Living at home at 30

LegacyUser

I am just going to bite the bullet and ask - do you think there is something wrong with someone living at home at 30?

I personally dont think so and never really thought about it until last night - I would love to have had the chance to buy a house but never had the opportunity (yet). I certainly intend to move out at some stage, but I am fine living here - its a big house - just my mam and dad - we get on fine - really I only see them bout 30mins each day during the week.

Whats triggered this off is my brother in law was slagging me last night saying how sad it was living at home at 30 - I took it in gest at the time, but am a little annoyed now.

Ive lived in foreign countries, Ive lived in rented accomodation in Ireland. Ive lived with my now ex boyfriend for 3 yrs until April this year when I moved home. My job isnt stable and I am not stupid enough to take out a mortgage I cant afford. I have huge savings from living at home - enough for a deposit on a house, but I am not ready and as i said job isnt stable enough. His comment just made me feel, I dunno, "looserish" and very angry now.

Personally, yes, I think it's weird. No matter what anyone says, you just can't do your own thing while living at home. I loved my home and family when I lived here as a teenager, but now I can't take more than a week at a time because I'm too independent. I'd also feel like I was using my parents if I was staying with them at age 30 to avoid paying rent. The only way I'd do it was if there really was no choice.

TheBlock

Pay no attention to him. Move out when your ready to move out. Sounds to me like you have a perfect houseshare you only see your housemates for 30 mins a day,I'd imagine rent is not exessive and you possibly get a good deal on cooking and cleaning rota's

It's not for other people to judge how or where you live, when your ready you'll move out (and possibly be ruing the day).

By the wayI moved out at 26 a long time ago.

LegacyUser

Hi OP - if you were 30 and living at home, having never moved out to begin with, then yes, I think it would be weird!! Moving back home was probably the best option for you, at the time, in April (the relationship thing), but I will advise not getting too settled in the home nest again..
I found myself in similar situation at 30 myself (broke up with partner), moved home to get on my feet, but I let 2 years go by before i got myself back out into a place of my own...
Your B-I-L was being insensitive... You have at least been productive about living there by getting your savings built up, so you should feel happy about the next time someone has a dig at you about it...

LegacyUser

Wow - weird was a word that I wouldnt have used - interesting to see responses though.

I dont think there is anything weird about it at all and dont get why you think I am not independent. I lead a very seperate life to my parents - am educated (paid for myself) to Masters level, I have good friends, I contribute to the household. Ive been working since I was 16.

I lead the same life as everyone else but I live at home! Occasionally (I mean now once in the last 6 months) I have asked one of them to drop me somewhere. I never ask them for anything. My parents both cook dinner - they are both retired from their professions and quite wealthy (mam 56 and dad 7 years older) and have the time to do lots of things. The only thing I have to do if am staying out late or not home for dinner is text them an hour before hand and thats it I wont hear from them for the night.

On average I see them for about 30mins a day (if even that). We have seperate sitting rooms on different sides of the house. Ive lived away from home before and to me its the same thing - the people I live with just happen to be my parents! They are not over-bearing at all-they never were. We could have been out till midnight when we were kids and they didnt care (so to speak). I was driving at 17 and also working and college. So if anything I feel I had complete independence at a young age.

BTW they dont do my clothes washing or ironing or anything like that - just in case I gave that impressions - dinner in the evening if am/they are there is the only thing constant.

Eve_Dublin

Honestly?

Was just discussing this with my parents tonight because I live in Spain where it's very common for men to live at home with their parents 'till they're 28 or so. My step-mam asked me what would I think if a man lived at home with his parents and my honest answer is it would be a turn-off for me in this day and age, unless they were unemployed and really had absolutely no other choice. I wouldn't think the guy was a loser but it would show that the guy probably lacked independence and tbh, I know very few people whose jobs are stable at the moment but are still willing to take a risk for their independence. Independence is something I look for in a man because I'd be an independent person myself. Also the fact that I wouldn't feel comfortable going back to his "place" for some "how's your father" but if you're not on the hunt for a woman at the moment, then this is not an issue. Who cares what your brother thinks.

You're not a loser and the fact that you're saving money for a deposit on a house is great and shows you have some drive. As long as your mam is not doing all your washing, making your bed and making your dinner for you every night (really not fair to expect this at 30) and you pay them some rent, have the intention of leaving once you get your deposit together and help out around then house and of course that they don't mind you staying there, then it's your choice. Feck what anyone else thinks, it's not their business.

Edit: Just read your post OP...was posted up after mine...if it suits you and you're being fair and contributing to the household (which you said you are), then no problem. You don't have justify yourself to anyone. No, it's not "weird" to live at home at 30 but it's not the norm so you're going to get some slack. I guess that's the downside of having such a cushty set-up ;-)

markpb

I'm not going to comment on whether it's socially acceptable but economists regularly say that people living at home rarely pay the full economic cost of their accommodation. It means they are benefitting at the expense of their parents. If they're financially secure, it doesn't matter much. I do think it's odd that you think the only two options for accommodation now are purchase or live at home - why isn't renting an option?

I don't think it's possible to be as independent at home as in rented accommodation. If you wanted to throw a party with music, would it be an option? If you met a girl and wanted to bring her home, could you?

LegacyUser

Yeah, it's like totally like weird like whatever.

I'm 36, living at home and they are the happiest times of my life, much happier than the times when I was 18 and living in a flat in Phibsboro. And where were those losers - absolute losers - who are now calling you a loser for living at home at 30?

Get a grip. Be confident. I wouldn't think for a minute of asking anybody what they thought of my decision to live at home at 36. My decision. I'd relish the chance to destroy the retards with notions.

Yours,

a person with no mortgage/idiocy from the Celtic Tiger days; a free Irish man.

LegacyUser

Thought in my first post I signalled I was female :-)

May be I should also point out that I would be very picky in regards to whom I live with (habits etc).

I do have intentions and aspirations like everyone else on this earth - all good things take time. My ideal scenario would be to buy with a husband/boyfriend. Share the cost and all that. Hasnt happened yet though. I dont envisage living at home at 35.

I did find his comments very insensitive. He is newly married with a fab house. Thought it was a bit cocky and am wondering if I should say something.

hungryhippo

wyt wrote: »

....... My job isnt stable and I am not stupid enough to take out a mortgage I cant afford. I have huge savings from living at home - enough for a deposit on a house, but I am not ready and as i said job isnt stable enough. His comment just made me feel, I dunno, "looserish" and very angry now.

About half the country would give their right ball to be in your position right now. Well done you. Keep saving your few bob and you will have your choice of houses. I would guess he may be jealous. Fck him, it's none of his business. And I'm sure your parents are delighted to have you there.

star-pants

(btw I think the OP is a girl...) *edit* I'd hit reply before I saw the OPs next post reminding people she's a girl

I don't think it's that 'weird' - I'm 26 and still living at home. I've been unemployed more than employed the last year and half, and I have a longterm illness which has me sick a good portion of the time. I lived away from home for 4 years in college, and I moved to Australia for 4 months (but things weren't working out/I wasn't well) so I came home.
I've two younger siblings (my older sister lives in Rome) in the house too (17 &19).
My parents don't mind me living at home, there's room, they'd prefer me here than attempting to rent somewhere when I don't have a whole lot of income.
I contribute to the house both with rent and many other things. I clean, I cook sometimes, I taxi my siblings, will pay for some takeouts/shopping (for everyone).
My mother does the washing but that's only because she insists, it is easier to just put all the washing together (economical use of the washing machine), but I do sometimes put on the wash/sort it/dry it etc.
So I don't think it's wrong that I live at home, at the moment it's the best option.

I think if you were at home, did nothing, barely contributed and weren't looking to move out - then yes it's a bit sad. But you're not, you had moved out but were forced to move back home, it happens. You pay your way and contribute to the household. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

Eve_Dublin

markpb wrote: »

I'm not going to comment on whether it's socially acceptable but economists regularly say that people living at home rarely pay the full economic cost of their accommodation. It means they are benefitting at the expense of their parents. If they're financially secure, it doesn't matter much. I do think it's odd that you think the only two options for accommodation now are purchase or live at home - why isn't renting an option?

I don't think it's possible to be as independent at home as in rented accommodation. If you wanted to throw a party with music, would it be an option? If you met a girl and wanted to bring her home, could you?

This was the explanation I was given by Spanish men I spoke with who lived at home: they would see renting as 'dead money' so would live at home 'till they could their deposit together and move out. I guess the Spanish have a similar obsession as us about owning their own property and I can see their point; all that money I've spent on rent over the years and I've nothing to show for it...it's little bit sickening, particularly the extortionate rent I paid in Dublin during the Celtic Tiger days...but I still had my independence which is important to me. I guess you have to sacrifice one for the other unless you're in a well-paid job (most people aren't).

Edit: And lets face it, your family cn be a pain in the ass sometimes and will say things just to wind you up.

LegacyUser

I'm 29 and have never moved out - I have a good job and savings and could afford to live elsewhere. However, I'm single, get on fantastically well with my parents, and enjoy their company as they do mine. They're not clingy and I can move out whenever I see fit, but currently I think I'm in the best place I could be. Certainly I don't pay them as much as I would in rented accommodation but I do contribute and they want for nothing.

There are many families around with fights, splits etc and I count myself extremely lucky to have such a great relationship with my parents - you should too.

sarmer

I don't think it's weird at all.

I think the thing in Ireland is that families ties are generally quite strong so people do live with their parents for longer than in other countries and even if they have moved out, it is an option to move back with parents if necessary.

I'm 26 and still living at home. I've spent a lot of time travelling and have done the work abroad thing but I'm currently unemployed so I'm not really in a position to move out. I'm hoping to do a masters in the UK next year though so will be moving out for at least a year and then ideally if I can get a job in Ireland after that I'll be saving for a house. I totally get that you don't want to rent if you don't have to. Count yourself lucky you didn't buy during the celtic tiger years when the prices were sky high.

Many of my friends and family members still live at home and they are in their late 20s. My mum herself didn't move out of her parents until she got married in her mid 30s!

It would be one thing if you were taking advantage of your parents but you obviously aren't and I'm sure they like having you at home too!

LegacyUser

wyt wrote: »

I am just going to bite the bullet and ask - do you think there is something wrong with someone living at home at 30?


His comment just made me feel, I dunno, "looserish" and very angry now.

i would politely suggest that the person doing the mocking is a looser.

i'm in a similar boat, living at home for a few months after living with a partner, travelling, living abroad and studying away from home (i'm 27). if it's a temporary arrangement and you see a future for yourself outside the home, whenever that may be, then i don't see anything wrong with it.

on the other hand my 31 yr old brother lives here and always has except for 6 months working in the US ten years ago. at this stage i honestly believe he is waiting for my parents to croak or get carted off to a nursing home so he can have the house to himself.

Bad Seed

I would never date a man who is living at home. I would think they are a loser but that's just me, plenty of people would maybe think about dating someone who lives at home.

wyt

wyt wrote: »

I am just going to bite the bullet and ask - do you think there is something wrong with someone living at home at 30?

I personally dont think so and never really thought about it until last night - I would love to have had the chance to buy a house but never had the opportunity (yet). I certainly intend to move out at some stage, but I am fine living here - its a big house - just my mam and dad - we get on fine - really I only see them bout 30mins each day during the week.

Whats triggered this off is my brother in law was slagging me last night saying how sad it was living at home at 30 - I took it in gest at the time, but am a little annoyed now.

Ive lived in foreign countries, Ive lived in rented accommodation in Ireland. Ive lived with my now ex boyfriend for 3 yrs until April this year when I moved home. My job isnt stable and I am not stupid enough to take out a mortgage I cant afford. I have huge savings from living at home - enough for a deposit on a house, but I am not ready and as i said job isnt stable enough. His comment just made me feel, I dunno, "looserish" and very angry now.

hi im, 26 and ive never lived outside the home, even going to college. i have aspirations and dreams to build my own home but that is far down the line. ignore your brother in law. its none of his business where you live. Karma is a bitch, his circumstances may not always be the same, god forbid i hope its the best for him and his dependents but for now he should not be judging your circumstances even in jest. in this day and age everyone needs to compromise and living at home is better then being homeless.

wyt

wyt wrote: »

Wow - weird was a word that I wouldnt have used - interesting to see responses though.

I dont think there is anything weird about it at all and dont get why you think I am not independent. I lead a very seperate life to my parents - am educated (paid for myself) to Masters level, I have good friends, I contribute to the household. Ive been working since I was 16.

Why did you ask then, if you just wanted everyone to agree with you? I never said you weren't independent, I said you cannot be completely independent while living with your folks.

I lead the same life as everyone else but I live at home! Occasionally (I mean now once in the last 6 months) I have asked one of them to drop me somewhere. I never ask them for anything. My parents both cook dinner - they are both retired from their professions and quite wealthy (mam 56 and dad 7 years older) and have the time to do lots of things. The only thing I have to do if am staying out late or not home for dinner is text them an hour before hand and thats it I wont hear from them for the night.

This is exactly my point. Your parents cook your dinner. If you're staying out, you have to text them. You might not think that's a big deal, but I sure as hell don't want to worry about contacting my parents if I decide to spontaneously stay out, or worry about coming home too late in case they're concerned about me. To me that's what you do when you're 17, not 30.

On average I see them for about 30mins a day (if even that). We have seperate sitting rooms on different sides of the house. Ive lived away from home before and to me its the same thing - the people I live with just happen to be my parents! They are not over-bearing at all-they never were. We could have been out till midnight when we were kids and they didnt care (so to speak). I was driving at 17 and also working and college. So if anything I feel I had complete independence at a young age.
.

Same here, and I still feel totally cramped when I do live at home for any period of time now. I just do not buy for one minute that you can lead an independent life while living with your parents, no matter how cool and liberal they are. I think it's quite odd to want to live at home past 25, to be honest and even that's pushing it. You say you don't want to be living at home at 35, well why is 35 the magical cut off for you? What if you don't find a husband to buy a house with, are you going to live with your parents forever?

I wouldn't be thrilled about dating someone who still lived at home. How awkward, having to meet the family ever time you popped over, having to be really quiet in bed in case someone heard. My OH was living at home when we met, and I couldn't have put up with more than a few months of it (he moved out last Christmas). I might be the only one here with this opinion, but yes, I think it is weird to sit down to dinner with the entire family, have to creep into the house after a night out so as not to wake Mammy and Daddy, make sure to inform them we won't be back for dinner.......honestly, it made me feel like a teenager. They are little things but to me it's those little things that matter, that make you feel like an adult or a child.

And people are saying you were 'forced' to move home - well you weren't. That's what I find so strange. I'd understand someone who really had no choice but you're deciding to live there to save money rather than rent. I wouldn't be comfortable living off my parents' money at 30 rather than making my own way, and they certainly would be disappointed if I did so. They do realise that things are different nowadays and it isn't as easy to be financially independent, but there is a limit!

Andy-Pandy

Im 32 and live at home. It aint ideal but i have no choice. Ive just gone back to college, and my mother had a stroke a few months back. Its just me and her, so i cant not live at home. I dont really mind, but it drives me nuts sometimes, im a much further out from town that i used to be, and its a bit of a turn off with the ladies. But usually when people ask were i live i just explain the were and the why of it.

LegacyUser

i would'nt bother asking to be judged here...or anywhere....everybodies circumstances are different.....

im 30, lived on my own in apartment for years....recession...lost my job....dole....had to move home...or be homeless....am i a loser?...no....

are you a loser....no.....

as posted you are damn lucky that you are'nt in a negative equity mortgage situation which is like living in hell.....

just don't get too comfortable...

Massive Muscles

It is weird for somebody your age to be living at home, a bit selfish also.

Why not try renting? It is far cheaper than buying a place and you get some freedom into your life.

LegacyUser

Well Izzy, I think that the you think is weird - I asked for opinions on both sides, which im getting, not to be slagged off (very adult of you).

If you were living with a partner/house share and they cooked dinner would you not consider it polite to let them know if you were not there to eat it? Does that mean you having a partner constitutes you as not being independent?

And by the way, my parents do not wait up for me to come home. Are you joking? Maybe your family home circumstances have distorted your view - you may reread what I wrote.

Im 30, well educated, drive a brand new car and am loaded (all done by myself). I live with my parents...Ive never had a partner have a problem with me living at home. Out of respect for my parents and myself, I would never bring a random man home for sex. Then again I wouldnt do this even if I lived away from home/had my own place. And I dont have to have a date coming into the house, there are options you know (meet him outside, meet him at date location, meet him at his place). I wouldnt expect a date to arrive into my family home.

If I met a guy who lived at home, I would judge him by his actions, not the way he lives. I think the latter is a very shallow reason to not like someone. May be he lives at home for similar reasons to myself.

nyarlothothep

Its neither weird nor not weird, its purely subjective. In Italy people are inclined to live with their parents to a later age given that house prices are way too high. It is a societal thing, its not rooted in any transcendent form of rationalization. If it makes no logical sense to move out then there is no reason for it regardless of what people tell you. Therefore there is no real reason to ask whether its considered weird or not, in addition to the fact that all you will get are just opinions which are subjective and which are usually based on generalizations which fall apart when applied to context dependent situations. If you were asking for advice that would be a different matter.

LegacyUser

What are ye talking about freedom for?

Can someone explain exactly how I am trapped and why the words "freedom" and "independence" are being bounced around? It isnt a jail!

I went to bed 6.30am stephens night after partying the whole night. Do ye think I am in sitting by the fire with my parents (who were also out till bout 3am)? This is modern Ireland - not a "mammy" and "daddy" Daniel O Donnell type scenario.

Ive never known my parents to be suffocating or nosey. They ask how I am. Very rarely, no matter whats going on, will they stick their noses into my business.

If I needed them for anything at all, I mean anything, they would be there in a second, but they stay out of my business and I stay out of theirs!

hinault

I don't see what the problem is with WYT living at home.

As she said, both her and her parents get on well : they all do their own thing and that she is allowed to come and go as she pleases.
It is great that parents are as happy to allow their kids to remain at home.

wyt

wyt wrote: »

Well Izzy, I think that the you think is weird - I asked for opinions on both sides, which im getting, not to be slagged off (very adult of you).

You think I'm slagging you off because I said the situation of living at home at 30 is a bit weird? And that makes me childish?

If you were living with a partner/house share and they cooked dinner would you not consider it polite to let them know if you were not there to eat it? Does that mean you having a partner constitutes you as not being independent?

I have lived in house shares and it's completely different. I've never heard of someone cooking for their house mate every night, and if you're living with a partner, you're either heading out with them, or you will have discussed your plans for the evening beyond the fact you won't be home for dinner.

And by the way, my parents do not wait up for me to come home. Are you joking? Maybe your family home circumstances have distorted your view - you may reread what I wrote.

That's what you think. I have never, ever met any mother who didn't worry while her kids were out, no matter what age. My siblings and I have been living away for the last 4+ years, and when we're home, my mam still sleeps badly until she hears the key in the door. From talking to my friends' parents, it's the same for all of them.

Im 30, well educated, drive a brand new car and am loaded (all done by myself)

You're loaded, but you've decided to take advantage of your parents' wealth rather than rent a place you could easily afford? Nice.

I live with my parents...Ive never had a partner have a problem with me living at home. Out of respect for my parents and myself, I would never bring a random man home for sex. Then again I wouldnt do this even if I lived away from home/had my own place. And I dont have to have a date coming into the house, there are options you know (meet him outside, meet him at date location, meet him at his place). I wouldnt expect a date to arrive into my family home.

I'm not talking about random men or dating, I'm talking about a relationship. If you were going out with a guy, he and you would really be fine with the scenarios I described? Having quiet sex or trying to figure out when the parents would be out, telling the parents to stay out of the kitchen if you wanted to cook a romantic dinner, worrying about where to throw away the condom wrappers...? :rolleyes: Or would you expect the guy to have his own place?

If I met a guy who lived at home, I would judge him by his actions, not the way he lives. I think the latter is a very shallow reason to not like someone. May be he lives at home for similar reasons to myself.

Of course you think that, as you're living at home yourself. There is nothing shallow about not wanting to be with someone who lives at home. As I said, I started going out with my OH when he lived at home, and it got old really fast. Perhaps it would have been fine when I was 18, but having lived away for so long, I just found it really confining. And as for similar reasons to yourself, I personally would find that one of the worst reasons of all. If it was that he'd just lost his job, was just preparing a big move abroad, or even perhaps that he had gone back into full time education, I'd be understanding, but as long as he saw it as temporary.

But sure, you just came here to get people to validate your choice and make you feel better about your mean, nasty cousin :rolleyes:, so I don't know why I'm bothering. I would expect someone who had been independent in the big, bad world to have a somewhat thicker skin. If you think your cousin was just being an idiot, why would you care so much?

Ickle Magoo

I would hate to be living at home and I wouldn't date someone still living at home - but that's me. I like my independence and I like earning my own way too much. If it suits you then why bother what anyone thinks?

OP, you sound very defensive and at pains to show how well off living at home has left you - you did ask for all opinions. Many people really like living in their own place, love having the freedoms of having their own place and don't like piggybacking off their parents, regardless of how sound the economic thinking - different strokes and all that.

It could be completely weird to your BIL who is probably nothing like you & his parents nothing like yours, insensitive to say but I don't think he's alone in thinking someone who enjoys staying at home 30 when other options are available are probably in the minority.

iguana

[quote=[Deleted User];63675490] If you're staying out, you have to text them. You might not think that's a big deal, but I sure as hell don't want to worry about contacting my parents if I decide to spontaneously stay out, or worry about coming home too late in case they're concerned about me. To me that's what you do when you're 17, not 30.[/QUOTE]

I'm 31 and if I'm going to spontaneously stay out late I let my husband know, he's 32 and he would do the same for me if he's staying out late. It's just manners, it's making sure someone who cares about you isn't worried or inconvenienced by your decisions. Having nobody at all to wonder where you are if you aren't where you are expected isn't 'normal' adulthood. It's just how it is for people who live without family, it's a life phase rather than life. And not everybody chooses to experience that life phase. You like it, others don't.

OP, as long as you aren't taking advantage of your parents it's fine. I couldn't live long term with my parents because I think they would hate it. I love them but if we spend too long under the same roof we can rub each other up the wrong way (we are all extremely argumentative people). I'm also much too used to having my own household to attempt to live in anyone else's, even the one I grew up in. But if you can honestly say your parents are fine with your presence and you aren't taking advantage then it's fine.

hinault

hinault wrote: »

I don't see what the problem is with WYT living at home.

As she said, both her and her parents get on well : they all do their own thing and that she is allowed to come and go as she pleases.
It is great that parents are as happy to allow their kids to remain at home.

She asked what other people thought. I am telling her what I think. Obviously it's just my opinion - I'm 24 and have worked hard to be able to rent a place for the last 6 years. I'm in full time education and working part time to support myself. To me, brand new cars and fancy clothes are extras that come when you can support yourself. My parents are pretty wealthy and have a big house as well, but they raised me to be independent and would not be at all impressed with me living of the fruits of their success, that they worked hard for. I don't understand people who want to live at home well into adulthood, and I don't think I'd get along well with someone who did, so therefore I probably wouldn't date such a person. She asked for viewpoints, and that is my viewpoint - I'd totally understand where her cousin was coming from. I wouldn't have said it to her face, but I'd definitely have thought it.

iguana

iguana wrote: »

I'm 31 and if I'm going to spontaneously stay out late I let my husband know, he's 32 and he would do the same for me if he's staying out late. It's just manners, it's making sure someone who cares about you isn't worried or inconvenienced by your decisions. Having nobody at all to wonder where you are if you aren't where you are expected isn't 'normal' adulthood. It's just how it is for people who live without family, it's a life phase rather than life. And not everybody chooses to experience that life phase. You like it, others don't.

As I said, it's not the same thing, it's a totally different dynamic. I have lived with a boyfriend and obviously he cared about where I was. But it's not the same as with parents.

OP, as long as you aren't taking advantage of your parents it's fine. I couldn't live long term with my parents because I think they would hate it. I love them but if we spend too long under the same roof we can rub each other up the wrong way (we are all extremely argumentative people). I'm also much too used to having my own household to attempt to live in anyone else's, even the one I grew up in. But if you can honestly say your parents are fine with your presence and you aren't taking advantage then it's fine.

But surely living with them for free is taking advantage of them? Would OP be living there if she had to pay rent? Would she have her fancy car and disposable income if she were renting a place?

LegacyUser

Im trying to demonstrate that the atypical, sterotypical image of an adult living at home isnt what people think it is. Just realised that that old view is what my brother in law thinks.

Believe me my mother wasnt up till 6.30 worrying about me....again as I said, maybe that is what you are used to...its DOESNT happen in all families. We view eachother as adults. Not parent and child, unless they have to step in.

If I can afford nice things Izzy, Ill buy them. No need to put a sting in your tail.

iguana

[quote=[Deleted User];63678559]As I said, it's not the same thing, it's a totally different dynamic. I have lived with a boyfriend and obviously he cared about where I was. But it's not the same as with parents.[/QUOTE]

Ime it was the exact same. In fact my husband would be far more curious about where I am than my parents ever were when I lived at home as an adult. If I had called home and told my parent's I wouldn't be home that night they'd just accept it. If I told my husband I wouldn't be home he would want to know who I was staying with and why, as would I about him if the situation was reversed.

[quote=[Deleted User];63678559]But surely living with them for free is taking advantage of them? Would OP be living there if she had to pay rent? Would she have her fancy car and disposable income if she were renting a place?[/QUOTE]

Yes it's taking advantage but some parents are happy to be taken advantage of. My mother in law would adore it if any of her children moved back home, not that she'd want any of their marriages/relationships to end but she loves having her children at home. If she had a big Southfork Ranch style house and all her children and their families lived in it she would be in her element. If we all had cushier lifestyles because that meant we had no rent/mortgage to pay she'd just see that as a happy bonus for us.

If the OP's parents are genuinely happy to have her living in their house and the OP is covering her costs and contributing to the household in a way that makes up for any cramping of her parent's lifestyle that her presence is causing then it is ok. If the OP is living there oblivious to her parents gritting their teeth and circling ads for houseshares which would suit her then she should move on.

LegacyUser

I think it's selfish. Your parents have their family reared and it's now their time to enjoy their golden years as a couple. Tbh I would feel like a gooseberry. Would you live with newly married friends - no so why invade your parents privacy like this when they should be well rid of you. Btw, you come across as quite selfish with your talk of money - what's in it for them ?

LegacyUser

My dads sister lives in their home house with her family, she never moved out and when she got married he moved in with her. My mums brother who took over the farm also never moved out and now lives in the home house. Its the same with a lot of people around where I live. In nearly every family someone stays at home and then eventually takes on the home house themselves especially when there is a farm, the son taking over the farm very rarely moves out. Maybe this generation look at this strangely but to me living at home is quite normal.

LegacyUser

And another thing I thought of, your BIL us probably only verbalising what your siblings are thinking. Stop using your parents for financial gain and move on.

LegacyUser

I contribute to the household. I have ambitions like the rest of the people who rent/have mortgages - I aspire to own a beautiful home someday. I am not a social recluse or a **** up because I live at home. Thats an old myth. If my post may answer or prove one thing, its give people a chance - you dont know their circumstances. I think you are cutting your nose off despite your face if you dont date a guy/girl because they live at home. Try getting to know them.

I have saved money since I was 16 - when I first started working. Thats my ethic. My parents certainly know that at some stage I will move out again. I took a huge knock in April with the end of my relationship. My philosophy, from learning things through my life, is that all good things take time - I may have to wait a bit for the next right opportunity. The right opportunity just hasnt presented itself yet. I dont fancy living on my own but Id do it. I dont fancy living with people I dont know. I would prefer not to rent again (dead money). I am working towards getting a more stable job to get a mortgage to buy a house/apartment. Life isnt a race as to who gets where first. I will get there, just in my own time - that doesnt make me weird - I think its sensible.

LegacyUser

They have other properties they use/visit/use as holiday homes. Am not here 24/7 and neither are they. The house is certainly big enough that we are not in each others faces.

My father offered to put me on the property ladder, but I will not let him. I need to do this myself.

Would you prefer I came on here and told you I let my father buy me a house? What would you say then? Is that not more selfish? Or is it better I am honest - that I live at home, trying to sort out my life?

dearg lady

I'm not really sure what you were hoping to get out of posting this topic, different people will have different opinions on the situation which you surely would have expected. You do seem a little sensitive about the issue and at pains to explain your setup.

For me personally, I would be extremely uncomfortable to live with my parents, and yes I would judge someone who does, I'm not saying I'd write them off, but I'd find it odd. I'm with Izzy on this one, and not sure why you think you're being 'slagged off'

wyt

wyt wrote: »

I contribute to the household. I have ambitions like the rest of the people who rent/have mortgages - I aspire to own a beautiful home someday. I am not a social recluse or a **** up because I live at home. Thats an old myth. If my post may answer or prove one thing, its give people a chance - you dont know their circumstances. I think you are cutting your nose off despite your face if you dont date a guy/girl because they live at home. Try getting to know them.

I'm not saying you don't have ambitions but what about NOW? What do you think the rest of us are doing? I think you have missed the point in your relative's comment. I don't think your circumstances mean you're a social recluse, I think it is rather userish to live off your parents when you could easily rent your own place. I know plenty of people living at home, most of my boyfriend's friends, and every one of them confirms my ideas about it. I am not impressed by someone who can afford to run a car, go on skiing holidays and wear designer clothes because they don't have to pay rent or bills. That's not living in the real world, IMO.

I have saved money since I was 16 - when I first started working. Thats my ethic. My parents certainly know that at some stage I will move out again. I took a huge knock in April with the end of my relationship. My philosophy, from learning things through my life, is that all good things take time - I may have to wait a bit for the next right opportunity. The right opportunity just hasnt presented itself yet. I dont fancy living on my own but Id do it. I dont fancy living with people I dont know. I would prefer not to rent again (dead money). I am working towards getting a more stable job to get a mortgage to buy a house/apartment. Life isnt a race as to who gets where first. I will get there, just in my own time - that doesnt make me weird - I think its sensible.

So what if you started working at 16? Most people have been working and paying their own way for years by the time they reach 30. They don't all stay at home waiting for some magical opportunity. All I can see here is what YOU want and what's handy for YOU. Sure, I'd save loads of money by not renting, but my parents have raised their kids. As much as they love seeing me, this is their time now to be together. They'd never tell me I wasn't welcome at home, but I know they'd be extremely disappointed in me if I was living there to save myself money. Would you still be living at home if they were charging you? I don't think it's mature or responsible to still be using your parents as a fallback at that age.

Eve_Dublin

I really don't understand what you want to hear WYT? Personal Issues is not the place to demonstrate anything, it's the forum for advice on personal issues. Your personal issue as far as I can see is your brother-in-law commenting on the fact that you live at home and you subsequently felt "looser-ish"; it hit a nerve. You have to understand that probably most of us were brought up with the attitude that you move out as soon as you're financially able to do so and usually that means renting. What you are doing is not the norm anymore so you're going to get differing viewpoints but circumstances differ from person to person. I couldn't live at home because a) my parents don't live in a big house and I'd have to sleep on the pull out bed b)I like my TOTAL independence i.e. I can bring boyfriends back and have noisy sex or throw a party or leave my crap lying about c) they wouldn't want me here d) to me it's always been the social order of things to move out once I was an adult. It's my norm.

You say you're presenting a a contrasting view to the "old view" but most people don't come from big houses where they can live in the left-wing of the house and completely avoid their parents. Your situation is really an exception to the reality. You have to acknowledge that you're from a privileged background and most of us aren't.Your situation really is a special case but I'd say on a general level, living at home at 30 when you can support yourself is definitely "out of the norm" but not weird.

LegacyUser

Op you are coming across as very bullish here with people who don't agree with you. Bottom line is that your parents deserve their privacy as a couple now and you are too old to be living at home.

Is it the situation that you left home to move in with your ex and are not ready or able to stand on your own 2 feet. Think about it.

LegacyUser

Am not at pains for anything.

I guess in replying to the posts, when people are commenting on you (and know nothing of your situation) you have to give real facts. Thats not justifying anything.

I think my brother in law is wrong in slagging me for living at home. Life has presented me with a different set-up. I deal with it. I dont go around slagging him over things in his life - nor would I ever. Who am I to comment on someone's life? And I would certainly never ever judge a male because he lives at home. Maybe life has afforded me to have these opinions based on my own circumstances.

I am happy with where I am - I guess that is the most important thing. I cannot change the mind of others and get upset because of what other people think is right. Ill just do whats right for me.

neuro-praxis

wyt wrote: »

I am happy with where I am - I guess that is the most important thing. I cannot change the mind of others and get upset because of what other people think is right. Ill just do whats right for me.

Perhaps you could look outside of yourself for a moment and do what's right for your parents, instead of putting yourself first all the time. You are you admit yourself "loaded" as a result of living with your parents, so it does seem that you are motivated not by what's right but by what profits you personally the most.

Your BIL knows you better than we do, so his comment might have been well-placed for all we know. You live at home because you feel like it, simple as. What would your parents like? Have you asked?

wyt

wyt wrote: »

They have other properties they use/visit/use as holiday homes. Am not here 24/7 and neither are they. The house is certainly big enough that we are not in each others faces.

My father offered to put me on the property ladder, but I will not let him. I need to do this myself.

Would you prefer I came on here and told you I let my father buy me a house? What would you say then? Is that not more selfish? Or is it better I am honest - that I live at home, trying to sort out my life?

Or........or........ you could even support YOURSELF and sort out your own living arrangements like most 30 year olds do! Shock horror!

LegacyUser

I live at home because I like it. And yes, I am loaded. So what? I only said that because people seem to have this sense that you must be a looser or broke to live at home. I am neither. I wont live with people I dont know and I am not going to pay €700 renting to live on my own and in the end for nothing.

I have my independence and I am a responsible adult. My job isnt stable - right now what is the point in moving out and a month later loosing my job? Thats just pissing against the wind.

LegacyUser

If my parents offered to help me get on the property ladder I would accept graciously and I would not share that information with anyone, you are very lucky to have such kind parents and it's nobody elses' business, I kno, countless people who have been given a helping hand from their parents. Your job isn't stable and you are very wise to play it safe I suspect some of the people who have replied negatively to this post are up to their eyes in debt.

LegacyUser

Izzy,
I choose not to, same as you choose things in your life. Doesnt mean you or I are right. I asked for opinions, not an "Im right" show.

We all make decisions based on circumstances in our lives, you know nothing of mine (although Im trying to explain Im being told am being defensive). I know nothing of your life BUT shock..horror as you put it, am 30 love, Ive been through the mill a few times and no 24 year old is going to talk to me like that or look down their nose at me.

What have you done with your life thats so great and qualifies you to try and be little someone? opinions/advice doesnt mean be littleing someone.

Satyr_The_Great

Im 27 and live at home. Why, cause its convenient for both me and my parents right now. My last job was so close to home it was pointless moving out and paying 200 a week in rent, not to mention other bills.
I pay my way here at home, have as much privacy as i need or want. I do work around the house, i pay for food or any extras thats needed. I pay for oil.
In the new year, my parents are heading off to europe in their camper who is gonna look after the house? ME.
Im happy to live at home, they are happy to have me. So if anyone has a problem with that then say it in a pm or even better come here to kilkenny and say it to my face instead of hiding behind a computer and starting arguments with people on a thread.

Massive Muscles

Satyr_The_Great wrote: »

Im 27 and live at home. Why, cause its convenient for both me and my parents right now. My last job was so close to home it was pointless moving out and paying 200 a week in rent, not to mention other bills.
I pay my way here at home, have as much privacy as i need or want. I do work around the house, i pay for food or any extras thats needed. I pay for oil.
In the new year, my parents are heading off to europe in their camper who is gonna look after the house? ME.
Im happy to live at home, they are happy to have me. So if anyone has a problem with that then say it in a pm or even better come here to kilkenny and say it to my face instead of hiding behind a computer and starting arguments with people on a thread.

Get a life and move out would you. At the end of the day it is all about sex. You need to have it and its just not cool to have it in the same house as your parents.

star-pants

Just to come back - as I do live at home as I said - and I pay my way as best I can.
But IF I had a steady good job and had decent savings I'd probably do my best to move out, just to have my own space. I physically cannot afford to do that at the moment, I have no job, and any savings I would have would be gone rather quickly if I were to rent somewhere which would result in me having to just come home.

IF the OP doesn't pay any rent/contribute towards the house then that's a different story. If I had a decent job and savings and could afford holidays and the best gear, I should move out. I don't so I can't. So I can understand people being annoyed over someone living at home not paying their way when they can more than afford to move out. I don't know when I'll be in that position unfortunately, but as I am stuck at home I do everything I can to contribute, some money, cleaning, errands whatever, because I don't expect my parents to put me up for nothing.

Massive Muscles

Social welfare gives a rental supplment so their are really few excuses not to live away form home starpants.