Is sharing a bed important to women?

callig

If a potential partner told you they slept better alone, would you be put off by this or would you be cool with it?

ash23

It depends on if there was a valid enough reason for it. For eg if I snored really loudly or had night terrors or was a very restless sleeper then I guess I would be ok with it.
However you say "potential partner" which looks to me like a non established relationship. So if a guy was saying it off the bat then no, I wouldn't be ok with it.
I don't like to be held and I'm a bit claustrophobic so I like my space when I sleep but that's why I have a super king size bed. I couldn't sleep in a different room to my OH. I wouldn't feel right about that. Dunno why.

metrovelvet

It woudnt surprise me if a lot of marriages were negatively affected by one or two people not getting good sleep. So, no I would not be put off. It might even be better for everyone.

stovelid

Personally, I don't mind sharing a bed (although I sleep better alone) but I don't like being held or wrapped up with somebody when I'm trying to sleep. Before sleep, on waking or some cuddling during the night is great but not for the whole night.

For some women (and men), this appears to heinously contravene the romantic rule of "sleeping in each other arms".

ash23

stovelid wrote: »

For some women (and men), this appears to heinously contravene the romantic rule of "sleeping in each other arms".

Yeah, I hate that. I don't mind a cuddle before sleep or for a bit before getting up and after sex for a little while but then let him off to his side of the bed and me to mine. I sleep on my stomach so it makes cuddling damn near impossible. I get too warm when spooning and I hate anyone breathing on my face. I'm a cranky cow when I don't get enough sleep so a HUGE bed is the way to go!

Cathmandooo

No I wouldn't be happy with it, there's an awful lot of bonding time while sleeping beside each other and sharing the same room. I'd feel like I'm missing out on an awful lot if he was in a different room. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Malari

Cathooo wrote: »

No I wouldn't be happy with it, there's an awful lot of bonding time while sleeping beside each other and sharing the same room. I'd feel like I'm missing out on an awful lot if he was in a different room. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

I think so too. But I might feel differently if he was a snorer. Hell, that alone would be a deal-breaker

pikachucheeks

I wouldn't have a problem with it!

Sometimes, it's nice to have a bit of space from your partner, because you appreciate each other more for that. Plus, a good night's sleep is important.

Just because you can't sleep together doesn't mean you can't still have spooning fun in the same bed before you go your seperate ways to doze off!

helimachoptor

with my current Gf i'm a hugger, I never was before, I like being right at the edge of the bed with barely any covers and each Gf before that knew their place, after sexy time quick cuddle and then sleep time you go over there ---> and I'll go over to the other side of the bed!

Now I find it hard to sleep without her, though sometimes I either go the spare room or go to the other end of the bed

Morgase

I prefer to sleep alone usually and so does my bf so I suppose we're lucky that we're of the same mindset. Sometimes he'll sleep in my bed and go off to his own bed in the middle of the night though, which is nice.

Even when we go to sleep in the same bed we have to untangle ourselves or it gets too hot (in the temperature sense!) and uncomfortable.

I thought that was really odd until I saw the replies here already, yay we're not weirdos! There is a perception out there that couples have to be in the same bed and spooning the whole night but I just wouldn't be able to get a decent night's sleep that way. Also I like being a starfish / other odd shape sometimes so he can't be there then :pac:

Ickle Magoo

I think most people sleep better alone if they are used to that, so no I wouldn't be put off with a partner thinking that at the start of a relationship - if they meant they did not want ever to get used to sharing a bed with me then yes, it would put me off.

I like my own space when I'm sleeping but I like sharing a bed too, we got a large bed as a compromise.

Sinall

I wouldn't have a problem with it, as I genuinely do sleep better on my own. It is nice to fall asleep with someone, so maybe a very, very large bed would be a workable solution as Ickel Magoo said above!

Das Kitty

I pretty much do sleep alone on the other side of a six foot bed. If either of us were duvet hogs we'd have one each.

How Strange

With my OH for 5 years and I hate when he has to go away for a few nights because I miss him BUT I sleep so well. I think he's the same when I'm not there and I think he particularly enjoys being able to do star shapes etc in the bed.

Having said that I love sharing a bed despite some drawbacks. I'd miss him too much.

sparky360

I have regular night terrors which can get pretty intense but despite that my missus would not be happy if I suggested different beds/rooms.

Cows Go µ

Well, my bf still lives at home as we're in college but I love the nights he gets to stay over as I love sleeping in his arms. If he was living with me, I would be slightly offended if he didn't want to sleep in the same bed for no real reason. Even if we aren't cuddled up all night, I love being able to cuddle up to him if I wake up or something and being in his arms is really reassuring and comfortable. I wouldn't give it up if I had a choice

Nervous Wreck

Sharing a bed is one of the best parts of a relationship for me. Lovvvvvvvvve waking up beside someone I like.

krudler

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Sharing a bed is one of the best parts of a relationship for me. Lovvvvvvvvve waking up beside someone I like.

Same as, i couldnt not sleep in the same bed with my girlfriend, we're all cuddly falling asleep then drift off to our own sides, but i love being woken up in the night by her cuddling up to me and putting my arm around her and falling back to sleep,aw I wanna be in bed right now:(

liah

I prefer to share a bed. I like the closeness and the warmth and just the plain good feeling you get from curling up with your partner at the end of a long day.

I'd probably not last in a relationship where I couldn't fall asleep with the person.. I love it too much. One of my favourite things.

John Mason

callig wrote: »

If a potential partner told you they slept better alone, would you be put off by this or would you be cool with it?

nope, not in the slightest. me and the ball chain sleep in seperate rooms Monday to Thursday. cant be doing with people taking up my bedspace and duvet plus he sounds like a tractor at night

marmalade3

Sometimes when my husband and I have a row, he will sleep in the spare room and it upsets me SO much - much more so than whatever the row was about. He knows it too!

It kinda feels like I'm being punished, ie he's taking himself away from me:(

This

I share my bed with a serial clinger, a dog, 6 pups....... wouldnt trade it for the world though.

I always go to bed first to make sure I get a decent space

I need my space to sleep, which is why I often sleep facing away from him or vice versa, and not huddled too tight.
But nothing will ever beat waking up in the middle of the night and being able to put my arm around him.

xzanti

Cathooo wrote: »

No I wouldn't be happy with it, there's an awful lot of bonding time while sleeping beside each other and sharing the same room. I'd feel like I'm missing out on an awful lot if he was in a different room. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Agreed, one the nicest parts of a relationship for me is waking up beside him in the morning and just rolling over for a cuddle during the night, I'd really miss him if he slept in a differnt bed/room.. I think it would turn the relationship a bit cold No ta.. Even though he does snore like a motherfcuker and sometimes I feel like throttling him, if it got to a point where I didn't want to sleep beside him I'd be worried.. but that's just me.. each to their own..

Chinafoot

Interesting BBC News article here.

Bed sharing 'bad for your health'

Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship, say experts.

Sleep specialist Dr Neil Stanley told the British Science Festival how bed sharing can cause rows over snoring and duvet-hogging and robs precious sleep.

One study found that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed.

Dr Stanley, who sleeps separately from his wife, points out that historically we were never meant to share our beds.

He said the modern tradition of the marital bed only began with the industrial revolution, when people moving to overcrowded towns and cities found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

Dr Stanley, who set up one of Britain's leading sleep laboratories at the University of Surrey, said the people of today should consider doing the same.

"It's about what makes you happy. If you've been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don't change, but don't be afraid to do something different.

"We all know what it's like to have a cuddle and then say 'I'm going to sleep now' and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?"

Tossing and turning

He said poor sleep was linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders, traffic and industrial accidents, and divorce, yet sleep was largely ignored as an important aspect of health.

Dr Robert Meadows, a sociologist at the University of Surrey, said: "People actually feel that they sleep better when they are with a partner but the evidence suggests otherwise."

He carried out a study to compare how well couples slept when they shared a bed versus sleeping separately.

Based on 40 couples, he found that when couples share a bed and one of them moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50% chance that their slumbering partner will be disturbed as a result.

Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with only 8% of those in their 40s and 50s sleeping in separate rooms, the British Science Festival heard.

Personally I find it difficult to sleep in the same room as the other half becasue he makes this really weird, irritating popping sound when he's asleep. Having said that, I miss him when he's not there. 'Tis quite the dilemma

xzanti

Chinafoot wrote: »

he makes this really weird, irritating popping sound when he's asleep. Having said that, I miss him when he's not there. 'Tis quite the dilemma

rofl.. I fcuking hate that sound, my OH does it aswel, it's like a weird saliva sound from the back of his throat.. very irritating..

Still don't wana kick him out of the bed though (yet)

Chinafoot

xzanti wrote: »

rofl.. I fcuking hate that sound, my OH does it aswel, it's like a weird saliva sound from the back of his throat.. very irritating..

Still don't wana kick him out of the bed though (yet)

Oh thank god it's not just me. I try explaining it to people and they look at me like I'm a weirdo. The only way I can describe it is like a tennis ball hitting a racquet...like a *pop*. Doesn't matter what position he lies in either. Once I hear it thats it, no sleep for me. Its all I can focus on.

But yeah, he'll be kept for a while longer at least

psycho-hope

depends on the person I think, my bf suffers from terrible insommnia at times so sometimes he will stay till i fall asleep and then go off to the spare room to watch tv and then come back to the bed in the morning when he wakes up

Raze_them_all

I'm a nightmare to sleep beside. I just pass out and it's physically impossible to move me/wake me. Also I jump quite alot when I'm sleepy which can get annoying. Oh also when I'm a drunk I tend to trash around and slap whoevers beside me accidentaly!
So nah I wouldn't be offended if a girl didn't want to sleep beside me

Jwacqui

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Sharing a bed is one of the best parts of a relationship for me. Lovvvvvvvvve waking up beside someone I like.

Have to 100% agree here! I love the closeness of sleeping beside somebody. Snuggling up together, its heaven.

Was seeing a guy for the last year or so and when we parted ways a few months ago I hated sleeping on my own! Felt so lonely. I love waking up beside somebody and getting to wake them up or the other way around! Brings a smile to my face.

I would hate not being able to share a bed with my OH.

wonderingabout

I Think it would be a dealbreaker for me.
I adore sharing a bed with my boyfriend. He is very nocturnal though so we don't fall asleep together, i usually go a few hours before him. I do hate someone breathing on my face tho and get quite panicky if i feel trapped, so we usually cuddle for a while and then drift off to our own sides of the bed. But i love it when he comes back over to cuddle me in the middle of the night.

I think it's my favourite thing about being in love...:D
(Even though he snores like a bear!!!)

tanyaog2007

i love sharing a bed with my baby, when he wraps me in his arms i fell so safe like nothing could ever hurt its the best feeling in the world , and i love waking in the morn getting a big cuddle and kiss its the best way to start the day off . he sleep talks nearly every night its really annoying but he shuts up when i give him a slap ha ha . i couldn't be with somebody that wanted to be in a different room.

SeekUp

Yes, it's important to me. Not sure if it would be a deal breaker, it would depend on the situation. If we both slept better alone, maybe we could work out sleeping apart for some nights and together the rest of the week. I love falling asleep and waking up next to him, but even more than that, there's something comforting about knowing that someone is literally beside me all night long.

We do need a bigger bed though -- between the two of us and the cat, we have to get a little creative with sleeping positions.

Pythia

I didn't like the idea of sleeping in the same bed as someone but when I got with my bf I found it so nice and didn't negatively affect me at all. I often fnd myself reaching out to find him when he's not there! It really makes a relationship imo.

banquo

My girlfriend basically beats the crap outta me in her sleep, but I put up with up because I couldn't bare to be in the same house as her not sharing a bed...

Novella

I find it really difficult to sleep with someone all cuddled into me. I mean, yeah, it's cute but it is not comfortable by a long shot!!

I love waking up next to someone I really like and having a snuggle or whatever but when it comes to catching some Zzz's, I waaay prefer to be in bed by myself, or at least just on my side with him on his!

I wouldn't be offended at all if a guy I was seeing didn't wanna share a bed, I'd be totally cool with it.