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AskYerMa

Hi

I posted a question on this a long time ago , bit of background on it.i am male in my mid 20's, in a relationship for 6 yrs.. but my sex life is completley boring.. My Gf has no sex drive at all where as i have a really high one, Feels like she has zero interest in me, im decent looking i think??? and keep myself very fit, play alot of ball, go to the gym etc.. anyway ive metioned it a few times.. like saying why dont u even buy some lingere or something but i was told " why should i... go and buy it your self " Ive sex twice in the last 2 months..
We do both work long hours but to be honest i dont think thats the problem as our sex life has never been " electric " I also appriciate that she could be stressed about money etc.. but i do support her finacially when i have to with out any issue.. so i dont think its that either
I gave up trying it on with her, there's only so many knock backs and rejections a fella can take! So to be honest i just dont bother with her anymore.. and she seems fine with that coz she knows id sleep with her anytime and anywhere coz im up for anything but never shows an interest..

Ive stayed with this girl for yrs coz shes a lovely person deep down and I do love her thats what matters... right?? Well so i though but im begining to get fairly pissed off, Ive never cheated in 6 yrs, and im proud of that, i dont believe in it but im seriously thinking about it now, i've become friendly with another girl,, she knows the whole story and knows how misearble i am.. and i could prob sleep with her. shes not a skank or anything like it before you all jump in and say it.....

Why dont we i just split up i know your all gonna say... Its not quite that easy.. we bought an apartment a few yrs ago and are in massive negitave equity at the moment so thats a huge problem and also alot of our friends are common which would make life very difficult.. but im really thinking about leaving now.. i just cant hack the no sex... Its making me miserable beyond belief..

Any advice / feedback very welcome...

mood

I can understand why you are so unhappy. This is far from right for a young couple. Are there any other problems in the relationship that may be at the root of this?

If not and your girlfriend is not willing to work on this you have a decision to make.

I don't think cheating is the answer and will make the situation worse.

You need to talk to her about it.

AskYerMa

I dont know of any other problems, i have lost interset in her completely now because of the sex or lack of.. I have tried a few things.. Arround August i decided we should go on hols. We wernt going to as money is a bit tight but i said **** it... and put it on my credit card.. thats didn't really make much odds, we did have a bit of sex but it felt like we only did coz she felt she had too.. Then i decided to have a date day, like do something nice together once a week, ( our days off can vary ) but that didnt last long either..

Your dead right, its niot right for a young couple.. I mean like my friends tell me about what there GF's do for them etc and i just have to sit there noddin' and pretending.. and wishing that i had some excitment and fun like that in mylife.. i know cheating isnt the answer really but something has to give here... its killing me..

LeixlipRed

You didn't mention once in your whole message trying to talk to her about it. Trying it on doesn't count. 6 years together, ask her what's wrong, if anything.

Peggypeg

Hey,

It's never ok to cheat. If you're in an unhappy relationship then be a man and get out of it, don't turn into a slimy little cheating scumbag and sorry to break it to you but this other girl IS a skank if she's willing to sleep with you when she knows you have a girlfried. My advice: Tell your girlfriend you are extremely unhappy with the situation, see what she says, if you two break up yeah the apartment could be hassle but that does't excuse you staying in a relationship and cheating. Cop on, grow up, be a man.

AskYerMa

LeixlipRed wrote: »

You didn't mention once in your whole message trying to talk to her about it. Trying it on doesn't count. 6 years together, ask her what's wrong, if anything.

i have tried numerous times to talk to her, till im blue in the face but it just ends in a row.... " u should like me the way i am" or " go find someone who will sleep with you 7 times a day " is what im told... sure i even suggested would u not buy some lingere or something and i was told.. " why should i.. why dont you buy it " what do you say to that.. i just said i feel it kind of ruins the elemnt of suprise if i buy it myself.... which is reasonable i think

mood

AskYerMa wrote: »

I dont know of any other problems, i have lost interset in her completely now because of the sex or lack of.. I have tried a few things.. Arround August i decided we should go on hols. We wernt going to as money is a bit tight but i said **** it... and put it on my credit card.. thats didn't really make much odds, we did have a bit of sex but it felt like we only did coz she felt she had too.. Then i decided to have a date day, like do something nice together once a week, ( our days off can vary ) but that didnt last long either..

Your dead right, its niot right for a young couple.. I mean like my friends tell me about what there GF's do for them etc and i just have to sit there noddin' and pretending.. and wishing that i had some excitment and fun like that in mylife.. i know cheating isnt the answer really but something has to give here... its killing me..

All the 'I decided' sounds like you haven't talked to her about it at all. There are two people in this relationship and you should make decisions together i.e. ideas on how to improve the relationship and your sex life. When I say 'your' I mean both of yours. You seem to be focusing on your needs.

You have to discuss this with her and be honest and tell her how unhappy you are.

And I agree the other girl is a skank if she sleeps with you knowing you have a live in girlfriend.

ManOfMystery

I see where you're coming from, have been in a similar situation myself. If your girlfriend is unwilling to even entertain the idea of compromising with you or admitting there may be an underlying issue, then you'll have to decide whether this relationship is for you or not.

As above, cheating is not the answer and will only introduce a further negative element into a situation which is going downhill. Sort this out first, and if you end up single or split up, you can go out then and have as much sex as you can manage if that's your thing.

AskYerMa

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey,

It's never ok to cheat. If you're in an unhappy relationship then be a man and get out of it, don't turn into a slimy little cheating scumbag and sorry to break it to you but this other girl IS a skank if she's willing to sleep with you when she knows you have a girlfried. My advice: Tell your girlfriend you are extremely unhappy with the situation, see what she says, if you two break up yeah the apartment could be hassle but that does't excuse you staying in a relationship and cheating. Cop on, grow up, be a man.

I know its never ok to cheat.. i said i havent in 6 yrs.. and that its just not me.. no offence but that appartment is a major concern to me.. its just a hassle! Its a 1800e a month mortgage on a 400K apartment which is now worth about 250K if i was lucky to be able to sell.. Wouldnt i be a real man if i just upped and left, handed back the keys to the bank and destroyed BOTH our credit ratings.. that the easy way out isnt it.. Real manly!! Im only staying beause i feel ive no choice!!!

mood

IF you break up you could rent it out until prices go up again then sell.

But if you talk maybe even go to couple counseling it might not come to that.

You need to decide if you even want to work things out because it doesn't sound like you do. Also I think your girlfriend sounds unhappy too.

AskYerMa

mood wrote: »

All the 'I decided' sounds like you haven't talked to her about it at all. There are two people in this relationship and you should make decisions together i.e. ideas on how to improve the relationship and your sex life. When I say 'your' I mean both of yours. You seem to be focusing on your needs.

You have to discuss this with her and be honest and tell her how unhappy you are.

And I agree the other girl is a skank if she sleeps with you knowing you have a live in girlfriend.

Well when i say i decided, i mean i suggested ideas to her , just ideas of spending more time together, doing things that are fun..

In fairness to the other girl..she knows what im in is not a relationship, its far from it... but i agree that sleeping with someone else is not the answer..

Peggypeg

AskYerMa wrote: »

I know its never ok to cheat.. i said i havent in 6 yrs.. and that its just not me.. no offence but that appartment is a major concern to me.. its just a hassle! Its a 1800e a month mortgage on a 400K apartment which is now worth about 250K if i was lucky to be able to sell.. Wouldnt i be a real man if i just upped and left, handed back the keys to the bank and destroyed BOTH our credit ratings.. that the easy way out isnt it.. Real manly!! Im only staying beause i feel ive no choice!!!

Oh poor you, well if that's the case of course it's ok to cheat on your girlfriend!!! Listen Mr, cop on, cheating isn't going to get you out of a E1800 a month mortgage (unless you're a particularly successful rentboy). And the sarcasm is just pathetic, I didn't suggest you destroy your credit ratings, I was thinking something a little more mature, maybe she moves out and you get a couple of lodgers in to help with the mortgage etc. It's not your fault that you got f*cked over by the property disaster and I do genuinely feel for you in that area but cheating isn't going to solve ANY of your problems, it'll just make them worse, that's why I'm telling you to cop on, grow up and be a man because right now you just sound like a slimy little toad. Not happy with your life? Then f*cking change it, don't act like a scumbag and then give excuses. The decision is up to you.

AskYerMa

mood wrote: »

IF you break up you could rent it out until prices go up again then sell.

But if you talk maybe even go to couple counseling it might not come to that.

You need to decide if you even want to work things out because it doesn't sound like you do. Also I think your girlfriend sounds unhappy too.

Thought about renting but the rental value wont cover the mortgage by a long shot, plus i need somewhere to live!!!!!

I do want it to work.. ive tried dozens of things.. including talking , you name it ive tried it.. I do love her, and as i said shes the most kind and caring person in the world.. but is it asking too much to have a normal healthy sex life where u feel the other person actually wants you??

AskYerMa

Peggypeg wrote: »

Oh poor you, well if that's the case of course it's ok to cheat on your girlfriend!!! Listen Mr, cop on, cheating isn't going to get you out of a E1800 a month mortgage (unless you're a particularly successful rentboy). And the sarcasm is just pathetic, I didn't suggest you destroy your credit ratings, I was thinking something a little more mature, maybe she moves out and you get a couple of lodgers in to help with the mortgage etc. It's not your fault that you got f*cked over by the property disaster and I do genuinely feel for you in that area but cheating isn't going to solve ANY of your problems, it'll just make them worse, that's why I'm telling you to cop on, grow up and be a man because right now you just sound like a slimy little toad. Not happy with your life? Then f*cking change it, don't act like a scumbag and then give excuses. The decision is up to you.

Thats a bit harsh.. im far from a slimy little toad thanks!!! u dont know one bit about me or what i do apart fromt the situation im discussing here so ease up on the abuse!!! Can I stress again that I have NEVER cheated in 6 yrs... there is not a lot of blokes thats can honselty say that.. I have also thought about renting a room too but unfortunatly my work doesnt really allow for that, i work day shifts and night shifts, 7 days a week. I've exhausted every avenue i can think of and i really cant see a way out.. Its easy for you to say not happy with something then just change it..

Peggypeg

AskYerMa wrote: »

is it asking too much to have a normal healthy sex life where u feel the other person actually wants you??

No that definately is not too much to ask, it's a very important part of a relationship and it's also important for your own self esteem. Be honest now, does it feel like you're living with a friend? Because that's what it sounds like to me, that very feeling is what prompted me to end a long term relationship (best thing I ever did). I can see that you feel very trapped but sometimes things work out better than you expect. I think you really need to look at your options here and then tell your gf exactly how you feel, tell her you can't continue in a loveless relationship and things either change or you are both going to have to split. Also don't forget that she will owe the mortgage too so it's not that you'll have to deal with that alone, MABS may be able to advise you both.

Glad you seem to realise that cheating isn't going to do you any good.

Peggypeg

AskYerMa wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh.. im far from a slimy little toad thanks!!! u dont know one bit about me or what i do apart fromt the situation im discussing here so ease up on the abuse!!! Can I stress again that I have NEVER cheated in 6 yrs... there is not a lot of blokes thats can honselty say that.. I have also thought about renting a room too but unfortunatly my work doesnt really allow for that, i work day shifts and night shifts, 7 days a week. I've exhausted every avenue i can think of and i really cant see a way out.. Its easy for you to say not happy with something then just change it..

I didn't call you a slimey little toad, I said right now you sound like one, what do you expect when you come on here trying to see if you can justify cheating on your gf of 6 years? And don't patting yourself on the back for not cheating, that's like patting yourself on the back for not being a rapist or thief or blackmailer etc. I'm not saying you're a bad guy, i do feel for you coz you're obviously feeling kinda trapped, HOWEVER, I did want you to see that the course of action you were contemplating would turn you into the type of guy you seem so proud not to be. So there you go, you are not a slimey little toad, ok?

And yeah it is easy for me to say not happy with your life just change it. You know why? Coz I did, I found myself in a situation similar to yours, only there was also a sick child to added into the mix so I feel yeah I can say that. I did it, granted not in a recession but then you don't have a child with cancer to consider so it all kinda works out really. You can do whatever you decide you want to.

AskYerMa

Peggypeg... Sorry for being sarky with you.. its the frustration..!!!
If soomeone offerd me a cup of tea at the moment id probally take the head off them!!! Plus ive never really discussed this before!!

Its not even that were living as friends, we actually barely talk any more, were civil to one another, thats as far as it goes.. I try and spend as little time at home now as possible!! I guess u can say i've given up at this stage.. i suppose there is only one thing to do really.......

AskYerMa

Peggypeg wrote: »

And don't patting yourself on the back for not cheating, that's like patting yourself on the back for not being a rapist or thief or blackmailer etc. QUOTE]

Ha ha ... thats made me smile!!!!:D Your right tho!!!

I dunno, i'll come up with something, i always do!!!

Peggypeg

Now, there you see, that's more like it!!! A bit of fighting spirit is what you need at the moment. I know you're feeling trapped and I know how that feels when you just can't see a way out and I do feel for you. But believe me sweetie, these situations always get easier to deal with once you actually start dealing with them. I do think things need to come to a head with your gf though, if it's handled right then you could possibly either give it another go or break up and still be civil. It sounds to me that she might be feeling just as trapped as you though, you really need to get some communication going.

How Strange

Peggypeg wrote: »

Oh poor you, well if that's the case of course it's ok to cheat on your girlfriend!!! Listen Mr, cop on, cheating isn't going to get you out of a E1800 a month mortgage (unless you're a particularly successful rentboy). And the sarcasm is just pathetic, I didn't suggest you destroy your credit ratings, I was thinking something a little more mature, maybe she moves out and you get a couple of lodgers in to help with the mortgage etc. It's not your fault that you got f*cked over by the property disaster and I do genuinely feel for you in that area but cheating isn't going to solve ANY of your problems, it'll just make them worse, that's why I'm telling you to cop on, grow up and be a man because right now you just sound like a slimy little toad. Not happy with your life? Then f*cking change it, don't act like a scumbag and then give excuses. The decision is up to you.

Jebus Peggypeg, go easy.

How Strange

OP, somehow you need to get it across to your gf that this situation is not good for your relationship. You both need to talk about it as adults because there's alot at stake for both of you if this relationship breaks down.

AskYerMa

How Strange wrote: »

OP, somehow you need to get it across to your gf that this situation is not good for your relationship. You both need to talk about it as adults because there's alot at stake for both of you if this relationship breaks down.

Tried talking mate... just ends up in a row!!!!

Peggypeg

I know this might be a silly idea but could you write her a letter? Sometimes it's much easier for someone to listen to the hard truth when it's written down and they can read it themselves and take some time over it.

AskYerMa

Peggypeg wrote: »

I know this might be a silly idea but could you write her a letter? Sometimes it's much easier for someone to listen to the hard truth when it's written down and they can read it themselves and take some time over it.

Not a bad idea .....

mood

AskYerMa wrote: »

Peggypeg... Sorry for being sarky with you.. its the frustration..!!!
If soomeone offerd me a cup of tea at the moment id probally take the head off them!!! Plus ive never really discussed this before!!

Its not even that were living as friends, we actually barely talk any more, were civil to one another, thats as far as it goes.. I try and spend as little time at home now as possible!! I guess u can say i've given up at this stage.. i suppose there is only one thing to do really.......

Ok you say about you never really discussed it before. You need to change this and really, really talk to the girl. If you really want to save the relationship go to couple counselling.

Also spending as little time as possible at home is probably making it worse. Maybe she thinks you are cheating already. Maybe she is depressed. Maybe she is on medication that affect her sex drive. Maybe her pill doesn't suit her. I not making excuses for her but there are a lot of possible causes/issues you have may not have thought of and only talking to her will reveal it.

If you do have no choice but to break up you could rent out the apt and rent a room in a shared house each so you would have money to top up the mortgage. You will find a why if this is how it goes.

AskYerMa

mood wrote: »

Ok you say about you never really discussed it before. You need to change this and really, really talk to the girl. If you really want to save the relationship go to couple counselling.

Also spending as little time as possible at home is probably making it worse. Maybe she thinks you are cheating already. Maybe she is depressed. Maybe she is on medication that affect her sex drive. Maybe her pill doesn't suit her. I not making excuses for her but there are a lot of possible causes/issues you have may not have thought of and only talking to her will reveal it.

Wouldnt be into the whole councelling thing TBH, no offence but its a bit Dr.Phil for me!!!

She is on the pill yeah but it was always kinda like this from the start before she was on the pill, Ive asked her is it me or is it something i do in bed etc and she just says no!!! Believe u me mate, ive tried the talking route!!!

mood

Well if your not willing to talk or go to counselling the only option is break up. It's your choice.

AskYerMa

mood wrote: »

Well if your not willing to talk or go to counselling the only option is break up. It's your choice.

Ive tried the talking....


Your prob right about the other option...

Peggypeg

Hey Sweetie, It's hard coming to the realisation that a relationship is over. Don't go off half cocked though, stop and have a think about what you really, really, want. If you want out then I say go for it, if you want to try one more time then I say go for it but try to figure out what it is you really want before you do anything.

reprazant

Peggypeg wrote: »

Oh poor you, well if that's the case of course it's ok to cheat on your girlfriend!!! Listen Mr, cop on, cheating isn't going to get you out of a E1800 a month mortgage (unless you're a particularly successful rentboy). And the sarcasm is just pathetic, I didn't suggest you destroy your credit ratings, I was thinking something a little more mature, maybe she moves out and you get a couple of lodgers in to help with the mortgage etc. It's not your fault that you got f*cked over by the property disaster and I do genuinely feel for you in that area but cheating isn't going to solve ANY of your problems, it'll just make them worse, that's why I'm telling you to cop on, grow up and be a man because right now you just sound like a slimy little toad. Not happy with your life? Then f*cking change it, don't act like a scumbag and then give excuses. The decision is up to you.

No need to get abusive when somebody doesn't agree with your advice.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Oh poor you, well if that's the case of course it's ok to cheat on your girlfriend!!! Listen Mr, cop on, cheating isn't going to get you out of a E1800 a month mortgage (unless you're a particularly successful rentboy). And the sarcasm is just pathetic, I didn't suggest you destroy your credit ratings, I was thinking something a little more mature, maybe she moves out and you get a couple of lodgers in to help with the mortgage etc. It's not your fault that you got f*cked over by the property disaster and I do genuinely feel for you in that area but cheating isn't going to solve ANY of your problems, it'll just make them worse, that's why I'm telling you to cop on, grow up and be a man because right now you just sound like a slimy little toad. Not happy with your life? Then f*cking change it, don't act like a scumbag and then give excuses. The decision is up to you.

Sorry Peggy but in one your posts you said your bf cheated on you and you stayed with him, so why the name calling and insults. Lay off the OP he has already said he doesn't condone cheating. As with your other post you are quick to insult the girl in the scenario who is the one that is NOT in the relationship. You sound like such a hypocrite. Would you describe your bf as a slimy little toad, a scumbag etc? The guy has stuck with this girl 6 years and has not cheated and doesn't intend on doing so, credit where credit is due.

Barracudaincork

If you have tried talking and it only ends up in a row then i think you need to decide what you want in life, as i dont beleive this situation will change. So you need to decide if you want to stay with someone you care about so much but have a sexless life or you give all that up to meet someone else where you will hopefully care about them the same amount and be able to show how you feel sexually to.

I have been in the same position as you OP and i choose to go and i havent looked back.

Peggypeg

reprazant wrote: »

No need to get abusive when somebody doesn't agree with your advice.

What you call abuse I call being honest. I call a spade a spade.

Barracudaincork

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey Sweetie, It's hard coming to the realisation that a relationship is over. Don't go off half cocked though, stop and have a think about what you really, really, want. If you want out then I say go for it, if you want to try one more time then I say go for it but try to figure out what it is you really want before you do anything.

Nicely said Peggypeg

Peggypeg

confusedmuch? wrote: »

Sorry Peggy but in one your posts you said your bf cheated on you and you stayed with him, so why the name calling and insults. Lay off the OP he has already said he doesn't condone cheating. As with your other post you are quick to insult the girl in the scenario who is the one that is NOT in the relationship. You sound like such a hypocrite. Would you describe your bf as a slimy little toad, a scumbag etc? The guy has stuck with this girl 6 years and has not cheated and doesn't intend on doing so, credit where credit is due.

Eh no I didn't, none of my boyfriends have ever cheated on me, well not since I was about 14 anyway. Cut and paste said comment please. I really think you need to read this entire thread from the beginning coz you're missing the point somewhere. Also if you're not a moderator don't tell me off like you are one.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Eh no I didn't, none of my boyfriends have ever cheated on me, well not since I was about 14 anyway. Cut and paste said comment please. I really think you need to read this entire thread from the beginning coz you're missing the point somewhere. Also if you're not a moderator don't tell me off like you are one.

Eh I believe the term u used was "fat hairy burd", so now because i'm disagreeing with you im a moderator, you're so rude and arrongant to people that dont heed your advice.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Eh no I didn't, none of my boyfriends have ever cheated on me, well not since I was about 14 anyway. Cut and paste said comment please. I really think you need to read this entire thread from the beginning coz you're missing the point somewhere. Also if you're not a moderator don't tell me off like you are one.

Hey OP,

Went through that 3 months into the relationship I'm in now. I'm with him 3 years now and we're still madly in love. So anyway yeah 3 month's in OH dumps me on a Thursday (by text) and sleeps with a fat hairy burd on the Saturday. I played it real cool, he had a party and asked was I still going and I was like "ah yeah, a party's a party, no hard feelings, we'll still be friends". So went to the party, had a good time with my mates and had a couple of chats with him, played it all really cool. In fact, I felt nervous as ****. Anywho, within 2 weeks he was back to me telling me he'd just freaked because he really liked me and panicked. I let him grovel for a couple weeks then dragged him to bed and rocked his world. 3 years later and here we are with a really solid relationship.

My point is this, he's already made it well known he has an aversion t

As you requested.

Peggypeg

confusedmuch wrote: »

Eh I believe the term u used was "fat hairy burd", so now because i'm disagreeing with you im a moderator, you're so rude and arrongant to people that dont heed your advice.

Don't quote me unless you're going to do it accurately, my current boyfriend broke up with me 3 months into the relationship to sleep with said fat hairy bird, that is not cheating, I did give him another chance and very glad I did too. Read my actual threads, I didn't call you a moderator I told you not to talk to me like you are one, which you're not. If you have a problem with my posts then report me.

What you call rude and arrogant I call being honest and telling it like it is. I'm not going to sugar coat it, if someone is suggesting cheating on their partner I will tell them they sound scummy and I'll mean it too.

Now I'm not going to answer you anymore, I think it's kinda pathetic that you're going unreg to nit-pick my posts, i think I can guess who you are and let me just say that is beyond pathetic.

The Recliner

Peggypeg wrote: »

Eh no I didn't, none of my boyfriends have ever cheated on me, well not since I was about 14 anyway. Cut and paste said comment please. I really think you need to read this entire thread from the beginning coz you're missing the point somewhere. Also if you're not a moderator don't tell me off like you are one.

Peggypeg I approved the post you were quoting, they weren't telling you off like they were a moderator, I wouldn't ahve approved it if they were, they were to use your own words:

Peggypeg wrote: »

What you call abuse I call being honest. I call a spade a spade.

And they were doing the same

Can people please calm down

Peggypeg

The Recliner wrote: »

Peggypeg I approved the post you were quoting, they weren't telling you off like they were a moderator, I wouldn't ahve approved it if they were, they were to use your own words:



And they were doing the same

Can people please calm down

That's fair enough Recliner. I'm getting wound up because I suspect that confusedmuch is in fact a different person that I've had a couple of disagreements with and I think she's going upregged to specifically nit-pick my posts, which is both cowardly and pathetic. I won't be responding to them anymore though so the matter should be over now.

jenga-jen

OP just gonna side step the stuff above and ask you: if your gf's sex drive came back in the morning, would you be happy? Honestly?

Do you think you still genuinely love her OR is the sexless setup just a symptom of the relationship failing and something for you to focus on?

As the other posters have said, sometimes it's hard to recognise that a relationship has come to an end, especially a long term one, but I've always found the questions above helpful. If fixing the issue that's bothering you the most wouldn't actually make a difference, then you're just prolonging the inevitable really.

Oh and please don't cheat, if for no other reason than all your friends in common with your gf will be dragged into a horrific messy situation in which you will undoubtedly come out the worse.

AskYerMa

jenga-jen wrote: »

OP just gonna side step the stuff above and ask you: if your gf's sex drive came back in the morning, would you be happy? Honestly?

Do you think you still genuinely love her OR is the sexless setup just a symptom of the relationship failing and something for you to focus on?

As the other posters have said, sometimes it's hard to recognise that a relationship has come to an end, especially a long term one, but I've always found the questions above helpful. If fixing the issue that's bothering you the most wouldn't actually make a difference, then you're just prolonging the inevitable really.

Oh and please don't cheat, if for no other reason than all your friends in common with your gf will be dragged into a horrific messy situation in which you will undoubtedly come out the worse.

Hey....

The thing is she never really had a much of a sex drive and ours are certanlly mismatched, i tried to see past it for years, i know relationships are all about compromise, but i dont know if i can see past it anymore!!

I do still love her yeah, and i know sex isnt everything but its making me completely uninterested in her as shes's no interest in me anymore..

Maybe your all right, and its just run its course

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

That's fair enough Recliner. I'm getting wound up because I suspect that confusedmuch is in fact a different person that I've had a couple of disagreements with and I think she's going upregged to specifically nit-pick my posts, which is both cowardly and pathetic. I won't be responding to them anymore though so the matter should be over now.

You're full of your own importance, i've better things to do than nit-pick your posts, I was just disgusted the names you called the OP and the way you responded to him, breaking up with someone you intend to get back with and sleeping with someone within a couple of days of breaking up is as good as cheating, the OP has been very admirable in his actions you can't go around dishing abuse at people because you so feel like it.

Peggypeg

AskYerMa wrote: »

Hey....

The thing is she never really had a much of a sex drive and ours are certanlly mismatched, i tried to see past it for years, i know relationships are all about compromise, but i dont know if i can see past it anymore!!

I do still love her yeah, and i know sex isnt everything but its making me completely uninterested in her as shes's no interest in me anymore..

Maybe your all right, and its just run its course

You still love her? Then you defo need to try one more time, tell her that this is turning into a dealbreaker for you. Is it a lack of communication that's the problem? Like you say you've tried to bring it up before? I think the letter might be a good idea because you can tell her everything without it escalating into a fight. If you really love her you have to fight for this relationship, love doesn't come by every day and it would be awful to lose it over something that could have been fixed. Would she be up for trying to increase her sex drive? I've heard horny goats weed (seriously) is brilliant for upping a sex drive, you can get it in most health food shops.

Peggypeg

confusedmuch? wrote: »

Hey OP,

Went through that 3 months into the relationship I'm in now. I'm with him 3 years now and we're still madly in love. So anyway yeah 3 month's in OH dumps me on a Thursday (by text) and sleeps with a fat hairy burd on the Saturday. I played it real cool, he had a party and asked was I still going and I was like "ah yeah, a party's a party, no hard feelings, we'll still be friends". So went to the party, had a good time with my mates and had a couple of chats with him, played it all really cool. In fact, I felt nervous as ****. Anywho, within 2 weeks he was back to me telling me he'd just freaked because he really liked me and panicked. I let him grovel for a couple weeks then dragged him to bed and rocked his world. 3 years later and here we are with a really solid relationship.

Ok, I'll respond one more time. Confusedmuch you certainly choose an apt name. How in the name of god did you decide that my boyfriend had cheated on my from my post quoted above, I clearly say he broke up with me before sleeping with said fat hairy burd. You have an awful habit of only half reading a post and then replying, cop yourself on. This time I'm really not going to reply to you anymore.

AskYerMa

Peggypeg wrote: »

You still love her? Then you defo need to try one more time, tell her that this is turning into a dealbreaker for you. Is it a lack of communication that's the problem? Like you say you've tried to bring it up before? I think the letter might be a good idea because you can tell her everything without it escalating into a fight. If you really love her you have to fight for this relationship, love doesn't come by every day and it would be awful to lose it over something that could have been fixed. Would she be up for trying to increase her sex drive? I've heard horny goats weed (seriously) is brilliant for upping a sex drive, you can get it in most health food shops.

Ive tried talking a million times talkin, seriously i really have!!! im just fed up, i feel i deserve to be felt wanted! The letter isnt a bad idea but i know her , shed feel uncomfotable with it..
Yeah i do love her as a person and i prob always will love her in some way, Something pretty nasty has to go on between 2 ppl if you just stop loving them completely!!
Is it really right of me to try and change her into something shes not to suit myself.. probally not??????


Horny goats weed?? Do u smoke that? shes a complete anti smoker!!

seahorse

It takes two people to have good sex AskYerMa. Sounds to me like you're not doing much to turn her on. Have you considered this?

(Oh and banging on about lingerie is not arousing for women, btw)

Barracudaincork

AskYerMa wrote: »

Ive tried talking a million times talkin, seriously i really have!!! im just fed up, i feel i deserve to be felt wanted! The letter isnt a bad idea but i know her , shed feel uncomfotable with it..
Yeah i do love her as a person and i prob always will love her in some way, Something pretty nasty has to go on between 2 ppl if you just stop loving them completely!!
Is it really right of me to try and change her into something shes not to suit myself.. probally not??????


Horny goats weed?? Do u smoke that? shes a complete anti smoker!!

Either im a big guilble fool or you really do care for this woman! I have to say OP you sound like a really nice bloke who treats his girlfriend with respect etc

However, you are not 100% happy and content with the lack of sex and if you have tried talking and to no avail etc then as hard as it may be to do and even hard to accept I think its time to end this relationship. I have been where you are so maybe im being biased, but im trying to be helpful.

Barracudaincork

seahorse wrote: »

It takes two people to have good sex AskYerMa. Sounds to me like you're not doing much to turn her on. Have you considered this?

(Oh and banging on about lingerie is not arousing for women, btw)

As you pointed out it takes two to have good sex and if someone isnt responsive to his advances or his tempts to turn her on, that isnt the OP's fault.

Also huge generalisation re the lingerie comment, it mightnt float your boat but dont assume it does nothing for all women. I know many women who feel sexier if they are wearing what they would call "naughty knickers" even if those knickers are under their combats and vests. Alot of women are aroused by the power of sexy undies and how they can at times make a man weak.

Peggypeg

AskYerMa wrote: »

Ive tried talking a million times talkin, seriously i really have!!! im just fed up, i feel i deserve to be felt wanted! The letter isnt a bad idea but i know her , shed feel uncomfotable with it..
Yeah i do love her as a person and i prob always will love her in some way, Something pretty nasty has to go on between 2 ppl if you just stop loving them completely!!
Is it really right of me to try and change her into something shes not to suit myself.. probally not??????


Horny goats weed?? Do u smoke that? shes a complete anti smoker!!

:D I don't think you smoke it, I think you eat it, not sure to be honest! I read about it on a thread similiar to this one.

Back to the original topic though, you have every right to feel wanted and attractive, that's not being selfish. I think your OH is being selfish by refusing to tackle or even discuss what is basically a problem for you. Have you told her how badly this makes you feel? I really think if you come at it from that angle she may understand better, perhaps she feels that you're having a go at her when you bring it up? I think that you should try one more time though, you owe it to yourself to be sure that this is unsolvable before you give up.

AskYerMa

seahorse wrote: »

It takes two people to have good sex AskYerMa. Sounds to me like you're not doing much to turn her on. Have you considered this?

(Oh and banging on about lingerie is not arousing for women, btw)

I gave up tryin to turn her on because i got pushed away and shoved away so many times, so i figured that if she wants it she'd come to me but that doesent happen either

I dunno if she just doesnt fancy me anymore more, maye thats it, i asked a girl ive been mates with for years was a good looking just out of interest and she said yes ( she could of been lying tho just to be nice ) I keep myself in good shape, i havent changed much since we 1st met..

I only suggested the lingere for something different and its easily done thats all..