Brother is kicking me out because I'm pregnant

LegacyUser

Hi all,ok to keep it short I'm 22,I'm pregnant and I'm in college and share an apartment with my older brother who's 27 (I left our parents house last year as I couldn't stand it there anymore just like him) anyway he let me move in with him and things have been great until now,I found out I'm pregnant and I told him as I'm pretty scared and don't know what to do !
I thought he'd be a support for me but he got so angry and went mental at me and said that as I was stupid enough to get pregnant with my bf of 4 years (who he has never liked,just never took to him for some reason) I can get out as he think's I'm some sort of slut or something and isn't going to be cleaning up my mess.
I just fell to pieces while he shouted all this at me.

I don't want to go back to my parents and I can't go to my boyfriends house either,I'm so lost as to what to do I'm hoping he'll calm down and not throw me out but can't rely on that alone,is there anything I can say or do to get him to change his mind ?? thanks for any replies .

S23

You can't go to your boyfriend of 4 years house? Why not? The father of the child you're going to have but you can't go to his place?

Maybe your brother flipped because the boyfriend is a waster and he's angry that he sees you as being trapped and wasting your life with this bloke.

He's freaked out. You need to give him time and space to digest the news and then talk to him when he's calmed a little. He's your brother and still loves you but he sounds as freaked out as you.

For the record, why can't you go to your boyfriends? I have a gut feeling that he might be the biggest factor in your brothers reaction

west cork bride

Why can't you go to your boyfriends house? This is a shared problem its not just yours.

Can you and your boyfriend afford a small flat together?

If all else fails ask your brother if you can stay until the baby is born so you can save money to move out. In which time he may have calmed down. He i s acting all parental but thats because he loves you and obvioulsy feels this guy is not good enough for you and now you are having his baby.

Good luck and I hope things work out.

DazMarz

Sounds rough, to be honest. But he experienced an extreme emotional reaction to what is incredibly emotional news. He will calm down.

The best thing to do, is wait for him to calm down somewhat and then try and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. If he was good enough to help you in one hour of need, surely he could help you now in an ultimate hour of need.

People say things in anger/emotion that they so rarely mean and they regret it after. But pride usually means we won't admit that. But your brother is surely not some heartless creature that would let his sister and his unborn niece/nephew out onto the streets or live in a place where they do not want to be.

Maybe call the agency ''Positive Options'' and see if they can offer some advice too.

LegacyUser

I can't go to my boyfriends as there's no room at his house and even if there was there's no way his parents would let a girlfriend move in and no he's not a waster at all he's doing his masters in computer science,I think my brother just doesn't like him as I know my bf can be sarcastic and there have been a few times where he's thought he was funny to my brother and it didn't really go down too well so my brother does think that he's not good enough for me already.

I told my brother this yesterday and I haven't seen or heard from him since,he went out yesterdya evening and didn't come home last night either and still isn't back so I'm presuming it's over me ,I want to crawl under a rock and never come out .
I still haven't even decided if I'm going to have the baby or not but I never got a word in to say this to my bro.

JonathanAnon

Maybe your brother needs a few days to cool down. Why dont you give him some time to get used to the idea, then sit him down and tell him what you have told us here. I'm sure he's disappointed as he probably hoped for better for you, but if he was generous enough to let you stay with him, then I'm sure you will help you through this.

He may also see it as being him having to pick up the pieces for your boyfriend. If he doesnt like him, then I'm sure he is less than impressed that your boyfriend is not prepared to step up to the plate and provide somewhere for you to stay. You never mentioned, do you work, go to college ???

there's no way his parents would let a girlfriend

Maybe if they knew he was going to be a father and had responsibilities it would change this. It's not enough for him to just say this, there is an onus on him to do more than this to help you out.

Good luck OP

ravima

I think you might get more support than you think from your parents. Have you told your bf of your situationS, that you are pregnant AND homeless? His parents might also be of support, given that it's their grandchild.

LegacyUser

No offence, but you're an adult and instead of concentrating on getting your brother to change his mind you should concentrate on where you could live, how you're going to support your child etc. He may be your brother and it may be harsh but it's not for him to put a roof over you and your chiilds head, it's up to you and the childs father. Maybe he doesn't wan't to have the sleepless nights when the baby comes and if it's his apartment he's perfectly entitled to say this.

mood

ravima wrote: »

I think you might get more support than you think from your parents. Have you told your bf of your situationS, that you are pregnant AND homeless? His parents might also be of support, given that it's their grandchild.

Your boyfriend need to help and support you here and take some responsibility. Why can't the two of you move in together? Your boyfriend is the father of your child not you brother.

I'm sure your parents and his parents will help and support you.

LegacyUser

I'm in college so don't exactly have money to be paying for rent etc and my boyfriend is in college but works part time but again it wouldn't be enough to get our own place of any size.
I'm not saying anything to my parent's nor is he to his as we still haven't decided if I'm going to have it or not as we're both not in any place to have a child now and are extremely freaked out by the whole thing but with the fear of being thrown out over it by my brother is over taking all other thoughts in my head at the right at the moment and my heart is pretty much racing non stop waiting for him to come in and grab my stuff a sling me out .
I'm getting the sense from him that he's disgusted with me and as I said sees me as some sort of a slapper for getting preganant

S23

I'm sure he doesn't think you're a slapper for getting pregnant. You've been with your boyfriend for 4 years and I'm sure he was aware you had a sexual realtionship so its hardly slapper material.

He may be annoyed and frustrated that you got pregnant. He is also probably fuming at you assuming you did not take the proper precautions with regard to contraception.

He clearly sees that you are not in a position to deal with this in an adult manner and knows what a hugely detremental effect on your life this would have.

When your brother does come back to you then you need to speak to him but thats not the only talk you need to have. You also need to talk to your boyfriend and both sets of parents about what kind of support system and assitance could be offered to you by them.

Keeping it all a big secret then maybe deciding to run off and have an abortion may seem like a great plan to you now but theres a very good chance you'll struggle with this emotionally in years to come if thats the path you seek to pursue in secret

Danniboo

afraid wrote: »

I'm in college so don't exactly have money to be paying for rent etc and my boyfriend is in college but works part time but again it wouldn't be enough to get our own place of any size.
I'm not saying anything to my parent's nor is he to his as we still haven't decided if I'm going to have it or not as we're both not in any place to have a child now and are extremely freaked out by the whole thing but with the fear of being thrown out over it by my brother is over taking all other thoughts in my head at the right at the moment and my heart is pretty much racing non stop waiting for him to come in and grab my stuff a sling me out .
I'm getting the sense from him that he's disgusted with me and as I said sees me as some sort of a slapper for getting preganant

That should be the least of your concerns to be honest.

aidan24326

Your brother is being a dickhead. Hopefully he will calm down but if he doesn't, and he actually kicks you out, don't speak to him ever again.

As for the baby, if you really feel you're not ready for all that, don't go through with it. There are other options as you know.

Danniboo

aidan24326 wrote: »

Your brother is being a dickhead. Hopefully he will calm down but if he doesn't, and he actually kicks you out, don't speak to him ever again.

As for the baby, if you really feel you're not ready for all that, don't go through with it. There are other options as you know.

I really think people are being harsh on the brother to be honest. While his reaction wasn't very nice, i'd say he was shocked and didn't know what to think to be honest. He is obviously very good to you putting a roof over your head etc, so he's entitled maybe to make one f**k up. As for not telling your parents do you know that your brother won't tell them. It's not fair to expect him to let you and bf and baby play happy families in his apartment, you need to take responsibility you cannot rely on your brother as in 9 months there could be a little person relying on you to look after them.

Hrududu

From the sounds of it the OP is living with her brother rent free. If he does kick you out can you move back home?

mood

afraid wrote: »

I'm in college so don't exactly have money to be paying for rent etc and my boyfriend is in college but works part time but again it wouldn't be enough to get our own place of any size.
I'm not saying anything to my parent's nor is he to his as we still haven't decided if I'm going to have it or not as we're both not in any place to have a child now and are extremely freaked out by the whole thing but with the fear of being thrown out over it by my brother is over taking all other thoughts in my head at the right at the moment and my heart is pretty much racing non stop waiting for him to come in and grab my stuff a sling me out .
I'm getting the sense from him that he's disgusted with me and as I said sees me as some sort of a slapper for getting preganant

What year are you in? How many years left in the course? Your boyfriend in doing an MA at the moment and I assume he finishes this summer. He will then be in a position to get a job so it will be possible to get your own place if you keep the baby.

There is also financial help form social welfare so don't make you decision based on money or lack of or your brother for that matter. The decision should be based on what you both want long term.

Is there a friend you can stay with for few days or weeks if you get kicked out?

Also what age are the both of you?

Dark Phoenix

Your brother has allowed you to live with him rent free, he is not a fan of your boyfriend. Now while his reaction was a bit harsh maybe he is not happy at the thought of having you, a newborn baby and potentially your boyfriend he does not like living there for free. Its fair enough as its his apartment and presumably his work and money that got him it, he is not obliged to have you and a baby living there.

Also if you have been living with him he may see himself as your guardian in some senses and be worried about the situation
the situation with your boyfriends parents seems odd I would have thought if you were going out for 4 years you would have met them a few times and gotten to know them? If there is 'no way they would let a girlfriend move in' they may have to think about that one as their son may be a father.

I'd say what you need to do is stop worrying about your brother for a bit and give him a bit of time and space. Sit down with your boyfriend and go throguh your options before making a decision.

LegacyUser

We haven't decided ourselves if we want to have it or not so there's no way we're going to be telling our parents now,neither of us want to have a child or are in any position to have one now and I'm seeing if I can stay at one of my friends places to give my brother time to calm down,just finding it hard that he reacted the way he did as we get on great we're more like friends than brother and sister so I'm hoping that whatever I decide he'll be there for me too.

Bottle_of_Smoke

You can't expect him to let you live there when you have the baby, should look into single mother benefits, used to work with a girl she got a 2 bed flat for next to nothing, she said she paid around €40 a month.

Your brother's probably panicking that if he lets you stay while your pregnant it'll be impossible to kick you out when you have the baby, think I'd be the same to be honest. You should start looking to sort yourself out for after your baby arrives. I reckon if you have a definite plan for post pregnancy he'll be cool with you.

mood

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

You can't expect him to let you live there when you have the baby, should look into single mother benefits, used to work with a girl she got a 2 bed flat for next to nothing, she said she paid around €40 a month.

Your brother's probably panicking that if he lets you stay while your pregnant it'll be impossible to kick you out when you have the baby, think I'd be the same to be honest. You should start looking to sort yourself out for after your baby arrives. I reckon if you have a definite plan for post pregnancy he'll be cool with you.

The fact that the OP is in a relationship with the father of the baby will be taken into consideration. However, there will be help out there. You really need to talk to your boyfriend about what you will do and make plans for the future accordingly.

chocgirl

This is going to sound really harsh but you need to take responsibility for your own actions. It's nothing to do with your brother. By the sounds of it your brother has been good to you letting you move in in the first place. It's not his problem your pregnant now, not everyone is happy to live with a baby that is not theirs. Maybe he likes his space and his quiet, that's not unreasonable.

If I was you I'd be more concerned about the boyfriend and how the two of you (the child's parents) are going to look after and provide for your baby.

tenchi-fan

You sound pretty immature to be honest. You may need to rely on your parents financially but you're deciding not to tell them you're pregnant.. that doesn't make sense.

Then there's your bf. Is there a reason why he can't rent a house or flat and let you and the baby move in? He can go back to college in a year or two. Maybe that's the reason your brother never took to him.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect your brother to take care of you when you're pregnant or when you have a baby- that's your boyfriend's role.

mood

tenchi-fan wrote: »

You sound pretty immature to be honest. You may need to rely on your parents financially but you're deciding not to tell them you're pregnant.. that doesn't make sense.

Then there's your bf. Is there a reason why he can't rent a house or flat and let you and the baby move in? He can go back to college in a year or two. Maybe that's the reason your brother never took to him.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect your brother to take care of you when you're pregnant or when you have a baby- that's your boyfriend's role.

The boyfriend is currently doing an MA so I assume he will be finished in the summer. But I agree the boyfriend need to step in here and take responsibility.

OP I'm sure you brother will come around once he knows your plans which shouldn't include you and the baby and boyfriend living with him.

Taltos

OP.

Take a step back.
Your BF & family aside.

Try to see it from your brothers viewpoint.
His little sis who he adores and would do anything for is seeing someone he considers beneath her for whatever reasons. But it's not his place to interfere and at least while she is living with him he can keep an eye on her.

Now, same little sis comes and tells him she is preggers...

I think the reaction you got is exactly the reaction most blokes would give their little sister. You are just lucky that he did not march around to your BF to sort him out.

A poster above made a really good point though - responsibility.
If you are responsible enough to have sex, then you are responsible enough to either raise a child, have an adoption or have an abortion.

I know it is scary right now - but stop distracting yourself by obsessing on how you let your brother down. He will get over it. But did you let yourself down? Either way - time to really sit down and figure out what you want as an adult and go for it.

Best of luck. And do not hold your brothers reaction against him - as I said being a brother myself it could have been alot worse... At least he cares enough to be 100% honest with you - even if you don't agree with what he said.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies
I'm not looking for my brother to help out or anything and me and my bf have been talking about what to do so don't get me wrong I'm not looking for someone else to sort it out for us I just wanted to be able to turn to my brother and have him at least just listen to me or be there and again we're not going to be telling either sets of parents as we are more than likely not going to be having it so there's no point it telling them nor do we feel the need or want to.

Taltos

Not sure you are hearing me.

Your older brother is there to protect you and keep you safe. That is how we are programmed.
You need someone to talk to? - not his role...

As above - he reaction should have been totally expected and appears to be quite moderate.

I know you want him to be there for you - and right now in his own way he is - just sorry you don't see that.
If you want someone to turn to - then please use your BF or a girlfriend.

dellas1979

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Their services may be of help to you:

A counselling session will give you:

Time and space to work through your feelings about the pregnancy.
Support in dealing with the shock and distress you may be feeling so that you can move on from the crisis.
The opportunity to discuss your choices – Parenting, adoption and if requested, abortion.
Help in telling your partner, friends and family if you need it.
Practical information on your rights and entitlements, and the supports available if you’re in education or if you're working.
Referral to other helpful services such as GPs, medical services, supported accommodation services or specialist adoption agencies if you wish.
The counselling services listed on the Positive Options website offer crisis pregnancy counselling that is:

Free – there is no cost to you.
Non-judgmental – the counsellors are there to help, not to judge.
Non-directive – counselling is designed to support you and give you truthful information to help you make the decision that is best for you, without trying to influence you.
Confidential – what is said in a counselling session is confidential.*
Specialised – counsellors are trained to help their clients and have experience in dealing with all kinds of issues relating to crisis pregnancy.

S23

From what I can glean in this thread you are clearly not mature enough to have a kid. So if you choose to terminate then make sure you do it properly. Its not as simple as it may appear.

You may also want to talk to a professional about your feelings in and around it. Don't think that its biff, bash, bosh, abortion and everything is 100% fine automatically. I'm not saying you are bound to have issues around it but its a possibility.

Also, remember abortion is not a form of contraception. You can't just get pregnant and terminate when you realise you're not ready for it. If you're not mature or responsible enough to have a kid at least make sure you are responsible enough to take the proper precautions in future.

Also, just because you choose not to tell either set of parents doesn't for one second mean that your brother is beholden to keep a vow of silence on the matter. Maybe he will, maybe he won't but you put the information out there and you can't put it back in the box

Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do.

tenchi-fan

S23 wrote: »

From what I can glean in this thread you are clearly not mature enough to have a kid. So if you choose to terminate then make sure you do it properly. Its not as simple as it may appear.

You may also want to talk to a professional about your feelings in and around it. Don't think that its biff, bash, bosh, abortion and everything is 100% fine automatically. I'm not saying you are bound to have issues around it but its a possibility.

Also, remember abortion is not a form of contraception. You can't just get pregnant and terminate when you realise you're not ready for it. If you're not mature or responsible enough to have a kid at least make sure you are responsible enough to take the proper precautions in future.

Also, just because you choose not to tell either set of parents doesn't for one second mean that your brother is beholden to keep a vow of silence on the matter. Maybe he will, maybe he won't but you put the information out there and you can't put it back in the box

Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do.

Did the Op even mention abortion?

Honestly, abortion isn't even an option. It's illegal in Ireland for one. There's plenty of financial support for lone parents in this country and the op probably will have the support of her family once they get used to the idea.

Overheal

OP obviously you're under a lot of stress but you can't let your brother's reaction get the better of you.

He's not going to throw you out. There is no way he would throw you out. It's frankly inconceivable. Not in your brother's position. Not gonna happen.

Just go ahead in get that idea out of your mind right now. Theres plenty of other things you need to be thinking about, but where you are going to be sleeping next week is not one of those things.

Now, as a brother, Im not prepared to be my sister's centre of support when she becomes suddenly pregnant. But throw her out of my house I would not.

Don't worry about him throwing you out of the house. But neither should you expect him to have any of the answers you're looking for. He's made it abundantly clear he is not able or willing to "Clean up after your mess" as he put it. That entails composing yourself and dealing with this like an independent young woman. You're old enough where you don't need a big brother bailout. Prove you're able to handle the situation like a grown up and he will continue to have no reason to throw you out.

ztoical

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Did the Op even mention abortion?

Honestly, abortion isn't even an option. It's illegal in Ireland for one. There's plenty of financial support for lone parents in this country and the op probably will have the support of her family once they get used to the idea.

The OP stated they [her and BF] had more or less decided not to have go through with the pregnancy which implies they will terminate. While yes abortion is illegal in Ireland [unless the mothers health is at risk] it is legal for women to travel overseas to seek an abortion. Regardless I don't think this thread or any thread on boards should be passing any judgment for or against abortion, it's the OP's discussion to make....dellas1979 has given the OP a good link to Positive options which will be a good aid to the OP to go through ALL her options.

S23

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Did the Op even mention abortion?

Honestly, abortion isn't even an option. It's illegal in Ireland for one. There's plenty of financial support for lone parents in this country and the op probably will have the support of her family once they get used to the idea.

OP said they are 'more than likely not going to have it'. Thats what I took it to mean

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Did the Op even mention abortion?

Honestly, abortion isn't even an option. It's illegal in Ireland for one. There's plenty of financial support for lone parents in this country and the op probably will have the support of her family once they get used to the idea.

Yea that's true that it's not legal here but that doesn't stop anyone from having an abortion elsewhere and we were taking precautions which obviously didn't work so what I should now be punished cause of this ? nobody was going round with the idea of using abortion as a form of contraception at all.

Anyway I'm sure when things have more time to sink in things will work out.

Danniboo

afraid wrote: »

Yea that's true that it's not legal here but that doesn't stop anyone from having an abortion elsewhere and we were taking precautions which obviously didn't work so what I should now be punished cause of this ? nobody was going round with the idea of using abortion as a form of contraception at all.

Anyway I'm sure when things have more time to sink in things will work out.

Punished??? :eek: you see a child as a punishment. No it's a consequence of your actions. The poor child that's all I can say.

Kimia

afraid wrote: »

we were taking precautions which obviously didn't work so what I should now be punished cause of this ?

Don't mean to be harsh OP, but yes actually. You and your bf chose to have sex, now you have to deal with the consequences.

You sound extremely immature and I can understand why your brother was horrified when he heard you were pregnant. To be honest I'm pretty horrified myself to hear how irreponsible you sound. You need to grow up.

PopUp

Wanting an abortion does not make the OP immature. Thousands of Irish women do it every year and most of them do it because their contraception failed.

OP if you are really considering this, have a look at Positive Options. There are lots of Irish organisations which can provide you with information, make an appointment for you, and talk you through it to see if it's really what you want.

Just take your time. You have only just found out you are pregnant, let it all sink in and talk to your OH about what you both think is best.

Good luck.

Nevyn

Enough of the moralising and the browbeating of the OP it is NOT helpful.


afraid get in touch with positive option and avail of the free crises pregnancy counselling sessions. They do not push you in any direction it is your choice but you will get informtionan on all the options and what supports you can access what ever you choose.

www.positiveoptions.ie

profitius

The brother was probably good to her and let her stay with him as long as she stuck to certain rules. I presume one of the unwritten rules was not getting pregnant so you can see why the brother is upset. The last thing he should be doing is looking after the baby of the boyfriend he doesn't like.

Thaedydal wrote: »

Enough of the moralising and the browbeating of the OP it is NOT helpful.

The OP needs to take responsibility for her own actions. The reason this country is going the way it is is because few people take responsibility for their actions.

Although its not helpful to make the OP feel bad it is helpful to point out where shes going wrong so she can improve that part of her life.

ztoical

profitius wrote: »

The OP needs to take responsibility for her own actions. The reason this country is going the way it is is because few people take responsibility for their actions.

Although its not helpful to make the OP feel bad it is helpful to point out where shes going wrong so she can improve that part of her life.

There is a difference in taking the cruel to be kind approach to advice giving and to people projecting their own views and beliefs on to the OP. Yes the OP has to wake up and take responsibility for her actions but given the OP has implied she plans to abort her pregnancy this thread is in danger of being derailed by peoples different views of abortion and not on the OP's situation. Some would see her choice to have an abortion as taking responsibility as she is clearly not ready to have a baby while others see it as her not being able to take responsibility for her actions and trying to run away. There is no right or wrong answer to that as it comes down to each persons belief and we're just going to get a lot of bickering back and forth.

profitius

profitius wrote: »

The OP needs to take responsibility for her own actions. The reason this country is going the way it is is because few people take responsibility for their actions.
.

Having a termination if that's what she feels is necessary IS taking responsibility. Just because you have a personal belief that it's wrong doesn't mean she isn't taking responsibility. Frankly I think if she were to bury her head in the sand and refuse to do anything about it - THAT would be irresponsible.

daniboo wrote:

you see a child as a punishment.

No, that's kimia:

Don't mean to be harsh OP, but yes actually

Given the tone of a few people around here, it sounds like a number of you think a child is a good punishment :rolleyes:

I don't know where everyone is getting the idea she's not "dealing with the consequences". She's torn up about it obv, and afraid her bro is throwing her out, and saying they're going ot decide if they're not going to continue it. That IS dealing with it , just in a way some people don't like.
it's as ridiculous as saying if you're in a car accident from driving carelessly you should "face the consequences" and not get medical attention :rolleyes:

OP I also suggest whatever your decision is that you seek counselling from +options etc and remember the decision is nobody else's but yours and your bfs. good luck

LegacyUser

If a woman decides to have sex with a guy then she should know - if she is even close to being mature about it - that she risks getting pregnant. So she should take responsibility for the sex - i.e. the unborn child is now her responsibility, and the father's.

Speaking as a woman I can say that no woman in this day and age should be daft enough - or ignorant enough - to think that pregnancy is not a possibility from sex. There is absolutely no such thing as ANY birth control that work 100% of the time.

The responsibility is now towards the child. But it is a joy, not a punishment. Been there.

metrovelvet

Kimia wrote: »

Don't mean to be harsh OP, but yes actually. You and your bf chose to have sex, now you have to deal with the consequences.

You sound extremely immature and I can understand why your brother was horrified when he heard you were pregnant. To be honest I'm pretty horrified myself to hear how irreponsible you sound. You need to grow up.

You know... once upon a time in Irish maternity wards the nuns stood there and said to women in labour "that's what you get."

Your words are no different.

OP I dont think you should heed much of the rather cruel feedback you're getting here. It is not unreasonable to be shocked when family dont react in a kind way when you are in a crisis. Its the last thing you need.

Find a counsellor for real and productive support. You wont find it here.

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

You know... once upon a time in Irish maternity wards the nuns stood there and said to women in labour "that's what you get."

I really get so tired of hearing about "the bad old days" and the "once upon a time" in Ireland. Jeez talk about creating a bogus past. As someone old enough to remember these days - and bore children then - I can tell you I NEVER heard a nun say in a maternity ward "that's what you get". What nonsense.

Isn't it about time we learned to accept that the recent "past" was not a hell hole in Ireland? Talk about responsible behaviour -

profitius

I was talking about taking responsibility for getting pregnant in the first place.

Silverfish

Can we please avoid the debates and focus on advising the OP on her current situation rather than judging her for getting there, thanks.

theg81der

If you don`t want the baby I`ll take it and there are loads of others who would to theres more than two options, just in case you don`t know. Sometimes when you give yourself time to get over the initial shock things don`t look so bleek.

My cousin had a baby when she was your age and it was the making of her before that she had no direction no motivation, not saying its the same for everyone but you don`t know how you will react or what you could learn about yourself.

I`m a bit older than you,28, and I have no kids, had a miscarriage in September, and I wish I had made more "mistakes". I had such firm ideas about how and when I wanted to have children and now I see that its a blessing always.

Your brother loves you and will get over it, he should have been a little more supportive and thought about you first. But I have a 21 yea old sister (who I adore and took in for a few months this year) and if she told me she was pregnant I`m not sure how I would react but I`d like to think better than that.

To be quite honest, OP, it's not your brother's problem nor his responsibility. I'm not jumping on the 'you're irresponsible' bandwagon, but the fact is, you and your boyfriend had sex, you and your boyfriend got pregnant. Yet now, your brother somehow has an obligation to look after you, even though it has nothing to do with him and it sounds like he's already been good to you. Stop to see it from his perspective for just a moment. He doesn't like your boyfriend, the guy has got you pregnant and now seems to have stepped back from all the responsibility, leaving your brother feeling like he has to look after you AND a baby. I'm not surprised he's disappointed and annoyed.

I don't know if it's an older/younger sibling thing, but I live with my younger sister and she's forever making her problems into my problems. It's incredibly annoying. I have enough on my plate as it is. It's not that I don't want to help her out, but it's really immature. I've always had to take responsibility for my own actions, I didn't expect someone else to step it and sort it all out. It might not be your fault your contraception didn't work but it certainly isn't your brother's. It's not a nice position for him to be put in.

I suspect he won't really throw you out but is feeling very disappointed and angry, as I would be. He probably feels that you are relying on him feeling like he has to help you out and is probably resentful for that. The father of your child should be supporting you, not your brother. I am getting an underlying sense of entitlement from you, that because it 'wasn't your fault', you shouldn't be 'punished'. It's not a matter of being punished (and Christ on a bike, a child is not a punishment), it's about taking responsibility, i.e. not acting like someone else has an obligation to take care of you. Or at least giving some of that responsibility over to the other person who helped create the child. Obviously this is a hard time for you, but consider your brother's feelings as well.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,thanks again for the replies,I'm sorry if I'm posting in a way that makes me seem immature etc it's not what I'm like and I don't mean to come across that way ,I don't expect my brother to look after me with this or do anything like that I just was at a very low point and it was weighing so bad on my mind and when he asked what jad me so down I told him simply just to tell him.

I was NOT looking for him to come up with any solutions to it or anything as that is down to me and my boyfriend and he has told me he won't be telling anyone as it's not his place to do so and has since calmed and apologised for the way he went on and said that he will be there for me whatever I decide to do which is a huge weight off my mind to know he's not angry at me still but I still won't be relying on him to do anything for me or my boyfriend but it's nice to know that he is there.

metrovelvet

It really is like something from another era. The instinct to punish this girl.

Your brother is being a dick OP. He doesnt like his sisters sexuality right in his face. That is what this is about. Nothing says you have been a bad girl like a pregnancy.

And they say feminism's work is done. Ahem. Not here it aint.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

The Corinthian

afraid wrote: »

Hi guys,thanks again for the replies,I'm sorry if I'm posting in a way that makes me seem immature etc it's not what I'm like and I don't mean to come across that way ,I don't expect my brother to look after me with this or do anything like that I just was at a very low point and it was weighing so bad on my mind and when he asked what jad me so down I told him simply just to tell him.

While your brother may be getting all Victorian on you, I suspect that he may simply be drawing a line in the sand, as it were.

From his perspective (at least from what you've said), you are nowhere near self-sufficient on your own, let alone with a child. Instead you are living (presumably rent-and-bill free) under his roof and while you may claim that you don't expect your brother to look after you, you are not in a position to do so and your bf certainly does not appear to be volunteering.

This means that regardless of your expectations or intentions, your brother will end up looking after you as things stand and that really is not fair on him. Drawing a line in the sand like this, however harsh, is a way of both protecting himself from this inevitability and is also a way to force you to get your act together.

As such, if you can show him that you are getting your act together and will not end up a burden to him, then his attitude could well become more supportive.