looking for advice

sugardan

Hello apologies if i shouldn't have posted this in this
forum but really need some sound advice. I'm in my mid
30's, considered attractive and successful. Recently saw a girl
love at first sight shes stunning 5'8' slim long hair BEAUTIFUL
about 21 y/o, shesa student i have seen her around a few times and would love to ask her
out but i'm worried she has a bf or is to young what do ye think?
thanks in advance:)

Dinky2191

Do u work wid her r wat?

sugardan

no shes a student just randomly see her around

Novella

Perhaps you should get to know her, you know, be on speaking terms etc. before you just ask her out. She might be a bit taken aback if a guy she doesn't really know asks her out.

Also, maybe if you post this in Personal Issues / Relationship Issues, you'll get a better response.

sugardan

Novella wrote: »

Perhaps you should get to know her, you know, be on speaking terms etc. before you just ask her out. She might be a bit taken aback if a guy she doesn't really know asks her out.

Also, maybe if you post this in Personal Issues / Relationship Issues, you'll get a better response.

thanks really appreciate your advice am a bit worried about the age gap

Dilynnio

Age is only a number!

My partner is 18 yrs older then me and I am 27!

The worst that can happen is that she says no!

Good Luck!

Silverfish

Moved from tll.

Dinky2191, please don't use txtspeak thanks

Novella

sugardan wrote: »

thanks really appreciate your advice am a bit worried about the age gap

Age gap bothers some people, it doesn't bother others so it's hard to say! I'm twenty and personally, age gap wouldn't be too much of an issue for me. If I like someone, I like them and age is just a number.

Where do you see her around? On nights out? If so, you could just approach her, say hi, buy her a drink or whatever and see how that goes.

sugardan

Hello, i really need some advice. i'm in my mid thirties, considered
attractive and successful. Recently saw this girl love at first sight
shes stunning 5'8 slim long hair BEAUTIFUL, i'm crazy about her
shes 21 and a student, should iask her out? i dont want to put her off
but is she to young even if she hasnt a b/f thanks in advance

Sanjuro

To be honest, OP, considering you're in your mid-thirties, and she's in her early twenties, I do think the age gap might present a problem. Not that it's wrong or anything like that, but I reckon you'll be just in two completely different states of mind. I'm 28 now, but I know when I was 21, I was a completely different person. In terms of priorities, attitude and personality. I'm not saying it wouldn't work out between ye, but I wouldn't hold out much hope unless you both want pretty similar things in life. Which, I suppose is the same with all relationships, no matter what the age.

sugardan

very grateful for any sound advice

sugardan

Silverfish wrote: »

Moved from tll.

Dinky2191, please don't use txtspeak thanks

sorry about that

sugardan

Novella wrote: »

Age gap bothers some people, it doesn't bother others so it's hard to say! I'm twenty and personally, age gap wouldn't be too much of an issue for me. If I like someone, I like them and age is just a number.

Where do you see her around? On nights out? If so, you could just approach her, say hi, buy her a drink or whatever and see how that goes.

i've seen her aroud the local shops etc saw her in a bar
she looked so beautiful had to pick my jaw off the floor.
shes often with friends and fellas are always staring at her

edwardevans

Hey there,
I'd definitely go to it! Like said earlier, some people might be bothered by the age gap, but in that case she'll just say so.
Pickin up someone you've been thinking about and have no experience with is difficult. I reckon you gotta go for it in a way that is non threatening and focused on the "im intrigued by you and wana just get to know you a bit" part. That way you're just a guy being friendly and you're actually talking to her, so after that it'll happen or it won't.
If you see her at the bar ask some stupid question, just to get the conversation going, maybe buy her a drink if she'll buy you one back : )
After that, maybe she's a bitch! you won't know until ya get in there. Age isn't everything, but either is beauty.
Defo go for it tho

edwardevans

ps, if you do approach, please lemme know how this goes, im 21 myself, but im routing for ya!!

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I went out with a guy 14 years older than me for 5 years. Biggest mistake of my life. It just doesn't work, well it didn't for us anyway, we were both at completely different stages of life, all he wanted to do was work or relax, all I wanted to do was be a young person, partying till all hours and generally having a ball. Unfortunately I wasted 5 years of my life waiting for him to come home from work or babysitting his daughter, I couldn't have any friends because he thought most people my age were idiots and made me feel stupid for wanting friends, in fact one time I said I just wanted friends like in the t.v. series and he told me that didn't exist! Well we broke up and thankfully I've had an absolute ball since then. Basically I think it's very easy to charm and trick a 20 year old when you're 34 but you shouldn't. I think ultimately he was a very selfish person (lots of other stuff I won't go into). I hope you're not like that too but do you really think a 20 year old stunner should be going out with you or should she be out having fun with her own age group? I'm not saying that it would by like that with you but it is very easy to manipulate someone that age. Have a good think about this one, would it bother you to think that she might end up hating your guts and wishing she never met an old man because she wasted so much time? That's just my view and I'm very biased so please read all the other answers too. Best of luck to you and also to her, hope it works out for you no matter what you decide.

Wibbs

Sanjuro wrote: »

To be honest, OP, considering you're in your mid-thirties, and she's in her early twenties, I do think the age gap might present a problem. Not that it's wrong or anything like that, but I reckon you'll be just in two completely different states of mind.

That would be my concern too. Not so much the numbers as it were. IMHO a 30 yr old and a 60 yr old may have more in common, than a 35 yr old and a 21 yr old. People differ so much though and its only one aspect of the relationship.

sugardan

edwardevans wrote: »

ps, if you do approach, please lemme know how this goes, im 21 myself, but im routing for ya!!

thanks for that will definitely let you know,
the fact that shes beautiful is an obvious reason im attracted
to her but she looks really gentle would be more likely
to see her in shops/restaurants any advice on how to approach her?
p.s. have seen loads of fellas staring at her she probably turns down fellas
all the time

wylo

Id go with the above post even though its very biased, I think age gaps only start becoming ok in a relationship when the younger person reaches their late 20s or 30s and have their head completely screwed on regarding what they want in a relationship.
To think in 4 or 5 years she might want to be going out every weekend, or hanging about with friends at the weekend and you'll be 40. Maybe you'll be the same but I doubt it.
On saying that , its her decision, and 21 year olds are perfectly grown up and are well able to make decisions, shes not 16.

sky5

Well many of my friends are 21 and are all with guys their
own age from college etc. Good luck though and let us
know wat happens maybe try smiling and see if she responds

cafecolour

As the above poster alludes to, there can be a pretty big danger when an older person dates a much younger person (and I've seen it with every sort of gender combo involved) - the older one will end up being very controlling and jealous. Part of this is fear (she's going to leave me for someone her own age), part of it is emotional immaturity, part of it is a lot of people who date younger folks do so entirely because they can dominate them.

This doesn't mean thats you, it does mean if you do want to do this, you need to make sure you have the emotional maturity and strength for it. The advice columnist dan savage has coined the 'campsite rule' for dating younger folks - essentially leave them better off than you found them.

Also, if yer handle is indicative of some sort of 'sugar daddy' complex, that's not boding well in your favor.

Having said this, I'm actually in my mid 30s and have dated a few early 20 somethings. They were fun and all, but none lasted more than a few months because we were in two different places.

The younger ones did most of the pursuing of me though - that was important for me, I didn't want to feel like I was persuading. Has she given any indications that she's at all interested in you?

Taltos

I''d be more concerned at this.

sugardan wrote: »

Recently saw this girl love at first sight

&

sugardan wrote: »

i'm crazy about her

I don't feel comfortable reading this. Do you even know her?
What her likes are - what she enjoys doing etc?

In terms of age gap relationships - they can and do work. But in my experience I only see it working where both partners are fully matured before entering into it - it can have a lot to do with life experiences etc.
In terms of this woman (not girl) she might be very mature for her age while you on the other-hand might not be for your age - but as as result between the both of you might be quite suitable.

However, why rush into things? Why not get to know her first and let her know how you feel if you still feel that way after a few weeks?

A quiet one

sky5 wrote: »

Well many of my friends are 21 and are all with guys their
own age from college etc. Good luck though and let us
know wat happens maybe try smiling and see if she responds

I knew a 20 yerar old girl who fell for a 34 year old (who, incidentally was also semi-invalid).
But a social connection enabled the initial introduction in the first place.

You have to catch her eye and ask yourself, is her returned gaze is telling you she fancies you too? Is it just that she's looking at you in a friendly, respectful to the older generation way, or is there a certain twinkle to it?

Be careful about blurting out that you fancy her. Many girls find it unsettling when it's totally unexpected.

You could try approaching one of her friends. But be truthful with the friend. If feedback seems positive, try to set up a meet elsewhere. (pub, park, nightclub, skating rink) Of course there's a risk with the friend route. The friend could be not a real friend. One who will just use you as part of her socio-political battle ground with other girls and this girl in particular.

So maybe the best approach is to straight-out ask her out. No need to tell her you fancy her right away. An invite like that sorta says so for you.

Ickle Magoo

OP, why don't you ask her out and let her decide? She's an adult, I'm sure she has a good idea of the kind of guy she goes for and the age range she likes, let her make the choice.

Going crazy over someone 15yrs your junior at 35 sounds a bit more mid-life crises-ish than actually finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with to me. In saying that, large age gaps can & do work and presumably a percentage of them fell in love at first sight. Best of luck, either way.

sugardan

A quiet one wrote: »

I knew a 20 yerar old girl who fell for a 34 year old (who, incidentally was also semi-invalid).
But a social connection enabled the initial introduction in the first place.

You have to catch her eye and ask yourself, is her returned gaze is telling you she fancies you too? Is it just that she's looking at you in a friendly, respectful to the older generation way, or is there a certain twinkle to it?

Be careful about blurting out that you fancy her. Many girls find it unsettling when it's totally unexpected.

You could try approaching one of her friends. But be truthful with the friend. If feedback seems positive, try to set up a meet elsewhere. (pub, park, nightclub, skating rink) Of course there's a risk with the friend route. The friend could be not a real friend. One who will just use you as part of her socio-political battle ground with other girls and this girl in particular.

So maybe the best approach is to straight-out ask her out. No need to tell her you fancy her right away. An invite like that sorta says so for you.

no grateful for all advice, the girls i see her with
wouldnt be in her league at all, she really looks like a
model so there could be a bitchy element
do you think its orth a try?

LegacyUser

sugardan wrote: »

no grateful for all advice, the girls i see her with
wouldnt be in her league at all, she really looks like a
model so there could be a bitchy element
do you think its orth a try?

I think if you did this my friend you would one brave man. I dont want to put you off or anything but to me thats a scary scenario: Walking up to a girl youve never spoken to before and asking her out. I mean in an ideal world there would be no problem with something like that. In fact, from what Ive heard, this is the way they do things in New York anyway. See someone you like, walk up ask 'em out, no problem, perfectly normal. But this is Ireland and unfortunately the rules of engagement are different here.
I was in the same position as you. I saw this girl in the gym I go to and she was lovely, I really wanted to talk to her but I never got the opportunity, there was never a context. But Like I said, had it been New York, it wouldve been perfectly acceptable for me to walk up to this girl and just ask her out, no context or previous contact required. The problem with doing something like that here in Ireland is you run the risk of the girl thinking youre a weirdo. And thats a legimate concern. People will tell you to go for it, nothing ventured nothing gained and all that, but these are the very same people, who if someone approached them that they didnt know and asked them out they'd think: Weirdo!! My ex girlfriend was a really good looking girl and guys would approach her all the time: In shops, at bus stops, in cafes, out walking in the park.......She had no time for any of them and dismissed them all as weirdos. Which I know sounds harsh and makes her sound like a bitch but she wasnt, she was a nice, regular girl. She was just conditioned to think and act a certain way in social situations, like most of us. And when people act differently to the social norms, they are branded weird or crazy or whatever.
Its a tough one though and I wish you all the luck in the world. But tread carefully and dont make any grand declarations or come on too strong. It'll be exicting at the very least, asking out someone you dont know at all, and regardless of what the answer is, at the very least you know you were brave. Best of luck.

p.s. dont worry about the age difference, its been my experience that women are a bit more mature than men anyway. Every girlfriend ive had has been younger than me and it was grand and every one of my friends' girlfriends is younger than them. So dont let that stop you.

sugardan

best_of_luck wrote: »

I think if you did this my friend you would one brave man. I dont want to put you off or anything but to me thats a scary scenario: Walking up to a girl youve never spoken to before and asking her out. I mean in an ideal world there would be no problem with something like that. In fact, from what Ive heard, this is the way they do things in New York anyway. See someone you like, walk up ask 'em out, no problem, perfectly normal. But this is Ireland and unfortunately the rules of engagement are different here.
I was in the same position as you. I saw this girl in the gym I go to and she was lovely, I really wanted to talk to her but I never got the opportunity, there was never a context. But Like I said, had it been New York, it wouldve been perfectly acceptable for me to walk up to this girl and just ask her out, no context or previous contact required. The problem with doing something like that here in Ireland is you run the risk of the girl thinking youre a weirdo. And thats a legimate concern. People will tell you to go for it, nothing ventured nothing gained and all that, but these are the very same people, who if someone approached them that they didnt know and asked them out they'd think: Weirdo!! My ex girlfriend was a really good looking girl and guys would approach her all the time: In shops, at bus stops, in cafes, out walking in the park.......She had no time for any of them and dismissed them all as weirdos. Which I know sounds harsh and makes her sound like a bitch but she wasnt, she was a nice, regular girl. She was just conditioned to think and act a certain way in social situations, like most of us. And when people act differently to the social norms, they are branded weird or crazy or whatever.
Its a tough one though and I wish you all the luck in the world. But tread carefully and dont make any grand declarations or come on too strong. It'll be exicting at the very least, asking out someone you dont know at all, and regardless of what the answer is, at the very least you know you were brave. Best of luck.

p.s. dont worry about the age difference, its been my experience that women are a bit more mature than men anyway. Every girlfriend ive had has been younger than me and it was grand and every one of my friends' girlfriends is younger than them. So dont let that stop you.

thanks for that your right i am worried about walking up to
her we dont travel in the same circles so asking her seems
like the only way last time i saw her was two weeks ago
in a restaurant she was with friends she was walking away and one of them called
her even her names perfect.......it would be less intimidating if she
wasn't so damn beautiful

Silverfish

sugardan wrote: »

thanks for that your right i am worried about walking up to
her we dont travel in the same circles so asking her seems
like the only way last time i saw her was two weeks ago
in a restaurant she was with friends she was walking away and one of them called
her even her names perfect.......it would be less intimidating if she
wasn't so damn beautiful

C'mon, take her down off the pedestal for a bit, that'll get you nowhere

What you have to remember is she's just a person, just like me or you or anyone on the street. She's probably self-conscious about her legs or her teeth or her toenails. She may be self conscious about anything. I'd say she doesn't think she's perfect at all.
You need to remember she more than likely does have faults, and glorifying her at this stage will just make YOU feel more nervous.

She might not be fighting off guys at all, in fact, if you read PI a bit, you'll see its a recurring theme that lots of good looking girls don't get approached at all - for this very reason.

So, strike up a conversation the next opportunity you get. Remember that she's human. I wouldn't worry about the age gap either.

sugardan

very sound advice. the time i saw her in the bar was with three
mates they all stared and commented on how lovely she is
the youngest fella being 28 said "why even try with a girl
like that" must admit felt a little protective of her as one
of them said what he'd like to do with her sorta gave him
a good tellin off

LegacyUser

I think the age gap is too much. Imagine when she was 4 you were 18 (or so)... Hmmmmm thats not cool..

A quiet one

sugardan wrote: »

no grateful for all advice, the girls i see her with
wouldnt be in her league at all, she really looks like a
model so there could be a bitchy element
do you think its orth a try?

Yes; But her friends bitchy potential bares no reflection with where they are "in her league"
It might be healthier for you to look at her slightly differently. Look for a flaw. She wont always look so good, look for the start of the decay. You'll need that if she rejects you, so as to minimise the sense of loss.

I'm not so sure about Silverfish's "strike up a conversation" suggestion (everything else being faultless) The thing is, if you're striking up a conversation with view to asking her out you're it can go 2 ways.
1) She sees the ulterior motive, but is flattered and plays along.
2) She sees the ulterior motive and you freak her out.

Whereas striking up a very limited conversation might serve you well.
you: Hi, I'm ... (your name)
See how she reacts; see if it suggests potential for further exchange

you: I've seen you around a few times...
Further checks

All been well;
you: Care to go out for a drink sometime.
(ensure you have a clear exit; You don't want to be falling over a chair in a rush to not be around her if she reacts badly.);)

sugardan

thanks thats very helpful, not assuming her friends are bitchy
its just physically they cant compare to her.
i think if/when she would say no there would
be a definite sense of loss shes been all i think
about. ex girlfriends were not like her
considering saying something next time i see her...........yikes!!!

paddles

i dated a guy once many years ago, when i was 22 and he was 35. i'd NEVER have thought i would but we'd been house sharing first so knew each other a little while. sometimes i thought he was very "old" in his views, attitudes etc and i felt like a bit of a kid but we did have a nice relationship for a couple of months. didn't last though and i believe the age gap was the issue. funny thinking about it now as i'm mid 30's and still feel like that 22y.o "kid" and would die if i was considerd "old" but if course I prob am to some 22 year olds

good luck though

daisybelle2008

sugardan wrote: »

no grateful for all advice, the girls i see her with
wouldnt be in her league at all, she really looks like a
model so there could be a bitchy element
do you think its orth a try?

sugardan wrote: »

very sound advice. the time i saw her in the bar was with three
mates they all stared and commented on how lovely she is
the youngest fella being 28 said "why even try with a girl
like that" must admit felt a little protective of her as one
of them said what he'd like to do with her sorta gave him
a good tellin off

I find your infatuation a little creepy, not just the age difference but your idealisation of her and I can't believe you gave your mate a telling off about his normal healthy reaction to a good looking girl he does not know.
My mates and I might joke about what we would like to do to a good looking guy, if one of them got defensive about his honour I would think it bloody strange.
You don't even know her but have decided her friends may be jealous bitches and that she is gentle and needs protection. It is not healthy to be projecting all that emotion on someone you have never met or spoken to. It just isn't.
I used to find this attention creepy when I was younger. I would never go near these older guys and considered them a bit lecherous tbh. God it brings back some bad memories, babysitting dads telling me their troubles,how they felt about me and trying it on. Yuk.

dixiefly

Best of luck. I know from my own experience that you can build up a person in your own mind way beyond what they really are.
Your problem is that a. she seems to have a lot of admirers and b. the age gap is significant considering her age as previously stated.

Your challenge is to get into situations where she sees you around as a normal person without actually stalking her. Then when you are sure that she recognises you, you can approach her and ask her if she would like to meet you for a coffee sometime. This is not the ideal way but you seem to want to get moving on it fairly quickly. A better option would be to have some social/ business connection but that could be difficult to engineer.

You should go for it. As has been stated here you have nothing to lose. Even if she rejects you, her additude in doing so may demonstrate that she is not as perfect as you have built her up to be.

sugardan

dixiefly wrote: »

Best of luck. I know from my own experience that you can build up a person in your own mind way beyond what they really are.
Your problem is that a. she seems to have a lot of admirers and b. the age gap is significant considering her age as previously stated.

Your challenge is to get into situations where she sees you around as a normal person without actually stalking her. Then when you are sure that she recognises you, you can approach her and ask her if she would like to meet you for a coffee sometime. This is not the ideal way but you seem to want to get moving on it fairly quickly. A better option would be to have some social/ business connection but that could be difficult to engineer.

You should go for it. As has been stated here you have nothing to lose. Even if she rejects you, her additude in doing so may demonstrate that she is not as perfect as you have built her up to be.

definitely need to get prepared for rejection
would die of shock if she said yes
in relation to what daisybelle2008 said maybe
it's not fair on her older men asking her out.
have noticed she looks very sad sometimes
btw have never approached a woman much younger than me

daisybelle2008

sugardan wrote: »

definitely need to get prepared for rejection
would die of shock if she said yes
in relation to what daisybelle2008 said maybe
it's not fair on her older men asking her out.
have noticed she looks very sad sometimes
btw have never approached a woman much younger than me

Is there something else going on in your life that is troubling you or you are unhappy about. Usually find there was an element of escapism from your own unhappiness in all this projecting and idealisation. Like you don't really see her as a person but build her up as a fantasy solution to a mid-life crisis or dissatisfaction with yourself/situation.

Black Magic

sugardan wrote: »

Recently saw this girl love at first sight
shes stunning 5'8 slim long hair BEAUTIFUL, i'm crazy about her
shes 21

It's not acceptable.

Gay Byrne is an OAP. He walks down Leeson Street one day. He sees a beautiful Thai girl who looks about 20. He thinks she's stunning and is crazy about her. It's love at first sight.

He likes what he sees. She probably doesn't. Of course older men will always be attracted to younger and fresher girls but it would not be right.

sugardan

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Is there something else going on in your life that is troubling you or you are unhappy about. Usually find there was an element of escapism from your own unhappiness in all this projecting and idealisation. Like you don't really see her as a person but build her up as a fantasy solution to a mid-life crisis or dissatisfaction with yourself/situation.

not in the slightest im very happy would consider myself very lucky
great job great friends been dating women casually no one has
taken my interest like her

Agent J

Black Magic wrote: »

It's not acceptable.

Gay Byrne is an OAP. He walks down Leeson Street one day. He sees a beautiful Thai girl who looks about 20. He thinks she's stunning and is crazy about her. It's love at first sight.

He likes what he sees. She probably doesn't. Of course older men will always be attracted to younger and fresher girls but it would not be right.

Nuts to that.

Age of consent is what 17?

Personally i would put the bar at 18 ie an actual adult but if its 2 consenting adults then that is it as far as the law is concerned.

As long as the OP goes in with their Eyes open and aware of the implications raised by other posters then why in the hell not?

Better to ask and get shot down then wonder what might have been.

Zaph

Threads merged. OP, please don't start the same thread in more than one forum or they will be closed. Thanks.

sugardan

Zaph wrote: »

Threads merged. OP, please don't start the same thread in more than one forum or they will be closed. Thanks.

sorry about that didnt know to post it here, was advised earlier.

sugardan

sugardan wrote: »

not in the slightest im very happy would consider myself very lucky
great job great friends been dating women casually no one has
taken my interest like her

i'm very aware of the age gap has been my biggest
hesitation i'd say theres possible a fifteen year age gap
and dont in any way want to upset her. do ye think
this is unrealistic and i'm being ridiculous? i know
its a big ask a young beautiful girl gong for someone
a fair bit older.

Jessica-Rabbit

sugardan wrote: »

i'm very aware of the age gap has been my biggest
hesitation i'd say theres possible a fifteen year age gap
and dont in any way want to upset her. do ye think
this is unrealistic and i'm being ridiculous? i know
its a big ask a young beautiful girl gong for someone
a fair bit older.

Hi OP I dont want to sound harsh but I must be honest. When I was 22 (24now) I dated a guy who was 11 years older than me..it didnt work out for lots of reasons but the main reason was he was so full on ( after 3months he was saying he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me ect..)which really put me off him and no offence but you yourself sound to be very full on .. I mean its border line stalker terrority.. your saying its love at first sight your protecitve of her ect.You also seem to think you know her saying she is sad sometimes and is very gentle and you now know her name which gives me the impression you are following her, i mean it would be very diffrent if you were in the same circles or worked in the same building but you say to just see her around town now unless you town is tiny you couldnt possibly see her that much unless you are following her .. you dont really know her you just have let your mind run away with itself I get the feeling if you were with her you could be very possive and insecure.(im speaking from experience with my ex,) now while im not saying you would be .. for all I know you could be the opposite but reading all you thread you do seen to be obsessed with this woman.. and to be honest it may not work out .. there seems to be a big age gap so you guys would be on very diffrent pages. My adivce overall is to leave this girl alone for your sake and for hers. try to meet someone in your age bracket.. they guy im now with is 5 years older than me and it works really well maybe you should try some in that age group

sugardan

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

Hi OP I dont want to sound harsh but I must be honest. When I was 22 (24now) I dated a guy who was 11 years older than me..it didnt work out for lots of reasons but the main reason was he was so full on ( after 3months he was saying he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me ect..)which really put me off him and no offence but you yourself sound to be very full on .. I mean its border line stalker terrority.. your saying its love at first sight your protecitve of her ect.You also seem to think you know her saying she is sad sometimes and is very gentle and you now know her name which gives me the impression you are following her, i mean it would be very diffrent if you were in the same circles or worked in the same building but you say to just see her around town now unless you town is tiny you couldnt possibly see her that much unless you are following her .. you dont really know her you just have let your mind run away with itself I get the feeling if you were with her you could be very possive and insecure.(im speaking from experience with my ex,) now while im not saying you would be .. for all I know you could be the opposite but reading all you thread you do seen to be obsessed with this woman.. and to be honest it may not work out .. there seems to be a big age gap so you guys would be on very diffrent pages. My adivce overall is to leave this girl alone for your sake and for hers. try to meet someone in your age bracket.. they guy im now with is 5 years older than me and it works really well maybe you should try some in that age group

i appreciate your honesty. i've never followed her
have possibly seen her 6 times in four months
as i said the age gap is of great concern
and the last thing i want to do is frighten her
in anyway.

Jessica-Rabbit

sugardan wrote: »

i appreciate your honesty. i've never followed her
have possibly seen her 6 times in four months
as i said the age gap is of great concern
and the last thing i want to do is frighten her
in anyway.

I understand OP and in a way its sweet that you feel this way .. but look at from a realistic point of view.. there is a big age gap and it is likley that insecureities will set in.. she will want to go out with friends her age and will you really fit in with 20 somethings when your in your mid 30's ,, if your were 30 or aproaching 30 it would be very diffrent but your in your mid 30's so its a big gap there.. and she will more than likely get bored..
I would really advice you to wait till you meet someone older for your own sake..

sugardan

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

I understand OP and in a way its sweet that you feel this way .. but look at from a realistic point of view.. there is a big age gap and it is likley that insecureities will set in.. she will want to go out with friends her age and will you really fit in with 20 somethings when your in your mid 30's ,, if your were 30 or aproaching 30 it would be very diffrent but your in your mid 30's so its a big gap there.. and she will more than likely get bored..
I would really advice you to wait till you meet someone older for your own sake..

i do appreciate your honesty. i've known it's A longshot
very unlikely to happen. i just want to assure you that
i have never stalked her nor would i do wish she was
a bit older (or that i was a lot younger) your advice be
to leave it?

Emme

sugardan wrote: »

i appreciate your honesty. i've never followed her
have possibly seen her 6 times in four months
as i said the age gap is of great concern
and the last thing i want to do is frighten her
in anyway.

Sugardan, you've only seen this girl 6 times in 4 months. Has it been from a distance on all 6 occasions? Have you ever spoken to this girl? Does she always hang out with other people her own age? You say her friends aren't in her league but that isn't your concern, you should be more concerned with whether you are in her league. It seems that you are not in her social circle either, you would have a much better chance if you were. It's up to you whether you should approach her or not but if you go up to her without an introduction from a mutal friend and ask her out you risk being knocked back big time or worse, being regarded as a weirdo or a stalker.

Your best bet is to try and find somebody who knows you both and can introduce you to her and take it from there.

As for the person who made the comment about Gay Byrne, he is married to Kathleen Watkins and therefore shouldn't be chasing after 20 year old girls from Thailand or anywhere else!

Jessica-Rabbit

sugardan wrote: »

i do appreciate your honesty. i've known it's A longshot
very unlikely to happen. i just want to assure you that
i have never stalked her nor would i do wish she was
a bit older (or that i was a lot younger) your advice be
to leave it?

Well I dont know you and I am sorry I assumed your were following her it just came across that way from your threads.. I have no right to tell you what to do either way the only one that can make that decision is you.. but what I would advice you to do is to be very realistic about this.. It may work out for the best ..I mean look at Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas... but there is a strong chance it won't.. and it may lead to a lot of unnessary hurt.. also the fact that you really have put your heart on your seleve so early on is a bit scary.. you did say there would be a loss if she said no.. shows that you are comming on very strong .. you dont know her and yet you have all these ideas .. and the reality is that she may not live up to your expections if she agrees to go out with you or you could turn very possesive and insecure..either way it dosent seem like it will work either way,, but if you do decide to ask her out I do wish you all the best but make sure you are well prepared if she says no..

sugardan

Jessica-Rabbit wrote: »

Well I dont know you and I am sorry I assumed your were following her it just came across that way from your threads.. I have no right to tell you what to do either way the only one that can make that decision is you.. but what I would advice you to do is to be very realistic about this.. It may work out for the best ..I mean look at Catherine Zeta Jones and Micheal Douglas... but there is a strong chance it won't.. and it may lead to a lot of unnessary hurt.. also the fact that you really have put your heart on your seleve so early on is a bit scary.. you did say there would be a loss if she said no.. shows that you are comming on very strong .. you dont know her and yet you have all these ideas .. and the reality is that she may not live up to your expections if she agrees to go out with you or you could turn very possesive and insecure..either way it dosent seem like it will work either way,, but if you do decide to ask her out I do wish you all the best but make sure you are well prepared if she says no..

theres nothing to apologise for i know what i'd think
if someone said it to me. Have been in a few serious
relationships never felt that spark. im assuming a lot
about this girl but i think shes absolutely perfect
tbh i dont expect her to say yes probably shouldnt
ask her (probably wont have the courage) but must
stress i've never been interested in much younger
women before

Jessica-Rabbit

sugardan wrote: »

theres nothing to apologise for i know what i'd think
if someone said it to me. Have been in a few serious
relationships never felt that spark. im assuming a lot
about this girl but i think shes absolutely perfect
tbh i dont expect her to say yes probably shouldnt
ask her (probably wont have the courage) but must
stress i've never been interested in much younger
women before

There is nothing wrong with being intrerested in a yourger woman .. most men are.. and one peice of advice nobody is perfect no matter how perfect tthey seem .. this is what I mean by having un realistic expectaions about someone. to really love someone you must know their flaws and accept them.. if you really beleive she is perfect and you find her flaws will you really be able to accept them..