Relationship with single mother-yes or no

timetogetfit

I was wondering if most guys here when looking for a new relationship consider it a big no no with regards to single mothers?

SLUSK

I would never be with a single mother. Why would anyone take on the responsibility of raising another blokes kid?

krudler

If it were me, probably not tbh, I prefer being in a relationship with no baggage from the offset, kids, ex boyfriends still hanging around, that sort of thing. I do want my own kids some day but being brought into a childs life when they're not yours and then having them ask questions about their real dad wouldnt be for me

mardybumbum

A good friend of mine is going out with a single mother. He seems to be fairly happy with the situation.

I would never be able to do it.

Otis Driftwood

Depends on the woman TBH.Ive dated single mothers in the past,never anything serious and it never led to a "relationship".Things just fizzled out but the fact they had a child didnt come into the equation.

If I like her and she likes me then I will date her.

RacoonQueen

If you had kids would you like it if women didn't go out with you because you had kids?

SLUSK

RacoonQueen wrote: »

If you had kids would you like it if women didn't go out with you because you had kids?

This is a highly unrealistic scenario. I will make sure I have no children.

RacoonQueen

SLUSK wrote: »

This is a highly unrealistic scenario. I will make sure I have no children.

How is it unrealistic? For every single mother out there theres a single dad. Not every single mother is linked to a 'no good dad'. Many dads have split custody and see the kids for 7 days out of 14 etc.. IF that was you and a girl didn't go out with you because of that even though she liked you and you got on well etc. How would you like it?

For the record, I have no kids but would go out with a guy who had them.

SLUSK

RacoonQueen wrote: »

How is it unrealistic? For every single mother out there theres a single dad. Not every single mother is linked to a 'no good dad'. Many dads have split custody and see the kids for 7 days out of 14 etc.. IF that was you and a girl didn't go out with you because of that even though she liked you and you got on well etc. How would you like it?

For the record, I have no kids but would go out with a guy who had them.

No children, I will not compromise on this. I don't care if a woman wants me or not. There is no such thing as a right to feel loved.

princess-lala

RacoonQueen wrote: »

If you had kids would you like it if women didn't go out with you because you had kids?

I was just going to ask this!

My brother became a dad at 17 - not by choice! Relationship didnt work out then - neither of them had problems finding another partner!

A few of my friends both male and female are single parents! nobody has a problem with dating them!

Must be a problem for you guys because you wouldnt be that persons number 1, and not every absent father is a waster!

Nervous Wreck

My opinion would be that I'd be dating the girl; not the kid. I wouldn't be mad for a "Hey, I'm Mandy and this is my kid, let's play house!" type of buzz. But if I met a girl and liked her and she happened to have a kid, I'd have no problem as long as we took things slowly and the kid and I weren't brought into each others lives before it was necessary/comfortable/the right time. Rushing things like that is no good for anyone, especially the child.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

It wouldn't be an ideal situation and I think I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be on my mind at times

But it's so bloody hard to meet a nice girl that if you did meet one, who happened to have a kid, well then just give it a go, it's better than wondering what if

I think a big issue would also be the fellas mother, I know fellas who were going out with girls who had kids and their mothers didnt like it one bit and would give them a hard time about it, although they would do it indirectly as they would like to be thought of as modern and openminded

And Irish lads listen to their mammys... sad but true

RacoonQueen

SLUSK wrote: »

No children, I will not compromise on this. I don't care if a woman wants me or not. There is no such thing as a right to feel loved.

You didn't read what I said. I asked IF it was you that had a kid and a girl wouldn't go out with you because of it even though she liked you, how would you feel?

None of this crap that you'd make sure you didn't have kids, accidents happen...

wobblyknees

timetogetfit wrote: »

I was wondering if most guys here when looking for a new relationship consider it a big no no with regards to single mothers?

I suppose it depends on whether the eldest of the 12 is old enough to babysit the others at weekends.

SLUSK

RacoonQueen wrote: »

You didn't read what I said. I asked IF it was you that had a kid and a girl wouldn't go out with you because of it even though she liked you, how would you feel?

None of this crap that you'd make sure you didn't have kids, accidents happen...

If this was the case that I was a single father and got rejected because of this I would deal with it. I get rejected all the time anyway you deal with it. Ain't the end of the world.

SLUSK

SLUSK wrote: »

There is no such thing as a right to feel loved.

Please explain this concept. Your talking about children you might father?

SLUSK wrote: »

This is a highly unrealistic scenario. I will make sure I have no children.

You live a celibate life?

SLUSK wrote: »

I would never be with a single mother. Why would anyone take on the responsibility of raising another blokes kid?

The thing is, if you get into a position where you are taking on the responsibility of another person child.
Your in the lucky position of loving someone, and that child is not only some other blokes. But an integral part of the person you love.

force majeure

timetogetfit wrote: »

I was wondering if most guys here when looking for a new relationship consider it a big no no with regards to single mothers?

I see no reason why not. Sure they well be history that needs to be looked in to but in all honesty I see no problem from that point off view myself, if you interested in the Woman then that's that... all talk off kids being too much hassle is a bit childish in my own view. Every thing about relationship's tends to be hard work that need plenty off leeway.

chillin_penguin

not for me would not be willing to mind some other guys kid

iguana

Moonbaby wrote: »

Your in the lucky position of loving someone, and that child is not only some other blokes. But an integral part of the person you love.

But everyone has dealbreakers in who the are attracted to and want to have a relationship with. Some people wouldn't want to go out with a workaholic, some wouldn't want to be with someone with a poor attitude to money. Some wouldn't want to be with an obese person or someone else mightn't want to be with a devout theist.

The same goes for being with someone who already has a child. I dated a guy with a child once and it was quite honestly awful. The fact that he had a child influenced every aspect of our relationship and I was never comfortable with it, as much as I tried to make myself be. It wasn't the reason that we broke up, but when we did split up my overwhelming emotion was one of relief that I didn't have to deal with the single father thing anymore.

Dealing with someone else's child is a huge deal and it's not for everyone and it's perfectly acceptable to not want that in your life.

SugarHigh

RacoonQueen wrote: »

If you had kids would you like it if women didn't go out with you because you had kids?

I don't understand why the answer to this question would be important.

Are you saying that because someone wouldn't like to be rejected they are not allowed to reject?

iguana

iguana wrote: »

But everyone has dealbreakers in who the are attracted to and want to have a relationship with.

Absolutely, of course we are entitled to our preferences.

iguana wrote: »

The fact that he had a child influenced every aspect of our relationship and I was never comfortable with it, as much as I tried to make myself be. It wasn't the reason that we broke up, but when we did split up my overwhelming emotion was one of relief that I didn't have to deal with the single father thing anymore.

I've felt exactly the same, dealing with an ex's unpleasant family.
Baggage comes in many forms, and non of us come without our own responsibilities.

iguana

Moonbaby wrote: »

Baggage comes in many forms, and non of us come without our own responsibilities.

Of course we aren't, but there are some things we can and are willing to deal with and others that we aren't. And equally there are things about us that some people will be able to deal with and others won't. And an existing child/children is one of those things that some people will never be able to, or want to, deal with.

Herbal Deity

RacoonQueen wrote: »

If you had kids would you like it if women didn't go out with you because you had kids?

It'd be her choice tbh.

No one should have to justify what they find attractive or what they would consider a dealbreaker when it comes to relationships.

Snowie

Its one of those things......

As a bloke you can say yay or nay........ Theres things to be looked at.
For intsance.

How the mother gets on ith the x....
then theres things like doing things at the spair of the moment...Which can be difficult, Other things like what her position...in working long hour days nights?
they all come into play then theres the kid... what age is the kid baby todler child?


Reasons Im saying this a woman with a two year old doesnt exactly have much time on there hands. and could be egsausted from lots of work....

at the same time.

Ive read on this forum women and men booth saying oh youle always be number 2 in there lives shel never love you as much as the child which isnt the case there to different love's... One could potentioly be a partner the others a chld... while yes she may haver responcability shes shareing her life while bringing up a child with another guy thats no easy feet.......

being Honest to me its one thing the girl how i get on with her, is there much friction with her and her X........Kid really does'nt come into the equation really....

Mackman

I honestly dont know, it would definatly depend on the woman. But my biggest problem with it would be always being second to the child. (of course this depends on the age of the kid).
When you're dating, its great to be able to do things when ye want, pop out ot the cinema, head out for dinner, maybe even go away for a weekend, but if there's a young kid involved, those things become very hard to do.
I have a friend who went out with a single mum, and basically he dissapeared for the duration of the relationship. They managed to go out every now and then, but very rarely.

CDfm

I cant see why not.

If you date i Ireland its inevitable really.

It is different than dating a child free girl and she is taking a bigger risk on you. Allthings being equal and if you are able to cope with being part of a relationship where your partner has other demands and obligations it should be ok.

The one drawback would be her expectations of ytou in her childslife ie if she expected you to be a surrogate dad, That would be freaky.

I personally wouldnt see it being any different to a woman dating a single Dad or even a dairy farmer or anyone whose work can spill over in to personnal time.

metrovelvet

I can see why you wouldnt. Its like dating a workaholic on call doctor, especially with young kids. Very understandable.

DJ_U4EA

If it was one night just for some NSA fun then I'd think about it. I'd never enter a relationship with a single mother though, I don't want kids myself and I certainly don't want a relationship where there is a kid involved as a third wheel.

FewFew

Nobody likes baggage going into a relationship, but as someone said above baggage comes in all shapes and sizes, so if you like the girl enough then go for it. I know I'd have to think long and hard about it. If it was a situation where I liked the girl but felt there was something missing etc, then I wouldn't stick around to confuse the kid etc.

I've a friend who's a single mother and I think she has the right idea when it comes to all this: Guys she meets are well aware she's a single mother, or at least they soon become aware, but they're not meeting her daughter until it becomes a serious relationship. No point confusing the child with a procession of different guys.

Keano

I think it’s too easy to say never. You could meet a girl that you really connect with and get on great with, things are going so well and then she tells you that she has a child – so someone of you guys would just bugger off! I’m not sure you would.

Khannie

I married one.

P.C.

timetogetfit wrote: »

I was wondering if most guys here when looking for a new relationship consider it a big no no with regards to single mothers?

I can not give you a yes or no answer.
It would depend on so many things.

I would definately get to now her, and see how things go, but I would also try and be open and honest with her.

Gillo

It depends on both yours and the other persons circumstances, if you are asking the question then the answer for you is no.
As a single father I'd say no problem with it at all, and hey I know my ex found someone fairly quick after we broke up so in general it doesn't seem to be a problem for most people. Not impressed how I found out though but that's a b!tchy rant I'm not gonna have here.

minidazzler

It would entirely depend on the girl for me.

If she was looking for replacement daddy, then no I wouldn't. Simply because I wouldn't wnat to come into a kids life and then eventually leave possibly messing with the kids head, especially if the woman in question does this a number of times.

If she wanted a relationship that was separate from her kid for a good while at the start until we knew if we would be solid, then yeah, I would go for it and I would be understanding that the kid takes priority.

MrsMiaWallace

As a single mother iv always preferred to date men with no kids plus they have tended to be younger men anyway so less likely to have any. I totally understand that children and ex's can create problems and its a battle out there to survive never mind having a relationship.
Iv been separated 3yrs,the father is in uk and courts consider him not fit for contact so he's not on the scene but im far too independent to find a replacement father haha do women really do that?
I dont date much too busy or cant be bothered but i have plenty offers and never during the last 3yrs had a man disappear at the mention of kids, quite the opposite even guys in their early 20;s are keen to date and want t keep on dating me.
Look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, she's got 4? he has none...seems to work well

Sarah**

Quick two cents on this.

I have a friend who is late twenties. Went travelling. Met a guy in Oz. Stayed on an extra year. So a year and a half into the relationship she found out she was pregnant. He booked an appointment for her and he thought that was that.

she couldnt go through with it and rang home and organised to come home telling the father that she was sorry but she wasnt going to abbort the child and everything happens for a reason. He has been contacted by every single girl who was travelling with her to tell him he had a son and at his past two birthdays. He doesnt want to know still.

he lives in Austrailia and the son will be told when he asks where he is and we all have the emails and letters to show to him should he decide this is "Karla's" fault.

Im not about to go into a huge "Hate men" spiel but all im saying is that everyone deserves to be happy. Surely my single mother friend deserves to meet someone who will love her and not hold the fact that she couldnt face doing something which she thought immoral against her.

So are you saying should you meet "Karla" on a night out and she told you about her 2 year old son.... you would walk away?

speedboatchase

Sarah** wrote: »

Quick two cents on this.

I have a friend who is late twenties. Went travelling. Met a guy in Oz. Stayed on an extra year. So a year and a half into the relationship she found out she was pregnant. He booked an appointment for her and he thought that was that.

she couldnt go through with it and rang home and organised to come home telling the father that she was sorry but she wasnt going to abbort the child and everything happens for a reason. He has been contacted by every single girl who was travelling with her to tell him he had a son and at his past two birthdays. He doesnt want to know still.

he lives in Austrailia and the son will be told when he asks where he is and we all have the emails and letters to show to him should he decide this is "Karla's" fault.

Im not about to go into a huge "Hate men" spiel but all im saying is that everyone deserves to be happy. Surely my single mother friend deserves to meet someone who will love her and not hold the fact that she couldnt face doing something which she thought immoral against her.

So are you saying should you meet "Karla" on a night out and she told you about her 2 year old son.... you would walk away?

I can't blame the guy. "Karla" obviously made it sound like she had no problem with the appointment and didn't raise objections, then left the country to have the kid and use it as a guilt trip for the father who didn't want to have kids and did it because she "deserves to be happy". I would walk away from Karla especially if I knew this story about her!

"He has been contacted by every single girl who was travelling with her to tell him he had a son and at his past two birthdays."

Why are her friends involved in this? This kid is going to grow up to hate his father, what a bunny boiler. Another reason I wouldn't touch a single parent with a barge pole or turkey baster

Glenster

Sarah** wrote: »

So are you saying should you meet "Karla" on a night out and she told you about her 2 year old son.... you would walk away?

No but once she told me that she pretended to have an abortion and then moved to the other side of the world with the kid and now has her friends badmouth the bloke who knocked her up there'd be a effing sonic boom i'd be moving so fast.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Sarah** wrote: »

Quick two cents on this.

I have a friend who is late twenties. Went travelling. Met a guy in Oz. Stayed on an extra year. So a year and a half into the relationship she found out she was pregnant. He booked an appointment for her and he thought that was that.

she couldnt go through with it and rang home and organised to come home telling the father that she was sorry but she wasnt going to abbort the child and everything happens for a reason. He has been contacted by every single girl who was travelling with her to tell him he had a son and at his past two birthdays. He doesnt want to know still.

he lives in Austrailia and the son will be told when he asks where he is and we all have the emails and letters to show to him should he decide this is "Karla's" fault.

Im not about to go into a huge "Hate men" spiel but all im saying is that everyone deserves to be happy. Surely my single mother friend deserves to meet someone who will love her and not hold the fact that she couldnt face doing something which she thought immoral against her.

So are you saying should you meet "Karla" on a night out and she told you about her 2 year old son.... you would walk away?

THe circumstances of how the child is born are utterly irrelevent.

If I had a kid myself it wouldn't be an issue, but i honestly think it would be a bad idea when I don't. Having to deal with the father, not being able to travel or have freedom to do things spontaneously. Knowing there'd be extra grief if we broke up. Doesn't seem worth the risk

CDfm

thats a bit irrelevant to the thread as to whether or not you would date a single mum.

there are bunny boilers out there but there are also genuine nice women too.

When you have kids and take on a new partner you do take a risk and the risk is not always one sided.

PCPhoto

for me ....it doesnt change the woman if she has a child.

I was at a party a couple of years ago and chatting up this lovely girl when she tells me she has a 2yr old at home, I quickly replied ... "that doesnt change anything ...you are still you and I like you "

we spent the night talking and are still in touch every now and again - nothing physical happened and I'm currently in a relationship with someone.

metrovelvet

A lot of the time people dont want to have to compete with the child. Its like a sibling rivalry.

MrsMiaWallace

metrovelvet wrote: »

A lot of the time people dont want to have to compete with the child. Its like a sibling rivalry.

Well that just sums up a lot of men in general doesnt it :cool: competing with a child hahaha

CDfm

But why would someone be competing with anyone.

Surely when the child is young he/she goes off doing child things, school parties,sports whatever and the adults go off to work. Nightime kiddies go to bed and adults do adult stuff.

So i can imagine if you had a yummy mummy there would be no room in her life for a relationship and that everyone else including her and any relationship would be second place to the child.

So it depends whether or not the mother has a relationship as her priority or makes room for it

metrovelvet wrote: »

A lot of the time people dont want to have to compete with the child. Its like a sibling rivalry.

MrsMiaWallace wrote: »

Well that just sums up a lot of men in general doesnt it :cool: competing with a child hahaha

Why on earth would anyone want to compete with a child that isnt his for someones attention who isnt interested

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

But why would someone be competing with anyone.

Surely when the child is young he/she goes off doing child things, school parties,sports whatever and the adults go off to work. Nightime kiddies go to bed and adults do adult stuff.

So i can imagine if you had a yummy mummy there would be no room in her life for a relationship and that everyone else including her and any relationship would be second place to the child.

So it depends whether or not the mother has a relationship as her priority or makes room for it








Why on earth would anyone want to compete with a child that isnt his for someones attention who isnt interested

Because people are childish. They dont like sharing.

I have learned a lot about human nature from having a toddler. Seriously. Its all there.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Because people are childish. They dont like sharing.

I have learned a lot about human nature from having a toddler. Seriously. Its all there.

I have a partner and I have kids but my kids are my problem -not saying that we dont have co-existence but i have to make my relationship a priority too.

You cant possibly expect someone else to have the same interest in your child as you.

So why would someone be interested in a partner who doesnt prioritize or value them???

MrsMiaWallace

CDfm wrote: »

I have a partner and I have kids but my kids are my problem -not saying that we dont have co-existence but i have to make my relationship a priority too.

You cant possibly expect someone else to have the same interest in your child as you.

So why would someone be interested in a partner who doesnt prioritize or value them???

I think Metrovelvet is talking from experience in that she has had experiences of men who cannot seem to cope with her having a child and the attention she gives her child instead of the man, i think a man has mentioned the attention bit on this thread already.
Mayb alot of people are talking from experience but again everyone is different and so are children, the only time i would think twice about going out with someone who had kids is if their ex's hadnt moved on or their child had ADHD that is like having a child times 5 :eek: i just dont have that much patients

metrovelvet

No I am not speaking from my experience. I am just noting one of the main reasons I think people might shy away from being with someone who has a child. Undivided attention kind of thing. All of the money thats in the wallet. All of the time that is at the weekend. And an ex on the scene, well in most cases.

I know what you are saying cdfm - and Im with you there - but people are weird.

CDfm

MrsMiaWallace wrote: »

I think Metrovelvet is talking from experience in that she has had experiences of men who cannot seem to cope with her having a child and the attention she gives her child instead of the man, i think a man has mentioned the attention bit on this thread already.

But thats the choice the man makes.

As my partner made that choice with me.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

But thats the choice the man makes.

As my partner made that choice with me.

Everyone has their preferences. Just like I wouldnt choose a fat guy or a guy who liked to spend too much time in the pub.

Sarah**

Glenster wrote: »

No but once she told me that she pretended to have an abortion and then moved to the other side of the world with the kid and now has her friends badmouth the bloke who knocked her up there'd be a effing sonic boom i'd be moving so fast.

Hang on a second she told him she couldnt have the abortion and that is when she rang home....

Clearly you misread my post.

The child is not going to grow up to hate his father. Should he want to meet his dad that is not a problem, She will take him to Oz and has decided it is up to her son to make his judgements but should her son be led to think that "Karla" didnt try to keep him in the childs life by emails and calling then she will show the email to him saying basically i told her to have an abortion and get rid. So im done.

We all didnt get involved. The girls who were travelling who were mates with him were in contact with him trying to let him know he has a son and such. He replied saying i thought you guys would of have some sort of ability to talk her out of ruining my life.