Getting chatted up when ur not single

yourdeadwright

For some reason when ever im out clubbing while im a realtionship i always seem to get chatted up by good looking girls,now im no Brad Pitt but how come when im single it never happens( and just for the record i wouldnt cheat) Why does this happen

minidazzler

Or you just don't realise when a girl is chatting you up when you are single?

stovelid

You're not looking, so are probably more relaxed in the company of women and at ease when talking to them; in a word: more genuine.

I assume.

Because it is guaranteed drama for the crazies. Assuming they can see GF is there.

liah

Any unchecked hint of desperation you may have had while trying to chat up girls is now gone. Confidence is attractive. Thus, girls.

Also, there's some theory that if girls see you in a relationship, they're more likely to subconsciously realize you're relationship-worthy. Don't know if I agree with it or not. Forgot where I heard it, so I might just be talking bollocks. :pac:

Professey Chin

liah wrote: »

Any unchecked hint of desperation you may have had while trying to chat up girls is now gone. Confidence is attractive. Thus, girls

I see.........
I am now in a relationship!
*sits down*
>_>
<_<
Dang

Fago!

liah wrote: »

Also, there's some theory that if girls see you in a relationship, they're more likely to subconsciously realize you're relationship-worthy. Don't know if I agree with it or not. Forgot where I heard it, so I might just be talking bollocks. :pac:

Yeah, you are.

Only jokin. Yeah I'm the same. If I see a girl in a relationship, I want her more. I don't kow why. I just always have.

I would never act on this because, anyone who tries to get into someone knowing full well they're in a relationship, is nothing other then a relationship ruining scumbag.

Warfi

yourdeadwright wrote: »

For some reason when ever im out clubbing while im a realtionship i always seem to get chatted up by good looking girls,now im no Brad Pitt but how come when im single it never happens( and just for the record i wouldnt cheat) Why does this happen

Proof if any is needed that men should allow their girlfriends to dress them

minidazzler

Fago_25 wrote: »

Yeah, you are.

Only jokin. Yeah I'm the same. If I see a girl in a relationship, I want her more. I don't kow why. I just always have.

I would never act on this because, anyone who tries to get into someone knowing full well they're in a relationship, is nothing other then a relationship ruining scumbag.

Never say never, if it looks like an unhappy relationship it probably is! Brick walls exist to keep those who don't want something bad enough out. Other people out!

Fago!

minidazzler wrote: »

Never say never, if it looks like an unhappy relationship it probably is! Brick walls exist to keep those who don't want something bad enough out. Other people out!

I wouldn't. Even if they looked unhappy, doesn't mean they can't sort it out?

Madame Razz

It's actually quite disturbing when you get chatted up by somebody who *knows* you are in a relationship. Decidedly unnerving; I never know what to do when it happens or how to react; so I usually run away

Fago!

Madame Razz wrote: »

It's actually quite disturbing when you get chatted up by somebody who *knows* you are in a relationship. Decidedly unnerving; I never know what to do when it happens or how to react; so I usually run away

Ha imagine that. Someone chattuing up Madame here and her getting all nervous and then sprinting away. Ha I keep picturing it in my head.

Madame Razz

It isn't a situation I handle well

honru

liah wrote:

Also, there's some theory that if girls see you in a relationship, they're more likely to subconsciously realize you're relationship-worthy. Don't know if I agree with it or not. Forgot where I heard it, so I might just be talking bollocks.

It is indeed a truly head-wrecking phenomenon. A single guy hits a dry spell, finds himself in a new intimate relationship and then starts getting receptive interest from other women.

It's called "mate copying" or "pre-selection". Basically, if a woman sees you in a relationship with another female, it's a strong sub-conscious indication that he has good genes and valuable resources, e.g. health, capacity for survival, among other things. Women generally prefer males who have been "pre-approved" by other females.

Interestingly, while research experiments have theorised that women find men surrounded by other females to be more attractive, they found the opposite for men: that men find women surrounded by other males to be less desirable.

The OP didn't state in his post if he was with his girlfriend at the time when out clubbing. If not, he could be exuding a sort of vibe which indicates to other women that he is taken/desired by another female.

Fago!

I find it funny that these girls have to have a lad "pre-approved". Can't they make their own damn minds rather then have someone give the green light?

Tea-a-Maria

Forbidden fruit and all that jazz?

BDR

Good Question.

I'm with someone ATM, and was out with my friends at the weekend was talking to a nice guy for a while but obviously said no to anything happening.

I think maybe we're just more aware of people chatting us up when we're in a relationship.

Rondolfus

Women are more sensitive to the choices made by other women i.e. a "taken" man has already been chosen as a suitable mate by at least one other female and this man has indicated that he wants a long term relationship. For women, these are desirable traits in a man.

Across species women carry the reproductive burden. They have a greater investment generically in reproduction through pregnancy and lactation. Males generically are limited by the availability of females.
Because of this, females tend to be the choosier sex as choosing the wrong mate harms the female's reproduction investment more than the male's. To choose the right mate, females must use environmental cues and at least one of those cues is the selection of a mate by another female.

yourdeadwright

Juust to clear it up, my Gf wouldnt even be with me when it happens,
I guess it mite have something to do with the whole vide u give off when your attached,i just wish it happened when i was single, i wonder if u tried to have the same attitude when your single would it work,

seahorse

Rondolfus wrote: »

Women are more sensitive to the choices made by other women i.e. a "taken" man has already been chosen as a suitable mate by at least one other female and this man has indicated that he wants a long term relationship. For women, these are desirable traits in a man.

I definitely think there is something in this theory. My partner was in a nightclub a few months back and some random woman walked up to him and started talking. Here's how the conversation went:

Her: "Who owns you?"
Him: "Nobody owns me!"
Her: "Have you got a girlfriend?"
Him: "Yes"
Her: "Where is she?"
Him: "At home"
Her: "Can I own you for the night?"

At this he just kind of laughed and walked away. According to him he didn't want to say anything hurtful to her feelings which is just him all over; he's a very good natured person. I couldn't help but laugh when he told me that he wouldn't have gone near her whether he was single or had harem of girlfriends as she was in rag-order, but the interesting thing is that there is a lot to be read into in this short conversation, because it seems to me that she actually made a point of verifying that he had a girlfriend before she made her move. Having said that, who's to say what way she would have responded had she gotten a different answer? It'd be interesting to know!

Smyth

Good natured? He laughed and walked away. I'm sure she wasn't hurt at all.

He sounds like an ass.

anonymous_joe

Women always paid waaaaaaaay more attention to me when I was going out with someone. It's a bit annoying really.

Gyalist

f®eak s©enery wrote: »

It is indeed a truly head-wrecking phenomenon. A single guy hits a dry spell, finds himself in a new intimate relationship and then starts getting receptive interest from other women.

It's called "mate copying" or "pre-selection". Basically, if a woman sees you in a relationship with another female, it's a strong sub-conscious indication that he has good genes and valuable resources, e.g. health, capacity for survival, among other things. Women generally prefer males who have been "pre-approved" by other females.

Interestingly, while research experiments have theorised that women find men surrounded by other females to be more attractive, they found the opposite for men: that men find women surrounded by other males to be less desirable.

The OP didn't state in his post if he was with his girlfriend at the time when out clubbing. If not, he could be exuding a sort of vibe which indicates to other women that he is taken/desired by another female.

Completely true in my experience. For bonus points, take a young baby to a place where there are lots of single women. Ask me how I know?:D:D:D

minidazzler

Gyalist wrote: »

Completely true in my experience. For bonus points, take a young baby to a place where there are lots of single women. Ask me how I know?:D:D:D

*Grabs Cousin, goes clubbing! *

seahorse

Smyth wrote: »

Good natured? He laughed and walked away. I'm sure she wasn't hurt at all.

He sounds like an ass.

He's not an ass or anything like it. He laughed in a good-natured way, not in a smarmy or mocking manner; and anyway, considering the fact that she was busily engaged in the act of trying to screw someone else’s partner, many people (including me) would say she'd no right to expect consideration for her feelings.

shellyboo

Smyth wrote: »

Good natured? He laughed and walked away. I'm sure she wasn't hurt at all.

He sounds like an ass.

Oh, her feelings were hurt by the guy she was trying to get to cheat on his gf? Diddums.

Give me a break, cheek of her trying to score him when she knew he was taken. What about the gf's feelings? She didn't seem to give a crap about that...

Seonad

seahorse wrote: »

He's not an ass or anything like it. He laughed in a good-natured way, not in a smarmy or mocking manner; and anyway, considering the fact that she was busily engaged in the act of trying to screw someone else’s partner, many people (including me) would say she'd no right to expect consideration for her feelings.

I had to sign in to thank this but worth it

phic

I think you're just more aware of not being chatted up when you're single!
When I'm with someone, I'd never notice if I didn't get hit on on a night out, when I'm single I'd definitly notice!
Also there is the unexplained phenonemon of the less effort you make getting ready to go out, the more guys hit on you. If I'm with someone I dont make as much effort when I'm going out, so get hit on more!

MsHarlotDeVille

I'd never,ever been chatted up **cue violins** until a couple of weeks ago,but I definitely think it has to do with attitude; if you are having a good time and are relaxed, then people will be drawn to you. I have a friend who has been single for years and everytime we go out she literally sits on the edge of her seat eyeballing men,wondering "Is *that* him?" It terrifies me,so I can't begin to imagine how the men feel.

Sparky

Single lads, time to get yourselves some wing-women

Wibbs

Good plan from Sparky I have noticed going out with female mates there's definitely more interest. Even though I'd tell them I'm not with them there would still be interest.

I reckon on top of the whole reproductive thing that has been mentioned, simple safety comes into it too. Even if you're with a woman who is a friend it means at least one other woman reckons you're stable and sound enough to know and hang around with. Safety is an issue for many women. I would say men don't get this to nearly the same degree. In the sense that a lot if not most women have a built in low level wariness when out and about. It's unnoticeable to them as it's just a background thing.

On another note I think this explains at least some of the so called bitchy behaviour men note among women out on a night. It's defensiveness more than anything. A few instances of being grabbed or socially threatened by a drunk bloke in the past can be enough to make "feck off!" a default setting for many. I've known women who were really sound and very friendly if you were introduced to them by someone they knew when out of a night, but came across like utter wagons to strangers who just said hello.

Warfi

Wibbs wrote: »

I reckon on top of the whole reproductive thing that has been mentioned, simple safety comes into it too. Even if you're with a woman who is a friend it means at least one other woman reckons you're stable and sound enough to know and hang around with. Safety is an issue for many women. I would say men don't get this to nearly the same degree. In the sense that a lot if not most women have a built in low level wariness when out and about. It's unnoticeable to them as it's just a background thing.

On another note I think this explains at least some of the so called bitchy behaviour men note among women out on a night. It's defensiveness more than anything. A few instances of being grabbed or socially threatened by a drunk bloke in the past can be enough to make "feck off!" a default setting for many. I've known women who were really sound and very friendly if you were introduced to them by someone they knew when out of a night, but came across like utter wagons to strangers who just said hello.

I agree. Although sometimes some women on a night out are wagons just for the hell of it, there's definitely an element of keeping yourself safe which can often be overlooked by men. Your whole life you're warned about walking alone, walking at night on your own, watching your drink etc.

That's why you'll rarely see a woman wondering about on her own because all her friends have gone home. When women are out, they look out for each other and make sure no-one has to make their way home alone. Men don't seem to worry about their mates going home alone (not that they don't care, just the way it is)

MPB

Yeah when I was seeing the ex I used to get it all the time. Girls randomly coming over and chatting me up. Never happens when your single. Lads have to do all the work when your single well most of the time anyway. Saying that I did chat a girl up one night for about an hour and then she tells me shes engaged. In fairness she was wearing an engagement ring but I've never been in the habbit of looking to see if girls are wearing a ring or not. It never enters my head to look and check. Some girls have told me its the first thing they check when it comes to guys. Having asked some of the lads they dont check either to see if a girls engaged/married. When I say dont check I mean they dont look to see if theres a ring on the finger. It never enters my head anyway. Pity she was cause she was a really nice girl too. lol

jenny2hat

Maybe because quite simply, they don't know you're taken from just looking at you.