Keeping ex's phone numbers

james.xix

Hi all,

Do ye see anything wrong with keeping ex's phone numbers?

I personally don't and have a few still on my phone.

No real reason really, I have moved on from them but some might text every or they'd tet me and I'd want to know who it's from.

It's bothered my gf a few times that I have. She thinks as we're in a relationship that I should cut all contact and not have them.

I've said to her it's down to me who's numbers I have on my phone and that I don't go initiating any contact with ex's.

As I see it, I've numbers of old workmates, teammates, classmates etc. I kinda have ex's in the same boat. Probably won't contact but you never know I might.

Myself and my gf did split for a while at the end of September, it wasn't an issue that I kept her number then.

Am I wrong to keep ex's numbers?
Would I be right in thinking if I do delete ex's numbers, it will say a lot about where I feel I am with my gf?

Agent J

Nope. Still a few exs who are still friends(Yes it is possible).

Your current GF is insecure. Has she been cheated on by someone in the past?
All you can do is re assure her that they are the past and she is the present & future.

If she puts the foot down then she doesnt trust you and you have a problem.

upmeath

No offense mate, but your gf is being very petty! You probably think the same, that's why you've brought the issue up here.
You're entitled to have any numbers in your phone, once they're not your neighbour's 14 year old daughter or 1560 lines I don't see why anyone should question the numbers you keep. I still have numbers of people I was with 5 years ago, as does my current gf, and it doesn't bother either of us in the slightest. She has limited dealings with her ex, I have none with mine, by choice.
It's a house built on trust. Maybe reason with your gf that your past conquests are friends and nothing more. If she insists that you cut the people that were in your life out completely she's being highly unreasonable. She might have issues with trust from a past relationship or family issues. On the other hand, she might be curious or suspicious by nature. You need to address those fears, but I wouldn't go cleaning out my phonebook to just her and your house number.

james.xix

No offence taken.
I’ve said the same, I don’t tell her what numbers she should have in her phone nor would I, and I’d expect the same with me.
It comes up every now and again.

Your right regards limits I have and she has. She says she has deleted the numbers of her ex’s. I think that’s ok for her if that what she wants to do but I never asked for that.

I have reasoned with her as well. She’s the first ex I got back with, in that we were split for 2-3 weeks and did get back together.

I would have thought it shows I can’t be bad anyway if none of my ex’s have an axe to grind with me, just the usual did not work out for any reason.

She is a bit suspicious alright but like you say, there has to be trust.

I won’t be deleting any numbers anyways, she’ll just have to accept it.

Taltos

sorry - mixed posts.

Op - my preference is to delete them.
But it all depends on you - you gotta ask why are you keeping them?
To stay mates - has that worked - if not then just delete them.

james.xix

Taltos wrote: »

sorry - mixed posts.

Op - my preference is to delete them.
But it all depends on you - you gotta ask why are you keeping them?
To stay mates - has that worked - if not then just delete them.

Well, there's no bad blood really between any me and my ex's.
I do get the odd text from time to time, least then I know who it's from.

I haven't been looking at staying mates, but I do bump into some, sometimes a text could be sent a day or two later.

I don't have them on facebook or anything anyways, I've always taken them off that.

Myself and my gf did split at some stage as well. I'm committed to the relationship but I wouldn't say my current relationship is rock solid but we have only been back together about 6 weeks and old squabbles and the split tend to come up a bit.

magneticimpulse

I would delete the numbers. Im sure you have plenty of mates and its not as if you will be ringing your ex anytime soon to go to the cinema together. One of the best things in moving on from people is deleting ex's photos, numbers, emails, videos...everything about them and then you make room for a new girlfriend. Its not as if the ex will get offended if you deleted them and its not as if your in daily contact that you would notice. Not only is it peace of mind for your girlfriend, but I think its just good to let go of everything like that. Fair enough if you saw them in the street say hello. But thats about as fair as id go.

upmeath

Please forgive me if it's an unfair assumption, but are you a relatively young couple? As in around the 18-20 mark? I thought maybe the "xix" in your username might indicate age...
In hindsight the people we're in relationships with when we're younger (and not much younger, mind you, I'm 22 now) find it harder to be exclusive with each other and to build trust. It's an age when experimentation is everything and when you enter into the world of relationships and courtship we fear losing our partners more than anything else in the world. As we mature though we start seeing things for the way they are, your current partner is with you for a reason, and vice versa. If they had reason to be with someone else, they would end it without much hesitation. That's the main realisation your gf needs to make, you're with her (i) because you like her, you get on well, you're physically attracted to her, et cetera (ii) because you want to be with her more than you wanted to be with your exes.
Keeping their numbers isn't a statement of intent to end things with her any time soon. If anything it's a reflection on our varying abilities to sever the bonds we might have had with someone and continue as friends.

james.xix

I see where you come from with the .xix.

I'm actually 27 and she's 25.

I'm still living life to the fullest.
My previous ex's before her were all around 21, they generally were cool enough about this sort of thing, as was I about them.

I am likely to bump into my ex's on night out and getting talking to them, we're just friendly, couteous to each other.

My gf an I have had our ups and downs as well. I'd have to be really sure about her to delete their numbers but it should be down to me if I do.

Least I didn't hide the fact to my gf anyways, I wish she'd let it go but she likes to bring it up once in a while.

upmeath

james.xix wrote: »

I see where you come from with the .xix.

I'm actually 27...

Apologies.

james.xix wrote:

My previous ex's before her were all around 21, they generally were cool enough about this sort of thing, as was I about them.

If it's bugging you, commit these numbers to a draft email on a web-based account, somewhere she can't get at them without serious effort, and the next time she's sifting through your phonebook or brings it up in conversation you'll have a clean slate. But you shouldn't have to go that far out of your way, I'd be stubborn about something petty like this and keep the numbers. If she wants you to be sure about her she needs to stop nit picking over silly little things like this.

james.xix

upmeath wrote: »

Apologies.



If it's bugging you, commit these numbers to a draft email on a web-based account, somewhere she can't get at them without serious effort, and the next time she's sifting through your phonebook or brings it up in conversation you'll have a clean slate. But you shouldn't have to go that far out of your way, I'd be stubborn about something petty like this and keep the numbers. If she wants you to be sure about her she needs to stop nit picking over silly little things like this.

Ha ha, your grand regards my age.:D

Not really bugging me, just wanted to know if more people thought she should let this one go.

I had thought about keeping a record else where but I should not and will not do that.

Bottom line is she's been told I have some numbers on my phone, I'm not in contact with the girls and I do not see what the big deal is about.

AngryBadger

The only reasons to keep an ex number is against the possibility of ****ing her again, or perhaps for reconciliation.

If you didn't end things then the reconciliation is not on your side of things, delete her number and let her beg.

Otherwise by all means keep all your ex-partners numbers....because that's healthy

Taltos

At the end of the day - if you want to keep them and occassionally stay in touch then keep them.
Normally people get rid of numbers etc so that they can move on. Seems like you don't have that issue - so by all means keep them.

There should be no reason for your current gf to be jealous over this - or should even know. My wife while she has full access to my phone never feels the need to look thru it - she trusts me - just like I trust her - would never think of checking to see what numbers are on her phone.

So - if this is something coming from your gf - I would encourage her to work on her insecurities.
But if this is something you want to do then by all means go ahead and do it.

Ickle Magoo

james.xix wrote: »

Hi all,

Do ye see anything wrong with keeping ex's phone numbers?

It depends. Do I see anything wrong with having an ex's number whom you are in contact with? No. If you are keeping ex's phone numbers just to have a link to them then it is a bit more of an issue. Having said that, I have no idea what numbers are in my OH's phone book because I've never looked in it.

Lana80

James they are called exes for a reason.Why would you hold on to their numbers?

james.xix

I didn’t really think twice about having my ex’s numbers on my phone until my gf seemed to want to make an issue out of it and not leave it drop.
It came up in conversation on ex’s that I get the odd text. I didn’t want to lie and said the fact I’m telling her shows how it means nothing.
I’m not looking at having a link to them, we’re in contact occasionally but that’s all. I’m not longing for any of my ex’s either.

Lana, they are ex’s because our relationship ended. Some people can’t talk or look at their ex’s again but I’ve not had that experience really, though there is the odd one or two and I don’t have their numbers any more.

Lana80

I see it this way.If you are with someone who you really want to be with ,then there is no need to hold onto someone in your past(in the form of texts etc).
I have exes who I would be on friendly terms with but I wouldnt keep their numbers.I wouldnt want to lead them on.

magneticimpulse

I think your nit picking at your girlfriend again. You have had 2 threads already and now you are going to bring things up per topic? Seriously, what are you trying to do to the poor girl?? Do you want an army behind you to tell her shes wrong or are you just going to realise that yourself and move on??

Fair enough you have actually given some good advice to other people. But really hope I dont see anymore threads about nit picking your girlfriend and comparing here to ex's. Jaysus if she bothers you that much, dump her.

Lana80

Agree with above message.

AvaKinder

I think all this why would you want to keep their numbers after youbreak up stuff is a bit silly.

I still have at few exes numbers, one I never hear from, one I txt the odd time and meet up for drinks with as we were close friends for a long time after breaking up and one who's probably my best friend. None of this is for the chance to hook up.

As a girl i can see why she might feel somewhat threatened by this, i've felt the same if i know someone i'm with is texting their ex. Unfortunately it is a matter of trust. And i've been with people who get insanely jealous, one ex stopped short of pissing a ring around me to mark me off from guys who were just friends and it's usually a sign the relationship isn't very stable.

If you end up deleting these numbers, will your girlfriend next start bugging you about female friends or co workers?

I know I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who couldn't except the fact that despite my relationship with my ex didn't work we still have a valuable friendship and you're only aqqauintances

sam34

if someone was looking through my phone and then getting stroppy about the contacts i had and demanding i erase numbers and drop contact, they would find themselves dumped pretty sharpish.

i cannot abide that sort of small-minded, controlling, manipulative behaviour.

james.xix

Lana80 wrote: »

I see it this way.If you are with someone who you really want to be with ,then there is no need to hold onto someone in your past(in the form of texts etc).
I have exes who I would be on friendly terms with but I wouldnt keep their numbers.I wouldnt want to lead them on.

Can't disagree with that.
If I'm felt in a good position in my relationship with her I probably would but surely that should be down to me.

Some on here see no problem with me keeping the numbers, others do, at least this way I'm getting to see this from a different perspective.

I did break up with my gf at the end of September, she wasn't complaining that when she was an ex, I kept her number.

I've also told her, with her, it's the first time I've gotten back with someone, sure that should allay her fears.

There are other issues at stake in our relationship, if we sort them out, then possibly yes we'll have a strong relationship moving on.

If not, well I'm not thinking about that.

I'm not leading on any of my ex's. Usually is general chat like how're they getting on.

Many people have ex's on facebook, bebo, etc. I don't anyway.

I bumped into an ex while I was split with my gf, we just shook hands, talked a bit about things we were up to.

There was an odd text or two but definitely in a friendly way and that was it.

LegacyUser

way i see it,if you still talk to your exes then your not really over them...

james.xix

sam34 wrote: »

if someone was looking through my phone and then getting stroppy about the contacts i had and demanding i erase numbers and drop contact, they would find themselves dumped pretty sharpish.

i cannot abide that sort of small-minded, controlling, manipulative behaviour.

I was talking to my gf earlier, I haven’t hid the fact either I’ve been on a forum having a general discussion about some things. Told her as well people agreed with me on somethings and people agreed with her also and think I should have a look at myself.

Your last line: “i cannot abide that sort of small-minded, controlling, manipulative behaviour.” , this touches on something.
She seems to have an idea that as her boyfriend I should act like this or that.

Dunno about dumping the girl, I might have some other time, did end things with her once with the way somethings had gone but we seem to have something going on.

I brought in up in our conversation that we are our own people, I don’t really have expectations from her, I live a chilled out life and only want to be treated right and fair and I’m not looking to control anything.

I think she might have got the message. If things can’t work out, well, I won’t go down this road.

james.xix

AvaKinder wrote: »

I think all this why would you want to keep their numbers after youbreak up stuff is a bit silly.

I still have at few exes numbers, one I never hear from, one I txt the odd time and meet up for drinks with as we were close friends for a long time after breaking up and one who's probably my best friend. None of this is for the chance to hook up.

As a girl i can see why she might feel somewhat threatened by this, i've felt the same if i know someone i'm with is texting their ex. Unfortunately it is a matter of trust. And i've been with people who get insanely jealous, one ex stopped short of pissing a ring around me to mark me off from guys who were just friends and it's usually a sign the relationship isn't very stable.

If you end up deleting these numbers, will your girlfriend next start bugging you about female friends or co workers?

I know I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who couldn't except the fact that despite my relationship with my ex didn't work we still have a valuable friendship and you're only aqqauintances

Your right it is trust. I didn’t hide from my gf I might get a text from an ex the odd time and I’d reply. I’m being upfront and not hiding anything.

My gf and I as I said elsewhere did split for a while, she wasn’t complaining that I didn’t delete her number and cut all contact with her.
Also, and she knows it, she’s the first ex I’ve gotten back together with.
She also know, and I came clean about it, that I met my last ex while we were broken up, I just talked with my ex and left it at that.
If I was to get back with her or anything that would’ve been the time but it was never going to happen, I have moved on from her in that way.

You mention work, my gf has asked questions about the way girls dress at work.

None of my ex’s are on my facebook/bebo pages but workmates are. She didn’t have a word about that but didn’t seem happy.

I told her a girl at work, when she saw on my page I was in a relationship, joked she would put a note on my page that she saw me in a pub with some girl. My gf didn’t see the joke at all. She wanted to know the girls name and said she can get bitchy at times and did not like that.

She doesn’t like the fact either, my boss is about my age.

My gf can be a bit childish, I like her but sometimes things bug me but not that I’d end things like people say.

I think she’s beginning to accept I’m my own man, she’s her own woman. I don’t expect things from her and trust her, if she can do the same of me things will be great.

If not, well, I do not want to go down this road.

AvaKinder

The most important thing here is to stand your ground. If she can't accept that you love her and you're with her and not looking to be with anyone else thats gonna stem from her own insecurities.

Maybe previous exes accepted her opinion when she required this behaviour of cutting off contact and deleting exes but she have to show her that you won't do this, and not doing it doesn't mean you aren't commited to her.

Girls do tend to feel more threatened and unfortunately many people do see to cheat but if you;re together awhile she should know you well enough to know that you won't. She knows you didn't score an ex while you two were apart and you need to explain that even if, god forbid, things were deteriorating between you, that you would never use that as an excuse to cheat.

She may have a hard time accepting that you once held these girls dear to you, but she should accept your reassurances that she's No.1&2&3 etc in your life.

Stand your ground dude!

Taltos

OP one last thing.

As a previous poster touched on - this is the 2nd thread in just a few days.

A relationship - modern / healthy - whatever - is normally between 2 people.
Just be careful that you don't make this a habit and your relationship becomes you - her - collective. A relationship by consensus is not really one worth keeping.

We all need outside advice now and again - but suggesting to your OH to read this thread to prove you are right is a bit - I don't know - not right somehow.

Maybe I am out of line here - but you might just want to cop yourself on and just concentrate on the two of you for a while without a cheerleading squad.

<confused>

Finally - back to the phone numbers. Talk to her about this and many other things to set the ground-rules and common expectations for your relationship. What is right for you - might not be right for her and a lot of other people. Personally I would not like anyone tell me what I can or cannot do - but I would not keep ex's numbers anyway.

magneticimpulse

james.xix wrote: »

I was talking to my gf earlier, I haven’t hid the fact either I’ve been on a forum having a general discussion about some things. Told her as well people agreed with me on somethings and people agreed with her also and think I should have a look at myself.

Your last line: “i cannot abide that sort of small-minded, controlling, manipulative behaviour.” , this touches on something.
She seems to have an idea that as her boyfriend I should act like this or that.

Dunno about dumping the girl, I might have some other time, did end things with her once with the way somethings had gone but we seem to have something going on.

I brought in up in our conversation that we are our own people, I don’t really have expectations from her, I live a chilled out life and only want to be treated right and fair and I’m not looking to control anything.

I think she might have got the message. If things can’t work out, well, I won’t go down this road.

My god would you ever stop MOANING about your girlfriend. Complain complain complain. Ive had enought the past 2 days. We get it! We all know you split up and got back with her...jaysus 2 weeks is not really splitting up if ya ask me. But give it a rest would ya. Do you want an Oscar?? Your windging more than Halle Berry accepting an award. ffs, I never heard anything like it. Now your going to rub her face on this thread as well?? Well make sure you show her my post because my tits are starting to droop with your complaints about her. Move on, grow a pair of balls and give it up!!

sam34

magneticimpulse wrote: »

My god would you ever stop MOANING about your girlfriend. Complain complain complain. Ive had enought the past 2 days. We get it! We all know you split up and got back with her...jaysus 2 weeks is not really splitting up if ya ask me. But give it a rest would ya. Do you want an Oscar?? Your windging more than Halle Berry accepting an award. ffs, I never heard anything like it. Now your going to rub her face on this thread as well?? Well make sure you show her my post because my tits are starting to droop with your complaints about her. Move on, grow a pair of balls and give it up!!

if you've "had enough" perhaps you could just not read the thread?

magneticimpulse

my advice is I think this guy needs to cop on. I find it disturbing because he is using the comments from boards to use against his girlfriend and wrecking her head instead of just being a man and ending a wrong relationship. I find it a huge problem that he is trying to give her some sort of complex for whatever reason. Thats why I have to read and reply because Ive never seen anyone do something so cruel to anyone. Just stop putting your girlfriend through pain. Its obvious you dont love her and just on some ego boost.

finbarrk

james.xix wrote: »

Hi all,

Do ye see anything wrong with keeping ex's phone numbers?

I personally don't and have a few still on my phone.

No real reason really, I have moved on from them but some might text every or they'd tet me and I'd want to know who it's from.

It's bothered my gf a few times that I have. She thinks as we're in a relationship that I should cut all contact and not have them.

I've said to her it's down to me who's numbers I have on my phone and that I don't go initiating any contact with ex's.

As I see it, I've numbers of old workmates, teammates, classmates etc. I kinda have ex's in the same boat. Probably won't contact but you never know I might.

Myself and my gf did split for a while at the end of September, it wasn't an issue that I kept her number then.

Am I wrong to keep ex's numbers?
Would I be right in thinking if I do delete ex's numbers, it will say a lot about where I feel I am with my gf?

I'm kinda confused. Is it your phone? If so whats the problem with her? And why does she have to know who is contacting you? If you have to show her everything thats on your phone it's time to get out I would think anyway.

Wibbs

magneticimpulse wrote: »

My god would you ever stop MOANING about your girlfriend. Complain complain complain. Ive had enought the past 2 days. We get it! We all know you split up and got back with her...jaysus 2 weeks is not really splitting up if ya ask me. But give it a rest would ya. Do you want an Oscar?? Your windging more than Halle Berry accepting an award. ffs, I never heard anything like it. Now your going to rub her face on this thread as well?? Well make sure you show her my post because my tits are starting to droop with your complaints about her. Move on, grow a pair of balls and give it up!!

magneticimpulse dial back your anger please. If you can't control your frustration and give helpful balanced comments then please don't post in this thread again. Helpful posts only. Calling the OP a moaner/whinger/complainer and suggesting he grows a pair are not helpful. Thank you.

Sharlovesjohn

have you asked your girlfriend why she wants you to delete the numbers?

My boyfriend had ex's numbers in his phone, untill I use the phone to send a text and saw a message from his ex saying did he want to meet up in her's or in a hotel this weekend, (weekend i happened to be away) we were only a few months together but it hurt like hell and i asked him he at first lied about who the text was from number wasnt saved but admitted it was an ex who had just text him just to see how he was etc nd said the text came out of blue trust was blown out of the window was really hard he removed all contact with all ex's female friends that were overly flirty to show I could trust him (he was a huge flirt) we now live together after trust was rebuilt i never had problems with numbers but now I wouldnt be comfortable with him having them again because of what happened before even though I trust him I know i'd start to worry again if he was in contact with them, but we'd talk about it and i'd let him know my worries,

Viperbot

I would keep them man. Never know when they can come in handy, plus she has no right to tell you what contacts you can or cant have in your phone. Relationships are about trust, from the sound of it, theres some lacking from her end. Thats gonna cause prolems sooner or later. Also, you guys have already split once. If it happens again, surely some of the ex's will provide a shoulder to cry on . I know I come across a bit harsh, but its been a rough year so just gonna cut through the bulls**t and give my two cents. Best of luck anyhow...

solar energy

delete them

put ur gf first.. if u need the number in the future.. im sure u could get hold of it.
At the worst, it could lead to a mistake of temptation..

just my opinion, as a girl

PopUp

james.xix wrote: »

My gf an I have had our ups and downs as well. I'd have to be really sure about her to delete their numbers but it should be down to me if I do.

See, I think this could be what's annoying her, not the fact you have the numbers. In the back of your mind it seems like you are viewing the exes as a fallback, a parachute if everything collapses again with your GF.

Rebuilding a relationship that's already broken down once is hard. You have to both be committed. You can't have one foot in and the other foot texting your back-ups (so to speak).

Yes, expecting someone to delete their exes numbers is a bit excessive and controlling. But expecting a partner to commit wholly to the relationship is not. Your GF has a right to be upset that you're not 'really sure' about her.

james.xix

AvaKinder wrote: »

The most important thing here is to stand your ground. If she can't accept that you love her and you're with her and not looking to be with anyone else thats gonna stem from her own insecurities.

Maybe previous exes accepted her opinion when she required this behaviour of cutting off contact and deleting exes but she have to show her that you won't do this, and not doing it doesn't mean you aren't commited to her.

Girls do tend to feel more threatened and unfortunately many people do see to cheat but if you;re together awhile she should know you well enough to know that you won't. She knows you didn't score an ex while you two were apart and you need to explain that even if, god forbid, things were deteriorating between you, that you would never use that as an excuse to cheat.

She may have a hard time accepting that you once held these girls dear to you, but she should accept your reassurances that she's No.1&2&3 etc in your life.

Stand your ground dude!

I am standing my ground anyways, there’s no fear there.
Probably is insecurities alright, I have talked to her about it, I hope she has seen sense but it might come up again.
She seemed to have views alright how a boyfriend should be, she knows, if she didn’t already, I’m my own man.
I have explained it to her, I think she does know now.
Came on here for advice and people’s opinions on it, thank you for yours.
I wouldn’t says this is the most chilled out relationship I’ve had. Kinda says something though that we’re together. I don’t see anything wrong with working things out and finding a common ground.
If we do great, if not, well I won’t go there.
Sound man!

*giggles*

Sister started texting the ex again *facepalm*:rolleyes:

james.xix

Taltos wrote: »

OP one last thing.

As a previous poster touched on - this is the 2nd thread in just a few days.

A relationship - modern / healthy - whatever - is normally between 2 people.
Just be careful that you don't make this a habit and your relationship becomes you - her - collective. A relationship by consensus is not really one worth keeping.

We all need outside advice now and again - but suggesting to your OH to read this thread to prove you are right is a bit - I don't know - not right somehow.

Maybe I am out of line here - but you might just want to cop yourself on and just concentrate on the two of you for a while without a cheerleading squad.

<confused>

Finally - back to the phone numbers. Talk to her about this and many other things to set the ground-rules and common expectations for your relationship. What is right for you - might not be right for her and a lot of other people. Personally I would not like anyone tell me what I can or cannot do - but I would not keep ex's numbers anyway.

It is my second thread but a different issue.
The last one was put to bed.
On here for people’s opinion on what’s going on. Been given some good advice, criticism as well but don’t worry, I’m not hanging off people’s every word or anything.
I have not suggested my other half read this. I told her I’d been on a forum because of something she said and I wanted other opinions on this. I gave her a balanced view on the responses I got.
Your are out of line because I’m not looking for a cheerleading squad, just the good advice been given.
If I were to throw thing that come up here it would be stupid of me not would I even consider it. Our relationtionship is purely on what’s going on between us. Can’t believe it’s been questioned or doubted but least you know now.
She read magazines and seems influenced by some of that stuff. I’m genuinely here for a some advice and a different perspective as well. Especially from those who’d agreed with my gf. At least now I can see better why and my gf isn’t the only one who’d want ex’s numbers deleted.
On your last paragraph, I had that talk with her on the phone last night on that. That was before you posted that and all. I told her how I don’t really have expectations from her as a gf I how I treat her right. I told her this has to be common between both of us etc.
That’s the thing as well, I don’t tell her what to do nor should she to me.
A relationship is about working through things and finding a common ground, something we’re getting at. I definitely wouldn’t finish it with her on one issue, thinks we’ll work through it.

Thanks for your advice, no offence taken on your slight confusion in thinking I’m looking for a cheerleading squad.

james.xix

sam34 wrote: »

if you've "had enough" perhaps you could just not read the thread?

Thank you, appreciated!:cool:

G-Money

Hmmmmm, not sure about this. I have my own unique attitude to numbers and contacts in that I like to keep my contact list lean so I prune it every so often. There's only a small number of people who I'd permanently keep on my contact list.

The rest are sort of friends/acquaintances. But if a certain amount of time goes by and we haven't been in contact, I will delete their details.

When it comes to girls I'm interested, I delete them much sooner though, especially if I think they're leading me on or something.

I guess it's ok to keep your ex's numbers, as long as you're not having them there as a safety net to use if you break up with someone. Or in the hope that you get back together with them.

Taltos

Cool - glad you had the chat with her.
And sorry if I took you up wrong I tend to shoot from the hip sometimes - brain tends to engage a few hours later.

Anyway - hope you do sort it out. At a min she should be happy that you are not easily led and have your own ideas. However sometimes we have to compromise for the health of a relationship - I am not saying give in - but at least make sure she knows that you fully understand her viewpoints and can understand where she is coming from.
If you were to agree to everything the other wants the whole things would go stale v v fast.

Give me a G - "G" - oh hold on - no cheering

james.xix

finbarrk wrote: »

I'm kinda confused. Is it your phone? If so whats the problem with her? And why does she have to know who is contacting you? If you have to show her everything thats on your phone it's time to get out I would think anyway.

Yes, it is my phone.
She believe as her bf, I should not have ex’s number’s on my phone.
She has deleted all the numbers of her ex’s. I never asked her to, I would not be bothered if they were or not.
We were talking one day and ex’s came up in the conversation. We live in different towns and she was joking at first she hope there’s no girls around my town she should be worried about.
I laughed it off any way saying naturally enough she hadn’t.
She said something about getting an email from an ex. I didn’t say much about it, just said I see ex’s as a previous chapter in a book.
That was grand anyways but she wanted to know if any ex’s were in touch with me.
I just said I get the odd text but it’s nothing to worry about, had told her before I hadn’t ever really had a bad end to a relationship and might say an odd word or two if I saw an ex but that is it.
She wanted me to delete the numbers anyways. I was like ah no, it’s my phone, there’s nothing going on and how I would not ask her to do it.
She kinda got the message but wouldn’t leave it drop for a bit.
Sometime before we got back together I said to again it was something I felt she went too far with when we were talking about things but she still had a bee in her bonnet about it.
She’s dropped it more or less lately but I know she’s likely to raise it again.
Just wanted to check on here am I out of line or is should she just let it drop.

I don’t show her anything really that goes on in my phone, I’ve nothing to hide either though but I see it as private.

james.xix

Wibbs wrote: »

...dial back ____ anger please. If ___ can't control ____ frustration and give helpful balanced comments then please don't post in this thread again. Helpful posts only...
Thank you.

Thank you Wibbs.
Your spot on with what I selectively quoted above.
I'm on here for balanced comments.
I'd like to express my gratitude to those who have either advice or constructive criticism for me, without getting insulting.
Thanks all!:cool:

james.xix

Sharlovesjohn wrote: »

have you asked your girlfriend why she wants you to delete the numbers?

My boyfriend had ex's numbers in his phone, untill I use the phone to send a text and saw a message from his ex saying did he want to meet up in her's or in a hotel this weekend, (weekend i happened to be away) we were only a few months together but it hurt like hell and i asked him he at first lied about who the text was from number wasnt saved but admitted it was an ex who had just text him just to see how he was etc nd said the text came out of blue trust was blown out of the window was really hard he removed all contact with all ex's female friends that were overly flirty to show I could trust him (he was a huge flirt) we now live together after trust was rebuilt i never had problems with numbers but now I wouldnt be comfortable with him having them again because of what happened before even though I trust him I know i'd start to worry again if he was in contact with them, but we'd talk about it and i'd let him know my worries,

I did ask alright what the big deal is. She thinks as a couple we shouldn’t and that’s about the bottom line.
I’m like ex’s are a previous chapter, whatever numbers are in my phone are my business.

It’s not a subject I’d be raising but not sure she won’t.

I’m not getting any text like you were, just the general how’re you getting on and up to the odd time, nothing else.

I don’t initiate contact with ex’s anyway, if happen to see each other out and talk there might be the odd text but that’s all.

There’s been no text or anything from an ex that she should be worried about.

It does seem to come down to some insecurity alright though. She was mad eager for it to be put up on my facebook I’m in a relationship. She wanted a pic of the two of us as well as the main pic, I didn’t go along with that.

On that subject, we’re not on each others facebook/bebo pages since the mini-split. The first thing I did when I did break it off was cut her off facebook and sent her an emailing saying why I felt it was for the best.

james.xix

Viperbot wrote: »

I would keep them man. Never know when they can come in handy, plus she has no right to tell you what contacts you can or cant have in your phone. Relationships are about trust, from the sound of it, theres some lacking from her end. Thats gonna cause prolems sooner or later. Also, you guys have already split once. If it happens again, surely some of the ex's will provide a shoulder to cry on . I know I come across a bit harsh, but its been a rough year so just gonna cut through the bulls**t and give my two cents. Best of luck anyhow...

I won’t be getting rid of them either, not in the near future anyways.
If I do it’s when I feel the time is right and it’s what I want. It’s not open for discussion really.
Yeah, I know she is out of line and I did let her know.
I know yeah, if there’s not trust it’s bad. She seems to trust me in general. She know I’ve gone out in the town with the lads and even clubs and she hasn’t batted mush of an eye lid but this thing with the numbers bugs her a bit.
It will cause a problem if she will look at making an issue of it again.
Ha ha, they might, bumped into an ex while we were but didn’t go down that road. Told her as well and she’s has backed off more or less but I have a hunch it’ll come up again for whatever reason.
Hope all’s well with yourself.
Thanks as well man, good luck!

james.xix

solar energy wrote: »

delete them

put ur gf first.. if u need the number in the future.. im sure u could get hold of it.
At the worst, it could lead to a mistake of temptation..

just my opinion, as a girl

I do put my gf first but she can’t be demanding or telling me what to do with my phone.
It does come down to trust I suppose and fair being fair. I would not ask it of her.
I know myself, I’m not going to be going after any of my ex’s to get back together, their a past chapter etc. in my life in that regard.

Thank you Solar for your girl opinion, appreciated!

james.xix

PopUp wrote: »

See, I think this could be what's annoying her, not the fact you have the numbers. In the back of your mind it seems like you are viewing the exes as a fallback, a parachute if everything collapses again with your GF.

Rebuilding a relationship that's already broken down once is hard. You have to both be committed. You can't have one foot in and the other foot texting your back-ups (so to speak).

Yes, expecting someone to delete their exes numbers is a bit excessive and controlling. But expecting a partner to commit wholly to the relationship is not. Your GF has a right to be upset that you're not 'really sure' about her.

Your right, it could be.
Myself and my gf have had our ups and down. Not getting into other stuff again but while I like her she exactly always been endearing.
I am a bit unsure myself of my feelings. Felt to be the right thing to split. It felt to be the right thing to get back together.
I could’ve got off with an ex while I was on the mini split, met some other girls as well and got some new numbers.
I wasn’t desperate or longing to get back to my ex but did feel we could give things another go and work through things together.

I’m not viewing my ex’s as fall back, just happy to keep in touch the odd time. No bad blood between us and just friends and anytime we happen to bump into each other and talk, it’s just as friends.

I am committed to our relationship. She knew before during and after the split I had the numbers.
She was complaining that I hadn’t deleted her number. She knows also she’s the only ex I have gotten back together with, even if it was a mini-split. That should say it all. Both of my feet are in our relationship.

It is controlling to ask, she shouldn’t have really. I am committed as well. I’ve been very understanding of my gf in some situations and upfront and honest with her.

She probably should be upset if she suspects I’m not sure. There are reason why, she knows it as well and it’s really down to her.

james.xix

grandmaster wrote: »

Hmmmmm, not sure about this. I have my own unique attitude to numbers and contacts in that I like to keep my contact list lean so I prune it every so often. There's only a small number of people who I'd permanently keep on my contact list.

The rest are sort of friends/acquaintances. But if a certain amount of time goes by and we haven't been in contact, I will delete their details.

When it comes to girls I'm interested, I delete them much sooner though, especially if I think they're leading me on or something.

I guess it's ok to keep your ex's numbers, as long as you're not having them there as a safety net to use if you break up with someone. Or in the hope that you get back together with them.

That’s it as well, their numbers aren’t being kept as a safety net or anything like that.

As you say, as time goes by, I will delete numbers as well, be that friends/acquaintances. When I do is down to me.
Not looking to get back with any of them either. Just on good terms with some that we text the odd time or would talk a bit if we bumped into each other but that is it.
When I last saw an ex, we shook hands, talked for a bit and that was it. There was an odd text or two on things in general but that was all.

james.xix

Taltos wrote: »

Cool - glad you had the chat with her.
And sorry if I took you up wrong I tend to shoot from the hip sometimes - brain tends to engage a few hours later.

Anyway - hope you do sort it out. At a min she should be happy that you are not easily led and have your own ideas. However sometimes we have to compromise for the health of a relationship - I am not saying give in - but at least make sure she knows that you fully understand her viewpoints and can understand where she is coming from.
If you were to agree to everything the other wants the whole things would go stale v v fast.

Give me a G - "G" - oh hold on - no cheering

Ok, no worries. Tend to shoot from the hip at times myself as well, so know the story.
I’m always open for compromise but can’t really see the big deal with this. I guess I wish she would just me on this and not try to control who’s numbers I have on my phone.
That’s it as well, I went along with somethings she asked for and didn’t at this.
Somethings she wanted seemed fair, this came across as controlling and looking for too much.
I’ve no ex’s on facebook/bebo and agreed to put up I’m in a relationship so nobody could be mistaken that I amn’t. Anyone can only ask for so much.

Good luck man! :cool:

carolmon

james.xix wrote: »

Sometime before we got back together I said to again it was something I felt she went too far with when we were talking about things but she still had a bee in her bonnet about it.
She’s dropped it more or less lately .

So you have split up, discussed issues which bothered you and caused the split up, got back together and your girlfriend has not brought this up since?

Seems to me like your girlfriend can do no right in your eyes..........
I also read your previous thread and I think the best thing you can do is split up (for good this time)
you are obviously not suited and I think it's clear that you are looking to find fault with your girlfriend, so why not just admit that you don't feel enough for her and go your separate ways rather than constantly nit pick at her on a public forum.