men staring at younger women

LegacyUser

I am going unreg for this as it's a sensitive subject for me
but desperately seeking some serious advice. i'm a 39
year old married mother of two. my husband and i are together
ten years,i'm not naive i know i've put on weight after two children
i'm 5'3 size 16 fairly average. i've noticed on many occasions my
husband ogling younger women not women his own age may i add (hes 40)
girls in their twenties in college etc,leggy young slim women
this really bugs me. what does it mean? when we go out
and these women are half dressed how can i compare? i'm not
looking for sympathy i accept that i'm getting older
but why do men seem to want young women? what
age range/type of women do ye want? are women your own age
considered old? please be honest i just want some much needed
advice!
sincerely appreciated

seahorse

I don't think a womans age is nearly as much an issue for men as the physical condition she keeps herself in.

Jumpy

Agreed, age does not mean you should let yourself go, it means you have to put in extra effort.
This goes for both sexes.
Let him stare to be honest. Its harmless and instinctive. As long as he keeps his hands off there is absolutely no issue but your own self esteem.

Snowie

op man are creatures of visual orentation.....
doesnt mean anything just means that he likes to cheack out women what man doesnt and more to the point if hes holding your habd whats your problem ?

Gran Hermano

Must be time for the daily 'relationship issues' thread again..

humberklog

I think it's rude to be doing it often and obviously in the company of your partner. Reel it in and have some manners and control.
However it is a perfectly normal habit. Why younger? Well it's purely natural rules of attraction. Younger, fitter healthier etc. Sure, sure this doesn't float everyone's boat but it does to the larger masses.
OP tell your fella he's being rude doing it in front of you. We're the same age and I would be surprised if a partner bottled it up and didn't say it directly to me if I was guilty of the same offence.
It breaks down two ways: he's doing it to stir a reaction in you or he thinks he's discrete about it. Either way it's down to you to start sorting it out with him.

Mr. Presentable

OP. Size 16 at 5'3" is not "fairly average". Put it this way - if you were a man would you look at you?

Men (and women) will look. It's not doing any harm unless the other party is uncomfortable at being "scoped". If you want him to look at you instead you need to give him a reason to.

L31mr0d

OP... it's natural. All men do it, and it is not by choice (largely, the length at which they stare should be a concern I guess if it's more than a glance). It doesn't in anyway reflect on his love or emotions for you.

For men there can be a complete distinction between the sexual attractiveness of a stranger and their feelings of love for their mate. Sexual attraction is instinctive, feelings of love and companionship are by choice.

It's a tough one to quantify really. It's like trying to define what makes a home a home. When I go on holiday I may see scenery that is beautiful to look at, but I'm still glad to be home after it and rest my head on my own pillow.

The same is true of woman, yes there are beautiful women which will distract your gaze for a moment, but that physical veneer of beauty doesn't compare to the plethora of other facets that go into why a man may love a woman.

OldGoat

I love looking at other women. I adore it. I do it all the time. Long lingering stares from head to toe and back again, often accompanied by a comment if the situation warrents it.
Older women, younger women, tall, fat, short, big boobs or tiny tits,red haired, blonde... it dosen't matter. It's my nature, it's most mens nature though most tend to hide it (or try to hide it).
Mrs.Goat knows my nature and accepts me for who I am. It was partly that lecherousness that attracted her in the first place.

You have to accept that men do this. It is not necessarly a signal that he's about to jump into bed with someone else at the fist oportunity.

Allow him his eyecandy and get on with the rest of your life together.

BigDuffman

Men look at women end of story! It just so happens that nubile young things the majority of the time tend to be draw the eye first. But just because your on a diet does not mean you cant look at the menu!

LegacyUser

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

Gran Hermano

deirdreunreg wrote: »

essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

Yes, all men are the exact same and like the exact same things. :rolleyes:

Owen

The day he stops looking at other women, he'll stop looking at you too. Take it as a sign that's he's still alive and breathing, he's a guy, it's what we do.

OldGoat

deirdreunreg wrote: »

essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

Personally no.
Some of the most exciting women I know are much much older that that. Even in my younger days I prefered the company of women to girls.

CJhaughey

Doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

Dickerty

deirdreunreg wrote: »

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

Well looking at teenagers when you are in your upward 30s doesn't feel right. So it is more likely 20 somethings, as they are generally in their prime.

It's very normal but is certainly not something he should be blatant about.

TangyZizzle

deirdreunreg wrote: »

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

Would you prefer he checks out OAP's?

Its personal taste, if youre looking for what men GERNERALLY find attractive.. yeah, its the leggy busty twenty something year old.

Personally, Ill check out most if not all girls between the age of 17-40, I am by the way 19 years old myself and have a girlfriend.

star-pants

Men are visually orientated - something looks good - they look.
To be fair I've glanced at good looking girls (ok for a different reason to guys) but sometimes it catches your eye. Same with perhaps a good looking guy, you might glance.

To most guys age isn't an issue, most of those who responded here have said as much, if you're not looking after yourself physically then yes that will affect your OH. I'm not saying you're not but just you admitted yourself you've put on some weight over the years.

If he's *Staring* at other women and being very obvious about it / not paying you any attention then yes say it to him, it's bothering you, he may not realise. If it's just a random glance - well it happens.

Has he always stared at other women this way? If he has then that's just who he is.
Others have said, if he's just looking not touching then it's not that big a deal.
You could also try seeing if you can't spice things up between ye, romantic dinner and so forth (depending on children being around etc) and make an effort that way, show him why he married you.

L31mr0d

deirdreunreg wrote: »

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

It may not really have anything to do with their age group, but more the attire they are wearing (i.e. a 21 y/o in a Burka is not going to be as visually attractive as, say, Pamela Anderson (subjective example ) running in slow motion along a beach (she's 43 now))

Chances are the women he is looking at are wearing low cut tops, short skirts, or figure hugging jeans, tops... etc.

OP men like women. They like women who look beautiful. It's perfectly normal.

Assuming that you are not just being paranoid about your husband. I think that he probably looks at all hot women. As does mine (as do I ). But I think that you are feeling very insecure about your age which is why you think that he only looks at younger women. I'm sure he doesn't look at fat ugly girls just because they are young?

On another note, and I'm going to try and be a little more tactful than a previous post . Being a size 16 at 5'3" is overweight. Maybe if you are feeling so insecure it's yourself that you need to look at and not your husband, now I know I'll get murdered for this and I'm not saying that it's right for her husband to "ogle" other women at all but this may not be about him, but rather herself. Maybe if you worked on your body confidence you mightn't feel so bad.

I agree with other posters though, if he is doing this blatantly then he is being rude.

That_Guy

All men do it as do women. You can fancy people and it's just a natural thing really.

My gf does it and I know she does. It doesn't bother me at all because I do it too. As long as you can trust each other to not pursue anything then it's something not worth worrying about.

redorblack

Its defo not an age issue, certain things will catch a guys eye, legs and lumps n bumps in the right places, you could be with the most attractive lady at the time and we will still look if something catches the eye, its only natural, ops husband obviously isn't very subtle about it and keeps getting caught looking.

LegacyUser

all replies appreciated, i know i don't look the
way i did ten years ago and i should definitely
take better care of my appearance clothes make up
figure............
i understand he has needs but for example we
went to lunch today and this couple walked in
the girl was about 25 tall slim quite stunning and eye catching
if im honest he wasnt the only man who did a double take
when she walked in. yet my husband continued to stare
right at her she was wearing a short skirt and boots but
a well covered up top. she noticed and looked
uncomfortable yet he continued i was humiliated.
but i felt a certasin anger and jealously towards her
even if i became a size 10 and took greater interest
could i or any woman my age ever compare with someone like
that 25 year old girl? once again please be brutally honest

Wibbs

OldGoat wrote: »

Personally no.
Some of the most exciting women I know are much much older that that. Even in my younger days I prefered the company of women to girls.

and I would be 40 and would look at younger women to me. See? we're all different.

Its how he looks that would be my issue. If he does this knowing it makes you uncomfortable then I wuld have an issue alright.

Dr Galen

OP don't forget that men are pre-programmed to have multiple mates. The theroy of evolution supports this. Survival of the fittest and all that. Its in our nature to maintain our genetic bloodline so to speak. Sure, socialisation over many many years has led us to the path of monogamy, but look at who were are descended from, you don't see monkeys with life partners that often do you. What your man is doing is the reminants of this behaviour. He might look at younger females more often, but thats because they represent a better mating match, i.e younger, fitter etc and more likely to children etc. OK, I'm probably theorising a bit much here, but you get my drift?

Since I met Mrs Monkey, I didn't stop being me. I've always had an eye for a good lookng lady. Like OldGoat says, old and young, tall and small etc, many different one catch my eye. Mrs Monkey knew me, and knew what I was like. I'm not rude about it though. There is an acceptable limit to a glance and when to do it. I didn't stop being me, or stop noticing a pretty woman just because I got married. If a girl thinks that following settling down, a man ( or vice versa tbh) can switch off the internal radar, they are deluding themselves.

You got some good advice above, regarding making a little more effort for him. Maybe you need to look at that, certainly your man needs to not be a cock about looking at other women too though. Thats advice that holds true for blokes btw, its not gender specific. If your a bloke and your letting yourself go just because your settled, you need to man up, get in shape and give your missus something to be proud of, its very much a two way street.

Don't let your age get you down btw, there are plenty of very sexy women of your age group around and no they are not all celebs. Your still a young woman really, far from old and decrepit, you got plenty of life in you yet. Go get im tiger

EL_Loco

my previous girlfriend would get in first actually, "ohh look at her". I wouldn't be too blatant even by myself, and less so in the company of a lady friend.

maybe you should start that. It might let him know you know what he's at. In fairness he might not even be aware how long he's looking, and that it gets to the "creepy" stage.

Snowie

deirdreunreg wrote: »

all replies appreciated, i know i don't look the
way i did ten years ago and i should definitely
take better care of my appearance clothes make up
figure............
i understand he has needs but for example we
went to lunch today and this couple walked in
the girl was about 25 tall slim quite stunning and eye catching
if im honest he wasnt the only man who did a double take
when she walked in. yet my husband continued to stare
right at her she was wearing a short skirt and boots but
a well covered up top. she noticed and looked
uncomfortable yet he continued i was humiliated.
but i felt a certasin anger and jealously towards her
even if i became a size 10 and took greater interest
could i or any woman my age ever compare with someone like
that 25 year old girl? once again please be brutally honest

mmm Yeah, now a days older women are as significanltty attractive as younger women oh and an added bonous of knowing what there at in the bed room make s the older woman a topic od most younger men. so yeah
so with age comes experence lots of younger men want that experence...

Bottle_of_Smoke

deirdreunreg wrote: »

thank you for your responses so far,
i also want to ask why doesn't he look
at women his own age? essentially do all
you guys physically prefer 20-29
age bracket? honesty needed

They're more attractive because they're more fertile.

The fertile bit is of course subconscious.

To be honest your husband sounds like a bit of a sleaze. I'm sure when I'm his age I'll be checking out 17-28 year olds to a higher proportion but I will not be leering at them to the extent they feel uncomfortable. That must be really embarrassing for you and your kids. He needs to cop on about that.

deirdreunreg

deirdreunreg wrote: »

all replies appreciated, i know i don't look the
way i did ten years ago and i should definitely
take better care of my appearance clothes make up
figure............
i understand he has needs but for example we
went to lunch today and this couple walked in
the girl was about 25 tall slim quite stunning and eye catching
if im honest he wasnt the only man who did a double take
when she walked in. yet my husband continued to stare
right at her she was wearing a short skirt and boots but
a well covered up top. she noticed and looked
uncomfortable yet he continued i was humiliated.
but i felt a certasin anger and jealously towards her
even if i became a size 10 and took greater interest
could i or any woman my age ever compare with someone like
that 25 year old girl? once again please be brutally honest

Your husband is out of order!

It would be easy for me to say confront him about it but to be honest you will probably just come across as jealous.

I was talking to my husband once about a man I know who stares at women. My husband was the one to say, "looking is fine but no man should ogle, especially when his missus is around, it's just sleazy"

On the point of looking as good as a 25 year old. Hell yeh, women can look unbelievable at any age. I have a friend who is 37, she is sickeningly gorgeous and gets chatted up wherever we go. I'm younger than her but not half as hot :pac:

Don't make excuses for losing weight based on the opinion "sure what's the point". That's the totally wrong attitude to have and it will do you no good whatsover. Why not put some effort into making yourself feel good now, instead of in 10 years wondering why the hell you didn't lose some weight when you were younger. I'm going to take a wild guess and say you're probably about 14 stone, if you lose 1lb a week starting now, this time next year you will be 10 stone and probably a size 10.

You're only 39 for feck sake, you're still young, live life!


Edit: I'm not trying to say all women should lose weight and be a perfect 10 (I'm certainly not) but all women should be happy in their bodies and I believe that you are not OP, don't take it the wrong way

CDfm

OP - I often find myself looking at young women especially blondes. Its not really intentional. My 16 y/o daughter and g/f laugh about it.

Jeez - in the past few weeks what has occupied my parent mind is how do they go out in so few clothes.

They are still children by the way in my eyes.

So I wouldnt worry about it as its probably subconcious.

On you I think you are going AAAAAAHHH nearly 40 gulp.

Neither you nor himself will ever be 20 again so put that out of your mind - you may have put on weight due to pregnancy etc and probably should tone up. Do it for yourself and not because you are trying to look like a young wan. Tone up and get fit.

Nigella Lawson has a wow factor that lots of young women only aspire.

eviltwin

I can understand why you're feeling insecure if you are worried about your own body but try not to take it personally

I'm 32 and have a teenage daughter. I know sometimes when me and her dad have picked her up he's looked twice at some of the older girls but then I've also had a look at some of the older male students.

Human nature being what it is we just look..its a primitive instinct more than anything but if he's being totally blatant about it I would say something because it is disrespectful

On a personal note when I was in my early 20's I was a big girl ( bigger than you and I'm only 5ft 1 ) I used to be paranoid about every woman my other half looked at.

I did something about it though and lost some weight. Not loads I'm now a curvy size 14 now more than 10 years and two kids later I know I look great and I know I look great. Having confidence about your looks is very sexy thing no matter what size you are. Work on building your self esteem and I'm sure your husband will start to take more notice of you.

seithon

I think the real question here should be this OP.

Is your husband still paying attention to you in more intimate matters? Or is he no longer interested there? No need to answer really just something to consider.

But as others have said young busty/leggy gals will get looks but then that is somewhat natural and lets face it most of them are dressed for and looking for that attention where as settled women might go for something comfortable rather then appealing.

If that might be the case.. then perhaps a bit of a change of fashion and some other things might be the case.. and their is always the strange idea of just having a quiet chat with your hubby about it, after all guys can be clueless sometimes so sitting and stewing rather then voicing your thoughts might not be helping especially (and I really am just extrapolating here) if that stewing were to result in poor moods or passive aggressive behavior later on down the line..

jimmyw

You will just have to accept that all straight men do this. Its just the way we are. There are some sexy looking 40, and 50 year old ladies too, some even more so than the young' uns that are just stick insects. I would prefer a women to have a bit of "meat" on her(not meaning to insult) than those skinny ones. Its just like looking at a nice pair of shoes for example. Do you OP look at good looking blokes? Nothing wrong with that either!

agentino

You asked us to be brutally honest so here goes.

I would imagine he has lost interest in you. We all check out good looking girls, however we do not stare at them. That to me signifies something psychological. I'd say he is trying to punish you either subconsciously or consciously hoping that you will do something about it.
That not to say he doesnt love you but I'd be very surprised if there is much hanky panky going on.

On the bright side if he was cheating or considering it then he would not be going out of his way to stare at good looking girls but if I was you I would be making more of an effort to shape up.

I am sorry to put it like this but 5"3 and size 16 is too big in this day and age.

redorblack

Wow there Agentino hold your horses, ''lost interest'', ''punish her'', he's just looking at attractive girls going by, we all do this, we are all here because of this attraction, its natural, just because we have these thoughts doesn't mean we have to act on them. Don't be guessing things and making OP feel worse

LegacyUser

once again thanks for the replies, to the woman who said
her husband is checking out girls at your daughters school
that really is disgraceful at least my husband conts under 18's
kids as bad as he is. our sex life is good not great could make more
of an effort but he does degrade me. we went out with friends
last thursday and for soe reason there were a group of students
maybe 21,22 and there was one girl in particular he wouldn't
take his eyes off. she appeared to be thinking it was shocking
my next question for you would be am i being unrealistic hoping to compare?
and what age group of women do you hnestly find most atractive?
called my brother who is 35 and he finds the 21-29 age group
most attractive although he would not try it on with someone
early/mid twenties once again thanks

CDfm

+ 1 redorblack 100%

humberklog

Gotta disagree there redorblack. The hubbies doing it to the point of upsetting the missus and that can't be a healthy thing. By the OP's description of the level the guys doing it, it does sound overboard and not a little cruel.

Sure we all do it but to the point of upsetting your partner?

LegacyUser

thank you for your understanding humpkerlog,
it is so hurtful and very damaging to my self esteem. i wonder do men who have
women in their lives who are committed to them realise how horrible it is, yes i can
lose weight thats a definite but i dress well and do take an interest, my marraige is so
important to me. Yet despite this even in the supermarket with our children he ogled
a young girl once again very early twenties to the point she blushed. men will glance
that's a given but he always chooses one girl to persistently ogle, maybe a mid life crisis?
or the realisation he can no longer get attention from these kind of young women?

CDfm

humberklog wrote: »

Gotta disagree there redorblack. The hubbies doing it to the point of upsetting the missus and that can't be a healthy thing. By the OP's description of the level the guys doing it, it does sound overboard and not a little cruel.

Sure we all do it but to the point of upsetting your partner?

Maybe so- I am just saying that I can be a bit gauche on occasions and its not intentional.

Could it be OP that approaching 40 you are asking what happened and where has the time gone.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and relationships grow so yes do the self improvement gig but do it for yourself.

humberklog

Bit of both by reading the OP's posts CD. Even so...if it's troubling her so much then the guys gotta be told and he should reel it in when in her company.
It is natural, it is normal, it is one of life most enjoyable passive activities but it could be used as a hurtful tool too. A gentleman should be able to be told when it's inappropriate and if it's upsetting the other half...then that's inappropriate.

humberklog

I suppose it's a bit like picking your nose. All fine and dandy and pleasurable but not something you want to be watching your partner doing. Or indeed be
watched doing!

Word of caution to the OP. Be aware that like so many little foibles that grow more obvious and annoying in a relationship; when you go pulling on that particular string be prepared that it may be attached to a larger issues that could start unravelling in front of you also.

CDfm

humberklog wrote: »

Word of caution to the OP. Be aware that like so many little foibles that grow more obvious and annoying in a relationship; when you go pulling on that particular string be prepared that it may be attached to a larger issues that could start unravelling in front of you also.

OP - there is a lot of sense there

when we become parents we look after our kids and sometimes forget that we are people too and have needs.

Remember the silly routines you did early in your relationship - well some people keep them up or try to look at life in a rose tinted way. You can decide how you feel.

Just look at this fun thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055791909

Lots of people get low self esteem - but sometimes its their own insecurities more than anything else. Look at what youncan do to be happier.

Your kids are young and so are you so its up to you to make time for your relationship.

Now if you had posted elsewhere you would have got a lot of poor you and lech etc, me at a supermarket is probably quite similar but mostly Im starring into space and Andrea Corr could be in front of me naked and I wouldnt see her. I will be working out some work issue or thinking about something else.

On the young one who got embarressed -well if she wore more clothes or was comfortable wearing what she had on then she would not have been.

You said it yourself you dress well and look well. The thought of going out with someone that I am old enough to parent would horrify me. Probably would your husband too.

So make an effort but do it for you too. Dont be comparing yourself to teenagers etc.

Smallbit

OP, all men look at other women. In my experience the problem is that some men are not very good at concealing their glances. Some get to an age where they feel they have the right to stare, while some are of the opinion that if a girl dresses provocatively then they have the right to enjoy the view. These are opinions that men have offered me when I've asked.

My boyfriend freely admits that he looks at other women that may be slimmer, taller, fatter, shorter, darker etc etc. With men it seems that variety is the spice of life. But then if I'm honest with myself, I also check out guys. Younger guys don't really do it for me, but I've no problem checking out muscular, greying, George Clooney types whenever I can.

Perhaps you just need to tell your husband to make it less obvious - if only for his own good! Women hate a perv mentally undressing them and it's only a matter of time before someone confronts him, if he's as obvious as you say.

yourdeadwright

Just a quick question, Surely women who see a nice a nice looking guy look as well, so i dont see the problem, its human nature if you see something that attracts you , you will look at it,

eviltwin

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Just a quick question, Surely women who see a nice a nice looking guy look as well, so i dont see the problem, its human nature if you see something that attracts you , you will look at it,

Of course we do. I do it all the time, I think women are just a bit less obvious about it than men. But at the end of the day we're all basically animals and we'll notice the opposite sex. Just because you fall in love doesnt mean you are dead from the waist down

LegacyUser

very wise comments cdfm. i admit i am jealous of the 20-29 group.
they do recieve far more attention than women my age, also admittedly
feel very insecure around taller slim women who are possibly fifteen years
younger than me. my husband does make point of humiliating me publicly
also the girls i mentioned he looks at are fairly respectfully dressed.
even today we went for lunch and once again he picked a girl to stare at
once again mid twenties tall slim etc
seriously considering telling him. my issue is do 40 year old mem
want women in 10/15 even 20 years younger than them? thank you
for all your replies

Emme

OP, I'm a similar age to yourself and I'm single. It is very important for women to stay in shape as we get older. We must do it first and foremost for ourselves, and then for others. I am 5'5 and a size 10-12. I eat well, I cycle, I run, I go to the gym. I make sacrifices (no overdoing it on fatty food, no beer, no sitting around on my backside watching too much TV or on boards.ie) to stay in shape but it's worth it. I'm doing it for myself and if other people appreciate it that's a bonus. I want to be able to respect myself when I look in the mirror.

It's important for men and women to be in good shape when they're older but it's more important for women because men are visual - they like something nice to look at. Men appreciate it when women keep themselves in shape - it shows self-respect.

It's probably harder to stay in shape when you're married and have children but it's not impossible. Tell your hubby you want to lose weight, get in shape and need time to join a gym or get out for a walk/run. He should support you in this. Get your hair cut if you can and get some nice clothes - they don't have to be expensive. Get yourself looking as good as possible and it won't matter as much who your hubby looks at. You decide if you're going to let yourself grow old and fade into the background or remodel yourself as a healthier, slimmer and better version of yourself. Why not start training for something like the BUPA Fun Run in March?

I'm not being horrible, but I've noticed that some women take their foot off the fitness/appearance pedal when they get married or are in a steady relationship. I know they might be busier, but it shows the height of disrespect to your husband or partner to let yourself go.

If your husband makes a habit of looking at teenage girls he'll get a name for himself as a sad old pervert. When I was a teenager there was a married middle-aged man, very well off, who used to ogle teenagers everywhere. I remember being with my mother in a shop and she told me to get out of yer man's line of vision because he was known for being fond of young girls!

Anyway, get yourself back in shape and it's never too late to take care of your appearance. If you do that your hubby should wake up and you'll feel better about yourself anyway.

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

OP, I'm a similar age to yourself and I'm single. It is very important for women to stay in shape as we get older. We must do it first and foremost for ourselves, and then for others. I am 5'5 and a size 10-12. I eat well, I cycle, I run, I go to the gym. I make sacrifices (no overdoing it on fatty food, no beer, no sitting around on my backside watching too much TV or on boards.ie) to stay in shape but it's worth it. I'm doing it for myself and if other people appreciate it that's a bonus. I want to be able to respect myself when I look in the mirror.

It's important for men and women to be in good shape when they're older but it's more important for women because men are visual - they like something nice to look at. Men appreciate it when women keep themselves in shape - it shows self-respect.

It's probably harder to stay in shape when you're married and have children but it's not impossible. Tell your hubby you want to lose weight, get in shape and need time to join a gym or get out for a walk/run. He should support you in this. Get your hair cut if you can and get some nice clothes - they don't have to be expensive. Get yourself looking as good as possible and it won't matter as much who your hubby looks at. You decide if you're going to let yourself grow old and fade into the background or remodel yourself as a healthier, slimmer and better version of yourself. Why not start training for something like the BUPA Fun Run in March?

I'm not being horrible, but I've noticed that some women take their foot off the fitness/appearance pedal when they get married or are in a steady relationship. I know they might be busier, but it shows the height of disrespect to your husband or partner to let yourself go.

If your husband makes a habit of looking at teenage girls he'll get a name for himself as a sad old pervert. When I was a teenager there was a married middle-aged man, very well off, who used to ogle teenagers everywhere. I remember being with my mother in a shop and she told me to get out of yer man's line of vision because he was known for being fond of young girls!

Anyway, get yourself back in shape and it's never too late to take care of your appearance. If you do that your hubby should wake up and you'll feel better about yourself anyway.

good advice i will certainly try i just want to make the point he doesn't ogle teenagers
never anyone under 20. but definitely seems interesed in the 20-29 group
which bothers me.

LegacyUser

i think emme makes some very valid points. i was a size 12/14 when we
married. i am most prepared to lose weight but i'm unsure if it will help.
on one occassion about six months ago we were at my aunts funeral. my cousins
daughter (absolutely beautiful looking girl could easily be a model tall slim
21 years old all the fellas in her college fancy her) anyway my husband
never really met her she came over to say hello and my husbands jaw dropped
to the floor he stared at her throughout the service and constantly in
pub we went to afterwards. my own mother commented on it. hes been
asking about her since you should tell her mam to bring her with her
when she visits? and god shes a beautiful looking girl? she noticed him
staring at her and i think she felt sorry for me. i know for a fact he
has a huge crush on her i think he mentions her at least once a week
would you agree having a crush on a young relative is very degrading?

agentino

OP,
The post above this is the best advice you will get in a longtime.

I want to reply to this from an earlier poster to my first post on the topic

"Wow there Agentino hold your horses, ''lost interest'', ''punish her'', he's just looking at attractive girls going by, we all do this, we are all here because of this attraction, its natural, just because we have these thoughts doesn't mean we have to act on them. Don't be guessing things and making OP feel worse"

I'd say Redback did not read the whole thread. From my undersatanding the chap is staring at girls for an extended period and not just looking at them.
I am assuming you would not be raising it if it was not an issue for you. Why do you not take it up with your partner. Not in a confontational way but ask him if he does not find you attractive any longer and what can you do to turn that around.

Marriages and relationships take a lot of work and we sometimes take our partners need's for granted