name of the leader of the opposition?

Pighead realises that not all political aficionados are snobby and standofffish towards non politic people but even if this thread makes one of you lot have a think about how you treat people like us well then something will have been achieved here today.

This has been a party non political broadcast on behalf of the Pighead Party.

Is Mrs Pighead no more?

Davidius

Ah sure politics just gets in the way of progress.

Just tell them there's an inverse relationship between how good you are at maths and how much you know about politics.

BigDuffman

Pighead you should get yourself elected into govt. / installed as a dictator then you can decide on politicy type stuff.

You can then impress such silly wimminz by making up laws and economic policy on the spot.

Banish slimebags and ban the wearing of clothes etc. That way you win every political debate.

AnonoBoy

Truley wrote: »

Caring about politics demonstrates a lack of intellegence as far as i'm concerned :rolleyes:

No no, that's being in government you mean surely?

Pighead

ibarelycare wrote: »

Is Mrs Pighead no more?

Perish the thought! Miss Piggy is still on board the good ship Pighead. We kinda have one of those open relationship thingies.

Pigheads allowed to openly chat up other chicks whenever he feels like it and Miss Piggy is allowed to openly laugh her little socks off when they inevitably turn him down.

Truley

AnonoBoy wrote: »

No no, that's being in government you mean surely?

Hardly, they're the only people who are actually getting rich from it. What's regular people's excuse for caring?

cafecolour

What's the saying - "Never discuss politics or religion at dinner party" or such.

Next time it happens, just give a dismiss laugh and say something like "I'm looking for a fun eve, not going to get dragged into a political discussion."

Pighead

Truley wrote: »

Hardly, they're the only people who are actually getting rich from it. What's regular people's excuse for caring?

No political talk in this thread Truley. People can still have intelligent conversations without the subject of politics. Lets talk about hair instead.

Pighead likes to use the backcombing technique whilst brushing his lovely hair. Unfortunately this technique lends itself to split ends and damaged hair. Now Pighead hates splite ends as much as the next man but there is no way he's giving up backcombing as the style lends itself to his lovely big shiny forehead. How the fcuk can this riddle be solved?

DamoDLK

Pighead wrote: »

No political talk in this thread Truley. People can still have intelligent conversations without the subject of politics. Lets talk about hair instead.

Pighead likes to use the backcombing technique whilst brushing his lovely hair. Unfortunately this technique lends itself to split ends and damaged hair. Now Pighead hates splite ends as much as the next man but there is no way he's giving up backcombing as the style lends itself to his lovely big shiny forehead. How the fcuk can this riddle be solved?

Stand with your back to the mirror.. and brush as normal.

Giblet

I can't believe I used to ban Pighead.

Pighead's back on form.. Good to see.

AnonoBoy

Deleted User wrote: »

Pighead's back on form.. Good to see.

Pighead on form is truly a a sight to behold alright, like a gazelle gracefully traversing an African savanna, an elephant bathing its young in the waters of the Katugastota River or Degsy giving out yards about Gerry Ryan.

OutlawPete

Good afternoon Pighead ..

Pighead wrote: »

Pigheads allowed to openly chat up other chicks whenever he feels like it and Miss Piggy is allowed to openly laugh her little socks off when they inevitably turn him down.

What happens if the inevitable doesn't occur and you chance upon some lady ichthyologist some night who's sail rises when you start chatting?

Would she be allowed home to the good ship Pighead for a nightcap or three perchance

Pighead

Giblet wrote: »

I can't believe I used to ban Pighead.

Ah those were the days Giblet. Pighead has been on the straight and narrow for almost 3 years now. It was this tough but fair warning that was the turning point in this once reckless posters boards career.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=53204757&postcount=68

Have only been banned about 7 times since then. That warning was a real eye opener . The equivalent of the moment in Neighbours when Toadfish realised that being a spanner all the time wasn't cool and that he'd be better off concentrating his efforts on becoming a lawyer and making loads of money instead. Thanks buddy.

FlutterinBantam

Piggser, your theory about politics, and the knowledge of, being a gamebreaker for the ladies is bolloxology.

Trot your trotters over to Politics forum and you'll find ,not only are there no females there, but the the general inhabitants, with some honourable exceptions, have the humour and joie de vivre of a musty cupboard being opened after around forty years.

So Piggser, the Flutts advice is to ditch that theory, pay attention to your well proportioned cluster, polish up and buff your knob into Blue flag standard, and you'll have the real ladies gasping in awe and wonderment at such an example of pecker perfection.

ScumLord

You can't let facts and reason get in the way of a good political discussion. The only way to have a political conversation is to close your eyes, form an opinion and then stick to it no matter what, that's how the big guys do it.

Degsy

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead likes to use the backcombing technique whilst brushing his lovely hair

In what alternative universe is ginger hair considered lovely?

Pighead

Degsy wrote: »

In what alternative universe is ginger hair considered lovely?

Don't know baldie. Pighead and his silky brown hair have no need to ponder the daily struggles in life face by the ginger haired people.

cloneslad

I don't know if it's been said yet, cos I'm too lazy to read the thread....but I would let you take me Pighead despite the fact you are male and from Dundalk.

Degsy

Pighead wrote: »

Don't know baldie. Pighead and his silky brown hair have no need to ponder the daily struggles in life face by the ginger haired people.

Denial of obvious gingerism will avail you naught.

Plenty of succesful people suffer from the affliction but can go onto lead relatively normal lives.

There's Chris Evans for example,or Neil Kinnock.

Pighead

Degsy wrote: »

Denial of obvious gingerism will avail you naught.

Plenty of succesful people suffer from the affliction but can go onto lead relatively normal lives.

There's Chris Evans for example,or Neil Kinnock.

Ann of Green Gables as well. And Bonnie Langford done alright for herself.

Unfortunately for you, Pighead can't think of too many midget, balding, small todgered dwarfs who have made a name for themselves. Hmm, will keep on thinking and get back to you. Keep the faith buddy.

Degsy

Pighead wrote: »

Ann of Green Gables as well. And Bonnie Langford done alright for herself.

Unfortunately for you, Pighead can't think of too many midget, balding, small todgered dwarfs who have made a name for themselves

Midget Dwarfs,eh?
They must be really small!

Fighting Irish

RoadKillTs wrote: »

Because he's Pighead. Thats what he does.
Newbies :rolleyes:

It's attention seeking at it's best

AnonoBoy

Degsy wrote: »

Midget Dwarfs,eh?
They must be really small!

Midget Dwarf is not the preferred nomenclature. Bono-Size Person, please.

hooradiation

Pighead wrote: »

"Hey ya babes, one thing Pighead would advise whilst over in South America would be thus: Be very very careful whilst going for the wee wees especially if you're swimming in the Amazon. There's an ugly bugger of a fish called a Candiru and the perv is attracted by the smell of human wee wee and it can insert it self into the penis or vagina whilst you're urinating.

The Candiru being attracted to human urine thing is a myth, they hunt by sight and have almost no response to chemical stimuli, such as the ammonia in urine.

Still, it sounds impressive if you can get away with telling it.

FlutterinBantam

No kiddin'

http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/2-29-2004-51087.asp

Pighead

Fighting Irish wrote: »

It's attention seeking at it's best

Ooooohhh bitchy! Reminds Pighead of the time he tried chatting up a chick using the classic Astrology related pick up line.

Pighead: Hey babes, whats your sign?
Bitchy bitch: Do not enter