break up and weight loss

forgetfulgirl

Hi ladies,

First time poster on this forum but after reading through the back pages I think i might be in the right place....hopefully! im not even sure what im looking for so bear with me.....

so thing is I was dumped by the man of my dreams about 2 1/2 months ago, we went out for about three years and i thought he was the one, break up came out of the blue, yada yada yada.

Im after losing quite a bit of weight, I didnt even notice it at first but Im really noticing it now with jeans falling off me. im still finding it hard to eat (and sleep,look at the hour!) but im turning kinda gaunt looking and feeling cold ect. Has anyone gone through this? Will i eventually just feel hungry again? My friends and fam are begining to make a bit of a fuss...I just dont feel hungry, find it difficult to eat a "normal" portion of food, i know i must sound crazy cause six months ago I would be delighted to lose a bit but now i kinda dont want it to get out of hand and getting fed up up of my mother calling me asking me what i had for breakfast,lunch and tea......

any info would be helpful, sorry for the long windedness!

Clare Bear

First of all, sorry to hear about your break up. Coming out of nowhere like that when you thought he was the one is cruel to say the least. I always lost weight after break ups. I understand where you are right now, you just don't feel hungry. I was literally living off a yogurt a day at one point. You know yourself this in't a good road to be going down, even if you're not hungry try and force yourself to eat something. The last thing you want right now is to get even more run down and ultimately get ill. After 2 and a half months you really shouldn't still not be eating. That's not me saying "Move on, get over it", you'll do that in your own good time and when you feel ready and don't let anyone make you think you should be over it if you're not. But for now make yourself eat something, even if you can't eat a normal portion, just pick at bits during the day, you have to keep yourself healthy. Your appetite will come back eventually, until it does you have to help it along. I'm sorry it's still hurting and may continue to hurt for another while, it's a tough place to be but you'll get there I promise.

princess-lala

I second what Clare Bear said, there is no right or wrong amount of time to get over a break up, some girls might think to get straight under another man while others will grieve the one thats gone.

It will be especially tough on you because it came out of nowhere but you really need to try make yourself eat, even if its only tiny portions. You cant have yourself being sick cause then you will never move on.

It does get easier I promise

Boston

Is it possible your weight loss and lack of appetite is as a result of coming off the contraceptive pill after prolonged use?

Novella

Really sorry to hear about your break up and the fact that you're having a horrible time. Tbh, I reckon popping to your GP is your best bet. I go through patches where eating doesn't phase me so much and some nights could find myself lying in bed thinking, "Oh sh!t, I didn't eat today". Yet, I wouldn't feel hungry and the thought of eating wouldn't even appeal to me.

It's not the best way to be. Neither is not being able to sleep. Imo, that is one of the worst feelings, not being able to get away from everything just for a bit. Maybe your doctor would prescribe some sleeping pills because honestly, things can look better after you've had a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

If you don't want to see a doctor, then perhaps to take your mind off the break up, start a new hobby or arrange a night in/out with friends every week. Read, draw, go to the gym, take a dance lesson... anything to keep your mind occupied really. Maybe you'll find that when you're busier, you'll feel better, able to eat and you'll sleep well.

Remember, everyone goes through bad times in their lives so you're not alone and there is nothing wrong with feeling down.

Nightwish

I too was dumped 3 months ago by the man of my dreams too. I know all too well the pain you are going through. I lost half a stone in the first week. My clothes started to fall off me too and I still have no appetite as such. I am comfort eating - junk food, pizza etc. So that'll put back on the weight pretty quickly I reckon. I know what its like to lose interest in food, to not even feel one bit hungry. Try not to worry about it. You've enough on your plate without worrying about food. Probably not the "healthiest" advice you'll get but thats just what I am doing right now.

rannerap

I went through the same thing when it happened to me,i just couldnt face food and lost a crazy amount of weigh in no time at all,your appetite does eventually come back though,i found that going to get something to eat with some friends helped a good deal,it cheers you up and distracts you so you end up eating more

forgetfulgirl

thank you so much for the replies, just a relief to hear other peoples stories and have people who understand a bit better. i think im gona try nibble during the day, then the thoughts of a big dinner (for one!) will fade

Ive gone for food with friends just getting out makes eating fine, unfortunately i moved to a new city (boyfriends city!!) just before we broke up to go back to college, the course is not what i thought (i only have 5hours a week, dats a whole other rant!!) so ive a lot of free time and the only "proper" friends i have down here are all mutal friends! its a bit of a mine field....

nightwish- when i eat its junk food too. i cant bring myself to make an effort at cooking anything. two "healthy" things i try have are ceral and soup.... but i think you may be right, ders so much on my plate right now i feel my head is melting, if i just try go on with life everything will fall back into place

novella- the not sleeping is a killer, i think its cause i dream of him when i do so i never really have "a restful sleep". i would kill to be one of those people who dont remember their dreams right now. i dont want to go down the sleeping pill route but i talked with a friend and maybe a visit to d gp mightnt be a bad idea to get some advice or soemthing.

boston- no pill hasnt had anything to do with it....

clare bear&princess lala- thanks for ur kindness. i feel im very much grieving still, for the past, for "our" now disappeared future, and im wishing there was a magic timeline so i could see light at the end of the tunnel. but ur right,getting run down and sick now is just going to add to the woes.



thanks for ur advice, i feel better just reading it and knowing im not being dramatic girl about all of this...

Shivers26

I went through a nasty breakup in early December and I was exactly the same as you. Not eating a thing for weeks, not sleeping. My family and friends were on anorexia watch pretty much.
My ex treated me really badly so after continually messing me about post break up I reached breaking point with him and began to feel better. I am still not eating a whole lot but more than I was. At the time of the breakup it just felt like so much effort.
Soup, yoghurts, yops are great. Just light stuff that will go down easy and try to stay hydrated.

Its hard now and I am sorry you are going through this but it does get easier.

iw82

The same thing happened to me but it wasn't due to a break-up... just a really stressful & upsetting phase for our family.

Anyway, initially I had started a diet to loose a few pounds, nothing too major but a lot started to happen soon afterwards... illness in the family.

No drastic changes, just cut out unhealthy food, exercised more. When things became more stressful & I was worrying an awful lot my appetite just disappeared. That whole time was a whirlwind & I think I forgot to eat an awful lot of the time. I think it was something that started out as a small issue but gradually got bigger & bigger. I even had close family commenting on how much weight I had lost & then trying to force feed me! Which is extremely annoying....

Try to have some healthy snacks like nuts, plenty of fruit, crackers & cheese, yougurts, good soups etc

I think that everyone has a different way of dealing with break-ups & stressful situations. Allow yourself time to deal with this & the time that you'll need is different to the time that I may need - everyone is different.

esporanza

so sorry to hear your feeling miserable over your break up, i have been where you are now and believe me time is a great healer. If your stuck and want to move on try getting the Artists Way book and work through it. it really helps if you follow the instructions, especially the morning pages.Try and see the positive in your grief,This was a decent man who respected you enough to break up with you before he moved on. I didnt have this in my relationship, I only found out what was going on when I found pics and text on his phone,some of them a year old.:eek:.my whole world fell apart, Im still not back to normality 6 months down the road.We have a little boy so i knew I had to find something to get me through for him,after a lot of books, tears ,anger and depression I came across the Artists way.The emotions were crazy from anger to rejection and feeling like a complete tool knowing that every one else we knew, knew what was going on except me. Be gentle with yourself and pamper yourself as much as possible--you deserve it. Know that this man thought a lot of you and cared enough to cause you as little pain as possible in the break up.youl get there,you can do it.

NewFrockTuesday

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Its horrible, but as everyone says you do move on. I dont think you ever forget the hurt that been caused, but you learn to live with it. And then it fades away over time.

I was slim, but lost a ton of weight after I was dumped in the nastiest way at a very vunerable time in my life. It took a along time to even begin to trust any guy again. When it happenned, I lost so much weight, relatives were voicing their concern over my health in a way that I knew it was serious, even though I felt too sick with misery to eat. The first two weeks, I didnt eat a thing. Chicken noodle soup on day 15 was the first thing to pass my lips besides liquids. (I didnt drink as I knew if I did, Id fall into the bottom of the bottle and never come out - and other circumstances were playing too)

Dont worry, your appitite will come back. And even though its hard, you really have to look after yourself now. Take care.xx

Wibbs

Well as a bloke this happened to me once, after a split from the woman I was sure was for life. Lost about a stone and a half in old money. Just couldnt face food for a month and given I eat feck all anyway. I nearly had Bono writing songs for me....

It passed though. About a month after.

metrovelvet

Does anyone know if there is a biological, evolutionary reason for loss of appetite accompanying loss of the beloved?

Wibbs

Emotional shock id say for the most part? It doesnt take much to put us off our grub. You see someone get sick and many will feellike hurling themselves. Good sense. If you ate the same food you may both be poisoned. But after a bereavement people go off their food too so Id say its similar. Same if you get a big shock, like I dunno, nearly getting run over. You would have avery low appetite after that too.

There could be cultural things at play for women in particular too. Guy leaves, sociaty sees thin women as more valuable, newly single woman drops weight? Maybe. Though that would only work if throughout history thin was "in". Then again some women eat more as a comfort after a break so maybe that's the subset that were adpated to when bigger women were "in". Thats me going waaaaaay too far lookig for reasons though.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

There could be cultural things at play for women in particular too. Guy leaves, sociaty sees thin women as more valuable, newly single woman drops weight? Maybe. Though that would only work if throughout history thin was "in". Then again some women eat more as a comfort after a break so maybe that's the subset that were adpated to when bigger women were "in". Thats me going waaaaaay too far lookig for reasons though.

AHh Come now!!!

Although lol at the bono thing....sorry!

forgetfulgirl

aw thanks everyone. pretty much everything said here i identify with.

i think wibbs is spot on with the emotional shock thing, i cant think of any other explanation for it. its the strangest experince for the simplest things that i took for granted just turn into mini mount everests. if only i was bono, id be writing classics left right and centre...instead i just downloaded susan boyles wild horses and sniffle to that, lol.


one annoying things is a family member commented on how bad i must be taking it all with the weight ive lost "hes clearly got to you but plently more fish in the sea" i was so close to telling her to go eff off! anyway, just focus on me time now just gotta let myself go through the (e)motions, how i wish i could speed up the process, ran into ex yesterday and hes as right as rain...envy is just another emotion i have aquaired...ughhh

thanks for the support though

metrovelvet

Sometimes it can seem we dont feel we deserve food.

esporanza

forgetfulgirl wrote: »

aw thanks everyone. pretty much everything said here i identify with.

i think wibbs is spot on with the emotional shock thing, i cant think of any other explanation for it. its the strangest experince for the simplest things that i took for granted just turn into mini mount everests. if only i was bono, id be writing classics left right and centre...instead i just downloaded susan boyles wild horses and sniffle to that, lol.


one annoying things is a family member commented on how bad i must be taking it all with the weight ive lost "hes clearly got to you but plently more fish in the sea" i was so close to telling her to go eff off! anyway, just focus on me time now just gotta let myself go through the (e)motions, how i wish i could speed up the process, ran into ex yesterday and hes as right as rain...envy is just another emotion i have aquaired...ughhh.


Your family member was right ther is loads more fish in the sea, but if a fish sufficed to mend a broken heart the seas would be empty:rolleyes: who the hell wants to end up with a fish:D

redfacedbear

I'm a comfort eater so I tend to put on weight in times of emotional turmoil

One thing I'd suggest (if you're not doing it already) would be to start getting some exercise. It should fill some of the spare time you have, take your mind off things for a while, get the happy hormones flowing in the brain, help you sleep better and maybe boosting your metabolism might even kickstart your appetite again.

Other than that I agree with Nightwish - pizza is your friend at the moment

Good luck