Breastfeeding in Public - my kid objects-Exhibitionism or a Right.(Mod Note Post 139)

CDfm

I was out for lunch with my 16 yo daughter when the blonde at the next table opened her blouse and whipped out a boob and started feeding her baby.

"EW" said the daughter " Does she have to do that where people are eating"

Now being the PC guy I am I said nothing (well I did but Im not admitting it).

It didn't bother me I would be more bothered by wailing toddlers or kids running around but my daughter was put off and some young teenage guys nearby were having a gawk.

So given that the mammary glands have a dual function sexual and sustenance how tolerant should we be . In private or in public?

metrovelvet

I honestly dont care. And besides which Id prefer it if they discreetly breastfed in public then having to pay higher prices for goods and services so that resturants, trains, buses, etc had to provide nurseries in their establishements.

The ridiculousness of your daugter's statement "does she have to do that where people are eating." Its a restaurant, its made for dining, the baby has to eat too. Honest to god. Get over it.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

The ridiculousness of your daugter's statement "does she have to do that where people are eating." Its a restaurant, its made for dining, the baby has to eat too. Honest to god. Get over it.

Not so fast, my daughter was embarressed at teenage boys gawking and I can see her point as a teenage girl and was embareesed cos the teenage boys wre there. Breasts are sexual - she knows that and they know that. Go figure.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

Not so fast, my daughter was embarressed at teenage boys gawking and I can see her point as a teenage girl and was embareesed cos the teenage boys wre there. Breasts are sexual - she knows that and they know that. Go figure.

Yeah but why be embarrassed about it. You should take her to a topless beach. Breasts are nothing to be embarrassed about.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Yeah but why be embarrassed about it. You should take her to a topless beach. Breasts are nothing to be embarrassed about.

Ahem, in context You should take herthem lads to a topless beach. Breasts are nothing to be embarrassed excited about

Get a bunch of young lads and a naked boob is a boob and they lack sophisticated thought processes. The lady in question was not shy -maybe she was being exhibitionist i dont know.

Herbal Deity

I don't have a problem with it, but those who defend it vehemently and spout crap like "breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world" irritate me to no end.

It's not exhibitionism, nor is it a right. It's a matter of taste, and people are perfectly entitled to not like it done in their presence.

amacachi

Did the establishment in question not have a notice saying "Only food and drink bought on these premises may be consumed on these premises."?

copacetic

amacachi wrote: »

Did the establishment in question not have a notice saying "Only food and drink bought on these premises may be consumed on these premises."?

No, but they did charge €5 corkage.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

Ahem, in context You should take herthem lads to a topless beach. Breasts are nothing to be embarrassed excited about

Get a bunch of young lads and a naked boob is a boob they lack ophisticated thought processes. The lady in question was not shy -maybe she was being exhibitionist i dont know.

They are not. Its all about context. Not when feeding and not on a topless beach either. This is just more irish weirdness.

metrovelvet

Its a bit mean to expect an infant to starve because boobies make you uncomfortable and women dont let it all hang out. They are as discreet as they can be.

I think it has more to do with our discomfort with coming face to face with our being animals.

amacachi

metrovelvet wrote: »

Its a bit mean to expect an infant to starve because boobies make you uncomfortable and women dont let it all hang out. They are as discreet as they can be.

I think it has more to do with our discomfort with coming face to face with our being animals.

Starve? Really?

metrovelvet

amacachi wrote: »

Starve? Really?

Yeah. Newborns have stomachs the size of walnuts and fast metabolisms, as they get older they can eat more and less often but believe me you would want her to whip out the breast than hear a hungry baby scream and cry. They cant delay hunger like we can.

Quality

Breastfeeding women deserve a medal...

It is hard bloody work.

But very rewarding for mother and baby.

babies are breastfed on demand, and one of the advantages of breastfeeding is that you can feed the baby when required, the milk is always there at the right temperature and fully equipped with probiotics and antibodies for junior.

Maybe you could explain to your daughter the benefits of breastfeeding, and how selfless the mother actually is for feeding her baby on demand....:)

Otis Driftwood

@ metro.

I think what CDfm is saying is that his daughter found it uncomfortable that there were a few teenage guys getting an eyeful of this most natural occurance.

Teenage boys are teenage boys,I was one for a while and looking back I probably would have had a look too.

On topic,it doesnt bother me in the slightest,fack it,its a mother feeding her child,as natural as breathing.I cant understand when people get into such a knot about these things.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Its a bit mean to expect an infant to starve because boobies make you uncomfortable and women dont let it all hang out. They are as discreet as they can be.

In fairness, Metro, this lady was not discreet.

If you support this whats the difference with having a topless bar. It didn't drag in the punters in Limerick and people were ambivalent about it.

Topless barmaid fails to save troubled pub from going bust

By Barry Duggan
Thursday January 31 2008 Irish Independent
THE country's first bar to employ a topless barmaid has been forced to close its doors forever due to a lack of business.
Browne's bar, located on the Limerick side of the Shannon river in the picturesque Montpelier village, is no more -- despite the pub's infamous attempts to pull in the punters.

Interceptor

OP, it is a right however some women can be a bit militant and wave their b00beHs about rather than trying to be discreet. Its a pity your daughter found the experience uncomfortable but I don't gather that it was the act of feeding that upset her, more the reactions of others. Was your daughter breastfed? Both my kids were until they were a year old and I'll be interested to see what they make of it in years to come.

'cptr

Herbal Deity

nedtheshed wrote: »

On topic,it doesnt bother me in the slightest,fack it,its a mother feeding her child,as natural as breathing.I cant understand when people get into such a knot about these things.

It's not that hard to understand, surely?

Indecent exposure is frowned upon in our society. Excretion is as natural as breastfeeding, but we don't approve of people doing that out in the open, ditto sex and masturbation. Naturalness has nothing to do with anything.

CDfm

It didnt bother me in the least. I was totally fine with it.

It caught my eye - I was out with my daughter for the afternoon. Son and g/f in the pub watching the rugby and pinting.

Khannie

Herbal Deity wrote: »

those who defend it vehemently and spout crap like "breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world" irritate me to no end.

What's not natural about it like? How long do you think humans have been breastfed versus bottlefed?

On the original question: Wouldn't bother me, though I noted that a friend of mine did it with her newborn recently and I felt a smidge awkward. I got over it in about 30 seconds. I certainly think an "ew" type reaction is way OTT.

edit: Metro's right about a baby needing to be fed when it needs to be fed. Of course it wont starve, but they can get dehydrated very easily and human breasts don't produce massive amounts of milk so the baby needs to be fed regularly.

Khannie

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Indecent exposure

HAHAHAHA. So you're indecently exposing yourself every time you go to the gents, right? What a load of bollix.

amacachi

Khannie wrote: »

What's not natural about it like? How long do you think humans have been breastfed versus bottlefed?

No-one said it isn't natural, just that it's irrelevant.

amacachi

Khannie wrote: »

HAHAHAHA. So you're indecently exposing yourself every time you go to the gents, right? What a load of bollix.

I don't have my penis plenty of people's plain view when I'm in the bog.

CDfm

Khannie wrote: »

So you're indecently exposing yourself every time you go to the gents, right? What a load of bollix.

But you dont sit at the bar having a drink with your tackle hanging out either.

shellyboo

Why should the mother, baby and everyone else present who possesses some maturity have to suffer the screams of a hungry baby because some little boys have no manners?

If your daughter was uncomfortable because of the boys, why question the actions of the breastfeeding mother? Logic fail there CDfm.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

If your daughter was uncomfortable because of the boys, why question the actions of the breastfeeding mother? Logic fail there CDfm.

Shelly - I'm not condeming or condoning. I thought the lady could have been discreet and afaik the place we were in has facilties.

Scoobydoobydoo

CDfm wrote: »

the place we were in has facilties.

Just curious, what do these facilities consist of?

Khannie

CDfm wrote: »

Shelly - I'm not condeming or condoning. I thought the lady could have been discreet and afaik the place we were in has facilties.

Maybe she hadn't slept in 2 days and didn't give a sh*t about some gob****e teenagers getting their jollies? Just a thought.

Amacachi: Your knob is well within my view in the jacks if I choose to look. The point is that getting your breast out to feed your child is not "indecent exposure" as it was put.

CDfm

Scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

Just curious, what do these facilities consist of?

I havent been in but my understanding is that there is a mothers room with changing facilities etc.Its a fairly upto date and modern facility.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

Shelly - I'm not condeming or condoning. I thought the lady could have been discreet and afaik the place we were in has facilties.

You're condoning the actions of the boys and your daughter as far as I can see. If your daughter was made to feel uncomfortable by the boys, then she should have been annoyed at them, not at the mother. I think you could have pointed that out to her, perhaps it could have changed her perspective a little and made her more understanding?



As for facilities - I wouldn't want to leave my lunch/the match to stand in a toilet for 20 mins to feed my kid if I could possibly avoid it. It's not the mother's problem if some people are sensitive - she has to feed her kid. If it was wailing and screaming people would be annoyed too. Bar not going out until the kid's weaned, you're going to have to feed in public sometime and I think people should be understanding of that.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

Shelly - I'm not condeming or condoning. I thought the lady could have been discreet and afaik the place we were in has facilties.

I think the boys could have been more discreet in their oggling. In some countries staring is an offence.

If you cant tell the difference between a topless bar and breastfeeding - jesus christ I dont know what to say to you, but it explains an awful lot.

metrovelvet

Khannie wrote: »

Maybe she hadn't slept in 2 days and didn't give a sh*t about some gob****e teenagers getting their jollies? Just a thought.

Amacachi: Your knob is well within my view in the jacks if I choose to look. The point is that getting your breast out to feed your child is not "indecent exposure" as it was put.

We hide excretions and do it away from others for hygeinic reasons as much as for privacy.

If people parallell a baby feeding and someone ****ting, well, that is just weird.

Cadiz

It's so sad that breastfeeding your kid in public still causes a sensation for some people.

As for facilities to breastfeed in private, there usually aren't any in restaurants, apart from the toilets, even in the most 'up-to-date and modern venues'.

Herbal Deity

Khannie wrote: »

HAHAHAHA. So you're indecently exposing yourself every time you go to the gents, right? What a load of bollix.

My apologies for your inability to pick up on context.

I suggest that in future you fully read posts and take the time to think about what's being said.

In this case, I said "Indecent exposure is frowned upon in our society". I did NOT say that I considered breastfeeding to be indecent exposure by my standards.

Christ, if you'd read anything I'd said in this thread I don't know how you could possibly have come to this conclusion.

Shame on you for lowering the standard of this forum with your condescending, fanatical, knee-jerk reply.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

You're condoning the actions of the boys and your daughter as far as I can see. If your daughter was made to feel uncomfortable by the boys, then she should have been annoyed at them, not at the mother. I think you could have pointed that out to her, perhaps it could have changed her perspective a little and made her more understanding?

I am not - I am just saying that there is a dual standard.The boys reactions were normal.

As for facilities - I wouldn't want to leave my lunch/the match to stand in a toilet for 20 mins to feed my kid if I could possibly avoid it. It's not the mother's problem if some people are sensitive - she has to feed her kid. If it was wailing and screaming people would be annoyed too. Bar not going out until the kid's weaned, you're going to have to feed in public sometime and I think people should be understanding of that.

Now you mention it I didnt see the lady eating anything.

Jenroche

The woman was completely within her rights to breastfeed her child there and then. In this day and age people shouldn't get in a flap about it. As for teenagers....they'll find something to whine about wherever they are.

Jen ;->

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

I am not - I am just saying that there is a dual standard.The boys reactions were normal.







.

Why were they normal? What makes that a normal reaction?

Scoobydoobydoo

I don't know where to begin, I just can't get over all the backward attitudes!

I have a 14 year old son, and if he turned to me in the same situation and said "Ew..etc" I'd be extremely disappointed in him actually, for being so immature! I breastfed him, and although I didn't do so in public places (but did openly at home with family & friends present), I would have been self concsious and intimidated by all the "EW"s, stares, or whatever. So I know how important it is for mothers to be made feel as comfortable as possible. Anywhere I've seen mothers breastfeeding, it has been discreet, they've got clothing designed to aid this, and you don't see anything.
The facility you describe so would sounds yuck, who would want to leave their friends in the dining area, to feed in a little room where there are dirty nappies being changed? No way!
For what it's worth, your daughter and those boys were both rude in different ways, and need to be educated because it's very sad to carry around these unhelpful attitudes. In a few short years, your daughter may decide not to breastfeed because she thinks it's disgusting, which is sad, because it's absolutely the best thing you can do to give your baby the best start.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I get a little uncomfortable when I see the feeding, but I get over myself pretty quickly, because it's MY problem if I'm uncomfortable, and that child's needs are more important than anyone elses, and they don't deserve to have to go to the toilet facilities to have their lunch.

metrovelvet

^ If I saw my son acting like that Id be really worrie that he picked up the irish neurosis about the body. I better keep taking him to topless beaches.

Stheno

I've friends with kids who breastfeed in public, and to be honest they do it so discreetly that you'd never actually know they were breastfeeding, one particular friend has a way of breastfeeding using a wrap of some sort the completely covers her up and her baby feeds, and it's very discreet.

I agree breastfeeding is the absolute best form of feeding for a baby, but I can understand how with the sexualisation of breasts (page three etc) teenagers, and especially those going through puberty/just out of it, would feel uncomfortable if someone chose to open their top in public and breastfeed rather than being discreet about it.

Sleipnir

Breastfeeding in public wasn't a problem for 199,800 years or so. In fact, there was no other way of feeding babies really as there was no SMA etc. It was just ordinary

Of course, peeing and defecating where you stood was also perfectly normal but thankfully, in western society at least, this is now frowned upon. However that's a purely functional need whereas breastfeeding is good for mother and baby for reasons other than hunger also.

Kids learn other things that shouldn't be 'right' either such as "the thinner you are, the better, "labels are very important", "Princess Leia is yucky" etc.

uberwolf

CDfm wrote: »

I am not - I am just saying that there is a dual standard.The boys reactions were normal.

They didn't whip their mickies out and toss one off, so they were able to establish what they thought might be deemed acceptable. Our society ought to be able to support a mother feeding her child, and so admonish the behaviour of the boys rather than the mother.

Sleipnir

To expand on this; normal things being made to be wrong, have a look at THIS photo.

Nobody in this photo is wearing deodorant or anti-perspirant. They all stink to high-heaven and they had a bath maybe once a week.
But, they didn't really stink at the time because it was perfectly normal, nobody noticed that the person they were dancing with smelled like a well-run horse because they all stank!

Then, Lifebouy had a massive advertising campaign and changed all that! It was normal and perfectly acceptable, and then it wasn't.
The same happened for breastfeeding in public. It was acceptable and normal and then we were told that it wasn't.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

Now you mention it I didnt see the lady eating anything.

But there was a match on? She was probably watching it.

Khannie

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Shame on you for lowering the standard of this forum with your condescending, fanatical, knee-jerk reply.

Yeah, I really lowered the standard there. :pac:

Why did you mention indecent exposure then? I wasn't the only one who inferred what I did and that should be clear to you too if you'd read the rest of the thread.

Sleipnir

I mean, a mother breastfeeds her child in public, some young lads start sniggering at this at you think, at a societal level, that the problem is with the mother?!?!

It with the young lads being able to snigger without getting a 'clip around the ear' for cheek and for no other members of society being able to call them out for it and send them home to their mothers! :pac:

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

But there was a match on? She was probably watching it.

Not really the lady sauntered in sat down and popped them out.

It didnt bother me and I am fairly cool about most things - I also didn't really need to influence my daughter by reacting as she lives with her Mum.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

It didnt bother me and I am fairly cool about most things - I also didn't really need to influence my daughter by reacting as she lives with her Mum.

You don't need to correct your kid because she lives with her Mum? Whut?


Also, I'm sure she didn't "pop them out". She wasn't sitting with both breasts out, was she?

Cadiz

CDfm wrote: »

Not really the lady sauntered in sat down and popped them out.

It didnt bother me and I am fairly cool about most things - I also didn't really need to influence my daughter by reacting as she lives with her Mum.

You don't sound cool about it.

You ask in your first post how tolerant we should be about someone feeding their child in public.

You marvel at this 'blonde' 'sauntering in' and 'popping them out' as you put it to feed her baby.

Sounds like it's quite an issue for you.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

Not really the lady sauntered in sat down and popped them out.

It didnt bother me and I am fairly cool about most things - I also didn't really need to influence my daughter by reacting as she lives with her Mum.

What the hell does that mean?

seriously cfm, ive been accused of being irrational but you are making me look like Descartes.

Were you even there when the blond popped them out?

You know - Im going to read all your anti feminist, men are poor victims too threads in a completely new light.

wolfpawnat

While I am 100% for breast feeding if that is what the parents decide (I did it myself) I do believe a little bit of discression is necessary. I used use a blanket belonging to my son to cover myself while feeding him (Don't worry it was a light one!!!) However, young women these days are getting the idea that breast feeding is "disgusting" and young men are thinking "BOOBS!!!!!!". I think society really needs to teach youngsters less about the geology of Ireland and more about the genuine reason for mammory glands!

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

You don't need to correct your kid because she lives with her Mum? Whut?

Also, I'm sure she didn't "pop them out". She wasn't sitting with both breasts out, was she?

Its a resteraunt and the match wasnt showing and she walked in sat down and unbuttoned the blouse picked up child and was off.

Cadiz wrote: »

You don't sound cool about it.

You ask in your first post how tolerant we should be about someone feeding their child in public.

So I said I am cool with it but also thought ya well the reactions of others were different and the woman didnt seem to be that bothered.

You marvel at this 'blonde' 'sauntering in' and 'popping them out' as you put it to feed her baby.

I am using the words to convey the casualness of the situation.

metrovelvet wrote: »

What the hell does that mean?

seriously cfm, ive been accused of being irrational but you are making me look like Descartes.

It means what it says - that I am careful not to say something that could be repeated and taken up wrongly by my ex. So I didnt react.

Were you even there when the blond popped them out?

yes.

You know - Im going to read all your anti feminist, men are poor victims too threads in a completely new light.

Knock yourself out. I am not anti-equality or anti-woman and I know lots of women who disagree with some of the stuff I disagree with.