Should I be feeling this upset over valentines?

shelly82

I know my boyfriend is mad about me as am i about him. I just cant believe he didnt get me a card for valentines, bit upset over it as i got him one and a pressie. We're together 2yrs and should know i do like a bit of romance even if valentines is a bit corny?

Kiera

Did you agree not to get each other something?

seamus

Men don't take valentine's seriously, that's pretty much all there is to it. Valentine's is largely seen as a woman's day, made up to extract money from men's wallets in some hollow expression of love. It's a made-up "holiday" and the first time it appears on most men's radars is when our new girlfriend loses the plot because we didn't buy her a card.

He doesn't take it very seriously, so he assumes you don't either. Just let him know for future reference that you would like something on the day.

loloray

shelly82 wrote: »

Should I be feeling this upset over valentines?

No.

Meh, I didn't get anything either. I said it to my boyf and he explained why - he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day as he feels he should be romantic every day instead of just one day, and doesn't like the commercialism. I would've liked one but I see his point, mostly it's a card that someone else has made and created that you sign your name to (I made him one ).

There's no reason to get upset over this sort of thing, loads of guys (and girls) hate Valentine's Day, but if you want a card or whatever you need to explain your point of view instead of still being upset about it the next day.
But you say yourself that you know that you are mad about each other, so if that's true, and everything's ok and he's romantic in other ways, then don't be worrying about a card.

shelly82

Kiera wrote: »

Did you agree not to get each other something?

We never really spoke about it just persumed would at least get a card!!

xzanti

Not as much as a card? That's a bit miserable tbh, and I would feel pretty scalded over it too.. I know a lot of people don't bother with it as it's a 'Hallmark' celebration and all that, but unless you both agreed not to acknowledge it then he should have at least got you a card.. IMHO..

Kiera

shelly82 wrote: »

We never really spoke about it just persumed would at least get a card!!

TBH i'm more a bloke when it comes to things like this. I dont go for all the bells and whistles. If you didnt state that it was a big deal to you then how is he meant to know?


Tell him March 14th is off

LegacyUser

Hi,

I totally see where your coming from. Its one day of the whole yr when its nice to have your OH make a bit of an effort. Did he do anything nice at all for you? You should tell him that it upset you and maybe next weekend ye could do something nice together.

LegacyUser

Hi op, i feel your pain, spent lovely day with boyfriend yesterday, treated him for dinner, drinks, kept thinking where's my card?? (i know about all this hallmark crap) thought he was going to surprise me,
Gave him card, pressie, got a thanks, wow, few kisses, sex. (new underwear and all)
I was so pissed off, didn't say anything but feck it, everywhere you look for the part few weeks, valentines, chocs tesco 1.99.
Sent him text this am to say thanks for card, appreciate it!
Seriously thinking about dumping him, i only wanted 99c card or even a homemade one, even an mms would do.
Think it sucks more to have boyfriend ignore valentines day, than to be single, at least your not expecting anything then.
Happy pancake tuesday for tomorrow.
Seriously though tell your boyfriend how you feel, or else it could happen again + again.

LegacyUser

Two possibilities
1. He didn't get you anything because of his 'principles' ie Valentines Day is a Hallmark occasion, and he being a very clever man is not going to fall for that!
2. He forgot, despite the millions/billions spent on advertising to help people remember

So you're either dating an air headed nincompoop, or a man who'd rather put his 'principles' over a girl who probably spent hours getting ready to meet him when meeting for a date; had her hair done; spent a fortune on clothes and cosmetics just to look nice for him; a girl who's probably made him feel happier than he's ever felt. I'm not saying that you went all out, these are the types of things most girls do when they're dating someone, yet more often than not, it goes unnoticed. Taken for granted.
So on the one day of the year when you're expecting something a bit more special, you get nothing, it's such a slap in the face and shows you just how selfish and thoughtless this 'wonderful' man you've being seeing really is.

The air headed nincompoop is starting to look like a real catch : (. Choices, choices, what's a girl to do?

smoggy11

Pancake tuesday wrote: »

Hi op, i feel your pain, spent lovely day with boyfriend yesterday, treated him for dinner, drinks, kept thinking where's my card?? (i know about all this hallmark crap) thought he was going to surprise me,
Gave him card, pressie, got a thanks, wow, few kisses, sex. (new underwear and all)
I was so pissed off, didn't say anything but feck it, everywhere you look for the part few weeks, valentines, chocs tesco 1.99.
Sent him text this am to say thanks for card, appreciate it!
Seriously thinking about dumping him, i only wanted 99c card or even a homemade one, even an mms would do.
Think it sucks more to have boyfriend ignore valentines day, than to be single, at least your not expecting anything then.
Happy pancake tuesday for tomorrow.
Seriously though tell your boyfriend how you feel, or else it could happen again + again.

Seriously? You would dump a boyfriend for not getting you a card? He probably didn't think to get you something and then when you did all that stuff for him he felt awkward. I know I would.

OP, to be honest, I think it was probably more of an oversight on the part of your boyfriend. As has been said, men don't think about valentines day in the same way as girls.

Unless it is a constant problem that there is no romance in your relationship I wouldn't get upset over one day and no card. Did he do anything else yesterday that was sweet or romantic even if he didn't get you a card?

sexdwarf

Pancake tuesday wrote: »

Hi op, i feel your pain, spent lovely day with boyfriend yesterday, treated him for dinner, drinks, kept thinking where's my card?? (i know about all this hallmark crap) thought he was going to surprise me,
Gave him card, pressie, got a thanks, wow, few kisses, sex. (new underwear and all)
I was so pissed off, didn't say anything but feck it, everywhere you look for the part few weeks, valentines, chocs tesco 1.99.
Sent him text this am to say thanks for card, appreciate it!
Seriously thinking about dumping him, i only wanted 99c card or even a homemade one, even an mms would do.
Think it sucks more to have boyfriend ignore valentines day, than to be single, at least your not expecting anything then.
Happy pancake tuesday for tomorrow.
Seriously though tell your boyfriend how you feel, or else it could happen again + again.

Ah no? Dumping him over a card? That's unreal. I never understand this fixation with the ecoutrements and bells and whistles around relationships.

Surely the way he treats you on a day to day basis is far more important than a piece of cardboard on a specific day of the year? Most people I know dispensed with the whole 'holiday' as they got older, including me.

Ladies ask yourself, is your boyfriend a good one? Is he thoughtful and caring? Does he treat you right? If not, he's not worth hanging onto and you've got bigger problems.

If he is though, and he doesn't get you a card on a made up holiday, so what! I didn't get my bf anything, he didn't get me anything. But we treat each other right, when it comes to the important stuff. Surely that's all that matters?

LegacyUser

sexdwarf wrote: »

But we treat each other right, when it comes to the important stuff. Surely that's all that matters?

You've hit the nail on the head there. If you're not being taken for granted, well then Valentines is just another day.

Totally different scenario if you feel you are being taken for granted though! Awful feeling to be overlooked, whether you're man, woman or beast!

Babooshka

shelly82 wrote: »

I know my boyfriend is mad about me as am i about him. I just cant believe he didnt get me a card for valentines, bit upset over it as i got him one and a pressie. We're together 2yrs and should know i do like a bit of romance even if valentines is a bit corny?

Basically the question is, do you feel secure in every other aspect apart from this? I agree and then I disagree with the view that if one person in a relationship doesn't "do" valentines day then the other should just "get over it". There isn't one rule fits all in relationships. Personally I'd be very upset if my BF didn't say or do something, anything on valentines day, because corny and stupid as it is, we're together, so even if he is mortified about it, a peck on the cheek and a "happy valentines day, I'll cook ya dinner cos I don't believe in that hallmark shee-ite" would do it for me.

I think you've got to go on your overall feelings in all areas of your relationship, not just this one thing. I find in general if I'm annoyed about one thing like that, well, if it becomes a big thing in my head, that there's an underlying reason about the overall relationship not just related to the one "little thing" if you get my drift?

Barracudaincork

On st Patricks Day will you be upset you dont get a card? There is cards out there for that day. Do you get cards from your boyfriend on your birthday, xmas, easter, halloween etc without fail and this is the only one holiday he has choosen to ignore, if so then really that is awful behaviour from him. However if he doesnt normally do this then why are you getting so upset over Valentines day? Ok so your answer would be because you are his girl etc but in relation to the other days mentioned about, you Irish?you celebrate xmas and easter? you ever dressed up for halloween and yet you mightnt get cards for any of those days.

I know you arent the poster who said they are thinking of dumping their boyfriend over not giving her a card, but how did you feel when you read that post, could you relate or where you saying WTF? How you reacted to that post may give you some insight as to how you really feel about this.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Yeah I do think you have a right to be upset over not getting a card. How would your boyfriend feel about you forgetting "steak and a blowjob day", which is on 14th March. I swear to god I'm not making that up by the way. Apparently it was made up by guys coz they felt valentine's day is really for girls. I think that's fair enough. So anywho yeah, I can see why you'd be upset but don't forget he is a guy, they're just don't get how being the only one of your friends murmuring "commercialism" on the 15th of February would upset you. He didn't do it to upset you, I'd say you just need to spell it out to him - "Buy me a card/pressie and I will celebrate steak and a blowjob day in return". I really can't see him saying "but sure love you can give me a blowjob and steak any day".

Kimono-Girl

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,
I can see why you'd be upset but don't forget he is a guy, they're just don't get how being the only one of your friends murmuring "commercialism" on the 15th of February would upset you.

first of all if that upsets you you shouldn't be with the guy, you shouldn't expect your boyfriend to do something just because 'everyone else does'.

second of all it IS commercialism for women a "who got the best present" competition, no woman seems ever to be happy with what they have!

thirdly OP try looking at it like this, has he ever forgotton important dates like birthday/anniversary/christmas? if not then i think you have your answer about yesterday! valentines just doesn't matter!

krudler

Heres the question that all women that get bent out of shape that they didnt get a folded piece of paper on a random day assigned by a card company, does he do anything romantic for you the other 364 days of the year? if yes, then he does show his love when HE wants to, not because he "has" to, that why Valentines is possibly the most unromantic day of the year, its manufactured cheesy love crap, Im as romantic as the next person, I love treating my girlfriend to small things I see in shops and know she'd love, or just ringing her out of the blue to tell her I love her and nothing else, those are the things that really matter,i do those things because i want to, not because Hallmark tell me i HAVE to.
If he doesnt ever do anything romantic, well then thats an issue, girls have no idea how big of a headfcuk Valentines is for guys, do you get something small and stupid? or is she expecting a bouqet of overpriced roses? a cute homemade card or will she think you're cheap for not buying a huge Hallmark one? dinner out or stay in and cook for her? Why dont you explain you do expect something from now on?and tell him exactly what you want, itd make life so much easier if girls just said straight out what they like on valentines day instead of wanting to be surprised/disappointed, its a day that means absolutely nothing and its the cause of so much crap in relationships its unreal

santana75

ladies the sense of entitlement being displayed in some of these posts is ugly. You sound like spoilt children throwing the dummy over the side of the cot. What day of the year is there were a man expects cards and chocolates and presents? I cant think of any. And honestly we wouldnt care if nobody bought us anything on our birthdays either. Think for yourselves and stop passively allowing Hallmark, magazines, newspapers, your friends, to tell you how things should be.
Grow up and stop looking for people to buy you things or treat you special or whatever. Its your job to look after yourselves and your needs, nobody elses.

LegacyUser

santana75 wrote: »

ladies the sense of entitlement being displayed in some of these posts is ugly. You sound like spoilt children throwing the dummy over the side of the cot. What day of the year is there were a man expects cards and chocolates and presents? I cant think of any. And honestly we wouldnt care if nobody bought us anything on our birthdays either. Think for yourselves and stop passively allowing Hallmark, magazines, newspapers, your friends, to tell you how things should be.
Grow up and stop looking for people to buy you things or treat you special or whatever. Its your job to look after yourselves and your needs, nobody elses.

No more uglier than your post. According to you, nobody should care about each other, every person for themselves. I can't think of a better way to keep the human race going, lol.

little red

to be honest i think its a bit silly to feel upset over this if he treats you well throughout the year and is always showing you how much he cares for you. If he doesn't then I can understand that you were expecting a bit more effort for valentines day. I would just let it go and not say anything to him. My bf wished me "happy valentines day" and that was enough for me cause I know he doesn't believe in valentines day and he is so good to me throughout the year. Unless i told him specifically to get me something i know he wouldn't think to.


also to the person who said she would dump her bf for not getting a card, that is an extreme reaction and there are obviously other issues if you think that is a dumpable offence.

LegacyUser

I understand where you are coming from - last year I had expected nothing more than a card from my fiance.

To show him how much I cared I got him lots of thoughtful gifts, some expensive, others funny like an actual potato in the shape of a love heart that I found a few days before. He got me nothing. I remember he made a mad dash to no less than 20 betting shops between 5.00pm and 6.30pm to get a number of bets on for a friend on a corrupt dog race - in fact he jumped when his friend asked him to do it. Yet he couldn't make it to one shop for a card for me....or even just make one on a post it note...that would have done me.

Anyway - this year for the 1st time in years (now that I am single) I worked in my parents pertrol station for the weekend. Now this is only a very small station/shop in a small village. I estimate we sold close to 3000 cards, 200 bunches of flowers (not all roses), 200 boxes of chocs and about 100 teddies/cuddly toys. Romance is very much alive! The majority of shoppers were men and they were all happy to be making the effort! It is the thought that counts.

I would be as annoyed as you are. It makes you think what ill things be like further down the road.

pfishfood

Youve been together two years and no valentines present or card - is he crazy. Its not a dumpable offense but its close to a public whipping. But seriously you should be a little peeved.

krudler

Luuccyy wrote: »

I understand where you are coming from - last year I had expected nothing more than a card from my fiance.

To show him how much I cared I got him lots of thoughtful gifts, some expensive, others funny like an actual potato in the shape of a love heart that I found a few days before. He got me nothing. I remember he made a mad dash to no less than 20 betting shops between 5.00pm and 6.30pm to get a number of bets on for a friend on a corrupt dog race - in fact he jumped when his friend asked him to do it. Yet he couldn't make it to one shop for a card for me....or even just make one on a post it note...that would have done me.

Anyway - this year for the 1st time in years (now that I am single) I worked in my parents pertrol station for the weekend. Now this is only a very small station/shop in a small village. I estimate we sold close to 3000 cards, 200 bunches of flowers (not all roses), 200 boxes of chocs and about 100 teddies/cuddly toys. Romance is very much alive! The majority of shoppers were men and they were all happy to be making the effort! It is the thought that counts.

I would be as annoyed as you are. It makes you think what ill things be like further down the road.

I'll stop you right there, its not romance when its forced upon you, and the majority of men see valentines as a pain in the arse, theres a mutual facial expession that every man knows, its when you're standing in front of the Valentines section of whatever shop, baffled by the array of cheesy crap thats on offer, and you'll catch the eye of another equally bemused boyfriend/husband/whatever and you'll both give this "load of bollocks isnt it?" look to each other, but something expensive then head away, knowing that if you dont you're liable to have your balls ripped off

Liam Byrne

A bunch of flowers on a random day because you're thinking of someone is a million times more meaningful than a day that you feel you're in the dog-house if you don't.

Girls, if you were with a guy who said "if you loved me, you'd have sex with me....and if you don't I'll dump you", would you be pissed off ?

If so, what's the difference between that and "if you loved me, you'd buy me an overpriced bunch of roses and a red piece of cardboard on a specific day....and if you don't I'll dump you" ?

Peggypeg

I have to say I think this thread is hilarious!! Nearly all the girls (me included) are like "no it hurts if you don't get anything on Valentines day" and the guys are all "oh no, made up holiday, blah, blah". What the guys don't seem to notice is the girls aren't defending Valentine's day, they're just saying they feel hurt if they get left out. I think so many fights could be avoided if guys just automatically get the girl he's with a card and she does the same. I can't believe how surprised guys are when the girl they're with is disappointed that on the biggest, (granted commercial and made up), most romantic day of the year, that the guy they're doesn't get them anything.

OP, tell your bf that you were disappointed and hurt and pissed that he didn't get you anything but he can make it up to you this weekend. Then tell him that if he does the same next year you'll be wearing his balls as earrings

Barracudaincork

Peggypeg wrote: »

I think so many fights could be avoided if guys just automatically get the girl he's with a card and she does the same.

I think many fights could be avoided if girls just automatically got over the fact they arent going to get a card on the most commerically romantic day of the year!

Why do guys have to think about the fact oh girls like this and girls dont have to think that guys dont like this? Surely if people are mature and old enough to be in a relationship, they dont need there romance or ways of expressing their feelings dictated by Hallmark etc?

Kimia

santana75 wrote: »

What day of the year is there were a man expects cards and chocolates and presents?

Check out March 14th then.

I don't think it's a huge thing to ask your boyfriend to show you that he loves you on Valentines day, especially if he knows that it would make you happy. Why is it such a big deal for them to remember? Surely if someone loves you they would like to make a fuss out of you? I love spoiling my bf although I wouldn't restrict it to V day!

Barracudaincork

Kimia wrote: »

Check out March 14th then.

They dont expect a card and chocolates that day, they expect steak and a blowjob! and i have yet to read any thread or hear of any guy upset over the fact that he didnt, like women are doing over Valentines.

shellyboo

Barracudaincork wrote: »

They dont expect a card and chocolates that day, they expect steak and a blowjob! and i have yet to read any thread or hear of any guy upset over the fact that he didnt, like women are doing over Valentines.

That's because it's not March 14th yet...

We all know it's a commercialised day, people. But so's Easter, so's Christmas, so's St Patrick's Day and so are birthdays. Everything is commercialised. Also, it's not a day chosen by card companies, it's a Saint's day. A holy day. Mother's Day, now THAT'S made up by card companies - I don't think there's *anyone* who'd deny their Mammy a card simply because it's a made-up day. It's just a nice gesture.

Men, you have two options: tell your OH in advance that you're not into it and stick to your principles, avoiding disappointing her; or just buy a feckin card. Don't like the commercial aspect? Make the card. Do something nice.

It's very mean to ignore something that means something to your OH to make some sort of point. If you feel *that* strongly about it, it should be something that's discussed in advance.

OP, I'd be disappointed too, but it's not the end of the world. Small chat - "I'm disappointed you didn't get me anything for Valentines, I didn't know you weren't into it - I would have really preferred you let me know in advance because I'd have been less upset that way". And then move on.

MelanieC

Isn't March 14th Mother's Day???
What's this "steak & a blow-job" stuff about?

Barracudaincork

shellyboo wrote: »

That's because it's not March 14th yet...

We all know it's a commercialised day, people. But so's Easter, so's Christmas, so's St Patrick's Day and so are birthdays. Everything is commercialised. Also, it's not a day chosen by card companies, it's a Saint's day. A holy day. Mother's Day, now THAT'S made up by card companies - I don't think there's *anyone* who'd deny their Mammy a card simply because it's a made-up day. It's just a nice gesture.

Men, you have two options: tell your OH in advance that you're not into it and stick to your principles, avoiding disappointing her; or just buy a feckin card. Don't like the commercial aspect? Make the card. Do something nice.

It's very mean to ignore something that means something to your OH to make some sort of point. If you feel *that* strongly about it, it should be something that's discussed in advance.

OP, I'd be disappointed too, but it's not the end of the world. Small chat - "I'm disappointed you didn't get me anything for Valentines, I didn't know you weren't into it - I would have really preferred you let me know in advance because I'd have been less upset that way". And then move on.

But there was a March 14th last year and the year before etc and there were no complains etc

So if its a saints day, why not go to mass and celebrate the saintly way, why the cards, flowers etc?

IMO i think the fact mothers day cards are bought is yet again because women like these kind of things, what about Fathers day? i think most of us know that a man wont care for a fathers day card as much as a woman will for mothers day. Hence there is less cards, hype etc over that day.

I agree men have two options, as do women!!

Re your points if someone feels that strong about it, i agree they need to have a serious chat with their partner, spelling out the implications of them ignoring the day and the effect it will have on their relationship (as we can see from this thread it does have an effect for those who it means so much too). If their partner doesnt care, then i think the least of the persons worries is a card.

I think your last paragraph sums it up nicely, esp the move on part!

seamus

shellyboo wrote: »

That's because it's not March 14th yet...

We all know it's a commercialised day, people. But so's Easter, so's Christmas, so's St Patrick's Day and so are birthdays. Everything is commercialised. Also, it's not a day chosen by card companies, it's a Saint's day. A holy day. Mother's Day, now THAT'S made up by card companies - I don't think there's *anyone* who'd deny their Mammy a card simply because it's a made-up day. It's just a nice gesture.

I don't buy mother's day cards. Pointless. In fact, overall I think cards are a waste of money unless you're not going to be seeing the person you're sending the card to. Why would you give a card to someone you're going to see and talk to?
Surely the point of a card is to illustrate that you're thinking of that person at that time, despite being very far away?

I think the problem here is the assumption that if you don't get your girlfriend something, then you don't love her. Which is ridiculous. Imagine if there was an international, "be nice to everyone day", and you happened to be in a bad mood that day. Do you think that people would automatically brand you as a horrible person just because you weren't nice on this one arbitrary day? No, of course not, because that would be moronic.

Basically here, if you haven't set ground rules then you can't complain. If you haven't said, "I would like you to get me something on Valentine's day", then you have no cause to go into a huff.

Christmas is different - we get presents for lots of people at Christmas, we're used to it, and if we don't subscribe to it, that is made clear to everyone early on. But at Valentine's there's only an expectation of a gift when we're in a relationship and only one person gets a gift.

I've been going out with my wife ten years, married six months. Yet I only thought about Valentine's day when she mentioned that she had my card. I had totally forgotten about the whole sham - not because I don't care about her, but because I don't care about Valentine's day.

Barracudaincork

MelanieC wrote: »

Isn't March 14th Mother's Day???
What's this "steak & a blow-job" stuff about?

You may get a million PM's re that question!!!!!

Steak and blow job day is exactly a month after Valentines day and men who had to celebrate Valentines day, get to have their own special romantic in their eyes day, by having steak and getting a blow job.

As for it being on the same date as Mothers day, its just a coincidence this year as Mothers day is always a sunday and therefore the dates change.

shellyboo

Barracudaincork wrote: »

So if its a saints day, why not go to mass and celebrate the saintly way, why the cards, flowers etc?

Could ask the same thing about Christmas. The point is - it's not a made-up holiday determined by card companies as someone said it was.

seamus wrote: »

I think the problem here is the assumption that if you don't get your girlfriend something, then you don't love her. Which is ridiculous.

I agree - it's not the be all and end all. But it's not just a throwaway mistake either... it's hurtful. And needs to be addressed.

seamus wrote: »

Christmas is different - we get presents for lots of people at Christmas, we're used to it, and if we don't subscribe to it, that is made clear to everyone early on. But at Valentine's there's only an expectation of a gift when we're in a relationship and only one person gets a gift.

Only one person gets a gift? Huh? Since when? Every woman I know buys their boyfriend a Valentine's card or gift. This Valentine's I cooked my boy a meal, he got me a box of chocolates all nicely wrapped with a lovely handmade flower on top. No crass commercialism, no cards in fact, no presents - we marked the day and that's the point. It's not about a piece of cardboard, it's the sentiment. And you're right about letting people know if you don't subscribe to a particular tradition... why should Valentine's be excluded?

seamus wrote: »

Basically here, if you haven't set ground rules then you can't complain. If you haven't said, "I would like you to get me something on Valentine's day", then you have no cause to go into a huff.

Agreed. And if you haven't told your partner, "I'm not into Valentines and therefore you won't be getting a present" you have no cause to be surprised when they get upset.

Barracudaincork

shellyboo wrote: »

Could ask the same thing about Christmas. The point is - it's not a made-up holiday determined by card companies as someone said it was.

True I agree with you there and like Valentines day Christmas has become so commerical the religious aspect is nearly forgotten about.

Your partner made you a handmade flower!!!! Wow, wow, wow sorry but that is worth the triple wow! You lucky ducky! You see thats a cool thing to do and less commerical, more personal etc

Imo the issue for some people isnt the fact that their partner forgot to get them a card etc its that their partner didnt "prove" to them how much they love them by doing what they did ie get them a card, pressie, good nice food etc etc I hear so many women giving out that their partner didnt get them anything, even though they bought their fella this that and the other, which tbh makes it sound like its less about the romance and more about what people expect from others based on what they do themselves.

shellyboo

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Your partner made you a handmade flower!!!! Wow, wow, wow sorry but that is worth the triple wow! You lucky ducky! You see thats a cool thing to do and less commerical, more personal etc

Yeah, he's a pet. Just a little origami one. We haven't been seeing eachother long so I was very delighted!

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Imo the issue for some people isnt the fact that their partner forgot to get them a card etc its that their partner didnt "prove" to them how much they love them by doing what they did ie get them a card, pressie, good nice food etc etc I hear so many women giving out that their partner didnt get them anything, even though they bought their fella this that and the other, which tbh makes it sound like its less about the romance and more about what people expect from others based on what they do themselves.

Totally agree, people invest too much significance in it... but it's still nice to make *some sort* of gesture. The whole "oh commercialism" ranting is just... mean. And I don't mean financially mean. How hard is it to just... do something nice? It shouldn't be this big drama in relationships, doing Valentine's, not doing Valentine's... it's supposed to be a fun, nice, loving day. Why all the fighting?

MelanieC

Barracudaincork wrote: »

You may get a million PM's re that question!!!!!

Steak and blow job day is exactly a month after Valentines day and men who had to celebrate Valentines day, get to have their own special romantic in their eyes day, by having steak and getting a blow job.

As for it being on the same date as Mothers day, its just a coincidence this year as Mothers day is always a sunday and therefore the dates change.

WOW!!!!
When and where did that come from?? I never in my life heard of that!! Luckily, don't think my OH has either & I sure as hell won't be telling him!!! :D:D

LegacyUser

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Why do guys have to think about the fact oh girls like this and girls dont have to think that guys dont like this? Surely if people are mature and old enough to be in a relationship, they dont need there romance or ways of expressing their feelings dictated by Hallmark etc?

And why do girls have to think about the fact that the man they're seeing might 'like it if I buy this small present', ''give him a back-rub because I know he likes it', buy him a six pack of beer to go along with the football match he's wathcing tonight' etc, etc.
Many girls go above and beyond the call of duty when they're dating a man-lots of planning and thinking ahead. Men (apart from those exceptional men who realise how much effort most women put into looking after their partners) just seem to take it day by day, and pretend that they 'didn't realise' they had to do x,y,z. Which is very tiresome, immature and juvenile. So it's a huge slap in the face on the one day when a man has to think of something he doesn't bother, claiming sudden stupidity or principles stopped him from getting his girlfriend anything.

I'm sure any man who says 'why all the effort?' wouldn't say the same if he was going for a job promotion, or trying to get tickets for his favourite team/band. If it's important to him, he'll make the effort. It's really not that difficult to understand why women get upset if they don't get something on Valentine's Day. Why would anyone want to see the person they love upset? That's the crux of it for many women, and that's the angle most women are coming from.

I think it's time men who think the day is a pile of trash stopped pretending that they don't know how important Valentines Day is for a lot of women. You can still carry on thinking it's a pile of trash, just let your loved one know how much you love them. Problem solved with precious principles still intact.

Ranting finished! Roll on 14th of March!

Barracudaincork

MelanieC wrote: »

WOW!!!!
When and where did that come from?? I never in my life heard of that!! Luckily, don't think my OH has either & I sure as hell won't be telling him!!! :D:D

Where all things commerical come from..................The US of A!! A good few years ago it came about and its growing in popularity!!

Hmmmmm cant help but wish i could telepathically tell Mr Melanie C about the date hee hee

santana75

I had to look up this March 14th business, is this new? Load of crap. Theres not a man alive who gives a toss about this, or fathers day.
I think the problem us men have with valentines day is the fact that a card company, the media, magazines, romance novels, movies, are trying to dictate to us when we should show how much we love our wives/girlfriends. If you ever wanna piss a man off just try and dictate to him when he should and shouldnt do something.
This debate could go on and on so I think we'll all just have to agree to disagree. Women think Valentines day is important. Men think its made up nonsense.

Boskowski

Seriously. Load of bollix.

Nearly had a stroke the other day when they were talking on the radio about coming into 'valentine's week'. wtf?
We all know it's totally made up. Made up by the industries, whatever, cards, flowers, chocolate, the shops. Made up by the media. Has to be. Few years ago nobody was talking about it. Its just another little booster for the turnover that's all there is to it. But of course the ladies are falling for it hook, line, sinker. Probably brainwashed to the hilt by their little magazines and tv shows where they go on about 'what to do for valentines'. My arse.

There'll be another stupid half-forgotten thing resurrected next that goes down the same route, little fkn christmas or something or godknowswhat. Don't you see it?

Sorry, had to be said.

And yes, I love her, and yes I bought her something 'cos its not worth the hassle. But honestly, that's how I think about it.

Dudess

If a guy forgets about/doesn't pay attention to Valentine's Day, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about her, it means he's not into Valentine's Day.

Beats feeling he has to acknowledge it because she'll get upset if he doesn't... unless she's cool with gifts and romantic gestures borne out of coercion.

Barracudaincork

santana75 wrote: »

I had to look up this March 14th business. Theres not a man alive who gives a toss about this

No not a toss, its another act that happens

Not all women think the day is important and not all men think its nonsense, i know both sexes who think the opposite to what you feel. I do think that those who do think its important realise it a commerical day but dont care, as they are materialistic anyhow so these kinda things suit them.

Sharlovesjohn

jellybean2010 wrote: »

ok. what would you do if your boyfriend of 3yrs didn't get u anything for valentines, promised to make it up to u the following day, didn't, promised to make it up the following weekend but went out with his mates instead. (haven't seen him since Valentines day BTW). Birthday in a couple of days, won't see him as he works away, so no pressie for me this birthday as he's on a lads weekend next weekend also.

Wow that seems like he's trying to avoid doing something for you?

this is an issue you seriously need to talk to him about Id be quite upset if my bf was here for valentines and not my bday yet didnt make the effort on either of the days (tho I have quite high standards regarding this as I always push the boat out for him I like to make him feel extra special and I like to recev it)

Sharlovesjohn

jellybean2010 wrote: »

me too, i buy champagne, cook dinner etc for his birthdays etc. I got him a card, all i wanted was a card for valentines day. he promised me all week he'd be home, he'd bring me a present for my birthday. Last year my birthday was on a tues and it was fri before i got anything from him. christmas time, he rang me up two days before xmas and said he mightn't get time to get me a present. just feel very unloved. my family and friends are telling me i need to give him a kick in the behind ie break up. but what if i do that and he agrees. s'pose i'll just have to cross that bridge when i get to it. at the moment i'm not replying to any messages he sends or phone calls. He's only sent one text asking how i am.
Cant talk to him bout stuff like this coz he'll just storm off. he hates talking about feelings or anything.

Hates talking about feelings? Your 3 years together for god sake if you cant talk about that then there is serious issues!
This boy sounds very immature - do you have good times together is it an equal relationship?

Barracudaincork

jellybean2010 wrote: »

me too, i buy champagne, cook dinner etc for his birthdays etc. I got him a card, all i wanted was a card for valentines day. he promised me all week he'd be home, he'd bring me a present for my birthday. Last year my birthday was on a tues and it was fri before i got anything from him. christmas time, he rang me up two days before xmas and said he mightn't get time to get me a present.

TBH from reading your post, it sounds like you only make a fuss so one is made in return for you, and when it itsnt your not happy. I could be wrong, but i also could be seeing it the way he sees it, which also could be wrong, but doesnt mean he doesnt see it like that.

Barracudaincork

jellybean2010 wrote: »

I actually hate him right now. :mad:

Really?!? then dump him and your worries are over and find someone you dont have to beg etc Someone who makes you feel good about stuff etc If you really hate him like you say then this should be easy enough, although still tinged with sadness of course.

Sharlovesjohn

jellybean2010 wrote: »

ah yeah, we have a brilliant laugh together when we're alone. but if there are people around we are like brother and sister, no holding hands or public displays of affection.

i agree he is very immature and seems to go out of his way to prove the point that i cannot tell him what to do, that i have no control over him. I don't want control over him at all, sometimes i'd like him to do things rather than be begged to do them (like buy me a valentines card and birthday present). He's just so thoughtless. I think he's gone a bit complacent, knows i love him. One thing that gets me is that he never minds putting me out, or hurting my feelings to avoid putting out mate or hurting anyone elses feelings.

I don't mind him going away with the lads, but when he promised me the sun moon and stars this weekend and then chose the lads, i was gutted. it was only when i rang him he told me he was changing his plans.


I actually hate him right now. :mad:

Wow he promised to make a weekend of it for your bday and then legs it off for the weekend instead with his mates for the second time in so many weeks! Have you said anything to him?! Whether or not he like talking about feelings put your foot down!

I don't think your going to get any where with this guy(But only you know that answer) Why put up with it because you love him? Love should come easy and not be a chore it takes two to work at a relationship and as far from what I can tell your doing all the work

I say end it - may be hard but get the girls around for the weekend go out and have a wonderful night dancing away then have a pampering night the following few dvds and some goodies youll soon forget something that had no reason to be remembered or missed!

MelanieC

You poor thing Jellybean. I know how you're feeling in a way coz my OH isn't overly fond of talking about feelings and stuff either and also has a habit of storming off in a sulk when we argue. It's very easy for posters on here then to say "oh that's so juvenile, leave him!" but often that's just that person's way of dealing with things and may change over time and commitment. I know my fella is getting a bit better (albeit at a snails pace!) :rolleyes:

What is more worrying is that he never seems to make any time for you or has any desire to. If he can't be bothered to make a fuss of you and put you above his friends on your birthday or on the most romantic day of the year, then he's really not ever going to do it on just your regular Tuesday, is he? I know our men can be thoughtless and immature sometimes but come on, enough is enough. :mad:

You're right, he's become totally complacent and takes it for granted that you'll always be there putting up with whatever he does. If I were you I would end it. Best case scenario it gives him a fright and lights a fire under him like your family say. If he realises what a selfish prat he's been then that's a result for you.

If he does agree and you break up for good then you'll know it was never going to work anyway and even though it will hurt, in the long run that will be a result for you too coz you can go on to find a lovely man who will treat you the way you want and the way you deserve.

Either way, I think ending it now will make you much happier in the longterm. Good luck. x

ash23

My ex was the most romatic and wonderful, thoughtful, generous man when we got together first. Weekends away, presents, flowers etc.

After a few years his interest in impressing me dwindled. Because his interest in me dwindled. It got to the point where he wouldn't make me a cup of tea without huffing and puffing about it.

I should have realised something was up when I got a boquet of 2 dozen red roses delivered on our 5th anniversary. I was gobsmacked and thrilled and in my element.
A few months later I realised that there was method in the madness. Basically he'd been screwing around behind my back and had decided that he was going to give it a go with me. Of course I was oblivious to this "last chance saloon" behaviour. I can assure you that had I known those roses would have been shoved where the sun don't shine.

Anyway, needless to say we didn't make it to our 6th anniversary though he is approaching his 2nd anniversary with the woman he left me for :rolleyes:

Roses, cards etc...it's all BS. If a guy gives you his time and his consideration and treats you well then flowers and chocolates aren't necessary. If a guy treats you like crap all year round and is a thoughtless, selfish sh1t, then all the flowers in the world on valentines day won't mean jack.

Personally, roses scare me now