Defining moments in your life-that changed you for better or worse

Lana80

One of mine would have been when I became a mother.I went through a really tough time adjusting to being a single mother but I feel a stronger and wiser person than I ever was before.

sarahlulu

Definitely agree, becoming a mother changed me for the better every time.

Also when my mother died I changed forever.

Cupcake_Crisis

I think when my uncle died it really matured me. For the first time in my life i had to take care of people on a purely emotional level and that was something id never really had to do before, or been able to do really. I think it changed me for the better

Novella

Oh, there are loads of things really.

When I was twelve, my granny died after a short battle with cancer. Throughout my childhood, she was my leading female role mother because at the time, myself and my mam weren't exactly close. It was devastating for me.

Also, the first time I saw my dad having an epileptic seizure and actually understanding what was going on. It terrified me to see someone who I had always thought of as big and strong and as a protector in such a vulnerable light. It made me realise that he needs me as much as I need him.

There are more but I think I'll leave it at that!

MissIT

hmm.. probably watching the mental and physical abuse my mam put up with for years from her ex boyfriend. I promised myself id never let any partner take me for granted or allow them to continue to hurt me. What made me even stronger was watching her finally getting the courage to get rid of him. Shes now married to the most lovely man who treats her right. I never really told her but shes a bit of an inspiration

Pythia

When I found about my mother's long-running affair. It signalled the demise of the family as we knew it as well as our excellent relationship.

Will

for the better, my job. Can deal with most situations pretty well in a collected manner when most would be flying around like headless chickens screaming and making things worse. My grandmother has a rare disorder she developed 7 years back, basically induces a form of epilepsy. She was staying over at ours and it happened. Was still asleep myself. Woke up by my mother yelling. Came downstairs, realised what was going on. Got my frantic parents out of the way, made my gran comfortable, rang the ambulance, timed the seizure and gave the paramedics the details. Reassured my gran as she came around and stayed with her. If I hadn't been as chilled there would have been a lot of arsing about and vital minutes lost. Put it down to my job.

Negative would be interactions with the opposite sex, a few not so pleasant experiences a few years back knocked my confidence for six. Has made me doubt myself and basically made me paranoid that the girl will walk any second, for no reason. I've copped on since but there is still that niggling little voice in the back of my head just whispering things.

Blush_01

Two separate incidents in college made me ask a few questions about things I'd always taken for granted with regard to other people. Not totally sure whether the result was positive or negative though - probably negative, but I'm working on turning it into a positive.

When my dad got sick things changed a lot, for the entire family. My dad is self employed and had to change his entire business. I still worry that he's pushing himself too hard (because he is - he hurt himself again today because he won't bloody listen to anyone). My aunt's accident, and more recently her alzheimer's has had a big impact on all of us too. I guess they've made me a bit more responsible.

This will probably sound a bit pathetic, but joining Macra was one of the best things I've ever done. For a long, long time I wouldn't let myself have fun or enjoy myself, but I've learned to have a good time and let go a bit. Definitely one of the most positive moves I made.

It hasn't really kicked in yet, because it's a new development, but I've just passed my driving test and I'll be bringing my car back up from home after Christmas. It really will change my life for the better. I actually feel more confident since I passed. *shrugs*

rannerap

my family breaking apart and being moved around a alot had a big imact,it made me very introvert and shy,friends i made since i moved back to dublin have said im a completely different person now than who i was when they first met me

Ickle Magoo

Getting married, having kids, loosing family members have all made me change as a person but the biggest defining moment was leaving home. Seriously unhappy & angry for reasons out with my parents control, just needed to get away and sort myself out; so when I was 16 I left the city, went off to the other side of the country to a remote location & worked on the land. Best thing I ever did & I think I'd be in prison or worse, if I hadn't taken the plunge.

Crumble Froo

several. joining up a certain message board... i wouldnt be in nz otherwise.

someone close to me dying in an accident that i really could have prevented, without a lot of effort.... i often feel the effects from that have damaged me irreparably.

the day a friend actually asked me openly about my eating disorder.... i could probably never have understood and come to terms with it otherwise.

the last time i attempted suicide.... i'd no idea i meant so much to so many people here. it's helped me understand my mind nad moods a lot more.

going for my first surf in nz.... ive never quite looked at life teh same way since.

Warfi

Crumble Froo wrote: »

someone close to me dying in an accident that i really could have prevented, without a lot of effort.... i often feel the effects from that have damaged me irreparably.

.

sometimes things like that just happen, don't blame yourself for it. Something similar happened to me, I just take it as being part of my life and it has made me what I am today*. Don't let it take over your life.

Enjoy the surfing exercise is great for the soul


*a cantankerous gee bag :pac:

Nervous Wreck

.

Blogger50

MissIT wrote: »

hmm.. probably watching the mental and physical abuse my mam put up with for years from her ex boyfriend. I promised myself id never let any partner take me for granted or allow them to continue to hurt me. What made me even stronger was watching her finally getting the courage to get rid of him. Shes now married to the most lovely man who treats her right. I never really told her but shes a bit of an inspiration

Such a positive story. You should tell her

For me it was definitely when my mother died a year ago. The person who moulded and adored me is gone and my life will never be the same as it was. Miss her every day.

On a positive note spliting from someone I spent ten years with and a year later meeting my lovely other half. Twelve years later were still together. Its true what they say "whats for you won't pass you"

furiousox

Leaving home and leaving the country (on the same day)

Moving abroad, living and working with people from all over the world, grew up, developed, changed, learned and matured greatly in a short space of time.

A period of taking LSD quite regularly a long time ago, l don't think l've ever looked at myself or the world quite the same ever since.

That's a blessing and a curse all at once.

Weidii

I've always been conflicted as to whether to do art or science. I had science down on my CAO 'til the last minute, I applied late for an art course and somehow got it. It turned out that on my first week of art college there was a science week on in trinity where they had speakers from all over the world speaking on specialised fields. I went to the first day of art college, but sacrificed the rest of the week to go to those science talks. (One in particular about gorillas really grabbed me) That week really made me realise where my priorities lay, so I worked for the year and am currently happily studying zoology (with some palaeontological aspects)!

I came out as being bi to each member of my family seperately, it took alot of working up to do. Each person, after I confided in them, told me a deep personal secret of their own. It just really confirmed to me that my family accept and trust me.

Around this time last year my mam was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. I've always been quite a reserved person, but when I found this out my way of dealing with it was to just take the "you only live once" attitude to the extreme. I discovered a side to me that had been buried in shyness since I was born. I know it might seem bad, and I am distraught that my children may not know her, but in a strange way it has done me some good.

CathyMoran

Meeting my husband, we have had a rocky road to get where we are but I really love him and he is a wonderful guy.

Mum getting ill, I feel like I lost two parents at the same time, including my dad who was one of my closest friends, he is lost without mum who turned out to be a bigger part of him than I thought...mum is still alive bit she has had massive brain injuries.

Getting cancer...my life was a mess, it made me sort it out as much as I could and has changed my life totally, you do not fully appreciate your life until you are faced with the serious prospect of loosing it.

All my miscarriages...too upsetting for words, am paranloid over our son now as he is not in safer teritory for another few weeks and am doing everything I can not finding it hard to gain weight for him, is a constant worry.

Loosing my best friend when we were 6 in a hotel fire.

shivvyban

Mine was meeting my mom. I mentioned before how I hadn't seen her since I was two. When my parents got divorced me and one of my bro's went to Ireland to live with my grandparents, followed a year later by my youngest brother.

Growing up I used to get to talk to my mom once, maybe twice a year and I had this wonderful image of this beautiful lady who was hard done by and had made some mistakes in the past but was never properly given a chance. I lived in this little bubble of love for her. The last time I received a birthday card from her was when I was four and I'll never forget it. It had this princess crown that you could make and was all pink and perfect.

When I turned 15 I got the courage to ask my dad why they split up and he asked me if I had any idea. I said no. No-one in my Dad's family ever bad-mouthed her or said anything of any real significance about her. Then he told me it was because of her using meth and stealing money, in and out of jail, etc. My heart went out to my father. He was only 19 when he got with her and 20 when I was born. He was an innocent little country boy who got burned real bad by her.

I thought my image shattered then but I forgave. She was my mom after all. How bad could she really be??

Last year I found her on the internet. Its amazing what you can find out through google. I contacted her and she ended up paying for flights for me, my OH and my middle brother to go and see her. My youngest brother refused.

I went and had my heart well and truely broken. Lie after lie spilled from her mouth, not only to me but to everyone she met. She told me she was clean while we were there. I've known enough people on stuff to know whats clean and not.

I haven't spoken to her since April last year and was softening up towards her but then came some new and disgusting revelations about her which means she is now facing 29 years in jail. I won't go into them as I am mortified that someone related to me could be so cold-hearted and callous.

It was meeting her and finding that stuff out last week thats changed my view on life. I thought I wasn't good enough a person or that some part of her had to be in me but now I realise that I haven't made her mistakes and I won't make them. I am not her and it took all that crap to prove that to me. My aunt had said I was manipulative just like my mom (there are issues there too but thats for another day) and now I know that's not true.

I am going to turn my life around thanks to all of this stuff.

Sorry for the long windedness...

Maple

Fantastic post Shivvyban.

Khannie

Cool moments that have changed me:
Getting engaged. Takes shockin' balls to get down on that knee.
Birth of my daughter (I'm not my sons biological father, so I wasn't there for that)
Getting married
Quitting smoking
Starting Thai boxing
Getting in the ring for the first time
First Pro fight

Sh*t moments that have changed me:
My dads illness and subsequent death. I miss him.
Miscarriages
Being cheated on (not by my wife )
Nearly failing 2nd year computer science because of French, though the very positive outcome of this was that I've worked my ass off at nearly everything in life ever since. Massive wake up call.

Xiney

I didn't have the happiest years from 11 - 17. Won't go into them because on the one hand it's details people don't need to know, and on the other it wasn't nearly as bad as some kids deal with. In any case, there were half a dozen life changing events, that both made me older beyond my years and an extremely angry (but strong) young woman.

When I finally moved out at 17 to attend University in Montreal, that was life changing. True independence, and the ability to start getting my head in order. University was life changing, and being the big boss of a student computer service with 40 volunteers working for me to run hundreds of computers for thousands of students for a year - that was a baptism of fire. But the accomplishments of that year remain one of my most positive memories of how capable I truly am.

I met John when I was 18. We spent 6 weeks travelling around the UK and Ireland, and I realised he was "the one". I proposed to him towards the end of the trip. We got married just over a year later, two weeks after my twentieth birthday.

Marriage. Now that is life changing. It's a lifetime commitment. I'm not religious (see ages 11-17) but if I believe anything is sacred it is our commitment to each other.

Got my DSLR camera after a lifetime interest in Photography (I came to Ireland because I thought it would be picturesque!). Started to get serious about my hobby. Got a job as a website developer and photographer.

Finally we moved back to Ireland. He had a year left of college. It was a tough adjustment for him, after two years out. He made it through.

Ah, Ireland. I've been here 27 months. I've been employed for a whopping 9 months of that time. Holy fvcksticks but this is not how I saw my life. This is not what I worked so hard in school and University for. This is not what someone who has been so good at every job she's ever had, and has always been a leader expects for herself. Ended up being prescribed medication for depression.

Now I'm starting my own Childrens' Portraiture business. Terrified

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Warfi

Iolar wrote: »

The one moment so far was when my mum died while i was in the Ukraine and spending 5 hours on a train after recieving that dreadful news and nearly missing the funeral because of flight issues from Dniepropetrovosk

, it's really tough hearing news like that when you're away from home, at least you got back in time

Beetlebum

Coming home and finding my mom lying dead in her bed. I'll never forget seeing teh blood on her face and touching her cold body. She owed me money and we weren't getting on so I burst into her room demanding my 20 quid so I could go to the pub. Just awful.

Being cheated on shook my world at the time.

Moving to Galway has been an amazing experience. I just moved last year and it was the best decision I've ever made!

Falling madly in love and telling him for the first time. He repayed me by cheating:pac:jerk!

Jessibelle

Having someone tell me years ago that they believed me.
For years I thought I was wrong or had provoked/asked for this particular thing to happen or I had exaggerated it in my head from a normal experience to a horrific one. I also thought it meant I was spoiled goods for lack of a better expression. Still working it all out, it still affects me more than it should, and it still intrudes too much into my personal life, to the extent that I've lost friends who have not known why I would suddenly freak out for a week or so, but I'm getting stronger and it really never ever will be that bad again, I hope.

Kya1976

I stopped talking to my mom when I was 15 for various reasons and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. Didn't have to deal with all the drama anymore.

Getting divorced. Even though I ended the marriage, the day the divorce came through it finally hit home that it really was over, it was a horrible feeling and yet a feeling of relief. Very strange day....

Moving to Ireland, love it here and this is now home for me.

SeekUp

The period that my mother was intubated, and I was at (or stayed with her in) the hospital day in and day out for three months. The meeting where the doctors told us that we would have to decide when to take her off the machine. The subsequent strength that came from somewhere, allowing her to breathe on her own the very next day. The two month recovery period where she left the ICU, came home, and was able to function and get out in the world again. Her sudden return to the hospital, and her death. The fact that the last words we said to each other were 'I love you.'

I can't even say how I've changed, and I don't know if it's for better or worse. But I feel that I see my family much clearer now (also, for better or worse).

I'd just like to thank everyone for sharing . . . you don't often hear about these moments in other people's lives, and it's at once humbling and heartening.

Cookie Jar

Good thread. Good posts from everyone.

The main life changing moment in my life was having my baby girl. It was unplanned and I was not quite ready. But the minute she was put on my chest I knew I was ready. I am proud of myself as I didn't think I would be able to live up to what was expected from me.
It was also made me aware that I have such a supportive and strong family. Couldn't have done it without them.

minidazzler

This whole year I have been broken down and built myself to a new person I think.

Started off on the 2nd January, got a call from a girl I know saying I had her Preggers, I did some math and worked out, she wasn't due her period for another 4 days. She insisted she was Preggers, and gave me a whole rigmaroll which I believed. I had convinced myself that what was in fact lust was love with this girl and I was stupdi. When She finally admitted she wasn't Preggers I was a broken fella, I was so shaken from the thoughts of being a father.

I kinda changed after that, started running regularily and doing some other ****. I considered myself to be quite **** for ages. Ugly, a personality noone could like and some other stuff.

It was after my holidays in September when I got built up, I was looking at my pics and realised, I am one handsome fcuker. I am actually good looking, I started developing confidence in myself. I was talking to some people, and getting compliments, people helping me and whatnot, alot of people on boards as well!!

Now I am quite a confident fella, stopped caring what people think of me, but most people seem to like me now!

It took my whole life so far, but now I know I am NOT a worthless piece of sh1t.

So, thank you boards, you made me, me.

Jammy

My uncle getting cancer and dying, the other uncle having a stroke, my other uncle having to go into hospital after nearly dying, my grandad dying, my sister in hospital and my mum and dad feuding and tearing our lives apart, my dog getting diabetes all at the same time in the same year really changed me. I know I can handle anything and not break down.

Breaking up with my boyfriend after 3 years and my Dad leaving within the same month. I'm too scared to get close to people anymore in fear of not even hurting me but hurting them aswell.

At 5 years of age I realised I would die and never be around EVER again. I'm trying to live each day to the max. I make decisions on whether or not I might experience a moment of happiness. Everything I do is just for love and fun and not malicious in anyway, I feel a lot more liberated that way.

I get taken for granted a lot in life and it's dented my self confidence. I genuinely feel that people don't actually like me they just humour me. I can't pinpoint what actually happened I think it's just after years.


*hides*

That's rather personal eeep.

NewFrockTuesday

Holy Jesus, some of the replys on this thread make my arm hairs stand so much on end its painful. It makes me think that no matter how much I dont like someone, I must always keep it in my head, that not one of us gets out of this unscathed.

I come home most nights and log in for the craic. But every now and again, there are threads that give me a real insight into what TLL is all about. We have the fluffy threads where 12 different shades of pink rule supreme and then we have the threads where we actually gain some insight into the posters that we banter with or lurk upon.

First off, respect to those of you who have absorbed and dealt with what has been put your way. No matter what happens in our lives, its happenned, so it has to dealt with. Its how that affects your take on things and how that affects your well being in going forward with your life thats important. Im absorb, but I do have to cut myself off to think things through, I have the choice to do that as I dont have any dependants. The Ladies who have to get through and still raise kids etc , I take my hat off. Im not sure I could. Not to mention cancer, abuse, heartbreak etc

In short, Im blown away. Respect to TLL.

modmuffin

Never really really got on with my dad during my teenage years, and something carried forward into my early 20's.
Long story short, brothers 21st (3 years ago) and after big night out, I burst into tears in front of my girlfriend and basically got a lot of stuff off my chest. She convinced me to rectify my issues and let the rest fall into place and im now genuinely best buddies with my dad
Its gas, we are very alike but didnt really talk for years (for no apparent reason.)

Finding out im gonna be a dad(early surprise) and being so calm about it has really focused me and given me a complete change of priorities/perspective.
Baby due in 6 weeks and ive already grown up ALOT!
Cant wait til the mayhem begins!

metrovelvet

Wathcing my father decay to cancer and then watching him die. It changed me for both better and worse. A big part of me got killed off with him and a much harder, colder part was born. I cant really explain it. But now I really wish he was here, to at least meet his grandson. He got very sick around christmas time, so for a long time I couldnt look at a christmas tree without cracking up.

My baby son. Also changed me for better and for worse. I am a hell of a lot more tired now, in fact chronically tired, have little head space and an awful lot of work, but having a child has done something that losing a parent has done also, which is to make you more aware of our vulnerabilities, how easy it is to lose, how easy it is for it all to be gone, how easy it is to hurt, how powerful the fear of abandonment is in all of us. So, this is his first christmas where he is really aware of the whole razmatazz and I am starting to enjoy christmas again through his eyes. He was talking about it being baby jesus birthday and how baby jesus eats cake for his birthday and then started singing happy birthday. I love child logic. Sorry I digress.

But both shadow in me a sense of how little time we have. We have so little. Which is good to be aware of, but it has exacerbated my already impatient nature.

Das Kitty

Lots of things have changed me but I'll stick to the big stuff.

My brother being sent to Spike Island when he was 15 (I was 8) for aggrivated assault. He was big into glue sniffing and went bananas one night and picked up the carving knife and in his altered state ended up cutting my Mum's hand badly. I was upstairs told to stay there but was absolutely terrified. I was so frightened if him when he came home and it took a lot for me to feel comfortable with him again.

My Dad moving out when I was 13. For the first time in my life I wasn't walking around on eggshells, home was where I looked forward to going after school and at last we had laughter and good times in the house.

Going to University (even though it's in my home town) my world opened up it felt like being an adult, people wanted and respected my opinions. After some mild heartache I decided I was no longer going to sit back and let life happen to me and took a Carpe Diem pledge, that very week I met the love of my life.

Meeting my husband was such an amazing experience, the whirlwind that Christmas was wonderful. As well as the whole being in love thing it did break my mother and I apart a bit. We had clung to one another through all the crap and were really too close. Ultimately my Mum saw the benefit of me taking off when she met the love of her life.

My little brother's baby dying and holding him in the hospital. It was just so meaningless and horrific. He would have been 5 by now.

Finding out the same brother had become addicted to Heroin last year. Feeling so completely helpless is just horrible. When I think about it all I can picture him as is the gorgeous funny little boy he was growing up, so for the most part I don't think about it and just hope that someday soon he'll want help to come off it and I can be useful again.

Deciding to cut contact with my Dad and implementing it by telling him this. I feel so free and don't get the lingering pit of stomach feeling I used to get on occasions where I'd see him, or force myself to ring him. He always let me down my whole life and I finally decided that I'm safer and saner without him in my life.

Getting pregnant this year has changed me a lot, my husband and I have always wanted children but only decided in January to go for it. I always had a lingering doubt that I'd be able to concieve (doubt put there by my Dad who told me that I probably wouldn't be able when he was trying to hurt me for some reason when I was 15). So when it happened so quickly it lifted all that crap and all those pie in the sky talks about what our kids would be like seemed real at last. Hopefully I'll have another life changing experience to add to the list in just over a month's time.

idontknowmyname

My parents separation, my friend from college who died in an accident two weeks later...seriously messed me up. I was also a month from finishing my degree and completing my thesis. I didn't talk to my dad for 2 years.

Moving to Northern Ireland and started seeing someone who ended up completely destroying me.
Moving to London.......best thing I've done so far and have a fab bunch of mates....I'm so happy and wish I had of done this years ago!

My two nephews being born....they are just hilarious!

Black Swan

Crossing the pond on my own to attend university when 18.