Old fashioned Girl Vs Career-Minded.

ronaldoshaky

Is it chauvinistic to want a woman to stay at home and raise the children? I had an argument with my friend the other day, when I said to her that I would prefer to go out with a girl who wanted to be a home maker, as opposed to a girl who was a higher professional.

Would you prefer a woman to stay at home or not? Do you think its good/bad if a woman works instead of raising the children? And would you prefer to go out with a girl who doesnt have a degree, or does have a degree?

(Post script: I know the questions sound a bit simplistic)

krudler

I dont think its overly chauvinistic,a lot of women would probably tell you they have an idea of what they want from their future husband, dont see why men cant have the same. I dont think its purely a womans job to raise kids and look after a household but everyone sees what a marriage entails differntly, some women would have no issue being a housewife, others would rather be a career girl and mother at the same time, perfectly doable.

Herbal Deity

I don't think I could be with a girl who didn't have a degree or who didn't have high ambition towards something other than simply settling down, starting a family and being a housewife.

But that's just me, nothing wrong or chauvanistic with wanting something different.

Expecting all women to wish to be housewives would be chauvanistic.

amacachi

I'd like to homeschool my kids if I ever had some, so I'd hope the mother of them would be willing to earn some money. :pac:

Emme

Most couples nowadays need two incomes to survive. Even if they don't if one loses his or her job then it's good if the other has some qualification which will ensure that some money is still coming in.

I think that many women would choose to work part time or look after their children full time when they're babies up to primary school age, but they can't afford it.

I think that every woman should have the ability to earn a living, whether that involves getting a degree or not. If she does choose to work in the home and her partner can afford it, what happens if her partner dies suddenly or the relationship breaks up? It is better that she is able to earn her own living.

L31mr0d

Personally, when I do have kids, it will be whatever my OH wants. If she wants to continue working I'll stay at home with the kids, or vice versa. In fact, I'm not really career driven and prefer to alternate between jobs every few years to try something different. If I had a kid I'd probably alternate every year or two with my wife regarding work. Where she could look after the child for a few years, then I'd go on hiatus and she would work.

You never know though, these sort of things will get worked out when a child is on the horizon. I know a couple of friends that fully expected the woman would stay at home, and the man would continue working, but then she got pregnant while she was in her dream job, so her husband quit his job and is now looking after their child full time.

Do I want to know what a gorgon is?

OP what is the reasoning behind your preferance?

Nevyn

Gorgon in Greek mythology, the Gorgon (plural: Gorgons) (Greek: Γοργών or Γοργώ Gorgon/Gorgo) was a terrifying female creature. It derives from the Greek word gorgós, which means "dreadful."

Which really sets the tone and announces the bias of the thread right from the start.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Don't really know why but I think I'd prefer a girl who was a career gorgon. When I have kids I'd like to at least consider being the house husband, certainly wouldn't want to be ruled out of that role anyhow.

Which really sets the tone and announces the bias of the thread right from the start.

Should have kept quiet, I didn't know the roots of the word and I'd best most other readers didn't either.

Nevyn

Most people would know of Medusa who was a gorgon, well was turned into a gorgon by the godess Athena to revenge herself on her rapist. The OP knows what a gorgon is and choose to use the term deliberately.

ronaldoshaky if you wish for your wife to be a stay at home parent what to you see as your role as the husband and father?

Zulu

I'd imagine it's only chauvinistic if you either want her to stay at home, because:

a) you feel it's beneth you, but suitable for her (&/or)
b) you feel all women should do the same.

Other than that the potential exists that it could just be a personal preference, which you're fully entitled to!

Emme

Thaedydal wrote: »

Most people would know of Medusa who was a gorgon, well was turned into a gorgon by the godess Athena to revenge herself on her rapist. The OP knows what a gorgon is and choose to use the term deliberately.

ronaldoshaky if you wish for your wife to be a stay at home parent what to you see as your role as the husband and father?

Here's a Wikipedia link to Medusa:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medusa

There's some interesting views on Medusa and feminism there:

In the 20th century, feminists reassessed Medusa's appearances in literature and in modern culture, including the use of Medusa as a logo by fashion company Versace.[10][11][12] The name "Medusa" itself is often used in ways not directly connected to the mythological figure but to suggest the gorgon's abilities or to connote malevolence; despite her origins as a beauty, the name in common usage "came to mean monster."[13] The book Female Rage: Unlocking Its Secrets, Claiming Its Power by Mary Valentis and Anne Devane notes that "When we asked women what female rage looks like to them, it was always Medusa, the snaky-haired monster of myth, who came to mind ... In one interview after another we were told that Medusa is 'the most horrific woman in the world' ... [though] none of the women we interviewed could remember the details of the myth."[14]
Medusa's visage has since been adopted by many women as a symbol of female rage; one of the first publications to express this idea was a 1978 issue of Women: A Journal of Liberation. The cover featured the image of a gorgon, which the editors explained "can be a map to guide us through our terrors, through the depths of our anger into the sources of our power as women."[14] In a 1986 article for Women of Power magazine called "Ancient Gorgons: A Face for Contemporary Women's Rage," Emily Erwin Culpepper wrote that "The Amazon Gorgon face is female fury personified. The Gorgon/Medusa image has been rapidly adopted by large numbers of feminists who recognize her as one face of our own rage."[14]

Zulu

Interesting stuff...

WindSock

Zulu wrote: »

a) you feel it's beneth you, but suitable for her (&/or)

Absolutely. I have no problem with the idea of having a stay at home parent at all, but it should be a mutual decision and not just a general attitude that 'It's the womans job, as there is no way I would ever do it'

It's attitudes like that that discourage men from taking those roles and women from trying to advance in their careers as Gorgons.

Nevyn

Emme wrote: »

Here's a Wikipedia link to Medusa:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medusa

There's some interesting views on Medusa and feminism there:

But yet in the region Medusa was said to be from the gorgon's head is a symbol of protection, esp of home and of women, as Medusa killed those who raided the village and appears on coins and buildings.

krudler

Thaedydal wrote: »

But yet in the region Medusa was said to be from the gorgon's head is a symbol of protection, esp of home and of women, as Medusa killed those who raided the village and appears on coins and buildings.

you learn something new every time you visit boards

astarte

I think it is wonderful for kids if they have a stay at home parent, that doesn't necessarily need to be the mother. I also know that while it sounds wonderful, some men have real issues in being the staying at home parent, in terms of feeling emasculated and having their traditional role of protector/provider taken away (however voluntarily)

The big issue for the stay at home parent is as Emme said above, what if the relationship breaks down, how does s/he provide for herself, should s/he expect her ex to support her as well as the kids? If s/he needs to return to the workforce, that will be nigh on impossible to return to any decent level after a hiatus of 10 years or more.

the other question of the woman having a degree, etc..that is intriguing. I am curious to know if men do feel threatened if their partner has a higher educational level and or intelligence..

I read some research some time ago to indicate that women who marry men who are more intelligent, increase their IQ and women who marry less intelligent men, loose IQ points...odd but apparently true.

Stheno

astarte wrote: »

the other question of the woman having a degree, etc..that is intriguing. I am curious to know if men do feel threatened if their partner has a higher educational level and or intelligence..

.

A Swedish study last year found that men who married intelligent women, lived longer than men who married less intelligent women.

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/lifestyle/10/08/09/want-live-longer-marry-smart-woman

Otis Driftwood

*But there are no unattractive women in Sweden so of course you want to live longer.

On the whole stay at home parent thing and the OPs unfortunate description neither bothers me either way.Ive dated very successful career women and Ive dated women that would be more than happy to stay at home with a couple of nippers.I would have no problem whatsoever staying at home and bringing up the kids if it were economically viable.Seriously like,it would be foolish to think other wise.

I can sort of see where some blokes may feel immasulated if they did this but Id like to think they are in the minority.

I come from a family very much of the old fashioned notion that the womans place is in the home and as a result Ive pulled away from this ideal as much as I can because its frankly a load of bollocks.

Im starting to ramble now so will stop but just to answer the OPs question of old fashioned girl VS career woman,it doesnt matter,if I love her and she loves me,what possible difference could it make?

*May be not scientifically accurate

donfers

I'm confused...

Is this a thread about Greek mythology or about how the word gorgon has "set the tone" (I didn't even know what it meant until someone provided a definition so the only tone it was setting for me was "How dumb are you?")

OR

Is this a thread about if a man would prefer a stay-at-home partner or careerist?

I think there are advantages to both really and as long as it's a kind-hearted lass who's not bad to look at I'm not too bothered.

What interests me is how this thread gets hijacked by certain elements to promote their own agenda

I know that on other forums the stock response when this happens is

"well...this is a xxxxx forum and we want to discuss things from an xxxxxx perspective"

Again I don't mind the hijacking here but if we are going to debate how certain words can linguistically oppress genders or "set a tone" then are we allowed to do that here? or is this a thread for men about if men prefer a stay-at-home partner or a careerist? I'm a bit confused

Stheno

donfers wrote: »

or is this a thread for men about if men prefer a stay-at-home partner or a careerist? I'm a bit confused

there's a big difference between referring to someone as a "careerist" and a career-gorgon in all fairness.

I suspect if the title of the thread, said "old fashioned girl vs careerist" the reaction would not have been as it was.

Personally I find the term career gorgon offensive, but have no problem with careerist/woman focussed on her career etc.

Zulu

donfers wrote: »

What interests me is how this thread gets hijacked by certain elements to promote their own agenda

I know that on other forums the stock response when this happens is

"well...this is a xxxxx forum and we want to discuss things from an xxxxxx perspective"
...

I thought the same thing, but, frankly, was afraid to mention it figuring it would only make things worse.

Otis Driftwood

The term referring to a female as a gorgon just because she wants to go out and have a decent career is derogatory.

You obviously have an issue with the moderation of tLL but this isnt tLL.

WindSock

donfers wrote: »

I'm confused...

Is this a thread about Greek mythology or about how the word gorgon has "set the tone" (I didn't even know what it meant until someone provided a definition so the only tone it was setting for me was "How dumb are you?")

OR

Is this a thread about if a man would prefer a stay-at-home partner or careerist?

I think there are advantages to both really and as long as it's a kind-hearted lass who's not bad to look at I'm not too bothered.

What interests me is how this thread gets hijacked by certain elements to promote their own agenda

I know that on other forums the stock response when this happens is

"well...this is a xxxxx forum and we want to discuss things from an xxxxxx perspective"

Again I don't mind the hijacking here but if we are going to debate how certain words can linguistically oppress genders or "set a tone" then are we allowed to do that here? or is this a thread for men about if men prefer a stay-at-home partner or a careerist? I'm a bit confused

It's just the choice of wording in the title implies that a woman who doesn't wish to take on a traditional stay at home role when married with kids must mean she is a heartless monster gunning for a career.
If I were to start a similar thread regarding men in tLL I would word it like

'Career Driven Man Vs Namby Pamby Househusband'

What I would be implying is that it is somehow wrong for a man to stay at home and vice versa.

Zulu

I know, "Women are Gorgons" shocker in the Gentlemans Club!

Whats the world coming to, it's fucking dispicable if you ask me. Quick! Ban the OP before anyone else gets offended.

donfers

nedtheshed wrote: »

The term referring to a female as a gorgon just because she wants to go out and have a decent career is derogatory.

You obviously have an issue with the moderation of tLL but this isnt tLL.

I have no issue with TLL, they can do as they wish, nothing to do with me.

I also understand how women could be offended by the implication of the word gorgon = career women are somehow more monstrous uncaring people.

It's a justified complaint.

So do we discuss the validity of the complaint or the topic the OP wishes to discuss which is stay at home v career women.

I also sympathise with Zulu's view that sometimes we are too easily offended when there was no malice of intent and get sidetracked due to our own sensitivities.

Basically I love everybody

Nevyn

I wasn't offended by it, most bemused and would like for the OP to come back and explain why they chose that word and answer the question which I put to him which was:
"ronaldoshaky if you wish for your wife to be a stay at home parent what to you see as your role as the husband and father? "

shellyboo

If and when I get married and have kids, I'd love to be lucky enough to be able to stay at home. Unfortunately, the reality these days is that not many families can afford to have only one parent working.

The OP is making out like it's a choice - that women go out to work instead of staying home with the kids because they just feel like it - when in reality, that's not always the case.

Will

Thread title amended to "Career-Minded". Hope this is ok.

If I ever get married and ever have kids ideally I'd like us to raise the kids ourselves. I see too many kids being reared by child minders and au pairs. Whether it is me or my imaginary wife doesn't matter, what might be ideal is the pair of us job share. However I'm not against my imaginary wife staying at home if she prefers, or if I stay at home.

Will worry about it if it ever occurs.

r3nu4l

Arguments aside, I do think that having at least one parent at home is a fantastic idea and I would very much love it if myself and mrs r3nu4l had the option of having one of us stay at home.

If we did have the option it would be a fight between us as to who would be the one to get to stay at home!!

As a scientist I don't lend much weight to many of the 'studies' that are conducted around this topic. Some studies say that when the woman stays at home the child fares better, others say that it just has to be either parent, male or female. Others say that it makes no difference. The key is to look at who commissioned the study. Then look at the questions asked and methods used to get the results.

Cicero

ronaldoshaky wrote: »

..... I would prefer to go out with a girl who wanted to be a home maker, as opposed to a girl who was a higher professional.

......just one question....what do you think this 'girl' is going to do in the meantime, before the time comes that she meets you?...sit at home and say, Mammy, I'm not going to do a degree or work or nuttin cause I'm gonna marry someone who wants me to stay at home all day....

OP...I just don't think life works the way you think it does...

shellyboo

Yeah and also they're not mutually exclusive concepts. I have a career, I love it, but I'd be prepared to put it on hold/to one side to raise a family.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect to find a woman who hasn't tried to carve out a career for herself because she plans to be a homemaker. Who'd be paying her way up until she meets her husband? Everyone has to work nowadays.

Nevyn

Being a stay at home parent isn't a bed of roses either.

humberklog

Thaedydal wrote: »

Being a stay at home parent isn't a bed of roses either.

I don't think the OP was insinuating that it was and wanted to pave the way in giving the missus an easy life, well not the way I read it anyhow.



I wouldn't be keen on it OP, job or the persuit of a near full-time interest adds a few extra dimensions to the personality of the relationship and indeed simply the over-the-dinner conversations.

Cicero

In fairness OP, your original post was a bit too simplistic, as you alluded to yourself...however, there are many many cultures throughout the world who's survival rests on very defined roles for men and women in society and without these roles, the societies wouldn't survive...they tend to be more community based, poverty tends to be prevalent, and religion can also play a role in keeping males and females in seperate defined roles...'western' society has attempted to break out of that mould..however, with couples having mortgages that are way beyond their means, I'm not sure if the 'choice' of staying at home- career or no career- is something that is open to many now..in fact, going out to work is not an option for many also!

Novella

Cicero wrote: »

......just one question....what do you think this 'girl' is going to do in the meantime, before the time comes that she meets you?...sit at home and say, Mammy, I'm not going to do a degree or work or nuttin cause I'm gonna marry someone who wants me to stay at home all day....

OP...I just don't think life works the way you think it does...

That's exactly what I was thinking!
If you find a girl who has a degree or whatever off-putting and you want a girl to marry you and stay at home, making babies, what is she supposed to do for the years between finishing school and getting married?! Work in a creche so she's really good at changing nappies?

The way it is now, the age people are getting married at is older than it was in the past. You just don't see that many twenty year olds getting married nowadays, whereas it was quite the norm. The age of women having their first child in this country has also risen. Maybe this is down to how expensive everything is now, I'm not too sure.

Realistically, the majority of women will go to college or go straight from school into the workplace, as opposed to walking down the aisle at eighteen. I mean, I'm sure there are many women who'd love to be stay at home mothers etc. but to live on one salary, with a couple of kids too, I'd say fair play. To be able to comfortably go from school to being married - wow. It just isn't happening anymore. So more and more women do go to college and are career driven because 1, everyone needs money and 2, why would anyone sit at home like, "Ah, no, not going to college, just waiting to meet a guy I can marry and stay at home"? What if she never meets a guy?! Then she'll be degree-less, career-less and pretty much poor.

Michael B

Honestly yeah I'd prefer if the mother of my children could stay at home with them. But finances may not let that happen. Ultimately it's up to her of course but if it was something she'd prefer to do it would be my ideal situation.

donfers

Novella wrote: »

That's exactly what I was thinking!
If you find a girl who has a degree or whatever off-putting and you want a girl to marry you and stay at home, making babies, what is she supposed to do for the years between finishing school and getting married?! Work in a creche so she's really good at changing nappies?

The way it is now, the age people are getting married at is older than it was in the past. You just don't see that many twenty year olds getting married nowadays, whereas it was quite the norm. The age of women having their first child in this country has also risen. Maybe this is down to how expensive everything is now, I'm not too sure.

Realistically, the majority of women will go to college or go straight from school into the workplace, as opposed to walking down the aisle at eighteen. I mean, I'm sure there are many women who'd love to be stay at home mothers etc. but to live on one salary, with a couple of kids too, I'd say fair play. To be able to comfortably go from school to being married - wow. It just isn't happening anymore. So more and more women do go to college and are career driven because 1, everyone needs money and 2, why would anyone sit at home like, "Ah, no, not going to college, just waiting to meet a guy I can marry and stay at home"? What if she never meets a guy?! Then she'll be degree-less, career-less and pretty much poor.

Well of course the demographic that uses these forums are generally going to advocate going down the career route but I do note some disparaging comments about stay-at-home mothers as if it somehow less worthy a pursuit than some corporate career. Personally I think it is a far more worthy duty to raise one's children (whether you be a man or woman) than devote your career to the services of some soulless corporation or the pursuit of wealth.

I believe it is equally as insulting to belittle the act of child-raising as it is to consider a careerist an unfeeling monster. Both lifestyle choices have validity.

Career development and child-raising are not mutually exclusive concepts. I know many women and have read about many women who have switched from one to the other and had their lives enriched when they had previously diehard committed to just one of those lifestyle choices. The mega-rich company executive who suddenly finds true fulfillment in looking after her first born and watching her/him grow. The devoted mother who starts her own business. Anything really is possible.

Finally, with regard to mens' preferences for their partner, that is entirely up to the individual man. If he wants his partner to be a committed mother then he is perfectly entitled to that preference and should seek out someone who will do just that. Like it or not girls there are still many many women (not reflected in the demographic on these boards) who do seek out a man who can look after them, protect them and provide for them. If they are both happy with this arrangement I see nothing wrong with it and I certainly wouldn't think less of a woman who didn't go to college and instead married a wealthy man and was dependent on him financially. People find different ways to advance and better their situation and as long as they themselves choose their way then we cannot criticise.

Novella

donfers wrote: »

Well of course the demographic that uses these forums are generally going to advocate going down the career route but I do note some disparaging comments about stay-at-home mothers as if it somehow less worthy a pursuit than some corporate career. Personally I think it is a far more worthy duty to raise one's children (whether you be a man or woman) than devote your career to the services of some soulless corporation or the pursuit of wealth.

I believe it is equally as insulting to belittle the act of child-raising as it is to consider a careerist an unfeeling monster. Both lifestyle choices have validity.

Career development and child-raising are not mutually exclusive concepts. I know many women and have read about many women who have switched from one to the other and had their lives enriched when they had previously diehard committed to just one of those lifestyle choices. The mega-rich company executive who suddenly finds true fulfillment in looking after her first born and watching her/him grow. The devoted mother who starts her own business. Anything really is possible.

Finally, with regard to mens' preferences for their partner, that is entirely up to the individual man. If he wants his partner to be a committed mother then he is perfectly entitled to that preference and should seek out someone who will do just that. Like it or not girls there are still many many women (not reflected in the demographic on these boards) who do seek out a man who can look after them, protect them and provide for them. If they are both happy with this arrangement I see nothing wrong with it and I certainly wouldn't think less of a woman who didn't go to college and instead married a wealthy man and was dependent on him financially. People find different ways to advance and better their situation and as long as they themselves choose their way then we cannot criticise.

Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home parent. I hope my post didn't imply that there is. It's just that the OP asked in his opening post, "Would you prefer a girl with or without a degree?", and I was simply pointing out that a lot of women now do go to college so hoping for a woman without a degree, or ruling a woman with one out is just a bit... silly.

I know a career minded woman and a mother can be mutually exclusive, I am well aware of the fact. All I was saying is that in this day and age, with the cost of living etc., sometimes having one parent stay at home isn't ideal. I was also just wondering what he expected the girl to do after she finished school, if getting a degree was off-putting..

Khannie

humberklog wrote: »

job or the persuit of a near full-time interest adds a few extra dimensions to the personality of the relationship and indeed simply the over-the-dinner conversations.

We're never stuck for over-the-dinner conversation. In fact, I'd say more happens at home on a day to day basis than in my poxy delightful office job.

Malari

Novella wrote: »

Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home parent. I hope my post didn't imply that there is. It's just that the OP asked in his opening post, "Would you prefer a girl with or without a degree?", and I was simply pointing out that a lot of women now do go to college so hoping for a woman without a degree, or ruling a woman with one out is just a bit... silly.

Yeah, not to mention the fact that you don't need a degree to have a career, or even work out of the home to have a career. Not with the technology available now for home offices.

Having said that, I can't see anything wrong with wanting to meet someone who also wanted the same things in terms of child-minding decisions. It's probably one of the more important things to get straight in a relationship!

Nevyn

You can have a home office but working from home is not a real practical option (esp when the kids are pre school) for a lot of people and employers are relucant to let people do it. I have look at remote working and frankly the options are slim to none.

Snowie

Personally I would prefer if I'm ever in that situation....
That well hopefully Well booth own our own companys and take it in turns to collect the kids from school... I dont wanna be the kinda dad that doesnt get to spend time with his kids I prefer to have an active role just like my old man did...

I think expect the wife to look after the kids well, she'l be knackered after a days work and then to look after a bunch of screaming monkeys Its kinda one sided and well i dont agree with it... It takes 2 two make it why should the wife get the brunt of the work ?

I think its a bit old fasioned....

I'd prefer a wife that has her own career. tho saying that i know my future job will drag me to very rremote places for weeks on end but thats the nature of the job.. I wanna do

I think if you go down the road of wife at home looking after the sproggs things begin to go a bit pete thong, minogmy and genrally It don't sound much fun....

mood

Thaedydal wrote: »

You can have a home office but working from home is not a real practical option (esp when the kids are pre school) for a lot of people and employers are relucant to let people do it. I have look at remote working and frankly the options are slim to none.

I don't think it is possible too do your job from home and mind kids. One or both will suffer.

It all depends on what both people want and the situation at the time.

Malari

mood wrote: »

I don't think it is possible too do your job from home and mind kids. One or both will suffer.

It all depends on what both people want and the situation at the time.

Not necessarily! I think it depends on the nature of the work. I know two people doing it successfully at the moment.

princess-lala

I for one wont be staying at home! I love my job and while I will cut down on my hours if and when I become a mother I will not give it up, firstly because its my business and I couldnt close it and secondly very few families can afford for one parent to stay at home nowadays.

If I meet a man who expects me to stay at home he can go take a jump!

I dont have a degree from a college but Im very highly trained in what I do and I love it! I cant ever see myself doing anything else!

I admire women who do stay at home I just cant see myself ever wanting to stay at home all day.

humberklog

ronaldoshaky wrote: »

Is it chauvinistic to want a woman to stay at home and raise the children?

Yeah, maybe, say if you wanted her to and was going to get into a strop if she didn't.
However it could be handy too, perhaps during her free time you could get her to respond (on your behalf of course) to some of the questions that you've been asked on some of the threads you have started. Win, win, right there.

kdave

The best thing to do is to never have kids because they are walking leeches who suck money, life and character from you.
You should not structure your life around staying at home and looking after kids because they are not worth having
It is not an achievment to reproduce as it has been done by humans for 300,000 years

Emme

kdave wrote: »

The best thing to do is to never have kids because they are walking leeches who suck money, life and character from you.
You should not structure your life around staying at home and looking after kids because they are not worth having
It is not an achievment to reproduce as it has been done by humans for 300,000 years

Some people should have children and some people shouldn't. As for reproduction not being an achievement - try carrying a child for 9 months and you'd think differently.

Herbal Deity

It's not an achievement. Billions of women have done it, no brains are required, there's nothing unique about it. Sure there's some endurance involved, but kids are ultimately a self-gratification thing, which I have no problem with, as it's perfectly normal and reasonable, but having kids isn't exactly something you'd give someone a pat on the back for.

SugarHigh

Thaedydal wrote: »

I wasn't offended by it, most bemused and would like for the OP to come back and explain why they chose that word and answer the question which I put to him which was:
"ronaldoshaky if you wish for your wife to be a stay at home parent what to you see as your role as the husband and father? "

Personally I wouldn't answer that question because it's clearly loaded with intentions of attacking the posters answer instead of adding anything to the discussion.