Am I being selfish

LegacyUser

K, just wanted to vent really my bf of over 2 years broke up with me last week (by text). Anyways just something he said Valentines Day, that has bugged me that I need to get off my chest . I spent all Valentines Day on my own until 8 0 clock that evening, was cool with this but would have liked a bit of fuss that evening. He arrives in with flowers (which died a couple of days later) and box of chocolates. Anyways he turns and says sorry about the flowers, besides a decent bunch would have cost me €40 or €50(He'd just been paid). I was kind of shocked by this comment to be honest, as far as I know that's not something you say to your gf on Valentines Day. I am not materialistic and if he bought me something for €5 that was thoughtful I would be happy. Put it this way i'd €45 to my name and spent most of it on his present. He was with another girl for a year and was attending a family members wedding with her. She'd no money. He bought her a dress for €300 and gave her €180 to get her hair done. When we first started going out a female friend of his needed to buy a pressie for her bf's 21st, he lent her €500, she only gave him back €300. I was his gf for over 2 years and he thinks bad of spending €50 on a bunch of flowers, don't get me wrong he is usually generous but this just got to me. Before people start saying you're not together anymore why does it matter, I guess I want to know if i'm being selfish or was he an asshole to me. Its not about the money before people call me materialistic or superficial. Any advice, comments welcome.

Cheap Thrills!

Sounds like a generous fella.

Possibly he was having doubts and didn't want to lead you on by giving you as generous a pressie as usual..

He may have not wanted to break up with you on Valentines (it would be seen as 'bad form') so left it till a week or two later. So he was obliged to come up with a gift but couldn't be too generous either.....iykwim.

kayos

Did he act like the ideal bf? Na he didnt have to say sorry about the flowers but decent ones where too pricey.

Is he better off without you? From reading your post yes.

You say its not about the money but go on to compare money spent with a previous partner vs you.
You say its not about money but bring up the fact he gave a loan to someone.
Both the above points were before the recession really hit in. Even if you have a job these days money is tight and people are finally copping on to saving money and not splashing it around.

You say its not about the money but compare the money values of your Vs his gifts.

You say its not about material goods yet point out the flowers died. That to me reads like they are not a lasting gift. News Flash no fresh flowers last and if men got you the ever lasting kinda of flowers you would be even less than impressed.

Give you an example of how our valentines went in terms of money as that is all you seem to have posted about.

Cards: 0
Presents: 0
Red Rose: 0
Dinner: €21 (best value five course meal with wine ever)
And to follow that with the credit card line...
Getting to spent time with the one you love on valentines day? Priceless.

LegacyUser

kayos wrote: »

Did he act like the ideal bf? Na he didnt have to say sorry about the flowers but decent ones where too pricey.

Is he better off without you? From reading your post yes.

You say its not about the money but go on to compare money spent with a previous partner vs you.
You say its not about money but bring up the fact he gave a loan to someone.
Both the above points were before the recession really hit in. Even if you have a job these days money is tight and people are finally copping on to saving money and not splashing it around.

You say its not about the money but compare the money values of your Vs his gifts.

You say its not about material goods yet point out the flowers died. That to me reads like they are not a lasting gift. News Flash no fresh flowers last and if men got you the ever lasting kinda of flowers you would be even less than impressed.

Give you an example of how our valentines went in terms of money as that is all you seem to have posted about.

Cards: 0
Presents: 0
Red Rose: 0
Dinner: €21 (best value five course meal with wine ever)
And to follow that with the credit card line...
Getting to spent time with the one you love on valentines day? Priceless.

Eh sorry, you reckon he's better off without me. I spent the last of my money on him, left myself with a tenner in my purse because I wanted to get him something nice. As for your dinner for €21 if you bothered reading my post properly you would see that I would have been happier with something like this, it would be something nice the two of us can do together something "thoughtful" as i've already said. But you'd rather jump down peoples throats. "News flash", flowers can last up to well over a week.

Ickle Magoo

OP, I just read the thread title question and skim read your post. All I see is money figures jumping out of every line so I'd have to say yes, you are.

shqipshume

I would say yes you are been selfish,none of us like to think our bf husbands are watching out for others more than you.But he wasnt if he had been previously generous as you say to you.
Kind of makes you feel a little left out?
I dont mean money wise just in the thought i get what you are saying.
I would go with he bought you something more than alot of women can say,and perhaps he was considering the split already but didnt want to hurt you by doing on valentines day.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

OP, I just read the thread title question and skim read your post. All I see is money figures jumping out of every line so I'd have to say yes, you are.

Then maybe you need to actually read the post.

partyguinness

OP....

What did you get him for Valentine's Day?

How much did you spend on him?

What effort did you make?

cafecolour

I second cheap thrills assessment - he probably knew he was going to break up with you by then and so wasn't gonna go all out.

But I'd say he's more of an a**hole for dumping you by text after 2 years than the skimping on flowers.

LegacyUser

partyguinness wrote: »

OP....

What did you get him for Valentine's Day?

How much did you spend on him?

What effort did you make?

I made the effort of getting dressed up, I bought him a nice pressie and had beers in the fridge for him for when he got home.

Its not about how much, its the fact he made that comment if he had of just said I got you flowers I would have been delighted, but its the fact he thought they looked **** but didn't fancy getting me a nice bunch coz they cost x y z , that's like the opposite of being thoughtful.

partyguinness

OP...you do come across as materialistic and childish and petty. You equate the amount of money spent on you with his feelings for you.

You seem more upset at the lack of money spent on you than being dumped after 2 yrs by text...

Sounds like you were keeping a little note book on his previous expenditures...

Did he not buy you expensive gifts over the 2 year period?

In fact my girlfriend has me under strict instructions not to buy her flowers as she sees them as a waste of money that will only get thrown out after a few days. She would much prefer a nice thoughtful present.

Ickle Magoo

Selfish wrote: »

Then maybe you need to actually read the post.

The guy broke up with you and all you are doing is scrutinising how much he spent on you Vs what he did on another girl?! What's the point? You are no longer together, presumably he didn't wake up the day he sent the text to you to end things out of the blue - perhaps his valentines present & how off-hand he was with the reasons for his choice reflected how he was feeling about your relationship?

It's never nice when a relationship ends but I don't understand why you are concentrating on a bunch of flowers not being big enough or not living long enough, or what he's gotten past gf's?.

He ended your relationship by text - that's what I'd be focussing on & getting angry about, whether he got what flowers or gifts in the past would be neither here nor there! :mad:

partyguinness

Selfish?..........No

Petty?...........Yes

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

The guy broke up with you and all you are doing is scrutinising how much he spent on you Vs what he did on another girl?! What's the point? You are no longer together, presumably he didn't wake up the day he sent the text to you to end things out of the blue - perhaps his valentines present & how off-hand he was with the reasons for his choice reflected how he was feeling about your relationship?

It's never nice when a relationship ends but I don't understand why you are concentrating on a bunch of flowers not being big enough or not living long enough, or what he's gotten past gf's?.

He ended your relationship by text - that's what I'd be focussing on & getting angry about, whether he got what flowers or gifts in the past would be neither here nor there! :mad:

I am angry about it which is why I posted i'm trying to weigh up exactly how much of a p**k he is so I can keep reminding myself i'm better of without him.

Yes you do seem quite materialistic and obsessed with money. You're being very defensive but in fairness you have quoted so many figures. How do you even know that stuff in such detail? It's not really normal to know that you ex once spent 300 quid on a dress or 180 for a girl to get her hair done. I haven't a clue how much my boyfriend has spent or spends on other people. I don't care.

That said, I think it was pretty sh*tty of your ex to make that comment about a decent bunch costing 40 or 50 quid. You're right, that's not what you say on Valentine's Day. It's rude and thoughtless - or perhaps, given that he dumped you shortly after, a not-so-subtle way of saying he didn't care about you/you weren't worth spending 50 quid on. I would be very annoyed if someone said that to me. Why say anything? I agree that a thoughtful little gift is worth much more than an old bunch of flowers he picked up at a petrol station. You do seem materialistic but I think you're right in this instance.

BaZmO*

What difference does it make if he was being selfish or if you're being selfish? You are no longer together. Move on and stop dwelling on the past, it'll do you no good to pick apart the pieces of a failed relationship.

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];64718295]Yes you do seem quite materialistic and obsessed with money. You're being very defensive but in fairness you have quoted so many figures. How do you even know that stuff in such detail? It's not really normal to know that you ex once spent 300 quid on a dress or 180 for a girl to get her hair done. I haven't a clue how much my boyfriend has spent or spends on other people. I don't care.

That said, I think it was pretty sh*tty of your ex to make that comment about a decent bunch costing 40 or 50 quid. You're right, that's not what you say on Valentine's Day. It's rude and thoughtless - or perhaps, given that he dumped you shortly after, a not-so-subtle way of saying he didn't care about you/you weren't worth spending 50 quid on. I would be very annoyed if someone said that to me. Why say anything? I agree that a thoughtful little gift is worth much more than an old bunch of flowers he picked up at a petrol station. You do seem materialistic but I think you're right in this instance.[/QUOTE]

I only know these things because he told me, maybe I should have mentioned that the ex in question used to have a key to his house when were first together and he used to pay her to come up and clean it, he hugged the face off her one night when we met her down town (cue 5 minutes before hand and he'd been giving me **** for talking to some fella). He stopped her coming up and cleaning the house, out of respect for me so he says. Then we broke up once and he was straight down to her and had her up cleaning his house. The friend in question was a complete bitch to me, he used to spend a lot of time with her, she'd call up to his house and cook him dinner, he once blew off plans with me and went and met her for a drink.

newmember2

OP, it's natural that you resent your ex - he broke up with you, but looking for faults in how he treated you isn't helping you move on. Concentrate on yourself and try and get support from friends and family to get you through this difficult time.

You are also entitled to an explanation from your ex as to the reason for the break-up. I find it slightly incredible that he ended a two year relationship with you by text.

LegacyUser

newmember? wrote: »

OP, it's natural that you resent your ex - he broke up with you, but looking for faults in how he treated you isn't helping you move on. Concentrate on yourself and try and get support from friends and family to get you through this difficult time.

You are also entitled to an explanation from your ex as to the reason for the break-up. I find it slightly incredible that he ended a two year relationship with you by text.[/QUOTE]

We have one Sunday a fortnight we're neither of us have work or commitments. We had made plans a couple of weeks ago and he completely f***d them up he went with a friend instead, all the time I was busting my ass to get home so we could go where we were going and he never so much said oh im going with such and such. Cue next day and I decided to be bigger person and talk to him, only discover he'd been sitting in the pub for 2 hours after work and hadn't even given me a second thought. Obviously I got thick with him, and he text me "Things havent' been going well, time we went our separate ways". What can I say he's an incredible kind of guy.

aidan24326

A guy that ditches you by text after 2 years is an arsehole regardless of flowers or money he spent or any of that nonsense. You are right to feel pissed off but all this resentment won't get you anywhere. By the sounds of it you're better off without him so put away the voodoo doll or the resentment and bitterness will eat you up.

partyguinness

Selfish wrote: »

I made the effort of getting dressed up, I bought him a nice pressie and had beers in the fridge for him for when he got home.

Its not about how much, its the fact he made that comment if he had of just said I got you flowers I would have been delighted, but its the fact he thought they looked **** but didn't fancy getting me a nice bunch coz they cost x y z , that's like the opposite of being thoughtful.

The opposite of being thoughtful is if had got you nothing at all!

If it is not about how much he spent then why have you gone to great effort to tell us about how much he spent with other exs?

Yes it was a ****ty comment but I think myself others here find it slightly strange that you are focusing on this...and TBH he prob didnt want to spend €50 because he knew he was going to break it off and didnt see the point.

Perhaps now on reflection, you feel that he didnt respect you or make the same effort? Maybe he didnt and you feel hard done by and that is the prob now.

kayos

Selfish wrote: »

Eh sorry, you reckon he's better off without me. I spent the last of my money on him, left myself with a tenner in my purse because I wanted to get him something nice.

Yes I do, because all I am seeing in your OP is money, money, money.
So in reply to me saying you were all about the money you do what exactly? Bring up money again and the poor you for only having a €10 left in your purse.

I want to get my Mrs a diamond necklace and braclet to match her engagement ring. She knows this and she knows I'm not fool enough to go out and buy it when I dont have the cash to spare.

Something nice for valentines could be as simple as running a bath for the two of you with a few candles, easy music and a bottle of wine while you relax and just take time to be with each other. Doing something nice for your partner does not mean spending money on a gift.

Selfish wrote: »

As for your dinner for €21 if you bothered reading my post properly you would see that I would have been happier with something like this, it would be something nice the two of us can do together something "thoughtful" as i've already said.

I did read your post properly thank you. You never mentioned doing something together you just said

Selfish wrote:

I am not materialistic and if he bought me something for €5 that was thoughtful I would be happy.

Thats not saying you wanted him to do something with you it says you wanted him to buy something for you. You also said you wanted a bit of a fuss made that night.

I would have assumed you guys would have gone for dinner or cooked up something nice and special at home. But assumption is the mother of all fup ups so I could be wrong.

Selfish wrote: »

But you'd rather jump down peoples throats.

:rolleyes:

Selfish wrote: »

"News flash", flowers can last up to well over a week.

Oh I know but they do die. It all depends on how you take care of them. Were they in water? Did you cut enough of the ends off before putting them in water? How hot was the room they were kept in? I've seen cheap flowers last over a week and expensive ones look like they were a week old after a couple of days.

Just to clarify did the valentines day problem you have posted about here have anything to do with the break-up?

Reading some of your newer replies I'll update the opinion expressed in my first post. You are both better off without each other (going on whats said in this thread)

LegacyUser

kayos wrote: »

Yes I do, because all I am seeing in your OP is money, money, money.
So in reply to me saying you were all about the money you do what exactly? Bring up money again and the poor you for only having a €10 left in your purse.

I want to get my Mrs a diamond necklace and braclet to match her engagement ring. She knows this and she knows I'm not fool enough to go out and buy it when I dont have the cash to spare.

Something nice for valentines could be as simple as running a bath for the two of you with a few candles, easy music and a bottle of wine while you relax and just take time to be with each other. Doing something nice for your partner does not mean spending money on a gift.

.
I did read your post properly thank you. You never mentioned doing something together you just said


Thats not saying you wanted him to do something with you it says you wanted him to buy something for you. You also said you wanted a bit of a fuss made that night.

I would have assumed you guys would have gone for dinner or cooked up something nice and special at home. But assumption is the mother of all fup ups so I could be wrong. So answer these questions (although its pointless as you guys are over)

What did you expect from him in terms of making a fuss and what did he do? What did you do to make a bit of a fuss that evening?




:rolleyes:



Oh I know but they do die. It all depends on how you take care of them. Were they in water? Did you cut enough of the ends off before putting them in water? How hot was the room they were kept in? I've seen cheap flowers last over a week and expensive ones look like they were a week old after a couple of days.

Just to clarify did the valentines day problem you have posted about here have anything to do with the break-up?

Again, you've missed my point. I've answered your questions in previous posts, no need for me to type them again

kayos

Selfish wrote: »

Again, you've missed my point. I've answered your questions in previous posts, no need for me to type them again

Its called a delay in me reading hitting reply and then you having posted again. My bad for being so slow at typing and also the fact that unreg'd posts do not instantly show up as they need to be approved by a mod (afaik). You might notice I did edit my post to take into account you had said that you got dressed up to make a fuss of the night by editting out those questions.

But you are missing my point your topic is are you being selfious and all your first post and some others do is talk about money.

His actions were not good. Your attitude and equating money spent on you to feelings for you are equally not good.

JonathanAnon

The guy sounds very generous imo. Maybe he had a lot of money a few years ago, and is not so affluent now. This is the case for many people. To compare what he bought for other people at different times is just petty and childish.

As was said above, he may have been unsure about the relationship, and valentine's day is very awkward to deal with if you are in this frame of mind.

LegacyUser

kayos wrote: »

Its called a delay in me reading hitting reply and then you having posted again. My bad for being so slow at typing and also the fact that unreg'd posts do not instantly show up as they need to be approved by a mod (afaik). You might notice I did edit my post to take into account you had said that you got dressed up to make a fuss of the night by editting out those questions.

But you are missing my point your topic is are you being selfious and all your first post and some others do is talk about money.

His actions were not good. Your attitude and equating money spent on you to feelings for you are equally not good.

This is the last time i'm going to say this it's not about the money it's about his attitude and how he'd rather buy me a crappy bunch of flowers and basically say here's a crappy bunch of flowers sorry but a decent bunch would have cost x y and z. Why not just give me the chocolates and not say anything about how he didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would have been none the wiser. Similarly if he had arrived with nothing and just said, lets get a dvd or go cinema or snuggle up with a bottle of wine I would have been happy. Its the fact that he went all out with these women but couldn't be a****d making any sort of effort with me.

Cheap Thrills!

Selfish wrote: »

This is the last time i'm going to say this it's not about the money it's about his attitude and how he'd rather buy me a crappy bunch of flowers and basically say here's a crappy bunch of flowers sorry but a decent bunch would have cost x y and z. Why not just give me the chocolates and not say anything about how he didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would have been none the wiser. Similarly if he had arrived with nothing and just said, lets get a dvd or go cinema or snuggle up with a bottle of wine I would have been happy. Its the fact that he went all out with these women but couldn't be a****d making any sort of effort with me.

OP, I think the whole point of his pressie being less generous to you is that he was probably not planning to stay with you.....he broke it off last week, valentines was a couple of weeks before that.

He was probably planning/contemplating the break up for a while, hence the less expensive/thoughtful pressie.

Perhaps he was afraid he would have been called a ba$tard if he had broken up with you in Valentines week so he had to give some sort of gesture, put his head down and get through it. Reading between the lines the writing was on the wall right there looking at the pattern of his previous behavior.

partyguinness

Selfish wrote: »

This is the last time i'm going to say this it's not about the money it's about his attitude and how he'd rather buy me a crappy bunch of flowers and basically say here's a crappy bunch of flowers sorry but a decent bunch would have cost x y and z. Why not just give me the chocolates and not say anything about how he didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would have been none the wiser. Similarly if he had arrived with nothing and just said, lets get a dvd or go cinema or snuggle up with a bottle of wine I would have been happy. Its the fact that he went all out with these women but couldn't be a****d making any sort of effort with me.

....because he spent far more money on them than on me therefore his efforts were not good enough."

I asked this earlier on but it wasnt answered. Leaving Valentine's Day aside, was he generous with presents etc during the last 2 years?

LegacyUser

partyguinness wrote: »

[/B]


....because he spent far more money on them than on me therefore his efforts were not good enough."

I asked this earlier on but it wasnt answered. Leaving Valentine's Day aside, was he generous with presents etc during the last 2 years?

You seem to have all the answers partyguinness, so what are you asking me for.

partyguinness

Selfish wrote: »

You seem to have all the answers partyguinness, so what are you asking me for.

With that attitude, no wonder he dumped you...:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

partyguinness wrote: »

With that attitude, no wonder he dumped you...:rolleyes:

Is this your idea of helpful advice?

6th

Cop on people. If you have an issue with a post the use the report post function. Any more unhelpful or off topic posting will earn a weeks ban.

partyguinness

Selfish wrote: »

Is this your idea of helpful advice?

You are not looking for advice.

You just want posters to agree with you and say that your ex was a tight ass miserable pig..and it's prefectly ok to get arsey about the amount of money he spent on you but at the same time "It's not about the money" blah blah

You asked whether or not we think you are selfish...IMO...you are not selfish. Your posts come across as petty and immature.

LegacyUser

I think most people here are being a bit hard on you. Its very obvious you are upset you don't need to be attacked.

I think that was a very selfish thing he did. He didn't have to state the price of the flowers and say he couldn't be bothered spending 50 on a nice bunch.

He obviously didn't go to any bother as you can get a lovely bunch in tesco for a fiver if money was the issue.

Move on from him you deserve better.

Chin up
x

santana75

Op from reading your posts you sound like one very angry Girl. I think you should forget about boards and talk to a psychotherapist, work on that anger.

Soul Cake Duck

Jaysus!

In reference to the flowers comment that he made I would have to agree with some of the other posters. Peoples behavior usually gives clues and signals of our inner intentions..I think it was a signal/sign (conscious or unconsciously from him) of his lack of commitment to the relationship... a behavioral sign of his doubts or thought of finishing it

I personally feel that getting angry and building up hate for an ex can sometimes be part of the healing process for some people...a coping mechanism for the actually pain/loss..(sometimes saving them from attacking themselves and thinkin whats wrong with me etc). I don't personally think its a bad thing as long as its kept personal and within circle of friends (nothing vindictive etc). Also I think once you deal with the initial break up and the thoughts/emotions/pain that comes with that it is important to reflect on the good times ye shared, learning form the experience every relationship brings with it, good or bad...basically letting go of any contempt that you feel or wrong done by as you'll be less likely to bring this baggage with you into your next adventure!!

LegacyUser

Selfish guest ignore some of them they don't know how to hold a conversation and attacking you.I know where you are coming from you aren't at all a bad person for wanting you bf to make you feel a little more special than other people.And you are feeling now with the separation you are feeling more upset. You feel let down and kind of not as important as other people to him.Kind of like there is a price on way he treats you to others. Men are very selfish and do not read into these things.They see their word as gospel but if shoe on other foot they would tell you.
Its called still no equal rights even though they like to pretend. I would say now its over just try and heal and feel better about yourself it wasn't he didn't hold you in higher regard just possible he didn't feel like he had to work at it with you and other people where more forceful than you are.
You are not materialistic your just human.

LegacyUser

santana75 wrote: »

Op from reading your posts you sound like one very angry Girl. I think you should forget about boards and talk to a psychotherapist, work on that anger.

Santana, a bit melodramatic don't you think, most people feel angry after a relationship ends badly, i'd be more inclined to see a psychotherapist if I was perfectly happy about the situation.

newmember2

From what you say about how it ended and from his offensive remark about the flowers, he doesn't sound like a very nice guy. How did this relationship last two years? How did he treat you the last two years?

jenga-jen

Selfish, it sounds like the guy was already thinking about breaking up with you. The comment about the flowers might have been to draw your attention to the fact he'd made a conscious decision to buy you a cheaper bunch of flowers.

Maybe he wanted a row so he'd have an excuse to dump you. Maybe he just thinks, like a lot of men and women, that Valentines day is complete horse sh1t and didn't feel like spending the money on it but felt that you were expecting it.

Either way, if you need to find excuses to be angry with him I'm sure there are lots after 2 years if you pick over it. The dumping by text would be a great place to start.

However, your OP and subsequent posts seem to convey that you are focused on the money and seem intent on disagreeing with everyone who has replied.

Your ex could've won the lotto previously and bought an ex gf a house and with the money almost gone had only enough for a car for you. Would you have stropped then?

Assuming that he didn't plan on breaking up with you at this point, at least he got you something and came over to spend time with you. It's only YOUR expectations and a (probably) throwaway comment he made about, lets face it, overpriced valentines day flowers that had a negative impact on your evening

Accept that you're both better off without each other, get angry about it and then move on. Dwelling on it helps nobody.

LegacyUser

newmember? wrote: »

From what you say about how it ended and from his offensive remark about the flowers, he doesn't sound like a very nice guy. How did this relationship last two years? How did he treat you the last two years?

Hi Newmember,

He could be the most loving caring sweet guy in the world, then if we had an argument he could be a downright bastard. Like I said at the start of our relationship the friend in question was there more than I was comfortable with. I never really put that behind me because he could never just say i'm sorry I was wrong, you didn't deserve that. When I brought it up a few months back he actually said "Are you jealous". He has complete double standards in that he is highly unimpressed if I talk to a fella when we're out yet he got a text the night of his bday from a girl he used to live with saying "Hi, Happy Bday, should be travelling to Ireland soon (she lives abroad now) xxx". I brought it up with him and he was like oh would you at least give me a break on my bday. He was all for us moving in together and kept going on about how i'm not commited yada yada yada and I tried to explain to him that he spent too much time in the pub and I wouldn't be considering it until he changed and he wouldn't even take it on board, yet i'm the worst in the world because I won't move in with him and this would ease his financial woes. The only debt he has is his mortgage and he has lodgers, he has no financial woes he's just bad with money. It's a bit of a Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde situation.

shellyboo

Selfish wrote: »

Hi Newmember,

He could be the most loving caring sweet guy in the world, then if we had an argument he could be a downright bastard. Like I said at the start of our relationship the friend in question was there more than I was comfortable with. I never really put that behind me because he could never just say i'm sorry I was wrong, you didn't deserve that. When I brought it up a few months back he actually said "Are you jealous". He has complete double standards in that he is highly unimpressed if I talk to a fella when we're out yet he got a text the night of his bday from a girl he used to live with saying "Hi, Happy Bday, should be travelling to Ireland soon (she lives abroad now) xxx". I brought it up with him and he was like oh would you at least give me a break on my bday. He was all for us moving in together and kept going on about how i'm not commited yada yada yada and I tried to explain to him that he spent too much time in the pub and I wouldn't be considering it until he changed and he wouldn't even take it on board, yet i'm the worst in the world because I won't move in with him and this would ease his financial woes. The only debt he has is his mortgage and he has lodgers, he has no financial woes he's just bad with money. It's a bit of a Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde situation.

You gave out to him because he *received* a text on his birthday? How could he have stopped that even if he wanted to? That's ridiculous.

Sounds like you both have a bit of growing up to do, OP, you and your ex both. HE wasn't very nice to you, but I'm sure you weren't perfect either. Leave it at that and put it behind you - trying to make out like it's all his fault isn't really going to do you any good. You need to identify where you went wrong in the relationship and make sure you don't make those mistakes again, because the only person you can control is yourself.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

You gave out to him because he *received* a text on his birthday? How could he have stopped that even if he wanted to? That's ridiculous.

Sounds like you both have a bit of growing up to do, OP, you and your ex both. HE wasn't very nice to you, but I'm sure you weren't perfect either. Leave it at that and put it behind you - trying to make out like it's all his fault isn't really going to do you any good. You need to identify where you went wrong in the relationship and make sure you don't make those mistakes again, because the only person you can control is yourself.

Sorry where did I say I gave out to him, I said I brought it up i.e asked him who she was etc?

Miss Fluff

Selfish wrote: »

This is the last time i'm going to say this it's not about the money it's about his attitude and how he'd rather buy me a crappy bunch of flowers and basically say here's a crappy bunch of flowers sorry but a decent bunch would have cost x y and z. Why not just give me the chocolates and not say anything about how he didn't want to spend a lot of money, I would have been none the wiser. Similarly if he had arrived with nothing and just said, lets get a dvd or go cinema or snuggle up with a bottle of wine I would have been happy. Its the fact that he went all out with these women but couldn't be a****d making any sort of effort with me.

You seem to be completely missing the point here OP. I'd go as far as to say you would have a much bigger PI on your hands had your ex spent a ridiculous sum of money on a showy and ostentatious bunch of flowers and THEN dumped you. That would have been completely hypocritical. He obviously didn't want to act like a rat and dump you on Valentine's Day and he was in an awkward position of knowing he had to get you something but nothing OTT when he knew himself that you weren't going to be together much longer. If you think about it he did the decent think imho.

I think this is about way more than a bunch of flowers. You are obviously hurt and angry that he broke up with you and you are using the flowers as a means of venting, which is fair enough. Good to get it out of your system but don't deem him to be a b@stard because he's not a hypocrite.

shellyboo

Selfish wrote: »

Sorry where did I say I gave out to him, I said I brought it up i.e asked him who she was etc?

On his birthday? Who cares, like. She text him a happy birthday and you started questioning him about it? I'd have been plssed off too.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

On his birthday? Who cares, like. She text him a happy birthday and you started questioning him about it? I'd have been plssed off too.

Put it this way I spoke to a guy who i'd known for 20 years in the pub one day and he started giving him filthy looks and asking me if I'd be happier with him, so yeah maybe I do have a problem with some girl texting him kissy messages and saying I'll be travelling to Ireland soon, would be great to see you. Why should I be happy about that when if it was me there'd be murder.

Orla K

OP, maybe I'm wrong here but you seemed to come to this with a píssed off attitude, which is understandable but you seem to be taking it out on other posters who in turn are getting defensive/agressive.

Try to take a step back from the thread a bit.

I don't know what else to say because anything I can think off has been said and you weren't happy with them.

LegacyUser

Orla K wrote: »

OP, maybe I'm wrong here but you seemed to come to this with a píssed off attitude, which is understandable but you seem to be taking it out on other posters who in turn are getting defensive/agressive.

Try to take a step back from the thread a bit.

I don't know what else to say because anything I can think off has been said and you weren't happy with them.

Sorry if it comes accross that way but a lot of people are reading my posts out of context and some people have left some downright nasty remarks.

Orla K

selfish wrote: »

Sorry if it comes accross that way but a lot of people are reading my posts out of context and some people have left some downright nasty remarks.

I just think you should just relax a bit, you should be píssed off but not at people here. To me it just seemed like they said something which was fair you got annoyed and it escalated.

What I do think you should do is meet up with some friends and bítch about him because your friends will be on your side and make you feel better.

LegacyUser

Orla K wrote: »

I just think you should just relax a bit, you should be píssed off but not at people here. To me it just seemed like they said something which was fair you got annoyed and it escalated.

What I do think you should do is meet up with some friends and bítch about him because your friends will be on your side and make you feel better.

Most of my friends have emigrated, the last one to leave went the same week he broke up with me, go figure.

Orla K

selfish wrote: »

Most of my friends have emigrated, the last one to leave went the same week he broke up with me, go figure.

You say most so that means that you still have some friends hanging around, just give them a call and see can you meet up.