Pre-Martial Course

Future 2050

I need to book a pre-martial course. I dont know anything about this. Could someone give me an insight into this. I seen avalon website for a course but other than that I do not no much. Thanks much appreciated.

smelltheglove

We went to a private course in Maynooth. I cant remember the name of the place but if you were to pass Tesco going towards Maynooth it is on your left hand side, above a chemist or photo shop I think before you get to the main street. It was well worth it, 3 hours and we actually had a great laugh.

St James

pre martial or pre marital?

huge difference, although some might disagree!!

Seillejet

We used Accord pre marriage course in Lucan. It was a Friday evening and a full day on a Saturday. It cost about €100 two years ago and was a must for our priest to marry us.

Church has moved on a bit and they were keen to show us this initially. They did this through workshops and group sessions.

However in the last hour when everyone was knackered and just wanted out that's when we were hit with the strong doctrine stuff so its all fun and workshops.

Hope this helps.

Toots

I did the accord one back in may. It was a must to get married in the church. Depending on your church, some will let you attend any pre-marriage course of your choosing, however our church insisted on Accord.

We booked online, and the courses fill up early so if you want a weekend I'd advise you book well in advance. It was €200, which I think is a complete rip off. It was a friday night from 8 til 10, then 10 til 5 on the Saturday. It wasn't too heavy on the religious stuff, and the priest who came in to chat to us was lovely. The family planning section was completely laughable though, a lot of misinformation given. I mean a 6th year biology student could have given more accurate info.

All in all we did get some good out of it, but I definitely wouldn't be keen to do another!

How Strange

I'm so glad we're having a civil ceremony. I couldn't imagine having to sit through a such a idiotic course in this day and age. It's just a money racket. If it was so successful there'd be zero marital breakdown, separation or divorce.

Toots

I think there was some good tips to be gotten out of it, however I think the whole course could be condensed into as couple of hours, like a half day seminar. And the €200, frankly I can't see where they got that figure from!! It's a racket if you ask me (although my OH hit the roof when I said that, we're like chalk and cheese where religion is concerned!) but a lot of churches still insist on the Accord course, so a lot of couples have no choice but to pay this.

There were 15 couples on the course with me so our group brought in €3000, now say what you want, there's no way running that seminar costs anything close to that. If it was a one-on-one session, it would be a different story. I know Accord do provide counselling services etc, but would it not be better to charge couples what it costs to cover the course, plus maybe an extra €15 or so a head, and then ask that they make a donation of whatever they can afford.

smelltheglove

My private course as far as I recall was 240 so not much difference in prices. As much as people complain about these courses I do think it was worth while, we had a great laugh whilst still covering a few little issues that may have been sore otherwise. We both came out saying we would happily do it again as it was a great laugh. It was a 3 hour course with just the 2 of us, suited us best as we already had 2 kids, one was only about 8 months at the time so we didnt want to be worrying about childminding for a whole weekend.

nikkiplc2001

Hey we did a pre marraige course in Galway, think they do it in Sligo to, its called MRCS only took an hour and a half, it cost bout €200, was a bit exp, but id rather do and hour and a half course, than one that goes on for a day and a half

victor1

Do you "have" to attend one?

Eoin

Toots* wrote: »

It was a friday night from 8 til 10, then 10 til 5 on the Saturday. It wasn't too heavy on the religious stuff, and the priest who came in to chat to us was lovely. The family planning section was completely laughable though, a lot of misinformation given. I mean a 6th year biology student could have given more accurate info.

All in all we did get some good out of it, but I definitely wouldn't be keen to do another!

That sounds exactly like the one we did, except I don't think a priest came in at all. I agree totally with the family planning part. Perhaps a section on budgeting would have been useful.

How Strange wrote: »

I'm so glad we're having a civil ceremony. I couldn't imagine having to sit through a such a idiotic course in this day and age. It's just a money racket. If it was so successful there'd be zero marital breakdown, separation or divorce.

That's a bit of a stupid comment to make. They're hardly saying it's a guarantee of a successful marriage. I was apprehensive of it myself, but we got more out of it than we thought we would.

victor1 wrote: »

Do you "have" to attend one?

Depends on the priest that's doing the ceremony.

How Strange

eoin wrote: »

That's a bit of a stupid comment to make. They're hardly saying it's a guarantee of a successful marriage.

As I said, it's a money racket and it really is an outdated, old fashioned type of thing. Most couples live together before they get married and they don't tend to rush into marriage so they've encountered the usual problems that come with being part of a couple.

It's a catholic church enforced course which they make money from. You don't have a choice about whether to attend it or not; if you want to get married in a church then you have to do it and from what I've read a lot of priests won't accept you doing the quickie, cheaper course.

I was apprehensive of it myself, but we got more out of it than we thought we would.

I'd like to think if you paid €250 and gave up your free time to attend a course that you would get something out of it and learn something otherwise it would be a money racket and a waste of time.

smelltheglove

How Strange wrote: »

As I said, it's a money racket and it really is an outdated, old fashioned type of thing. Most couples live together before they get married and they don't tend to rush into marriage so they've encountered the usual problems that come with being part of a couple. .

I think that's quite a negative way to look at it, it's like marriage counselling before any problems. Example; we were asked how would we approach things in the bedroom if one of us was uncomfortable, now we had been living together a long time with kids but some of the questions put to us opened us up to what if situations.

Other parts were how we felt about each others families, had any arguments ever occured, hoe to deal with family intrusion as a unit and respecting each others opinions. I felt it to be extremely worth while and as said before quite enjoyable, it did help us and was worth every cent.

As with being compulsory, not every priest requests you to do it, my sister was told it was an option by her priest not compulsory, true some request it but not all. I cannot comment on the group sessions other than hearing people complain about taking a full weekend but I would recommend the private sessions to anyone.

emc2

We did it in All hallows and it was good. A big group of people and no group work, there was a little bit of One to One (ie you to your partner)work. It was a full day Saturday or two Thursdays for a few hours.
It good and the priest that was involved (only for 30 minutes) was an excellent speaker and good fun too.

Eoin

How Strange wrote: »

As I said, it's a money racket and it really is an outdated, old fashioned type of thing. Most couples live together before they get married and they don't tend to rush into marriage so they've encountered the usual problems that come with being part of a couple.

We certainly found that it made us talk and think about issues that we hadn't discussed either at all, or in not enough detail. As I said before, it was barely set in a religious context at all and the topics were all delivered by married couples.

How Strange wrote: »

It's a catholic church enforced course which they make money from. You don't have a choice about whether to attend it or not; if you want to get married in a church then you have to do it and from what I've read a lot of priests won't accept you doing the quickie, cheaper course.

I'd like to think if you paid €250 and gave up your free time to attend a course that you would get something out of it and learn something otherwise it would be a money racket and a waste of time.

The only thing I can agree with is that they do make money out of - more than seems proportionate.

Just because it's not something I would voluntarily do off my own bat doesn't make it a bad thing. If I could drive legally without sitting the driving test, then I probably wouldn't bother doing it. But I did have to, and it benefited me.

Saint_Mel

victor1 wrote: »

Do you "have" to attend one?

If your having a church wedding then the official line is you have to.
Having said that though, I've known some priests who have let it slide for couples who havent attended the course.

Toots

Saint_Mel wrote: »

If your having a church wedding then the official line is you have to.
Having said that though, I've known some priests who have let it slide for couples who havent attended the course.

It seems to depend a lot on the individual parish, a friend of mine got married last summer and her priest sat down with her and her fiance for an hour or so and chatted through things with them, and he was happy for that to suffice as a pre-marriage course.

penexpers

How Strange wrote: »

It's a catholic church enforced course which they make money from.

"They" don't force you to do the Accord course (though I have heard of some priests insisting on Accord). You can do the course through any number of private operators. So "they" don't necessarily make any money from it.

As for the fees, the courses are given by professional relationship counselors who need to be paid for the time. I would agree the fee seems quite high (especially when you consider the number of couples per course) but I guess wages are only one of the overheads involved in running these courses.

SeekUp

For the church where our ceremony is taking place, they don't call it a course or anything, it's just 4-5 meetings with the officiant. We met with her for the first time this weekend and I'm actually looking forward to the sessions. We don't have to pay for them, so it's not as if we lose anything by going!

BC

Check with the priest before you book one. My church is insisting on the Accord one.

lizabbey7

hi we were told by our priest that we can do any of the marriage courses has anyone attended the avalon course?

Toots

penexpers wrote: »

"They" don't force you to do the Accord course (though I have heard of some priests insisting on Accord). You can do the course through any number of private operators. So "they" don't necessarily make any money from it.

As for the fees, the courses are given by professional relationship counselors who need to be paid for the time. I would agree the fee seems quite high (especially when you consider the number of couples per course) but I guess wages are only one of the overheads involved in running these courses.

The people who do the pre marriage seminars are not professional counsellors, they're married people who volunteer for it.

penexpers

Toots* wrote: »

The people who do the pre marriage seminars are not professional counsellors, they're married people who volunteer for it.

We didn't do the Accord one - we did it elsewhere and it was given my professional counselors.

Toots

penexpers wrote: »

We didn't do the Accord one - we did it elsewhere and it was given my professional counselors.

I'd be more willing to pay that kind of money for a course given by professional counsellors. What annoyed me about our one was that we had to do the Accord one, we didn't have a choice. It'd be a different story if we had been given a choice of courses and just happened to pick one that cost €200 but it just sticks in my throat that it was either pay it or find somewhere else to marry us.

dcr22B

lizabbey7 wrote: »

hi we were told by our priest that we can do any of the marriage courses has anyone attended the avalon course?

Yes, my wife and I went to it in February 2008 and it was a great fun day if the truth be told.

Highly recommended, the guy who runs it (David Kavanagh) and his wife were great to get on with and it was interesting working in teams with other couple. You'd be amazed at how much use it actually is.

Don't mind the cynics in previous posts, I was sceptical myself but I genuinely believe that they do serve a purpose.

LoanShark

We didnt do it, and have been living together for three years,SO We know each other quite well by now..We were never pushed into by our priests So why would we do it??

Eoin

LoanShark wrote: »

We didnt do it, and have been living together for three years,SO We know each other quite well by now..We were never pushed into by our priests So why would we do it??

Because topics come up that you might actually not have discussed or even thought about.

Strangely enough, nearly all the people who think it's no use have never actually done one. The vast majority of married couples I know got more out of than they thought they would.

bangersandmash

eoin wrote: »

Strangely enough, nearly all the people who think it's no use have never actually done one. The vast majority of married couples I know got more out of than they thought they would.

Strangely enough, I've never heard a married couple complain about the location they chose for their reception either. Possibly because overall their wedding was a positive experience and they'd rather not complain about trivial individual aspects of the experience. I wonder if, evaluated on its own, a pre-marital course would receive such a positive response. How many people just "jump through hoops" to get on to the actual wedding? Each to their own, I'm sure.

Eoin

I think you've managed to misread every post I've made in this thread. I didn't say that it was an inconvenience that I didn't really mind going through, I said that it was actually a beneficial thing to do, even if it wasn't something that I might voluntarily do. Can you see the distinction I am making?

bangersandmash

eoin wrote: »

I think you've managed to misread every post I've made in this thread. I didn't say that it was an inconvenience that I didn't really mind going through, I said that it was actually a beneficial thing to do, even if it wasn't something that I might voluntarily do. Can you see the distinction I am making?

I actually suggested it's possible that your definition (or that of your friends) of "beneficial" might be slightly tied up with the marriage experience itself. Can you see the distinction I am making?

Eoin

I think you are just being argumentative and trying to be a smart arse for the sake of it, so I will not bother continuing this with you, only to say that you are incorrect in what you think my definition of "beneficial" is.

bangersandmash

eoin wrote: »

I think you are just being argumentative and trying to be a smart arse for the sake of it, so I will not bother continuing this with you, only to say that you are incorrect in what you think my definition of "beneficial" is.

Because I disagree with you on the advantages of a pre-marital course? I'm genuinely not trying to offend you, but simply suggesting that your own personal experience with such courses may not translate to others.