I've just been intimidated and assaulted in the street.

LegacyUser

I'm just writing this here because I'm really upset and need to let it out. I was walking home from the supermarket just now when a gang of 4 really tall, tough-looking young men came out of a chip shop and blocked my path. There was nobody else in the street. They were talking really loudly in my face, at first "complimenting" me on my looks but then they got a bit more extreme, they wouldn't let me pass and carried on making comments in my face, they surrounded me so I couldn't go back the way I had come either, then one of them groped my bottom while the one at my face was starting to get worse, he could see he was upsetting me and this encouraged him even more. I seriously thought about kicking him in the crotch so that he'd go down and I could run away, but I knew I couldn't outrun them and I thought that might provoke them to worse behaviour. I kept trying to push past but they wouldn't let me go, they kept blocking my path, I felt like a trapped animal. Eventually I screamed "F* off" and they finally let me alone. I could tell that they were a bit tipsy and thought it was just a bit of a laugh, but I am really upset, I feel intimidated that I couldn't get away until they let me pass, and I feel so angry and violated that they actually touched me. I was just walking home from the supermarket minding my own business, I was wearing an ankle-length skirt, flat shoes and a baggy jumper with no makeup, I was certainly not looking for attention. I just really despair of human nature, how would they like it if a gang of men did that to their girlfriend or sister? Now I am scared to go out by myself at this time of night again, and it's not even that late. I was so worried, I didn't know what they were going to do to me.

Xiney

This is a matter for the Gardai, OP.

Please ring your local station and make a report.

hornyfemale

Please ring the police. There is way too much of this going on. I see it when I'm in my home down every weekend. Little S**ts cycling on footpaths almost knocking people over, hanging around outside takeways after 1 can of whatever intimidating anyone who crosses their paths.:mad:

Overheal

Write it all down of course but report it now while the memory is fresh and include descriptions.

LegacyUser

There is no point reporting it, they will never catch them, there are so many people fitting that description. And I'm too ashamed, I don't want people to know.

spurious

soupset wrote: »

There is no point reporting it, they will never catch them, there are so many people fitting that description. And I'm too ashamed, I don't want people to know.

Your response is normal.
'People' won't know if you report it to the guards. Do you think this is the first or last time these guys will do this?
Sexual assaults (and that is what it was) only increase in severity.

I witnessed a similar assault on a young Chinese woman once. I told her to ring the police, but knew she was not keen to do so. I rang the police myself when I got home. They said they couldn't do anything official about it without the young woman herself reporting it, but they would look at CCTV from the off-licence I saw the guys come out of.

Please report it.

seamus

soupset wrote: »

There is no point reporting it, they will never catch them, there are so many people fitting that description. And I'm too ashamed, I don't want people to know.

There's nothing to be emarrassed about. You've been attacked - you're the victim and you did absolutely nothing to cause it. If you'd been hit by a drunk-driver, you wouldn't hesitate about telling people.

You'd be surprised about how much information you can get across in a report - the Gardai may even know the morons who were doing this and something as simple as a warning from the Guards may prevent them going even further when they encounter the next girl.

Please, please make a report. Even if you get no justice out of it, you may save someone else.

Denerick

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

OP, why are you ashamed? Seriously, think about that. Those degenerate scumbags should be ashamed, ashamed that they are even allowed to grace the earth with their monstrous behaviours. Ring the police, but we do know they'll do f all. Failing that tell all your male friends and tell them what they looked like - hell, I even have an itch to go looking for these bastards myself to give them a shake down, things like this really make me loose my faith in humanity.

Just picture it, four arseholes on a power trip intimidating and groping a young woman in public without the slightest bit of shame. And you're ashamed. What has the world come to.

hornyfemale

I hate to say it but people who don't report incidents like this really make me mad. They are just allowing it to happen to some other poor unfortunate.
:mad::mad::mad:

LegacyUser

What good do you think reporting it will do? 8 years ago I was hit around the head with an iron bar by a teenage boy in the street. I needed hospital treatment and reported it to the police. They did NOTHING and treated me like a total timewaster. So forgive me for not wanting to bother. My localpolice station isn't even open at the weekends.

fend

Call the guards. Immediately.

What happened to you is absolutely frightful, and well done for standing up to yourself. You need to phone the guards immediately. Give them the exact time this happened and hopefully they will be able to catch them on CCTV in the area or something to that effect.

Whats to say this wont happen to someone else later. Or even worse, they could be again physically assaulted or raped.

kerry4sam

soupset wrote: »

I'm just writing this here because I'm really upset and need to let it out. I was walking home from the supermarket just now when a gang of 4 really tall, tough-looking young men came out of a chip shop and blocked my path. There was nobody else in the street. They were talking really loudly in my face, at first "complimenting" me on my looks but then they got a bit more extreme, they wouldn't let me pass and carried on making comments in my face, they surrounded me so I couldn't go back the way I had come either, then one of them groped my bottom while the one at my face was starting to get worse, he could see he was upsetting me and this encouraged him even more. I seriously thought about kicking him in the crotch so that he'd go down and I could run away, but I knew I couldn't outrun them and I thought that might provoke them to worse behaviour. I kept trying to push past but they wouldn't let me go, they kept blocking my path, I felt like a trapped animal. Eventually I screamed "F* off" and they finally let me alone. I could tell that they were a bit tipsy and thought it was just a bit of a laugh, but I am really upset, I feel intimidated that I couldn't get away until they let me pass, and I feel so angry and violated that they actually touched me. I was just walking home from the supermarket minding my own business, I was wearing an ankle-length skirt, flat shoes and a baggy jumper with no makeup, I was certainly not looking for attention. I just really despair of human nature, how would they like it if a gang of men did that to their girlfriend or sister? Now I am scared to go out by myself at this time of night again, and it's not even that late. I was so worried, I didn't know what they were going to do to me.

soupset wrote: »

What good do you think reporting it will do? 8 years ago I was hit around the head with an iron bar by a teenage boy in the street. I needed hospital treatment and reported it to the police. They did NOTHING and treated me like a total timewaster. So forgive me for not wanting to bother. My localpolice station isn't even open at the weekends.

@ soupset:
I am asking you to please report this to your local garda station. You may think nothing will come from reporting but :
1) They could actually catch these scum and ensure they won’t behave in such a humiliating & demeaning way in the future
2) It could prevent these “oh-so-macho mature-men” from doing this or worse to someone else in the near future
3) You may not think so now, but you will feel better in time if you report it.

Regarding your previous incident and nothing coming out of it to your satisfaction, well their are numerous reasons why that might have been. I would ask you not to allow previous incidents to deter you from approaching a member of A.G.S. over anything, never-mind something like this soupset.

I will tell you now: I returned from living a few years in Limerick, back to Kerry awhile back. Nothing ever happened to me personally to me whilst in Limerick, but I was in my home-town only a fortnight when something similar to your opening post happened to me. It was at 7:15am and I was returning from an hours’ jog and was tired and their were two guys in this incident. I done nothing at the time. I never reported a thing nor told anyone about what actually happened until a few days later but still never reported it.

Soupset, to say I regret not reporting what actually happened would be a complete understatement. Honestly, regret it to this day. I have vowed also to never allow myself to be in such a vulnerable position again.

But please do report it tomorrow, if you don’t ring a station near you tonight. Yeah you could say well they were after a few drinks, yada yada and find some excuse for them, but if I were you now I would let them tell the guards their own excuses when/if found & caught.

Dragan

soupset wrote: »

There is no point reporting it, they will never catch them, there are so many people fitting that description. And I'm too ashamed, I don't want people to know.

Actually, there is. You would never know who any of the blokes might be, or what else they might get up to. You have been assaulted, it is your right to engage the gardai in their duty.

I really wouldn't feel ashamed at all, every reaction you had was human. I am a fairly physically capable bloke.....if i was surrounded by 4 grown men on the street i would find that situation both intimidating and scary. There is nothing wrong with feeling a bit scared, you'll still be in shock. The best thing to do is just ring a friend, be alone, have a cry, do whatever you want to do....but don't allow yourself to be stopped from doing that because there is some idea as to how people should act or react to these situations.

Adrenaline is a funny thing, and your body will be having a very odd and burnt out response over the following hours. You might go from tired to giddy to have asleep to weeping. It's happened to me after situations that i felt were extreme.

You'll get through it though, because your average person is surprisingly strong in the aftermath of a scary situation.

LegacyUser

I called the police just now and told them what happened. They said they'd send someone round to see me but I live in university halls and don't want everyone to see, so they said they'd get someone to phone back and arrange a time for me to go into the station and make a statement.

LegacyUser

The other thing is, I think this has affected me worse than I thought. It's broad daylight now and I'm scared to go out in case I see them again.

mood

Report it. Why let them away with it?

kerry4sam

soupset wrote: »

I called the police just now and told them what happened. They said they'd send someone round to see me but I live in university halls and don't want everyone to see, so they said they'd get someone to phone back and arrange a time for me to go into the station and make a statement.

soupset wrote: »

The other thing is, I think this has affected me worse than I thought. It's broad daylight now and I'm scared to go out in case I see them again.

@ soupset: I feel for you, I really do. First off, well done to you for contacting the station. That will ease your mind in time and not leave you wondering if those guys done something similar to someone else that you could have prevented had you just spoken up at the time.

Why won't you call a friend or ask a house-mate to just go for a walk. Now, even if it's just to the shop for some chocolate ice-cream or a walk somewhere further. The last thing you should do is fall back inside yourself. You should keep be out-going and hold your head up and not for another minute let the actions of these guys deter you from living your life in any way. That is alot easier said than done I know.
I know it did take me some time before I went out jogging at that hour again but now I'll be damned if I let someone determine when I should exercise or clear my mind. I'm living my life and they are not living mine for me!

Try and stay positive but above all, I hope you don't keep it in and you do tell a friend or a family member, or at the very least, journal what happened and your thoughts and feelings on the incident. In time, you will look back and feel all the strogner for it.

herya

You've done the right thing by reporting it, well done.

First, they should be brought to the attention of the Gardai. Imagine them assaulting or even raping another girl - if it can be proven that they have a history of assaults there is much lesser chance of them getting away with it. Such people should have files open in case they reoffend.

Second, you are not at fault in this but I'm sure it feels terrible to be assaulted. It is beneficial to your dealing with this if you actually undertake any action and not just let it fester. There is nothing wrong in what you've done and you can contribute to the safety of others in your area. Absolutely go ahead with meeting the Gardai and giving a statement. Don't let the scumbags win by intimidating you.

dudara

First of all, well done for reporting the incident. Make sure to follow up and make your statement.

Secondly, this is upsetting for you. You say that you are at university, so contact your university's councilling service and talk to someone. Don't let them win indirectly.

LegacyUser

I've got an update. I'm pleased to say that the police are taking this really seriously. They're checking cctv, interviewing people who work in restaurants on the street where this happened, and making a press release to try and get more information. They've also got the CID branch involved. I'm really surprised that they're taking this so seriously, I really thought they'd just say there's nothing they could do. They said of course it's not guaranteed that they'll find the perpetrators, but I'm happy they're trying. They also said I should preserve the clothes I was wearing unwashed. They said they probably won't need them as no body fluids went on to them, only the guy's hand, but just in case. I'm still apprehensive going out in public though.

mood

Thats great.

kerry4sam

soupset wrote: »

I've got an update. I'm pleased to say that the police are taking this really seriously. They're checking cctv, interviewing people who work in restaurants on the street where this happened, and making a press release to try and get more information. They've also got the CID branch involved. I'm really surprised that they're taking this so seriously, I really thought they'd just say there's nothing they could do. They said of course it's not guaranteed that they'll find the perpetrators, but I'm happy they're trying. They also said I should preserve the clothes I was wearing unwashed. They said they probably won't need them as no body fluids went on to them, only the guy's hand, but just in case. I'm still apprehensive going out in public though.

@ soupset:
Thank you for being strong enough to speak up and moving this forward. Even if these guys are caught and only get a warning, then that might be enough to prevent them doing the likes again in the future.
It is still early days for the guards but I would trust them, trust the work that they are doing and above all trust that your name would only come out in the extreme circumstance but until then, until they seriously think it necessary, I would trust that your name won't be mentioned by any member stationed there.
I don't post in these here threads often, actually this was my first time. OP, I for one want to thank you again for approaching the guards with this. Keep your head held up; keep positive; try and keep some journal for yourself if you think that may help you reveal the vast range of emotions you have had to date and are experiencing now after your meeting with the guards.

prinz

soupset wrote: »

I've got an update. I'm pleased to say that the police are taking this really seriously.

Well done OP, and please remember the police aren't psychic or mind readers they need people to come forward like this. You can be sure reports like yours will have an effect, even if it's increasing the police presence on that particular street or something. The police will reroute the beat of walking officers etc through that area. Hope you feel better soon OP.

Papad

soupset wrote: »

I've got an update. I'm pleased to say that the police are taking this really seriously. They're checking cctv, interviewing people who work in restaurants on the street where this happened, and making a press release to try and get more information. They've also got the CID branch involved. I'm really surprised that they're taking this so seriously, I really thought they'd just say there's nothing they could do. They said of course it's not guaranteed that they'll find the perpetrators, but I'm happy they're trying. They also said I should preserve the clothes I was wearing unwashed. They said they probably won't need them as no body fluids went on to them, only the guy's hand, but just in case. I'm still apprehensive going out in public though.

Kudos to you OP.
The reasons why people need to report these type of crimes are:
1. Too many go unreported (e.g. it was only a few lads having a laugh, which is wasn't).
2. It may stop another person becoming a victim of this group again.
3. It gives the victim some positive reinforcement i.e. they are taking a stand and fighting back.

I know that you will be understandably worried going out in public again but know that help is just a phone call away, so if you see them again, call the Guards.

LegacyUser

soupset wrote: »

I've got an update. I'm pleased to say that the police are taking this really seriously. They're checking cctv, interviewing people who work in restaurants on the street where this happened, and making a press release to try and get more information. They've also got the CID branch involved. I'm really surprised that they're taking this so seriously, I really thought they'd just say there's nothing they could do. They said of course it's not guaranteed that they'll find the perpetrators, but I'm happy they're trying. They also said I should preserve the clothes I was wearing unwashed. They said they probably won't need them as no body fluids went on to them, only the guy's hand, but just in case. I'm still apprehensive going out in public though.

this is brilliant. i'm really glad the cops are taking this seriously, and i'm really glad you updated us on it.
i'm a girl and i've had a few situations like this happen before, but i wouldn't even really have thought of going to the police because i've known guys who've been physically assaulted and mugged and got no where with the the gardai when they reported it. i'm living and working in some dodgy enough areas and i've been intimidated by local lads plenty of times, not as intensely as you were, but it still always leaves me feeling really shaken and reluctant to be out and about alone after dark. i've even had these kinds of things happen when i've been walking with other female friends, the worst thing is if the people you're with don't acknowledge it or laugh it off (i've had both happen), and then you feel violated, alone, ashamed AND like you're overreacting.
so i'm glad the gards are being supportive for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone I really appreciate it. Another update: I just saw the man who groped me in the supermarket with 2 friends. I don't know whether the other 2 were 2 of the others involved in the attack but they could have been. I went home and called the police, they said they're going out looking for them now. I'm shaking now, I'm scared that when they find out I reported them and they see me in the street again, they'll say or do something. I feel like I can never go out again.

mood

I really hope they catch them. There is a victim help line as far as I know that offers counseling. The guards should be able to give you the number.

Do you own the house/apartment you live in? If not you can always move to a different location where you might not see these men again and where you might feel safer.

Do the guards have a picture of them from the CCTV?

LegacyUser

The police have stopped a male who they think is the one and are double-checking my description and looking on cctv before they arrest him. I am on university grounds, I don't have anywhere else to go. I feel safe on campus but I hate stepping off the uni grounds now This is just such a small town you can't go anywhere without seeing someone.

mood

soupset wrote: »

The police have stopped a male who they think is the one and are double-checking my description and looking on cctv before they arrest him. I am on university grounds, I don't have anywhere else to go. I feel safe on campus but I hate stepping off the uni grounds now This is just such a small town you can't go anywhere without seeing someone.

Are all the university in this country not in the cities

If you are in campus accommodation surely you can still move! Even if you loose your deposit would it not be worth it?

LegacyUser

soupset wrote: »

The other thing is, I think this has affected me worse than I thought. It's broad daylight now and I'm scared to go out in case I see them again.

What happened to you is incredibly rare. For it to happen again, for you to come in to any adverse contact with bullies like that would be even rarer.

Regarding fearing the fellas you met? Don't worry. When they hear (which they will have done from now) that the Gardai are on this they will shyt themselves. I'd say there has been a few tears and a few sleepless nights. They will never do something like this again thanks to your actions.

Well done.

LegacyUser

But then I would have to live in town, I would feel unsafe in town all the time now. At least on campus I am safe and I have my friends here to help me. I cannot move to a different town because this place is in the middle of nowhere, the nearest town is a long bus ride away, it just wouldn't be convenient or even possible really.

LegacyUser

The police just called me. The man is in custody and I have to go and give a full statement in an hour. (because I just gave them a brief description before.) I hope I don't see him. Do you think the police will tell him that he has to stay away from me?

Taltos

Not sure on that - but ask them when you arrive there.
The gardai will know you are nervous, so don't feel embarrased at all about asking this.

On your way in - try to think of all you want to know - just like this.

Great job on standing up to these fools.
You're a star.

mood

Phone the guards and say you don't want the man to see you. I'm sure it can be avoid.

Go to the shops with friends anymore. Tesco deliver as well I think.

Taltos

OP

just one thing - there are loads of ways to go about avoiding going into town etc - as per mood you can even just get Tesco to deliver if they are in your area.

But... please think long and hard before going down that route. Maybe seek some counselling in your college and take up some activities that will help rebuild your confidence. You have been through an ordeal but you have taken responsibility for yourself and dealt with it all superbly.

Don't stumble now and start down a path that would see you as a recluse or a shadow of your former self. Take the time now to work on building yourself up. You have proven you are a survivor, now show them that you are a winner as well.

The thing is - yes the world is not always a nice place, but sometimes it is an amazing place too. By hiding from the bad things you miss all the wonderful things too - all about balance in my view.

kjl

OP, I really do feel for you, I'm a male and quite tall and something like this happened to me before.

I had exactly the same reactions as you did, in the sense that I didn't want to go anywhere in case I saw the person who did this.

All I can tell you is that it does pass after a while and you will be back to normal very soon. Don't let these a**holes affect the way you live you life.

Also I think its pretty shocking that nobody did anything to help you when it happened.

Perhaps you might think about carrying a can of pepper spray, I'm not sure on the legality of it in Ireland, but it might be worth looking into.

Ruby-J

Well done soupset. And no matter what happens you did no wrong. Well done for reporting them. Dont be afraid to go out on your own.

RossFixxxed

Just as a heads up: Pepper spray is 100% illegal in Ireland. I think it's up to 5 years (concealed weapon) I only happened to be reading up on rifles and airsoft rifles and saw this detail.

These guys could potentially rule your life. It's like a form of terrorism using their power etc to intimidate people.

As someone who is a bit of a shut in... it's NOT fun at all tbh. I'm lucky I'm slowly getting out of my shell on that front, but something like this can be a huge setback.. IF YOU LET IT BE. I know it's easier said than done, but it is your life and that should be your no 1 priority.

Slightly OT: if something like this happens and people are around address them directly: you there in the blue jacket, hey you, yes you help me. Shout roar and scream. Get someone over, don't let them stand there. It's sickening but groups of people will just stand there and freeze.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone. I just got back from making my statement. The man is still in custody, they said they have to amass cctv evidence before confronting him, although he knows he's being held on suspicion of sexual assault. The police woman told me that they believe he's the one because he seems "very shifty." She said it seems to her they were just a bunch of lads having a laugh but it's of course not acceptable and the police will keep me updated on what happens to that bloke now and whether they find the others. btw there was no-one in the street at the time, that's why no-one helped me. Afaik it was just me and those men, I was looking around for someone to help me but didn't see anyone. I hope the man they have in custody tells them who the others were, I think they all need a wake up call about their behaviour. It's been 3 days since the incident and I'm still shaking and scared to leave the university grounds alone.

pookie82

mood wrote: »

Are all the university in this country not in the cities

Maynooth campus isn't.

prinz

pookie82 wrote: »

Maynooth campus isn't.

UL isn't. It's a few miles outside Limerick. However I have a feeling the OP is based in NI or in GB.

Overheal

prinz wrote: »

UL isn't. It's a few miles outside Limerick. However I have a feeling the OP is based in NI or in GB.

It really doesnt matter where the OP is and I think you should stop invading her privacy. She is posting anonymously with cause.

Silverfish

Off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum. Please read the rules and follow them. This includes trying to identify the location of a poster.

Overheal, please leave the moderating to the mods. If you have an issue, please use the report post function. Thank you.

prinz

OP as for moving house/ having groceries delivered...I wouldn't go down that route. It can snowball and actually prolong the effects of this incident on your life. It will take time and courage, but I wouldn't recommend changing your lifestyle.. you're better than they are. You don't need to hide or avoid anyone, you haven't done a thing wrong.

Overheal

yep - that agoraphobia. And if you find yourself in the coming weeks to be increasingly afraid to be in public, you should speak with your GP.

Papad

soupset. wrote: »

It's been 3 days since the incident and I'm still shaking and scared to leave the university grounds alone.

Yeah, but guess who's shaking now? I don't think that he and his mates will be doing that sort of thing again. And from these 4, the word will spread to their mates that these types of assaults (i.e. 'harmless') are unacceptable.

Well done OP. You should be proud of yourself. Just think about the other girls that you saved from the same ordeal.

RossFixxxed

It's only natural to be nervous or scared for a bit. I have been after things like that. I had a mate robbed with a syringe, he was the toughest bloke ever and cried like a baby several times after. BUT he kept out there and got over it.

I've (for different reasons) been down the gradually staying in, getting things to me route and it is a total nightmare. You can't let yourself go that way, the work it takes to deal with that is so much greater than the natural fear you have now.

Sniipe

well done OP.

Prime example of why we as a society should report things like this. Another plus is that its also used as a statistic, lets say no one reports an issue; people higher up will see it as a non issue. The more reports in, the more help that will be appointed out to a specific area, be it stealing something small, minor drunken attacks, etc... You may indirectly have helped someone else because of your action.

Hopefully your local guards will sort this issue out.

The other side of this is that (PERHAPS) one/more/all of the guys involved will see this as taking a step too far and will definitely think twice of getting involved in something like this again.

LegacyUser

Well, it's not looking good. The man denied everything, he said he wasn't even in town at that time. He's been released (and apparently is a student at my uni, I hope I do not see him around.)

The police are still checking cctv but they say they have looked at the cctv when this happened and half an hour either side and they cannot find the event taking place! They are going to look a bit further but I know when it happened, why isn't it on cctv? They said the cctv covers the fish shop where this happened and they can't see the attack!

On Friday they want me to go and do a viper I think they call it. They will show me pictures of various vaces and I have to pick his out. But this is not helpful, I barely saw his face. When I recognised him in the supermarket I only recognised him from his distinctive jacket and unusual stance. Seeing his face wasn't much of a help at all. The place where I have to do this is a 2 hour bus ride away, I don't think it's worth it. It looks like not much will happen after all. But why isn't this on cctv?

LegacyUser

The police now think the man I identified is not the right one! I may have got an innocent man arrested.

Taltos

Hi Op

please do not fret too much about that if that is the case. It can be incredibly difficult to remember faces sometimes esp over something as traumatic as this with so many people involved.

Hopefully they will get the CCTV film to support you, but if not then all you can do is try to re-iterate what / who you saw.

Just because they say he might be the wrong guy does not make it so. Yes sometimes the wrong people get picked up, but provided they have an easy alibi this is not a major issue. Again - be sure that this happens quite a bit.

Do try to get counselling and keep your head high - you have done nothing wrong - and prats like that never like being stood up to.