Heavily pregnant and still smoking and drinking

Johnnio13

A nurse my wife works with (cancer nurse) continues to smoke 25-30 B+H a day and does not think twice about drinking double scotch and cokes on a night out.
This boils my blood....she should know better, have respect for the child she is carrying and should know the long term effects on both her and her baby!!
This person also spent a considerable amount of time "trying" to get pregnant and tries to disguise the smoking with perfume which makes it worse.
Patients have even complained.

This is a rant but holy sh%t does the woman not care at all!!

Nevyn

There is no law about sticking a fork in your eye and there is no law about smoking and drinking while pregnant.
This is unfortunate but alas it is the facts of the matter.

lalalulu

I have to say it's not really any of your business, sorry op.. If this lady's child is born with defects or if she goes in to premature labour because of what she's doing then it will be she who has to deal with the consequences. She will have to deal with a possible special need's child and live with the fact that she caused it.. Sad but such is life, there's nowt ya can do...

themysteriouson

Johnnio13 wrote: »

A nurse my wife works with (cancer nurse) continues to smoke 25-30 B+H a day and does not think twice about drinking double scotch and cokes on a night out.
This boils my blood....she should know better, have respect for the child she is carrying and should know the long term effects on both her and her baby!!
This person also spent a considerable amount of time "trying" to get pregnant and tries to disguise the smoking with perfume which makes it worse.
Patients have even complained.

This is a rant but holy sh%t does the woman not care at all!!

It really is rediculous how someone who obviously was trying to get pregnant would then treat their unborn child with such disregard as to put their life at risk before they are even born!! I myself am a smoker and still quite young and even I had the sense to stop smoking and drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Personally I cant think of anything more selfish that some one can do!! For heavens sake it's less than a year you need to stop for. When the baby is born she can smoke OUTDOORS as much as she wants.

Noodles5

Urgh... this sort of stuff really irritates me..
Im actually studying childcare in college and theres a woman in my course who is approx 6/7 months pregnant and still smoking. What is wrong with these people?

Das Kitty

I try not to let seeing pregnant women smoking upset me but I find it quite hard seeing as a member of my family lost their baby at 8 months gestation as a direct result of smoking. It upsets me but doesn't make me angry mostly, that experience showed me how compelling addiction can be, even though they were told directly that it was the cause of the baby's death they still went to the smoking area for a cigarette almost immediately, both of them in absolute bits.

What does annoy me is people who say stuff like, I smoked through my pregnancy and my baby is perfectly fine! Even more so when they're Kerry Katona. Ug!

Ludo

<Removed Post myself...don't want to potentially start this debate here..definitely not in favour of smoking during pregnancy by the way>

Victor

Substance abuse is dangerous at any sage of pregnancy and there are some suggestions that it is more dangerous at the start. So if could be pregnant, its an idea to not indulge.

racso1975

well as victor said fetal alcohol syndrome happens in the 11th to 22nd day of the pregnancy when you prob aint got a clue. Have to say never heard of somebody losing a baby as a result of smoking

Cookie_Monster

Johnnio13 wrote: »

A nurse my wife works with (cancer nurse) continues to smoke 25-30 B+H a day and does not think twice about drinking double scotch and cokes on a night out.
This boils my blood....she should know better, have respect for the child she is carrying and should know the long term effects on both her and her baby!!
This person also spent a considerable amount of time "trying" to get pregnant and tries to disguise the smoking with perfume which makes it worse.
Patients have even complained.

This is a rant but holy sh%t does the woman not care at all!!

:eek::eek::eek:

What mentality must you have to knowingly do that, even worse in that being a nurse she should have more knowledge of the topic than the average lay person, if only through seeing examples of it in the hospital from time to time.

lalalulu wrote: »

I have to say it's not really any of your business, sorry op.. If this lady's child is born with defects or if she goes in to premature labour because of what she's doing then it will be she who has to deal with the consequences. She will have to deal with a possible special need's child and live with the fact that she caused it.. Sad but such is life, there's nowt ya can do...

It is "our" business as a society though. She is actively endangering her child through this behaviour and morally people should be interested in the situation. Also any defects, health issues or learning difficulties will ultimately cost the tax payer down the line.

lalalulu

Hi Cookie Monster.. You say it's up to society but ultimately we make our own decision's. I certainly don't want to live in a nanny state where i am told what i can and can't do in my everyday life. It's a personal choice and it's not like we can physically stop a woman smoking during pregnancy if she choose's to do so... Another poster pointed out addiction, it really can get a strong hold on a person and i suppose there should be more help for anyone who find's themselves addicted to any drug... I also have not personally heard of anyone losing a child during pregnancy because the mother smoked?! I have heard that a woman can possibly go in to premature labour and also the baby can have a low birthweight but not death! I would like to see research done to prove this though...

Das Kitty

In the case I gave above, smoking caused a blood clot in the placenta that travelled into the umbillical cord and suffocated the baby.

Noffles

Well this is Ireland... maybe you should try and stop pregnant women smoking... drinking, eating fast food... etc etc.... you stop them having abortions?

Not that I agree with it... but it's f*ck all to do with me what the woman does.

Cookie_Monster

but if she was forcing her 2 year old child to smoke or drink it would be a different matter...

Noffles

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

but if she was forcing her 2 year old child to smoke or drink it would be a different matter...

Obviously, it's against the law, but she's breaking NO law...

cch

racso1975 wrote: »

well as victor said fetal alcohol syndrome happens in the 11th to 22nd day of the pregnancy when you prob aint got a clue.

Link to the evidence please?

smelltheglove

I was going to post on this last night but thought better of it. But I actually think I will now.

I smoked throughout both of my prenancies. I tried to quit on the second but could not bring myself to do it. Yes smoking is an addiction and a very strong one for me. I didnt like it, I was ashamed of it, but I could nto stop doing it. Even without being pregnant I never liked the fact that I smoked, somethign stupid I started when I was young but I could never quit. I tried everything. Most recently after my second baby was born the guilt was killing me, I went to my doctor who prescribed me medcation tog et off smokes. It worked, it still took a lot of will power but it worked, I would neevr have been able to take that whilst pregnant. Unfortunately after my husband losing his job a few months back I started again, yes I hate it, I really do but I am caught up in the addiction. I think I will be going back to the doctor for those tablets again as I cant afford to smoke either never mind the fact that I hate it. I was lucky enough that my babies suffered no affect from my smoking thankfully but knowing the power of the addiction I could never tell someone to quit smoking.

As for the drinking, my first pregnancy was a crisis pregnancy, I was young, I couldnt handle what was happening to me and I felt so alone, the only time I felt normal was when I was out with my friends having drinks. Again, I would be ashamed of it, I never did it on my second. The first pregnancy nobody ever confronted me, nobody ever told me to calm down, asked me why I was rebelling like that, why wasnt I thinking of my baby etc etc and in actual fact I think if someone had have confronted me about my drinking it may actually have helped. People didnt want to ask me how I felt so they just offered me a drink instead wishing me well.

I am sure there are people out there that do go out knowingly drinking and not being in a depressed state, yes it is disregard for their child to drink excessively and I know of someone who did it in marriage, no crisis, who was confronted by a friend, the confrontation caused a rift in the friendship that lasted several years. Many people do not like to be told what to do or not do and sometimes you can take a gamble on whether you are going to lose a friend or help a friend by confronting them, I just regret that I didnt have any friends or family that would confront me. Thankfully my child was healthy and still is to this day but I cringe when I think of how I was when she was pregnant.

nesf

Smoking is an addiction. If it was easy to give up then we wouldn't be having problems with it now would we? Ditto with the alcohol to a lesser extent. Anyone viewing the former especially as a simple choice for the person involved is being highly unrealistic. I don't advocate either during pregnancy but they should be recognised as addictions not as simple life choices.

Deliverance

One can only sit back and 'judge' subjectively, that is a right of having an opinion. It is also a possibility for one to make a difference by actively seeking to gain justification of said judgement / opinion by positive action. This action should / could be, mostly in the form of learning about all the facts before making judgements.

themysteriouson

We all know it is an addiction. The point is she was trying to get pregnant hence she should of waited until she had given up smoking before bringing a child into that situation. Its different if the pregnancy isnt planned because you have no time to get medication to give up in advance etc.

Quackles

I dunno.. I know cigarettes are an addiction, and I've never smoked so I can't comment on what it's like to give them up. I can say this, though. I love food. Love, love, love. I find weight loss difficult, because it tastes so good. It's the first thing I turn to when I'm feeling down. You could call that an addiction of sorts. Well, last year when I was told I had gestational diabetes, I was religious about my diet from that day til the day the baby was born. I delivered lighter than I was when I concieved. I found it so much easier, even over christmas, to go without because it wasn't for me, it was for my child. I always thought the smoking and drinking thing would be the same. My smoking sister says the same - she has no problem giving them up while pregnant.

All I know is, I feel anger when I see pregnant women drinking and smoking. I would never say anything to them because it's none of my business, but inside my head, I'm thinking bad thoughts. I can't believe someone who struggled to get pregnant and works on a cancer ward doesn't have more respect for life. But, it's ultimately her choice. I wouldn't say a word to her.

nesf

nesf wrote: »

Smoking is an addiction. If it was easy to give up then we wouldn't be having problems with it now would we? Ditto with the alcohol to a lesser extent. Anyone viewing the former especially as a simple choice for the person involved is being highly unrealistic. I don't advocate either during pregnancy but they should be recognised as addictions not as simple life choices.

Some people are just weak. Attack me all you want, but it's my opinion. Of course it's not a simple choice or easy, but that doesn't make it excusable.

nesf

[quote=[Deleted User];63365207]Some people are just weak. Attack me all you want, but it's my opinion. Of course it's not a simple choice or easy, but that doesn't make it excusable.[/QUOTE]

Don't attack others by calling them weak please. Just cause you think someone is an idiot doesn't mean you can call them one on here.

nesf

nesf wrote: »

Don't attack others by calling them weak please. Just cause you think someone is an idiot doesn't mean you can call them one on here.

I'm not attacking anyone, it's a general statement. If you don't agree with my choice of words, then let me say that I don't think giving up smoking during pregnancy is 'unrealistic'. If that were the case, then how do many, many women manage to stop?

nesf

[quote=[Deleted User];63368780]I'm not attacking anyone, it's a general statement. If you don't agree with my choice of words, then let me say that I don't think giving up smoking during pregnancy is 'unrealistic'. If that were the case, then how do many, many women manage to stop?[/QUOTE]

No one said it was unrealistic, only that expecting all women to be able to give up would be given that is a physical addiction and these can be very hard to break. This of course doesn't mean that every woman shouldn't try to give them up.

smelltheglove

[quote=[Deleted User];63368780]I'm not attacking anyone, it's a general statement. If you don't agree with my choice of words, then let me say that I don't think giving up smoking during pregnancy is 'unrealistic'. If that were the case, then how do many, many women manage to stop?[/QUOTE]

Many many people find it impossible! Some people smoke to the day they die even with cancer as the addiction has overcome them soo much they cannot get by without it. Weak maybe, addicted though yes.

MelissaLahive

I tend to agree - I do find it it very wrong but at the end of the day it's the womans own choice. My own mother smoked while carrying me although she says that they didnt know the effects back then. In fact, I remember visiting her in the maternity ward when she had my brother and sister and nearly all of the women had ash trays next to the bed. Seems pretty bizarre. In terms of the drinking though, thats a different matter and surely she must realise that her baby is feeling the effects of her drinking.

Noffles

[quote=[Deleted User];63365207]Some people are just weak. Attack me all you want, but it's my opinion. Of course it's not a simple choice or easy, but that doesn't make it excusable.[/QUOTE]

Careful you don't fall off that horse now, looks quite high.....

eviltwin

I'm more shocked that she smokes and drinks to that extent given her chosen career rather than the fact she's pregnant.

I dont like seeing pregnant women getting locked or chain smoking either but I find the pregnancy police more offensive. I smoked and drank during my first pregnancy. My daughter is now 12 and absolutely fine.

Didnt do it this time around I have to say but I cant see any noticable difference between my daughter and my son...they both seem equally as fine

I do think mums to be should be encouraged to stop but its really none of anyones business and the holier than thou types out there should really stay out of it.

unkel

nesf wrote: »

No one said it was unrealistic, only that expecting all women to be able to give up would be given that is a physical addiction and these can be very hard to break. This of course doesn't mean that every woman shouldn't try to give them up.

Well said. For some smokers, giving them up is as easy as using the stairs instead of the lift. Eating an apple instead of a biscuit. For most people giving up smoking, it is not that easy. It is a lot harder than most people could ever imagine. I've read a few studies' conclusions that it is easier to get out of a heroin addiction than out of a nicotine addiction - cold turkey (no help from pills etc.)

eviltwin

I'm an ex smoker. My dad died as a direct result of smoking and even when his doctor told me I stood a good chance of going the same way if I didn't quit I still continued. I tried but just couldn't break the habit. Mind you my husband was a smoker then too so having to try and break a habit you have to see day in day out is nigh on impossible

It was only when he stopped that I managed to break it. This woman might be surrounded by other smokers and its so difficult trying to break an addiction when other people around you are regulary indulging

cbyrd

Ditto the last poster

I'm an ex-smoker too i gave up 7 years ago and you know something.. i'm one cigarette away from going back on them.. at least i know this.. those tv ads that show the brain monsters... it's true i turned into an anti-christ when i gave them up.. for about 3 months.. which i think given my stress levels would have been worse if i was pregnant :eek: i did smoke on my other 2 pregnancies.. i managed to cut down to 5 a day and this was a huge thing for me.. non smokers really can't comment.. it is an overwhelming need. the difference in pregnancies.. this baby is huge!!!!!!!!! the others were 5 lbs 8ozs and 6lbs 10ozs this one they reckon about 8lbs on the scan last week.. it'll walk out were the consultants words... :eek::D holy god but there are still nights where i dream about smoking and enjoy it wake up devastated that i've gone back on them and then realise it was a dream... 7 YEARS ON!!!
it's the drinking i can't understand.. unless alcohol is a problem for her too, personally i had the very odd drink when i was pregnant with my second on my first and this one i can't stand the smell of it..!! My doctor says everything in moderation.. but if you can give up all the better, i try not to judge until i have all the facts but it really is very irreponsible on the drinking side.. although maybe being a cancer nurse seeing so much suffering she's kinda going to hell with it we're all dying anyway... who knows??:eek:

The Big Red Button

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was going to post on this last night but thought better of it. But I actually think I will now.

I smoked throughout both of my prenancies. I tried to quit on the second but could not bring myself to do it. Yes smoking is an addiction and a very strong one for me. I didnt like it, I was ashamed of it, but I could nto stop doing it. Even without being pregnant I never liked the fact that I smoked, somethign stupid I started when I was young but I could never quit. I tried everything. Most recently after my second baby was born the guilt was killing me, I went to my doctor who prescribed me medcation tog et off smokes. It worked, it still took a lot of will power but it worked, I would neevr have been able to take that whilst pregnant. Unfortunately after my husband losing his job a few months back I started again, yes I hate it, I really do but I am caught up in the addiction. I think I will be going back to the doctor for those tablets again as I cant afford to smoke either never mind the fact that I hate it. I was lucky enough that my babies suffered no affect from my smoking thankfully but knowing the power of the addiction I could never tell someone to quit smoking.

As for the drinking, my first pregnancy was a crisis pregnancy, I was young, I couldnt handle what was happening to me and I felt so alone, the only time I felt normal was when I was out with my friends having drinks. Again, I would be ashamed of it, I never did it on my second. The first pregnancy nobody ever confronted me, nobody ever told me to calm down, asked me why I was rebelling like that, why wasnt I thinking of my baby etc etc and in actual fact I think if someone had have confronted me about my drinking it may actually have helped. People didnt want to ask me how I felt so they just offered me a drink instead wishing me well.

I am sure there are people out there that do go out knowingly drinking and not being in a depressed state, yes it is disregard for their child to drink excessively and I know of someone who did it in marriage, no crisis, who was confronted by a friend, the confrontation caused a rift in the friendship that lasted several years. Many people do not like to be told what to do or not do and sometimes you can take a gamble on whether you are going to lose a friend or help a friend by confronting them, I just regret that I didnt have any friends or family that would confront me. Thankfully my child was healthy and still is to this day but I cringe when I think of how I was when she was pregnant.

Thank you for telling your story. It's really good to hear an honest opinion from someone who has actually been through it personally and knows what they're talking about! And it's really brave of you to share your experiences.

Personally I don't smoke, and amn't a particularly heavy drinker - I'd like to think that, if I became pregnant, I would give it up for the duration of the pregnancy.

But at the same time, I don't think I'd judge what other people are doing while pregnant. I mean, you never do know what else is going on in their lives. It's easy to say, as in the first post, "Does the woman not care at all?" - for all you know, she may hate herself and judge herself as much as you hate and judge her, if not a hell of a lot more.

It's not logical, at all, but sometimes people are just not logical!

smelltheglove

chatterpillar wrote: »

Thank you for telling your story. It's really good to hear an honest opinion from someone who has actually been through it personally and knows what they're talking about! And it's really brave of you to share your experiences.

You're welcome, I think some people need to forget where they are now and get off their high horses and think about the past. I know plenty of people who will lecture on this that and the other but forget they did those things once too.

Demonique

Noffles wrote: »

Careful you don't fall off that horse now, looks quite high.....

Feel free to use my high horse picture next time

http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x260/GrainneG/pester.jpg

username123

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was going to post on this last night but thought better of it. But I actually think I will now.

I smoked throughout both of my prenancies. I tried to quit on the second but could not bring myself to do it. Yes smoking is an addiction and a very strong one for me. I didnt like it, I was ashamed of it, but I could nto stop doing it. Even without being pregnant I never liked the fact that I smoked, somethign stupid I started when I was young but I could never quit. I tried everything. Most recently after my second baby was born the guilt was killing me, I went to my doctor who prescribed me medcation tog et off smokes. It worked, it still took a lot of will power but it worked, I would neevr have been able to take that whilst pregnant. Unfortunately after my husband losing his job a few months back I started again, yes I hate it, I really do but I am caught up in the addiction. I think I will be going back to the doctor for those tablets again as I cant afford to smoke either never mind the fact that I hate it. I was lucky enough that my babies suffered no affect from my smoking thankfully but knowing the power of the addiction I could never tell someone to quit smoking.

As for the drinking, my first pregnancy was a crisis pregnancy, I was young, I couldnt handle what was happening to me and I felt so alone, the only time I felt normal was when I was out with my friends having drinks. Again, I would be ashamed of it, I never did it on my second. The first pregnancy nobody ever confronted me, nobody ever told me to calm down, asked me why I was rebelling like that, why wasnt I thinking of my baby etc etc and in actual fact I think if someone had have confronted me about my drinking it may actually have helped. People didnt want to ask me how I felt so they just offered me a drink instead wishing me well.

I am sure there are people out there that do go out knowingly drinking and not being in a depressed state, yes it is disregard for their child to drink excessively and I know of someone who did it in marriage, no crisis, who was confronted by a friend, the confrontation caused a rift in the friendship that lasted several years. Many people do not like to be told what to do or not do and sometimes you can take a gamble on whether you are going to lose a friend or help a friend by confronting them, I just regret that I didnt have any friends or family that would confront me. Thankfully my child was healthy and still is to this day but I cringe when I think of how I was when she was pregnant.

A number of things come to mind here.

Its an addiction.
You say you cringe when you look back showing that you are capable of reflecting on your actions and drawing a positive conclusion from them (positive in that you are not afraid to cringe at yourself, its a strong person who judges themselves and finds their actions wanting).
Its your body, and much as anyone may want to judge, no one can judge you until they have walked a day in your shoes.

So my take on it would be, dont feel bad for past actions, look forward to future actions where you can use experiences you have learned from.

+ a million on the strength of the nicotine addiction. Its horrendously strong and part of the difficulty of giving up is the idea of 'just one more wont kill me'. Im sure this is what many pregnant women think while they are smoking, 'just one wont hurt the baby'.

Besides, there are many things that women do while pregnant that may not be good for the baby, ingest junk foods, breathe dirty city air, experience stress, risk catching a communicable disease just by being out in public etc...

While I dont agree with smoking while pregnant, I would not like to live in a nanny state where what people are allowed eat and drink are controlled by the law.

Nor would I judge someone for being caught in the addiction of smoking. Pregnant or not.

Cabaal

Its and addiction alright but its also down to how strong or weak willed you are,

few cases:
- I know a women who was pregnant and before it she smoked however during it she stepped up her smoking to chain smoking style and was never not smoking, its clear that she's weak willed as she made no decent attempts to cut down or stop

- I knew of another person, they smoked 60 a day and were told for health reasons to stop to which they did cold turkey. This suggests a very stronge will, to this day they'll say that you have to want to quit otherwise you won't be able to and in this case they wanted to quit.

- Another person smoked about 50 a day and once was in a pub back in the 80's and somebody bet them IR£100 that they wouldn't quit smoking for a year. They stopped the very next day and got their money the following year. They never started smoking again. This suggests a very strong willed person and a person thats stubborn

So in short you need to be strong willed and/or stubborn and you have to really want to quit, yes its an addition but like any addictions you can stop.

Even my wife who loved smoking was able to stop smoking and I have loads of respect for her for being able to do it.

Ickle Magoo

I stopped smoking the day I found out I was pregnant, it was really hard & I struggled but I made a pact with myself not to smoke another one, to go cold turkey & I stuck to it.

My friend tried everything & couldn't give up, patches, a holder that looked like a cigarette, hypnosis, you name it she tried it. Everyone is different. Some people do not have addictive personalities or have a will of iron - or a combination. It's not fair to assume that what is easy for one person must automatically be easy for everyone.

Cabaal

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I Everyone is different. Some people do not have addictive personalities or have a will of iron - or a combination. It's not fair to assume that what is easy for one person must automatically be easy for everyone.

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

smelltheglove

Cabaal wrote: »

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

But Cabaal how do you know they havent tried????? Have you been with them every minute of every day?????? I tried and tried and tried but couldnt do it. At my best I got down to maybe 6 or 7 a day but I could not go without, I tried for years beforehand. Yes I have an addictive personality, I am not strong willed but I tried, however neighbours and strangers would not have known if I had tried no matter how hard it was for me they probablky made assumptions like you, that I couldnt have been bothered.

I was out last night and thought of this thread, a girl sitting close to us was obviously pregnant and hammered. Whilst out in the smoking area we got talking and she said to me that people probably thought she was a state smoking and drinking pregnant, I relaly thought of this straight away. I explained to her that I thought it was her decision, that i had been there before and if anyone judged her without knowing her they werent worth it.

The girl went on to tell me that it is her first baby, she is waiting for her scan next week to find out if she is having twins, with 5 sets of twins in her mothers family and generations before and twins in her fiances family she was obviously stressed by it. Now the lads at my table didnt now that info when they were judging her saying jaysis look at your one, hammered and pregnant.

Ickle Magoo

Cabaal wrote: »

This is correct, whats very concerning is the people that don't even try atleast more then once to give them up for the sake of their unborn child.

I don't know how you can possibly know that, there are people who smoke & drink and don't care - there are plenty of others who care very much. Now, I'm not advocating smoking or drinking while pregnant, I really don't agree with either - I was just pointing out that you can't assume the woman involved doesn't care or hasn't/isn't trying to quit.

Sorry smelltheglove, I don't think awaiting a scan to see whether you are carrying twins excuses getting drunk while pregnant! :eek: I can empathise with an addicted smoker who cannot quit completely while pregnant but unless someone is an alcoholic, there is no excuse for getting drunk.

Cabaal

My problems is continuing to smoke to a high amount (not even cutting down) and going out getting pissed shows a complete disregard for your unborn baby and your partner as there is no way you could ever be 100% sure that your actions are not the cause of problems your child could have at birth and/or later life.

I honestly don't see how anyone would choose to have this doubt in their mind, atleast if they gave up these things (especially drink for feck sake) they can say to themselfs that they did their best but if they are going out getting sh*tfaced on drink and their expecting they only have themselfs to blame if they have complications later on as its evident they don't really truly care.

Ickle Magoo

Well, yeah, I have to kind of agree with that.

Cabaal

smelltheglove wrote: »

I was out last night and thought of this thread, a girl sitting close to us was obviously pregnant and hammered. Whilst out in the smoking area we got talking and she said to me that people probably thought she was a state smoking and drinking pregnant, I relaly thought of this straight away. I explained to her that I thought it was her decision, that i had been there before and if anyone judged her without knowing her they werent worth it.

The girl went on to tell me that it is her first baby, she is waiting for her scan next week to find out if she is having twins, with 5 sets of twins in her mothers family and generations before and twins in her fiances family she was obviously stressed by it. Now the lads at my table didnt now that info when they were judging her saying jaysis look at your one, hammered and pregnant.

Ok fair enough she's stressed and I could understand smoking perhaps but drinking there is no excuse for, she's still putting her unborn baby at risk with no thoughts for the baby or the father who is also entitled to be sure his baby is health and kept health

nesf

Cabaal wrote: »

Its and addiction alright but its also down to how strong or weak willed you are

I'm strong willed and stubborn but can't quit them. I haven't smoked indoors since my wife got pregnant 5 years back. I only smoke outside where the damage is (for the most part) limited to myself. I've been trying to quit for 8 or 9 years at this point and hopefully at some point I'll succeed but right not it's not happened. I smoke less than I did in the past, but I'm still a pretty heavy smoker.

smelltheglove

Whilst I see where Ickle is coming from awaiting a scan is not an excuse but my point is that this girl was obviously quite stressed about it. Now we can all say well she should have done this that or the other but come one people, do you guys know whats going on inside these girls heads???? because seriously when I was in that position there was a huge amount of terrible things going on inside my head with all the stress I was under worrying about my situation etc, dont judge if you are unawares and judge only aware that you yourself will be judged.

I just dont personally hold a lot of respect for people who go about 'bitching' unknowingly but neither do I condone the situation here either I am just of the belief that without knowing all the details of anyone persons life none of us are entitled to slate their life choices.

sold

The mother obviously does not care about her baby's health. No real mother would subject their child to any "possible" side effects of smoking, no matter how slight. I have only known 2 pregnant women who smoke any both were to a***h**s. Both happen to be divorced now, but the kids seem ok.

Ickle Magoo

smelltheglove wrote: »

...but my point is that this girl was obviously quite stressed about it.

I don't get the link tbh. I don't know many people who aren't stressed about pregnancy and the life changing implications that brings. I still think going out & getting pissed is wholly irresponsible. It differs to smoking in that women who are pregnant and stressed have the choice of a million other things to do (massage, yoga, etc) to de-stress that doesn't involve alcohol. While I agree that it's not good to judge without knowing the full story in the vast majority of things we see happening around us & we disapprove of, drinking to excess while pregnant is one I just can't get my head around.

EDITED TO ADD:

The other bit I'm not following is that you say she was obviously pregnant & that was because she was stressed she may be carrying twins...if she was clearly showing then she would already know how many babies she was carrying, that is usually deduced in the the first scan at around 10-14wks...?

smelltheglove

That was what she was getting worked up over, she hadnt had the first scan, she was just hitting 3 mths and her tummy was quite large, why I said obviously pregnant. I would be of the opinion if she started a conversation with a stranger about her drinking and being stressed about twins etc there most likely would be a lot more to it also.

As for the above, sold, seriously, in your theory I am an arsehole yet you have never met me yet or walked a day in my shoes.

Originally Posted by Sold
I have only known 2 pregnant women who smoke any both were to a***h**s. Both happen to be divorced now, but the kids seem ok.

Ickle Magoo

I never called anyone an @rsehole, I just can't get my head around getting pissed while pregnant.

None of my business what anyone else does & tbh, as long as me & mine are safe & I'm doing the best I can, I don't really care what choices other people make, they are the ones that will have to live with them - my point was when there are so many alternatives; and drinking to excess while pregnant is neither down to addiction nor ignorance about the harm it can do, it's easy to see why people do judge.

smelltheglove

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I never called anyone an @rsehole, I just can't get my head around getting pissed while pregnant.

None of my business what anyone else does & tbh, as long as me & mine are safe & I'm doing the best I can, I don't really care what choices other people make, they are the ones that will have to live with them - my point was when there are so many alternatives; and drinking to excess while pregnant is neither down to addiction nor ignorance about the harm it can do, it's easy to see why people do judge.

I didnt say you ickle, sold as posted above you, sorry I should have quoted....