Being a role model

metaoblivia

I think mentoring and being a role model is very important (for all children, not just girls; but I think children usually - there are always exceptions - gravitate toward same sex role models). It's great to have a role model like Florence Nightengale or Oprah, but I think it's even more important to have a role model who is actually a part of your life - someone tangible, who spends time with you and encourages you to go after what you want.

I know there have been a few threads about women whom we've looked up to and considered role models, but has anyone here been a role model for another girl? Do you think it's important to be involved in the lives of, say, your nieces or family friends or even a local student? Do you think it can make a difference, even if you're not the parent? Is it important for us, as every day women, to set a good example for the up and coming generations?

It's been on my mind recently because my one and only niece has just turned 11. We love spending time together. Just in the past month, we've gone on clothes shopping trips (her first time), had some fun adventures exploring the woods and swamp behind my house, and I'm taking her to an ice skating event in a few weeks. She has no sisters and no other aunts, so, aside from her mother, I'm kind of it. And her mother dropped out of high school, had two children by the time she was 19, goes from one man to the next (she's moved in with 5 different men since my niece was born), and is really very interested in partying and not much else. So it's recently hit me just how important it is for me to spend time with my niece - especially during the coming difficult years. Whether it's showing her pictures from the year I studied abroad in uni and backpacked Europe on my own for two weeks or just doing silly things, like playing dress up and rolling down hills. And even though I won't have as much influence as her mother, I think it could still make a difference and I think it's worth it.

So yeah, that's my answer to my own question. :pac:

What are your experiences?

G86

I'm involved in a mentoring scheme where I was matched up with a wee girl who I meet up with once a week for a year, we just do normal things friends would do like go to the cinema, bowling - things like that, but they're things that she wouldn't normally get to do on her own. She has a learning disability so her Mam is a bit protective of her and she doesn't really get to go out and do normal teenage things, so I like to think that her evening with me gives her something to look forward to every week She really is a great girl once you get to know her and I'm doing my best to try and take her out of her shell a bit so that everyone else can see that too.

I think my wee sister would look up to me a fair bit too and I'm lucky that she has a good head on her shoulders for a 15 year old. I didn't drink til I was 19 and she doesn't drink either which is great, especially considering alot of her friends do, I'd like to think I had some influence there. On top of that she's recently decided to become a veggie too and I KNOW that one came from me haha I don't have a relationship with my mother and although my sister lives with her she's not very close to her either, so it's important to me that she feels she can always talk to me about anything.

Catari Jaguar

My boyfriends twin sisters are 7 years younger than us. I've known them since they were 11, and they looked up to me. I see a lot of similarities between one of them and myself at her age so we hang out a lot and I give her advice about friends, self confidence, boys, exams and being assertive. Give them my old clothes too and used to show them how to do make up, dyed her hair pink and stuff like that. They even joined a youth drama club that I used to attend and that worked wonders for them. I have no sisters of my own so it's nice for me

dammitjanet

My OH's younger cousins father walked out on them as a kid and since then he's been the main male role model in their lives, it's really sweet, he's so protective of them.
I've 4 nephews and a niece most of who are still very young, but one of the oldest,7, (who is actually my godson) idolises me. He tells everyone he has two mommys, his mom and me. He asked to get a guitar for his birthday so he can learn to play like me and when he gets in trouble at home he runs off with his dads phone can calls me to ask if i'll come collect him and let him live with me love him to bits!! I'm slowly turning him into a mini me
Who needs kids when you get all the fun and none of the trouble

Dudess

Don't know about being a role model, but when I was younger, I found a lot of my friends (and one cousin) could be really protective of their younger sisters - sometimes for no reason, it seemed, other than the sake of it. And as a result, the relationship between them could be kinda strained.

I don't have any younger sisters so I couldn't empathise, and I became the "big sister's friend you can confide in about boys and tell you were drinking/smoking without getting a lecture".
I also used to get irked by the "I may have been having sex and drinking at 16 but there's no WAY you're doing it!" hypocrisy. And the passing remarks on how skimpy their clothes were for the disco, when they wore just as little themselves. It's almost as if they revelled in acting the middle-aged mammy - at 19.

I used to just chat to the younger sisters basically - treat them like a peer rather than a kid (they weren't exactly generations younger) - and tell them not to worry about teenage stuff and to relax and have confidence in themselves, etc - the usual. They found they weren't really able to have such chats with their older sisters at the time - it felt awkward for them to vent their emotions to... "the enemy" I suppose.

Different now though between them - well, most of them...

metrovelvet

Who were your role models OP?

SugarHigh

dammitjanet wrote: »

My OH's younger cousins father walked out on them as a kid and since then he's been the main male role model in their lives, it's really sweet, he's so protective of them.
I've 4 nephews and a niece most of who are still very young, but one of the oldest,7, (who is actually my godson) idolises me. He tells everyone he has two mommys, his mom and me. He asked to get a guitar for his birthday so he can learn to play like me and when he gets in trouble at home he runs off with his dads phone can calls me to ask if i'll come collect him and let him live with me love him to bits!! I'm slowly turning him into a mini me
Who needs kids when you get all the fun and none of the trouble

I kind of feel bad for his mother.

dammitjanet

SugarHigh wrote: »

I kind of feel bad for his mother.

Why do you say that?

SugarHigh

dammitjanet wrote: »

Why do you say that?

He tells everyone he has two mommys, his mom and me.

when he gets in trouble at home he runs off with his dads phone can calls me to ask if i'll come collect him and let him live with me

I'm probably way off but I'd just imagine she would be upset by that.

pikachucheeks

Nice thread, Meta.

I'd consider myself to be a role model for my cousin, who's nine. I'm her babysitter and as my aunt and uncle sometimes say, her "twin sister".

I like that I have a close relationship with her but at the same time, I feel like I have a lot to live up to ... Her younger sister passed away at birth. When this happened, my aunt and uncle looked to me, to act as a sort-of sibling for her, so she'd have the support of someone and wouldn't have to grow up lonely or on her own, as an only child.

Because of what my family went through, knowing it was - and continues to be - a hard time for them in their lives, I want to support my cousin as best I can and ensure that she's as happy and carefree as she possibly can be.

I guess I do this by serving as a sort-of big sister ... I allow her have someone to play dolls with, I help her with her hobbies and her homework, I watch movies with her, when she wants to talk to me about something, a problem she's having, I'm someone she can open up to ... We've spoken about everything from mean girls in her class to her "super crush" on Zac Efron. I'm just there for her, in whatever way she needs me.

It's most definitely a two way street in our relationship though. As much as I help her, she helps me too. Thinking about her now, I can see her smiling. I can hear her laughing and saying my name in one of her ridiculous put-on voices
I'm currently lying on a pillow we designed and painted together, a photo she drew for me is hanging on my wall.
I'm thinking back to a time when someone very close to both of us passed away ... We were each given a flower, and one for her sister, to put in to His grave. As we walked towards it, I held her hand ... and she held mine. I think that moment signifies for me personally how much she means to me and hopefully, I to her.

minidazzler

G86 wrote: »

I'm involved in a mentoring scheme where I was matched up with a wee girl who I meet up with once a week for a year, we just do normal things friends would do like go to the cinema, bowling - things like that, but they're things that she wouldn't normally get to do on her own. She has a learning disability so her Mam is a bit protective of her and she doesn't really get to go out and do normal teenage things, so I like to think that her evening with me gives her something to look forward to every week She really is a great girl once you get to know her and I'm doing my best to try and take her out of her shell a bit so that everyone else can see that too.

For this, you get +1,000,000 Kudos from me. My sister had a girl do this with her for a while last year and the name before. Seriously does help and make the kids who get it happy! Good on ya G!

dammitjanet

SugarHigh wrote: »

I'm probably way off but I'd just imagine she would be upset by that.

Actually she loves it and fully encourages it she's my older sister (by 9 years) and the way he is to me is the same i was with her when i was young (I used to call her 2nd mom, because my mom wasn't around much when i was growing up), so no, she'd never be upset by that! She was my role model growing up and it feels great to be the same to her kids
I can see where you're coming from but really, we're just one big happy family- auntie dammitjanet included hehe

rebel girl 15

I could probably fit in here as a role model - I'm coaching ladies football (club) and camogie (county) and I find that the girls do respond to me. Over the past three months with the football, I can see that the girls are doing the skills more effectively - for example last Saturday 13th March, I started doing blocking down with the girls, and there were a couple of girls that were extremely nervous doing it, so I did it with them nice and easy, and by the following week had no problem doing it, one girl who swore she'd never block down actually blocked down a ball in the middle of a game - she was so excited about blocking it down that she forgot to challenge for the breaking ball!! I

I've been told by parents that the girls are enjoying it immensely, which is something that I'm glad about, and the practise game we played on Saturday kinda helped me stop worrying whether we were ready for actual games. I was quite worried that I hadn't done enough ballwork or that they wouldn't be fit, now a few worries still remain, but they are lessened! I'm thinking about things the whole time for them! I always try to give them positive feedback and try and give feedback to every one of them, a huge thing for me was actually learning their names, but I worked quite hard at doing it, so I could give each one of them a well done or encouragement with their name

I also coach in the summer camps, and I get the same kind of response from parents, that they are delighted with the way that I work. Its probably because of the course that I am doing (PE teaching) that I will end up being a role model for more students

The Big Red Button

I've got two ickle sisters.

One is seventeen, and to be honest she's extremely naive for a seventeen year old, when I think of what I was up to at her age! But the thing is, she tells me everything - and I mean everything! My mother is quite strict in some ways, so I think it's good for her to have someone who is both responsible for her but who also sees where she's coming from, and will understand a lot more when it comes to drink, boyfriends, etc.

My other little sister is eight ... in a lot of ways, I was like a mother to her since she was born. I was about sixteen, and the age-gap meant we had all the fun sibling stuff without any of the rivalry etc!

I suppose I take my position as "role model" seriously enough ... not that I don't do naughty stuff, I'm just very very careful about what they find out about!