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Advantages of Being a Man

The Pontiac · 2010-02-07 19:19:27

I'm sure a few more could be added to the list too. Plenty of advantages of being a women too, I'm sure..

07-02-2010 7:19pm

#1

The Pontiac

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I'm sure a few more could be added to the list too. Plenty of advantages of being a women too, I'm sure..

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Advantages of Being a Man [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.

[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
Foreplay is optional.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Car mechanics tell you the truth.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] The world is your urinal.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Same work ... more pay.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Wrinkles add character.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] If you retain water, it's in a canteen.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One mood, ALL the damn time.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can open all your own jars.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can go to a public toilet without a support group.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can leave the motel bed unmade.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can kill your own food.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Everything on your face stays its original color.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You almost never have strap problems in public.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You don't have to shave below your neck.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Your belly usually hides your big hips.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes[/FONT]

5

Comments

#2 07-02-2010 7:21pm

Fago!

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Come out already OP. You seem to have a fetish for men.

Also who the hell can open a jar of Jam by themselves?

0
#3 07-02-2010 7:22pm

Hank_Jones

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Can piss standing up.

0
#4 07-02-2010 7:22pm

candlegrease

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Nobody secretly wonders whether you spit or swallow.

0
#5 07-02-2010 7:23pm

pokerface_me

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Having a willy is fun

0
#6 07-02-2010 7:24pm

rednik

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Watch a film without asking a question or questions.
Reverse a car into a space quickly.

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#7 07-02-2010 7:24pm

wylo

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If your a slut you gain respect.

0
#8 07-02-2010 7:25pm

Holmer

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No monthly cycle.

*waits for counter thread*

0
#9 07-02-2010 7:25pm

OutlawPete

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candlegrease wrote: »

Nobody secretly wonders whether you spit or swallow.

They wonder if you suck and flick your tongue at the same time though

0
#10 07-02-2010 7:27pm

SadieSue

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You can scratch your junk in public.

0
#11 07-02-2010 7:27pm

Hank_Jones

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You don't have to get up three hours before work to do your make up.

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#12 07-02-2010 7:28pm

wylo

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you can get caught checking out the opposite sex and not care.

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#13 07-02-2010 7:29pm

drunkmonkey

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when you fart people laugh

0
#14 07-02-2010 7:30pm

bazmaiden

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Don't have to bear children

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#15 07-02-2010 7:31pm

Blazer

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Grey hair is distinguished aka George Clooney, Sean Connery etc
Bald Men are sexy aka Patrick Stewart.

No bald chick is good looking no matter what the magazines say

0
#16 07-02-2010 7:31pm

OutlawPete

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Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

No, but if you have tits, you screwed.

Your last name stays put.

Maybe, but if there's a Divorce YOU won't.

The garage is all yours.

True, but the f**king house isn't!

0
#17 07-02-2010 7:32pm

R0ot

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Hank_Jones wrote: »

Can piss standing up.

Unfortunately not viable any more since this:

http://losu.org/wp-content/media/2007/01/package.gif :pac:

0
#18 07-02-2010 7:36pm

Hank_Jones

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Scar_L wrote: »

No bald chick is good looking no matter what the magazines say

I beg to differ.

http://deceiver.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/natalie-portman-bald.jpg

0
#19 07-02-2010 7:37pm

wylo

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Hank_Jones wrote: »

I beg to differ.

http://deceiver.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/natalie-portman-bald.jpg

naaa, even there you have good looks ruined with a shaved head

0
#20 07-02-2010 7:38pm

bazmaiden

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Your ass is never a factor in a job interview

unless you are auditioning to be a porn star:D

0
#21 07-02-2010 7:39pm

karlog

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You cant get knocked up

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#22 07-02-2010 7:40pm

Captain Chaos

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You can get ready for a night out in 20mins or less.

0
#23 07-02-2010 7:52pm

mikom

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Now you're a man
A man, man man
Now you're a man
A manny manny man
A man man man
You are now a man
You're a man
Now you're a man

Live it, Live it

What make a man?
Is it the woman in his arms?
Just cause she has big titties?
Or is it the way he fights every day?
....No, it's probably the titties

0
#24 07-02-2010 7:58pm

Fago!

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mikom wrote: »

Now you're a man
A man, man man
Now you're a man
A manny manny man
A man man man
You are now a man
You're a man
Now you're a man

What are you trying to say?

0
#25 07-02-2010 8:02pm

blinding

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Some food

Some beer

Some sex

Leaves a large amount of men well satisfied.

0
#26 07-02-2010 8:21pm

super_furry

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The world is your toilet.

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#27 07-02-2010 8:32pm

Son Of A Vidic

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We can run and piss at the same time
We can walk and piss at the same time
We can 'cup' and enjoy a fart without shame
Hey, who said we can't multi-task!

0
#28 07-02-2010 8:45pm

stovelid

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Short-term prediction:

Copycat female-themed thread opened.

Both merged.

Suddenly closed.

0
#29 07-02-2010 8:47pm

Midnight_EG

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Whenever I'm trying to crack a bolt, I always utter righty tighty lefty loosey!

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#30 07-02-2010 8:48pm

strobe

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Multiple orgasms = Girls win the "who got the long end of the stick" debate.

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#31 07-02-2010 9:02pm

CrazyRabbit

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Raping women is soo much more fun if you are a guy.

(Ok, I'm going to hell for that one).

0
#32 07-02-2010 9:07pm

bazmaiden

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CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Raping women is soo much more fun if you are a guy.

(Ok, I'm going to hell for that one).

But to heaven beforehand:eek:

0
#33 07-02-2010 9:50pm

corglass

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bazmaiden wrote: »

But to heaven beforehand:eek:

Thats over the top even for AH!

0
#34 07-02-2010 10:28pm

Columbia

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You can tuck your penis between your legs and impersonate a woman.

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#35 07-02-2010 10:37pm

The Pontiac

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Columbia wrote: »

You can tuck your penis between your legs and impersonate a woman.

Did you ever consider the op? :pac:

0
#36 07-02-2010 10:39pm

Thomas828

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You can walk past a building site and never get any wolf-whistles or off-colour comments from the workers.

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#37 07-02-2010 10:41pm

Thomas828

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CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Raping women is soo much more fun if you are a guy.

(Ok, I'm going to hell for that one).

I should think so. You should know rape is nothing to joke about. Shame on you!

0
#38 07-02-2010 10:42pm

bazmaiden

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only real men get man flu

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#39 07-02-2010 10:43pm

Midnight_EG

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Thomas828 wrote: »

I should think so. You should know rape is nothing to joke about. Shame on you!

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape :pac:

0
#40 07-02-2010 10:54pm

one-angry-dwarf

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Thomas828 wrote: »

I should think so. You should know rape is nothing to joke about. Shame on you!

True. rape is no laughing matter*

*unless you're raping a clown.

0
#41 07-02-2010 10:55pm

Thomas828

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Midnight_EG wrote: »

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape :pac:

Ugh! I'm off! I'm disgusted! I know this is "After Hours" but your humour sickens me.

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#42 07-02-2010 10:56pm

ItSheepDawg

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Amen.

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#43 07-02-2010 11:08pm

thetonynator

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Midnight_EG wrote: »

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape :pac:

Thats taking it waaayyyyyyy too far . . .

0
#44 07-02-2010 11:09pm

Midnight_EG

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Thomas828 wrote: »

Ugh! I'm off! I'm disgusted! I know this is "After Hours" but your humour sickens me.

thetonynator wrote: »

Thats taking it waaayyyyyyy too far . . .

Some people clearly haven't experienced the internet!

0
#45 07-02-2010 11:10pm

The Master

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No more rape jokes please folks

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#46 07-02-2010 11:20pm

Dudess

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Future-predicting skills:

stovelid wrote: »

Short-term prediction:

Copycat female-themed thread opened.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055821834

0
#47 07-02-2010 11:34pm

Creamy Goodness

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we actually make for funny comedians.

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#48 07-02-2010 11:37pm

IvySlayer

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Creamy Goodness wrote: »

we actually make for funny comedians.

Katherine Lynch Jo Brand Victoria Wood

He's right! Apart from Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French.

0
#49 07-02-2010 11:52pm

Quandary

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Our underwear lasts us until we cant tell which holes are for the legs.

We find great humor in the simple pleasures - farts, people falling, monkeys, etc etc...

We can have an opinion on whats wrong with our car without being laughed at!

We know where the fog lights button is and when our fog lights are on!

We're usually perfectly warm when sitting at room temperature.

We're immune to changes in fashion trends ie that 10 year old pair of jeans & converse runners still look awesome!

Most of us have significantly better dexterity when it comes to throwing or catching.

0
#50 07-02-2010 11:54pm

Midnight_EG

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Quandary wrote: »

Most of us have significantly better dexterity when it comes to throwing or catching.

Yet we always look retarded when we throw with our left hand :rolleyes:

0
#51 07-02-2010 11:57pm

Quandary

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Midnight_EG wrote: »

Yet we always look retarded when we throw with our left hand :rolleyes:

Thats ok though because we're able to tell which hand is our left & make sure never to throw with it

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