How to handle this?

Bonito

I'm normally the one giving advice here :rolleyes: Gotta love that irony.

I was going to go unreg but decided not to

My best female friend has been with her bf a couple months now. She's 18 in a month and he's turning 28 or something. That's not the issue though. We have always always been close ever since 1st or 2nd year in secndary school. We talk about absolutely evreything. Unortunately we don't spend as much time together as we like so whe we get the chance we make a day of it!

Recently her bf has said the following comments: "He's only your friend so he can score you" "I hate him" "I don't want you texting him when we're together" (she's allowed text all other friends) He also asked to see a pic of me. When she showed him he flipped out and said "Actually he's not bad looking, actually he's better looking than me so wtf are you doing hanging round with him"

She has never been one to sit back and let lads tell her who she can and can't see or talk to.

She has told him how much I mean to her and our friendship is ONLY friends but seeing as she spends 4 days a week seeing him and then has other friends to spend time with I might be lucky to see her once every 2-3 weeks now and I'm fed up. I'm no being a part time friend. Especially when I can drop everything when she needs to talk to me or just wants to see me.

I have expressed my feelings about all this and she said if I feel that way I should **** off because she loves him. I replied if he's like this to you now imagine a year or two down the line. Now I might just tell her to stuff her "friendship" where the sun doesn't shine because I have never in my life even raised my voice at her or belittled her and she goes and speaks to me like that!

Only problem is I can't see them going any major distance together as their whole relationship is a lie anyway (she told her parents he was 24) and even then they were asking is he a perv etc etc so imagine if they knew his real age. Plus they're arguing a lot due to his insecurities and jealousy. So if I tell her to forget about our friendship and they break up I wont turn around and say "told ya so" but I definitely wont go back to being friends with her if she thinks she can speak to me like that.

Maybe that's all part of his plan. Get rid of the best friend and have her all to himself and do what he likes. If he can get rid of me then there's nothing she wouldn't do for him IMO.

Talking to her CLEARLY didn't work so maybe it's time to stub out the friendship?

Taltos

Why not play it gently - don't stub out anything. Just don't jump when she calls - make yourself less available.

Either your friendship is important and she will make the effort you are making or you are just a crutch for her to lean on.

Thing is many friendships do grow apart as we meet people / get jobs / go to college - so maybe this is just the next phase of your friendship.

Nothing you say will really force her to see her bf for who he is - but your actions will speak louder. Remember that phrase - "Do what I say - not what I do" - it's because what you do - your actions communicate alot more.

So - ease back a bit - if she rings for coffee - have an excuse ready - suggest another time. etc
But personally - telling her to shag off - not really all that nice - especially as she is torn between her bf and her friends. Hopefully she will see him for who he is - and she will probably need her friends then.

finbarrk

It looks like her relationship will fizzle out when she cops on.

denhaagenite

It's probably not a long term thing, she's very young, but why don't you make an effort with him? It would mean alot to her if you guys got along and would maybe make everything a bit more relaxed aswell

Bonito

But it's not all her friends. Just me. Whatever it is about me he doesn't want her seeing or speaking to me. The stupid thing is he has never even met me and he's judging me!

The fact that he says to her "I don't want you near him he's trying to score you" says to me he is both insecure and doesn't trust her around me for some reason.

I tried that one but didn't work either. She asked would I come look at a car with her and I said no sorry I'll be minding my sis and my car's being serviced (which was a genuine excuse) Then she said when can we go out again and I was blunt and non-giving and said I dunno, when will you have time for me again? She never text back.

Bonito

denhaagenite wrote: »

It's probably not a long term thing, she's very young, but why don't you make an effort with him? It would mean alot to her if you guys got along and would maybe make everything a bit more relaxed aswell

Well her 18th is coming up soon and I hope he's not expecting me not to be there because I will! I can't bring myself to make an effort with someone who says they hate me before even meeting me. TBH she should say to him "he's my best friend the least you could do for me is try talk to him"

Taltos

Bonito wrote: »

But it's not all her friends. Just me. Whatever it is about me he doesn't want her seeing or speaking to me. The stupid thing is he has never even met me and he's judging me!

The fact that he says to her "I don't want you near him he's trying to score you" says to me he is both insecure and doesn't trust her around me for some reason.

I tried that one but didn't work either. She asked would I come look at a car with her and I said no sorry I'll be minding my sis and my car's being serviced (which was a genuine excuse) Then she said when can we go out again and I was blunt and non-giving and said I dunno, when will you have time for me again? She never text back.

You nearly had it there. You set the time and place.
But do try to stay out of the relationship - if you are critical - she will clam up and could stay with him longer to prove you are wrong...

Bonito

Taltos wrote: »

You nearly had it there. You set the time and place.
But do try to stay out of the relationship - if you are critical - she will clam up and could stay with him longer to prove you are wrong...

I was supportive of her relationship with him. She was happy and I was happy for her. I haven't spoken out against her realtionship, just the fact she's allowing him to control her and pre-judge me.

Ickle Magoo

The problem isn't the boyfriend - it's your friend.

The boyfriend can't and shouldn't be dictating whom his girlfriend can be mates with - but that's neither here nor there. If this girl valued your friendship she'd be telling her fella to back off - but she's not. She's told you in no uncertain terms that you and what you want come second to her new man, it's for you to decide if you can live with those terms.

shellyboo

Ah Bonito, this guy's a total dcik. However, getting into "him or me" fights just makes you as bad as him.

You need to play the long game here, be the bigger person. Let this grown man act like a 16 year old, let him throw his tantrums, let him hate you for no reason. You, in the meantime, will be in the background, being the gracious friend, disappointed that he doesn't like you, but calm and cool and stable about the whole thing. When your friend gets a bit of sense she'll realise her bf is a twat for making a big deal over nothing and it'll end.

I know you feel like you're being picked up and set down, but tbh - that happens in friendships. If someone is a true friend, there's room for that sort of understanding that you can't be No. 1 all the time. You have to learn to be ok with that, and build up a life around her so that when she's not around, you've plenty else to be doing.

I know this seems like a huge deal to you now, but in a few years you'll both be laughing about it - together, as friends, I hope.

Bonito

shellyboo wrote: »

Ah Bonito, this guy's a total dcik. However, getting into "him or me" fights just makes you as bad as him.

You need to play the long game here, be the bigger person. Let this grown man act like a 16 year old, let him throw his tantrums, let him hate you for no reason. You, in the meantime, will be in the background, being the gracious friend, disappointed that he doesn't like you, but calm and cool and stable about the whole thing. When your friend gets a bit of sense she'll realise her bf is a twat for making a big deal over nothing and it'll end.

I know you feel like you're being picked up and set down, but tbh - that happens in friendships. If someone is a true friend, there's room for that sort of understanding that you can't be No. 1 all the time. You have to learn to be ok with that, and build up a life around her so that when she's not around, you've plenty else to be doing.

I know this seems like a huge deal to you now, but in a few years you'll both be laughing about it - together, as friends, I hope.

You're post actually made me smile shellyboo.

I haven't asked her to choose me or him but I have expressed that it's unfair to treat me or any of her other friends this way. I haven't been argumentative about it and when she snapped and told me to **** off I merely said "Excuse me?" and she backed down and apologised and said it's a very awkward situation and he'd been moaning at her for 2 whole days about us being friends so she was stressed out (what a baby lol). Obviously me being a good friend a forgave her and said I understand why you lashed out. I have nothing against talking to him or being friends with him. I'll keep my distance and keep myself busy when I know she wont be so when she asks can we hang out I have a reason not to.

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Well, I'd be taking that as a bl00dy compliment if it was me

God dam my ridiculously toned physique and stunning looks

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Gawd, insecure men are so drippy and unattractive. :rolleyes: he also sounds about 14!!!

I'd sit back and play it cool. By the sounds of it she will cop on sooner or later that he's incredibly insecure and possessive. I wouldnt mention it with her again. No doubt she is going to miss you incredibly. Well good.

He sounds bl00dy awful tbh. I also think your friend will see the light very soon.

Stay calm cool do your own thing for a while would be my advice.

sf xx

I've been playing it mildly cool. Admitedly I fecked up a couple times but not majorly. I just hate losing friends when I shouldn't have to. I nearly lost her as a friend because of my ex's insecurities and her sayin she hated her and we were having sex behind her back bla bla bla bla. Needless to say she got dumped. But i'm not going to use the "hey I done the same for you not so long ago". Hopefully she'll remember and realise it herself!

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Exactly, the guy's only human after all, of course he's jealous of you....

Maybe she's let slip she loooooves my toned arms and he got pissed lol :rolleyes:

OOOOOO sunflower 1000th post?????

Bonito

Bonito wrote: »

Delighted with myself now I got your 1000th post :P

I'll sit tight. If she wants to learn how to drive she has to come to me anyway because her parents wont let her have a car and wont bring her out to teach her :rolleyes:

Wait what do I do on her bday? Do I completely blank him? I can't go up and shake his hand and do the whole nice to meet you speech because she has told me he hates me and he knows she has told me. So if I were to go up and say hello he'll think I'm just trying to wind him up. But if I blank him I'm being rude and a complete dick. Both of which I hate acting like! Last thing I want is my friends boyf starting on me and having his ass handed to him and then me having to leave the party :rolleyes:

Taltos

Just be pleasant - remember - the issue is all his - don't let them pass it onto you...

edit - just read SF's reply - spot on

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Why not just say, hi, I've heard loads about you. And when he says 'all good I hope?' say, 'well, no actually'

Seriously - I'd give them both a wide berth for now!

I think I'll leave early I'll make a beig deal of it too and make sure I get the "awwww don't go yet" off her :rolleyes:

I'll say hello to him and give her a hug and a card (aint gettin' a present off me this time lol)

This is why I stay single

P.s. Not implying that all girls are insecure and/or jealous if I had a female friend. It just avoids the, how should I put this? Complications?:P

Danniboo

What a bloody princess :rolleyes:(the bf that is) My bf is somewhat older than me but I don't think at 17 I would have been mature enough to go out with a fella of 28. He sounds like a control freak which could be his reasoning for going out with someone younger than him. Sound like he has "You're going to run off with a younger model syndrome". I would go to the party carry myself off like a gentleman, I would introduce myself and shake his hand that always annoys people like this. If you kick off and get on to him or her, he's just gonna be like see I told you I didnt like him. Seriously just play it cool.

Bonito

Danniboo wrote: »

What a bloody princess :rolleyes:(the bf that is) My bf is somewhat older than me but I don't think at 17 I would have been mature enough to go out with a fella of 28. He sounds like a control freak which could be his reasoning for going out with someone younger than him. Sound like he has "You're going to run off with a younger model syndrome". I would go to the party carry myself off like a gentleman, I would introduce myself and shake his hand that always annoys people like this. If you kick off and get on to him or her, he's just gonna be like see I told you I didnt like him. Seriously just play it cool.

Ok so I'm allowed to punch him right in the shnoz but only if he starts it?

Do I get to turn to her and say "See what you're going out with?" if it did happen?

What do you mean carry myself as a gent? I already am a gent So no need to pretend :P

Danniboo

Bonito wrote: »

Ok so I'm allowed to punch him right in the shnoz but only if he starts it?

Do I get to turn to her and say "See what you're going out with?" if it did happen?

What do you mean carry myself as a gent? I already am a gent So no need to pretend :P

No, no punching sorry, well maybe a small one only if he starts. If he floors you I think she'll know he's not a nice person

Sorry of course I meant to say behave like a gentleman as always

Bonito

Danniboo wrote: »

No, no punching sorry, well maybe a small one only if he starts. If he floors you I think she'll know he's not a nice person

Sorry of course I meant to say behave like a gentleman as always

Well that's no fun lol I have to swallow my pride and pretend to let him beat me up just to get my point across to her that he's a dick and she's with an idiot?

As fun as that sounds I don't think I should have to go to these extents to prove my point

I'll bring a friend. So he can punch him after I let him beat me up (if he starts anything that is, I'm not going to start an argument at my friends party) Then she flips out and accuses her BF of ruining her party, dumps him on the spot and sends him home. All while I stay and after he has left offer my shoulder, cheer her up and then have a cracking good night

I love boards

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Totally agree with Danniboo - I wouldnt say even one snide comment - not one. I'd kill the loser with charm tbh. He'll be waiting for you to slip up. Shake his hand and then leave him to it. Enjoy yourself but keep your distance.

He's such a child it's unreal

Actually, I'd find this fun:o

I'm finding what was frustrating and annoying me has become an epic win win for me

[Insert amstel advert] This is gonna be great :D:D [/insert amstel ad]

shellyboo

Making sure your busy when she's not? Leaving early to get attention? That's pretty childish, dude. You think you're being the bigger person but you're actually not.

She's supposed to be your friend. At present, she is making a mistake. Ad her friend, you should point it out to her and then stfu about it til she cops on. Then be there when it goes tits up. That's what true friendship means - it's not about being right, getting enough attention, or winning some imaginary fight.

Either be her friend, accept her bad judgement on this matter or leave her to it. If I knew someone was sneering at me and my choices behind my back then I wouldn't consider them a friend for too long.

Bonito

shellyboo wrote: »

Making sure your busy when she's not? Leaving early to get attention? That's pretty childish, dude. You think you're being the bigger person but you're actually not.

She's supposed to be your friend. At present, she is making a mistake. Ad her friend, you should point it out to her and then stfu about it til she cops on. Then be there when it goes tits up. That's what true friendship means - it's not about being right, getting enough attention, or winning some imaginary fight.

Either be her friend, accept her bad judgement on this matter or leave her to it. If I knew someone was sneering at me and my choices behind my back then I wouldn't consider them a friend for too long.

shelly all those posts where a joke between myself and SF :rolleyes: Nothing but sarcasm in them.

And I'm sorry but if she's not going to find time for me anymore why should I bother making time for her? Especially when she tells me to **** off? What sort of person tells their friend to **** off? I'm not going to allow her to treat me like that and act as if I'll forgive and forget, because if I do she'll think she can abuse our friendship in the future.

And I can't add her BF because she told me not to and said she doesn't want me talking to him. So I have respected her wishes and not added him.

I'll be there when it all goes tits up. But I'm not going to be there at present if she's going to act like this and treat her "friend" this way. I know I'm a true friend to her. It's just a matter of how long it takes her to cop on and realise it. And when she does realise it I wont be saying "i told you so" and be spiteful to her.

shellyboo

Bonito wrote: »

shelly all those posts where a joke between myself and SF :rolleyes: Nothing but sarcasm in them.

And I'm sorry but if she's not going to find time for me anymore why should I bother making time for her? Especially when she tells me to **** off? What sort of person tells their friend to **** off? I'm not going to allow her to treat me like that and act as if I'll forgive and forget, because if I do she'll think she can abuse our friendship in the future.

So cut contact if she's that bad. Don't hang around with people who treat you like crap. Hanging around playing snide games and planning different ways in which to get one up on her and her bf is just juvenile. And it makes you just as bad as her.

You asked how to handle it - I suggested with maturity and grace. If you don't want her friendship, why are you asking advice?

Bonito

shellyboo wrote: »

So cut contact if she's that bad. Don't hang around with people who treat you like crap. Hanging around playing snide games and planning different ways in which to get one up on her and her bf is just juvenile. And it makes you just as bad as her.

You asked how to handle it - I suggested with maturity and grace. If you don't want her friendship, why are you asking advice?

It's only recently she has been like this though Shelly. Have a look through the posts and you'll get the full jist of things it'll only take you a second

And you can be sure I'm being mature about it. Myself, SF and Danniboo where just adding a bit of humor in to the mix to show it's not the end of the world

Taltos

Oh Bonito - just like a friendship - humour is stictly taboo here

Think you have this one covered.
Just be ready - he may try to push your buttons and make you react - and hence look bad - only one way to really shine in that game - don't play it.

e.g.
"Sure we all know you fancy Kate" (made up name just in case)
"Why do you keep sniffing around her"
"She says you keep bothering her with texts"
etc etc etc

Just be ready - treat jibes like these with distain and show that the only wacko guy here is himself.
If that fails challenge him to an arm-wrestle...

Bonito

Taltos wrote: »

Oh Bonito - just like a friendship - humour is stictly taboo here

Thanks for the heads up :rolleyes:

Think you have this one covered.
Just be ready - he may try to push your buttons and make you react - and hence look bad - only one way to really shine in that game - don't play it.

But I like having my buttons pressed

e.g.
"Sure we all know you fancy Kate" (made up name just in case)
"Why do you keep sniffing around her"
"She says you keep bothering her with texts"
etc etc etc

I could always add to his insecurities and say something along the lines of "sure all the lads in school fancy kate, it doesn't mean I'm going to try anything on her, she's your GF man you're the one she wants"

Just be ready - treat jibes like these with distain and show that the only wacko guy here is himself.
If that fails challenge him to an arm-wrestle...

See I like this plan, but I'll only use it if I need to. I'm not going to randomly challenge him to an arm wrestle :pac:

But if it's on, it's gonna be on like donkey kong :cool:

Oooooo WAIT!!! What if I bring another "lady friend" to the party??? Shows him I has a woman and don't want his doesn't it?:D


SF are you available?

Taltos

Bringing a date is quite a good idea.
But - if your friend does not expect this then it might actually raise more questions that you have answers for - and call into doubt everything up to now.

However - if your friend knows that you have been interested in someone - and this someone is known to her then why not.

Do let us know how you get on though - guessing the Bday is soon.

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

Haha! I'd eat the loser alive - seriously, you wouldnt want to be taking me

I'll keep you under wraps don't worry come on I needs me a dancing partner so grab your shoes we're going :P

Bonito

Taltos wrote: »

Bringing a date is quite a good idea.
But - if your friend does not expect this then it might actually raise more questions that you have answers for - and call into doubt everything up to now.

However - if your friend knows that you have been interested in someone - and this someone is known to her then why not.

Do let us know how you get on though - guessing the Bday is soon.

It's in 3 weeks this fri so plenty of time to set up bringing a date and clearing it with her so it's not a "oh I didn't know you were seeing someone" sorta situation I will keep it updated as to how it plays out

vandermeyde

it would be easier for all involved if you just owned up and admitted to the truth...it's obvious you're crazy about her :pac: :pac: :pac:

Bonito

vandermeyde wrote: »

it would be easier for all involved if you just owned up and admitted to the truth...it's obvious you're crazy about her :pac: :pac: :pac:

FMP :pac:

Bonito

Thought I'd give you all an update on this. She has uninvited me to her party. Reason why - Her psychotic control freak of a boyf said if I was invited he was going to dump her. Basically choosing him over our friendship to the full extent. He then also said if I spontaneously turn up I'll be punched in the face just to remind me I wasn't invited :rolleyes:

Now, the party isn't in a function room it's just friends going out. The place they're going is my local and I will not be bullied into abandoning a weekend out with friends just because of his little threat. I have every right to go to the pub and then the club above it afterwards with MY friends who wont be going to the party, bothly because they're either not her friend or within our circle of friends they're a better friend to me and always go out with me on the weekend.

I don't believe in violence sorting anything and I have never started a fight with someone so I'll hold strong on that but this has gone too far. She may be afraid to lose him or even afraid of him and that's why she does as he says, but, if he starts on me and ruins my night out he will be kissing the floor, it's as simple as that, he's nothing but scum to me and he'll be dealt a healthy dose of reality if he crosses me in an aggressive manner

Taltos

Ah Bonito,

think you really only have one option. And you ain't gonna like it.

Just tell her you understand, but that you will always remember the good times, hopefully in a few years she will be open to being friends again but right now you can see she is not in a good place to do this. Then quickly and simply cut her from your life.

Don't get all emotional - don't look to spite her bf. None of that.
Just say it calmly and quietly - then walk away. It would be even better if just behind you out of earshot some of your mates were standing - cause I can guess you are going to need your mind taken off the loss of this friendship. Don't even expand on the WHY - you would want to be a flamin eejit not to understand this one...

The only reason I am suggesting this is that for all intents and purposes your friendship is now effectively dead. By being the bigger man here and not rising to this guys games (or hers - read below) - clearly he does want you to turn up - you will be showing her and him how an adult really behaves.

On a side note - are you really really sure that this ex-friend is not secretly enjoying all this fuss?
I mean - what the hell has she told her bf for him to go all cromag? Normal people just don't go off on one without some pushing...

Bonito

Taltos wrote: »

Ah Bonito,

think you really only have one option. And you ain't gonna like it.

Just tell her you understand, but that you will always remember the good times, hopefully in a few years she will be open to being friends again but right now you can see she is not in a good place to do this. Then quickly and simply cut her from your life.

Don't get all emotional - don't look to spite her bf. None of that.
Just say it calmly and quietly - then walk away. It would be even better if just behind you out of earshot some of your mates were standing - cause I can guess you are going to need your mind taken off the loss of this friendship. Don't even expand on the WHY - you would want to be a flamin eejit not to understand this one...

The only reason I am suggesting this is that for all intents and purposes your friendship is now effectively dead. By being the bigger man here and not rising to this guys games (or hers - read below) - clearly he does want you to turn up - you will be showing her and him how an adult really behaves.

On a side note - are you really really sure that this ex-friend is not secretly enjoying all this fuss?
I mean - what the hell has she told her bf for him to go all cromag? Normal people just don't go off on one without some pushing...

Nah it's not her style to start a ruckus TBH. She likes things mellow and chilled out so he definitely has some reason or ammunition that she let slip for him to act like this! As for leaving this friendship dead and buried - DONE - I simply replied "It's ok I understand, sure I might even see you out over the weekends when you're 18 and all grown up lol take it easy and best of luck" (yes that was a sly dig at her immaturity but I think it was quite subtle and doubt she picked up on it )

She sent a text back saying "I hate having to do this but I love him. Are we still friends?"

Stupid question and I'm not texting back to dignify her with an answer! I'll be out on the weekend of the party and I will make sure not to bat so much as an eye-lid over towards her little celebration. We'll see what happens If there's trouble you can be sure it's not me who's starting it :cool:

sunflower27 wrote: »

Good God, the guy is a bloody nightmare, Bonito.

You know, I think in your shoes I'd be more annoyed at your friend. She isn't 14. She hasnt been with this guy that long and she is going to let him determine who her friends are? She sounds incredibly spineless.

I wouldn't go to the party or anywhere near them. I'd be doing my own thing that night. I wouldnt say either way if I was going or not, but I really wouldnt bother.

I'd rise above it. Leave her to have an awful night with him watching her every move and when it all gets too much and she eventually dumps him I wouldnt let me be the first shoulder she turns to to cry on

Honestly, she sounds quite pathetic and I do agree she is getting some kind of enjoyment out of the two of you prepared to 'fight' over her.

'Kate': Grow the F*** up :rolleyes:

PS: TAltos - 'cromag' PMSL

I am extremely annoyed at her and she has repeatedly says I know you're annoyed and I'm sorry but I can't help it. When they say love makes you do crazy things I didn't think treating your friends like **** and kicking them to the curb for someone you hardly even know yet came under that little saying :rolleyes:

She's being very not like herself lately. She'd normally never let lads treat her this way. If it were anybody else she'd have them on their ear by now. Then again the last time I was out with her I learned that she's now smoking hash everyday - something she swore against ever doing - then learned he's a dealer in his area so sorta explains it but yet again it's not a justification of her actions.

Revenge is a dish best served cold IMHO and I wouldn't be surprised if the confidential line to the Guardaí had an anonymous tip off soon :pac: and maybe even a letter made up from cut outs of newspapers and sent to her mother to let her know what her daughter is going out with. Suppose this saves her from the nut job but I don't think I'll bother. I think she deserves to learn the hard way. I have no remorse for her and not being big headed but she has lost the most reliable, caring and trustworthy friend she'll ever come across in her life.

She is pathetic. Also the idea of her getting a kick out of two people fighting over her? HA she has another thing coming. I wont be fighting over her. If I'm fighting it's because a grown man is trying to act the hardy boy with me (Which is extremely sad and pathetic, maybe this is why they're perfect for each other) Sometimes people like that need their ass handed to them if you ask me.

Taltos

Think you have the right attitude.

Life is too short to waste it on dross like your ex-friend and her enabling dealing sugar daddy.

Do yourself a favour - treat them for the garbage they both are and give a wide wide berth. Don't even consider going to where they might be - and if you see em - well from today onwards they are just shady characters collecting for their own self-serving charity...

Sounds actually like you had a close call - better you find out now what she is really like than wasting more of your life on this little princess.

SF - thanks for that - had to look up your acronym - it was my turn then.

Bonito

Taltos wrote: »

Think you have the right attitude.

Life is too short to waste it on dross like your ex-friend and her enabling dealing sugar daddy.

Do yourself a favour - treat them for the garbage they both are and give a wide wide berth. Don't even consider going to where they might be - and if you see em - well from today onwards they are just shady characters collecting for their own self-serving charity...

Sounds actually like you had a close call - better you find out now what she is really like than wasting more of your life on this little princess
princesses
SF - thanks for that - had to look up your acronym - it was my turn then.

Just fixed that a little bit, hope you don't mind Taltos

Danniboo

Bonito,

That's ****. You're better off without her. Dumping her long term friend for her drug dealing bf who she claims she loves, her parents must be proud. Her behaviour is pathetic and you're better off without people like her in your life, she's smoking hash now what will she be on in a few months. You deserve to be treated better than this and she will only end up dragging you down with her. Hold your head up and move on. Can't stand girls who drop their mates for bfs :mad:

Bonito

Danniboo wrote: »

Bonito,

That's ****. You're better off without her. Dumping her long term friend for her drug dealing bf who she claims she loves, her parents must be proud. Her behaviour is pathetic and you're better off without people like her in your life, she's smoking hash now what will she be on in a few months. You deserve to be treated better than this and she will only end up dragging you down with her. Hold your head up and move on. Can't stand girls who drop their mates for bfs :mad:

sunflower27 wrote: »

Poor her, she can't help it:rolleyes:

Give me strength.

Dont email her, text her, don't go anywhere near her - do and she'll thrive on it.

They are made for each other :rolleyes:

She can do as she pleases TBH. I have had enough :cool::P

edvedfan

Bonito wrote: »

God dam my ridiculously toned physique and stunning looks

Pic please?

Fair play, you handled yourself very well, didn't make any ridiculous demands off her like he did. You could have easily handled the situation in a way that made you seem like a d*** and ultimately turning into him, because she was obviously running between the two of you telling each other what the other was saying. Rather than placating him, it seemed as if she was trying to provoke both him and you.

You're well rid, and can now carry on enjoying the drama-free way of doing things that you wouldnt have had with her around. As well as that, at least you know that you were gracious, rather than kicking up a fuss and acting the eejit. Dramatic men just aren't atractive and come with so much extra baggage, she will see that soon. Whether or not you are around to pick up the pieces is your choice then.


Good work batman

Motley Crue

OP, your situation reminds me of a similar situation I had with a friend during school. To be honest, I think that an 18yr old dating (and potentially having sex with) someone 10 years older then them is a little odd....I don't care what anyone says, at the age of 18, you really shouldn't be with someone that much older then you....its different if she was 28 and he was 38 but that's another point.

Bro's before Hoe's dude, she obviously didn't get the message....well done, cause u did, I wouldn't worry about her and just get on with your life and find yourself that nice cute college girl you've been looking forward to lol

Taltos

sunflower27 wrote: »

She'll play the poor me card a bit longer yet:rolleyes:

Op - take this as a bit of SF's ability to fortell the future. Be prepared for the whole end-of-the-world call or text, where everything is falling apart and she NEEDS you to help...

Stay well away - screen your calls / texts and just continue to ignore her. If her friends ask - just be polite but brief.
"I didn't end the friendship - she did. I am just respecting her wishes and getting on with my life without her"

> no blame there - no ref's to the drughead (either of them)...

But expect it - one last ditch effort to pull you into her world to validate that she is the prize she believes herself to be.

So - go - update your phone / bebo / facebook etc. and enjoy yourself with your real mates.

Bonito

edvedfan wrote: »

Pic please?

Fair play, you handled yourself very well, didn't make any ridiculous demands off her like he did. You could have easily handled the situation in a way that made you seem like a d*** and ultimately turning into him, because she was obviously running between the two of you telling each other what the other was saying. Rather than placating him, it seemed as if she was trying to provoke both him and you.

You're well rid, and can now carry on enjoying the drama-free way of doing things that you wouldnt have had with her around. As well as that, at least you know that you were gracious, rather than kicking up a fuss and acting the eejit. Dramatic men just aren't atractive and come with so much extra baggage, she will see that soon. Whether or not you are around to pick up the pieces is your choice then.


Good work batman

Thanks Robin :cool:

If I knew how to embed or upload pics I would

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE drama free

Motley Crue wrote: »

OP, your situation reminds me of a similar situation I had with a friend during school. To be honest, I think that an 18yr old dating (and potentially having sex with) someone 10 years older then them is a little odd....I don't care what anyone says, at the age of 18, you really shouldn't be with someone that much older then you....its different if she was 28 and he was 38 but that's another point.

Bro's before Hoe's dude, she obviously didn't get the message....well done, cause u did, I wouldn't worry about her and just get on with your life and find yourself that nice cute college girl you've been looking forward to lol

Potentially? They are having sex, she told me everything, some of which was too much info TBH. How or never she's gone now :P

sunflower27 wrote: »

I thinks she will be very put out when you aren't entertaining her dramatics, Bonito.

Mark my word, she isnt just going to fade away - he will become probably a lot less attractive when she realises you aren't around to play him off against....

She'll play the poor me card a bit longer yet:rolleyes:

She can play all she likes because I wont be there for her to play with :pac: (please don't turn that into a sexual innuendo :rolleyes:

Taltos wrote: »

Op - take this as a bit of SF's ability to fortell the future. Be prepared for the whole end-of-the-world call or text, where everything is falling apart and she NEEDS you to help...

Stay well away - screen your calls / texts and just continue to ignore her. If her friends ask - just be polite but brief.
"I didn't end the friendship - she did. I am just respecting her wishes and getting on with my life without her"

> no blame there - no ref's to the drughead (either of them)...

But expect it - one last ditch effort to pull you into her world to validate that she is the prize she believes herself to be.

So - go - update your phone / bebo / facebook etc. and enjoy yourself with your real mates.

My phone can block any numbers I tell it to so *menu, settings, application settings, calls, all calls, Auto reject, types in ex-friends number, click reject*

BINGO :cool:

Moomoo1

Bonito wrote: »

She is pathetic. Also the idea of her getting a kick out of two people fighting over her? HA she has another thing coming. I wont be fighting over her. If I'm fighting it's because a grown man is trying to act the hardy boy with me (Which is extremely sad and pathetic, maybe this is why they're perfect for each other) Sometimes people like that need their ass handed to them if you ask me.

you don't buy into the romantic notion of two knights dueling over a damsel then? 'And then Sir Moanalot raised his fist and hit Sir Galahard in the gob.'

Seriously, I don't think any of that's going on: I think she would really rather not have to choose between you and him, but that she is forced to do so. It's him who is the villain of the peace here. It's easy to say 'she shouldn't let him do that', but people do all sorts of stupid things for love.

Bonito

Moomoo1 wrote: »

you don't buy into the romantic notion of two knights dueling over a damsel then? 'And then Sir Moanalot raised his fist and hit Sir Galahard in the gob.'

Seriously, I don't think any of that's going on: I think she would really rather not have to choose between you and him, but that she is forced to do so. It's him who is the villain of the peace here. It's easy to say 'she shouldn't let him do that', but people do all sorts of stupid things for love.

Well since she's so in love I'll leave her be. Rather than having a confrontation and having to punch him in the gob :rolleyes:

As egotistically satisfying as that moment would be I'd rather avoid it. She's seen me be violent to protect her before and I think I almost scared her more than the male in question did so I'd rather steer clear of a situation where I could lose the plot.

Taltos

Bonito wrote: »

Well since she's so in love I'll leave her be. Rather than having a confrontation and having to punch him in the gob :rolleyes:

As egotistically satisfying as that moment would be I'd rather avoid it. She's seen me be violent to protect her before and I think I almost scared her more than the male in question did so I'd rather steer clear of a situation where I could lose the plot.

Always a good plan - added to that the risk of a conviction - it's not worth the effort or the abuse - not the mention the damage to your reputation.

Hope it all works out for you - and am sure she will be very happy in her drug enduced euphoria with the skanger.

pretty-in-pink

Wow.

Not only does this poor girl have an a-hole boyfriend who treats her like dirt, undermines her friendships and does god alone knows what else to her mind etc out of the public context of this, she also has a friend who instead of seeing that his friend is in a clearly abusive relationship (and her personality changing etc would indicate this even if everything else seemed to be fine)takes insult at her trying to make her life more bearable.

Its easy to say "dump him", its hard to do. I was in her shoes finishing school/starting college. Took ages to dump the guy because i was *scared* and becasue I believed him when he told me bad things about myself. Guys like him, they know what buttons to press. I lost basically all of my school friends- thankfully my college friends stuck around and supported me through it all.

This girl is well shot of that type of immature game playing, the disregard for what she is most likely be going through and the onslaught of criticism of her maturity and personality.

She is young sure, but she is in a very isolated position right now. I really hope she gets it together enough to dump this guy before he ruins her life, and I hope she finds some true friends when she's done. The coldness that she has been treated with by her b/f (controling a-hole,who has most likely decimated any self esteem the girl had) and her supposed best friend appalls me. In fact it makes me glad that I'm not friends with my school crowd anymore, and that my college friends showed they were actually my through-thick-and-thin friends. And that they wouldn't judge someone for getting stuck in the vicous circle of an abusive relationship.

The best thing you could have done was hang around, let her know you were there for her, that she's a good person, that people like and respect her, thats she's smart, doesn't deserve to be treated badly, etc. However, as it's too late for that, theres not really anything you can do bar wait for her to find the courage to walk away from her b/f.

Bonito

Here's where I knock your argument on the head.

pretty-in-pink wrote: »

Wow.

Tell me about it i'm on the receiving end of all this.

Not only does this poor girl have an a-hole boyfriend who treats her like dirt, undermines her friendships and does god alone knows what else to her mind etc out of the public context of this, she also has a friend who instead of seeing that his friend is in a clearly abusive relationship (and her personality changing etc would indicate this even if everything else seemed to be fine)takes insult at her trying to make her life more bearable.

This relationship is early days. It is not my fault he is treating her like this and she has asked me to butt out so I'm doing as I am asked. I have never met her boyf to judge to how big of an extent he is abusing her in this relationship. That is why I am not putting my foot in the door with this. I'm not getting involved because I don't know him. If I were to make assumptions of what he's like then I'd be just as bad as him! She's not an imbecile she knows when to walk away.

Its easy to say "dump him", its hard to do.

I never once asked her to dump or break up with him.

I was in her shoes finishing school/starting college. Took ages to dump the guy because i was *scared* and becasue I believed him when he told me bad things about myself. Guys like him, they know what buttons to press. I lost basically all of my school friends- thankfully my college friends stuck around and supported me through it all.

She has many friends, many of them very close. But I am the only one who he has stopped her seeing! Then again had you read the previous posts you would have known this.

This girl is well shot of that type of immature game playing, the disregard for what she is most likely be going through and the onslaught of criticism of her maturity and personality.

Again, the way she is acting is not my fault and I am not some sort of "stress panel" where she can relay her bad feelings.

She is young sure, but she is in a very isolated position right now. I really hope she gets it together enough to dump this guy before he ruins her life, and I hope she finds some true friends when she's done.

I can only presume that comment is a slur at my "lack" of friendship towards her.

The coldness that she has been treated with by her b/f (controling a-hole,who has most likely decimated any self esteem the girl had) and her supposed best friend appalls me. In fact it makes me glad that I'm not friends with my school crowd anymore, and that my college friends showed they were actually my through-thick-and-thin friends. And that they wouldn't judge someone for getting stuck in the vicous circle of an abusive relationship.

She's a big girl now, she got herself in to this relationship mess and pushed me away so why would I come to the rescue and bail her out? Actually, why should I help bail her out after she has told me **** off etc etc etc etc

The best thing you could have done was hang around, let her know you were there for her, that she's a good person, that people like and respect her, thats she's smart, doesn't deserve to be treated badly, etc. However, as it's too late for that, theres not really anything you can do bar wait for her to find the courage to walk away from her b/f.

No the best thing I could have done is what I have done. Left her to learn the hard way. The only thing I could have done was lash out at her Boyf. If she's already pushing me away when I'm being nice what do you think she's going to be like to me when I'm being just as bad as her a-hole of a boyf and making threats etc.

When it all goes tits up I will consider being there for her, but, as it stands I'm out and she has only herself to blame.

Rant over, I win.

Moomoo1

I'm afraid I agree with the 'finds some true friends' comment.

It just seems that you are not recognising the difficult situation she is in (having to choose between her partner and best friend), and instead of making things easier for her are exacerbating the situation by implying that because she chose the bf you don't want to be her friend anymore.

Why not just take it easy and be magnanimous, and say that whatever happens you'll still be friends? Why not be above all this point-scoring?

littlefriend

OP, just let them off. Its not like they are going to stay together anyway so at some stage she'll be back. Yes it is hurtful etc at the moment but it won't be the last time in your life somebody choses their relationship [good or bad] over you.


Don't go to the same pub on her birthday night. I know you are going to say its not up to him where you go and you are right but she will end up having a **** time and being totally stressed out. She is a young girl and is probably taking his possessive behaviour as a kind of compliment, look how much he must love me etc. If she has any sense at all she will start to see through all of his nonsense and they will break up. If she doesn't have any sense then you probably would drift apart at some stage anyway.

You are right in being annoyed but just rise above it. You are playing at his level by even reacting to this. Just tell her that you think his behaviour is vile and you will talk to her again when she is in a position to have a normal friendship with you [not sure if it is just a friendship you want though].

Don't bother talking all of it to death with everybody either. You are just giving him airtime. Pay more attention to better people and ignore this bull****.