ex girlfriend says she pregant

dancesatnight

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

MagicMarker

No you don't have to see the child if you don't want to, but yes you will have to pay for it if she wants you to.

And it's not solely her fault she got pregnant, you were there too, remember?

djk1000

If you're going to have a kid, then man up! Be a good father, be as civil as you can manage with the ex and keep looking for a job. Chances are that after the shock of this and things settle down, your kid will become the most important thing in your world and you'll be very glad that you are playing a part in their lives.

You have to tell you parents what is going on, you can't hide a child and I bet they'll be more pissed if your ex turns up with a baby someday:eek: tell them about your suspicions.

That said, tell your ex that you'll support the child only after a paternity test, but carry on for now as if she is pregnant and it's yours. She could just be attention seeking, people (not gender specific) can get quite weird with their ex, particularly if he/she has moved on.

Nevyn

Well if you don't want anything to do with the child you can wait until it's born and ask for a paternity test when you get taken to court for maintenance, if you can be found to have a court summons served on you.

Women will do crazy things to try keep a man in their life, if she is as untrustworthy as you have said then keep your distance, change your number, tell her all correspondence it to go via a solicitor to you.

Joey the lips

I am a man but i have never gotten this arguement. With due respect as said above you made the child together. Its hardly fair to leave her or the state to carry the can alone.

faceman

Ive always felt that the whole "well there were two of you there when you were having sex" is a poor counter argument as the male's view on keeping the child is for the most part irrelevent when it comes to the decision over what happens with the unborn child. Pregnancy is a not a punishment for having sex, sometimes its planned, sometimes its not.

OP, i think you need to inform your parents and face the issue head on. You are not legally obliged to have to be there for the child (physically) but you need to think about that part of it. No point in deciding now you want nothing to do with the child but then years down the road deciding that you do.

Best of luck though, hope it all works out.

metrovelvet

Sounds like you are scared of the responsibility.

You do have to pay maintenance. You dont have to do anything else and no one can force you to stay in the country.

But one day the child will be an adult and you will have to answer to that adult as to why you didnt want them. ANd one day you may change your mind but do not assume a door will be left open for you or that one day when you are sick and old and dying in a hospital your adult child will do anything more for you that you did for him or her.

Have the decency to leave a family medical history behind and a photo so the child is not sitting there wondering what his or her father looks like.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Joey the lips wrote: »

I am a man but i have never gotten this arguement. With due respect as said above you made the child together. Its hardly fair to leave her or the state to carry the can alone.

He doesn't have to stay with her if he doesn't love her. This isn't 20 or 30 years ago. It is his ex and he is in a new relationship now.

OP, you will more than likely have to pay some money to her, that is only fair. You may be means tested and that amount might be small. I am not 100% on it.

Jessica-Rabbit

dancesatnight wrote: »

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

I dont mean to sound harsh but there were two of you in this realtionship.. if she stopted taking the pill u could have used a condom to protect yourself and this girl// you have no right to resent her if you didnt want to get her pregant then you should have done everthing to enusre that wouldnt happen.. u should infrom ur parents and your new gf about the situation they have a right to know.. if u think you may not be the father then ask for a paternity test when the baby is born.
And yes you do have to support YOUR baby if it is yours.. you helped make therefore you have a responibilty .. next time be more careful

Deliverance

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well if you don't want anything to do with the child you can wait until it's born and ask for a paternity test when you get taken to court for maintenance, if you can be found to have a court summons served on you.

Women will do crazy things to try keep a man in their life, if she is as untrustworthy as you have said then keep your distance, change your number, tell her all correspondence it to go via a solicitor to you.

Seconded. I have had a similar experience from years ago from a 'desperate' woman / girl. She kept me hanging for a long time due to my inexperience and naivety. It caused me a hell of a lot of stress and guilt. She was never pregnant in the first place.

That is a simple example from personal experience. Take it as you will.

In this respect: The OP should get their parents involved as soon as possible for some more moral support and advice for a start and go from there. Your parents will be much more helpful than you might think because their first concern and indeed most important thing in their life is you!

They will advise and help you far more than any stranger on an internet site will be able to do in a deeper way. Initial advice is good from asking questions but your parents will do a lot more for you fella if you take the leap and talk to them. Best of luck.

dancesatnight

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Deliverance

dancesatnight wrote: »

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Oh sweet jebus, this sounds familiar. I got involved with a girl with the same problems that you have just said. It was awful, I stuck by her as a nice chap. She held me for a year with emotional blackmail though and false pregnancies. I was and am a decent fella.

I once had to throw her clothes out of my place to get rid. After I copped on to her.

The same girl went mental at the time. It was hard to do but she pushed me to my limits. Despite my nice nature. She played on that a lot. She ended up in hospital diagnosed with schizophrenia. I still have a feeling of care about her in some respects.

I think that you should forget about this person and get on with your life. But I imagine for you that some closure is an issue i.e. the pregnancy thing.

the person in question will only make things worse for you. Ask for a dna test if the birth ever occurs fella.

As an extra: i would be carefull on who you get pregnant, it is a lifetime commitment whether you like it or not. The child is not a victim, only a consequence of your actions. Live with it and pay for it if that is the case.

dancesatnight

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

Oink

dancesatnight wrote: »

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

There's a good point. If that's true, you're out of the woods (EDIT: ...and she's a psycho). If she can't see that it make no F-ing sense whatosever, I suggest you never ever talk, txt, mail her or anything. If you have pulled your life together you ll want nothing to do with a psycho like that.

Moylaragh

The best way to calculate if her due date is correct is -

Preganancy is calculated as being 40 weeks.

So work it out with your dates.

They will also let her go 2 weeks overdue but no more.

littlebug

someone who has been given a due date of 1st July would have conceived at the end of sept/ start of Oct. Count 38 weeks back from due date to get the estimated conception date (assuming a regular cycle).
(40 week pregnancy is from 1st day of last period rather than conception date).

metrovelvet

Due dates are an inexact science. They got mine wrong.

Nevyn

Calculating due dates and conception dates is always a rough guess.

themysteriouson

Look if you havent slept with her since July/ August and your sure about that then you have nothing to worry about. Obviously this girl is not in the right frame of mind and is deperate to find someone to share the responsibility of this baby.

The best option for you is to sit it out until baby is born and if she tries to convince you your the father a simple paternity test will clear things up.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

my ex decided after a talk we had to stop taking her pill and is now very pregant im trapped

what can i do i told her i didnt want kids she already has one by an other father and she told me he doesnt pay a penny ive lost my job and im on the job seekers allowance and money is very tight as it is

i dont mean to sound like a cold hearted ************************* but i told her i didnt want to have kids and she turned in to a complete nut case

Do i have to see the child, pay maintance or have any thing to do with them? i was planning on moving to canda or england in search of work

i am in a new relationship and things are going great for once in my life i know it sounds really selfish but i honest dont want to be a part of her life and because of what she has done i deeply rescent her the last time we talked i told her i didnt want to have any more contact but she keeps txting me and im worried she will arrive at my door well my perents door or call the house i had to move home because i lost my job and dont want to put them though all of this mess.to make matters worse she told me the night we broke up and she is a compullive lier and the length of pregency doesnt add up my head is a mess

if any more has any advise please tell me im at my withs end

i know you said she was on pill and did not take it, BUT DID YOU NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND AS SOME, WHEN MAKING LOVE WEAR A GLOVE, stop blaming her only, you did not make any effort to stop this happening, blame yourself, if you did not want to become a daddy, why did you not have the snip if you had no intention of wearing a condom.
remember every time you do that, you are risking your own health,
you had your fun, now stand up and be a good father, dont blame her

themysteriouson

goat2 wrote: »

i know you said she was on pill and did not take it, BUT DID YOU NOT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND AS SOME, WHEN MAKING LOVE WEAR A GLOVE, stop blaming her only, you did not make any effort to stop this happening, blame yourself, if you did not want to become a daddy, why did you not have the snip if you had no intention of wearing a condom.
remember every time you do that, you are risking your own health,
you had your fun, now stand up and be a good father, dont blame her

He already said that the dates are way out so I dont see the point in telling him to step up and be a father as it is unlikely the child is even his!!

I'm sorry but I'm a woman and frankly if what the OP says is true I am disgusted that a person who go to such lents to try to convince him he is the father of a child that by the due date couldnt possibly be his. Not only is that not fair on him but it is also cruel and irresponsible on her behalf.

Deliverance

To be honest it sounds like the OP is off the hook and hopefully has learned a life experience lesson in the process. You got off lucky this time OP. If you want to do something nice for this ex then point the girl to a counsellor and then get her out of your life and move on.

Don't be to nice, I made that mistake and got stuck for over a year, it was not nice and did damage. Cut your losses and run fella. Count yourself lucky in this case.

Hope it works out for you.

goat2

themysteriouson wrote: »

He already said that the dates are way out so I dont see the point in telling him to step up and be a father as it is unlikely the child is even his!!
iI'm sorry but I'm a woman and frankly if what the OP says is true I am disgusted that a person who go to such lents to try to convince him he is the father of a child that by the due date couldnt possibly be his. Not only is that not fair on him but it is also cruel and irresponsible on her behalf.

too am a woman and mother of 4, so what is that about, he was taking risks anyway, since he does not want to be a father, could he not take responsibility for his own life and health, wear a glove always, no matter what she tells you.

themysteriouson

goat2 wrote: »

too am a woman and mother of 4, so what is that about, he was taking risks anyway, since he does not want to be a father, could he not take responsibility for his own life and health, wear a glove always, no matter what she tells you.

Oh I didn't mean the "wear a glove part", more so the "step up and be a father" part. Should of cut the quote down in the last post.

The point I was trying to make is that it is obvoius he is not the father so why tell him to step up??
I agree he should of been more careful and that he was stupid in his choices but that doesnt give her the right to try and fool him into taking responsibility for someone elses child. That is the part that disgusts me.

lucy2010

dancesatnight wrote: »

i talked to my mum and she was well shocked and didnt know what to say but oh well another unwant child coming in to this world its a shame things weren't different.

ive decided to do nothing till the expected date of 1st of july with makes it a 13 month pregency to my count and a few months back well before christmas when she said she was 5 weeks gone i said at week 7 we'll go for a scan and make sure everything is ok but she wont do it so i stopped talking to her then in jan she sent me a scan pic via moible so i compared it to out others and sent it to a friend who is an ultra sound tech dude and he said it was a fake and she is full of s!£$ so i thought nothing of it and then a week ago i get a txt saying the expected date but the time lines dont add up so my heads in a mess with her job hunting and not my perents being involed

i know i should be my part but honestly the way she has treated me and abused me via txt and phone calls i honest have grown to hate this woman and wish she would just slip away in to the night and be gone from my life for good

im mostly just worried she is going to do everything in her power to mess up my life and everything else

thank you for your advise on it, i know it takes two to tango but i was honestly under the impression she was looking after it coz i did offer numerious time to wear a rubber but she said it takes away from the feeling and it already sorted

her character profile
she treid to kill her self with booze and lots of pain killers rang me and i found her pasted out at the top of the stairs
has lied to her whole family about having a job when she doesnt
already had a child at 17 drunk in a tree
angry
depressed
and bitter when people get things she isnt bothered working for

Hey - You sound like your in a right knot here. Its support you need at the moment . One thing - If she sent you the scan - get it enlarged - They always have the date & babies measurements on it & loads of other bits of info. Post it up here or pm me with it - ill explain what the bits mean. Just means you can prove its fake if it doesnt tally up.
There are plenty of fruiters out there who will do anything to trap a guy. & it sounds from your posts you caught a right juicy one.

goat2

themysteriouson wrote: »

Oh I didn't mean the "wear a glove part", more so the "step up and be a father" part. Should of cut the quote down in the last post.

The point I was trying to make is that it is obvoius he is not the father so why tell him to step up??
I agree he should of been more careful and that he was stupid in his choices but that doesnt give her the right to try and fool him into taking responsibility for someone elses child. That is the part that disgusts me.

my point was he did not think with his head , and look after number one(himself)

dancesatnight

so the first of july when would that have been im terrible at working stuff like that out

dancesatnight

i have learnt my lesson and trust me i will never ever do with out a rubber again and thats just a fact now

im with a wonderfull girl now who is just amazing she supportive kind caring and cares for me the complete opposit eof the other one we she started out really nice but very quickly be came controling mean and selfish im mostly scaried of the ex storming in guns blazing shout and cozing all hell to break lose and to make things worse her bother is a garda and has treaten me with him and her dad and violance so not so nice really

i am playing everything by ear now not contacting her and waiting to see what she does next basically shes a fruit loop she bullies the father of her other child. to be honest i feel for the child having a mother like that she was going to kill her self well tried to but i came to the resuce an hours drive turned in to half an hour and then tried to explain she is no longer thinking for her self but both of them. what would happen to her little boy if she was gone hes 4 by the way so she has quite a while to get to used to him

littlebug

dancesatnight wrote: »

so the first of july when would that have been im terrible at working stuff like that out

Have a look at this. http://babymed.com/Tools/pregnancy/conception_date/Default.aspx

For a due date of July 1st it gives conception between Oct 3rd and Oct 9th.

HOWEVER.... as pointed out above this is based on a regular 28 day cycle when in reality length of cycle can vary hugely from woman to women.
The due date given at initial appointments is worked out by counting 40 weeks from the first day of the womans last period ASSUMING she will have ovulated/ conceived around about 14(ish) days after that.
As mentioned above the dates can be out for many varying reasons. I've never heard of anyone being out by 2-3 months though.

However, if you genuinely haven't been with women since last July and she is definitely due this July then this isn't your baby. A baby conceived e.g at the end of July would be due towards the end of April.

Unless you've misheard or she has made a mistake with dates it sounds like this woman is playing you. I would check and double check all of the details and think back have you forgotten any encounters with her before making any accusations. If you are 100% solid in your own dates then a paternity test will back you up.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

i have learnt my lesson and trust me i will never ever do with out a rubber again and thats just a fact now

im with a wonderfull girl now who is just amazing she supportive kind caring and cares for me the complete opposit eof the other one we she started out really nice but very quickly be came controling mean and selfish im mostly scaried of the ex storming in guns blazing shout and cozing all hell to break lose and to make things worse her bother is a garda and has treaten me with him and her dad and violance so not so nice really

i am playing everything by ear now not contacting her and waiting to see what she does next basically shes a fruit loop she bullies the father of her other child. to be honest i feel for the child having a mother like that she was going to kill her self well tried to but i came to the resuce an hours drive turned in to half an hour and then tried to explain she is no longer thinking for her self but both of them. what would happen to her little boy if she was gone hes 4 by the way so she has quite a while to get to used to him

i hope many other young single men read this thread, it ould be brilliant you can not trust any one not even a girlfriend in this case, just only yourself, hope for your sake that this child is not yours, as you would have to put up with that woman until the child turns 18 and after that it is the child only you would be dealing with, if the dates you give are correct, there is no way you are the dad, but be shure of your dates

dancesatnight

the dates i gave were the ones she txt me so i can only go on that really

any yeah i can only hope it opens more peoples eyes about what can happen like the night i broke up with her she rang like 9 times then i answered and she said she was pregant then her story changed from being 2 weeks goned to 5 weeks gone and i offered to pay for a scan but she wont go then she tried to make me pay 50 euro a week till the baby was born then said it would be 200 a week after that and i explain i would have 100 euro a week to cover bills and living basically so no i cant afford that then she abused me a lot verbally over the phone then called round out of the blue on a sunday morning to my perents house to have a chat thank god they were out and i talked to her but i said any money matters will go though the social welfare or my solictor and then she backed off and it was only txts and over the phone abuse then she backed off for 3 months and it was a very poor quality mms sonagram which took off my phone and put on my laptop and it looked like she had taken it off a small picture on a screen of some sort then the last txt saying just to let u know your future son or daughter is due on the 1st of july and is healthy but i know u dont care !

seriously be warned there are some nutters out ther

metrovelvet

You attract what you project.

Ironman76

Do you mind me asking how old are you dancesatnight?

I was in the very same situation as yourself 14 years ago. Was going out with a girl that was cheating on me left right and centre. . dumped her and then got a big sob story etc so gave her one last chance, then she cheated on me again so that was that.
Then she told me she was pregnant because she stopped taking her pill (of course I wasnt told this). So we got back together, I was only 19 and thought I would be hung drawn and quartered by everyone dumping a pregnant girl. She was like a different person throughout the pregnancy, but once the baby was born, after a few more months she was back to her old self.Fourteen years on and she is still the same, I HATE having her in my life, at least she was young (18) when we were together but she has no excuse for her attitude towards me now. My son is great, I have to say Id be lost without him and I wouldnt change a thing.Firstly get her out of your life and dont let her manipulate you, show her that you will do whatever you can to help but that you wont accept any bullsh*t. Becoming a father isnt the end of the world, in fact it changed my life for the better. I think the first thing to do is to find out if its really yours, before you do anything else. As for maintenance at the end of the day youre not working, talk to her yourself about this and try not to involve the courts. But find out if the child is yours, the longer you leave this is will just get worse.And the whole "Two To Tango" thing is b*llox. Its only that when both are waltzing to the same tune

dancesatnight

im 24 mate ive been trying to find work but its a hard market to find work out there at the moment i check all the job sites everyday and follow up on all the emails i send with a call to make sure they got it

its mad she changed just like your story as soon as she had something to get at me she turned in to a crazy lady honestly if she is preg i will do what i can but all my guts feelings and my closest friends who ive told say it doesnt add up but im not taking that for granted and she drops off the radar after a txt to turn the knife then she will drop off again her firery temper is what scares me there isnt much i wont say she wont do even if it was just out of spite

i honest its going to sound hurtful to her but i would like a dna test just to make sure because i dont trust her at all i dont know if she cheated on me but i wont put it past her and it seemed offally convenent to tell me the night we broke up will the night i left a letter for her to tell me this

AARRRRGH

My friend had a similar problem. Girlfriend told him she was pregnant after they split. He paid maintenance for 4 years and made a life with the child. Then out of the blue her sister blurted out to him that he wasnt the father.
He got tests done and it turned out he wasnt the father.

So there he was.
Paying maintenance for 4 years.
Had a son that he really loved - who wasnt his son.
His "Son" who wasnt his son loved him as his father.

He confronted her and she wouldnt let him see the child again. Awful situation.
Get this sorted out straight after the birth.

Joey the lips

AARRRRGH wrote: »

My friend had a similar problem. Girlfriend told him she was pregnant after they split. He paid maintenance for 4 years and made a life with the child. Then out of the blue her sister blurted out to him that he wasnt the father.
He got tests done and it turned out he wasnt the father.

So there he was.
Paying maintenance for 4 years.
Had a son that he really loved - who wasnt his son.
His "Son" who wasnt his son loved him as his father.

He confronted her and she wouldnt let him see the child again. Awful situation.
Get this sorted out straight after the birth.

Thats awful sad.

hacked

metrovelvet wrote: »

You attract what you project.

I'm sorry, but you didn't say that to me when I was dealing with my psycho ex not wanting anything to do with our child.
That statement is not necessarily true, and really really unhelpful. Not really appropriate.

metrovelvet

hacked wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you didn't say that to me when I was dealing with my psycho ex not wanting anything to do with our child.
That statement is not necessarily true, and really really unhelpful. Not really appropriate.

No I didn't. I hadn't thought of it at the time. Should I have?

Bob the Seducer

I guess the first thing to do is see if you can remember fairly accurately the last time you slept with her, you can do a rough calculation from there of when she should be due.
The fact that she is looking for money now and setting amounts doesn't look good on her part when you combine that with not wanting to go for a scan and changing how far along she is.
She wouldn't be the first to play the pregnancy card after a breakup (or do the whole pills and alcohol thing to get attention).
If you haven't been with her since the breakup (and the due date is when you say) I can't see how it could be yours.

Oh yeah, keep any text messages etc... that she sends you because you may need them at a later stage. If she's as volatile as you say, you might have to look into getting a restraining order.
To be honest, from what you've said, it seems as though she's trying to play you.

hacked

edit

Nevyn

OK enough of the personal remarks and "the secret" bolloxolgy thank you.

Nevyn

metrovelvet banned for 1 week for not dropping the tangent as requested
and refusing to follow directives on not waging a War of Attrition on this site.

goat2

dancesatnight wrote: »

the dates i gave were the ones she txt me so i can only go on that really

any yeah i can only hope it opens more peoples eyes about what can happen like the night i broke up with her she rang like 9 times then i answered and she said she was pregant then her story changed from being 2 weeks goned to 5 weeks gone and i offered to pay for a scan but she wont go then she tried to make me pay 50 euro a week till the baby was born then said it would be 200 a week after that and i explain i would have 100 euro a week to cover bills and living basically so no i cant afford that then she abused me a lot verbally over the phone then called round out of the blue on a sunday morning to my perents house to have a chat thank god they were out and i talked to her but i said any money matters will go though the social welfare or my solictor and then she backed off and it was only txts and over the phone abuse then she backed off for 3 months and it was a very poor quality mms sonagram which took off my phone and put on my laptop and it looked like she had taken it off a small picture on a screen of some sort then the last txt saying just to let u know your future son or daughter is due on the 1st of july and is healthy but i know u dont care !

seriously be warned there are some nutters out ther

hopefully you kept that text messagem , and the dates she gave you on that message are correct, if that is the case you are off the hook,
you sound genuine

dancesatnight

ill be honest with all of you i was brought upto be a kind caring loving person but i feel like im being played and i was looking for advise from people who didnt know me and her and at totally out side view on things and i want to take a moment to thank every one

im honest in two world right now but i will take everything every one has said and try and work out the best way of dealing with the situtation

shes a scary deeply angry person i used to be but a few years of marshal arts and talking to some one and some drugs that made every thing grey not happy or sad made me realise things mean to be dealt with in new ways. i just feel that she needs amoment like i had to open her eyes to stop taking the piss with people my main point is that i dont think she is pregant by me and if soi will look after things from my side but i want a test to show it or her to come clean

Tail Wagger

dancesatnight wrote: »

She just txted me there saying the expected date of the 1st of july but we broke end of july very start of august so she must have the justation period of an elephant makes no sense

Listen Mate, the best thing to do is , go to her Doctor with her and get it from the Doctor how long she's pregnant(if she is] if the dates don't work out then WALK
Tell your parents how your feeling and they'll help you sort this mess out. Then when your head is cleared get to be fcuked away from her, most important change your phone number.... and keep your Dick under wraps!

Deliverance

dancesatnight wrote: »

ill be honest with all of you i was brought upto be a kind caring loving person but i feel like im being played and i was looking for advise from people who didnt know me and her and at totally out side view on things and i want to take a moment to thank every one

im honest in two world right now but i will take everything every one has said and try and work out the best way of dealing with the situtation

shes a scary deeply angry person i used to be but a few years of marshal arts and talking to some one and some drugs that made every thing grey not happy or sad made me realise things mean to be dealt with in new ways. i just feel that she needs amoment like i had to open her eyes to stop taking the piss with people my main point is that i dont think she is pregant by me and if soi will look after things from my side but i want a test to show it or her to come clean

So basically you know the child is not yours? Leave it at that. Do not enable her fella, at the moment it is unfortunate that, that is exactly what you are doing. Count your self lucky and move away from the situation now. If you want to be a professional carer or counsellour then go and do that as a career.

As it stands you are making the same mistake that I did in thinking that you can solve it yourself. That is never going to happpen and it 'will' bring you down. Let it go, let her go right now!

If you really want to help her, then point her in the direction of some professional counselling. That is all you can do. I talk from experience.

hacked

I guess I'll give my two cents worth as someone who is in the situation your ex is claiming to be.

I am over due on my first baby. Was engaged to the father, and he turned into an abusive ass during my pregnancy, so I had to break it off with him. After that he got even more abusive and refuses to take any sort of responsiblity.

With all of that said, I think you sound like a genuine person and are in a very unfortunate situation.

now, from personal experience:
If my ex hadn't gone off the deep end I would have continued to do everything in my power to get him involved.
Like the last poster said, INSIST on going to her next doctors appointment etc. If she refuses, then walk away. Give her an ultimatum. You will pay for the child if you are allowed to be fully involved in the pregnancy etc. (Obviously you won't be held to this if you aren't the father!) If she won't agree to this, walk. She's most likely lying about a pregnancy at all if she won't have you near her, or else she is pregnant like everyone else is saying and the dates are so far off she knows if you go to the doc with her it won't take long to work it out. If you can talk her into letting you go to an appointment it might be the fast track way of cutting the situation off or good?

Being a nice person is wonderful, and I don't think you should be nasty to her...but at the end of the day you need to stick up for yourself too!

Good luck

theg81der

Women are not all sperm seeking nutters and I resent the posts which suggest this. This thread is written from one persons perspective and who knows how skewed that could be.

Its unbelievable the amount of guys who say their ex`s are nuts and their new gf`s are so different, so amazing, not like the ex blah blah etc and a year later that same new gf is "nuts" and replaced.

Mens ego`s have a lot to answer for in this respect - because of course your so wonderful and amazing that these girls would do anything to "steal" your sperm, trick you in to bed with their wily ways. And you couldn`t possibly be the one who was wrong - yes, it must be her, she`s "nuts":rolleyes:.

Grow up, decide when you want to have children and till then wear protection, or even better get to know the girls character and if it suits your, show her respect and don`t sleep with her. Most Womens emotions are in their vagina`s and you guys know that so why sleep with someone before you know if you will hurt them.

This girl is obviously hurt and left alone x2 of course that is emotionally damaging, what do people expect it to be?

dancesatnight

theg81der i have to agree with you most men like to massage their ego's and im no different thats just being honest with you my current girl friend i was really good friends with for about 5 years be for we got together so i know her really well and like everyone both herself and my self have moments where for all intensive perposes we fight completely off the deep end and do some thing very strange indeed but she who will remain name less start off really nice and then i mean over night changed and yes i should have kept my bits wrapped up and gotten to know her first but i didnt and slept with her before i got to know her shpuld have seen the warning signs (no friends really) but i didnt take any notice i went digging though all my emails gotta love gmail saving them and i broke up with her the last week in august because i asked a friend to come over and have wine and a take way that night and i explained why breaking up with the girlfriend in the email i have a record of the date and its still way out dates wise i was chatting with one of my female friends about it this morning and she said the first thing when it all kicked off was that she mixed up the dates and changed her story to much and then refused to go to the scan and as she put it any pregant woman wants to know that there baby is healthy and the fact i offered to book it pay for it and then if she didnt want me there i organised with the clinic that i could call them afterwards and one of them would tell me everything is ok and the bay is healthy was an instant mega warning sign and dont talk to her she is trying to pull a fast one on u

and yes there are blokes out there who are nasty and mean and down right cruel but there are women out there to like that all im saying is that now i worked it out in my mind and the dates dont match and the warning signs are flashing i feel more relaxed about it and after the 1st of july if she is still at this malarky ill ask for a paterinty test but i dont think it will come to that well i hope not.

hacked

Dancesatnight -- it's funny you mention the no friends as a warning sign. That's something I think everyone should look out for. Us nice people tend to feel sorry for people with no friends and give them the benefit of the doubt.... ie. being misunderstood. The more I get on with my life, the more I realise people with no excuse (ie. just having moved, or someone who has moved and is having difficulty settling in) who have no friends usually don't have friends for a good reason!

dancesatnight

feeling much better about it today at least not i know it doesnt add up