Wedding row

LegacyUser

Hi folks, wondering if you could help me with this.

I have been seeing a girl for the past 8 months or so. Generally things have been great. I adore her so much and all my friends do and so do my family because she's such a nice girl. She's a wee bit younger than me but that has never entered the equation. My brother got married and I took her naturally as my date and she got on really well with everyone and was great the whole time she was there. Now her brother is due to get married in Italy in July time and I had it in my head, that I would be going with her as her date. She let me know last night that she's taking two of her best mates. She had said that she booked at the very beginning of our relationship and hadnt included me because she didnt know whether we'd last or not. She kept saying she lovesme and wish we had been going a bit longer and there'd have been no problem. But to be honest I am incredibly annoyed. Surely if she did love me etc there'd be no bother pushing her friends aside and taking me?! And why has she waited to now to tell me all this anyway?! I let her know that I was annoyed about the whole thing.

Now I do know I have a tendency to maybe over react and lose my temper too easily and can be very stubborn! Basically I can be hard work lol! I've talked about this with a friend and he has said I have over reacted as well. But it doesnt change the fact that I am annoyed and that the whole thing doesnt make sense to me.

Any advice would be great. Am I in the wrong here?

mood

It not fair to expect her to drop her friends. They have probably book annual leave if they work and would have fights booked and paid for, hotel booked, bought outfits etc.

However, maybe it's possible for her to invite you along as well or maybe not because of numbers etc.

seamus

Is it unreasonable to ask her to uninvite her friends and take you instead? Yes, very unreasonable. You don't uninvite a friend from anything simply because someone else has come along.

Is it unreasonable for her to ask her brother whether there's room to squeeze you in too? No. But if there's not, don't get upset about it. Foreign weddings in particular usually have the guest list finalised quite far in advance, not least out of courtesy to the guests. It may be the case that numbers are extremely limited and every space is filled.

Perhaps she could have told you a good bit sooner that she'd already booked her two mates on, but I think her reasoning was sound - You'd be wary at the start of a brand new relationship of saying, "Hey, I'm going to a wedding in 18 months time, fancy coming?".

LegacyUser

Ok, thanks for your replies guys.

I guess the main thing here is not that I actually really really want to go to the wedding itself. I know that if the roles were reversed that I would move heaven and earth for her so that she could go. Basically because I love her and I would want her there with me. I suppose I'm thinking she obviously doesnt feel the same and that's whats getting to me. She doesnt feel the same way as I do?!

LegacyUser

If this was a girl posting ppl would be calling her a bunny boiler etc. I know what i'd say if a fella asked me to drop 2 of my best mates like that. Sisters before Misters!!!!! You're being ridiculous

partyguinness

Yeah man I can see why you would be put out..I would be too but relax..you are together 8 months which isnt the longest period of time as she is longer she prob doesnt see it as such a big deal.

You might end up coming across too heavy and might frighten her. She knows you are disappointed, she will surely understand that but dont let it ruin everything. It's only a wedding.:)

Just forget about it. There will lots more events to go to. Why dont you book a weekend away or city break to move things along and have that to look forward to. Am sure she would like that.

ManOfMystery

guest boyfriend wrote: »

Surely if she did love me etc there'd be no bother pushing her friends aside and taking me?!

You're very much in the wrong here for coming out with a statement like that. I presume she has been friends with these people for a long time - you've been around 8 months. What gives you the right to suddenly expect that they be pushed out of the way?

Don't think for a minute that just because you're her boyfriend that you take precedence over everyone else in her life. Your girlfriend sounds fair and level-headed, and is sticking to her plan with her friends - which is what she should do. There's nothing worse than someone embarking on a relationship and suddenly dropping all their friends.

She told you she loves you and that she wishes you could be there, but the plans were made too early in your relationship for her to include you. Again, that's a very honest and fair answer. Just accept it, if you over-react any further it will likely damage your relationship with her and she'll feel pressurised.

LegacyUser

I suppose it depends on the arrangements, how hard would it be for you to go as well as the two friends? Supposing they have booked a three-bed room, the two friends might have to pay more now to switch to a two-bed, so that you and your girlfriend could stay together. She might not think it fair to ask them to pay more after planning it as a girly thing.

On the other hand, July is still ages away so surely it would not be impossible to change these arrangements, or at least make enquiries as to what it would cost. I'm kind of surprised she didn't mention any of this when you brought her to your brother's wedding - why didn't she say "yes I'd love to come, but I have to tell you that I won't be able to reciprocate because I don't want to put my friends out" or whatever.

Basically I don't think you have a "right" to expect her to take you, but I do think she should show some understanding as to why you feel a bit brushed aside.

Chinafoot

Agree with the others in that expecting her to tell her mates to shag off to please you is completely unreasonable.

As others have pointed out, you've been with her 8 months. Its not that long at all. Chances are her best mates also know her brother a lot better than you do, so its possible he's happy for them to be there.

If she hasn't suggested you coming with them I wouldn't push it. She's probably taking it as an opportunity to have a little sun holiday with her best friends. She's been honest and upfront with you but you need to respect the fact that these plans were made before you and her were serious and you can't expect her to change them.

Saying she doesn't feel the same as you is very unfair. Had she only found out about the wedding now and decided her friends were coming and not you, then maybe yeah you could be a bit miffed. She's being fair to her friends and thats a quality in her that you should be thankful for.

afkasurfjunkie

or are you afraid that she will get drunk at the wedding and go off with somebody?

Midnight Sundance

To be honest if you were my boyfriend and acted the way you are now i know i'd be having serious doubts about the relationship. She has explained the plans were made before she knew whether ye would be together. Also, why should she just drop her friends for you?? Seriously man wake up! God this post got me very annoyed. No offence but girls have to make sure they look after their friends. And why should she bring you along now. Would that be fair on the friends who signed up to girl hol only for it to turn into a tag along pretend honey moon for you two? Drop the hormones and look at it realistically and stop putting so much pressure on your girlfriend. Bet you'l find she's sick with worry now because of you

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

OP, you say you dont even really want to go to the wedding. This seems more of a power play situation then. If she really loved you she would invite you!!! Is that what you are getting at. I think you need to cop on a bit. You are making way too much of a big deal out of this - and then you dont even really want to go.

Why cant you just let her go and enjoy herself with her mates and be happy for her. :rolleyes:

Correct me if I'm wrong here but are you seeing this as - She is going to Italy, with 2 friends, not bringing me, going to be drunk, might do something stupid, wont bring me, she's going to cheat on me.

The issue here is not the fact she is bringing her friends but rather you may have trust issues with her going without you. She doesn't have to boot her friends to bring you she can easily invite you along too. Would it kill you to let her have a few days with friends and family to let her hair down without you keeping a tab on her? Girls find that extremely unattractive. You're just going to annoy her and she'll go away calling you every name in the book. Just leave it lie. If she wants you there she'll ask you to come along too. Don't go on a power trip. You said yourself she's a lovely girl so trust her and let her have some fun and you go do the same down the local with the lads. Catch up, few pints, banter, bit of pool/darts/quiz whatever tickles your fancy. If you're going to last then what's one week in the rest of your lives/relationships together? Just chill out Op.

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

I agree, Bonito. This isnt about the OP not feeling 'loved' enough - he doesnt care about the wedding anyway. He just wants his girlfriend to prove how much he means by inviting him :rolleyes:

It's about his trust issues and what she may get up to without him there.

Insecure men are an incredible turn-off IMO.

Hope you cop yourself on, OP.

Thanks SF. Sorry if we sound blunt Op but we can't sympathise with someone who is merely trying to excell in a relationship by going on a power trip. You seem to be at fault and too pushy. It's like a child pulling a tantrum to get their sweeties. Behave yourself and you'll get your reward.

Moomoo1

I think the point is that if she wanted him to come with her hard enough, she'd have made sure that he was invited and going. But clearly, for some reason, she preferred to have fun with her friends in Italy rather than him.

Clearly he loves her more than she does him, and this makes it apparent to me.

mood

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think the point is that if she wanted him to come with her hard enough, she'd have made sure that he was invited and going. But clearly, for some reason, she preferred to have fun with her friends in Italy rather than him.

Clearly he loves her more than she does him, and this makes it apparent to me.

1. Maybe number are limited which is normally the case with weddings so maybe it is not possible to bring him as well as her friends.

2. How can you honestly expect her to uninvite her friends to take him instead. They have probably booked annual leave off work, paid for flights, book for hotel (and would loose deposits), bought whole outfits etc.

This whole thing has nothing to do with how much she loves him. As someone else said if a female OP can on with this 'problem' they would be called a bunny boiler, bitch, control freak etc.

Bonito

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think the point is that if she wanted him to come with her hard enough, she'd have made sure that he was invited and going. But clearly, for some reason, she preferred to have fun with her friends in Italy rather than him.

Clearly he loves her more than she does him, and this makes it apparent to me.

The wedding was planned at the very beginning of their relationship. She was clever and not throwing all her eggs in to the one basket at the start and inviting him along in case the relationship went downhill. None of us know how a relationship will pan out and how quick or slow they become serious. It's not going to kill him to let her have some fun without him. Like come on, it's not as if they're married.

gimme5minutes

guest boyfriend wrote: »

Ok, thanks for your replies guys.

I guess the main thing here is not that I actually really really want to go to the wedding itself. I know that if the roles were reversed that I would move heaven and earth for her so that she could go. Basically because I love her and I would want her there with me. I suppose I'm thinking she obviously doesnt feel the same and that's whats getting to me. She doesnt feel the same way as I do?!

Mate, listen to yourself you sound like a clingy woman. Why on earth would you 'actually really want to go to the wedding itself'?? It's not like it's your best friend or a family members wedding. It's the wedding of your gf's brother, you wouldn't even know anyone there most likely. The only reason you 'really, really want to go' is because you are needy and insecure. You are totally in the wrong in this situation, she would have to be a right b*tch to ditch her friends like you are suggesting.

It's a big deal organizing a wedding (especially if it's in a foreign country) and she doesn't get to dictate the terms as it's her brothers wedding not her own. He obviously told her she could invite a friend or two and he would put them on the guest list. She has no right to go telling her brother to add a guy she's only known 8 months to his guest list, I'm sure he has enough to deal with as it is. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I was in your situation and my gf told me she was bringing some friends to her brothers wedding, I would just say 'thats fine' and think no more of it.

LegacyUser

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Mate, listen to yourself you sound like a clingy woman. Why on earth would you 'actually really want to go to the wedding itself'?? It's not like it's your best friend or a family members wedding. It's the wedding of your gf's brother, you wouldn't even know anyone there most likely. The only reason you 'really, really want to go' is because you are needy and insecure. You are totally in the wrong in this situation, she would have to be a right b*tch to ditch her friends like you are suggesting.

It's a big deal organizing a wedding (especially if it's in a foreign country) and she doesn't get to dictate the terms as it's her brothers wedding not her own. He obviously told her she could invite a friend or two and he would put them on the guest list. She has no right to go telling her brother to add a guy she's only known 8 months to his guest list, I'm sure he has enough to deal with as it is. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I was in your situation and my gf told me she was bringing some friends to her brothers wedding, I would just say 'thats fine' and think no more of it.

No, he sounds like a clingy man !

mood

gimme5minutes wrote: »

Mate, listen to yourself you sound like a clingy woman. Why on earth would you 'actually really want to go to the wedding itself'?? It's not like it's your best friend or a family members wedding. It's the wedding of your gf's brother, you wouldn't even know anyone there most likely. The only reason you 'really, really want to go' is because you are needy and insecure. You are totally in the wrong in this situation, she would have to be a right b*tch to ditch her friends like you are suggesting.

It's a big deal organizing a wedding (especially if it's in a foreign country) and she doesn't get to dictate the terms as it's her brothers wedding not her own. He obviously told her she could invite a friend or two and he would put them on the guest list. She has no right to go telling her brother to add a guy she's only known 8 months to his guest list, I'm sure he has enough to deal with as it is. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I was in your situation and my gf told me she was bringing some friends to her brothers wedding, I would just say 'thats fine' and think no more of it.

I would say he sound like clingy man not woman! Men can be clingy etc not just women which this thread proves 100%.

MistyCheese

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think the point is that if she wanted him to come with her hard enough, she'd have made sure that he was invited and going. But clearly, for some reason, she preferred to have fun with her friends in Italy rather than him.

This might make sense if the girlfriend had recently won the prize of a weekend away and decided to take her friends instead of her boyfriend but not when it's a wedding that was booked and planned months and months ago.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

Clearly he loves her more than she does him, and this makes it apparent to me.

Love isn't a competition. It doesn't go:

He made her breakfast in bed last Sunday morning, so he must love her more than she loves him. No, wait, she went out to the shops to get a newspaper for him, so she must love him more.

It's more give and take than counting score.

LegacyUser

And when you think about it, wouldn't many men run a mile if a girl they had been seeing for lets say a few weeks at most, started making plans for a major holiday more than a YEAR in the future, with her parents and all her family?

Moomoo1

mood wrote: »

1. Maybe number are limited which is normally the case with weddings so maybe it is not possible to bring him as well as her friends.

2. How can you honestly expect her to uninvite her friends to take him instead. They have probably booked annual leave off work, paid for flights, book for hotel (and would loose deposits), bought whole outfits etc.

This whole thing has nothing to do with how much she loves him. As someone else said if a female OP can on with this 'problem' they would be called a bunny boiler, bitch, control freak etc.

no one says she should uninvite her friend, of course. But it's her brother's wedding, and there are 6 months left. I am totally positive that if the will were there, space could be found.

Moomoo1

MistyCheese wrote: »

This might make sense if the girlfriend had recently won the prize of a weekend away and decided to take her friends instead of her boyfriend but not when it's a wedding that was booked and planned months and months ago.



Love isn't a competition. It doesn't go:

He made her breakfast in bed last Sunday morning, so he must love her more than she loves him. No, wait, she went out to the shops to get a newspaper for him, so she must love him more.

It's more give and take than counting score.

but why is it that if the situations were reversed he'd have moved mountains to make sure she was invited and going? Why is it that when his relative got married, she got invited?

why isn't she treating him like he isn't treating her? There seems to be an inequality here...

EDIT and a lack of effort on her part.

Neyite

OP, its not your girlfriends place to invite you to the wedding. its not her wedding. she is a guest like everyone else.

The people who do the inviting are the bride and groom.

i was told by my sister that she would not let me bring a guest to her wedding. fair enough - she had limits on what she could afford, and i respected that.

her friends were invited early on.

why not plan a lads trip the same weekend?

mood

Moomoo1 wrote: »

no one says she should uninvite her friend, of course. But it's her brother's wedding, and there are 6 months left. I am totally positive that if the will were there, space could be found.

Totally incorrect. The bride and groom decide how many are invited due to budget / capacity of the venue / their personal preference. The sister of the groom is not entitled to a say.

Moomoo1

mood wrote: »

Totally incorrect. The bride and groom decide how many are invited due to budget / capacity of the venue / their personal preference. The sister of the groom is not entitled to a say.

and yet when his sibling got married, he did get a say?

strange... very strange in fact.

I'd never dream of inviting someone minus partner to a pub, let alone to a wedding... common courtesy if you ask me.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

but why is it that if the situations were reversed he'd have moved mountains to make sure she was invited and going? Why is it that when his relative got married, she got invited?

why isn't she treating him like he isn't treating her? There seems to be an inequality here...

EDIT and a lack of effort on her part.

Moomoo, Foreign weddings are planned about a year in advance, OP's only with his girlfriend 8 months, it's not rocket science. Plus a lot of the time they're booked as package, hotel, rooms, venue etc.

Plus she might have wanted this to be a girly thing, which is fair enough I think.

mood

Moomoo1 wrote: »

and yet when his sibling got married, he did get a say?

strange... very strange in fact.

I'd never dream of inviting someone minus partner to a pub, let alone to a wedding... common courtesy if you ask me.

I didn't a +1 to any of my siblings weddings because I was single at the time. And the same for some friends weddings. Maybe he go a +1 invite. That doesn't mean he had a say. Why should the bride and groom pay for OP girlfriend to have three guests?

I think you are the only person here who agrees with the OP! Does that not tell you something?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

and yet when his sibling got married, he did get a say?

strange... very strange in fact.

I'd never dream of inviting someone minus partner to a pub, let alone to a wedding... common courtesy if you ask me.

No its about having a life and friends outside the relationship and not being clingy, needy and joint at the hip. You seriously saying if one of your girlfriends asked you to a pub you'd ask your bf to join you everytime.

Moomoo1

mood wrote: »

I didn't a +1 to any of my siblings weddings because I was single at the time. And the same for some friends weddings. Maybe he go a +1 invite. That doesn't mean he had a say. Why should the bride and groom pay for OP girlfriend to have three guests?

because she's his/her sister? Because it's likely that (with the wedding being abroad and all the like), that massive numbers of people are invited, and one more wouldn't make much difference?

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

plus, they can still travel to Italy, even if he doesn't go to the wedding. But no, that's not on the cards either. As I've said, strange.

krudler

Moomoo1 wrote: »

no one says she should uninvite her friend, of course. But it's her brother's wedding, and there are 6 months left. I am totally positive that if the will were there, space could be found.

Why should the bride and groom have to start rearranging plans to suit one person who wasnt invited in the first place? weddings are hard enough to plan without adding having one in another country to the mix, they have enough on their plate without changing seating arrangements and the like to suit one person who's throwing their toys out of the pram, bringing someone as a date to a local wedding when you've been invited with a +1 (which most people are) and asking someone to change the details of an international wedding are in no way the same thing

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

because she's his/her sister? Because it's likely that (with the wedding being abroad and all the like), that massive numbers of people are invited, and one more wouldn't make much difference?

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

plus, they can still travel to Italy, even if he doesn't go to the wedding. But no, that's not on the cards either. As I've said, strange.

Are you serious, foreign weddings 9 out of 10 times are small intimate events.

Bonito

Moomoo1 wrote: »

and yet when his sibling got married, he did get a say?

strange... very strange in fact.

I'd never dream of inviting someone minus partner to a pub, let alone to a wedding... common courtesy if you ask me.

This wedding is in Italy and has been planned before she even had a BF most likely. I doubt she just sprung up in the last week or two and said "Oh btw my brother is getting married in a couple of months and you're not invited". I'm pretty sure the Op knew about the arrangements from the start of their relationship in concern to the wedding. They're only together 8 months. She doesn't HAVE to bring him. Who knows maybe she'd even love to bring him but the hassel of flights, accomodation, already bringing friends to have fun with at the wedding is too much. As I said before, they're not married or even engaged so he has no say in where she can go and who with. IMO with the Op being so clingy a bit of a break from each other might do them the world of good.

krudler

Moomoo1 wrote: »

because she's his/her sister? Because it's likely that (with the wedding being abroad and all the like), that massive numbers of people are invited, and one more wouldn't make much difference?

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

plus, they can still travel to Italy, even if he doesn't go to the wedding. But no, that's not on the cards either. As I've said, strange.

So? its not healthy to spend every minute doing everything together, me and my girlfriend often go away for weekends and holidays with our own friends, and dont invite the other, and we're both not only ok with it but encourage it, it makes the time we do spend together and our own holidays and breaks away all the more special, just because you enter into a relationship doesnt mean you confine yourself to not having any sort of life away from your partner either

mood

Moomoo1 wrote: »

because she's his/her sister? Because it's likely that (with the wedding being abroad and all the like), that massive numbers of people are invited, and one more wouldn't make much difference?

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

plus, they can still travel to Italy, even if he doesn't go to the wedding. But no, that's not on the cards either. As I've said, strange.

Actually with the wedding being abroad this usually means less people are invited as usually only close friends and family would go to such expense etc. My friend is having her wedding abroad because she wants a SMALL wedding with only those close to her and her OH. As someone else said the girls have probably planned a girls holiday and it would be rude to invite new boyfriends if this is the case.

Bonito

guest boyfriend wrote: »

I guess the main thing here is not that I actually really really want to go to the wedding itself.!

This sounds exactly why he has not been invited.

shellyboo

Moomoo1 wrote: »

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

It's not a possibility, we know exactly why he's not invited, no speculation needed - she already planned to go with her two friends. These plans have been in place for months. Who in their right minds would cancel that just because they have a boyfriend now?

mood

shellyboo wrote: »

It's not a possibility, we know exactly why he's not invited, no speculation needed - she already planned to go with her two friends. These plans have been in place for months. Who in their right minds would cancel that just because they have a boyfriend now?

Totally agree.

I think the OP will find him self dumped if he continues to make a big deal out of this any any other issues.

Bonito

shellyboo wrote: »

It's not a possibility, we know exactly why he's not invited, no speculation needed - she already planned to go with her two friends. These plans have been in place for months. Who in their right minds would cancel that just because they have a boyfriend now?

The Op's GF has the balance perfect between spending time with him and spending time with friends. She has every right to go away for her brothers wedding with her 2 best friends - her brother probably knows these 2 friends very well as if they're both her best friends they probably have been so for years which means they're probably family friends aswell.

mood wrote: »

Totally agree.

I think the OP will find him self dumped if he continues to make a big deal out of this any any other issues.

The Op definitely needs to lay off his GF. If he pushes at her anymore he'll most definitely find himself dumped. Leaving her single for the wedding.

Op you are her BF not her husband or her manager at work or whatever. She does not HAVE to bring you especially when these plans where set in stone before your relationship had even started. TBH your relationship is still growing by the sounds of it. Less of the power trip and you'll find your relationship blossoming.

Even the Op's friends have told him to cop on and stop overreacting. Go figure Op.

shellyboo

Bonito wrote: »

The Op's GF has the balance perfect between spending time with him and spending time with friends. She has every right to go away for her brothers wedding with her 2 best friends - her brother probably knows these 2 friends very well as if they're both her best friends they probably have been so for years which means they're probably family friends aswell.

Exactly. All this is, is a case of unfortunate timing. The OP will have to suck it up and deal with his disappointment. It's not the end of the world and I don't think it means their relationship is doomed or anything. They've only been going out 8 months - not very long to be going on what is essentially a family holiday with your partner.

Sephiroth_dude

givemeabreak wrote: »

No, he sounds like a clingy man !

I agree.You need to chill out and apologise to your girl.

PopUp

Moomoo1 wrote: »

no one says she should uninvite her friend, of course. But it's her brother's wedding, and there are 6 months left. I am totally positive that if the will were there, space could be found.

You have clearly never planned a wedding.

Chinafoot

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think the point is that if she wanted him to come with her hard enough, she'd have made sure that he was invited and going. But clearly, for some reason, she preferred to have fun with her friends in Italy rather than him.

Clearly he loves her more than she does him, and this makes it apparent to me.

What complete and utter rubbish. He loves her more because she won't disrupt plans with her friends that have been in place for months to please him? So what if she wants to go with her friends and not him? People are allowed to want to spend time with their friends. I know this is a totally foreign concept to you, but it happens...a lot!

Moomoo1 wrote: »

no one says she should uninvite her friend, of course. But it's her brother's wedding, and there are 6 months left. I am totally positive that if the will were there, space could be found.

Correction, friends, not friend. She is already bringing two people with her. Numbers will of course be limited. Its a family event and her two best friends will know the family well, after 8 months I doubt the boyfriend does. He has no right to an invitation. She wants to go with her friends, simple as.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

but why is it that if the situations were reversed he'd have moved mountains to make sure she was invited and going? Why is it that when his relative got married, she got invited?

why isn't she treating him like he isn't treating her? There seems to be an inequality here...

EDIT and a lack of effort on her part.

*sigh*

Again there is a big difference between a wedding at home and a wedding abroad. The amount of planning involved for guests at a home wedding is nothing compared to a wedding abroad. Its much handier to invite people to a reception here than it is abroad. The OPs girlfriend is already bringing two of her friends. I doubt her brother and his fiancee would be too impressed if she asked to bring another person when hotels/flights have already been booked.

Why isn't she treating him the way he's treating her? Jesus. The fact that he invited her to a wedding does not mean she is obliged to invite him to one.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

because she's his/her sister? Because it's likely that (with the wedding being abroad and all the like), that massive numbers of people are invited, and one more wouldn't make much difference?

Wow, massive numbers invited to a wedding abroad?! Do you have any concept of these things at all? Most people who head abroad to get married do it to enjoy the sunny climate and to save money. You don't have the same amount of people at a wedding abroad as you do at a wedding in the local church/hotel.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

you are assuming that he isn't going because there isn't space. But the possibility that he isn't going because she doesn't want to go with him can't be discounted either.

You're right, chances are she wants to go and have a girly break with her friends. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is against their partner spending time with friends on their own, the majority of people encourage it..those who are secure in themselves of course.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

plus, they can still travel to Italy, even if he doesn't go to the wedding. But no, that's not on the cards either. As I've said, strange.

Theres nothing strange about it at all.

OP, you really need to cop on to yourself here. She's going to Italy for a family wedding and a holiday with her friends. The plans were made before you and her were in any way serious and you have absolutely no right to assume you would be going anywhere. You're coming across as insecure and clingy and if you continue to push this with her don't be surprised if she tells you to bog off.

Moomoo1

PopUp wrote: »

You have clearly never planned a wedding.

wrong.

krudler wrote: »

Why should the bride and groom have to start rearranging plans to suit one person who wasnt invited in the first place? weddings are hard enough to plan without adding having one in another country to the mix, they have enough on their plate without changing seating arrangements and the like to suit one person who's throwing their toys out of the pram, bringing someone as a date to a local wedding when you've been invited with a +1 (which most people are) and asking someone to change the details of an international wedding are in no way the same thing

because in practice, such rearrangement goes on until the final few weeks. It always happens that someone can't make it, someone else who is very close to the family can make it, and so on. The guest list is not locked in place months in advance, because it's simply impossible (unless we are talking about a wedding with just the family members invited, which this isn't).

I've seen those foreign weddings, the amount of people, space, food, etc is humongous, one more really doesn't make a difference.

givemeabreak wrote: »

Are you serious, foreign weddings 9 out of 10 times are small intimate events.

if they are small intimate events, then why are friends of siblings invited?

Bonito wrote: »

This wedding is in Italy and has been planned before she even had a BF most likely. I doubt she just sprung up in the last week or two and said "Oh btw my brother is getting married in a couple of months and you're not invited". I'm pretty sure the Op knew about the arrangements from the start of their relationship in concern to the wedding. They're only together 8 months. She doesn't HAVE to bring him. Who knows maybe she'd even love to bring him but the hassel of flights, accomodation, already bringing friends to have fun with at the wedding is too much. As I said before, they're not married or even engaged so he has no say in where she can go and who with. IMO with the Op being so clingy a bit of a break from each other might do them the world of good.

I am sure he'd be happy to arrange his own flights/accomodation, so that's not the point. No, she doesn't have to bring him, but the fact she isn't too keep on doing that speaks volumes.

krudler wrote: »

So? its not healthy to spend every minute doing everything together, me and my girlfriend often go away for weekends and holidays with our own friends, and dont invite the other, and we're both not only ok with it but encourage it, it makes the time we do spend together and our own holidays and breaks away all the more special, just because you enter into a relationship doesnt mean you confine yourself to not having any sort of life away from your partner either

but not all people are like that, or want to have that sort of relationship. For some people, if they are going somewhere with their friends, it's customary to extend an invitation to the partner.

shellyboo

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I am sure he'd be happy to arrange his own flights/accomodation, so that's not the point. No, she doesn't have to bring him, but the fact she isn't too keep on doing that speaks volumes.

Why would she bring her boyfriend on a girly holiday? How shlte would that be for the two friends? Left as spare parts while she spends time with her bf? It's just not on to do that to your friends.

Moomoo1

shellyboo wrote: »

It's not a possibility, we know exactly why he's not invited, no speculation needed - she already planned to go with her two friends. These plans have been in place for months. Who in their right minds would cancel that just because they have a boyfriend now?

amend, not cancel.

Moomoo1

mood wrote: »

Totally agree.

I think the OP will find him self dumped if he continues to make a big deal out of this any any other issues.

and his OH will find herself dumped if she continues to not treat him with the same respect as he is treating her.

Moomoo1

shellyboo wrote: »

Why would she bring her boyfriend on a girly holiday? How shlte would that be for the two friends? Left as spare parts while she spends time with her bf? It's just not on to do that to your friends.

who said this was a girly holiday?

Moomoo1

Chinafoot wrote: »

What complete and utter rubbish. He loves her more because she won't disrupt plans with her friends that have been in place for months to please him? So what if she wants to go with her friends and not him? People are allowed to want to spend time with their friends. I know this is a totally foreign concept to you, but it happens...a lot!




Correction, friends, not friend. She is already bringing two people with her. Numbers will of course be limited. Its a family event and her two best friends will know the family well, after 8 months I doubt the boyfriend does. He has no right to an invitation. She wants to go with her friends, simple as.



*sigh*

Again there is a big difference between a wedding at home and a wedding abroad. The amount of planning involved for guests at a home wedding is nothing compared to a wedding abroad. Its much handier to invite people to a reception here than it is abroad. The OPs girlfriend is already bringing two of her friends. I doubt her brother and his fiancee would be too impressed if she asked to bring another person when hotels/flights have already been booked.

Why isn't she treating him the way he's treating her? Jesus. The fact that he invited her to a wedding does not mean she is obliged to invite him to one.





Wow, massive numbers invited to a wedding abroad?! Do you have any concept of these things at all? Most people who head abroad to get married do it to enjoy the sunny climate and to save money. You don't have the same amount of people at a wedding abroad as you do at a wedding in the local church/hotel.



You're right, chances are she wants to go and have a girly break with her friends. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is against their partner spending time with friends on their own, the majority of people encourage it..those who are secure in themselves of course.



Theres nothing strange about it at all.

OP, you really need to cop on to yourself here. She's going to Italy for a family wedding and a holiday with her friends. The plans were made before you and her were in any way serious and you have absolutely no right to assume you would be going anywhere. You're coming across as insecure and clingy and if you continue to push this with her don't be surprised if she tells you to bog off.

I just don't understand why there's even an argument about this. If your brother gets married, you offer your partner to come along, that's like saying 2 plus 2 makes 4. I don't see any logistical difficulties here, seeing as it's so far in the future either (from my experience, an enormous amount of stuff for these is done at the last minute anyway). So it's purely a question of will. Whilst she is number one in his life, he may not be in hers.

If I were in the OP's shoes, being somewhat more reserved than he, I'd probably say little besides briefly expressing my 100% desire to attend, but would make a pretty big mental note about my partner's commitment to the relationship. A note to refer to in case of future decisions, as well as something to bring up in future discussions.:cool:

shellyboo

Moomoo1 wrote: »

who said this was a girly holiday?

She's invited her two best female friends along - the three of them, going together, on a holiday... they're girls... it is a girly holiday.

I wouldn't just land my boyfriend in on my friends in the pub never mind on a holiday they'd booked and paid for.

Chinafoot

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I just don't understand why there's even an argument about this. If your brother gets married, you offer your partner to come along, that's like saying 2 plus 2 makes 4. I don't see any logistical difficulties here, seeing as it's so far in the future either (from my experience, an enormous amount of stuff for these is done at the last minute anyway). So it's purely a question of will. Whilst she is number one in his life, he may not be in hers.

And again, what people are trying to point out to you is that she is perfectly entitled to want to bring her friends and not her boyfriend. The arrangements were made months ago and she doesn't want to change them. That doesn't make her any less committed to the relationship. They don't have to do everything together. She made her plans, has been honest about it, and he needs to get over it and stop being a child about it.