Feelings in my head

PTH2009

Met a girl back in october. for the weekends in oct/early nov we went to town,chat on msn and all that. we were not bf/gf although we held hands and kissed a few times. Then in late November i discovered she blocked me on msn, wont answer her phone and this went on for two weeks with me feeling very down with myself. Then out of the blue she emailed me saying. i made her feel uncomterble holding hands, hugging her for too long, that she felt uncomterble that i bought her stuff and got her free into the cinema (i work there and get free passses) and that she was underpressure due to the leaving cert. That email was sent the 8th dec and we started back talking on msn and on the phone. She got me an xmas present that i siad thanks for and she accepted it.

Then for the past week she wasant replying much on msn. Yesterday we were talking on msn and i asked her something and she would not reply to it and she went offline and i started to panic and i rang her and left a message saying Please dont ****ing hate me, with me forgetting that she was stuyding and she came back on msn and siad she didnt want to be getting messages and telling her to hurry up. She was saying stuff like she felt annoyed people shouting behind her and me on the phone leaving messages shouting. We then chatted on msn and she went to away and then went offline. Then i discoverd she had blocked me again even though i siad i was sorry and didnt mean to shout on the phone. Im after getting thrown out of my house because im so upset about it and annoyed at myself for letting this happen. My parents siad there not going to talk to her for me because its not rite to put someone under pressure like that.

Im fearing for my life, i hate myself for what happend yesterday and im 20 now and never in a relationship and not getting off with girls in nightclubs like all my other mates. Feel like all my mates are going to leave me, that im too genourus and that im going to do something i regret.

Overheal

...Why are you fearing for your life? What happened yesterday?

You strike me as an astonishingly Insecure person with a limited sense of Self Esteem. You definitely need to work on that, regardless of what happens with this Girl.

As far as this Girl goes you need to put your feet back on the ground, you're far too anxious and its frankly terrifying Her. You wind up looking like an aggressive stalker when you're chasing her down with phonecalls when she signs off MSN. The hint is when she doesnt answer your question,

that she doesnt want to answer your question

. When a girl says No it means No. When she says Stop it means Stop. When she says you creep me out when you hold my hand, you should probably, not hold her hand.

You want something she doesnt want. And it doesnt work like that.

cafecolour

She's not interested in you. Forget her and move on, there's other fish in the sea. Don't contact her anymore. I know it's hard, but it's for the best. I'd block on MSN yourself and delete her number from phone for good measure.

Don't get too hung up on one girl like this. Move to the next one, keeping doing so until it's a mutual click.

You really nee to see a GP and get counseling for what seems to be anxiety issues. Your friends are not going to all abandon you just because you can't get a girl. However, you can't be getting yourself so worked up about a girl you get thrown out of your house(!)

PTH2009

Im 20 Male. Im been going through a tough time at the moment. About 3 weeks ago i lost my best friend because i shouted at her on the phone by accident saying Please dont ****ing hate me. I was panicaking because i had been in a row with someone the night before and didnt mean to shout at her (was talking to her on msn and she wont reply to a question and i paniced because i thought i siad something wrong) . I have apolagzed many times for it but she wont talk to me and has compelty blocked me from Msn. Then her sister who was my friend also decied to follow suite and not talk to me, block me from msn, change phone numbers etc. I am having a hard time trying to forgive myself over what happend and have numorus times tried to do things to hurt myself. My parents keep saying to me i didnt do anything wrong and the fault is with them. I work in the cinema so i see a lot of people and today went up to there other sister and asked how the two of them were and i now i should not off lol and she siad there both alrite.

Im a bit nervos because i feel im going to get an email or message from them saying I hate You, I hope you die, Youre dead to me and my family, never come near me again etc.

I just want to talk to them again and say sorry and farewell.

I have a good life outside of this, have a job, i am a youth leader, got premium tickets to Irelands rugby games etc. but this ordeal is making me a bit depressed.

Sinall

Give her some time to get over it. Friends have ups and downs, can sometimes snap at each other etc. You have apologised many times, leave it for a while and then try to contact her again. If she can't get over something that's quite small like that then she's going to have difficulty keeping friends.

PTH2009

I feel like i want to end it all. Why do people leave voicemails for me taking the piss out of me. Why cant i go out and enjoy myself.

I dont like putting my parents through this. I cant get why god is punishing me like this.

I dont want to die i knw deep down it mite get better but the lads are just going to keep getting to me until i do it.

Midnight_EG

Rather than trying to stop you, let me post this link to let you know what it's like when suicide occurs, I've gone through it for the last 3 months, it's not a good thing and I hope you realise it by some of the replies in the thread. Please look after yourself mate.

LegacyUser

Please don't harm yourself! I've spent many nights feeling the way you do. And days. You feel overwhelmed and like there's no real hope or light.

BUT it passes. It sounds like these people are scum and most likely morons and losers. Change your mobile number and only give it out to trust worthy people. If for whatever reason you can't do that - cancel your voicemail.

Don't give in. You have strength inside you that you can't possibly imagine.

Please talk to people you can trust. Talk, talk and then talk some more. Ideally, talk to a counsellor. It's helped me and carried me through the hardest times. You just have to reach out. That's all.

unreggd

Maybe have a chat with someone @ Samaritans

Phone 24/7 365: 1850 60 90 90

steddyeddy

unreggd wrote: »

Maybe have a chat with someone @ Samaritans

Phone 24/7 365: 1850 60 90 90

hey mate two great posts above mine there id recommend you follow both of them but would you like to tell us here what or who is bothering you

epgc3fyqirnbsx

It's obvious that you are in a bad situation

But I can guarantee you, that even though things might not be better for a while, if you keep your chin up and be better than the abusers, things WILL get better

I can imagine the 'lads' you are talking about, in 20 years time or f*ck it, 5 years time, they'll still be in the same little hole they've always been in.

You won't

Chin up and take the above posters advice

Victor

PTH2009 wrote: »

Why do people leave voicemails for me taking the piss out of me.

Change your number and only give the new number to people you trust. If it persists, you can make a complaint to the Garda.

Don't let the bad people win.

Overheal

The lads will only keep getting to you so long as you let them. Some people have a way of getting under our skins - its a skill that needs to be learned to take Command of those situations; and thereby build up the confidence to deal with those situations.

There's no cure-all technique that I'm aware of. I would speak to the Samaritans who may be of more help. You can also turn to religious counsel, if you would feel more comfortable. There is also of course your family that you can turn to.

merlie

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. The people who leave these messages for your to hear are horrible people and they are not normal, because normal people do not do this kind of thing.

You really need to change your number and when you get a new one, be careful whom you give it to. Harassment and bullying should not be tolerated by you or anyone.

I understand when you say you do not want to put your parents through this, but really, you should not go it alone with this issue. You do need to talk with them, as they will support and help you. If not then perhaps with a counsellor or another relation, but you do need to talk with someone over this, so action can be taken to get this all sorted out.

Nevyn

Change your phone number, don't have toxic people in your life and get some counseling and if you ever feel that low again please ring the Samaritans.

1850 60 90 90

PTH2009

I lost two dear friends in Early Jan. They wont contact me, say i scare them. I do admit i mite off tried to contact them by phone many times each day before the fall out but im like that and it wasant anything personal (i swear on my Life). I went off and got help for my anxity but i feel should i leave them off. Theres not a day goes by that i dont think of them. I have a lot of exciting things coming up in my life and want to get over them before i try and contact them again. I do miss them.

girlwitcurls

i dont understand your dilemma. can you clarify it?

PTH2009

In early Janurary i fell out with my best friend Miss Y because i painced about something and left a message saying please dont ****ing hate me on her phone as she would not reply about something on msn (i take things the wrong way sometimes).Then she blocked me on Msn and would not answer her phone (i only rang her 2 times in 2 weeks in Jan). my other best friend is her sister Miss H and i was trying to get throgh to her to try and talk to her about what happend and explain im going throgh a hard time mentally but then she decided to block me and not answer her phone and i feel like the there whole family is against me now ( i work in the ciema and they wont come near the place cause im there). I knw i probly was scaring them ( and gods honest truth i didnt knw i was contacting them too much and that i was scaring them). I had a few bad days about what happend lost my head with parents, felt very low in myself, tried to commit suicde. theres not a day goes bye that i dont think about what happend that day and i was one step closer to thinking to myself do i deserve to be alive over what i done.

I then decied to go off and get help about my anxity problems, try and move on but i feel the only way i can move on is if i redem myself. I knw i didnt commit murder or rape or anything like that but i feel so so so guilty over what happened between me and Miss Y and H.

I have a few fun things coming up in the next few weeks and i feel for me to enjoy them im not trying to get in contact with these 2 indivdials. I was thinking my be in June i will try and get into contact (miss Y has the leaving so i dont want to distract her).

Im not a bad person, There not bad people. Nobody died

LegacyUser

Hey Op i am sorry you are having a hard time
Honestly i really don't see what you did wrong friends don't just blank you things like that.And don't blank you when you are in need of a friend and also tried to tell them that you were having problems.They at least could have said its ok and hope you are ok.I know i would with my friends.
Honestly you are beating yourself up over something you didn't do and they should be ashamed of themselves.You said sorry and as you said you didn't kill anyone.I don't get how you scared them either.
Girl take care of yourself,send a text saying sorry for how you think you acted which i really don't see much of anything there.And if they don't accept or try to make contact then they are not real friends.:(
you are a good enough person to try make amends so don't be to hard on yourself.Stick with your other friends and family who are sticking by you and have understanding.
Take care of yourself don't fret to much.You been the good person you are i know it is upsetting you but they don't sound like they deserve it.

kjl

don't take this the wrong way op, but you really need to work on your articulation, I am still no closer to actually working out what happened.

From what I gather you were friends with someone, and you left them a message saying don't hate me, now she hates you. You need to clarify this post.

Is this girl your girlfriend or ex, why are you posting this in RI?

girlwitcurls

im still lost op....

PTH2009

A while ago i had two best friends they were both sisters.

I was friendly with one of them if u get me and the other sister was a good friend to me. In november 2009 i had a brief failling out with one i was friendly with because she siad i held hands too much with her, i was too smothering, i hugged for too long and that she didnt like how i bought her things (we were not dating, personally i was so nervos and desperate that i didnt knw i was doing these things). In that time she completly blocked me and i didnt hear from her for about 2 weeks ( but i have to admit i was contacting her to try and say sorry but no reply was recived until weeks later in which she siad all was to be siad and a glimer of hope for our friendship returned) She eventually came around for xmas time and we stayed in contact both on the phone and msn. I admit i was hurt about all the relationship things but i was gettiing over it. Then one day in Janurary i was really depressed and upset and i was chatting to her on msn and i completly panicked about something ( i had a fight with someone the day before and i siad it to her on msn and she would not talk to me about it and i thought i done something wrong by saying it and she blocked me and i left a voice message on her phone saying please dont ****ing hate me (i have a personal history of anxity and double crosses) and she came back online and siad she dint like how i left a message on her phone pleading and she was pissed off cause she was trying to study. I siad sorry and she then messaged back BRB and she deleted me all together and i lost my head complelty freaked out at home and ran away from home over this because i really like having this girl in my life as a friend and it crushed me . I then tried to contact her sister because when the 2 of us were having trouble that time in november she listed but she would not talk to me and blocked me a few days after.I only tried to ring one of them 2 times in janurary but they would not answer.

I have had many many nights when i went out to get drunk to try and forget about what happend and move on but even 3 months later the hurt still remains and the guilt is still there. Its all my fault if i was offline that time none of this would of happend, if i have just siad Ok girl im not feelin the best ill talk to you soon. All i want to do is see this girl once again, say i never meant to freak her out, scare her and that i went and got help and am contining to get it. ( i knw shes doing the leaving and dont want to bother her and i have a few things in my life coming up very soon that i want to enjoy).

Advice my mother gave me 'time mite heal this'. contact her soon and try and sort it out.

I am finding it hard to explain what happend sorry for your im patience.

D-Generate

Woah.... let me get this straight.... You weren't dating the girl or even anything doing anything resembling a relationship other than being friends yet you held hands with her, hugged her and bought her presents. I can see how she felt smothered! Lets face it, you are into her, she is not into you. Heck she did you a favour by blocking you because it should be clear that you need to move on!

Oh and the sister decided to block you too either because she wanted to support her sister or because she thought you might be a bit too full on.

Next time you like a girl, say it to her early so that it doesn't become some weird pseudo-friendship like you just had. Also next time, make sure you know the strength of a relationship before dumping stuff on them. In this instance I think you thought it was much stronger than it was.

PTH2009

I cant help but belive i mite be forever punished for what i done. I just want to make peace. I knw i thought something different .

What i dont get about life. A person who murdered someone can come out of jail and marry and have a second chance.

PTH2009

The only thing that is saving me is that im a youth leader and i can talk with other fellow leaders.

One thing that made me feel a bit down was becasuse yesterday i got staff member of the month for october 2009 ( the boss only gave out the prices yesterday for some reason lol dont ask why) and that was the time our friendship was at a real high and i felt like i could take on the world at that time. Woke up with a smile on my face, had someone i could talk to when i got home, someone to hang with.

Can i get back to being as happy as i was that time. I pray everyday it mite happen.

ellie1

what age are you?

I think you need some professional help for your anxiety issues.
Also you appear to have some issues with personal boundaries.

Miss Fluff

PTH2009 wrote: »

The only thing that is saving me is that im a youth leader and i can talk with other fellow leaders.

One thing that made me feel a bit down was becasuse yesterday i got staff member of the month for october 2009 ( the boss only gave out the prices yesterday for some reason lol dont ask why) and that was the time our friendship was at a real high and i felt like i could take on the world at that time. Woke up with a smile on my face, had someone i could talk to when i got home, someone to hang with.

Can i get back to being as happy as i was that time. I pray everyday it mite happen.

Yes, you can be happy again. But you can't depend on other people for your happiness. Especially not on two particular people. The sooner you overcome this fixation with the two sisters (who sound considerably younger than you), then you can work at resolving your issues and paving the way to live a happy and fulfilling life. You need to forget about these girls, the sooner you do, the better you will feel.

PTH2009

IM 20 years of age.

Dont want to mention the ages of the other people. No right to do.it.

cafecolour

Honestly, it sounds like you were liked this girl as more than a friend, and she didn't feel the same way, so your attention felt too much.

You need to let it be and get over them to be honest. It's hard to do, especially if this was you first significant 'crush', but you're not going to get anywhere trying to contact them anymore.

Move on, make new friends, you'll find another girl you're interested in. Work on the anxiety issues in the meantime so you don't come on too strong with the next girl.

PTH2009

cheers guys for the feedback. Hopefully one day it will be some what sorted

Taltos

Hi OP.

Just came across this thread now.
I can clearly see that you believe you need to have the past all resolved before you can move on. Ideally you want to have the friendships back but at a minimum you want it all to be tidied up. This is just my interpretation so maybe I am off here.

However, the reality is that life is a mess. It is a mess when we are born, it's a mess when we have our first nosebleed and it is a mess even when we plan every little detail. This is just how I view it. With this view set then you can start to think ahead.

a) What is the worst that can happen if you don't regain the friendship?
b) What is the worst that can happen if you don't resolve all with your ex-friends?
c) What is the worst...

Something to keep in mind is that outside of a few things there is very little in your life that you can control down to the tiniest degree. You might be better off learning to accept that sometimes (manytimes) things are just the way they are - and for whatever reason that is the way it is meant to be. Do however learn from it.
You say you were too smothering or too full on - learn from this - respect others space and think how they might be feeling. Don't dwell or obsess on it but at least give it a little thought.

In the meantime please continue to work on making yourself happy and dealing with your anxiety. Only worry about the things you can change - right now - you cannot change what your ex-friends think - and the more you try the worse it will get. Let them get on with their lives and please get on with your own. These little blips come up now and again - the trick is to learn how to get past them and how to prevent them from happening again.

Best of luck and seriously don't sweat the stuff you cannot change.