Another work party nightmare

LegacyUser

Hi,
firstly, can't believe i've gotten myself into this but i have and could do with some help. Work in finance so have been to a few chrimbo parties. Was at one on Tuesday night and ended up scoring a guy - kisses only. I must state at this point that i'm married.

I have another night out tonight and was in the shop at lunchtime today buying some hosiery as my tights got laddered and was standing at the till waiting to pay. I had bought black holdup stockings and a female colleague was in the shop and came up to me and said "Hi", and then she looked at what I was buying and said "i wonder who'll be taking those off you tonight" I have a huge paranoia now that she may have seen me on tuesday night kissing somebody else and what if everybody knows? I thought I was discreet, but then I was pretty drunks so God only knows.

I should also say this is the first time i've done antyhing like that after 10 years married and love my husband and kids to bits. I'm just worried as he would know some of teh lads i work with through a football team and i'm absolutely bricking it now.....i feel sick to the stomach and don't know how I can face the evening.
please help!!!

St James

its a friday; there's a party; you bought what the other person believes are sexy stockings. maybe she was only making a comment to try to brighten things up, not realising what had happened.

best advice is for you to never mention it again, to anyone. If it is raised, simply feign ignorance saying - no way - did I? - must have been pissed!

learn however for the future. you have too much to lose.

Wagon

Why exactly did you cheat on your husband? The thing that stood out in your post was

dubbiegal wrote: »

I thought I was discreet

meaning that you at least tried to get away with it and probably wouldn't have this predicament if your collegue hadn't spotted you. That's the impression i get at least.

See if you can find out a reason as to why you cheated and what are the odds of it happening again if the oppurtunity arose. And then if you are 100% sure that you will never ever do it again and are certain it was just a stupid decision, keep it to yourself (only because there's kids involved, you have to consider them too). If on the other hand you can't find a good reason, tell your husband and then let him decide what he wants to do. IF he decides he wants to leave, those are the consequences and wel...tough shít im afraid.

LegacyUser

Ah wagon I think you're being a bit harsh on the woman here. She made a silly mistake and now regrets it. I'm sure you're not proud of everything you have done whilst under the influence.

+1 on what st James said.

Know your limits and dont let yourself get in this situation, if I know anything about Christmas parties this probably wasnt the most scandalous thing to happen on the night.

LegacyUser

You're reading too much into what was said in the shop.

You've got guilt swimming around your head and then someone says something innocuous (did I spell that right?) but in your state of mind it's a mountain not a molehill.


Move on, forget about it and try to remember at the next party when you might make a mistake.

There are hundreds of people around the country going through the same "oh dear.. what did I do?" conversations with themselves.

They'll move on and so will you. No harm done.

(but at least you know you've still got it ! <<< sorry couldn't resist !)

Riverpineapple

Wagon wrote: »

Why exactly did you cheat on your husband? The thing that stood out in your post was

meaning that you at least tried to get away with it and probably wouldn't have this predicament if your collegue hadn't spotted you. That's the impression i get at least.

See if you can find out a reason as to why you cheated and what are the odds of it happening again if the oppurtunity arose. And then if you are 100% sure that you will never ever do it again and are certain it was just a stupid decision, keep it to yourself (only because there's kids involved, you have to consider them too). If on the other hand you can't find a good reason, tell your husband and then let him decide what he wants to do. IF he decides he wants to leave, those are the consequences and wel...tough shít im afraid.

She cheated because it felt good, pretty much the same reason everyone cheats, it feels good, flirting feels good, flirting is only really flirting if there is an actual chance something could happen.

G-Money

I have a somewhat unusual view of flirting in that I don't think you should do it if you have a partner. Some people will say its "harmless" but let's get back to reality. Someone who flirts is intentionally and consciously trying to get someone else interested in them. Whether they intend to do anything about it or not, it doesn't matter. The fact is they're trying to get someone else interested in them and if you aren't single, I think that's wrong.

If someone wants to flirt, they should be single. If you have a partner and still feel the need to get attention from someone else, either there's something wrong with the relationship, or you're just not that committed to the person in the first place.

Wagon

harsh?! wrote: »

Ah wagon I think you're being a bit harsh on the woman here. She made a silly mistake and now regrets it. I'm sure you're not proud of everything you have done whilst under the influence.

Oh god no, but the stuff i regret was getting in trouble with the gardai and pissing on trinity college and doing other crap like that. I just think that when someone has a family, they need to act a bit more maturely that's all.

cafecolour

Wagon wrote: »

I just think that when someone has a family, they need to act a bit more maturely that's all.

That's sort of the danger with work parties TBH (and often a good portion of the attendees of stags and hens etc.). You get folks that are mostly settled and not drinking that regularly anymore into those situations and they get pissed beyond expectations and aren't as used to handling it anymore. I work in a bar that has stags every weekend, and it's rarely the young uns or the aul uns that are the pain - usually some late 20's to 40's married guy who gets ossified and then is very apologetic the next day.

OP - the stocking statement meant nothing - it's a quick attempt at humour. A drunken shift is not the end of the world. I second - forget about it, don't make it a habit.

estar

hi there although its not to be recommended if you are happy with your marriage and fell into this situation because you were drunk then put it behind you. the comment played on your guilt and was probably harmless. it was a mistake. it isnt worth troubling your marriage over. maybe look at your life and your limits around alcohol. if alcohol is causing you to engage in risky behaviour that effects a lot of people, then perhaps sticking to one or two drinks, arranging a time to be home at in advance that is reasonable etc is more practical. dont put your home and family at risk for a fw drinks. learn from it and dont let your husband down in public again. remember that you are an adult and a parent now, have responsibilities, and have to put them first. everyone makes mistakes.

LegacyUser

grandmaster wrote: »

I have a somewhat unusual view of flirting in that I don't think you should do it if you have a partner. Some people will say its "harmless" but let's get back to reality. Someone who flirts is intentionally and consciously trying to get someone else interested in them. Whether they intend to do anything about it or not, it doesn't matter. The fact is they're trying to get someone else interested in them and if you aren't single, I think that's wrong.

If someone wants to flirt, they should be single. If you have a partner and still feel the need to get attention from someone else, either there's something wrong with the relationship, or you're just not that committed to the person in the first place.

I completely agree with you Grandmaster.
I simply cannot fathom the mindset of someone who `loves` someone enough to marry them took vows `forsaking all others` has children with them and does this behind their back!...the ultimate lie. I would suggest you tell your husband what you want from life..i.e. kiss who you want, shag who you want and put the poor man out of his misery.
I`m astonished that most of the replies think that this behaviour is ok...once nobody knows about it!!
It`s getting to the stage now where you can trust nobody....not even your wife/husband.
How can you sleep in the same bed as him knowing that you desire someone else? especially when he doesnt know?

estar

some people are just more practical than others nitehawk. the behaviour is not ok, neither is it heinous. flirting is tolerable as long as it is light hearted and general. it can be charming and a little escape, as long as it remains light and isnt followed through upon. what are you meant to do become asexual when you get married. that isnt realistic. the kiss was a mistake, and shouldnt have happened, but it isnt murder. she didnt go back to his house. she just made a fool of herself.

some people are so black and white on these issues. there is no black and white, and things cannot be so clearly defined, good people, bad people. we are all capable of such things under circumstances. each situation of this sort must be judged seperately. it doesnt mean she has a bad marriage. she made an error of judgement under the influence of alcohol in a moment, and although she is responsible for it, neither does she have to fall apart over it.

kenbrady

harsh wrote:

She made a silly mistake and now regrets it.

I don't read any regrets, only fear of getting caught.
She taught she was discrete, not what cheating on her husband means.

Have a Happy Christmas with your husband and kids Op, as it could be your last when your husband finds out.

LegacyUser

I agree with Ken Brady, there is no regret here at all... only fear of her getting caught.

Also I think that if she works with the girl that made the comment about who'll be taking off the stockings... then she probably know's the OP is married.. so it was definately a dig. And if she know's then there's a very good chance other colleagues at work know and they play football with the husband? Won't be long till the husband hears about. But for HIS, and their kids sake i hope they don't know.

Merry X-mas OP as Ken Brady said it could well be your last one with your husband if he finds out.

LegacyUser

If she's had one kiss after 10 years of marriage she's still doing fairly well.

Put it out off your mind OP, it never happens, nobody knows anything and even if they did they wouldn't say anything.

Don't do it again, and whatever you do, don't tell your husband.

LegacyUser

MARRIED! what a bitter comment to make about this being the last christmas she could have with her family.

Get a grip she drunkly kissed a co-worker, not worth losing her family over IMO. Unfortuatly alcohol and the christmas spirit took her over.

And wagon i think pissing on trinity college and getting in trouble with the gardai show a total level of immaturity.

Terodil

estar wrote: »

some people are just more practical than others nitehawk.

This is not about being practical or not. This is about doing what you deem right. Calling one way or the other 'idealistic' or 'practical' just disguises the fact that we're talking about necessarily subjective statements on morale.

the kiss was a mistake, and shouldnt have happened, but it isnt murder. she didnt go back to his house. she just made a fool of herself.

... and of her family. And I wouldn't be so sure about that statement 'it isn't murder'. In a figurative sense, it may be -- it kills (some) people's hearts if they find out. Some others may shrug it off, but that's the thing. If *you* personally, estar, find it's negligeable, that does not mean others do or should. Or that her husband will share that view.

some people are so black and white on these issues. there is no black and white, and things cannot be so clearly defined, good people, bad people.

Oh yes, some people know what is right and what is wrong. You are taking the easy way out with this moralistic relativism.

Re the comment 'haven't you done something bad in the past too': Cop on. Ofc we have all made mistakes, grievous mistakes, in the past and would like to undo them. But it's how we deal with them that makes the difference.

I agree with a preposter that the OP does not seem to feel any remorse at all. She is just scared of being found out. The total dishonesty, that desperate hope that everything will remain under the covers, weighs more heavily in my book than the kiss itself (which was deliberated and not just a semi-unconscious action -- 'I thought we'd been discreet').

OP: My advice in this situation would be to prevent your husband from learning about this from a third party, which would be even more hurtful than your actions so far. The only way to do this is to come clear with him. You should obviously have a good explanation/apology on hand. But there'll at least be a chance that way, given your kids and all. I don't think you'll have that chance if he learns about it from his buddies.

TheCandystripes

wow thats pretty sick. cant believe u would do that like a week before xmas. u should tell your husband. maby u want somebody else.

kenbrady

harsh?! wrote: »

MARRIED! what a bitter comment to make about this being the last christmas she could have with her family.

it's in no way bitter, it's a very real fact

LegacyUser

Thank God for all the replies disagreeing with what the OP did.
My faith in humanity has been somewhat restored.
It`s just the utter betrayal of the husband that really bothered me.As one poster said someone else knows what happened and I`m sure given time it will get back to him.
It would ABSOLUTELY KILL me to know my wife did this with someone else and maybe have them snigger behind my back knowing what they did with MY WIFE!
And to Scarlettlady....no one kiss in 10 years is not allowed...at least not while being married.
Maybe a shag is ok after 20 then?...stupid immature comment.
Get a divorce and do what you want would be the only fair solution.

G-Money

I have to be honest, while what the OP did I think was wrong and inexcusable, I don't think she deserves to lose her family and marriage because of it. In my mind, she cheated and there's no two ways about it. And like I've said on other posts. If you really want to know what to do in a situation like this, imagine the situation reversed and your partner doing the same thing to you. Most normal people will take the correct route, although some will try to convince themselves that they'd get over it and that's really just them try to excuse their own behaviour or make it seem more acceptable.

I agree with other posters in that she seems to be more hung up on being found out and doesn't seem to be that remorseful. The annoying thing is that I'm sure if her husband had done the same thing, he'd be raked over the hot coals for years because of it.

I don't know if you should tell him OP. Especially now coming up to Christmas. I'd like to think you genuinely regret cheating on him as opposed to just regretting that you got caught.

LegacyUser

harsh?! wrote: »

MARRIED! what a bitter comment to make about this being the last christmas she could have with her family.

Get a grip she drunkly kissed a co-worker, not worth losing her family over IMO. Unfortuatly alcohol and the christmas spirit took her over.

And wagon i think pissing on trinity college and getting in trouble with the gardai show a total level of immaturity.

In no way was it a "bitter" comment! this is a fact.. the husband might be told about it on a football night out with the lads? - u can bet they will add to it, making it worse. - imagine how the husband will feel then?

"harsh?!" it is probably ok in your world to say "that's bold, don't do it again" and forget all about it so long as u don't get caught - but as all office party's go.. they thrive on the gossip of who did what with whom etc... it's only a matter of time till it's out in the open.

St James

ah feck - come on brothers and sisters. how many of us have regretted doing something when drunk. this was a kiss, thats all. There was nothing malicious or adulterous intended. We live in a Christian country where thankfully, stoning is no longer condoned.

the girl is distraught. She regrets doing what she did. She is concerned that someone else knows and might 'spill the beans' to more.

Give her a chance.

iguana

grandmaster wrote: »

I have to be honest, while what the OP did I think was wrong and inexcusable, I don't think she deserves to lose her family and marriage because of it.

It's not up to you though, is it? What you'd forgive your wife for and what the OP's husband will forgive may be completely different.

OP, I think it is very likely your husband will find out. You kissed someone at a work party and some of your workmates know your husband. I can't see this remaining a secret. You have two real choices now. Wait for this to get back to him or tell him yourself. If you decide to tell him, remember it's a few days to Xmas and you have young children, if he won't see your colleagues til after Xmas then allow your family to have a nice holiday. Use the time to work out exactly why you kissed someone else so when you tell him you are able to answer him properly when he asks why.

I suspect if my husband kissed someone else I would try to forgive him, especially if we had children. I think most people would try to forgive a kiss so your marriage isn't necessarily over. But I do think you have a lot of work ahead of you to fix the problems that lead to this and have been caused by this and that starts with being honest with him. I'm sure he will be even more hurt if he hears it from your colleagues which might make the whole thing harder to get past.

Stu77

I'm of the opinion that when someone cheats on their partner, even just a kiss, its because something in the relationship isn't right. It might be that the relationship has just become stale and monotonous or on a subconcious level the OP doesn't love her husband the way she did when they got married although she might be trying to convince herself that every is ok but knows deep down that on some level, the relationship is not working.

I've lost count of the amount of times friends have told me about things that they were unhappy about in their relationship while under the influence of alcohol, stuff they would never have told me sober and stuff that they haven't told their partner either.

Maybe the real problem for the OP is the lack of communication in her relationship with her husband because when you cheat, its because you are unhappy on some level in my opinion and some people rather than openly discussing any problems with their partner and trying to work together to sort things out, hide their frustrations but then end up cheating.

Its not black and white either. Cheating is abhorrent behaviour but after 10 years a relationship can lose its spark and people can start looking outside the home for a bit of excitement. We don't know whats really going on in the OPs head or the general state of her relationship but she does need to get a grip and figure out why she cheated and be honest with herself.

I don't think 10 years can be thrown away on a drunken kiss but if the OP isn't prepared to work at her relationship and deal with any issues head on then the chances are that she will cheat again all the while leaving her husband open to the embarrasement and humiliation of finding out through somebody else. Nobody needs that **** in their lives OP.

Wagon

harsh?! wrote: »

MARRIED! what a bitter comment to make about this being the last christmas she could have with her family.

He could be right.

Get a grip she drunkly kissed a co-worker, not worth losing her family over IMO. Unfortuatly alcohol and the christmas spirit took her over.

You're opinion on the severity doesn't matter, it's the opinion of her husband that matters.

And wagon i think pissing on trinity college and getting in trouble with the gardai show a total level of immaturity.

And I think someone who passes off cheating and blaming it on alcohol and christmas spirit isn't really someone who's opinions i take seriously.

yogalady

Wasn't going to reply to this thread but reading some of the responses really annoyed me. This is suppose to be a place where people can come on and talk about the problema annoyomously and ask for help. SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID. SHE MADE A MISTAKE. SHE KNOWS THIS.

People get a grip. Stop being so judgemental. A lot of very narrow minded judgemental immature people about. We all make mistakes at some stage and we try and learn from them. Why bother make a comment if you can't be positive or helpful. I just don't get it

Zaph

msmuffins wrote: »

Wasn't going to reply to this thread but reading some of the responses really annoyed me. This is suppose to be a place where people can come on and talk about the problema annoyomously and ask for help. SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID. SHE MADE A MISTAKE. SHE KNOWS THIS.

People get a grip. Stop being so judgemental. A lot of very narrow minded judgemental immature people about. We all make mistakes at some stage and we try and learn from them. Why bother make a comment if you can't be positive or helpful. I just don't get it

msmuffins, if you have a problem with a particular post please report it rather than commenting on-thread.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

OP,
These things do happen, especially under the influence. Please do not allow the previous 'holier than thou' posters to pile on yet more guilt.. I do not doubt your love for your husband and kids and completely disagree that a drunken kiss suggests a far darker relationship issue. Alcohol is not quite the truth potion so commonly thought as I have experienced on many an occasion.
Please try put this out of your head now for Christmas and enjoy the time with your family.

LegacyUser

I dont agree with the "It was just a kiss" because OP has no regrets in kissing this other guy

So no, its not just a kiss, its a kiss with intent
she should cop herself on, stupid cheap thrills putting her family at risk

Drink is no excuse either - if she cant handle drink then she shouldnt drink

OP you've done a great disservice to your family and your husband

Dan Chipowski

In my opinion, your husband has a right to know the truth of what happened. He may get it from you, or he may get it via a third party, which would be humiliating for him.

The OP's original post is very revealing. You are bricking it in case he finds out.........you are in no way horrified or worried at your own actions? If you were upset at making a drunken mistake at a christmas party, would you be going to another one a few days later? I don't think so.

LegacyUser

People seem to be clinging on to the fact of her lack of regret, the OP has only made one post, in paniced state. How do you know of her lack of regret?

FYI wagon the feeling is mutual , your drunken antics sound like the way i should spend my nights out!

I dont excuse cheating but seriously a drunken kiss is not a reason to break up a family, i dont believe the husband needs to know, it will only cause more hurt. This will be forgotten about, people do not like getting involved in other peoples relationships so i dont think anyone else will inform the husband.

I hope you have a nice christmas OP, people on here seem to be very quick to judge must be the bah humbug factor.

LegacyUser

Hi,OP here again.
Managed to get through the party ok on friday - avoided mixing drinks/shots etc which i think contributed to my drunkeness the last time.
I'm not sure if anybody does know, certainly apart from the girl in teh shop who commented on the stockings everybody has been grand with me so i think i got away with it. PHew.
i think there's a lesson in it for all of us (girls) in that it's dangerous to go too mad with the booze on nights out as it can lead to some sticky moments.

thanks for the advice - i did expect and got some fairly harsh comments and judgements.

happy xmas all
x x

LegacyUser

Jeez some of the replies are really harsh! In a way I do agree with the previous poster that often when someone cheats there is something not quite right within the relationship. I have been in this situation before and i was so distressed I couldn't eat, sleep or think straight for days after. Too gutless & guilty to tell him, he found out, went mad but after much yelling & crying we got back on track. For me it was a wake up call to look at why I did it - yes I had a black hole in my memory where most of the night was (alcohol toxicity) but also I wasn't totally happy. I still feel totally ashamed whenever I think of it but I am so happy that my other half forgave me.
Re advice for this lady I don't know, perhaps if you are having such difficulty telling him does it signify that you may feel something more? I doubt however that either you or your husband would want to give up your life together over this; if you do tell him yes it will be horrible but then at least he will know. It's hard to make sure you are telling him for the right reason: ie you want to be honest as opposed to just scared of being found out. It is probably very unlikely you are thinking clearly now, but I would say other people have been through this before and have come out the other side. Good luck to both of you, hope you work it out.

kenbrady

originalopagain wrote: »

i think i got away with it. PHew.

i think there's a lesson in it for all of us (girls) in that it's dangerous to go too mad with the booze on nights out as it can lead to some sticky moments.

Don't judge woman by your standards, I don't think this is a lesson woman need to learn.
Many woman go out get very drunk and don't cheat on their partners and children.

Size=everything

Some of the comments here are disgusting, brushing off a married women with kids coping off for feels with her work colleague as a non event. Ah sure its only drink. Even the OPs attitude is disgusting.

Far too prevelant an attitude amongst Irish women, thank god Dublin's got a bit more multi cultural these past few years.

McCABE1

Completely agree with Ken Brady, your experience is not a lesson for me OP, no matter how drunk I get, cheating on my partner is not something I will ever do.
The thing that bothered me most was the fact that you went to a party, got hammered and cheated on your husband. So what do you do the next night, whey hey go out and party again. You didnt do shots though, round of applause !! If I cheated on my husband I'd be devastated, not out for another nights drinking so soon after.
I'd never condemn anyone for a drunken mistake (once!!) but it is your lack of remorse that totally bothers me. "I think I got away with it, Phew" I'd put money on it that this will not be the last time you'll be in this situation.

Xterminator

there's cheating and there's cheating.

kissing a workmate when hammered is at the very lowest end of the scale. Its not like she had a one night stand, or a protracted affair.

give the girl a break. yes she has acted rashly, and regrets it now.

Some of the posters have psychic senses far more developed than mine, and think they can actually divine if the OP regrets her actions, from a short paragraph posted on a public board by an anon poster. Im not even sure if the poster is actually a girl ....

Getting back on topic, the OP should in no way admit it to her husband and ruin her entire familys christmas.

If the topic is ever raised by someone else, she can just claim it was a drunken christmas kiss, between friends. Nothing more. Lesson learned. Nothing to see here, please move along.

Danniboo

Wow, OP you're obviously very upset about this seen as how you're biggest worry is your Christmas party and new tights. How you can even go to this party is beyond me. A week before Christmas aswell. I can't believe the amount of comments passing this off as "it never happens" and sure say nothing. It's not someone who's broken a diet or went on a shopping spree, she cheated on her husband. It seems marriage obviously doesn't hold much value with people anymore. Its disgraceful. OP I hope for your kids sake this doesn't come out until after Christmas, Mammy and Daddy separating is probably not something they've asked Santa for.

Red Alert

On the scale of cheating, as such it's at the lower end. Still, it's your husbands decision whether he wants to continue with you seen as you did this. Therefore he has to know.

suspectpackage

I noticed it was mostly girls who were saying that the OP should just forget about it and move on. You see, when some girls go out, and get drunk, they do what feels good at the time and before they know it they are kissing a guy or more. Us lads can't understand that but the girls do.

As far as people telling her to tell her husband. lol, do you really think she will?!

No chance. The OP just disrespected her husband and made a show of him. and she's VERY relieved that she got away with it scott free.

Well done OP.

The Recliner

dontgowithtrend wrote: »

I see this all the time with a lot of Irish women. Theres a culture that a lot of Irish women adhere to where once in a blue moon they go out and get drunk and cheat on their husbands/partners then blame it on the drink and say nothing. The responses of Irish women so far in his thread says it all. OP with this in mind I would really urge you to go against the trend and tell your husband out of common decency. This acceptable trend has to stop as its actions like yours which serve to udermine decent, faithful Irish women. A lot of my friends aren't getting in long term relationships with Irish women anymore and this kind of general acceptance of cheating amongst Irish women is the reason why. Its not acceptable and he deserves to know.

Hello there

Generalisations are for the most part not a good idea

Also you have a registered account, please don't use the Unreg facility to post a controversial opinion again or the registered account will be banned permanently

*Edit* Just to clarify, the Unreg facility is anonymous, we cannot see who is posting when we are approving them, however if we suspect that someone is abusing the Unreg facility we can check

In this case I felt that someone was using the Unreg facility to post a controversial opinion and sh!tstir and as far as i am concerned that is not what the Unreg facility is for, they can use their registered account, if they are not willing to post it under their real name then tough

Danniboo

msmuffins wrote: »

Wasn't going to reply to this thread but reading some of the responses really annoyed me. This is suppose to be a place where people can come on and talk about the problema annoyomously and ask for help. SHE DID SOMETHING STUPID. SHE MADE A MISTAKE. SHE KNOWS THIS.

People get a grip. Stop being so judgemental. A lot of very narrow minded judgemental immature people about. We all make mistakes at some stage and we try and learn from them. Why bother make a comment if you can't be positive or helpful. I just don't get it

So in your opinion cheating on your husband and trying to hide it then expecting people to be okay with this is the mature, open minded thing to do. Get a grip.

Stu77

I don't think the husband needs to find out about this as long as the OP understands the reason why she cheated and takes steps to make sure it never happens again, i.e have a good look at her relationship and deal with any issues that are making her unhappy in the relationship. But if shes in denial and can't take responsibility for her actions then its probably time to tell the husband that she wants out of the relationship for both of their sakes.

You don't break up a marriage where kids are involved because you kissed someone. Thats crazy if both people still love each other. Most of us live in the real world and every relationship will have its ups and downs and far worse things have happened in relationships where the couple have come through it. I think many posters are overreacting and are too quick to judge the OP without knowing exactly whats going on in the relationship behind closed doors.

The fact that the OP seems to be more concerned about being caught is a normal reaction and she is probably petrified that her husband will end the marriage if he finds out. Its just a case of the OP working hard at the relationship. The guilt she will feel over the next few weeks, months is enough of a punishment.

Red Alert

I'd feel like a fool if I was the husband and found out a few years later. If he wants to leave her because of it then he'd feel that he'd been tricked for a couple of years. He should be the one to decide whether it's a big issue for him or not, and whether it's worth breaking up with over.

Kimia

I had to reply to this. The OP doesn't sound guilty or like she feels any regret at all so I can't understand why posters are saying that it's judgemental to say that this is wrong! Read her post!!! (phew???)

I would agree that it is a small deal to kiss someone while hammered and then feeling complete and utter shame, guilt and swearing to never EVER do this again. But the OP only seems to care about appearances and who saw her in her 'sticky moment'. I would lay a bet that she'll do it again, and if I was her husband I would be disgusted.

Siogfinsceal

look you made a stupid mistake. Your colleague probably doesnt know - and even if she does best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut and hope it blows over - it will as no doubt there will be something else to talk about next week.

I am at a loss as to why you are going out to another work night out already? If you genuinely feel guilty about what you did (I would consider it cheating myself!), then why not spend the evening with your kids and husband instead of puttying yourself in a position of being out with this lad again? If you really felt remorseful and guilty about it all and it was 100% something you would never do again - would you be going out with these people again?

Danniboo

If you're husband finds out about this and then finds out you went to another Christmas party with the same guy he's gonna think you're basically laughing at him behind his back. You should do the right thing, tell him.

rizzee

originalopagain wrote: »

i think there's a lesson in it for all of us (girls) in that it's dangerous to go too mad with the booze on nights out as it can lead to some sticky moments.

Your wrong there. Its your own fault for cheating, you can't put the blame on the drink! Hope your husband finds out tbh.

Don't mean any personal insult or anything there btw.

Danniboo

originalopagain wrote: »

so i think i got away with it. PHew.
i think there's a lesson in it for all of us (girls) in that it's dangerous to go too mad with the booze on nights out as it can lead to some sticky moments.

Seriously don't tar all women with this brush you're given the rest of us a bad name. You haven't learned any lesson you've just learnt that you can cheat on your husband and get away with it. Booze doesn't lead to these situations it's the person not having any self control that causes it. I always pace myself at Christmas parties and drink something light for the first few hours and i'm not married and don't have kids.

Peggypeg

My god, all the halos in here are blinding.

Hey OP, you still there or did all the holier than thou and judgement drive you away? Don't mind all the saints on this forum, they don't understand you making a mistake because they've never done a thing wrong in their lives, if only we could all be as perfect as the posters on boards PI section.

So anyway, here's a grown up perspective - you made a mistake, you're sorry, you won't do it again. Lesson learned, there is no need to rip your family to shreds and leave your children with a broken family. Just learn from it and keep your mouth shut, if your husband does find out, grovel and grovel some more, tell him it was a stupid mistake and that it will never happen again and I'm sure it will blow over.

And to the poster that said they hope the husband finds out, well that's just lovely, it's pretty sick hoping a family is going to go though hell over christmas.

Best of Luck,
Merry Christmas to you and your family.