Has today's society changed your mind about children?

ibarelycare

I suppose this is a question for people who don't have children yet. But also, I'd like to know how the parents here cope with my worries!

I was just adding to the "baby names" thread while thinking that I don't know if I even want children, whereas up until a couple of years ago I always thought I did!

I am only 24 though, so my feelings will probably change, but I just look at children today and wonder why I'd want one. In general, I'm not mad into kids. I like babies (because they can't talk and don't do much!) but that's about it. I DO have two 3-year-old nephews who I absolutely adore more than anything, but even then, I am delighted when my babysitting duties are finished!

Back to the question though, I just think it must be so hard to bring up children today. I particularly would not like to have a little girl. Looking at 11/12/13 year old girls today...they're just so much more grown up than I was at that age and that scares me. I live in a rural place but my boyfriend lives in Dublin and the girls of that age hang around the streets until 8/9 at night, dressed in next to nothing and, frankly, look like little prostitues. I know it's a lot to do with upbringing, but what if I have a little girl and she wants to go to teenage discos in strapless dresses and stiletto heels? Of course I won't want her to do that and then she'll resent me!! I've heard stories about parents dropping off groups of girls at junior discos and then catching the girls all taking off their knickers before they go in :eek::eek: If I had a little girl, I'd want her to be just that...a little girl. But is that even possible these days? If you try and retain her innocence, then she'll be left behind and may be shunned by her peers. If you let her do what other girls her age are doing then god knows what she'll be up to.

I don't have quite the same issues with boys, maybe because I just prefer little boys because of my nephews! Young boys don't seem as impressionable as girls but still, innocence just seems to disappear way too young these days. Kids going on the internet scares me! I know you can get all sorts of nanny programmes but little things worry me, like what if a 7 year old googles "Santa Claus" and discovers he's not real? Also, mobile phones, social networking, cyber bullying...ahhh! It's all too much! There's too much out there destroying their childhoods and I don't know how I'd deal with that as a parent!

stovelid

I live in Dublin, not Darfur or Kabul.

I'll take my chances.

ibarelycare

Your answer doesn't really answer anything I asked, but cheers for your input!

stovelid

ibarelycare wrote: »

Your answer doesn't really answer anything I asked, but cheers for your input!

I don't think that the immediate dangers (if you discount stuff like environmental dangers) presented by a - relatively privileged - society like ours are massively different to the way they were when we were children.

I just think that our perception of danger increases because we're older.

krudler

I don't have quite the same issues with boys, maybe because I just prefer little boys because of my nephews! Young boys don't seem as impressionable as girls but still, innocence just seems to disappear way too young these days. Kids going on the internet scares me! I know you can get all sorts of nanny programmes but little things worry me, like what if a 7 year old googles "Santa Claus" and discovers he's not real? Also, mobile phones, social networking, cyber bullying...ahhh! It's all too much! There's too much out there destroying their childhoods and I don't know how I'd deal with that as a parent!

Why would you let a 7 year old have access to a pc when you're not there? It riles me up when parents complain about mobiles and bebo and the like, the kid would have no access to these things if the parents didnt buy them in the first place! you cant keep your kids in a bubble their whole lives but its on the parents to make sure they are potected as much as you see fit, when i worked in retail it never ceased to amaze me how many parents would buy adult themed games for their kids like Grand Theft Auto and the like, yet they'd be the very same ones ringing Joe Duffy in hysterics once some news story broke about ho you can batter prostitutes to death in them, yet when we said "this is an 18s rated game" they'd just shrug and laugh it off because their little darling simply must have what all the cool kids want, idiots.

I work for a mobile phone company now and every day we get calls from parents wanting to know how "we allow" kids to access bebo on their phones, as if its our fault they didnt pay enough attention to the fact you can block these things from the service by asking, and what kind of 7 year old needs a phone anyway?! who are they calling?!

Malari

No, it's not society that made up my mind about not wanting children; it's children.

illiop

krudler wrote: »

Why would you let a 7 year old have access to a pc when you're not there? It riles me up when parents complain about mobiles and bebo and the like, the kid would have no access to these things if the parents didnt buy them in the first place! you cant keep your kids in a bubble their whole lives but its on the parents to make sure they are potected as much as you see fit, when i worked in retail it never ceased to amaze me how many parents would buy adult themed games for their kids like Grand Theft Auto and the like, yet they'd be the very same ones ringing Joe Duffy in hysterics once some news story broke about ho you can batter prostitutes to death in them, yet when we said "this is an 18s rated game" they'd just shrug and laugh it off because their little darling simply must have what all the cool kids want, idiots.

I work for a mobile phone company now and every day we get calls from parents wanting to know how "we allow" kids to access bebo on their phones, as if its our fault they didnt pay enough attention to the fact you can block these things from the service by asking, and what kind of 7 year old needs a phone anyway?! who are they calling?!

Exactly what I was going to say! It's all about the upbringing. I wasn't allowed to go to those my parents wouldn't let me go to a teenage disco in anything that was inappropriate (or let me go to an 16+ disco until I was 16) and of course I resented them for it at the time. But I got over it. Who cares if a child kicks and screams for a bit if they want something thats inappropriate for there age or just plain not on.
Of course I don't believe that children should be brought up a bubble, that'll just have them grow up to be niave and have difficulty ajudsting. I watched the news all through my childhood, but with my parents present. If there was something inappropriate they'd just distract me or change the channel. I knew about all manner of scary things before my peers but I wasn't afraid of them because my parents explain precautions to me; don't talk to strangers, don't play with fire, don't worry about bad people we'll keep you safe.
Don't get me wrong my parents weren't perfect either but bottom line; if any parent doesn't want their 11 yr old hanging about like a street-walker all they need to do is tell her she's not allowed and buy her some decent clothes!

Elba101

No. I just won't let "society" bring up my children

Snowie

kids are kids they want to be grown up and mature and like adults.

Adults wish they could be kids again at time's everythign was a lot easyer back then.

But to a degree do kids really need mobile phones?
do they need more then an hour at a computer ?

I dont really think so I never had one...
whats the difference with today....

agian the porblem being kids are growing up to fast...

Clare Bear

I think kids are the way they are because of their parents mainly. Not all obviously, there's a few bad eggs out there of course but how many times do you see kids hanging around after dark with nothing to do? Their parents don't give a crap obviously.

If I do have kids I'll try my best to bring them up as decent human beings and look after them as best I can in the hope that they will turn out okay. Today's society doesn't necessarily put me off, I'll just have to try a lot harder than my parents did.

miss_feminem

To be honest, I do hate the way kids stay in all the time and play video games. I used to go out every day and play games with all the other kids (like kick the can, and rounders, etc). We used to make up games and there was a lot more creativity then. And I'm not saying that playing video games is wrong (I have no problem with them) - it's just I haven't seen a kid out playing with a ball in years.

I personally will take the time to play with my kids and not just leave them in a room with a playstation/xbox/pc.

krudler

miss_feminem wrote: »

To be honest, I do hate the way kids stay in all the time and play video games. I used to go out every day and play games with all the other kids (like kick the can, and rounders, etc). We used to make up games and there was a lot more creativity then. And I'm not saying that playing video games is wrong (I have no problem with them) - it's just I haven't seen a kid out playing with a ball in years.

I personally will take the time to play with my kids and not just leave them in a room with a playstation/xbox/pc.

They're all too busy getting pregnant and doing drugs these days apparently, my god are we now the "it wasnt like that in my day" generation? noooo that means we're old:(

shellyboo

miss_feminem wrote: »

To be honest, I do hate the way kids stay in all the time and play video games. I used to go out every day and play games with all the other kids (like kick the can, and rounders, etc). We used to make up games and there was a lot more creativity then. And I'm not saying that playing video games is wrong (I have no problem with them) - it's just I haven't seen a kid out playing with a ball in years.

I personally will take the time to play with my kids and not just leave them in a room with a playstation/xbox/pc.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, if you saw a young kid out playing by themselves you'd probably think "jesus, that's not safe" rather than "oh that's nice."

You can't take the risk anymore of letting kids out on their own.

Flat2dmat

it seems a bit OTT to be worrying about all of "todays" issues that "might" affect your unborn kids.
there were dangers when everyone was growing up, that incident of the girls taking their knickers off going to junior discos was happening when I was 14 (11 years ago). it didn't mean that I did it or that I actually knew of many people who did. Other girls in my class got pregnant, took drugs etc etc at young ages but most of us didn't.
A lot is down to the parenting, how involved they are in their kids lives, how much freedom they give their kids etc etc.
If you want to be your kids friend, rather than their parent, that's when the problems start.
Personally, I'm looking forward to having kids in the future and I'll kick their butts if they're bold!!

miss_feminem

krudler wrote: »

They're all too busy getting pregnant and doing drugs these days apparently, my god are we now the "it wasnt like that in my day" generation? noooo that means we're old:(

I dunno about that. We hear a lot more about them getting pregnant and doing drugs, etc. That doesn't mean it didn't happen years ago - it was just covered up more. Sure when I was a child, most of the other kids smoked (and this is not that long ago - I'm only 24 now) and were having sex. Doesn't mean I was going to. It depends on how you're brought up and who you're friends are.

shellyboo wrote: »

Unfortunately, in this day and age, if you saw a young kid out playing by themselves you'd probably think "jesus, that's not safe" rather than "oh that's nice."

You can't take the risk anymore of letting kids out on their own.

Well I didn't mean on their own. Surely there'd be other kids to play with. And if not, I'd bring them to a park and play with them. Plus they can play in the garden with me keeping an eye on them. Plus, my plan is to have two kids so they can play with each other

we'llallhavetea_old

ibarelycare wrote: »

I suppose this is a question for people who don't have children yet. But also, I'd like to know how the parents here cope with my worries!

I was just adding to the "baby names" thread while thinking that I don't know if I even want children, whereas up until a couple of years ago I always thought I did!

I am only 24 though, so my feelings will probably change, but I just look at children today and wonder why I'd want one. In general, I'm not mad into kids. I like babies (because they can't talk and don't do much!) but that's about it. I DO have two 3-year-old nephews who I absolutely adore more than anything, but even then, I am delighted when my babysitting duties are finished!

Back to the question though, I just think it must be so hard to bring up children today. I particularly would not like to have a little girl. Looking at 11/12/13 year old girls today...they're just so much more grown up than I was at that age and that scares me. I live in a rural place but my boyfriend lives in Dublin and the girls of that age hang around the streets until 8/9 at night, dressed in next to nothing and, frankly, look like little prostitues. I know it's a lot to do with upbringing, but what if I have a little girl and she wants to go to teenage discos in strapless dresses and stiletto heels? Of course I won't want her to do that and then she'll resent me!! I've heard stories about parents dropping off groups of girls at junior discos and then catching the girls all taking off their knickers before they go in :eek::eek: If I had a little girl, I'd want her to be just that...a little girl. But is that even possible these days? If you try and retain her innocence, then she'll be left behind and may be shunned by her peers. If you let her do what other girls her age are doing then god knows what she'll be up to.

I don't have quite the same issues with boys, maybe because I just prefer little boys because of my nephews! Young boys don't seem as impressionable as girls but still, innocence just seems to disappear way too young these days. Kids going on the internet scares me! I know you can get all sorts of nanny programmes but little things worry me, like what if a 7 year old googles "Santa Claus" and discovers he's not real? Also, mobile phones, social networking, cyber bullying...ahhh! It's all too much! There's too much out there destroying their childhoods and I don't know how I'd deal with that as a parent!

get a grip?

"she" wont be the only non-whore in her age group. there are parents out there that, shock!, dont rear their girls up to be little tramps too.
you're not the only person in the world with morals :rolleyes:

enzo7

Ive 2 little girls who are the centre of my world, do i worry about raising them in 2days socity no, because i know im a good parent. The problem with the bad eggs is they way they are raised!!! I had my first at 23 and i can honestly say the 2nd i seen her i fell hopelessly in love with her and it the greatest feeling in the world knowing you life will never be the same again (in a great way), ive only felt like that once since when i had my 2nd dd. each to their own but i cannot imagine never bn a mother.

Also its diffrent when it your own child, i hav a godson who i adore but i always luved handing him back when i was done with godmother dutys, he is 3yrs older dan my oldest.

ibarelycare

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

get a grip?

"she" wont be the only non-whore in her age group. there are parents out there that, shock!, dont rear their girls up to be little tramps too.
you're not the only person in the world with morals :rolleyes:

I didn't say I was. I thought it was obvious from my post that I'm generalising and looking at extremes. :rolleyes: (back atcha!)

I don't have children but I obviously think about it to let these sorts of things go through my mind, I overthink a lot of things and am a big worrier. My worries may sound a bit silly to some people but I can't help it

And I know that everyone says that if they're a good parent your kids will turn out fine, but that's a load of crap. My mother is a great parent. My brother and sisters were good kids but I was an absolute little sh*t when I was a teenager. I did all the things that I would hate for a daughter of mine to do. Most of my friends were the same, we all did bad things on different scales. We all had good upbringings, came from decent backgrounds, but all did very bad things on different scales.

Then again, we only started drinking/sleeping with guys etc when we were about 16. Nowadays it seems to start a whole lot younger. Maybe it was always that way though and I was shielded from it? Well Flat2dmat said it was going on, so I guess I was shielded from it to some extent. I wouldn't have touched drugs that young (besides a spliff or two) and no one I knew got pregnant until we were about 19 or 20.

Maybe the reason I do worry so much about what my kids will be like is because I know what I was like!

They're all too busy getting pregnant and doing drugs these days apparently, my god are we now the "it wasnt like that in my day" generation? noooo that means we're old

I can't believe I've turned into one of these people, and so young! :pac::pac:

Ickle Magoo

I have two kids & no, society today didn't factor.

I don't really see much difference between when I was a kid and kids today other than most kids now have a better grasp on technology than their parents generation. Girls at my school got pregnant, plenty had sex and took drugs - a girl the same age as me was snatched a couple of miles down the road from where I lived and was murdered...same old terrifying world, maybe thanks to satellite TV and the internet we are just more aware of it.

H2UMrsRobinson

I'm 35 years old and I have one daughter aged 14.

I first got drunk when I was 13 at a friends birthday party. I tried my first cigarette at around the same age. I lost my virginity at 15. I did not however turn into a gin soaked crack whore. Experimentation is all part of the growing up process. I had the good sense even at 15 to know about safe sex and exercised this knowledge. As long as we arm our children with all the information they need to survive and stay safe in today's society then 99.9% of them are going to make it through their childhood and turn into well rounded individuals.

You can't be your childs best friend, but you also can't be the enemy either. Mutual respect and good communication are key. I talk to my daughter about things like sex and drugs etc. We have an open relationship and nothing is taboo. In return she volounteers information to me that I would never have dreamed of telling my own parents. I'd rather know what's going on in her world, even if it scares the hell out of me, than be oblivious. Sure, she fcuks up every now and then, what teenager doesn't. But she knows the boundaries and when necessary is punished for bad behaviour.

Raising children is bloody hard, but I would recommend it to anyone. As long as you've got your head screwed on, and are prepared to work at it, you'll be fine.

Nothing worth anything was ever acheived without hard work...!

Black Swan

Society seems to care more about our skills and licensing to drive a car than to raise kids? Does leaving cert prepare us to drive kids?

Ickle Magoo

I don't think Ireland is any kind of example of a society caring about licensing to drive a car, tbh...

But yes, there seems to be much more emphasis on teaching skills that get us out working & paying taxes than being decent parents.

koHd

Children will generally turn out as whatever surrounds them. Don't be a rubbish parent and let them run a muck. Don't let them hang around places you can't throw an eye on to see how they or their friends are acting. I know you can't protect them from everything. But if you do your best they'll be grand.

bronte

Just read that "Wife on holidays" thread. I honestly don't know how people do it.
I never had the urge myself. I do recall seeing a 10 year old (he couldn't have been older) young lad in Superdrug a few months back giving a young lady advice on what eyeshadow went well with her eye colour. :pac:
Things are different these days!

CrazyChick18

Well im 20 and and when i was like 11,12 i can still remember playing with barbie dolls and not being out on the roads, i think its just way different with girls especially growing up way to fast.
Ive got a cousin she 12 going on 13 doesnt leave the house without make hair straighten everything perfect,

I suppose you can blame parents in some families but at the end of the day its who your children are hanging around with at school at home they are getting influence by but definately society has change big time in the last 5 years with children growing up way to fast!!